Date: Sun, 25 Jun 2000 23:22:32 -0400
From: Bryan Murphy <bmurphy@quik.com>
Subject: My Big Break #6 (Boybands)

Disclaimer: Don't read this if your not supposed to. This story
doesn't mean to imply anything about the real life people
described herein.

Notes are at the end.

+++++++++++++

My REALLY, REALLY Big Break (Damn, I'm a Lucky Bastard)
Part 6 - Snowed In

+++++++++++++
The end of the last chapter...

     "Can you forgive me?" Lance asked.
     "Only if you forgive me," I responded
     "Done," he said.
     "Wanna kiss and makeup?" I asked grinning.
     He didn't answer, he just took a quick glance around
the room, to make sure there wasn't anyone there we didn't
know, then leaned in and kissed me. At first it started out as a
light makeup kiss, but then it started getting heavier. And we
started sinking. But neither of us broke the kiss or made any
attempt to stop us from submerging. So we kept on kissing
until we needed air, and had to resurface.
     When we came up everyone was laughing at us. I
pulled away from Lance a little and said,
     "There's only one other thing..."
     "What?"
     "This!" I said as I dunked him under the water.  He
came up a few seconds later and I was off.
     "Bastard!" he yelled as he tried to catch up to me, but I
had too much of a lead on him. I got to the wall and thought I
was safe. That was until Joey appeared to my right, Chris to
my left, and Lance in front of me. Despite my vice-like grip on
the wall, they managed to pull me off of it and dunked me.
That just started a big dunking war as everyone was dunking
everyone else. At first it started as an 'N Sync -vs- Nick Mason
and crew thing, but it didn't take too long to turn into a free-
for-all. I made it a point to get JC and Alex a few times, to
make up for earlier.
     After a while, we decided to call it a truce and get out
of the pool. We had a concert tonight, and we had to get to the
arena to finish up some stuff.
     The concert when well as they usually do, and
afterwards we were off to another city again. This was getting
old. But at least the tour was about to go on break for a little
while.

++++++++++++++++++
Part 6 Starts Now...
++++++++++++++++++

     Another week, another four concerts in four different
cities. Tiring is a word that comes to mind. But anyway, 'N
Sync has an appearance to make at MTV's Snowed In, so the
tour is going on break for about a week and a half. They're
leaving tonight. They're getting back on the bus, which will
drive them to Big Bear Lake, Cali. As for me and my dancers,
we're flying back to LA tomorrow morning so that they can get
a week off, and I can begin to prepare for my next album.
     Lance and I are fine. After our little "thing," we made
up in front of the guys, then made up again later on without
them. That was fun. Nothing too heavy, just a lot of kissing
and a fair amount of fondling, but we stopped before I got
uncomfortable.
	So he's leaving. For a little over a week. We can handle that.
It's no biggie. I hope. Although it's only been a short time, I
feel very strongly for him. It's not love - not yet, anyway. I'm
very picky about who I use that word with. He hasn't said "I
love you" to me yet either. I'm thankful for that. You know,
when one person in the relationship says it, there is a certain
amount of pressure for the other to say it as well. I'm not
ready to say it, so I won't, but I also don't want to hurt him by
not saying it back. But, like I said, I haven't faced that - yet.
     "Nick?" someone said.
     "Huh?" was my intelligent reply.
     "You okay?" Lance asked concerned.
     "Yeah, I'm fine, I was just thinking."
     "Oh, okay, anything important?"
     "Nah, just zoning."
     "Cool, well, look, we have to leave in a couple of hours,
so you wanna go out a grab a bite?"
     "Sure, where do you wanna go?"
     "The concierge told me about this little restaurant down
the street - nothing really fancy, but it is supposed to be quiet,
and I'm told the food is very good."
     "Sounds good, when do you wanna go?"
     "How about in like a half hour? I wanna take a shower
first."
     "Okay. You go grab a shower and I'll get changed. I'm
gonna head over to JC's to get a chance to say bye, so come
and get me when you're ready."

