Date: Fri, 22 Sep 2000 18:30:20 GMT From: Elly Iles <uptowngurrl@hotmail.com> Subject: Little White Lies - 7 Chapter 7 Nick hadn't forgotten about it the next day. They were travelling to Germany by private jet, and he was obviously in one hell of a bad mood. Kevin noticed that he didn't actually look angry, just hurt. Understandable, of course. But it was upsetting to look at. "Nick?" AJ spoke across the plane loud enough for them all to hear. Nick looked up from his magazine. "Yeah?" "Seeing as Brian deserted you, do you wanna share a room with me when we get to the hotel room in Germany?" "Yeah, I would." Nick answered. Kevin looked across at Brian who was currently fuming. "I didn't desert him." Brian told AJ angrily. "I was gonna share with him when we got to Germany." "Don't lie." Nick told him, indignant. "You had no intention of sharing with me." "What about Howie?" Kevin looked across at the quietest band-member, who was watching the unfurling argument with boredom. "Don't worry about me." Howie shrugged. "I'd prefer being on my own. Unlike some people I like privacy." "So that's decided then." AJ nodded. He looked across at Kevin and smirked. Kevin knew what that smirk meant. It meant that he could tell Nick whenever he wanted to now. And there was nothing Kevin could do about it. *** "Man, I hate Germany." AJ complained, for what seemed like the hundredth time since they'd come off the plane and escaped the screaming fans in a not-at-all noticeable limousine. Brian sighed and stared out of the window. He'd always quite liked Germany himself, with its pretty towns and countryside. And so what if the girls didn't shave their armpits. It wasn't as if he really noticed the girls. "I mean, there's nothing to it. This country was responsible for Hitler, one of the most evil but cleverest men ever born, and they're like, backwards still. Didn't they take any notice of what he said? Probably not, they were probably too busy losing the war." "Shut up AJ." Kevin looked at him in disgust. "Don't be so damn racist." "Some people would call it opinionated." "Some people would call it fucked." Howie muttered. Brian smiled. "Point to Howie." "Well I'm sticking to it." AJ crossed his arms. "This country is backwards. The only good thing to come out of it is the beer." *** Brian dumped his stuff down in the hotel room. It seemed strange not sharing with Nick. Kevin was too scarily neat. If he had been sharing with Nick, there would be mess the moment they entered the room. Brian always wondered how Nick managed it, but he liked it. It made the room look normal. Brian wanted a hotel room, not a doctor's surgery. "Which bed do you want?" Kevin asked. Brian pulled his attention back to his cousin. He was constantly lapsing, thinking of Nick. He had to stop that now. "Whatever." Brian shrugged. "Okay, I'll take this one." Kevin put his suitcase on the bed with the best view of the TV. "Guess I'll take this one." Brian scowled. He noticed, with annoyance, that Kevin even placed his suitcase down neatly. This was going to be a long tour. *** Nick shut his eyes and tried to block out AJ's loud singing. He was absolutely exhausted, and AJ knew it, although he was currently doing a good job of ignoring it. "Sure you don't wanna come out tonight, Nicky? Get some girl action for once?" He called over the room, unnecessarily loud. "I'm sure." Nick pulled the pillow over his head to muffle the voice. It didn't stop AJ from sighing loudly, and then walking over to Nick's bed and pulling the pillow away from him. "You know, Nick, you gotta step into the real world sooner or later." "Can it wait until I don't feel quite so tired?" "You'll attract the wrong kind of attention. It'll seem strange, a good-looking kid like you not showing an interest in girls. People will get ideas." "What is that meant to mean?" "You know what it means. You don't want to be associated with gays, do you?" "Get lost AJ." Nick scowled as he realised what AJ was saying. "So far today you've managed to slag off Germans and gays. It's getting boring." "I'm just warning you, Nicky. I know a bloke who's already expressed an interest. And he won't be the only one." AJ walked away. Nick sat up. "Who?" He asked. "Just someone. All I'm doing is warning you." AJ finished putting on some aftershave. "So are you coming?" "No." Nick shook his head. "I wasn't lying. I'm too tired to go anywhere." "Great, leave me with Howie to go clubbing." AJ inspected himself in the mirror, obviously liking what he was seeing. "What a fun night this will be." He went back to singing loudly. Nick groaned and pulled the pillow back over his head. *** Kevin lay awake in the pitch black, looking at the ceiling. He was so bored. Brian had decided to go out with Howie and AJ. Kevin was now aware that Nick was next door, asleep. He wanted to see him so badly. Maybe he isn't asleep, Kevin thought. Maybe he's awake, and as bored as me. A plan began to form in his mind. He could go in and see if he was