Date: Sun, 14 Jul 2002 17:49:34 EDT
From: KandLStories@aol.com
Subject: Maze of Moments 19 -celebrity/boyband

WELCOME BACK! It's DISCLAIMER time once more: Nope, still don't know Lance
Bass or anyone else in N'Sync, and this story is from the depths of my
often weird imagination. Everything else is made up too, so don't sue me! I
don't wanna wash dishes for the rest of my days!

Glad to see (?) so many of you once again! Many thanks to everyone who has
written in with feedback of some kind. I haven't gotten back to a few of
you just yet, but rest assured I will!

Hey, drop me a line and tell me what you think! Send questions, comments,
and huge sums of cash to KandLStories@aol.com and make your voice heard!
And after you've done that, make sure to visit railwayshoes.net, the host
site of Maze and many other great stories, brought to you by my hostess
with the mostess, Gabriella Morrison!

The Maze of Moments copyright 2002.

Thanks for reading! On with the show!

                         ---Tony


AUTHOR'S NOTE: This chapter is told from Kevin's point of view. Just so ya
know. Don't wanna confuse anyone out there.


The Maze of Moments - A Kevin and Lance Story

Chapter 19 - A Simple Inner Monologue

               "The further on I go, oh the less I know..."
                    --from "Only Us" by Peter Gabriel


Did you ever have one of those moments where you begin to wonder if you've
bitten off just a little bit more than you can chew? You know, like when
you pile up a ton of food on your plate at one of those buffet places, or
volunteer yourself for some kind of project, thinking that it was going to
be so easy when in reality it was more trouble than it was worth? See, my
grandpa always had a theory about that sort of thing. "When someone asks
you if you can do something, it's always easier to say yes," he would say,
"because when you say no, you have to follow it up with a 'because....' ."

And you know, the more I look back on what he said, the more I think how
right he was. It's not that I regret having this idea for a concert, not at
all. But that Tuesday....well, when it was over, I was seriously beginning
to think if Eric was onto something all those times when he warned me to
make sure my brain was in gear before my mouth was in motion. It was a lot
more work than I thought it would be. I figured, play a few songs, play
N'Sync's music while they sing, raise some money for a good cause, and be
done with it. Little did I know exactly how much work was going to have to
go into it. And I sort of forgot all the little details that go into being
in a new relationship.

Anyway.

I had just been introduced, finally, to the other members of N'Sync a few
minutes before, and I imagine they were doing to me the same thing I was
doing to them: sizing them up. Not as competition or anything like that,
but more along the lines of what they were like, and more importantly what
they thought of me. First impressions and all.

Lance and I walked into the auditorium and saw the others starting to go to
work, introducing themselves to my band (and for the record, I think
Dubious Distinction is a cool name, no matter what Eric says), grabbing
free munchies from a table Terry had set up, looking over the place, all
that. Chris was still bouncing around from person to person, talking a mile
a minute.

"Is he always this hyper?" I asked Lance as we watched.

"Hyper, yes. This hyper...no. Joey said something about more snack cakes
than the normal human being should be allowed to have, and Jolt cola."

"Jolt? Damn, they still make that stuff?"

"It does explain a lot, doesn't it? I think it's kinda nasty myself. Hey,
you ever have CheerWine?"

Lance then proceeded to explain to me what CheerWine was (which, by the
way, didn't sound all that appealing...when you're diabetic, you try and
stay away from sodas that are 99.9% sugar), but I was more interested in
watching Chris, and I couldn't help but grin as he kept at it, non stop.

>From what I've seen of him so far, and from what little Lance told me, I
liked him. I knew right off the bat that his "I could do better" comment
outside was just a joke, something to get under Lance's skin. Besides,
judging from what Lance told me, Chris' choice in dating material left a
little to be desired.

Okay, a lot.

At any rate, there was something about Chris that reminded me of...well,
me. I don't think Lance has seen too much of it yet, but when I want to be
in a playful, silly mood, I can go all out. I love making people laugh. My
grandma always said that a smile is like a gift from above, or something to
that effect. Actually, I tried to tune out a lot of what grandma said,
since most of the time it had to do with religion or whatever. But in this
case, she was right. I don't think there's anything better you could do for
someone than to get them to smile, especially after a long day, or a bad
day, or both. Eric says that I can get him to smile, no matter how shitty
he feels.

I can tell Chris is like that in the group. He looks to be the prankster,
the one playing the practical joke all the time. He probably gets on the
nerves of everyone around him after awhile, but I'd bet they wouldn't trade
him in for anything.

We walked over to the stage and a little table that was set up for
paperwork and the like that Lance needed to work on that day. Most of it
had to do with N'Sync business, but quite a bit, from what I saw, had to do
with our little project. We had to finalize a list of songs that the band
would perform to open, and then the songs N'Sync would do that we would
provide backup for.  Easy enough, right? Not exactly. For one thing, we
weren't going to have all the bells and whistles they did during a regular
performance, so needless to say we were going to give new meaning to the
words 'toned down.' As in 'quite a bit.' Second, we barely started to learn
these songs yesterday, so we were going to have a lot of work to do. But
Lance seemed confident that we could do it, no problem.

"You still worried," he asked me as I picked up a list of songs and
squinted.

"A little, yeah. And probably going blind, too."

One thing did suck about this auditorium: the lighting. Way too dark, if
you ask me. And I hate wearing my glasses, even if it's only to read. But,
I was a good little boy and took them out of my pocket and placed them on
my face. Yeah, they made it easier to read, but I just thought they made me
look dorky.

