Date: Thu, 31 Aug 2000 16:16:29 EDT From: Adam I <aci_85@hotmail.com> Subject: Loneliness Unmasked - Chapter 15 Legal Disclaimer - This story is ficticous. If you disagree with men being intimately together, then do not continue. If you do not like to read about The Backstreet Boys and NSYNC in gay roles, then stop. This story contains both boy bands, and some pop divas, all of which are not presumed to be gay in real life. This story is just that, a story. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ CHAPTER 15 - HOPE LOST REGAINED ------------------------------------------------------------------------ BRIAN AND JUSTIN'S HOME ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 2 weeks had passed since Justin found out about his mother. He still had scratches and bruises from JC's fists, and emotional scars to go with them. He barely left the house, talked to no one, not even Brian. Although Brian left everyday for his recording studio, Justin stayed alone. Phone calls came into the house, Brian trying to check up on Justin most of the time. Justin did not answer the phone though, he just sat in there bedroom, utterly blank. Minutes turned into hours, and the hours flew by until night fall approached Orlando. Brian was done at the studio, stopping to pick up food before entering the house, in search of Justin. "I'm home babe." Hollering Brian, kicked open the door with his foot. His hands occupied the key hole, and the other the food. He got no answer, and heard nothing. "Justin, where are you?" Brian shut the door, stopping in the kitchen for messages. 'You have 10 new messages' The machine spewed out the command, Brian knowing that at least 8 of them were from him. He wished Justin would answer when he called, it just made him worry more. Setting the food down, Brian knew Justin would be in there bedroom, sleeping or in a day dream. "Justin, we need to talk. You just can't keep it all in, it's been days since you've been outside. You are constantly alone, and you hate being alone. What's bugging you?" Brian took a seat next to a visibly shaken Justin. His eyes were black, more from the lack of sleep then from JC's fists. "Later." Justin didn't want to talk, and he didn't care if it upset Brian. He was completely out of it, not a real knowledge of what was going on around him. Around him, many things were happening. AJ and Brittany had hooked up, now an item, while Nick continued to pursue Christina, who he had found himself to have a crush on. She flirted back, but he wasn't sure if she liked him. "Ya know, there may not be a later. What if we don't talk for days, and then the house catches on fire, or I get in a car accident? Then what, there won't be a later?" Brian was concerned, he meant not to hurt Justin, but to let him know how he felt. He was tired of being in the dark on Justin's feelings for the last week. Still no answer, no sign of any feeling, Brian continued. "Well, if you won't talk, then you're gonna listen. AJ and Brittany are dating now. They started about 8 days ago. They wanted us to double date, but you haven't left the house for 2 weeks babe. They are all worried, they've called every day, but you don't want to talk to them. You don't want to talk to any one. Not even me, and whether you know it or not, you are hurting me." Brian was begin to choke on tears he held back. Swallowing, he pushed them back getting a clean start on his words again. "And I can't live with it, I don't have the Justin I love, I don't you any more. You aren't the Justin I asked to marry, you are some complete opposite." The words hurt Brian more then they phased Justin. Brian was having a very hard time speaking with out crying, but held them in. He didn't want to cry for the cause, it disgusted him to cry over Lynn and JC. But Justin's pain was more then enough to make him want to. But he would hold it in. "Justin, talk to me, please, just talk to me. I need to hear your voice, I need you back. I love you." Brian was now almost begging for Justin to talk, waiting, hoping, sighing in pain. The mere thought of leaving Justin had crossed his mind numerous times. There love was strong, but Brian couldn't just sit idly by well Justin sank himself into depression. It hurt him to much. "I love you, didn't you hear me? I love you, and I don't know if you love me any more." Brian couldn't help it now, the tears flowed with out remorse. Sobs followed, until he was breaking down, holding himself, because Justin wasn't there to hold him. Brian looked up with pain in his eyes, to see Justin too was crying. "I love you Brian, it's just, I don't want to talk, I can't." Justin said the limited words, his tears flowing, but no moans were accompaning them. Like the days he spent to himself, he cried, but not loud, so no one could here, he held in his moans. "If you don't talk to me, then how will I know if you need me? I need to know Justin, I need to be able to help you. You are going to be my husband, and if you can't let me help you, then we can't get married." Brian couldn't believe he had said the words. He hoped Justin wouldn't take them seriously, wouldn't get angered. "I, I, I, You," Justin didn't know what to say, he didn't want to say anything. But the thoughts were slowly processing in Justin's head, he needed to talk to Brian. There relationship had been great, when they could communicate, but now it was in shambles. And Justin knew he was to blame. "Please, hold me?" Justin looked up, finding the words he wanted to say. "Can we talk about it first?" Brian was almost begging, mad that he had turned Justin down. It would be contact, something they had not shared for weeks. "Please hold me. I'll talk to you in the morning, I swear, just please hold me." Justin was now begging, stronger then he ever had. Brian didn't know why Justin needed to be held, didn't question it either. It was something he knew Justin needed, the fact of some one holding him, loving him, was all he needed. