Date: Mon, 1 Mar 2004 16:49:56 -0800 (PST)
From: Shannon <swimfan_777@yahoo.com>
Subject: Model Me Chapter 12
Disclaimer: Anything mentioned in this story is complete fiction. The
sexuality of anyone in the story is not necessarily true, but just written
to entertain. If you are underage or if it is illegal to read pornographic
material where you live, please leave now. Also, if you are uncomfortable
with gay relationships, you should not read any farther. For everyone else,
enjoy the show....
Justin had sensed that something was wrong with Craig since he
glanced up at him from the other side of the lounge. The color had drained
out of his face and he looked as though he might burst into tears at any
moment. Justin stood instinctively and walked towards the man when their
flight was called to board. There had been numerous times he had almost
placed a hand on Craig's shoulder or slid his arm around the man's waist
while walking down the terminal. But he didn't. His heart reached out to
Craig. He wanted to know what was hurting him but his brain... well his
brain couldn't reason why he should care at that point. And how could he?
Things just weren't the same between them anymore, at least not from
Justin's point of view. He wasn't sure what Craig was thinking at the
moment. He guessed they would have to talk it out once they landed. That
was one of a few conversations he was not looking forward too.
As they took their seats next to each other in the fifth row of the
airplane Justin looked at Craig. It was more of a glance, letting his eyes
slide over the man's set jaw to his downcast muted green eyes. They looked
almost murky to him now, not the clear lively green eyes he had stared into
just hours before when he was making love to the man. He almost wished that
he had just walked away from Craig forever earlier that day. He had almost
done it. He had one foot in the taxi when he looked back at the hotel. He
still just loved the man too much. His heart hoped that they would be able
to work things out. That maybe by some small twist of fate Jeremy, God he
hated that name, wasn't a barrier in the road of their love, but merely a
fork. Maybe they still had their own choices to make and maybe Craig would
pick him. There was just too much to think about at the moment. Did he
really still want to be with Craig? Their love felt odd almost tainted
now. He knew they had to have some sort of discussion about the whole
situation, but he couldn't do it yet. Honestly he didn't know when he could
do it.
***
"I'm not going," Lance said arms crossed over his chest like a four
year old refusing to take a nap.
"Lance we're not going to talk about this. I'm taking you to the
hospital," JC said. "Chris and Joey are waiting for us there and Justin's
coming back early from his trip."
"I don't care," he said looking out of his window. He caught a
glimpse of his reflection in the glass as JC made a left hand turn. He had
to admit he did look pretty bad and a visit to a doctor couldn't hurt,
especially for his wrist that had swollen up to twice its normal size and
turned every color he could imagine.
JC looked over at him as they slowed down to stop at a red light.
"What were you thinking?" he asked him.
"About what?" Lance asked still staring out of the window at
nothing in particular.
"Lance," JC said touching the man's leg.
Lance looked down at the hand and followed it up to the man's
face. There was a mix of concern and frustration on JC's lips. But his
eyes...those beautiful blue green eyes were all compassion.
"I don't know," Lance said looking down at his wrist which had
started throbbing again.
JC looked at the man for a long moment while silence clung to the
inside of his car. He knew Lance was lying, he could always tell. Hell,
anyone could tell. Lance didn't lie often so he wasn't very good at it.
When they finally got to the hospital Chris and Joey were there
throwing question after question at Lance who just shrugged most of them
off.
"Were you able to find out what the hell is wrong with him?" Chris
asked.
"There isn't anything wrong with him," JC said looking past Chris
to Lance who was sitting a few seats down from them, in the busy emergency
room, cradling his arm.
"Like hell there isn't. He was driving drunk, that's totally not
like him."
"How would you know what's like him?" JC asked, his eyes focusing
in on Chris.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You're so busy with your company and whatever other shit you're
doing you don't even know who he is anymore!"
"What the fuck is your problem?"
"When's the last time you talked to him?"
"Yesterday."
"That wasn't about business. I mean really talked to him Chris."
"I don't know Joshua. We're not all as close as you too apparently
are. Since you guys are such great pals why don't you just fucking take
care of it, then?" he said standing. "I'm done asking questions and caring
about this childish shit!"
As Chris walked out of the hospital eliciting a few stares from the
emergency room patrons, Joey put a hand on JC's shoulder.
"You okay?" he asked sitting next to him.
"Yeah," he said rubbing his hands over his face. "I just need to
get out of here."
