Date: Thu, 15 May 2003 07:59:58 -0400
From: rye encoke <rye_encoke@hotmail.com>
Subject: Mark-and-Rye-14
Okay the usual stuff that nobody reads. This is a gay story with
lots of gay sex. If you aren't supposed to be here, leave. The
work is mine and unless you ask you can't post it anywhere else.
I have no clue if any member of Westlife is gay, so this is all
my fantasy. Email me at rye_encoke@hotmail.com to tell me what
you like or hate.
The author wishes to acknowledge and thank the archivist for
Nifty for allowing this story to be published here.
Authors Notes: Congratulations to all the winners in Boyband
Awards. I understand some changes are going to be made to the
way voting is done and categories. I really encourage all
readers and writers to participate in these awards. It's nice
to be recognized.
Okay I got another email asking me about all the crying and
basically complaining about it. The guys do cry a lot, but not
over silly stuff like burnt toast or their favourite program
was cancelled. They are dealing with discovering their own
sexuality and finding love and some life altering truths. So
if you don't like that my story has them always breaking down
then definitely stop reading right now. Cuz it happens a lot
over the next few chapters and I don't plan on stopping it.
I like that they cry a lot, as do many of my other readers.
If you want to read a story where every chapter someone is
breaking up, or getting shot at, or being stalked, then go
somewhere else. These guys love each other, they aren't going
to break up, nobody dies and nobody cheats. There's my rant.
DEDICATION: To my boy David, love ya lots.
- Nicky -
The alarm woke Rye and Mark. They lay looking into each other's
eyes for a long time, just basking in their love.
"Love you fella."
"Love you my angel."
Eventually they heard a soft knock on their door.
"Come in," Rye called.
The door opened and Nicky stuck his head in.
"Morning guys, I ummm....I just wanted to say hi....nobody else is
up yet.....ummmm...well I guess I will see ya downstairs...."
Nicky's voice trailed off.
Mark smiled, "Nicky love, would you like to come in and snuggle
with us until we get up."
Nicky's face went red, but he nodded and came in, dressed only in
his boxers.
"I'm sorry guys, I was just feeling kinda lonely," Nicky said as
he slipped in beside Mark.
"Don't apologize love, you are always welcome in here with us."
Rye gently pulled Nicky across Mark so that he was laying in
between the two of them instead of on the edge next to Mark. Both
Rye and Mark placed their arms across Nicky and held him, Rye
stroking his hair and Mark rubbing his hand across Nicky's chest.
"My heart tells me I am welcome, but it's my head that refuses to
believe sometimes that this is all real. You guys gonna wake up
or go back to sleep?" Nicky asked.
"Let's all snuggle and fall back to sleep," Mark said as he rolled
Nicky to his side to be embraced by Rye in that familiar way that
all of the boys had now experienced. Mark pulled himself in close
behind.
"Ummm....you guys are naked," Nicky stated.
"Yeah, do you want us to get dressed or do you wanna get
undressed?" Rye asked.
"I will get undressed. I just want you to know I am not here for
sex though, I just wanted someone to hold onto," Nicky said
anxiously, not wanting his intentions to be misinterpreted.
"We know that love, and even if it was for some luvin' we could
get into that as well. Let's just cuddle for now though," Mark
whispered as he helped Nicky remove his boxers.
When everyone was settled and holding onto each other tightly Rye
gently and tenderly kissed Nicky's lips. "Love you love."
"Love you too angel, love you fella."
"Love you both."
Soon all three men were sleeping peacefully, lost in the warmth of
each other's love.
- Jill and Kian -
An alarm ringing somewhere in the house wakened both Jill and Kian
at the same time.
"Morning beauty?" Kian smiled as he pulled Jill to him.
"Morning, all wore out?" Jill smiled back.
"A little, but you were right, it was amazing."
"I'm so glad, you are gonna do it again aren't you?" Jill asked.
"Yes. But for now how about I show you what I learned," Kian said
sexily.
"You learned stuff you can show me?" Jill raised an eyebrow.
"Oh yeah." Kian moved on to Jill and kissed her.
Her giggles were soon replaced by moans.
- Bry boy and Boyo -
"Who the hell would set an alarm on vacation?" Bryan moaned as he
reached out to stroke Shane's hair.
"My guess is Rye, probably force of habit. But now that we are
up." Shane pushed his erection into Bryan's thigh.
"Mmmmm....that's a much better way to wake up," Bryan laughed as
he turned Shane's head so he could kiss his mouth.
"Bry boy?" Shane asked.
"Yeah?"
"How do you feel about what Rye and Mark were talking about last
night. That Mark won't be you know, doing it, with us?" Shane
asked.
"It's okay I guess. To tell you the truth I was disappointed. I
was sort of looking forward to being with them both that way. But
if it was weirding Mark out I am glad we won't be doing it. They
are so kind and patient with us I would never want him to do it
cuz he felt like he had to," Bryan said, the disappointment quite
evident in his voice.
"Yeah."
"Are you nervous?" Bryan asked.
"Oh yeah, big time. I am glad it is gonna be them for my first
time." Shane said, then sat up with a look of fear on his face,
"Oh Bry I didn't mean it like that....."
"I know that my love," Bry pulled Shane's head back down to lay
on his chest, "actually I agree with you. I want the first time
for us to be special and I don't want to have to worry about
scaring you or hurting you. They are going to teach us both."
Bryan felt something wet on his chest and he gently moved Shane's
head so he could see his face.
"Why are you crying boyo. Did I do something wrong." Bryan was
about ready to cry as well, thinking he had somehow hurt Shane.
That was the thing that endeared Bryan to everyone, his emotions
were just below the surface and so easily brought out. That and
that he would hug you or ask to be hugged for no reason at all,
he just loved to be touching someone.
"No, it's nothing like that but......"
"But what, please tell me so I can make it better," Bryan begged.
"What if I can't do it, what if the fear comes back and we can't
be together that way?" Shane was sobbing uncontrollably now.
"That won't matter to me at all. I want you no matter what. It's
just one thing. And we give each other pleasure so many other ways.
I would never stop loving you if you can't be with me that way."
Bryan hugged Shane tightly.