"Whoa, look at the professor over here!"

Looking up, I turned my head and saw Joey smiling at me. I sort of
half-smirked back at him, and then went back to my list.

Joey.

Back to the first impressions thing.

The first thought that went through my head when I met him is gonna sound,
like, really bad, but what the hell.

He reminds me of a big teddy bear.

I guess it's because of his size and all. He just looks like one of those
guys that wants to be everyone's buddy, you know? Like, he would come up to
you and wrap his arms around you and give you a big ole hug and make this
growling noise as he did it. And wouldn't you know, that's exactly what he
did to Lance as we stood there? He just walked up from behind and did it,
catching Lance totally off guard.

"Whoa!"

"We missed ya Scoop! Did you have a good birthday last week?" Joey asked
with a huge grin.

"Oh yeah. Great," Lance answered, kind of sarcastically I thought, as he
threw me a slight look.

Hey, it wasn't my fault he went ahead and drank all that beer. Was it?

"I understand you had a pretty good time...if you remember any of it, that
is," said JC as he came over to join us.

JC.

I couldn't put my finger on it, but there was something about JC.

First of all, I noticed his...I don't want to say aura or anything, but
maybe presence is a better word. He just carried himself with such
confidence, that you couldn't help but be in a little awe of him. See, if I
didn't know any better, I would have thought that Lance was the natural
leader of this group, but apparently I was wrong. Even he deferred to JC in
a sort of older brother or mentor kind of way. You could just tell that
when push came to shove, he was the one who had to call the shots, aside
from their management that is.

Then....just from the few minutes we had spoken....I don't think he liked
me very much. Maybe I was wrong, but there was just something about the way
he was around me that made me feel that way. Oh, he was polite and all,
don't get me wrong. But it was almost like he was...forcing himself to do
it. I get the feeling that I hadn't passed some kind of a test for him just
yet.

Turns out it was that whole big brother thing of his coming out. Among
other things.

But I guess I'm getting ahead of myself.

                         **********

The four of us huddled around this table, looking over songs and trying to
decide what was in, and what was out.

"Well if you ask me," JC said, "I think we should put as much of the new
material in as possible.  Let's face it, this is basically free publicity
for our own tour and the album."

"That's pretty much what I thought," Lance agreed. "Most people haven't
heard any of it, with the exception of 'Bye, Bye, Bye,' so this is the
perfect opportunity."

"Works for me," Joey said.

"Yeah, but you're all forgetting one thing." I thought now was as good a
time as any to speak up.

They all looked up from the lists at me, and suddenly I felt like I was
shrinking. "What's that Kevin?" JC asked.

Great. It would have to be JC to ask me.

"Well...I mean...we're not the seasoned pros like you guys are, remember?
And some of these songs require just a bit more than what we've got in the
way of instruments and experience."

"Don't worry about it," JC said, "you guys will probably do just fine."

"No, hang on a sec Josh," Joey interrupted. "He's right you know. How long
have we had to practice this new stuff? And how long do they have, four
days? Maybe we should stick with some of the simple ones. You know, from
the old album."

"Joe, that stuff has been played to death! I mean, how many times can we do
'Sailing'?"

Chris came over to us, leaving Justin and Eric behind talking with Terry
and Derrick, one of my buddies in the band. "I don't have to be hooked up
to any wires again, do I? I hate that!"

"No Chris, no wires," Lance replied. Then, he looked down at the list again
and sighed.  "Well...maybe we do need to think about this a little
more. But JC is right, we should get in as much of the new stuff as we
possibly can."

"Well, just as long as we don't make it too difficult," Joey added with a
wink in my direction.

"Whatever, let's just sing already! Energy! I have energy I tell you!"
Chris was now hopping up and down a little bit.

"Alright, Chris, alright. We'll sing soon! Just let me and Lance make the
changes to the songs, and we'll be right there!" JC laughed.

See what I mean about deferring to him?

                         **********

Now was a good a time as any to check in on my roommate and Justin, who, I
might add, had become somewhat of a sidekick to him. I never did find out
what went on in that hotel room the night before, and I don't think I ever
wanna know either. Anyway, I just nodded my head at JC's pronouncement and
wandered over to where they were standing, next to that munchie table with
Terry and Derrick.

"We ready to go?" Derrick asked.

"I think so, they're just making some last minute changes. Could you get
the sheets to the guys for me while I grab a drink real quick?"

"Sure, no prob. See ya on stage!"

I took off my glasses and stuck them back in my pocket and then went to
pour myself a Diet Coke. Not as tasty as say, a nice cold beer, but it was
a little early in the day. And I do gotta watch the sugar, like I said
before.

"What was all that about over there?" Justin asked me.

"Just trying to figure out what songs are in and which ones aren't, that's
all."

"Oh yeah? I better put in my two cents worth then. Oh, I almost forgot!"
Justin reached over to pick up a rather thick Federal Express folder. "This
is for you. Everything you need is in here.  Look over it, and if you have
any questions, just ask me or Lance or one of the other guys, okay?"

"Yeah...okay," I said as I took it from him. Justin then walked over to his
bandmates.

"What is it?" Eric asked.

"Good question." Tearing open the package, I peeked inside to find all
kinds of things. Lists of venues, hotels, travel arrangements, and a
laminated "No Strings Attached Tour 2000" badge on a long piece of cord. It
had gold lettering on it, which, I assumed, meant I could get anywhere I
wanted backstage. This was it. My keys to the kingdom, so to
speak. Everything I needed to see the country and be with my boyfriend this
summer.