"Why don't you go and I'll stay with Lance."
"No it's cool Joe. You're the one who should go. You need to spend
time with your family."
"You guys are my family."
"I know. You can go though okay?"
"You're sure?"
"Yeah. Lance is fine. We're just waiting for an x-ray."
"Alright man. Call me if anything...well you know," Joey said
standing.
"I will," JC said managing a weak smile towards his friend.
Joey gave him a quick hug and went over to Lance for a second
before leaving.
JC sighed as he looked back over at Lance. What could have made him
act this way? Something must have caused it, but what?
"Hey," JC said sitting down next to Lance.
"Hi," Lance said.
"How's the arm?"
"Been better."
"The x-rays should be done soon."
Lance nodded.
"I'm sorry they didn't have any exam rooms left open. Busy day I
guess."
"Not your fault."
JC paused for a minute thinking about his words before he let them
spill out of his mouth.
"I know you don't want to talk about this anymore but I really want
you to talk to me Lance. What happened out there?"
Lance thought for a moment, almost believing that if he told JC the
truth everything would be okay. He came to his senses and just shook his
head.
"I don't know JC."
"Lance I-"
"Hey," Justin said cutting JC off as he walked towards them a
duffel bag slung over one shoulder and another bag in hand.
"Whoa you look like shit," Lance said looking up at him wide-eyed.
"I could say the same thing about you kid. How are you holding up?"
"Good. Waiting for x-rays," he said nodding to his arm.
"Hard weekend?" JC asked almost bursting with laughter.
Justin looked at him for a few seconds, "You could say that."
JC knew by the look in his friend's eyes that the vacation hadn't
been all it was cracked up to be.
"What happened?" he asked immediately.
"Don't worry about it. Why don't I go see what's taking so long
with those x-rays."
"Yeah you do that," JC said cryptically.
As Justin walked towards the nurse's station he would have bet
every cent of his wealth that his legs would give out before he reached the
counter. His head was spinning and his stomach was churning. He hated the
way he had left things with Craig and his body must have been responding
accordingly. He kept walking past the counter swarming with people in white
lab coats and green and red scrubs. He wasn't sure how many hospital rooms
he stumbled by before coming to a smaller less populated waiting room. He
collapsed into a large black leather chair, feeling like the luckiest man
in the world that he hadn't passed out. He hated to admit it to himself but
he needed Craig. He leaned forward and let his face slip into his hands. He
needed him badly.
***
He had no idea how long he was sitting there, an arm on each one of
his knees, his face buried in his hands. The tears had stopped rolling down
his cheeks long ago, he felt like he couldn't cry at all anymore, but
hiding his face in his hands was something he had done since he was a
child. It made him feel safe, like the world couldn't hurt him. A hand
reached out and touched his shoulder so lightly he had barely felt the
pressure.
Craig looked up and smiled at the frail man lying in the hospital
bed in front of him.
"How are you feeling?" he asked standing quickly.
"Sit down," Jeremy said simply.
Craig did so but took the man's slim hand in his own.
"You already know how I'm feeling Craig. You shouldn't have come,"
he said sliding his fingers out of the man's grasp.
"You're not going to do this," Craig said quietly. "Not
now. Please."
The older man looked into the bright green eyes that pleaded with
him. He reached his hand out and caressed Craig's soft cheek, relishing the
feel of the warmth that lived there.
Craig touched the hand that stroked his face and kissed it.
They sat there in silence just staring at each other for the
longest time. There really wasn't anything either of them could say at that
point. They had been so close over the last few years that they already
knew what the other was thinking.
A tear fell over the brim of Craig's eye and Jeremy smiled weakly
at him.
"Hey I don't want you crying anymore," he said softly his voice
cracking. "I don't want it to be like this."
Craig nodded as there was a small knock on the hospital door. Brian
pushed the door open slowly and smiled at the two men in front of him.
"I'm not interrupting am I?" he asked.
"No," Craig said smiling faintly at him.
Brian walked into the room the door making a soft swoosh behind him
and stood at the other side of the hospital bed.
"Long time no see old man," he said kissing Jeremy delicately on
both cheeks.
"You were just here yesterday Brian."
"Still," he said winking at the man.
Jeremy smiled; something that always made his entire face
brighten. The deep wrinkles along his mouth and forehead stretched giving
him the appearance of a lively man about half his age. Craig wished he had
been able to see the man smile more in the past few months. Fate had not
allowed it though.