Shane sobbed into Bryan until he calmed down. "I know you want to
do it, so if I can't because....because I'm scared, then you can
still do it with them whenever you want. It would be okay because
it's Rye and Mark, I wouldn't mind at all really."
"I know that. But I don't even know if I like it yet. But if I
do like it and you can't do it, then we will have to talk about
it. I think if we are going to be together then stuff like that
we should discuss. So *if* I like the anal stuff, and *if* you
don't or can't, then *maybe* Rye and I can do it with you and
Mark being sorta like helpers like they did with Nicky," Bryan
said.
"Thank you my boy, but let's wait and see, I still don't know how
I will react," Shane replied feeling very loved at the moment.
After a few minutes Shane's breathing started to even out.
"Shane?" Bryan asked.
"Mmm?"
"Can I ask you something, and sorta confess something?" Bryan
asked.
Shane became a little nervous as he became wide awake at the words.
"Yeah." Shane whispered.
"How do you feel towards Nicky?" Bryan asked.
"I love him of course."
"Yeah I know but..." Bryan stopped, afraid to continue.
"It's okay my boy, say it." Shane encouraged, he felt he knew
what was coming anyway and was not worried.
"Please don't be mad, but I sorta love Nicky too, I mean like a
boyfriend. I still love you. I mean all my dreams came true
when you said you would be my boyfriend but well I feel the same
about Nicky and I was wondering if...."
Shane finished Bryan's thought for him, "we could be a threesome,
like permanently, all three of us?"
"Yeah. You don't think I am sick do ya. It's just that for so
long I couldn't have either of you and now I have you and Nicky
seems to be really into this too and I thought maybe we could all
be together as boyfriends."
"I think that would be great Bryan. I have a confession too. I
felt the same way when I heard Nicky talking about his night with
the lovers. You are so brave, I would never have had the courage
to ask you to allow someone else in," Shane confessed.
"Thanks Shane. There is something we have to think about before
we ask him though," Bryan said firmly.
"What's that?"
"Well, with the lovers we are sort of sharing but not really a
part of their relationship. With us three it would have to be
different. We would all have to be equal. I mean we would
probably all share the same bed but if you and Nicky wanted to
be together I would have to be okay with it. It can't just be
sharing it has to be equal," Bryan explained.
Shane thought about it. "You're right. We would need rules for
sure. Honestly though Bryan I don't think I would be comfortable
with just two of us together when the third wasn't. It could too
easily lead to one person being left out. I think I could only
do this if we all promised to be together always. I am too
unsure of myself to do it any other way. I'm sorry." Shane was
sobbing quietly as he finished.
Bryan held him closely. "Oh Shane I am so happy you said that. I
was afraid you would want to do it without me there. I only said
that so that you would be comfortable. That's the rules then, just
like the lovers, all three of us together or not at all."
"What if he doesn't want to be part of that though, could we still
share with him every now and then, more than what we do now I mean.
Would that be okay?" Shane asked.
Bryan thought about it. "You mean like when we are with the
lovers, the sucking and anal stuff?"
"Yeah. If he decides that he isn't comfortable with being like a
third boyfriend but still would be interested in sharing like that
every now and then would it be okay?" Shane asked.
"How do you feel about it?" Bryan asked, inside he knew he would
be fine with it but wanted Shane to answer first so he could judge
how he would answer.
"I think it would be okay. It would be no different than the
lovers. Our love is nothing like theirs, I mean they are like one
soul, but we both love each other very strongly and we both love
Nicky too. I think we could handle it. As long as we were
completely honest with each other always and talked about it if it
ever became uncomfortable or a problem," Shane explained his
thoughts.
"I agree. When should we talk to Nicky?" Bryan asked happily.
"Let's wait for the right time. If we just blurt it out it may
freak him out. A time will come up when it will be right. We may
not be together when that time comes so one of us may have to
explain it alone. Let's talk some more tomorrow to figure out
everything, make sure we have covered all the bases. I want to
go back to sleep now okay Bry boy?" Shane said sleepily.
"Of course my beautiful boyo." Bryan kissed Shane's head.
The two men cuddled close and kissed each other for a few minutes
before settling back in and falling asleep, thoughts of sex gone
and just enjoying the closeness of each other.
- Gimme Some Luvin' -
The three men woke together a few hours later. Everyone smiled
and kissed each other while still holding onto each other.
"I wish I could wake up with you guys every morning," Nicky
smiled as he snuggled into the two men he was with.
"You more or less can love. If you aren't with us the night
before then just pop in like you did this morning." Rye smiled as
his hands traced up and down Nicky's chest and belly, obviously
ready now for more than snuggling.
"That's not really fair to you, you guys must want some time
alone, and you don't need a third person in here to mess things
up," Nicky said, the need and desire evident in his voice even
though he tried to hide it.
"We probably will, but we can arrange that when we need to. We
like having you with us, and don't ever say again that you being
in here with us will mess things up okay love. You are special to
both of us and we want you to be here." Mark's words were not
said angrily but forcefully to ensure Nicky truly believed. Then
Mark smiled. "So you ready for some luvin' now Nicky love?"
"Really?" Nicky could not hide the excitement in his voice or
between his legs.
"Of course, wanta try something new we learned last night from
Kian?" Mark asked.
"Okay," Nicky said.
Rye gently lifted Nicky's leg and placed his own hard cock between
Nicky's legs.
"You okay with this Nicky?" he asked as he lowered Nicky's leg to
encompass his erection.
"Yeah, that feels nice," Nicky's voice was thick with desire.
"Now we aren't lubed up so I will only be moving a bit, but that's
enough. I am gonna cum between your legs okay?" Rye asked.
Nicky nodded, his eyes bright.
Mark began to kiss Nicky's shoulder blades and neck as Rye began
to gently move his cock, rubbing it between Nicky's thighs.
Since Rye was getting the most stimulation he was the one who shot
off first. Nicky closed his eyes and moaned as he felt the hot
cum splash inside his thighs.
Gently Rye withdrew from between Nicky's legs and pressed his wet
cock tight against Nicky's. From behind Mark positioned his own
erection and pushed into the now well lubed thighs. Nicky's eyes
shot open.