awake. If he was, then he'd just ask him if he could borrow his walkman. Then he could ask him if he wanted to talk or something. Anything. He just wanted to be near him. He pulled on some trousers and walked out of the room, to the hotel corridor. Why do I feel so nervous, he wondered. He's probably asleep. He knocked quietly on the door, and hearing no answer, walked in. He could make out Nick laying in the bed furthest away from the door. "Kev?" Nick asked drowsily. "Yeah, it's me kiddo." Kevin told him. "I was just wondering if I could borrow your walkman?" "It's in my suitcase, down by the door." Nick answered, turning over. Kevin realised that seeing if he wanted to stay up was out of the question. The kid was exhausted. Kevin rummaged round in his suitcase, wondering how he ever found anything in it. Didn't he realise that clothes had to be folded if they were going to remain crease-free. Kevin's hand fell on some paper. Lots of paper. There must have been about twenty sheets. Intrigued, he tried to make one of them out, but it was next to impossible in the dark. It was obviously a sketch, but who or what it was wasn't so easy to distinguish. Without thinking, Kevin switched on the lamp on the bedside cabinet next to him. "Kevin." Nick groaned, but Kevin wasn't listening. His hands trembled as he looked through the sketches. They were all of one person. The last person Kevin wanted them to be of. "Oh shit, Kev." Nick looked over to what he was holding. "Kevin, don't look at them." "You seem to like sketching Brian." Kevin observed numbly. Nick stood up, his blue eyes filling with an unreadable emotion. It might have been sadness, but it was mixed with fear as well. "Oh God Kevin, what am I gonna do?" Nick asked. "I didn't wanna fall in love with him, I really didn't." Kevin felt his world shattering around him as he heard those words. His heart did more than break, it ripped itself out of his chest and pulled apart right in front of his face. "What am I gonna do?" Nick repeated. He was crying lightly, but it was getting more intense. He climbed out of bed and walked over to Kevin, crouching down next to him. "Please Kev, you have to help me." "What do you want me to do, Nick?" Kevin asked. "Make Brian gay, make him fall in love with you. I can't." No, he screamed at himself. Stop it right now. Tell him, you bastard. He deserves to be happy, they both do. But he couldn't. His conscience now seemed so blunt you couldn't even tear tin foil on it. "I don't want to feel like this." Nick sobbed. He looked to Kevin for comfort, of any kind, but Kevin could only stare at him dumbly. He regained his composure long enough to pull Nick in to hug him. "It's not your fault." He whispered in his ear. "You can't help how you feel. But it's an emotional dead end as far as Brian's concerned. He's not gay, Nick, and you know how committed a Christian he is. He believes that people shouldn't practise homosexuality." "But I can't help it." Nick pulled away from Kevin and stood up. Kevin followed him. "You know, every day I wake up and wish I wasn't like this. I wish I could stop these feelings, but they won't go away. And I hate myself." Nick sobbed loudly. "I hate myself every time I see him, every time I want him." "Don't you ever hate yourself." Kevin told him fiercely. "You're the most amazing kid I've ever known, Nick. Your kindness and your innocence and your beauty, they amaze me more every day. And if Brian can't see that, then it's his fucking loss." "No, Kevin, it's mine. Believe me, it's mine. I'm nothing without him, and I am without him. I'm nothing, Kev." "No." Kevin pulled him close again. "You're everything. You're more than everything. I wish I knew what to say to make you see that, but you have to know it." "It's not enough." Nick shook his head. "How can I be everything if I'm nothing to Brian?" "Because you're everything to me." Kevin whispered. Nick looked at him, his eyes growing in confusion. "What do you mean?" "You love Brian. I love you." Kevin shrugged. "It's as simple as that." "Oh, Kevin." Nick hugged him tightly. "I wish I could love you back, you know? And I'm sorry I can't." "You have nothing to be sorry about." Kevin whispered in his ear. "But you know I'm always here for you. Forever." "I'm so tired." Nick rested against Kevin's chest. Kevin never wanted the moment to end, but he knew it had to. With a heavy heart he pulled away from Nick and then led him over to the bed. Nick lay down gratefully, his eyes shutting as soon as his head hit the pillow. Kevin kissed him softly on his salty cheek before putting the sketches back in the suitcase, turning out the light and walking back into his hotel room. Behind closed doors he finally let himself cry. Aw, not a dry eye in the house, hey? I'm sorry, I know it was bloody depressing, and I know I'm offending a lot of people who are suckers for Kev/Nick stories, but I wanted an interesting story line. And trust me, it is going to get a whole lot more interesting!