     I changed and headed over to JC's room where pretty
much everyone else was. We chatted about their week at
Snowed In and how many times they were gonna face-plant
while snowboarding. Lance appeared at the doorway right on
time. I told the guys that, just in case I didn't see them later
to have a good time, and not get hurt, cause an opening act is
pretty useless without the headliners. JC and Helmet both
threw pillows at me for that one   both hit Lance, who wasn't
paying as much attention as I was.
     After the pillows were 'returned' to their owners, Lance
and I headed out to dinner. The ride down to the lobby was
pretty much silent. Neither of us felt the need to talk, we were
just comfortable being with each other. We walked down the
street to the restaurant - it was a nice evening, and the
restaurant wasn't but a few blocks away.
     When we got there, Lance gave the maitre'd his name
and we were seated immediately at a secluded little table in
the back. We thanked him and he left.
     "This is a nice little place." I commented as I looked
around.
     "Yes, it is." Lance agreed as the waiter approached our
table.
     "Can I start you gentlemen off with something to
drink?" He asked.
     "Yes, can we get a bottle of Chardonnay?" Lance asked.
     "Sure. I'll give you a chance to look over the menu
while I get you your drinks."
     "Thank you." Lance said as the waiter made his exit.
     There was an easy silence as we took a moment to look
over the menu. Lance put his menu down a minute later.
     "What are you getting?" I asked still looking over my
menu.
     "The Chicken Alfredo."
     "Oh, not the Chicken Caesar Salad?"
     "Nah, not tonight. How about you?"
     "Not sure, yet. I'm trying to decide between the
Manicotti and the Lasagna."
     "Aren't they pretty much the same thing?" He giggled.
     "Kinda, I guess."
     The waiter came back with the wine and asked us if we
were ready. I said we were and Lance gave his order. I decided
on the Manicotti. And the waiter made his exit again to put the
order in.
     "So, I guess I'm sleeping alone tonight..." I sighed.
     "You better be!" Lance laughed.
     "And what about you?"
     "I'm gonna shack up with Justin." He said straight-
faced.
     "Oh really?"
     "Yup."
     "Boy, Justin really gets around in your group doesn't
he?"
     "What?" Lance asked confused.
     "Well, the other night he was gonna go out with JC."
     "Huh? What are you talking about?"
     "He told me the other day that he and JC had a date.
Apparently he pulled out at the last minute."
     "Is that so?"
     "Yup, so do you think he's gay?"
     "No."
     "But what do you know, you didn't believe that I was
gay either." I said with a dismissive gesture.
     "Hey! You told me you weren't - what was I supposed
to believe. Even some straight guys come off feminine."
     "What!?" I said almost choking on my wine, "Are you
calling me feminine?"
     "We'll you are a little."
     "Excuse me, pansy-ass, have you ever seen yourself on
TV?" I laughed, "You couldn't write 'GAY' any bigger on your
forehead."
     "I do not come off gay on TV," he said shortly.
     "The hell you don't - did you see yourself on Rosie
singing that song from Grease?! My God, if your fans didn't
know you were gay before, they sure did after."
     "Whatever. Can we just drop it."
     "Fine."
     There was now an uneasy silence. What was only
meant as a little fun poking, turned ugly pretty quickly, didn't
it? He didn't really look at me, and I didn't really look at him.
Finally the silence and the realization that we were not going
to see each other for a little while after this got to me.
     "I'm sorry, I didn't mean the things I said," I said
quietly.
     "I know, and I sorry, too." We looked at each other and
smiled.
     "So, what are you going to do without me for the next
week and a half?"
     "I don't know <sigh> who will I get into these stupid
little arguments with?"
     "Well, I promise to call, and we can have stupid little
arguments over the phone."
     "And I'll call too, so you don't have to be the only one
starting the stupid arguments."
     "Deal." I said laughing a little.
     "I am gonna miss you."
     "Me too." We just stared at each other in silence for a
few minutes until we were so rudely interrupted by our waiter
bring us our dinner. We thanked him and he went away again.
And we started eating in silence, stealing glances at each other
the whole time.
     Before I knew it, we were saying goodbye. It seemed
like in the flash of an instant, we had gone from eating a
delicious meal, to the hotel, and finally, to the bus.
     I hugged each of the guys and said bye before coming
to Lance. I hugged him tightly and we rocked back and forth a
little before Chris broke into our world with a "Get a room"
comment.
     I got off the bus and watched as it pulled away. Once it
had turned the corner, I sighed and walked back into the hotel
to pack.