"Stop," Rye said.
Immediately Mark pulled back, "I'm sorry Nicky."
"No it's okay, please don't stop, it just surprised me was all.
It felt so good with Rye, please Mark," Nicky almost begged.
"I'm sorry fella, I thought we had gone too far for Nicky love but
we just surprised him was all, my fault," Rye said to Mark.
"No worries my angel." Mark smiled at his lover and once again
pushed his cock in between Nicky's thighs. He began to move in
and out with a gentle rhythm causing Nicky to moan.
Nicky felt like electricity was pulsing through his body, he was
so excited. He could feel Mark tense up and he felt the hot cum
shoot between his legs and cover his balls. He could hold it no
longer and released himself onto Rye.
The three men lay there for a bit to catch their breath.
"That was amazing. Kian taught you that?" Nicky asked.
"I think he sort of thought it up on the spur of the moment but it
was definitely hot," Mark said.
"No shit, is that what made him scream at like 1 this morning?"
Nicky asked.
"No actually it was something we had done to you the other night
that made him scream. Remember how we made you cum without
touching your cock. Well after we made Kian cum three times last
night we told him we were going to do it one more time. It took
more than an hour but that last time he came more than he had the
other three times combined. That was what made him scream." Rye
chuckled.
"An hour? My god that must have been amazing," Nicky smiled.
"We can try it again with you if you want. In fact if you are
going to be with us in the mornings we can try it tomorrow," Mark
suggested.
"You guys really don't mind me here do you? You keep saying it
but it's just so hard to believe. Listen guys, after you have
taught Bry boy and Shane, I think I wanta try the other thing."
Nicky said.
"You sure love?" Mark asked.
"Yeah, I just wanta see what it's like, and I can say stop any
time. Plus I know that you guys would never let me do it if I was
even a little uncomfortable and I trust you both completely. So
yeah, I wanta do it."
"Okay Nicky love, tonight we are teaching Bryan, so tomorrow
morning when you join us we can try it then," Rye suggested.
"Sounds good. Now as amazing as feeling you two cum on me like
that was, I am now cold and clammy and sticky. Can we hit the
shower?" Nicky giggled.
They laughed together as Mark grabbed some tissue and got most of
the cum from between Nicky's legs so that he didn't leave a trail
behind him as they walked to the shower. The three men laughed
and kissed as they took turns washing each other and then drying
each other.
- The Beginning of an Emotional Day -
Nicky left the lovers in the bathroom to get ready for the day.
He walked to the kitchen to find Bry, Shane and Kian already
there.
"Well someone is up late," Kian smiled as he handed a glass of
orange juice to Nicky.
"Actually I was up really early, but I was lonely so after I heard
Rye's alarm go off I went and joined them," Nicky said softly.
"Geez I thought I was the horny one," Bryan laughed.
Shane elbowed Bryan but Nicky got a sad expression on his face.
"I wasn't horny, I mean we did share this morning but that was
later." Nicky's voice cracked but he went on. "It's just that
Mark has Rye, and you and Shane are together, and Kian has Jill,
and I have nobody and sometimes I get lonely and need for someone
to hold me and love me." A tear fell off of Nicky's cheek.
Bryan, always the first to express emotion, was up in an instant
pulling Nicky into a bone crushing hug. "Oh Nicky love I'm sorry,
I should have been more careful, after all the lovers have done
for me I should have been more conscious of your feelings. It's
a bad way to repay them. And I should have known better. I used
to feel like that all the time too. On tour I spent almost every
night with someone, mostly for the same reasons, I just wanted to
be held.
"I know you did Bry boy. I used to love when you would climb in
with me. But now it's going to be so different. You have Shane
and you two will be together so you won't come and be with me.
And Kian and Mark have people to be with so we can't be together
anymore." A dry sob shook Nicky.
Shane reached out and took Nicky's hand. "Nicky love, the lovers
have taught us all some things about love. One of those things is
that there is always room to share, especially between us all.
Nothing will change on tour. It's true that Bryan and I are
together but that doesn't mean you can't come and be with us so
that we can both hold you. I still want to be able to hold all
my brothers."
"Really?" Nicky asked, his eyes showing he wanted so much to
believe the words.
"Of course, you should realize that better than anyone else Nicky
love. What did the lovers teach you about love?" Kian asked.
"That it was about trust and friendship." Nicky stated then
realized what he had said. The lovers had taken time to teach the
thing about love that each person needed to know most, and for
Nicky it had been that friendship is the purest form of love and
could overcome any obstacle and never really ended.
"That's right Nicky. It is about friendship and we are all the
best of friends. You think because I am with Jill that I am going
to stop loving you? That's not how it works. And besides that,
it's true that here we all seem to have someone except you, but on
tour Jill and Rye are not going to be with us. I think that Mark
and I are going to be needing your strength and friendship to help
us get through it all," Kian said.
"He's right Nicky. Especially about Mark. Think about what those
three weeks is going to do to him. I was thinking just yesterday
how I am gonna feel about leaving Rye and just broke down and
started to cry, I can't begin to imagine how it will affect Mark,"
Shane said.
"God you're right. How could I be so selfish thinking about
myself when Mark and Kian are gonna be so upset?" Nicky said.
"Stop it Nicky," Shane said sternly. Everyone looked at Shane
in surprise.
"Shane?" Bryan asked.
"Just because you were thinking about yourself does not mean you
were being selfish, there is a difference. I know when the time
comes you will be there for Mark, as much or more than the rest of
us, that's just the way you are. But the lovers taught me that
sometimes love can be about yourself, about your pleasure and your
needs. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be held and loved.
I spent most of my life feeling dirty and ashamed and unworthy of
being loved. They fixed me and showed me it is alright to have
desires and it doesn't make you a bad person. It only becomes
selfish when you are unwilling to care or love someone back, and
that is just not something you could ever do, that's not the type
of person you are, you wouldn't be our friend if you were," Shane
said it strongly.
Nicky threw himself around Shane. "I love you Shane."
"We all love each other Nicky, that's what being brothers is
about." Shane smiled as he stroked Nicky's back and hair, a tear
fell as his eyes found Bryan's and he saw Bryan nod to him.