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ NEXT MORNING - 11:00 a.m. - BRIAN AND JUSTIN'S KITCHEN ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Get up." Brian was not quiet, not patient, but yet demanding. He shook Justin violently, not caring if he woke him rapidly. "Huh, I thought you would be at work." Justin was confused after looking at the clock. He expected Brian to be at work at 8. Thinking he would have the day to think about what to say. "I called off, you said we would talk, and I want to talk." Brian was still demanding it. He was upset, and angry. Upset that he had to demand it from Justin, and angry that Justin had forgotten. "Alright, can I have a few more minutes?" Justin looked up hoping the answer would be yes. "No, now." Brian pulled the covers off, Justin stood angrily. Following him to the living room. Justin grabbed a blanket taking a seat next to Brian. "Justin tell me everything, what's bugging you?" "I don't know anymore. I don't feel like I have anything to look forward to. My mom was the master mind behind my abuse as a child. My bandmates abused me, in front of my boy friend and my mother. My little brother thinks being gay is wrong, and my mother told him that. I don't have a loving family like you do, I don't have a band any more, I don't have a career, and I don't have the love of life any more." Brian was shocked that Justin had talked so much in his first attempt to get answers. He was taken back, but knew if he waited to talk, it would hurt Justin. "Justin, your mom isn't worth it, and your brother loves you. And you can get a career, you are talented, and handsome, those are some good qualities. And as for life, don't you have the love for me still? Do you realize how you would tear me apart if you ever left me, if you ever died. I wouldn't be able to live, not after that." Brian grabbed Justin wrapping his arms around him. "I love you Justin, I love you." "I love you Brian, but what else do I have?" "Isn't it enough? Isn't enough to know that I love you, that I can help you?" Brian released the hug, obviously hurt by Justin's comments. Justin didn't know what to do, what to say. He wanted to leave, he wanted to hide, he wanted to cry, but knew he couldn't. "I didn't mean it like that Brian, I love you, but that's it, I don't love any one else, I don't love life anymore." "Justin, please, pretty soon I will have to back on tour, and if you keep this up, you won't go. I can't spend a whole tour away from you, worrying about you, thinking about you. It will drive me crazy. If I can't give you a love for life, then we aren't meant to be. I know I used to be the reason for your life, but I guess it changed, I guess I missed it." Brian knew what he was saying, he comprehended it, but Justin didn't. Justin couldn't believe that Brian was saying, saying that it was over. Brian was calling off the wedding, and there relationship. Unless Justin could bring himself back to reality. "It's not that easy Brian, I wish it could be. I want to go with you on tour, I want to be with you. And you are my only reason for life, you are the only person left that loves me, if you leave, I don't know, I don't know if I won't kill myself." Justin said it, what he had been thinking of for the last two weeks. What he did when he was locked in the bedroom. He contemplated it every day, never doing it. Knowing that Brian was what he needed. "If you go, if you walk away, you'll break the promise. You made that promise to me in love, and I still have that love, and so do you. If you break it, then you are throwing that love away, and I can't watch you do it." "Then help me out, come with me to recordings, talk to me. Answer the phone. I do love you, I always will, but right now, it's just so hard to watch you disintergrate in front of me." Brian grabbed Justin again, wrapping his arms around the body tight. He didn't want to let go, ever, he couldn't. It was the embrace that held them together, the words Justin would say next, would be the end result of there whole relationship. "I'd do anything to keep your love, our love." Justin didn't want Brian to let him go. The strong arms held him with love, and he truly thought Brian was the only one who could give it to him. "Call the guys, and lets go out." Justin wasn't sure if he really wanted to go out, but he knew it would happy Brian. "Really, are you sure?" Brian was shocked by Justin's idea, but didn't let go of the hug. But he did move his face to brings his lips inches away from Justin's. Justin knew what was coming, and he loved the thought. It had been two weeks since they had kissed, two weeks. The kiss was passionate, loving, and yet still erotic. Brian pulled away when he felt himself becoming aroused. Justin smiled, looking down to see that he too was hard. "Um do you really want them to come? Because that could wait for an hour or two." Brian didn't wait for an answer, pushing Justin down on the couch. Justin moveds his hand to Brian's chest, rubbing it under the shirt he wore. Feeling Brian's body against his was amazing, even through clothes. Brian lifted his own shirt, throwing it to the side, and then stopping to peel Justin's off. Justin quickly stripping his boxers, while Brian peeled his jeans off, followed by his boxers. Resuming back to making out, Brian and Justin's hands roamed each other's bodies. Brian's nesting on Justin back, while Justin fondled Brian's ball sac. Going down, Justin began to suck away at Brian's cock. It had been a good while since Justin had returned the favor to Brian and was obliged. He sucked away, slowly and then faster, until Brian could take it no more. Brian screamed in pleasure, as with out touch, Justin lost it too, shooting his cum at the same time. Justin swallowed Brian's, to the last drop, and released it, moaning. "Bri, I'm, gon, gonna, get a show, shower." Justin stood and walked away. Brian was speechless, he had not only brought Justin out of his depression, but that had done something sexual together for the first time in a while. Brian rubbed the cum off his stomach with his shirt. Putting on his pants, he grabbed the shirt heading to the laundry room. "Hey, Kev, why don't you and the guys come over today?" Brian was now waiting for Justin in the kitchen. He used the time to call his cousin. "Um, what about Justin, isn't he still, ya know, sulking?" "Nope, not any more, trust me he's fine. Any ways it will do him some good to know you guys care." "Alright great, I will have AJ and Brittany meet us there. See ya in 10." "Great, see ya then cuz." Brian hung up the phone, hoping Justin would be done in 10 minutes. Justin was done, he was in the bed room changing, grabbing some of his nice clothes. It wasn't a special occasion, but it was the first day he would be seeing them all in weeks. "Bri, I'm done." Justin ran down the steps screaming. Brian was sitting on the couch, still shirtless. Justin jumped on his lap. "What are you trying to do Brian Litrell? Get a shirt on, before you turn your band mates gay." "I don't think I'm that cute. Now maybe if you got out of those pants, I'm sure then, that they'd be gay in a minute." Brian joked with the happy Justin. The Justin he loved. "What ever, your mine, and that's all I want." Justin had stopped joking, being serious at the moment. "I know, same goes for me. The guys and Brittany will be over in like 5 minutes." Brian agreed with Justin, and then thought of bringing up the