     Our flight back to LA was uneventful. I sat in my seat
staring out the window for most of it, thinking about Lance.
Once we landed, I said bye to my crew, after making plans for
dinner tomorrow with them, and we went our separate ways.
     I got back to my apartment and went immediately to
bed. I was tired, but I had trouble sleeping. Lance wasn't there
and that made it less than comfortable.
     The next week was a blur of boredom. Boring meetings
that seemed to go of forever. I decided that I was in hell
midway through the first one. I didn't know when or how I
died, but I did, and I went straight to hell, a.k.a. "Planning
Sessions." I was hoping that I would at least get into the
studio a little that week. But it wasn't meant to be.
     The only good side of the meetings I could find were
the long daydreaming sessions that I found myself having. I
got a chance to really think about things, while not paying
attention to the senior-V.P. of Something or other talk about
nothing interesting - and from what I did pay attention to,
nothing that even remotely had anything to do with me. Some
of my thoughts during those meetings were along the lines of
'Why am I here for this? This has nothing to do with me, I
don't even think they realize I'm in the room.' I had actually
contemplated jumping up and screaming some obscenities,
just to see what reaction I would get - but I never did.
     One of the things I found myself thinking about a lot
during the meetings was the rape, and how I thought I was
doing. At the beginning of the week, I thought that I wasn't
doing very well. But after contemplating it for the week, I
decided that I was indeed alright, and it was time to
consummate my relationship with Lance - though I didn't tell
him that when we talked, I'd tell him that when we were back
together. At some point I decided that telling him was out -
showing him was in. I decided that since I'd get to the hotel
before Lance and the guys, that I'd set everything up for that
night.
     The only saving grace through the week were my
conversations with Lance, but even they stopped. They
stopped on Wednesday. I called him on Thursday, but he
didn't get back to me. But it was okay, I guess. I just figured
he was busy, and couldn't get back to me. Oh well, I was going
to see him in a couple of days anyway. I had called and left
messages each day, but like the one on Thursday, I didn't hear
back from him. I almost considered calling one of the other
guys, just to make sure everything was okay, but then I
figured I was just being silly. If something bad had happened I
would have found out by now.
     So I called each day, and let him know I was okay, and
I missed him, and that I'd see him on Monday, when we were
scheduled to meet up again for the tour.