"We are going to have to really look after Mark on tour guys,"
Kian stated.
"And you too," Bryan said.
"A bit maybe but it's not going to be the same as with Mark. Jill
and I are falling in love, but Mark and Rye are so in love with
each other. I think they were meant to be together since before
they were born, like soulmates, just fated to be together. The
love between Rye and Mark goes so far beyond what we have, or
anything I have ever seen before it's almost frightening. I don't
think the other could survive if one were to leave or something
happen to them. I mean their love is like...." Kian stopped
unable to come up with any words he just threw his hands wide to
encompass everything.
"Kian is right, he will be upset but it's not going to be like
what Mark is going to experience," Shane nodded.
Nicky took his orange juice glass and raised it, the others also
raised their glasses and waited for him to speak, "To our brother
Mark, I swear to watch over and care for him so that no harm comes
to him and to make the time away from his true love go by as
quickly and painlessly as possible, and to finally bring him
safely back to the arms of his true love."
The others nodded and clinked glasses, "To Mark," they all said.
"That was beautiful guys, you put a lot of my fears to rest," Rye
said as he entered the kitchen.
"Rye we were just..." Bryan seemed to be embarrassed.
"Pledging to look after my love when I can't be there to do it
myself. I know. I heard your entire conversation, I was only a
few seconds behind Nicky." Rye looked a little embarrassed. "I
didn't really mean to eavesdrop but you guys were just so
beautiful together, looking after each other and comforting each
other. I am so blessed to have you all in my life."
The guys just looked at Rye in shock.
"*You're* blessed to have *us*?" Shane said incredulously.
"It's us who are are blessed to have you," Kian said shaking his
head.
Rye was about to respond when Mark came in behind and put his arms
around Rye's waist.
"We are all blessed to have each other then," Rye smiled.
Everyone smiled and Mark started to prepare breakfast for them all.
"Where's Jill?" Mark asked as he got eggs from the fridge.
"She is going to be sleeping late I think," Kian said with a grin
on his face.
"Ooooh, someone got lucky," Bryan teased.
Jill smacked Bryan on the back of the head lightly as she entered.
"Yes she did thank you very much smutboy." She then leaned down
and kissed him soundly on the lips.
"Eeew, girl cooties," Bryan laughed as he wiped his mouth off.
Everyone laughed at his joking.
Jill looked at Rye and Mark with mock anger, "What did you two do
to my boy last night?"
"What?" Rye looked confused, he knew there was no real anger but
he also didn't know what Jill was talking about.
"Well not to freak all you non-hetero's out but after he came back
from you two last night we had sex for several hours, during which
he didn't cum once. I thought I told you not to break him," Jill
said. She was not really upset but she was a little confused at
Kian's actions.
"Ah," Both Mark and Rye said.
"Well?" she asked.
It was Kian who answered. "They showed me that sometimes love can
be about foregoing your own pleasure to give pleasure to your
lover. So that's what last night was about." Kian had come up
and placed his arms around Jill.
Jill melted at his touch and his words. "It was amazing Kian.
The whole time I could think of nothing but how much I knew you
loved me and how much I loved you."
"Then I learned it right. That's what I felt last night when I
was with them," Kian smiled.
Everyone smiled and the sound of bacon sizzling was the only sound
for a few moments.
"Guys can we all discuss something. It is kinda important and may
be a bit of a downer but I think we have to talk about it and now
is as good a time as any," Rye said.
"Rye no please," Mark said.
"It's okay Mark really, you know we have to do this," Rye said.
Mark nodded and turned back to the bacon. He knew what this was
going to be about and he did know that it had to be talked over.
Everyone took a seat and looked at Rye. "On the ride up here Mark
was talking about how hard the next 3 weeks are going to be for
him without me there. Then he said that after that we won't ever
have to be apart again because he is going to come out publicly."
Every one of the guys eyes widened at the news.
"I told him that even though it was his life, there were a lot of
other people to consider, his family, me, and especially you guys.
We both know you said you would stand beside him but I tried to
explain that forcing the issue could end up hurting everyone.
"So I, we, need you all to sit and discuss when and how our being
together will become public. Now I want no arguments on this part,
I am not going to be a part of those discussions.
Rye held up his hand immediately knowing that there were going to
be arguments, and there was. Everyone started to object. Rye
chuckled.
"I said no arguments. I will contribute this to the discussion
though. Personally I don't care if Mark ever comes out. I am
happy with our love and if we have to keep it from the world for
years that is fine, as long as we are together. And by that I
mean all of you not just Mark, I want us all to be together. But
it is important to him for us to be able to show our love in
public, especially so that we don't have to be apart when you are
all on tour, and that part I agree with.
"Secondly, I want you all to discuss this as Westlife, not as my
friends and not worrying what I may think. I have already told
you I am perfectly happy to continue the way we are. So that is
the reason I am not going to be in on the discussion. You may
have to say what you consider to be some pretty shitty things.
I am a businessman and I understand that sometimes business can
be shitty. I am leaving the discussion not because I don't want
to hear what you are going to say but because I want you to be
able to speak honestly without worrying about my feelings.
"Finally, I want you to take into consideration how it would hurt
me, hurt me so deeply," and here Rye put his hand over his heart,
"if anything were to come between you guys friendship or your
music. If you decide to go ahead and allow Mark to come out
publicly and one or all of you changed how you felt about him, or
your career suffered or you lost the joy of music, it would kill
me a little bit each day. Eventually it would hurt our friendship
and may end it, or it may hurt Mark and my relationship. That
can't happen and I would have to leave rather than let that it
happen. As much as it would kill me to lose any of you, it would
be so much worse if I was the cause of you losing each other or
your music, so I would have to leave.
Tears were running down Rye's face and everyone heard Mark sob
behind them.
"So Jill and I are going to go for a walk while you all talk okay.
I trust you that when you come to a decision, whatever it may be,
that you have thought it through and that you all agree to it. I
never want to have to worry that I have done something to harm
any of you in any way, and I will take you at your word that after
you have decided nothing will come between us because of it."
Rye got up and Jill put her arms around him instantly as they left
to walk the beach.
- Rye's Fears -
Jill placed her hand in Rye's as they walked the beach.