arrival of there soon to be guests. "Fine with me, I'm ready. I wanna see my best friend any ways, I wanna know what she is thinking dating AJ." Brian was happy to see Justin not only excited about something, but joking about it too. It seemed like a complete turn around, a 180, but he was happy none the less. "I think they will be a good couple, and what about Nick and Christina?" Brian wanted to get Justin's input, maybe he knew something Nick could do to get into her heart. "Oh thats simple, he should just ask her. I'm sure she'd say yes." Justin smiled, finding the question stupid and irrevelent, much to Brian's surprise. "And why is that?" "Well because one, she is a great looking lady, two, Nick is a great looking guy, and three I could tell she had a crush on him when you guys were still touring." Justin waited to say the most important thing until the end. "So, you think Christina and Nick are hot?" Brian didn't bother with the info. It would help him out with Nick's situation, but he wanted to joke around with Justin more. "Well, sure, I guess if you wanna say it like that, yeah." Justin was shocked when he heard giggles from behind him. Standing there were none other Christina and Nick, with every one else behind them. They had apparently heard the last swapping of words between Justin and Brian, as Brian was laughing hysterically. "I didn't know you were still attracted to ladies Justin." Christina joked hugging Justin. She was happy to see Justin up, he limped slightly to her, but he was off the crutches now. "Yeah, don't take it to your head, it was just a compliment. Anyways, I'm not the one whose got a crush on you." Justin knew he was letting to much info out, but wanted to see what it would turn into. He was surprised when he felt arms pull him down to the couch and wrap around him. Brian began to kiss his cheeks, holding him tightly. "You shouldn't say things, unless you want the reprecussion." Brian kept up the kissing, and held Justin tight, not letting him loose. He finally subsided, smiling, letting Justin sit relaxing on his lap. "Who's got a crush on me?" Christina wanted to know, although she had a hunch. "Um" Justin didn't continue looking at Brian, and then at Nick. He didn't want to completely say it, he just wanted to get it out into the air, so she knew. "Where's AJ and Brittany?" "They will be coming soon, we had him go pick her up." Kevin and Howie appeared into the living room, for some odd reason Kevin had a huge smile on his face. 'I wish I could tell every one about my relationship, oh well, time we tell.' Kevin smiled again, thinking to himself about what he was feeling. "Well, don't worry we are here now, the second you guys open your mouth we walk in the door." AJ stood behind Kevin, catching him off guard as Brittany ran to Justin hugging him. "Hey Brit, nice to see ya." Justin smiled pulling out of the hug, so he could regain his breathe. "Did ya hear, didja." Brittany waited for an answer. "Yeah, congratulations, you two make a cute couple." Justin smiled again, laughing at Brittany's anxiousness. "We are still cuter though." Brian pulled Justin close, kissing him on the cheek. "Much cuter." "I would have to agree with my man." Justin smiled for the third time in a row, hoping that tonight would really be a new birth in a way. "Christina could I talk to you in the kitchen for a minute?" Nick broke Justin's happiness, as he asked for Christina to be alone. Justin didn't expect him to do it so early. Christina nodded and the two headed to the kitchen. "Um I guess he got enough guts to do it." Brian smiled looking at Justin, causing his smile to grow larger "So, Kev, you seem to be happy tonight, extremely happy, care to share?" Brian was anxious to see if Kevin had a reason to be so happy. Kevin did, but he didn't know if he wanted to share. It was something everyone may not be comfortable with was the only thing he could think of in his mind. "Maybe when they get back." Was all Kevin said, looking for help, a small nod was all he recieved. "I got a boyfriend." Christina came running out of the kitchen, dragging Nick by the hand. Nick only smiled, rubbing his cheek. He was turning red, and trying to hide it. "Congratulations you two, now I have something to say too." Kevin stood, he assumed now was a good as time as any. "Um, I just wanted to tell you guys, that I'm gay." Kevin had more to say, but wanted to wait until he recieved a sign from every one. "Wow, um that's great cuz." Brian was the first to speak, knowing it was probably tough for Kevin to say it, even though he knew they would all understand. "There's more. I have a boyfriend." Kevin started over, hoping to get it all in one sentence, but stopped, being cut off. "Me." Howie smiled, wrapping his arm around Kevin's shoulder. "Whoa, how long?" Brian now questioned, every one else a little taken back by it. "Um, well it's been a while actually. Since we've been back to Orlando I guess." Kevin answered, planting a kiss on Howie's lips. "Well congratulations, now no one is single, and we all can be happy." Brian stood up and grabbed Justin. "Let's head to the kitchen and get some food, find out more about every one's new relationships. Since every thing just seems to happen so fast." ------------------------------------------------------------------------ LIVING ROOM - 11:00 p.m. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Lunch for the group was great, and so was dinner. The whole night had went according to plan. Justin had fun, every one had fun. No one was alone, no one had to fear that feeling of loneliness, and they knew it would alter some things, but that everything would be great. The discussions at the meal times were basically about the new couples. Justin wanting to know about Brittany and AJ and how they came to be. He had known Brittany had the crush on AJ, but had never known AJ shared the feelings. Learning that they had already had sex, was a shock to Justin, but he didn't say anything. Finding out about Kevin and Howie was what the majority wanted to know. Kevin had basically said that he and Howie were sharing a room at Nick's and he caught Howie looking at porn. No big deal since Howie was known to be horny, but when he saw that it wasn't just any porn, but pictures from the internet of him, he was shocked. Howie tried to calm him down, but was met with Kevin's lips. And they had been dated ever since. The huge shock of this relationship, was that they too had had sex, in fact the first night. Brian had not hid his feelings, and bashed his cousin in front of every one, before apologizing and calming down under Justins' advisement. Now Justin and Brian sat alone in the living room, Justin resting