     So Monday came, and my dancers and I got on a plane
to go back on tour. We got to our hotel a few hours before 'N
Sync, as scheduled. Everybody was in my room hanging out
and planning on what to do that night. Right on time, there
was a knock on the door, and Chris yelling "Room Service"
through it.
     Being the smart ass that I am, I responded, also yelling
through the door, "We didn't order any room service, try the
next room down!"
     There was a pause. Then another knock. This time Joey
yelled, "Telegram!"
     I yelled back, "Who sends those anymore?!"
     Then I heard yet another voice - Helmet's - yelling,
"Just open the fucking door!"
     So I did, with the response, "Boy, someone doesn't
travel well."
     "Tell us about it!" was JC's response as he walked by
me into my room. The rest of the guys followed him, Lance
taking up the rear.
     "Hi sweetie!" I said as he came up to me.
     "Hi, how are you?"
     "Much better now," I said as I went in to kiss him. We
stood there kissing for a minute or two, while everyone else
was greeting each other and trying desperately to ignore us.
Finally, Alex spoke up,
     "UGH, ENOUGH ALREADY! We get the point, you're
happy to see each other!" We broke apart smiling. I had other
thoughts on my mind, and I really didn't want to waste any
time getting to them.
     "Hi guys - how was your week - good - can you guys go
somewhere else now?" I said rapidly then resumed kissing
Lance. We were kissing and I started to kiss my way to his
earlobe when I noticed that no one really moved any. I paused
long enough to say, "There's the door" and half-heartedly
pointed to the door. I closed my eyes and began nibbling on
Lance's ear, but, after a few seconds of not hearing the door,
or anything for that matter, I opened them again. "No offense,
folks, but get out. James and I have something to do, and I'd
rather not do it with you all in the room." Then I noticed that
my crew started for the door, but stopped seeing that Chris,
Joey, JC, and Helmet hadn't moved. Then I saw the look on
JC's face. "What?" I asked him.
     "Um, Lance has something he needs to tell you..." he
mumbled.
     I pulled away from Lance a little, so I could look into his
eyes, "What do you need to tell me?" I asked. I just caught
the tail end of a very nasty look that he gave JC when he
turned back to me.
     He looked into my eyes for a moment, then looked
away. He kept glancing up into my eyes then away. I knew
something was wrong, but I had no idea what it was.
     Then it hit me. It was just a hunch, but with the way he
was acting now, and the lack of phone calls over the past few
days. I was pretty sure of what was going on.
     "James?" No response. "James, look at me." He again
glanced up, but then away. That's when I became sure. I
pulled away from him, letting go of him completely. My eyes
began to water, "Please, tell me you didn't do what I think."
Nothing.
     I looked at him, hoping beyond all hope that he was
going to say that his mom was in the hospital, that an old
friend passed away, hell, that his favorite Goldfish died,
something, anything, but what I was thinking. And still he said
nothing.
     Finally I had had enough of his silence. "Tell me you
didn't," I pleaded, then after a moment of silence, I continued,
"Tell me you did - Tell me something, ANYTHING!" I practically
yelled.
     I took his silence as an admission, and that's when I
realized we weren't alone. Everyone had just seen that little
display, and it was time for them to leave. The show was over,
and it was really time for them to leave.
     Still looking at Lance, I said harshly, "Get out."
Everyone moved a little, but not much, "EVERYONE GET OUT."
I said, that got them moving, including Lance. "Not you." I
said to him, while I grabbed onto his arm.
     Once everyone had left, I looked at Lance, and pulled
him to the couple of chairs in the room. He took one, and I
took another, facing him. He was still looking down at the
carpet, so I decided I'd be blunt.
     "You slept with someone Tuesday night or Wednesday,
didn't you?" I asked rather calmly. I think that surprised him a
little.
     He nodded in the affirmative a little, still looking
towards the floor.
     "What happened?"
     He looked up at me, I think a little surprised at the
question, and to gauge how serious I was about an answer. I
was dead serious - I wanted an answer.
     "You really want to hear this?" he asked.
     "Yes. I wanna know what happened."
     "Well, the guys and I went out to a club on Wednesday
night, I got pretty blitzed." He paused, and took a breath. "I
was dancing around and having a good time, same as the
others, when this guy came up to me. He didn't seem to know
who I was, or at least didn't care. And we talked for a while.
When the club closed, I invited him back to the hotel, to
continue our conversation." He paused again, and again looked
at me to see if I wanted to hear this.
     "So we got up to my room. And we talked for a while. I
was tired and so was he, so I asked him if he wanted to spend
the night, on the other bed." Again, he looked at me and
waited for a reaction. Seeing none, he continued.
     "So I got undressed, and he did the same. We both got
into bed and I started to go to sleep. Then I felt the bed move,
and I knew he was in it with me. I rolled over to ask him what
he was doing, but he kissed me before I could, and I... I..." he
stopped and looked down again.
     "You enjoyed it so you kissed back." I said after a few
moments.
     He nodded.
     "And you and he got down and dirty." I said, again
going for bluntness.
     He nodded again, and at least had the decency to shed
a few tears.
     "You do know what this means for us, don't you?" I said
calmly.
     "No, please, it won't happen again, please, I love you."
     "DON'T YOU DARE!" I yelled at him as I got up and
walked across the room. "Don't you even say that to me."
     He got up and came over to me, putting his hand on
my arm.
     "Nick, please, don't do this."
     "Don't touch me," I growled, "You lost the right to touch
me when you fucked another guy."
     He cringed and took his hand away.
     "Please, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. It just happened. I
was drunk, and I wasn't thinking clearly. Please don't do this."
He rambled on. Truthfully, I zoned him out after the 'I was
drunk' part. That always bothered me - that excuse. I've been
drunk, but I've always managed to keep it in my pants, or at
least had the decency to sleep with my boyfriend.
     "We're over, Lance."
     "NO! Please it won't happen again. I promise."
     "You just said the absolute worst things you could've
said. Lance, " He noticed I had switched from James to Lance,
"I used to be in a relationship where I was cheated on. When I
was cheated on the first time, he told me he loved me, and I
thought I loved him. He told me he wouldn't do it again. He
promised. I believed him - why shouldn't I have, I loved him,
and he loved me - it was just a stupid mistake. It wouldn't
happen again.
     "Then when it did, he told me the same things again.
Only this time he loved me, and he promised, but also that he
would change. And again, I stayed with him. And he did it
again, and again, until I finally woke up and said to myself,
'What the hell are you still doing here?' I left him and
promised myself that I would never let myself be in a
relationship like that again. You knew from the beginning that
I didn't - wouldn't - tolerate cheating. I'm sorry, but I think it's
better if you leave."
     His shoulders slumped down, he knew he wasn't going
to win this one. So, he turned and slowly made his way to the
door. He glanced back once, I guess to make sure that I
wasn't going to change my mind, then he left. And I broke
down.


++++++++++++++++++

To be continued...

The end is near children. I think that there is only going to be
one more chapter. There may be more, I don't know yet, it'll
just depend how long it takes me to get where I've decided to
end it.

I'm sorry for the length of time it took to get this part out, and
that it's so short, but the story has taken on a life of its own,
and I don't particularly like the direction it's gone, so I'm
having a very difficult time writing it.

Thanks to anyone who is still reading!

E-mail me if you liked it or didn't or whatever!
Writermurf@hotmail.com or bmurphy@quik.com - I don't care
which you use.

Till next time...