"So tell me about this big trip to California," he said looking at
one boy and then the other.
Brian ran his hand down the back of his head, smoothing his short
red hair as he looked at Craig.
"Let's talk about something else," Craig said patting Jeremy's
slight thigh with one hand.
"I hear you're still giving the nurses hell down here," Brian said
pulling up a chair across from Craig.
"They keep wanting to poke me with needles and stuff pills down my
throat. I'm already going to die, why can't they just let me go in peace?"
"Their trying to keep you around another day big guy," Brian
said. "Let them do their job."
Craig marveled at how strong Brian was sometimes. Maybe marveled
was the wrong word. He was in complete and utter awe of how strong his best
friend was. Brian had been through so much in his short twenty-two years
that he developed a thick sort of shell protecting him from outside
forces. Even something like this, watching a dieing man practically give up
on life, didn't seem to faze him. He was so optimistic and witty that he
could probably get through anything that God or fate or whoever decided to
throw his way. Craig watched as Brian made Jeremy laugh and smile with
ease, glossing over the man's snide comments about death and obvious views
about his own mortality. He knew he could never in a thousand years be as
strong as Brian but he prayed that he had enough endurance to just get
through this. He figured that with Brian by his side anything was possible.
"How are you feeling today Mr. Walsh?" someone asked from the door
way.
"Like I'm fucking dieing, doc," Jeremy said.
"That is not what we like to hear," Dr. Martinelli said in his
thick Italian accent, glancing down at the chart he was holding in his
hands. "It looks like we are still waiting on one test from the lab. I will
run upstairs and hurry them along for you Mr. Walsh."
"Luca I've known you for years now. Please, call me Jeremy."
"Alright Jeremy," he said. "I will go get those results."
"Could I talk with you for a minute?" Jeremy asked.
"Sure," Dr. Martinelli said glancing at the on looking boys.
"We were just about to get some coffee anyway," Brian said
standing.
"We were?" Craig asked with one perfectly arched eyebrow raised.
"Yep," he said. "Come on Craig. We'll be back in a bit."
They walked out of the room; or rather Brian dragged Craig out of
the room.
"Why did you do that?" Craig asked speaking in a loud sort of
whisper right outside of the door.
"They obviously needed to talk alone. You know doctor patient
privacy and all."
"I guess," he said biting his bottom lip and looking at his long
time friend.
"Let's go get that coffee okay?" Brian asked running his hand down
Craig's arm.
The man nodded and crossed his arms over his chest.
"I know this is hard babe," Brian said placing his arm around
Craig's waist and pulling the man closer. "All we can do is hope for the
best."
"Or a miracle."
"Look I know you don't like thinking about this stuff anyway, but
you know I'm here for you...miracle or no miracle," he said laying his head
on Craig's shoulder.
"I know. Thank you," Craig said pulling an arm around the slightly
taller man.
Brian pulled him closer again and kissed the side of his
face. Craig laughed as the man's lips left his face.
"What's so funny?" Brian asked.
"Don't you remember? I don't drink coffee. It's bad for you."
"I'll buy you a pack of cigarettes then," he said pulling the man
away from the hospital door by the sleeve of his blue shirt.
***
"Yo Jay," JC said as Justin walked over to him. "Ready to get out
of here man?"
"Yeah. You guys are done?"
"All patched up," Lance said raising his arm.
"Whoa you must have really had one hell of a night," Justin said
looking at the brace around Lance's wrist.
"Yeah it was great."
"What kind of time are we looking at here?"
"About a month."
"Ouch. Sucks to be you," Justin said patting Lance on the back as
they walked out of the hospital.
"Where'd you park?" JC asked Justin.
"I didn't. I took a cab from the airport."
"Looks like you're with us then," Lance said.
"Where do you want me to drop you off?" JC asked.
"My house would be good," Justin said.
JC looked at him over the car, hand on the door handle.
"What?" he asked.
"Nothing."
The ride from the hospital was almost as quiet and awkward as the
ride there. Justin and Lance both stared out of their windows, most likely
longing to be somewhere else. JC had never felt so clueless in all his
life. No one wanted to just talk about stuff anymore. He remembered when
they first became friends how if anything was bothering them they let it
out. Maybe not by sitting down and having a quiet conversation but they had
their ways. Yelling and screaming weren't always good sources of
communication and sucker punching someone didn't have that great of an
affect on your relationship with them (although it did make you feel a
whole hell of a lot better at that particular time), but at least it was
something. Not that quiet, pull your hair out kind of silence that was
thick like maple syrup all around him in the car at the moment.