"Whoa, they went all out for you, didn't they?" Eric asked as he looked
with me.

Terry looked too, but only out of the corner of his eye, and then walked
off, with a look on his face that was part sad and part pissed off.

"What's wrong with him?" I asked. Terry usually fell all over himself being
nice to the people 'Mr.  Bass' worked with, but this morning I noticed he
was more or less trying to stay away from me.

As a matter of fact, he hadn't even said good morning to me.

"Didn't Lance talk to him yesterday?" Eric asked.

"Yeah, right before we had lunch, remember? Why?"

"I think you need to talk to him now."

"Okay. Again, why?"

Sighing, Eric took a drink of his own soda and then put down the plastic
cup.

"Kev, he may have gotten things worked out with Lance, kinda, but I think
he needs to work things out with you. After all, you took away the object
of his affection, remember?"

"Yeah, but I thought everything was cool."

"Well, apparently it's not. Go and talk to him, try and make nice before he
works his magic ways of getting things done for Lance to make you
disappear."

"You don't think he'd do that! Uh. Do you?"

Eric just grinned at me and shrugged, then nudged me in the direction Terry
had walked off in.

Like I said. Biting off more than I can chew.

                         **********

Now, I knew dating Lance Bass was going to create a few complications here
and there. After all, you don't date a closeted celebrity without having to
take a few risks. A lot of these things had already occurred to me in the
week or so we had been together so far. For example, I knew that if we were
ever seen together in public, we would have to be extremely careful. No
holding hands or sneaking kisses or anything like that. I also knew that,
this summer aside, I couldn't follow him around the country like a little
puppy following its master around the house.

I would have liked to, but knew I couldn't.

Anyway. What I didn't count on was a complication with another person. When
I met Lance, he told me he was single, that his luck dating was about as
good as...well...okay, so it wasn't good at all, and that he was a
virgin. What he didn't tell me, though, was that he had a college freshman
who was his right hand man in all matters Lance Bass. That was cool with
me. Lance couldn't be in more than one place at the same time, after
all. So why not have an assistant, right?

Terry Reid. How does one describe Terry.

Annoying comes to mind right away.

Okay, so the kid isn't all that bad. He just tries a little too hard,
that's all. When I met him I picked up on the fact right away that he had a
thing for Lance.

Which, were I not dating said Mr. Bass, might be kind of hot, in a porno
sort of way. I mean, the sexy secretary getting it on with the boss?
Fortunately I am dating said Mr. Bass.

So, I kept pushing and pushing Lance to tell Terry about us, because even
though the kid has his moments where you just want to smack him until he
stops being so helpful, I really didn't want to see him get hurt.

I don't think Lance really understands what that's like, you know? I've
told him the basic nitty- gritty about me and Kris, and what happened to me
last fall, but until it happens to you, you will never really know what it
feels like to have your heart broken. It feels like the world around you
has fallen apart, and you're the only thing left standing, all alone. Lance
just has no clue what it's like to cry yourself to sleep, or feel utterly
and completely alone. He needed to tell him, plain and simple. And he kept
putting it off and putting it off.

And what happened? Terry sees me kiss Lance.

Not like, a tongue swapping, heart pounding, give a little grope to show
you care kiss. But just enough to put two and two together and make four.

Terry runs off, Lance runs after him, and they come back about twenty
minutes later, and all is well.

Or so I thought.

I told Eric to go ahead and start warming up with the other guys, while I
went to go find Terry towards the front of the auditorium. I don't know if
he was waiting on supplies, or mail, or whatever, but it sure didn't seem
like he wanted to be in the same room with me. He was in the lobby, looking
out on the parking lot where we had all met up just fifteen minutes
earlier.

"Heya kiddo," I said. "How ya doing today?"

"Fine," he answered without looking up.

"I hate how dark it is in there. You'd think they'd have the lights turned
up more."

"Uh-huh."

Okay, this is going well.

"Say, you think you could talk to them about that for later today or
tomorrow? It'd help us all out a lot if we could actually see what we're
supposed to be playing.  I don't wanna look like a dork Thursday night," I
said with a grin. Try and make him smile, I figure.

"Yeah, I guess I can do that." Same monotone response.

Sighing, I walked up next to him and leaned up against the glass.

"Terry, have I done something to make you mad?"

"Huh? No...why?"

"Because you're sure acting like I did. Is it because of me and Lance?"

He didn't answer me this time, but instead just looked down and kind of
away from me.

I sighed again and stood back up straight. "Terry, listen. You know how
much Lance and I mean to each other, right? And you know that we want you
to be our friend, more than anything else in the world. Hell, he told me a
little bit about what the two of you talked about yesterday...."

"You two mean so much to each other?" Terry interrupted. "You two barely
know each other! I mean, you met, what, a week and a half ago? I've known
Mr. Ba...Lance a lot longer than you have!"

Whoa.

Little Terry shows some balls. You go kiddo.

"You know what?" I said. "You're right. You're absolutely right. I have
only known Lance for a week and a half. And you have known him longer. So
yeah, I seem like the outsider here, don't I?"

Terry just nodded.

"And I'm probably taking up a lot of his time, aren't I?"

Terry nodded again.

"But if you were in my shoes, wouldn't you be doing the same thing?"

Ah, the light dawned. Terry raised his head and looked at me.

"Think about it. If you were me and I were you, wouldn't you want me to be
happy for Lance?  You've worked for him a long time, you must have seen
that he was pretty lonely once and awhile, right?"

"Well....yeah. He seemed kind of...sad sometimes."