on Brian, just relaxing. The tv was off, the house was quiet, except for the sighs Brian made every so often. Obviously trying to get Justin to speak, but to comfortable to really speak himself. "Do you think every one will last? Ya know, the couples?" Justin started the conversation in words, that he had been thinking in his mind. "I don't know. I think AJ and Brittany have a chance. But Kevin and Howie worry me. They are going to have to tour together, work together, live together, and through it all stay strong. They'll know everything the other one does, and it won't give them any privacy. And I kinda got the feeling that it was a lot about the sex." Brian didn't want to say what he had been thinking about his cousin's relationship. He was happy Kevin was happy, and that Kevin had found some one. Although it had beena complete shock to every one, that out of them all Kevin was gay. "What about Christina and Nick?" "It's too early, they just started to date. I don't think so though. I think it's just puppy love. To young I guess to really experience it." "Hey, Nick is older then me." "But they are both young, and you are mature for your age, you've been through a lot, and understand what real love is. I don't think Nick has yet." "Oh, okay." "I'm sure they have a chance though." "Do you think, do you think, um well will we last?" Justin asked the question, although he knew his answer was yes, he wanted to hear Brian say it too. "Of course, we got through the past two weeks, and a lot worse then that. I think we will be a great married couple." "Have you ever thought about kids Bri?" "Um, Justin, I don't know. I think it would be a little hard, ya know, after all we are both men." "I know that, but I mean adopt, like after we are married. A little boy or girl, to call our own." "I don't know, I've never really thought about it. I'm sure it could be a possibility." "It's a big one for me, I've always wanted children." "We can talk about it, when we get married, and settle in to the routine of me being on tour." "Well, I'll be on tour with you." "Most of the time." "What do you mean, all the time." "Justin, you can't come every where, it would get to hectic. And I'm talking in the distant future, so let's not worry about it now." "Alright, fine. When do you go back on tour?" "Next month, I think September 12 or something. But we will be off by December 10th, which will give us plenty of time for the wedding." "Okay, That's like 4 months." "It isn't that long, but could we please not talk about it now." "Brian, 4 months is a lot to be away from you. Maybe you can handle the odd visit here and there, but I can't. I want to travel with you, for the whole tour, or at least most of it." Justin was now beginning to grow upset at the topic, but wanted an answer. "Baby, with all the couples, in the same bus, it is going to get annoying, and hectic. And I don't want to fight with you, but if we are in that situation we will fight too." "That's your reason, you don't want to end up fighting with me. Great reason Brian, except we are fighting over it right now." Justin pulled away from Brian's arms, sitting up right. "I'm going to bed, coming?" Justin words were almost harsh. "Please don't do this Justin, if you want to come that bad, then come. I don't want to go to bed angry, especially not with you acting so damn childish." "I'm not childish, I just want to be with the person I love. Instead of not seeing him for 4 months. I didn't realize that was a crime." "It isn't, I'm sorry, I want to be with you too. I just don't want to end up fighting." "Let's go to bed, this is over with, and we will have blown it over in the morning any ways." Justin grabbed Brian's hand, pulling him up. Upset Brian agreed. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ MORNING - STUDIOS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Guys, guys, guys. What is happening here? You were good the other day, I give you one break, and you come back with memory loss. Kevin, stop staring at Howie, Justin stop smiling at Brian you are ruining his sad moments. AJ, Nick, stop staring at your girls, and lets get in the groove boys." Fatima was barking orders left and right. Justin didn't like that she had ordered him to stop smiling, but did as he was told. Turning he made his way over to Christina and Brittany. "So, having fun?" Justin asked, grabbing a donut from the snack table. "Actually, no, we aren't allowed to be looked at by our boyfriends." Brittany answered for both Christina and herself. "Don't worry, she won't be like this all day, after the first break she'll loosen up. Any ways, did you guys get good night sleeps last night?" Justin changed the subject, standing up for Fatima. He wanted to change the subject, before he heard something he didn't want to say. "Yeah, AJ and I had a great night's sleep. We basically fell asleep right after we got back." Brittany smiled cheerfully turning her attention along with Justin's to Christina. "Me and Nick had a good night, our first nigh together." Christina cooed at her own words. "You had sex already." Justin stuttered out, almost dropping his donut to the floor. "No, we just cuddled." Christina laughed at Justin's shock. "I'm not that kind of a girl Justin, I'm gonna wait at least til the 3rd date." "What about you? Have a good night after we left?" Brittany looked Justin in the eyes, the ones she had fallen in love with. Not love love, but sibling type love. "Um, well not so great. We got in a fight over the upcoming tour, and a few other things." Justin didn't look into Brittany's eyes, he diverted his to the floor. It was on thing Justin couldn't do, look some one in the eyes when he was confessing secrets. "I'm sure it wasn't anything big." Brittany played it off, hoping Christina would jump in too. "But it was, he didn't want me to go on tour with you guys." Justin said, still not looking up. Brian and the others kept up the dance, Fatima barking orders. "Maybe you misunderstood him. I'm sure he wants you to be with him." Brittany continued to try and make up for anything Brian might have said to him the other night. "No, he said it would be to hectic, and we would argue. I can't stay away from him for 4 months, so we argued over it." "Just, I'm sure it wasn't that big of a deal. I mean your coming with us, so he must have gotten over it by now." Brittany smiled, hoping Justin would too. Christina still showed no signs of jumping into the conversation. "I wish it wasn't, to him it wasn't. To me it was everything, he basically said he could live with out me for 4 months. I can't hear that, I don't want to hear that." "Well, how did the whole arguement start?" Brittany wanted to hear the