Once they had gotten to Justin's house JC still hadn't asked why
Justin didn't have his car, or why all of his bags were still with him, or
where Craig was...okay he hadn't asked any of the questions looming over his
head. He was sure he would just get some undecipherable look from Justin,
followed by a short answer that didn't really answer anything, followed by
that damn silence again, capped off by him staring back out of the window
like he hadn't seen those same streets ten thousand times before.
Justin gave Lance a small look of pity, which could be
characterized by some as a good-bye nod, and walked into the house with JC
on his heels.
"So tell me what's up," JC said carrying Justin's duffel bag up the
stairs behind the man.
"What do you mean?"
"The poutty looks, the far off glances, the uncharacteristic
silence, is Craig dead or something?"
JC was sure that the man wasn't dead but it almost would make sense
if he was.
"No he's not dead," Justin said throwing his other bag on the bed
along with his weary body.
"Then...?"
"We sort of broke up," he said covering his face with his hands and
rubbing his eyes.
"Seriously?" JC said sitting at the end of the bed.
"I don't know. I think he's cheating on me and I just haven't
talked to him about it yet so I guess we're in limbo or something."
"Who do you think it is?" JC asked. He was almost so not shocked by
Justin's admission that it scared him. He had that Justin is going to get
hurt feeling since he first saw them making out in the kitchen. He just
didn't think it would be this soon.
"Maybe a doctor," Justin said finally taking his hands away from
his face.
"A doctor? Where'd that come from?"
"Never mind it's a long story. I just need to talk to him that's
all."
"Not exactly the happiest of topics, though."
"Not even a little bit."
"Okay," JC said standing, "call me if you need anything. I have to
take our little daredevil home now."
"Alright," he said watching the man leave the large master bedroom.
Justin laid there for a few minutes not really knowing what to
do. He actually wasn't scheduled to be back in Orlando for two more
days. He decided to throw himself back into his work early tomorrow morning
with a visit to the studio and maybe an impromptu jam session with some of
his other band members. That is if they were up to it at all. But
today...today he had to talk to Craig.
***
"So can we go back now?" Craig asked stamping his cigarette out on
the cement.
"We've been gone what," Brian said looking at his watch, "three
minutes maybe? Give them some time."
"What do you think they're talking about?" Craig asked hopping up
on the red brick ledge that over looked the stairs to the front of the
hospital.
"How am I supposed to know?" Brian asked leaning against the ledge
next to him and blowing smoke into the cold air.
Craig shrugged and there was silence for a few minutes while Brian
took a long drag of his cigarette and blew smoke rings in front of his
face.
"Are you gonna tell me what's up now?" Brian asked flicking ashes
off of the white stick between his long fingers.
"What?" Craig asked.
Brian wasn't sure if he hadn't heard him or what, but the whole
runaround act Craig had been giving him since he picked the man up at the
airport was ridiculous. They had never had this kind of relationship
before. Brian guessed it would be impossible for him not to just say
exactly what was on his mind; especially to someone he loved so much and
had been so close to like Craig.
"You said you would tell me about the Justin situation later. It's
later."
"Yeah," Craig said looking out over the fields of purple, pink, and
white flowers that surrounded the curving cement path down to the parking
lot. He wondered why hospitals always had so many flowers encircling them,
even in winter. Sick people didn't get better because of flowers. He had
learned that the hard way after shelling out hundreds of dollars to keep
Jeremy's room florally adorned.
"So?" Brian pressed.
"So...I think we're probably broken up."
"Why? I thought you just came back because of Jeremy."
"No. Not just that."
"Then?"
"One of his band mates got hurt. He still doesn't know about
Jeremy."
"Okay so how is that grounds for dismissal?"
"I don't know. It's just the way he was acting. So distant when he
got back this morning."
"Back from where?"
"He didn't tell me. It was like he didn't even want to touch me or
hear my voice."
"Really?"
Craig nodded and turned his gaze from Brian's dark blue eyes back
to the sea of flowers.
"And nothing happened before then?"
"I was sleeping."
"Were you screaming my name out in your sleep again?" Brian asked
smiling up at the man.