"Kiddo, listen. I'm not taking Lance away from you, anymore than I'm taking
him away from N'Sync or his family or his other friends. I've just been
inserted into all of that. It's gonna take a little time to adjust, for me
and for everyone else. Lance still has a life outside of Kevin Douglas,
just like I have a life outside of Lance Bass. But for a little while,
we're just going to be sort of wrapped up with each other, that's all. It
doesn't mean that he doesn't like you anymore, or that he doesn't want to
spend time working with you, or anything like that."

"I...I guess I never thought of it that way."

"It's like he said yesterday, we want you to be our friend, okay? I'd never
try and push you away from him. Besides, he's the boss, remember? Not like
I could if I wanted to."

"True. And what would he do without me anyway, right?" Terry actually
grinned, the little shit.

See what I mean about getting people to smile?

"Exactly. Now, why don't you come on and listen to some songs while you
work, okay?"

"Sure. Um...Kevin? I'm sorry I acted like this."

"No problem, kiddo. No problem."

                         **********

One crisis resolved. I sort of hoped that there wouldn't be anymore that
day, but I've already learned never to count your chickens until there
hatched. Somehow, I had that feeling in the back of my mind that I wasn't
going to get off that easily today.

Still, those thoughts were put from my head when I walked back in with
Terry and saw Lance look up from what he was doing and smile at me.

And inside, I melted a little bit.

I guess I sort of wrapped myself up in everything over the course of the
last few months that I forgot what it was like to feel that way when
someone you love looks at you and gives you that smile. You know the one
I'm talking about. Not just the friendly hello kind of smile, but the smile
that says everything in an instant. The one that says I'm happy to see
you. The one that says you're making things better just by being here. The
one that says I love you.

Terry did have a point. Lance and I had only known each other for a short
amount of time, so I guess it may seem silly to some people that we could
say 'I love you' to each other and really mean it. I mean, that's something
that only happens in movies or in stories, right? And after Kris, I swore
that the next time I found someone, I was going to take my time entering
into a relationship with them, that I wasn't going to rush things.

Well, it turns out I rushed that theory right out the door. And that was
fine by me.

First impressions. Hell, I did three-fifths of N'Sync already, why not add
my boyfriend to the list.  Actually, I guess it'd be more appropriate to
call these ongoing impressions.

He's good looking. He's funny. He's sweet. He's smart. He's good
looking. He's honest. He truly cares about his friends. His smile is so
warm and genuine it could melt an icicle. He has gorgeous eyes. He's good
looking.

Did I mention he was good looking?

How the hell did I fall in love with this guy so damn fast? Aside from all
of the above, that is. I don't know if I can ever answer that, which may
not be such a bad thing. See, love is one of those things that maybe should
have a little bit of mystery to it. It's the only emotion that can't be
defined as black and white, but more like grey. After all, when you're sad,
you're sad. When you're happy, you're happy. And most times, you can come
up with some explanations for those, and for all the other emotions us
people go through: anger, lust, pride, envy. But love? I sometimes think
love just happens, especially when you least expect it, and if you can't
truly define it, then so be it.

But if I had to come up with a quick off the top of my head answer, it'd be
this: Lance makes me feel safe, and he makes me want to be a better
person. And if that isn't a good definition of love, then I don't know what
is.

Hey, I'm a history student, not a philosophy one. Best I can do there.

But back to that smile. I love (there's that word again) that smile. Every
time he does it, I can't help but feel like he and I are the only two
people in the world, and that nothing else mattered.

However, we weren't the only two people in the world at the
moment. Unfortunately.

"Hey! Come on already, Kevin! Time to sing! Time to dance! Time to make
magic!!"

You never could accuse Chris of not getting right to the point. And I guess
he was right in a way, we had put things off long enough. I walked past
Lance and smiled back at him, giving him a little wink in the process, and
made my way up and onto the stage.

                         **********

I guess JC wasn't such a bad guy after all, because once I looked at the
final version of the N'Sync play list, I started to feel a little
better. True, there were a lot of songs from the new album, but nothing
that needed more than what we could provide. Even better, there was a nice
selection of songs from their first one that I thought we could do justice
to. In spite of what he had said earlier, 'Sailing' was indeed one of the
final choices, as was 'Everything I Own,' which really is a great old song
by Bread. Heck, I knew that even before I met Lance. I was going to have
some fun with these, since oldies and classic rock tend to be right up my
alley.

There were a couple of the new songs I was going to enjoy performing as
well. I figured I could do a great job on electric guitar for 'No Strings
Attached,' and really go all out on the solo for 'This I Promise You.'
Needless to say, I was more than a little relieved.

Crisis number two resolved.

Since I was in such a good mood now, I thought I'd press my luck just a
little. The guys and I did our best on several N'Sync songs, with a pointer
or two here and there from the group themselves, when we decided to work on
some of the songs we would do to open the show with.  That's when I came up
with the idea.

"Hey guys," I said, looking out at Lance and his comrades. "Can I make a
suggestion?"

"Sure Kev, what is it?" Lance said as he looked up. And there was that
smile again.

"Well, I was thinking. How about if we perform a song with a couple of you
before you guys take the stage? Something to whet the audience appetite, so
to speak?"

Lance looked at the others, who just sort of shrugged and nodded. Well, all
except for Chris, who by now was starting to come down from his sugar high
and was looking like he wanted to collapse.

"I guess that would be alright. What, and who, did you have in mind?"

"Well, the who is you and Justin," I started, and was interrupted by Chris,
who had one last burst of sugar induced energy.

"Figures!! What, the rest of us aren't worthy or something!"

