Date: Wed, 08 Nov 2000 21:50:25 GMT From: Elly Iles <uptowngurrl@hotmail.com> Subject: Little White Lies - 12 Chapter 12 "Nick?" Brian cautiously knocked on the door to his bathroom, where Nick had been ever since the confrontation. AJ had gone straight after Kevin, and Howie left about five minutes after, telling Brian he was too shocked to speak. When Brian had approached Nick, the teenager had run to the bathroom in a fit of tears. "Come on Nicky, you have to come out sometime." "Go away." Brian heard Nick's muffled voice. He sighed. "Please, Nicky. Can we at least talk about this?" Brian asked. He heard footsteps, and the door unlocking. Nick's face was tear-stained, his eyes red, and his blonde hair ruffled. "So talk." He stated simply. Brian shook his head. "You couldn't have just expected me to leave this. What Kevin did was sick." "I didn't expect you to leave it, but I didn't expect you to humiliate him like that either. You humiliated him, and you humiliated me." "What do you mean? I would never humiliate you." Brian stated firmly. "So why did you tell AJ and Howie that I slept with him. You think that was easy for me, seeing the judgement on their faces?" "They didn't judge you Nicky. It was Kevin they judged." "I'm not so innocent in all of this, Brian. The amount of times I've been called innocent is ridiculous. Whatever you want to believe to make yourself feel better, Kevin didn't force me to do anything I didn't want. When I slept with him, that was me. I propositioned him, not the other way round." "It doesn't mean anything. You were confused, he took advantage of that." "And I took advantage of the fact that he loved me. It all amounts to the same thing." "He doesn't love you." Brian sneered. "If he did, he'd never have acted in that way." "It's because he loved me that he did it." Nick threw up his hands in exasperation. "I know he did the wrong thing, but he's only guilty of love." "You sound like you don't even care." Brian stared at him in disbelief. "Nick, he lied to keep us apart. He slept with you. And he would have probably done it again if we hadn't got together." "Maybe he would have." Nick shrugged. "And maybe he would have kept on lying until me and him had got together. But he didn't. We're together, that's all that matter. So can't we just forgive him? He is your cousin, however much you want to deny it." "I'm shocked that you're talking this way, Nick. How dare you try to justify this? Maybe you want to get together with him, maybe I'm just second best?" Brian shouted. Nick stepped back slightly, new tears beginning to form. "You know you're not, Bri. I love you." Nick pleaded. Brian was barely listening to the words. All he could see was red, blood-red, anger. "Don't lie to me Nick. I'm sick of being lied to. You tell me if you want him more than me." Brian lent in close. Nick now realised that Brian had been drinking. "Bri, you're drunk." Nick tried to push him off. "When did you find time to drink?" "While you were locked up in here, probably crying over him." Brian shouted. He suddenly grabbed the back of Nick's head and began kissing him angrily, hungrily. Nick squirmed in discomfort, desperately trying to pull away. Eventually Brian stopped. "How dare you?" Nick tried to pull away. "Don't you ever kiss me like that again." "And what if I do?" Brian asked angrily. "If I can't kiss my own boyfriend, then we may as well split up right now." "Don't talk like that." Nick begged. Brian suddenly began kissing him again, but this time his hands started travelling down Nick's body. Brian pushed him against the bathroom wall, never releasing his grip. "Don't do this Bri, please." "You were more than willing to do it for Kevin." Brian exclaimed hurtfully. His hands travelled down to Nick's jeans, fumbling to find the button. "Please Brian, I love you. Don't do this to prove it." Nick begged him. "Please." Something about the way Nick said that last word, or the way he looked at Brian, his large blue eyes pleading, caused Brian to pull away. He looked at Nick's miserable face, and shook his head. "I'm so sorry Nicky." He whispered. "Oh God, how could I do this to you? I'm no better than him." "Is this still about him?" Nick pushed him off and stormed out of the bathroom, Brian following him down the stairs. He turned to look at Brian. "Is that what this relationship is about?" "No, I'm sorry." Brian shook his head. "I should split up with you right now. You could do so much better than me. I'm such an idiot." "Yeah, you are." Nick whispered. "And so am I because I'll love you unconditionally. And you know that I will, so if you want to hurt me than go ahead, because I'm not going to fight you back, or break things off. Just know that it will be on your conscience, because I think, somewhere in there, you love me too." "Of course I do." Brian sighed. "You're the only thing I care about, Nick, and if I ever do anything to hurt you, then that's it, you leave me. I don't care how much you love me back, I couldn't bear to tear your life apart." "You won't tear my life apart if you