Craig couldn't help but smile too, "No I wasn't perv."
"Just making sure because if that was the case, you know, I could
talk to him."
"Not necessary."
"Well then, I think he's just a screwed up son of a bitch that
prays on innocent models for his so called first gay experience."
Craig looked at him taking in the small upward curve of his full
lips and the freckles that covered his cheeks and nose and couldn't help
but smile again.
"I know what you're trying to do and it's not working B."
"Then why are you smiling beautiful?"
Craig rolled his eyes and then looked back down at the man.
"Do you think I should call him?"
"Nope. This is obviously his deal," he said flicking what was left
of his cigarette to the ground. "If he's even half the guy you think he is
he'll get in touch with you."
"Can we go back inside now?" Craig asked jumping off the ledge.
"Miss him already?"
"I just feel guilty."
"Wait," Brian said grabbing Craig's arm when the man kept
walking. "What?"
"I left him practically on his death bed to go off with some guy I
thought I loved."
"First of all Jeremy has been sick for a long time okay? You
leaving for three days didn't make him any sicker."
"It didn't help either."
"Craig you have to have a life too and Jeremy knows that," Brian
said touching the man's arm. "It's not your fault any of this happened."
Craig said nothing but looked down at the gray cold flooring
underneath his feet.
"Do you hear me?" Brian asked lifting the man's face with his
hand. "It's not anyone's fault."
Craig nodded as Brian wrapped his arms around the man.
"I don't know if I can do this," Craig whispered in his ear.
Brian ran his hand up and down the man's firm back, "Yes you
can. You're the strongest man I know."
"Oh please."
"Seriously," he said pulling back from Craig but keeping his arms
firmly around the man's waist. "I could have never watched Jeremy go
through all of this and keep a smile on my face the way you have."
"Yes you could have. You can do anything."
"Please Craig. You know me okay? Deep down inside under all of this
gorgeous body is someone who couldn't do anything if they didn't have
you. You think I'm strong? Well I might be but that's because I know you'll
always be there to catch me when I fall."
Craig smiled at him and kissed his lips softly. It wasn't anything
romantic to either one of them it was just a simple kiss that spoke volumes
in both of their hearts.
"Let's go inside," Craig said.
Brian smiled as they walked back into the hospital hand in hand.
***
Justin must have folded and refolded his clothes hundreds of times
before just giving in and grabbing his cell phone. Even if Craig didn't
want to talk to him or didn't have an explanation for everything Justin had
to try and get one out of the man. He owed it to himself and to their
relationship. He figured that he did have a tendency to blow things out of
proportion and that this could have very well been one of those times. So
what, Craig was a little secretive about some things. So was Justin at
certain times. And he had a gift that he always wore from some possible ex
lover. So what? Justin had a lot of clothes and jewelry that Britney bought
him that he hadn't thrown out when they broke up. None of it had her name
on it...but still.
He turned the small phone in his hand over and over again as he sat
back on the black leather couch in the living room. He still wasn't sure
exactly what he wanted to say or how to say it but he knew that it had to
be perfect. He couldn't sound like he was unsure of his words and he wanted
to make sure he could get everything out there in the least amount of
time. The worst thing he could foresee would be Craig saying he was indeed
cheating on him after an hour long explanation from Justin about why he was
acting so strangely. He had to make sure all of his thoughts were in
order. After that he would make the call.
***
Craig and Brian were still in Jeremy's room waiting on the last
test two hours later. Jeremy had fallen asleep a while ago leaving the boys
to fend for themselves while he slept.
"He's so peaceful isn't he?" Brian whispered.
"Yeah," Craig said watching Jeremy's weak breathing as his chest
rose and fell. He wondered why he hadn't thought about asking Dr. Martin to
give Jeremy a sedative before then. The man hadn't been sleeping well,
which ultimately could worsen his condition. His immune system was already
as weak as it could get. On top of insomnia they could pretty much kiss him
goodbye right now.
At the moment as they sat their, Brian holding Craig's hand lightly
in his lap, the small reassuring beeps of the heart monitor going off
steadily, he could almost hope that Jeremy would pull out of this. Granted
it had never been this bad before but they had been in similar situations
for the past few years. The doctors would eventually pump him full of the
right kind of drug and he'd start looking better and feeling better and
complaining like his normal self again. It had to happen that way. That was
the only scenario that Craig had played out in his head that had left him
exiting the hospital with Jeremy almost as good as new by his side. This
just couldn't be how it ended. All those years of drug therapy and nightly
IV injections and then nothing. He just dies? Just goes away forever and
never comes back? No bells, no whistles, no nothing. Just silence.