"Never mind him, go on Kev," Joey said as he playfully put a hand over
Chris' mouth to silence him.

I couldn't help but laugh a little before going on. "Okay...and the
what....well, have you guys ever heard of the Hooters?"

Justin perked up at this, and I had a feeling it wasn't for the reason I
was talking about.

"Hooters? You mean the restaurant that hires the girls with the really big
ti.."

"JUSTIN!" Lance and company shouted as one.

"What? What did I do?" he said innocently.

"Uh..no, Justin, not the restaurant,' Eric said as he came to the
rescue. "The group from the 80s?"

"Oh. Oh yeah, them!"

I rolled my eyes and made my explanation of why I figured two of the five
would do, since the song was perfect for four parts (me and Eric making up
the other two), and the fact that I picked Justin and Lance because they
had been helping put this together from about day one.

The others gave a tentative approval, but wanted to see first hand how this
would look. I noticed JC in particular had a questioning look on his
face. So, Lance and Justin joined us on stage, lyrics were handed out, and
me and the boys started to play. I took the first verse with Eric:

She was a be-bop baby on a hard days night She was hangin' on Johnny, he
was holdin' on tight Well I could feel her coming from a mile away There
was no use talking, there was nothing to say When the band began to play
and play

And we danced Like a wave on the ocean, romanced We were liars in love and
we danced Swept away for a moment by chance Yeah, we danced and danced and
danced

Then, Lance stepped up and took his part:

I met my be-bop baby at the Union Hall She could dance all night and shake
the paint off the walls But when I saw her smile across a crowded room Well
I knew we'd have to leave the party soon As the band began to play out of
tune

The three of us then repeated the chorus:

And we danced Like a wave on the ocean, romanced We were liars in love and
we danced Swept away for a moment by chance Yeah, we danced and danced and
danced Yeah, and we danced!

Then it was Justin's turn:

The endless beat, she's walking my way Hear the music fade when she says
Are we getting too close, do we dare to get closer The room is spinning as
she whispers my name

And then all four of us for the big finish:

And we danced!  Like a wave on the ocean, romanced We were liars in love
and we danced Swept away for a moment by chance Yeah, we danced and danced
and danced And we danced!(1)

We actually sang the chorus twice at the end, but you get the idea.

And speaking of ideas, it looks like I had a good one, because by the time
we were done, the other three were clapping and singing along. Chris, who
apparently still had some sugar in him after all, was standing up on his
chair and whistling through his fingers. Even JC smiled and nodded his
approval.

Now, if only I could get his approval on something else.

Me.

                         **********

Around one, we decided that it was about time we took a break for lunch,
and Lance took us all to this little place called Crechale's. Now, I had
kinda heard of it, and so did Eric since we go to school in the state, but
the rest of the guys had no idea what they were in for.

And I mean that in a good way.

The restaurant has been in business since 1956, and from what I've been
told has the best onion rings in the South. Now, I don't know much about
onion rings (never did claim to be an expert either), but I do know they
were really good, as was the rest of the food we had. Great steaks, great
shrimp, and great Cumback sauce.

You heard me. Cumback sauce.

It kinda tastes like thousand island dressing with some chili powder and a
hint of garlic, and it pretty well goes with anything. It's supposed to be
native to Jackson, but from what I understand you can find versions of it
all over the state. Naturally, the name of this particular condiment caused
more than a little bit of amusement for one of our merry little group.

How'd you guess?

Justin picked up the bottle and looked at it.

"What's this orange stuff?" he asked.

"It's Cumback sauce," Lance replied without even looking up from his
menu. And all would have been well, but my boyfriend just had to go ahead
and spell it correctly for him.

That's when Justin started to snicker. Then giggle. And then he broke out
laughing.

Justin Timberlake. Everyone's little brother. I can't even begin to imagine
what it must have been like to start recording and touring at the age of
fourteen, to have everything normal about your life suddenly taken away
from you as you're thrust into a bizarre new world. From what I've seen of
Justin, and from what Lance has told me, he seems to have come out pretty
normal.

Note I said pretty normal and not totally normal.

I like Justin though, and I can see how close he and Lance are. A lot of
that has to do with the fact that the two of them bonded during the early
days of N'Sync, since they were the youngest, and they're really good
friends because of it. And for all his little goofy characteristics, Justin
is a lot smarter and more sensitive than people realize. I found that out
when he and I had the chance to talk after Lance's birthday last week. The
guy cares about his friends, and I think I count among them now, and that's
good enough for me.

Plus, the guy can play a mean game of basketball.

It took Justin a good three or four minutes to calm down. Personally, I was
kind of surprised Chris didn't have some kind of comment to make, but you
could tell the guy was in serious need of a nap. I had a feeling eating
wasn't going to help matters any for him either.

"You're weird, you know that?" Lance said to Justin when he had finally
stopped laughing.

"I am not! Scoop, come on now. The name of this stuff is a joke all in
itself!"

"Have you even tried it?" Eric chimed in.

"Yeah Just, from what Lance told me it's pretty good," JC said, taking the
words right out of my mouth, more or less.

"Well, I guess I can try it. But I better like it!"

Now, THAT was a joke. I would later learn that the list of food Justin
doesn't like could be counted on two hands. Sure enough, as food started to
arrive at the table, he poured some on a plate, dabbed an onion ring in it,
and took a bite.

"Damn," he said under his breath.

"What was that J?" I asked, grinning.

"Nothing. I didn't say anything." And he went ahead and dipped into the
sauce again.

The onion rings, by the way, were the best I've ever had.