"You gonna be okay hon?" she asked quietly.
"I hope so," Rye said then started to sob.
"Oh baby it will be okay, I know it will." Jill held him tightly.
"Are you sure? We have only all been together for a short time.
What if they decide I'm not worth the effort? What if Mark
realizes he doesn't love me or it's just infatuation?" Rye asked,
letting his fears and dark thoughts take over.
"Honey you know none of that will happen. Can you really not see
how much you mean to all of them, especially Mark. I think that
if you were ever to leave them they would all spiral down into
such depression that none of them would recover. Mark would die,"
Jill stated.
Rye looked at her sharply.
"It's true, you said the same thing about yourself and let me tell
you that broke my heart."
"Jill I love you so much but Mark...."
Jill stopped him. "I know you love me, and it hurt a little bit at
first to think that suddenly Mark meant more to you than me or
that I was not enough to keep you here."
Rye's head fell.
"At first it hurt but then I realized that you two are part of
the same soul, neither of you could survive without that other
part. Though it would break my heart I would have understood, I
would have hated it and I don't think I would have lasted much
longer but I would have understood. I know you wouldn't have been
able to stay. And let me tell you that was no easy revelation for
me to make.
"Now as for what will happen in the future. None of those guys
up there want to do anything to hurt you."
"That's what I am afraid of," Rye confessed.
"No Rye, they know that just giving in and letting Mark do this
would hurt you as much as telling him no would hurt him. You made
it clear how much they could hurt you and that is gonna be
foremost in their minds. They have a hard decision to make, my
bet is the hardest decision of their lives and they will take
everything into account. When this is over they are going to be
united in their friendship and stronger than they ever have been
before. It is just gonna drive us nuts while they do it." Jill
laughed and placed her hand in Rye's hand and pulled him along the
beach.
- The Meaning of Love -
The guys watched from the living room windows as Jill and Rye left
They watched as Rye broke down and Jill comforted him and then set
off down the beach. Finally the five men went back to the kitchen.
"How can anyone be that strong?" Nicky asked to nobody in
particular, and nobody answered.
Shane turned to Mark as he set the last plate of food on the
table. "You ready to do this Mark?"
"No, but I guess we have to," Mark replied quietly.
"How are we going to start? I mean this is so big," Bryan asked.
"First let's just hold onto each other for a bit, make sure we
are all in a good place and share our love. I don't know about
anyone else but I need to feel your love before we start," Kian
said.
Everyone got up and got into a circle where they held onto each
other, then Nicky brought Mark into the centre of the circle so
that everyone was holding onto Mark. Mark began to cry softly.
The men stayed like that for several minutes.
"Some of the things we say or do may hurt you Mark, we don't want
to do that but we have to follow Rye's wishes and do this right.
Please know that we love you so much and that we love Rye too.
Please don't let what has to happen here affect our friendship."
Nicky said.
Mark kept his head down for a long time then raised it to meet the
eyes of his friends. "I won't. I will do this for me and Rye
and for you all. Nothing that is said or done here today will
hurt any of us and I will abide by our decision, I swear it to all
of you."
Shane had never been so proud of anyone in his life as he was with
Mark at this moment. Mark kept surprising Shane with his strength
and devotion to Rye and the rest of the guys.
Everyone was surprised when Bryan spoke, "Heavenly father please
be with us all in this our most trying time. Please clear our
hearts and minds and help us to come to the proper decision.
Please guide us and watch over us and let our love for each other
and for Rye strengthen us and bring us even closer. Please let
us be guided by our hearts but also by reason. Amen."
The others quickly responded and also said their 'Amens'.
"That was beautiful Bryan," Kian said.
"I figured if God saw fit to bring an angel into our lives then
he would help us here as well," Bryan shrugged.
Everyone sat down and nobody spoke for about 15 minutes. Nobody
seemed to know what to do or say. Finally Shane cleared his
throat.
"I guess I will start. I am just going to sort of talk about my
feelings. This is so big I don't know any other way to start.
Shane took a big breath and began.
"Okay I have thought several times in the last few days what would
happen if management found out or somehow someone else found out.
My reaction has always been to worry about it when it happens.
Not much of a plan but I was so happy I didn't want to think that
the happiness might end. Truthfully I don't think it will, the
happiness I mean. Now I don't want us to do worse case, but in my
head I have already done it. So worse case for Westlife is we go
public and lose all our fans. Do I really think that would happen?
No. I know that we would only lose a small fraction and we would
pick up a few new fans I think.
"But let's say that that worse case actually did happen and we
lost everything. Would that be a big deal? We all have money to
burn, and frankly I know that we could stay with Rye forever so
money doesn't really enter into it."
"That's sorta, I don't know, gold-diggerish." Kian said, making
up a word for lack of a real one.
"Not really. He is going to be giving us a place to stay or
something. I mean he told us he wants us to come back to live
with him. He didn't say we had to pay him anything. I mean
really, we would never want to do it but if we had to, Rye would
look after all of us," Shane answered.
"Shane is right. I can't tell you any more about his plans, but
I know that Rye will look after all of us forever and not even
think twice about it," Mark answered calmly. Everyone noticed
how calm Mark was, like he already knew the outcome.
"Now I am not proposing that we just let everything go to shit and
sponge off of Rye. I mean I know at the very least he would let
us be like house band or something although knowing Rye he would
probably buy us our own club or something. None of us wants it to
end that way, but really Rye is like a safety net for us and
despite what he said that is factoring into how I look at this."
Shane smiled then continued.
"Okay so lets continue with the worse case of us losing it all.
When it gets right down to it all we lose is money. We would
still have each other, we would still have Rye, we would still
have our music. So we lose nothing," Shane said.
"Except that it would kill Rye if that happened." Mark said and
Shane smiled. Mark was actually being the devil's advocate here,
making sure that nothing was done rashly.
"Exactly. Even though Rye said to discuss this as Westlife and as
a business we all know that sometimes personal life interferes. I
believe Rye when he says it would slowly eat away at us all.
Maybe not at first and we would all hate to admit it but sooner or
later resentment would creep in towards Mark and Rye." Shane held
up his hands as Nicky and Bryan started to protest.