Craig felt Brian's hand grasp tighter around his. He figured he had
gone pale or just had that far off stare that he got so often recently. He
looked at the man giving him a somewhat reassuring glance when it
happened. Jeremy's eyes popped open and he started to shake violently. The
metal bed frame rattled fiercely, the nuts and bolts holding it together
almost screaming out as if they soon might have to give under the
pressure. There was a blur of tubes and wires shaking around him as Craig
grabbed Jeremy's hand. The machines that had always been Craig's assurance
that everything would be all right with their steady beeps and sturdy lines
were now beeping wildly and were adorned with highly spiked bright green
mountainous lines where small hills used to live.
Brian left the room immediately yelling for a doctor as Craig
clutched Jeremy's shaking pale hand.
"Don't leave me," he whispered through a cloud of tears stinging
his eyes.
There was a rush in the room as white coats crowded around the
small man pushing Craig aside.
"What happened?" a nurse asked.
"He just started shaking," Brian said wrapping his arms around
Craig who seemed steadier then he thought he might be.
White lab coats and colorful uniforms filled the area around the
bed shouting out orders and calls for medicine that Craig had heard before
but still wasn't sure what they were.
"Where's Dr. Martin?" Craig asked taking a seat away from the bed.
"A nurse paged him. He'll be here," Brian said with an arm still
around the man.
After a few injections of something into his IV Jeremy stopped
shaking and laid there lifeless. It wasn't as much of a relief as Craig
thought it would be. At least when he was shaking he was still definitely
alive.
"Is he okay?" Craig asked.
One of the white coats turned around.
"He's suffered from a seizure which in turn caused him to have a
mild heart attack. We need your permission to perform surgery to repair the
stress to his heart and he needs to be put on a breathing machine so he
doesn't have a loss of oxygen to his brain."
"Um...yeah, do whatever you can...please," he said.
"What happened?" Dr. Martin asked rushing into the room.
The same white coat ran down what happened to Jeremy but in more
technical medical jargon for him.
"No," Dr. Martin said simply.
"Excuse me?" the white coat asked.
"He is a DNR and does not wish to have any more done to him."
"What's a DNR?" Craig asked standing.
"A do not resuscitate."
"He doesn't want to live?" Craig asked collapsing back into the
chair.
"It is not that," Dr. Martin said kneeling in front of the man whom
seemed to be getting younger and smaller as time went by. "He just does not
want any more treatments. Honestly Craig there is nothing more we can do
for him anyway but give him medication to add days onto his life. Only
days."
Craig nodded, "That's what he talked to you about today?"
"Yes."
"I don't want that. Do what ever you can. Do the
operation. Please," Craig said his watery eyes pleading with the man.
"I can not," Dr. Martin said. "He signed something. It is not your
decision anymore."
Craig looked at the older man's face with tears streaming down his
own and then up to Brian, who had all of a sudden felt extremely helpless.
Dr. Martin squeezed Craig's shoulder and stood, taking charge of
the room still teaming with people. He checked on his patient once everyone
but Craig, Brian, and a nurse were gone.
"Craig?" he said.
The man had been looking down at his shoes since he found out it
was hopeless but met Dr. Martin's eyes when he heard his name.
"At this point I do not know if he will wake up again. There was a
lot of stress put on his heart and breathing has become slightly
erratic. It shouldn't be long now until..." he said trailing off. "We will
make him as comfortable as possible though."
Craig nodded. That seemed to be all he could do at the moment.
The doctor left leaving the nurse behind to watch over the patient
as Brian looked down at Craig. He sat down next to him and ran a firm hand
over his back and shoulders. Craig sighed wiping the tears away.
"Nothing we can do now," he said standing and walking over to the
bed.
Jeremy's eyes were still closed and he looked almost peaceful the
way he was laying there, one arm on either side of himself palms down, a
serene if not slack look to his mouth, the wrinkles in his forehead and at
the corners of his eyes were smooth giving him a relaxed appearance. But
Craig knew the end was near. Too near for him. He placed his lips over the
man's thin pale pink ones and then on his cool clammy forehead.
"I love you," he said taking the man's hand and sitting next to him
on the bed. "I always will."