                         **********

We made it back around two, and went back to work. Our band and N'Sync
joined up for the first time and went through the songs, and I have to
admit, we sounded pretty good together. It was really something to hear
those guys sing in person as opposed to on the radio or on an album, and
they made us feel like we had been doing this with them for years, as
opposed to a few hours.  Sure, we made a mistake here and there, but they
were patient with us when this happened, and just pointed out what we
needed to do differently.

We did that for about an hour and a half, at which time Lance went offstage
and back to his seat with Terry to do some work. Chris joined them, but
rather than working, he sort of sprawled out between three seats and fell
right asleep. That left Joey, Justin, and JC (hmmm...the three J's) with
us. Again, we did pretty good, but every time JC corrected me on something,
I felt like I was back in third grade again, and I was in front of the
principal. He was being nice, don't get me wrong, but I felt so flippin'
nervous around him, it wasn't funny. I just had this feeling that he was
watching everything I was doing with a magnifying glass.

I was saved, more or less, by the sight of Lance talking on his cell phone
and looking worried.  Something was up.

"Hey, can we take a break?" I asked JC.

"Yeah, I guess so. We could go for another hour or so, and then pick up
tomorrow anyway.  Gettin' kind of late," he said.

I just nodded and put down my guitar, and then hopped down from the stage
over to my boyfriend, who had since hung up his phone and was now rubbing
his eyes.

"What's up?"

"Well....we have a slight problem."

"Okay, what?"

Lance took a deep breath and sighed. "We're over budget."

"Over budget?"

"Yeah, for the concert."

"How so?"

"Well, between building rental, equipment rental, security, staff for the
night, publicity, and all the other little bits and details, I think I'm
about to bankrupt my company."

I winced a little and sat down next to him. "How bad is it?"

"Um. Bad."

I wrapped an arm around him and tried again. "Lance...how bad?"

"Like...ten grand bad."

"Whoa! Man, I never knew this would cost so much."

"Neither did I. The building cost is what's killing us, that's the
thing. If they would just donate the facility it wouldn't be so bad, but I
could only get them to give in so much, you know?"

Terry, who was punching buttons on his calculator, looked up. "Lance is
right, it comes out to almost exactly ten thousand dollars. That would
cover everything we need and then some, maybe give us a little bit of a
window, just in case."

Lance sighed again and bit the end of his pen. "Well, I don't want to have
to beg management....and this was my baby, so I'm not gonna ask the other
guys....Terry, let's call the bank before it closes, maybe we can cash in
something an..."

"Hold it," I said, interrupting him. "Your baby? As I recall, Mr. Bass,
this is our baby. I came up with the idea, remember? Well, me and Eric
anyway."

"Yeah? And?"

"Let me use the phone."

Lance had a puzzled look on his face, but gave me the phone. I never did
ask if I could dial long distance, or if he even minded, but I figured I'd
make up for it later.

What I did was call Chicago and my Uncle Jake.

I don't like to talk about my money. Not at all. In fact, there's only been
a handful of times that I've gone over the top with spending. Technically,
I never have to work a day in my life again if I didn't want to, but that
wasn't for me.

When my parents were killed, their life insurance, plus a settlement from
the airline, plus my inheritance on both sides of the family, plus my share
of the Douglas Foundation....well, you add that all up, and I've got more
than the average twenty-one year old. Way more. I don't want to sound like
I'm bragging, because I'm not, not in any way, shape, or form. There's more
to me than what I'm worth, and I use just enough to pay bills and the
like. Now, I did sort of go overboard on a certain birthday present a week
or so ago, but it was worth it. I figure, this was going to be another one
of those worthwhile things, too.

My uncle's secretary put me through.

"Jacob Douglas speaking."

"Uncle Jake, it's Kevin!"

"Kevin! Hey, how are you? How did finals go? You have your grades yet? When
are you coming up to visit? You know, Chad misses you and..."

"Uncle Jake, whoa, slow down! The answers are: fine, fine, not yet, don't
know. Listen, I can't talk very long, but I sort of need a favor."

"Favor? Something wrong?"

I hesitated for a minute, looked at Lance and Terry, and then stood up and
walked away from them a little.

"Kinda. Look, could you transfer some money from the trust into my checking
account?"

"Did the stipend not go through?"

"No, no it did...it's just...something kind of came up, that's all."

"Hmm. Well, alright, I suppose so. How much do you need?"

"Um. Ten thousand dollars?"

Uncle Jake got quiet for a minute.

"You're joking, right?"

"No, I'm not. It's for a good cause, really. See, this church burned down,
and..."

"You're buying a new car and you don't want to tell me, is that it?"

"No, no...there's this church in Jackson, see, and it burne..."

"You want to buy a house? A boat? A houseboat?"

"Uncle Jake, would you listen to me! There was a church in Jackson that..."

"....that burned down and you and this group...in something or another are
holding some kind of charity event for it."

Now it was my turn to be quiet.

"How the hell did you know that!"

"Kevin, your cousin is a teenager, remember? He stays glued to MTV like it
was gospel. I think it's a great thing you're doing with those guys. How do
you know them, anyway?"

"Uhhh....it's kind of a long story...."

"That's alright, you can tell me another time. Frankly, I was expecting you
to call me much sooner than now."

"Um....right. So, Uncle Jake, about that money..."

"I'll have it taken care of by the end of the day. It'll be in your account
tomorrow morning."

"Wow...thanks Uncle Jake, this means a lot to me. Listen, I need to go. Say
hi to Chad and everyone for me, okay?"

"I will. And Kevin, call your grandmother, would you? I think she misses
you."