get rid of that anger. Please try to forgive Kevin." "I'll try, okay?" Brian promised. "I'm not as forgiving as you, Nick. But I think you can teach me. I want you to. I don't wanna feel such intense hatred for him." Nick lent forward and pressed his lips against Brian's. The kiss was sweet, tender, nothing like before. "Just start with love, okay?" He whispered in Brian's ear. "What did I do to deserve you?" Brian smiled through his tears. "You were just you." Nick smiled back. Brian pulled him into a hug. "I'll try to forgive Kevin. It won't be easy, but I will try." Brian kissed Nick on the forehead. "Thank you." Nick buried his head in Brian's chest. "And we'll both make this relationship work. Now that we're together we can't throw it away. I know we're not perfect, but we can be happy. And we will make love one day, but not like that. I couldn't stand it if it was like that, Brian." "It will be nothing like that. It will be special, and we'll both be ready. I'll wait for you forever, Nicky." Brian promised him. *** AJ stared at his ringing phone, not realising that he had to answer it. Finally, something clicked in his mind and he picked it up. "AJ, I've been trying to ring you all night." Howie shouted as soon as AJ said hello. "Sorry." AJ muttered. "Yeah, you sound it." Howie responded sarcastically. "So did you find Kevin after he left?" "Yeah." "He didn't try to do anything stupid, did he?" Howie asked warily. AJ sighed. "I don't know what you mean, D." "Anything stupid, Bone. It's not a hard concept. You do stupid things all the time." "You know what, D? I don't need this right now. Kevin's fine. He's moving on with his life." "And does that include the band?" "Is that what this is about?" AJ shouted, suddenly angry. "The band? He's just been disowned by his cousin, shunned by the guy he's in love with, and you wanna know how it's gonna affect the fucking band? Get over it Howie." "I'm just being practical. We're seriously going to have to rethink our future. We're going into the studio tomorrow to record Millennium, and I don't want the atmosphere to be as bad as it was at Brian's house today." "It's not my problem, D. I'm going to be there, and if Kevin wants to go then he will as well. The same goes for Nick and Brian." "Well let's start taking bets on how fast Brian punches Kevin's lights out." "What, like you did today?" AJ's eyes narrowed. "That was nothing. What he did to Nicky was an ultimate low. I would have gone further, if you'd let me." "What's got into you, D? You're not the same anymore." "Neither are you, AJ. Only I have a reason for it. Do you?" "I've gotta go." AJ muttered, suddenly feeling sick. He heard Howie protesting as he hung up the phone. "Do I have a reason for it?" He whispered to himself. "What kind of a fucked-up question is that?" *** Kevin stirred restlessly. He couldn't sleep, but it wasn't through thinking about Nick this time. Instead, he found his thoughts wondering to AJ. Despite everything, AJ was loyal. He'd known throughout about Kevin's feelings, and he'd stuck by him, even through today. And Kevin had treated him like crap. He suddenly remembered a film he'd once watched, Empire Records. It had been a cute film, but never really made much of an impact on him. Now, he remembered a line that one of the characters had said in it: 'I am in love with you, I just never realised it before because it wasn't a stupid feeling in my stomach like everything else.' Words to that extent, anyway. Now he realised with startling clarity just how much that line made sense. With Nick, Kevin knew that he loved him because of the way his stomach reacted whenever he thought about him or saw him. It was nervousness mixed with lust, evoking strong emotions in him. There was something slightly forbidden about loving Nick; maybe it was his age, or his naivety. But with AJ, the love was natural and it felt right. He didn't think twice about it because the feeling was buried deep down, deep where Kevin never thought to reach. Now the feeling was rising, and Kevin started to realise just how foolish he had been. All those wasted months, years, lusting over Nick, when true happiness stood right in front of him all the time. AJ wasn't Nick, and Kevin didn't like to think that he was. But he was something else, something that Kevin needed. "But you've blown it now." Kevin told himself. "Any chance that you might have had is gone. He'll just think he's second best." He sighed. He'd been so foolish. He couldn't tell AJ now, it would look so bad. But Kevin was sick of the lies, sick of the deceit. He wanted a clean start, and he now realised that he wanted it with AJ. He didn't know if he could bear it if his words fell on deaf ears, but at least he could say that he'd tried. He suddenly knew what he had to do. If he couldn't make AJ listen through words, then he'd make him listen through another method. Reaching into his bedside cabinet drawer, he picked up some clean paper and a pen and began to write. Penultimate = second to last. Chapter 12 = penultimate. Figured it out yet? You will.