"It's true. Bryan remember the morning after we found Mark. You
asked if it was all worth it, all the emotion and turmoil and why
not just pack up and leave?" Bryan's eyes went wide and he turned
to Mark.
"It's okay Bry boy," Mark said calmly and brought Bryan's hand to
his lips to kiss it gently.
"Yes it is okay. Because when you started to think about it you
realized you couldn't do it. You didn't want to hurt Mark and you
didn't want to hurt Rye either. Remember how determined you were
to make sure that nothing hurt either one of them. Well we have
to keep that determination now. Even making what we think is the
right decision could still hurt either one of them," Shane stated
emphatically.
"So we are damned if we do and damned if we don't. There is no
answer. If we say 'no don't come out' then we hurt Mark and
indirectly Rye. If we say 'sure go ahead' and all hell breaks
loose, we hurt ourselves and down the road maybe Mark and Rye.
How do we decide?" Nicky asked.
"Without knowing the future we can't know for sure what will
happen," Shane said, "But.."
Everyone waited patiently for him to continue and in a couple of
minutes he did.
"I have thought about this from the instant I found out Rye was
gay. Even before I knew that he and Mark were in love. I wanted
so badly for Mark to be with someone and I trusted Rye almost
instantly. It's funny how quickly we grew to love and trust him
isn't it." Shane got a faraway look for a couple of minutes then
came back to himself when he realized everyone was still watching
him and he blushed. "Sorry. So this is what I came up with. I
know I should have probably talked this over with you guys before
now but I could just never find the right time to bring it up. So
with all this time of thinking to myself I have pretty much come
up with a plan."
"Thank god," Kian said, "this was going to be so hard, but you
look after us so well Shane. I was hoping you already had it
figured out."
"Well I don't know if it's figured out but it is one solution."
Shane took a breath and began, "Okay our contract is set for
renewal at the end of this tour. I say we don't renew. We take
some time to get our strength back emotionally, maybe 5 or 6
months, and that gives Mark and Rye's relationship time to grow
as well so that when the media gets a hold of the story it's not
just a week long relationship but it's a strong relationship that
has been going on for some time. We know it's so much more than
that already but the media would have a field day. When Mark
comes out we have the control, we do it ourselves, on our
schedule. We throw our full support behind Mark. We will have
been working on getting songs together for a new album. When
we are ready we find a new label and new management, we go into
it holding all the cards. Our music is our own to control, our
lives are our own. If it doesn't work out that we gain back all
our old fans then so be it. I honestly don't believe we will
lose that many fans. But by doing it this way we can control
things like when and how our friends and families find out. I
know Rye said to have this meeting as Westlife but honestly I
can't do it that way. Westlife just doesn't matter to me in the
end. It's my friends and brothers that matter. So that's what
I came up with, I'm sorry if it didn't help. I don't know how
you all feel about losing Westlife but now at least you know how
I feel."
Nobody said anything for a long time, digesting all that Shane had
said. Finally it was Kian who spoke.
"I like it. It works for me. Mark gets to come out so he can
be who he really is and never have to leave Rye. We release
ourselves from our contracts so that there is no pressure from
them. We work together as friends to control our music. We have
time to talk to our friends and our families. When it is time to
start up again we go into it strong and united. I agree we will
lose some fans, it's bound to happen, but I also agree we will
gain some fans. People, and not just gay people, will appreciate
our commitment to our friends and our stand against bigotry. We
don't have to go marching in parades but by not abandoning Mark
we make a huge statement.
"I can't say that nobody will get hurt, none of us can, but it
sure cuts down on the chances. We said it once before that we
would all stand by Mark even if it meant the end of Westlife. I
still believe that, but doing it without thinking about it could
have had some serious consequences that may have caused some
resentment later. I don't like to think that any of us are like
that, but we are all only human. Look at how upset I was with
Rye over something so simple as his close friendship with Jill.
It took him almost yelling at me and threatening to take away
his friendship to make me realize what I was about to lose. No,
that won't happen this time. I want to do this just like Shane
laid out. More important than anything is my strong friendship
with you all and Rye and Jill. I will not lose that, and I will
try not to lose Westlife, but when it comes down to it I will
choose friendship over the band without hesitation.
The others all nodded. Bryan had a huge grin on his face and
Nicky was smiling happily. Mark still looked calm and peaceful
but was also smiling.
"So we have our decision then," Shane said and turned to look
directly into the eyes of Bryan.
"I agree," Bryan said.
Shane turned his eyes on Kian
"Me too," Kian smiled.
"Nicky?"
"It's brilliant, I agree."
Everyone turned to Mark. "I agree. Thank you all."
Shane had looked into the eyes of all his friends and saw that
nobody was hiding anything. Everyone had been truthful and
accepted this solution.
"Let's go tell Rye and Jill then," Bryan jumped up.
"Bry boy, maybe Mark wants to tell him himself," Nicky suggested.
"No, this is from all of us, we all get to tell him," Mark said
as he jumped up and put his arm around Bryan.
Together the group walked the beach to where Rye and Jill were
sitting a few hundred yards away.
- Lean On Me -
"We should have grabbed something to eat, they have been in there
a long time and I am getting hungry," Jill giggled.
Suddenly Rye tensed beside her and stood. She looked to see the
guys come out of the cabin.
"They have decided I guess," Rye said shakily.
"It's all good though."
"How can you tell?"
"Mark and Bryan are in the lead, smiling, with their arms around
each other," Jill smiled.
Rye relaxed. Jill was right. He could see them all smiling now.
They started walking towards the guys to meet them. When Mark saw
them coming he released Bryan and started to run to Rye who also
began to run. The two men met in a hug and kiss. They held
each other like that, just rocking back and forth until the rest
caught up.
"Well I guess you can tell it's all good news," Bryan giggled as
he hugged Rye tightly from behind.
"Yeah," Rye said emotionally.
"It's all good Rye, let's go back so we can tell you about it,"
Shane said.
"So you're not going to leave me?" Rye said softly but loud
enough for everyone to have heard.
Mark pulled back in shock. Shock showed on everyone's face.
"Rye that was never even considered, none of us will ever leave
you. How could you even think that?" Nicky asked.