"I'll do that. Bye Uncle Jake...and thanks again!"

I hung up the phone and turned around.

And had the wits scared out of me. He did it to me again.

"Ahhh! Stop that!" I said to Lance.

"What was that all about?"

I handed the phone back to him, and reached to my back pocket for my
checkbook/wallet. "I've got everything covered."

"What do you mean?"

I wrote out a check to FreeLance for ten thousand, dated it for the next
day, and handed it over.

"Here ya go, all set."

Lance took the check, looked at it, and then looked back up at me.

Now, I expected a "Gee whiz, thanks Kev! You're the best boyfriend EVER!"
or maybe "Wow!  Kev, you are too cool!" or even a "Dude." Turns out, I got
none of those.

"Let's go for a walk, shall we?"

Uh-oh.

                         **********

Lance and I walked to that same lobby where I had my little one-on-one with
Terry earlier that day.

"What the hell is this?" he asked.

"It's a check to cover what we need for the concert."

"Kevin...most guys our age don't have this kind of money just lying
around. How did you come up with this?"

Well, I figured we were going to have to talk about me and money at some
point. I just didn't think this was the right time or place.

"Did you have to borrow this or something Kevin? Because if you did, I'm
gonna.."

"Lance, I didn't borrow anything. The money is mine. It's no big deal."

"No big deal! Kevin, this is just a little more than no big deal if you ask
me!"

I couldn't tell if Lance was mad, in shock, or a combination of the two. I
think it actually was a little bit of both, really. I knew I told him that
we would have no secrets between the two of us, but the issue of money was
always a little touchy with me. Like I said, I don't brag or anything like
that.

"Lance, can we talk about this later tonight? Just have Terry deposit the
check in the morning and leave it at that."

Then it was Lance's turn to shock me.

"How much money do you have Kevin?"

Well, nothing like coming right to the point, is there? Now true, I suppose
he had a right to know, and that was cool with me. But this really wasn't
the time to talk about it, and he could have asked a little more
tactfully. Needless to say, I was getting a little perturbed.

"Lance," I sighed in exasperation, "what is the big fucking deal? Just give
the check over to Terry and pay the bills for the show, okay?"

"Not until you answer my question!"

"Why is this so damn important to you anyway?" I shouted more than asked.

"Because it is, that's why! How do I know where this money is really coming
from? For all I know, you could have just taken out a loan right now, or.."

"In a five minute phone call?! Give me a break Lance! You want to know?
Fine! I'm worth about five and a half million, okay! Happy now?"

JC, who had heard the shouting, came walking through the door from the main
area at around the time I spat the words 'five and a half million' at my
boyfriend. Perfect timing, I thought.

"Whoa, guys...what's going on?"

Lance still looked a little shocked and still a little upset. I just looked
upset.

"Nothing," I said as I walked away. "Nothing at all."

That went well.

                         **********

I guess I have too much Yankee in me, because I'll never get used to the
heat down here. Funny, when you figure that I've lived here all my life. I
guess it's something in my genetics that longs for snow, and low humidity,
and moderate summers and all that. So, when I stormed outside, the heat hit
me like a brick wall, which did nothing for my now sour mood.

"Shit. Fucking weather," I spat as I walked around the parking lot.

Me and my big mouth. All part of that brain/mouth thing that Eric keeps
reminding me about. I suppose I could have handled that a little better, or
at least asked Lance first, but I thought I was doing the right thing. At
worst, I was doing something nice to help.

But he just had to keep pushing it and pushing it. Just like the whole 'How
many people have you slept with' thing we went through last night. Okay, so
he has a right to know, like I keep saying.  That's fine, I don't have a
problem with that. What I have a problem with is when I feel like I'm being
pushed up against a wall, or when people keep harping about something. In
Lance's case, it was also the whole inadequacy thing that seems to haunt
him.

I really wish he wouldn't feel like he was in competition with everyone and
everything else. I love him, I really do. There isn't anyone or anything
else, just Lance. If a cute girl walks by, so what?  Same thing for a hot
guy. Sure, I may look, but I'm not gonna touch.

And so what if I have five and a half million dollars. No big deal.

Right?

Okay. Maybe it is a big deal.

I had no idea what Lance was thinking right now, or why he kept
pushing. But, when I looked back and saw JC coming in my direction, I had a
feeling I was about to find out.

"Everything okay?"

I figured I really had to watch what I said here. Like I said, there was
something about JC that made me feel uneasy. Him and that stupid aura of
his.

"We...just had a little fight, that's all."

"So I heard. Something about money?"

Great. Not him, too.

"Yeah, something like that. Listen, JC, I don't want to sound like a dick
or anything, but...this...this is....you know...."

"None of my business?"

"Yeah."

JC nodded and walked with me. "You're right, it's not. And in a way, it
is. Just about everything that happens between the two of you is our
business now. Well, except for the dirty stuff that is."

"Huh?"

"What, I have to explain what dirty stuff is?" he grinned.

"No, no....what do you mean about it's your business?"

"Kev, you've got to remember what Lance is a part of, what we're all a part
of. If something is wrong, it's going to reflect in our work together, and
that goes for all of us, not just him. It's that whole, 'all for one, one
for all' type of thing."

"Which means that Lance and I will never have any kind of privacy?" What
was he getting at here?

"I didn't say that. Of course you guys will have privacy, don't be
silly. But when you two fight, or when one of you is sick, or when
something happens, it effects the other person, and that in turn affects
the whole group. We're not trying to spy on you, or tell you how to run
your relationship.  All I'm saying is that little stuff like this spills
over."