whole story, hoping she could piece it together, and help her friend. "I told him I want a baby one day, after we were married. He said he didn't know, and it would have to wait until we saw how things went when he was on tour. I said well I'll be with you, and he said he didn't think so." Justin pauesed. "Something about with all the couples, and all the fighting, and he and I would get in a fight, and he didn't want to fight with me. But that just caused our fight last night. I love him, and I know he loves me, but I don't know how he could even think about being away from me for so long." "It was just a fight Justin, you know he doesn't want to be away from you. It would drive him crazy just like you. You saw how he worried constantly the last 2 weeks. Imagine 4 months of that." Brittany thought these words could help him. Justin knew how paranoid Brian had been the past weeks. He called constantly, checked in on him, even if he got no response. "I'm sure you're right, I just need to hear it from him. I want him to ask me to come, but not just because he has to so we don't fight, but beause he wants to." Justin looked up and over towards a now sitting Brian. The guys were all drinking a glass of water on the end of the stage, obviously on a small break. "I think I'll go talk to him now, see if it really did blow over." "Looks like your lover boy is coming this way." AJ cooed, taking a sip of his water, standing and making his way towards Brittany, Nick following to get to Christina. Howie and Kevin were already off on there own. "Um, Brian, have you thought about last night?" "Yeah, I did actually." "And?" "And what?" "I guess nothing" "Justin, I don't know what you want to hear. Just tell me." "I wanted you to ask me to go, I wanted you to be sincere about it. But I can see you don't want me to go. So I'll stay in Orlando." Justin said the words, that were aching to be screamed, but he kept at a level voice. "Justin, I want you to go, but I'm not going to ask you. It's up to you, and you know it." "I don't know it Brian, I don't know what you want an..........." Justin found himself suddenly sick, taking off towards the bathroom, darting through the door, the toilet came into view just in time. Justin vomited into it for several minutes. He hoped Brian would have followed, but he didn't. Standing he found himself weak, and took a seat back on the floor. "What am I going to do?" Justin spoke allowed. He was so busy he didn't notice that Brian had come in afterall. "You can come with me. Please?" Brian was now standing in the stall, an open hand to help Justin up was out and extending. "Are you just saying that because I'm sick?" "No, I mean it. I want you to come." Brian pulled Justin to his feet. Justin smiled, slightly, not a real smile, but yet a happy image. "I think you should head home. I'll get Brittany or Christina to take you home." Brian didn't even wait for an answer helping Justin shuffle towards the stage again. "Do any of you think you could give Justin a ride home?" Brian eyed Brittany and Christina. "Well, we have to start our recording in ten minutes, sorry." Brittany answered for herself and Christina. "Why, what's wrong with him?" "He's just sick, he'll be fine." Brian was surprised when Justin smiled with him. "Brian, get outta here. Take your man home, and come back tomorrow." Brian was shocked to hear Fatima's kindness. "I told you she wasn't so bad." Justin meekly said to Brittany. "Thanks Fatima, I really appriciate it. I'll be back bright and early, and the moves will be down pact." Brian helped Justin out of the building quickly. Helping Justin into the car and pulling out. "Justin, you gonna be okay? Ya know, you aren't going to be sick are you?" Brian looked over at a pale Justin. Justin was sweating slightly, and it was obvious he was sick. "Um, I think so." Justin answered, speaking just as meekly as he had earlier. "Are you sure? Because if you need to, you can. It's just a car, it can be cleaned." Brian didn't want Justin to feel like he would be a problem if he was sick. It wasn't the first time Justin was sick or hurt, but some how it felt like it to Brian. "No, I'm fine," Justin stopped, catching his breath. "I just need to get some sleep." "Alright, we'll be home soon, just hold on." Brian put a hand on Brian's leg, rubbing it to show Justin he was there. Driving with one hand, Brian managed to get home in 8 minutes. "Come on babe, I'll carry you." Brian picked Justin up, carrying him just like he said into the house. Placing him down in the living room, Brian grabbed some blankets tucking him in. "You okay babe, do you need anything?" "Just one thing." Justin said. "What? Anything." "Will you hold me while I sleep?" Justin didn't know why, but he didn't think Brian would say yes. He didn't want Brian to get sick, but he wanted to know he was right there if he needed him. "Sure." Brian stepped over Justin, and fell down, wrapping his arms around Justin's waist. "Go to sleep babe." Brian kissed Justin's forehead, feeling the obvious heat from a fever that must have been growing. Not wanting to say anything, Brian nestled his head into Justin's back, sleeping. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ BRIAN AND JUSTIN'S HOUSE - 7:00 p.m. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The knock at the door was the fifth one in 5 minutes. Kevin and the others stood impatiently outside on the front porch of Brian's home. "Does anyone have a key?" Kevin looked around, everyone had the impression that it was a no. "Um, wait, I never gave mine back." Christina popped open her purse, Nick smiling that his girlfriend was the clever one. "Here ya go Kev." Handing the key to him, Kevin placed it in and popped open the door. "Brian, Justin, you in here?" It wasn't much need to even open there mouths, as they walked by the living room they could see the sleeping couple. "They must have been sleeping since like 10 a.m. Maybe we should wake them up." Howie had his arm wrapped around Kevin as he asked the question. He stared at the peaceful couple, wondering if he and Kevin would make it that far. "I think your right." Kevin walked in, gently shoving Brian. Opening his eyes, Brian looked up, and then at Justin. Moving his hand up from under the covers, he felt Justin's forehead. "Hey guys, keep it down, Justin's gotta fever, I want him to get some sleep." Brian looked up away from Justin now, focusing on the group. "We can go out back, while he sleeps." Brian pulled himself away from Justin, hoping he wouldn't wake up. "Brian?" Justin's eyes were still shut, Brian was unsure if he was speaking in his sleep, or if he was awake. "Bri, where are you?" Justin moved his hand, in evidence