"It's just that we have only been together for so short a time and
you all have know each other for years and I was just worried...."
Rye looked around at the hurt faces around him and then passed out
as his emotions finally overtook him. He briefly heard Shane and
Mark shout his name, before blackness took him.
Some time later Rye awoke on the couch in the cabin. He opened
his eyes to see everyone gathered around him with worried looks.
He started to say something but was stopped by Shane's fingertips
on his lips.
"Don't apologize angel. None of us realized what this was doing
to you," Shane said as he reached down to stroke Rye's chest.
"Just know that leaving you was never an option for us. It never
even occurred to us. It would kill us to leave you, believe that
okay?"
Rye nodded silently, scared to speak. Mark moved a bit and Rye
realized his head was in Mark's lap.
"It hurt a bit when you said that. I thought maybe you didn't
love me as much as I loved you, but I realized it was just what
was going on was taking it's toll on you. I don't hold it against
you or love you less, in fact I think I love you more. I didn't
realize how fragile you can be sometimes. So no apologies will be
offered by anybody. Understood?"
Rye nodded again, still afraid to speak. Mark leaned down and
kissed him tenderly.
"Remember our theme song," Kian grinned widely. Everyone smiled
and chuckled, then looked at Rye to start.
Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's
Always tomorrow
Lean on me
When you're not strong
I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
Please swallow your pride
If I have things
You need to borrow
For no one can fill
Those of your needs
That you won't let show
You just call on me brother
When you need a hand
We all need somebody
To lean on
I just might have a problem
That you'll understand
We all need somebody to lean on
Lean on me
When you're not strong
I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on
You just call on me brother
When you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem
That you'll understand
We all need somebody to lean on
If there is a load
You have to bare
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me
Call Me
If you need a friend
Once again nobody was embarrassed by the corniness of the moment
as they all sang the song that seemed to embody their feelings so
well.
- Chateau Rye -
Everyone was finishing up breakfast, although it was late enough
now that it could almost have been considered lunch. Everyone was
happy and smiling and any traces of the emotionally draining
morning were gone.
"So who wants to do what today?" Rye asked.
"Well, what all is there to do?" Bryan asked.
"Okay well, you saw the game room so you know whats there; pool,
darts, pinball, foosball, board games. There's the hot tub.
There are jet skis in the boathouse, and a boat with water skis.
There is a clearly marked trail around the lake, but that is like
a 8 hour hike so pack something to eat. There are some four-
wheelers in the garage. If you head back up the trail Ed will
let you ride the horses." Rye rhymed off the possible activities.
"What no para-sailing?" Bryan joked.
Rye looked embarrassed.
"No shit!" Bryan exclaimed then rolled his eyes.
"Umm yeah there are para-sails you can hook up to the boat. But
you need to get Ed to show you how to work them. I don't really
like para-sailing."
Everyone laughed.
"Kian do you know how to ride?" Jill asked.
"Yeah, but its been awhile. Wanta do that?" Kian asked
"Yeah we can pack a lunch and do the trail on horseback," Jill
said.
"I'd like to try the jet-skis, anyone wanta join me in that?"
Mark said.
"Yeah sounds good to me," Nicky said.
"How many jet skis are there?" Bryan asked hopefully.
"Four," Rye stated.
"Then I am there too," Bryan giggled.
"I was hoping for some snooker and then maybe just get some sun,"
Shane said.
"That sounds good for me boyo. We can shoot a few games then go
get a tan." Rye said. "Hey before you guys start let's get the
security set up."
Everyone looked at Rye who smiled.
"This is gonna be a little weird guys, but like I said Ed is a bit
of a security freak so it sorta has to be done."
Eveyone nodded.
"Emma?" Rye said.
"Yes Rye." The voice of the security system spoke immediately,
everyone except Jill jumped a bit.
"Verify Rye Encoke, authorization delta delta alpha."
"Authorization verified, how can I assist you Rye."
"This is too weird," Bryan murmured though his eyes sparkled,
secretly he felt like a spy.
"Open 5 new security profiles."
"Verifying request to open 5 new security profiles, is this
correct?"
"Yes."
"Very well, authorize first new profile."
"Authorize Mark, full access, authorization delta delta alpha."
"Thank you Rye. Mark?"
The security computer had spoken to Mark, but Mark didn't know
what to do.
"Mark?" the voice asked again.
"Yes?" answered Mark.
"Please repeat the following, 'My name is Mark, hello Emma'."
"My name is Mark, hello Emma."
"Capturing voice pattern. Welcome home Mark. Please identify."
Rye leaned over to Mark and whispered, Mark nodded.
"Verify Mark Feehily authorization delta delta alpha." Mark spoke.
"Authorization verified, pattern stored, thank you Mark enjoy your
stay. Authorize second new profile."
The rest of the guys followed suit and were all granted access.
Rye explained the various security procedures and phrases they
needed to know.
"Now this one is the most important and the one you hope you never
have to use. In case you are in any danger, you can lock down the
house. This is the phrase." Rye wrote it out on a piece of paper,
and watched as they all read it.
"Using this code locks down the house, notifies Ed and the local
authorities. Now the authorities are about 2 hours away but Ed is
ex marine and would be here in about 10 minutes, armed to the
teeth so this is never to be used unless it is needed," Rye
stressed.
"That is cool Rye. What exactly does locking down the house mean?"
Kian asked.
"I can show you. Emma?"
"Yes Rye?"
"Verify test."
"Understood Rye, this is a test and only a test."
Rye smiled and said the words he had written out, "Emma, emergency
response lock down."
The guys nearly shit themselves. The lights in the house went out,
steel shutters came down over all the windows and steel doors
slammed shut over the openings in the kitchen. They could hear
similar doors and shutters closing all over the house. Then red
lights came on in the kitchen and the house was silent.
"Fuck me!" Nicky said.
"The only way someone can get into the house is with a tank, same
with individual rooms. The computer keeps track of who is in each
room through voice patterns. Any room that contains a voice
pattern that is not recognized is filled with a gas that will
knock out anyone in the room in about 5 seconds," Rye said.
"Okay Rye this is a little too much for me, can we stop it now."