He kissed his hand and stared at the once soft face that was all
bones and sharp edges now. He willed the man to open up his beautiful green
eyes one last time but he did not. The heart monitor started to buzz a long
flat sound as Jeremy slipped farther away from Craig and into the
unknown. The green spikes flattened out as well and a single tear dropped
from Craig's face down to the hand he was still holding.
***
"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" JC asked.
"Yes I will," Lance said for the third time.
"You don't want to stay with me for a few days or maybe I could
stay here?"
"No. I'm good," he said again.
They had been standing near the front door for the better part of
ten minutes. All Lance wanted to do was go upstairs and take a long hot
shower to try to forget about how stupid he always acted. JC didn't seem to
want to let him go so easily though.
"You're sure?"
"Josh. Get out of here. I'm sure you have more important things to
do."
Or maybe people, Lance thought.
"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked frowning deeply.
"Nothing. I just want to go lay down okay?"
"Fine," he said taking a few steps towards the closed front
door. "I'll call you in a few hours?"
"Yeah."
JC stood there for a moment looking at his friend almost trying to
read his thoughts and then left with a wave of his hand.
Finally alone, Lance closed the door and breathed a sigh of
relief. He was sure his feelings about JC would go away sooner then
later. After all, how could you be in love with someone who would fuck
someone like Wade? He tried to keep thinking about last night when he heard
them in the bathroom stall together. If he kept reliving the horror maybe
his feelings would go away. Honestly he would rather not be in love at
all. Work was pretty hectic and he liked concentrating on his music and
business. Plus, they would never work out. They were great as friends but
besides music they had little in common. Hopefully Lance's heart would
figure out what his head was already well aware of. JC and him were just
not meant to be.
***
Brian was still sitting in the chair across from where Craig was
holding Jeremy's hand when Dr. Martin walked in. He stood quietly just
inside the room looking at the scene before him and then down at his highly
polished black wing tips. Brian watched as the doctor finally walked over
to Craig and while running a hand over his back whispered something in his
ear. Craig nodded and the doctor left with a parting glance in Brian's
general direction.
The nurse who had turned off the buzzing equipment had left the
room a while ago to page Dr. Martin so Brian took her place by the bed. He
looked down at the man who only appeared to be sleeping, that same peaceful
look Brian had commented on less then an hour ago was now permanently
imprinted on his face.
"I wasn't ready to let him go yet," Craig said without looking up.
He hadn't taken his eyes off of the man since the machines signaled
his passing.
"I know," Brian finally said. He wiped at his eyes quickly catching
the tears just as they fell onto his cheeks.
"Dr. Martin said that I have to sign some papers and they need to
move him soon."
Brian nodded then realized Craig couldn't see it.
"Okay. Is there anything I can do?"
"Stay with him while I go get the papers. I don't want him to be
alone yet."
"Okay," he said watching Craig give Jeremy's lifeless hand a small
kiss then release it.
He finally met Brian's gaze, "Thank you."
Brian nodded and Craig left the room as he took a seat near the
bed. He stared at the man in front of him. The man that had made him laugh
so many times in the past. The man that his best friend loved and cared for
so deeply.
"I remember when I first met you," he said running his hand along
the man's slender arm and down to his hand where he took hold of it. "You
asked me to take care of Craig for you. I thought it was a weird thing to
ask seeing as you hadn't met me in the five years I had been friends with
him. You said that you hadn't been there for him as much as you should have
been and that you had given up your right to look after him. It was so
weird. I remember standing there with my hand still outstretched from when
I introduced myself and you just started blurting all of this stuff
out. You told me that I had been a better friend to him then you could ever
be. But Jeremy... you were wrong. God were you so wrong. You meant so much
to him. You still do. More then I guess you'll ever know. It doesn't matter
to Craig that you weren't around when he needed you the most he just...well
he was just so happy to have you back in his life even for a short
time. But I just want you to know," he said with a tear running down his
freckled cheek, "I'll always take care of him. I'll always make sure he
remembers how much you loved him. I promise," he said kissing the man's
forehead lightly.
He sat back down still holding the man's hand and let his tears
flow freely until Craig returned.
"I think everything's in order now," Craig said hugging Brian
tightly.
Brian nodded.
"They have to move him...um...I don't really know what to do now," he
said.
"We'll just take small steps okay? Right now we go home then
tomorrow I'll start making arrangements."