"Oh. Well...that kind of makes sense, yeah."

We stopped walking and JC turned to me. "You also need to remember
something else. It's very difficult for us to have a truly normal
life. Don't be surprised if we get a little skeptical about people and
things."

"Like you are of me?"

Hey, Terry's not the only one with balls you know.

"I just want what's best for Lance, that's all. If it seems like I'm being
cold towards you, or questioning what you say, then so be it. I'm only
looking out for my friend, that's all. Give me a little time to get used to
you, and you to me, and I'm sure we'll get along just fine. But for right
now, I kinda need to take things with a pinch of salt. No offense or
anything."

"I kind of got the impression you were giving me the once-over."

"I still am, and the other guys probably are, too. I just don't want to see
Lance get hurt. He's waited too long for someone to come into his life."

I suppose JC and I could have gone on with this conversation, which
wouldn't have been so bad as far as I was concerned. I found out, at last,
where I stood with him. The bottom line was, he liked me, kind of, and he
wanted to see where this was going with me and Lance. Not only is JC the
big brother, he's the protective big brother as well.

In a way, I felt a little better about the whole thing, and in a way I
didn't. Basically what he told me was that I was going to be under the
microscope for a while. I wonder if he voted yes to let me come along with
them this summer? More importantly, I wonder if he trusts me?

Well, like I was saying, we could have kept this up, but Lance walked
outside and caught up to us.

"Man, it's hot out here," he said.

"Always is. It's Mississippi, remember?" I replied, recalling one of our
first conversations.

"Yeah. Um. Josh, could you give me and Kevin a minute?"

"Sure. I'll be inside," JC said with a smile as he walked off.

Lance and I watched him go back inside, and then he turned to me.

"Kevin, listen....I was way out of line back there..."

"No, I should have told you to begin with..."

"Let me finish, okay? I was way out of line. You were just trying to help,
and I turned it around into something that we should have discussed
privately, and for that I'm sorry."

"Lance, it's okay, I ju..."

"I'm not done yet. Kevin...this is the first real relationship I've been
in, and there are a lot of things that I just don't know how to
handle. Like last night, when I asked you that question about your past
love life. I think I'm reacting to things the way I am because I really
don't know how to react in the first place."

Lance took a deep breath and then continued.

"So, all I'm asking is that you be a little patient with me, and help me
figure out how to be a good boyfriend. Okay?"

I smiled and nodded my head. "Lance, there's nothing I'd like more."

Then, he looked around to make sure no one was watching, and quickly gave
me a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. Again," I said.

"Apology accepted. And, if your offer to help still stands...I'd be proud
to accept."

"Of course it still stands, silly. Now come on, let's wrap this day up!"

As we walked back to the entrance, Lance leaned over playfully.

"Five and a half, huh? I'll remember that the next time we go out to eat
somewhere."

"Oh, shut up, Mr. Bass!" I laughed.

                         **********

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful.

Finally.

We finished up practice, and my guys said good night and took off.

The rest of us met up back at Lance's house, where we decided several
pizzas were in order. We chose to eat out back, since the sun had gone down
and it was finally cooling off a little. I was in the process of lighting
those things to keep bugs away when Chris came up to me.

"You look like you're all recharged," I said.

"Yeah, little nap and I'm as good as new. Hey man, you didn't mind me
ribbing you like that this morning, did you?"

"Nah, not at all. I knew you were full of shit when you said it."

Chris grinned. "Yeah, well. At any rate, for the record, I think you and
Lance make a good pair.  I'm gonna like having you around with us."

"Well, I'm glad at least a few of you are," I said as I blew out the
match. "I'm not so sure about one of you."

"Ah. You must have talked with JC at some point, huh?"

"Good guess. I don't think he likes me very much."

"Kev...wait, you prefer that or Kevin?"

"Kev is fine."

"Cool. Kev, JC needs to get to know you, that's all. Of the five of us, he
kinda takes it a little too seriously sometimes. And honestly, he's a
little overprotective of Lance."

"I noticed," I said dryly.

"But it's in a good way though. You know how Lance and Justin are?"

"Yeah, they mentioned something about the two of them bonding."

"Well, it's kind of like that. When we first got together, Justin turned to
Lance, and Lance turned to JC, really for the same kind of reasons. Ever
since, JC looks out for Lance. Just give him a little time, and you'll be
fine."

"Yeah, I guess."

The patio door slid open, and the others came out, carrying boxes of pizza
and beer.

"Ready to eat?" Justin asked.

Chris and I walked over to the table to join them. Lance came up to me and
put an arm around my waist, looked up at me, and kissed me, causing a few
good natured hoots from the others.

"Aren't they cute?" Justin asked Eric.

"Oh yeah. Makes me wanna puke in my shoes."

Joey laughed as he took a slice of pizza. "Now Eric, they're not that bad!"

"I don't know Joe, they do look a little sappy together like that, don't
you think?" Chris said before taking a drink of his beer.

Lance blushed and shook his head. Then, I saw JC raise his beer towards us.

"Well, sappy or not...Lance found someone. It's about damn time, too!"

The others cheered a little and toasted us, and as JC sipped his beer, he
gave me a wink and a smile.

Maybe, just maybe....he was going to like me after all.


End of Chapter 19

But Kevin and Lance will return in Chapter 20, and the start of a pivotal
moment in their lives, coming soon.

1. "And We Danced," written by Rob Hyman and Eric Bazilian and performed by
The Hooters.  Copyright Sony Music Entertainment Inc., 1985.