Bryan's daydreams of a secret agent were quickly vanishing and he
sounded scared.
"Sorry Bry boy. Emma, end test, return to ready."
"Thank you Rye, returning to ready."
The lights went back on and doors opened and windows brightened.
When it was over you could not even see where the security doors
hid between the walls.
"Okay guys, I guess we are all on our own for fun today. Just
sort of random munching for the day and another barbecue for
supper?" Rye asked.
Everyone nodded and began to disperse to get ready.
"Bry boy, Shane could we talk to you for a second?" Rye said.
Bryan and Shane came back in to sit with Mark and Rye.
"I thought I would sorta lay out how I thought we could continue
with things and see if it was okay," Rye said.
Everyone nodded.
"Okay I thought that tonight Bryan could join us to experience it
and tomorrow Shane could join us and then Saturday night you
could both join us," Rye said.
"Umm okay, but why spread it out so long?" Bryan asked.
"Well, that way there is no embarrassment between you two. You
get to learn at your own pace. And I think with Shane things
might be a little more difficult. So on the the third night you
have both had a chance to get comfortable with it all and will be
ready to share with each other. On that last night both Mark and
I will act only as helpers and guides. It will just be you two
together," Rye said.
Even though it was always Bryan who was eager to jump and hug
someone, this time it was Shane who jumped up to pull both Rye
and Mark into a hug.
"That's perfect my boys, thank you," Shane said.
"I want to ask you two something as well," Rye continued, "Have
you considered that Shane may not be able to go through with this
now, or maybe ever?"
"Yes we talked about it this morning and I said it didn't matter.
We are able to give each other pleasure in so many other ways that
if we can't do it this way it's okay and I won't love him any less."
Bryan answered before Shane could say anything.
Shane had his head low.
"You are quite the man Bryan, I can see why Shane loves you,"
Mark said.
"I told him that if I couldn't do it then he could still do it
with you two and I wouldn't mind, but he said he didn't think he
would. I don't want him to miss out on anything so tell him he
can be with you okay," Shane said and Rye saw a tear fall from
his eyes.
"Sure Shane and you can just forget your silly fears and let me
fuck you," Rye responded harshly.
Everyone just stared open mouthed at Rye. It was said harshly and
was meant to provoke an outburst, unfortunately the outburst came
from Bryan.
"What the fuck?" Bryan shouted and pushed Rye so that his chair
went over and he fell back.
"Whoa," Mark said as he stepped in front of Bryan and the others
came into the room from around the house, "Calm down Bryan."
Rye stood up and smiled. "Well that wasn't what I was expecting."
Rye turned and looked at the anger in Shane'e eyes and spoke to
Shane, "But your anger was."
"That was a shitty thing to say Rye," Shane was standing and
shaking in anger. Bryan was being restrained by Mark and looked
like he was ready to kill. Nobody else said anything and Kian,
Nicky and Jill were scared, not knowing what had happened.
"It was wasn't it. But why do you hate me for telling you to
ignore your feelings when you just told me to make Bryan forget
his feelings," Rye explained calmly.
Shane's eyes opened in surprise as he thought about what Rye said.
Then he turned to Bryan who was still glaring angrily at Rye and
said, "I'm sorry Bry boy, I was awful to you."
Bryan was surprised and turned to Shane. Everyone watched as
Bryan put together what had happened. It wasn't that Bryan was
stupid but he tended to think with his heart first and his brain
only kicked in later. Finally his eyes softened and he pulled
Shane to him. Jill, Kian and Nicky left, realizing that whatever
had happened did not really concern them and they would find out
about it later if they needed to be told. Then something else
kicked in for Bryan and his eyes got wide and his body tensed.
He turned slowly to look at Rye.
"Oh God Rye I'm so sorry," Bryan said.
Rye smiled and hugged Bryan, "No worries my boy that was the
quickest and sincerest display of love I have ever seen. But I
did it on purpose to make Shane think. I just hadn't counted on
you being so protective."
"But I hit you," Bryan said as if Rye himself did not understand
what had happened.
"Yeah you did, good for you, I deserved it. I'm surprised you
didn't punch me. I didn't think that through very well but it
worked so that's what's important," Rye smiled.
"So we are okay?" Bryan wanted Rye to say it.
"We are always okay, I love you Bry boy." Rye tenderly kissed
Bryan on the lips then on both his eyes. "Come on Shane let's
play some pool."
Rye pulled Shane behind him as they headed to the games room,
leaving Mark and Bryan in the kitchen.
"How does he do that?" Bryan asked.
"What?"
"Make everything okay, take a hit and then pretend like it doesn't
matter."
"Cuz it doesn't. Rye would give everything for any one of us,
even his friendship. Kian told me that Rye was willing to give up
their friendship if it meant that Kian would stop criticizing
himself so that he could be with Jill. He just did the same thing
here. He put his friendship on the line so that you two could be
happy. It's just Rye." Mark smiled but inside he was filled with
pride.
Bryan turned to Mark and asked, "Is he really an angel?"
Mark smiled and looked at Bryan but saw that Bryan was serious.
"I don't know Bry boy, I don't think so, but he is unlike anyone
I have ever met before. If it makes you feel better to think it
then go ahead, he is certainly our angel whether or not he is
from heaven or not."
Bryan smiled, "I'm not stupid you know, just slow sometimes. I
guess I don't really think he is an angel but he is just so
special that I find it hard to think of him as a normal person."
"That can be a problem sometimes though. Look at what happened
earlier. Nobody suspected how much pain and confusion Rye was
experiencing, how his emotions were building up. He was terrified
that we were going to leave him. We take so much of our strength
and love from him we sometimes forget what a shitty life he has
had and that he is so very very fragile himself," Mark said.
"I'm sorry I hit him," Bryan said.
Mark smiled and put his arm around Bryan, "I know you are, but I
will tell you it took me off guard what he said too. I was about
to yell at him but you beat me to it. Just let it go Bry boy,
he has. Let's get changed and grab a jet ski."
...to be continued
Okay I used Lean On Me again, Bill Withers sings it as do many
others. It's a great song and for me it fits. All rights to
the song and lyrics are retained by their respective authors.