that he was awake. "I'm right here, Just, get some sleep, I'll just be out back with the guys." Brian grabbed Justin's hand, letting him know he was still there. "I'll come too." Justin didn't even open his eyes as he said it. Trying to sit up was tough. "No you won't, you have a fever. You are going to stay inside, I'll get some soup on, and get you a few more blankets. Because you my friend have the flu." Brian smiled, pushing Justin slightly back into the couch. "Um, okay." Justin laid back down, not wanting to fight, he didn't have the strength to argue, and he knew Brian was right. The others followed as Brian walked out of the room towards the kitchen. "You guys can wait outside, I'm gonna get him the soup like I said, and then get him a pillow and another blanket. After that I'll meet you outside." Brian watched as his friends went outside. Each in some one's arms, or holding some one with theres. Brian smiled, he was happy for his friends. Placing the soup on, he rushed to the upstairs for a pillow. Back downstairs, Brian grabbed a blanket to add to his collection. "Justin, I'm gonna take your temperature." Justin didn't respond, just opened his mouth. Brian popped in the thermoteter and Justin clamped down his tongue. "Alright." Brian pulled it out, looking at it. "Only 99, not that bad." Brian smiled, putting the pillow behind Justin's head, and placing the other blanket over the first. "Your soup should be done, I'll bring it in." Brian turned and made his way to the kitchen. Turning off the burner, and grabbing the bowl, he threw in a spoon, rushing back to Justin. "Here ya go, it's hot so be careful." Brian went to hand the bowl to Justin, but Justin didn't reach for it. "Could you feed me? I don't have the energy to sit up." Brian couldn't object, he wanted to feed Justin. He wanted to help him, in any way he could. "Yep." Brian smiled, and began to feed the almost lifeless Justin. Justin ate and swallowed as much as he could, before opening his eyes to see that Brian was not alone. Behind him stood all there friends. Brian had no idea, and until now neither did he. Brian saw Justin's startled eyes, and looked over his shoulder. "Sorry, we were just, well ya know, spying I guess. You guys are so cute, so perfect, it was hard not to." Brittany answered for the whole group, which seemed like the best answer any of them would have given. "It's okay, just didn't know I had a gathering behind me." Brian smiled, and resumed to feeding Justin. Justin laid back down, relaxing again. "Well, I guess we are going to head out. We can see you guys don't really need company right now. See ya tomorrow Brian." Kevin followed the others towards the door, instead of being the leader he was the follower for once. "Um, actually Kev, could you tell Fatima that I won't be in. Justin's got the flu. He's got a fever, and he probably has the stomach bug too." Brian wanted to say more, but could tell that Kevin didn't want hear it. "Bri, don't explain. I'm sure she will understand. Now get back to feeding him." Kevin smiled, walking out the door, towards his car and his friends. "Thanks Kev." Brian smiled, hearing the door close, he went back to his fiance. "Now you can have all my attention." "Ughhh," Justin was happy he and Brian were alone, but was pissed that it wasn't going to be romantic or special. He was sick, and he didn't want Brian to get sick. "Maybe you should go upstairs." "What? No way Just, I wanna be here with you." "I don't" "want you" "to get" "sick, too." Justin spoke his words in sections. Taking breaths as he was feeling a loss of power. "Don't worry about it, tomorrow I'll take you to the doctor, but tonight, I am the doctor." Brian smiled, proceeding to place the bowl of soup down. "Now I think you should get some sleep." "Um, uh," Justin couldn't object. He didn't know what to say, when Brian jumped over him for the second time that day, and resting down behind Justin. "Don't say anything babe, just sleep." And Justin did just that. Brian wrapped his arms around Justin. Sleep took him over, allowing Justin to get rest and Brian to think. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ DOCTOR'S OFFICE ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Well, you'll be glad to know that Justin has nothing tremendously wrong. He does however have mono. That would explain the fever, cold and even the stomach. Now, a quick question, is there any way Justin may have come in contact with it?" The doctor stood in front of Brian, as Justin was some how fast asleep. The doctor had only been gone for a good 10 minutes, but Justin had dozed into sleep in that time. "I don't know, he hasn't kissed any one with it, and we don't know any one with it. So I guess not." Brian answered the question, not really having an answer to. "Alright, then I'm sure he just got it, maybe from stress, or a lot of running around. The point is, he's going to have to rest for a week. I advise that he doesn't kiss any one, or share his drinks or food with any one. He will start to complain of being tired, and he will most likely lose his voice for a few days. Just make sure he gets a lot of fluids, and that he has a notepad to write stuff down on." The doctor smiled, looking at Brian who he could obviously tell was a little concerned. "Don't worry, I'm sure he will be just fine. Thanks for stopping by, and the nurse will give you a prescription. Like I said, it should last for a week or two, and then it will be over." The doctor turned and walked away, leaving Justin and Brian alone. "Babe, time to go." Justin looked up in anger, annoyed that he had been woke up. "Justin, it's time to go home." "What about the doctor?" Justin rubbed his eyes, trying to wake himself up quickly. "He already came in." "What he say?" "You have mono." "Oh" Justin had had mono before. He remembered as a child how much it took out of you. He realized that it took more out of him then his first orgasm. Something that had taken a lot out of him, would look small when it came to mono. He knew he would be tired often, and wouldn't be able to kiss Brian. "Don't worry Just, they've got a prescription for you. You'll lose it in about a week or two." Brian knew it probably wouldn't lighten Justin's mood. "Yeah, bu." Justin tried to clear his throat but it burned to do so. "but, I won't be able to kiss you." Justin's voice trailed to silence at the end. Not because of sadness, or meekness, but because he was losing it. "Justin, don't talk any more. You are going to lose your voice, you might as well save it for as long as you can." Brian grabbed the prescription from the nurse, and led Justin to the car. "I'm sure it won't last long, we'll pick up the medicine, and