"I don't want to go home," Craig said urging himself not to cry. He
just didn't feel like being weak anymore. Not there at the hospital in
front of strangers at least.
"You can stay at my place."
"I want to stay at Jeremy's," he said glancing down at the man
still lying on the bed.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. I need to be as near him as possible and that's where he
spent most of his time."
"Okay. Let's go get some clothes and stuff from your place."
Craig shook his head and then cleared his throat, "Will you just go
do that and drop me off there?"
Brian looked at him for a long moment, not really knowing whether
to press the issue or just let the man have some time alone.
"Alright," he finally said. "I'll take you to Jeremy's."
After Brian had dropped Craig off at Jeremy's house like he
promised he found himself packing up clothes and wondering what he would
find when he returned to the huge house. Would Craig be curled up in the
fetal position on Jeremy's bed having cried his eyes out for the past hour?
When he left Craig had seemed alright, not 100% by any means but not
exactly the puddle of mush Brian thought he would turn into. He guessed
that either Craig was honestly okay with what happened and had prepared for
it for so long that when it came to pass he was ready or it just hadn't
sunk in yet. Brian was leaning more towards the latter of the two when
there was a knock at the front door which honestly made him almost jump out
of his skin. He had been quite in deep thought.
"Yeah?" he said squinting at the dark form in the doorway. The
light right outside of the apartment still wasn't fixed and it was almost
completely pitch black outside.
"Hi. Brandon right?"
"No...who are you?"
The mystery man stepped closer, the light from the living room
cascading over him.
"Justin," he said after Brian said nothing to him. "We met once."
"Yeah," he said looking into the man's bright blue eyes that
sparkled slightly in the light. He always wished that his eyes were that
ocean blue, the kind of color that Crayola had a hard time making just
right. But alas, they were a much darker navy blue.
"Is Craig around at all?"
"No," he said slowly.
"Do you know when he'll be back?"
"No."
"Is there anyway I can reach him? I've been calling his cell phone
and he isn't answering."
"No."
"Can you say anything besides no?" Justin asked smiling despite the
fact he was getting extremely annoyed with the man standing in front of
him. He finally realized what the phrase "cock blocking" meant, though.
"Yes I can Justin. Craig isn't really up to seeing visitors right
now. But I can tell him you stopped by."
"Is something wrong? He seemed kind of weird this morning."
"You mean when you abandoned him at the airport?"
"I didn't abandon him."
"Oh okay...leaving him stranded somewhere...oh yeah that's not
abandoning," he said crossing his arms across his chest, more because of
the cold air of the outdoors then because he was angry at Justin.
"He said that you were going to pick him up and not to worry. I'm
sorry that my friend was in a car accident and I needed to make sure he was
okay though," he said not smiling anymore.
"I heard that he was doing just fine."
"He is now."
"Well that's great Justin. I'm real happy that you're friend didn't
die today."
Before Brian could stop himself the words had already slipped out
of his mouth. He looked down at his feet for a second, arms still crossed,
trying to clear his eyes of tears.
"Are you okay?"
"Fine," he said looking back up.
"Did something happen to Craig? Please tell me."
"He's not physically hurt."
"Then what?"
He stood there looking into those damn blue eyes again and bit his
bottom lip. Craig couldn't kill and disown him forever just for telling
Justin what happened...or could he?
"Craig should tell you."
"He never talks to me about certain things. That's part of our
problems. He's just so closed up for some reason. I don't even know if he
cares about me."
"You're an idiot," Brian said.
"Excuse me?"
"He loves you more then everything in the world."
"He has a strange way of showing it sometimes."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I really don't want to argue with you about this. I just want to
talk to Craig okay?"
"Fair enough. I'll tell him you stopped by."
"Thanks," he said turning away. "Oh wait. Do you know a Jeremy?"
Brian stared at him for a moment not sure why he was asking him
that.
"I did."
"Were he and Craig...together?"
"Why? How do you know him?"
"I don't. I just saw his name somewhere. So were they?"
Brian took a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak but nothing
came out.
"They were together huh? Is he cheating on me with him? You have to
tell me."
"No," Brian blurted out tears running down his cheeks. "Jeremy is
dead. They weren't lovers...he was Craig's father."
To be continued...
**Sorry this chapter took so long. It was a little hard to write and I've
been swamped at school and work. Email me at Swimfan_777@yahoo.com with any
comments or criticisms.**