everything will be good." The car pulled into the pharmacy. Brian shut his door, leaving Justin in the car alone. Justin didn't want to have mono, the thought sleeping constantly meant not seeing Brian. Something he didn't want to think of. He couldn't go to the rehearsals, couldn't go out with every one. He would have to stay home, and sleep. Brian was out of the store with in minutes, starting the car up and heading towards home. "Home, sweet home babe." Justin acknowledged the arrival with a shake, and opened his car door. Entering the house, Brian followed with the pills he had purchased at the pharmacy. "Why don't you get some sleep, I'm gonna call the guys and tell them that rehearsal is going to have to be cancelled until further notice." Justin was shocked. He didn't think Brian would stay home with him every day. After all it was just mono, something he could take care of by himself. And not to mention, what would Brian do? He couldn't talk to Justin, because soon enough Justin wouldn't have a voice to talk with. Brian turned to see Justin's shocked face, and knew what he was thinking. "I know, I know, I don't have to stay. But I want to. Now get some sleep." Brian ushered Justin into the living room. Justin did as he was told, slipping under the covers that had never been removed. Sleep hit him fast. Brian walked in and seeing him sleeping, walked back to the kitchen to make his phone calls. "Kev?" "Yeah, hey cuz. How's Justin?" "Um, he's got mono. Just got back from the doctors now, he's asleep." "Oh, alright." "That's why I called. I think the rehearsals for me should be called off. I wanna stay home with him." "Brian, you don't have to stay with him. It's just a little sore throat, he's gonna sleep most of the time any ways." "I know Kevin, but I want to be here for him, if he needs me. I would want him to if I were sick." "Yeah, but that's the thing, how many times have we been through this. We get on tour, or start rehearsing, and then we end up having to take months out or weeks off, because you have to stay with him. He's a big kid Bri, he can handle himself." "Kevin, I can't believe you. I had to stay with him when he broke his leg. I didn't have a choice there. And it isn't going to posponent are return to tour. We are still going to head back in September." "With how much practice Bri? You missed yesterday, and now you want the rest of our time off." "I can't help it Kev, I was hoping you would help me out here. Now that you got Howie. You have to know what it's like to feel for your lover." "Oh, that's low, try and throw it into my face that its all about lovers. Howie wouldn't need me every second if he had the flu. And Justin doesn't need you." "We aren't getting any where with this. I've gotta call Fatima, and the others." "It isn't happening Brian, if I have to, I will talk to Justin about it. I know he doesn't need you 24/7." "He doesn't, he wants me to be there. It isn't about need, it's about love, and the want that comes with it Kev. It's about being there, and helping out, even if it isn't really necessary." "Give me a break, I know love, and I know this is something different. This is dependency. Your like his fucking everything. You take care of him, you make love to him, you talk to him. Your like a mother, lover, and shrink all in one." "And I shouldn't be." Brian was becoming angered with Kevin's frustration in the situation. "No, you shouldn't. You should be his lover, and that's it. And especially not his mother. He's already got one fuck up, he doesn't need another." Kevin words were meant out of anger, not real hate. He knew he shouldn't have said them, but he let them out anyways. "Ya know what Kev, fuck you." And the conversation ended, Brian slammed his phone down, and on the other line, Kevin did the same. Brian so wanted to talk to Justin about it, but he knew Justin couldn't say anything back. "Time to call Fatima." Brian said it allowed, as if he was talking to some one. "Is Fatima there?" "Yes, this is her." "Fatima, it's Brian." "Oh hey Brian, sorry to hear about Justin being sick. But I'm sure he will be fine and able to make it to tomorrows practice." "That's why I'm calling. Justin has mono, and I think I'm gonna need to take the next few weeks out. But it won't be a damper on the tour, because I can learn the moves at home from Kevin or some one." "Brian, you know that won't do. I need you on stage, not in a living room. I'm sure he'll be fine." "I know, but I just wanna be there, I can't call any one to come over and stay with him. I mean, Brittany and Christina have practice with us." "What about his family?" "Don't even ask." "Oh, what about your mother?" "I never thought about that, but she had to fly out here." "I'm sure she would love to do it Brian. Give her a call and then call me back." "Alright, bye." "Bye." Brian hung up the phone, thankful that Fatima had thought about that. He wanted to stay with Justin, but Fatima was strict, and he knew he would get in trouble with management if he fought with her. His mother would love to do it, if she could get out here. "Mom, it's Bri." "Hi honey. How are you?" "I'm good." "And Justin?" "Not so good." "What do you mean?" "He has mono mom." "Oh, is that all. You got me scared out of my mind. I thought he was dying or something. I'm sure it will be nothing in a week or so. Mono quickly passes." "I know, but I kinda wanted to stay home with Justin, ya know, just to be there with him." "Then what's holding you back?" "Well, I have rehearsals for the tour, and I can't get out of them. So I was hoping, you could, well come out." "Brian, of course I will. I will get a flight out as soon as possible." "Thanks mom, I love you." "I love you to Brian, but one quick question. Does he still have his voice?" "Kinda, it's going though." "Well, could you put him own, just to say hello." "I guess, hang on." Brian set the phone down, and ran to get Justin. He walked in and noticed that Justin was sweating pretty bad. He walked over to his side, and wiped the sweat away. "Babe, I'm sorry." He didn't even try to wake him, but instead walked away towards the phone. "Mom, um, he's kinda sleeping. I don't want to wake him." "That's alright, just tell him I love him, and I will see him soon." "I will mom, and I'm sure he loves you too." "Your sure, you better be positive." Jackie joked, recieving the laughter from her son she was hoping for. "I'll see you in a few hours or so." "I love you mom." "Love you too honey." "Bye." Brian hung up the phone. Smiling. He was happy his mother would be home soon. She would be able to care for Justin, while he was out. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ AIRPORT - MORNING ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Brian had woken to the phone ringing in the morning. He had slept in the bed, while Justin had slept downstairs on the couch all night. He wanted to wake Justin and tell him where he was going, but didn't want to annoy him. His mother was the one who had called, and he was heading to pick her up. Looking around, he could pick out his mother's figure, and ran to her. "Mom." He grabbed her in a hug, and picked her up. "Brian, put me down. We aren't going to get back to Justin, if you don't knock this stuff off." Brian did as he was told, setting his mother down on the ground. He grabbed her bags, and led her to the car. "I hope he didn't wake up while I left." Brian started to talk to himself as he loaded the car up with the bags. Turning he saw his mother, with hope in her eyes. "Mom, if he woke up when I was gone, he's going to be mad at me. I can't go to work today if he's mad at me." "Brian, don't worry about it. I'm sure he is still asleep. That's what mono does to you, it takes you out, and your out for hours. Now you can take me home and go straight to the studio, I can handle Justin." Brian did as he was told. He drove his mother back to the house, and was off. Jackie opened the door and poked her head in. It had been a while since she had seen or heard from Justin. He was never available when she would call. "Justin?" She called out walking through the halls, stopping in the living room to catch Justin, sleepily watching tv. He was curled up with his blanket. Holding a cup of tea. He looked up, and was in shock of Jackie bein there." "Hi." Justin's voice was very hard to understand. It was raspy and scratchy. Not to mention how soft and low it had become. "Hi Justin, I guess Brian didn't tell you I was coming?" Justin shook his head no. "And I'm sure you thought he just left you to be alone today?" Justin shook his head yes, sad that he had been thinking it. "Well, he didn't. He picked me up, and I will be here for the next few weeks. He couldn't get out of work from Fatima, so here I am." "Tha...." Justin was cut off, by Jackie's hand. She raised it, signaling for him to stop talking. "Don't even talk Justin, get some more rest." Justin did as he was told, continuing to drink his tea, and watching tv. Jackie took a seat on one of the chairs, and smiled. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ STUDIO ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Hey Bri." Kevin called out seeing his cousin walk through the doors. He could tell that he wasn't very happy, and took that as a decision to cheer him up. "Ready for rehearsal?" "Sure, the sooner we're done the better." Brian answered the question with the sadness he was exhibiting with his facial features, walk and over all attitude towards the day ahead. "I'm sure Justin will be fine, he has your mom. And she knows how to work miracles with people when they feel down." Kevin smiled, realizing that she would be one of the people he knew he could trust about his sexuality. He was yet to come out to any one, except the group of friends he was always with. "Yeah, I know. I just wish I could be there. So, how are you and Howie?" "Great. He slept at the place again." Kevin smiled, taking a sip of coffee. "Oh, I wish I could sleep with Justin." Kevin thought that a topic of happiness would have helped Brian, but it only made Brian think about Justin. "You still can. Just don't kiss him." After saying it, Kevin knew it wouldn't help. Saying don't kiss him, was something Brian had thought over and over in his head, and it was something he didn't want to think about any more. "Thanks a lot cuz. You sure now how to brighten some ones day." Brian turned and walked away, heading towards the dressing room. Kevin started to follow, but stopped. He knew he couldn't do anything to help. "Whoa, hey Brian. Didn't expect to see you here today." Howie was in the dressing room. He was wearing only his boxers, and had begun to dress into a costume for the first rehearsal. "Well, here I am." Brian was rude, his words were blunt, and he took a seat on the couch. "Sorry, what's got you all pissed?" "Just your loveable boyfriend is all." Brian knew he shouldn't say that to Howie, after all they were dating, it could have easily gotten back to him. "Oh, is that all. He can be a jackass sometimes. Grab a shower, and I'm sure when you get out you'll be cooled off." Brian smiled, a shower was a good idea. Stripping he walked into the bathroom. Howie couldn't help but stare at Brian's body. It was great, the thoughts he was having were wrong, and especially since it was his boyfriend's cousin. "Oh.... Justin...." Brian was stroking his dick in the shower. He hadn't been relieved in days, and now that Justin was sick it would be weeks. He stroked away, oblivious to the obvious. "Mind if I take care of that?" Howie was standing buck naked in the shower, right next to Brian. Brian looked at him in shock, but Howie capitilized. Immiditiately dropping to his knees taking Brian's cock into his mouth. Brian pushed him back. "What the hell do you think your doing?" "I'm just trying to help you out. We don't have to tell Justin or Kevin. It can be our little secret." Howie went back to sucking. Before Brian could push him back again, he had came. It didn't take much, after all he had just been stroking and was close to an orgasm then. "Ohhhhhh." Brian let out a moan, as Howie sucked him dry. Howie stood, and smiled. "See, I told you I was just helping. I wouldn't mind doing this a little more often." Howie started to walk out of the shower but was stopped by Brian's stronger arms. "I can't believe you Howie. I'm fucking engaged to Justin, and I didn't do this willingly. I was almost on the verge before, I didn't have enough time to push you off. If you so much as say one fucking word to any one. I swear, I swear." Brian didn't know what he was swearing to do. He fell to the floor, tears streaming from his eyes. Howie walked away with a smirk on his face. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ **Brian is cheating!!! No not really, but what is going to happen? Howie just gave Brian head. Will Brian tell Justin, will he tell Kevin, will he have a choice? Why did Howie do that? What will Howie do now? Will he dump Kevin? Will he keep it a secret? Will he have a choice in the matter?** **Chapter 16 won't be out until at least next Thursday or so. I have a vacation with some friends to go to. But I'm sure the longer you wait to read, the longer I will have to think about what to do.** **If you have any ideas on what should happen, send them my way. Should Justin and Brian break up? Should Kevin and Howie break up? I will leave it up to you.**