Date: Mon, 16 Jun 2003 22:35:01 -0700 (PDT)
From: slpwriter <slpwriter@yahoo.com>
Subject: Nick Lachey: My Everything-51

Hey guys, I'm back!

I'm writing again, but don't expect the chapters to be
out soon. I've reached a very difficult area in the
story and in order to keep it going, I need to make
sure that it makes sense this time around.

 Now on with the story.


First of all, let me just say that this is my first
time writing any kind of fiction like this.

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of total fiction and is not
meant to imply anything about the sexualities of Nick
and Drew Lachey or anyone else mentioned in this
story.

If you are too young to read this, or if Homosexuality
offends you, then please don't continue any further
and leave.

NEWSFLASH: To those of you who don't already know,
Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, in real life, have
reconciled and are now husband and wife. I wish them
all the best with their marriage and hope they live a
long and happy life together.

If you want details about their wedding, check out the
98 Degrees Official Website at www.98degrees.com.


Other 98 Degrees stories I'd like to recommend are.

"Give Me Just One Night" by Unanoche.
"69 with Jeff Timmons" by Zachary Scott Pritt
"Nick Lachey" by Ken.
"98 Degrees Is Hot" by Gay Night
"The Reunion" by RinSong.
"Loving Nick Lachey" by Jordan
"Playing Doctor with 98 Degrees" by Brian

and finally:
"This Gift" by Sprout



Now, I"ll let you get on with the story.

Enjoy.


Previously on "My Everything".....


Drew wrapped his arms around me again and held me
close. It felt good to be in loving arms again.

"Drew, when are you guys supposed to leave today?" I
asked him, knowing that today was the last day I would
get to see the guys.

He pulled back to look me in the face. When I saw his
face, I noticed the sad look in his eyes.

"We have to leave for the airport at noon." He said.
"Our flight departs at 2:00."

I felt sad that he had to leave, but I knew that I'd
get to see him again soon.

"Well, let's not think about my leaving right now."
Drew said, suddenly. "Right now, I want to enjoy as
much time with you as I can before we have to leave."

He looked up at me and I knew what he wanted. I could
see it in his eyes.

"I want you inside of me this time." Drew said. "I
want you to make love to me."

"I would like nothing better than to spend our last
few hours making love to you."

"Cool." Drew said. "Then we can work up an apetite for
some breakfast after we're finished."

"Sure." I said. "Besides, I'll probably need it more
than you since you'll most likely wear me out after
I'm done with you."

Drew's face lit up and a wide grin crossed his face.

"Well in that case, let's get started, sexy boy." He
said, pulling me down on top of him.

It didn't matter to me that Drew had to leave. I knew
that I would be seeing him again soon. As I made love
to him, I knew that I'd found happiness once again.

And this time, I was back to stay.

*******************************************************
BACK IN NICK'S ROOM....................

Nick stood in front of the mirror in his room getting
dressed, while looking at himself in the mirror. He
noticed the tears that were still running down his
face.

"Have I done the wrong thing?" He said to himself.
"Will Sean ever reconsider?"

After a slight silence, a question came out of his
mouth, surprising him.


"Will I ever be free of him...................?


**********
CHAPTER 51
**********

Drew and I were getting dressed since it was time for
the guys to head to the airport. I wasn't sure what to
say after we made love.

As I was getting dressed, I suddenly realized that I
was starting to have regrets about what Drew and I had
done. It was wonderful, don't get me wrong, but I was
wondering if I was perhaps jumping back into a
relationship too early.

"Drew?" I suddenly asked.

"What is it, sweetie?" Drew asked, looking up to meet
my gaze.

I finished putting on my jeans and sat down to put on
my shoes.

"Are you sure you are ok with what we just did?" I
asked him.

Drew just looked at me, confusion evident on his face.

"Yes I am, Sean." Drew said. "It was incredible. I
haven't felt this good in such a long time.

I nodded, knowing how he felt.

"Drew, It was incredible for me too, I started to say.

"Why do I sense a "but" coming?" Drew asked, his
facial expression starting to turn to hurt.

"Even after two years, you still know me pretty well."
I said, seriously. "Ok, here's where the "but" comes
in: Don't you think we're moving a little too fast
here?"

"What do you mean? Drew asked, hurt obvious in his
voice now. "Are you trying to tell me that you regret
making love to me?"

I stood up and stepped over to Drew and put my hands
on his muscled arms, rubbing them up and down, gently.

"Not exactly, Drew." I said. "I'm glad we did what we
did. I just feel like we jumped into it a little too
soon. Especially since I just said that I wanted to
give our friendship a try again. I didn't expect for
us to make love. I'm not in love with you, Drew."

Drew started to protest, but I put a finger to his
lips.

"Drew, wait, let me finish." I said. "Then you can say
what you want."

Drew nodded. I could see that he was about ready to
cry because he eyes were shining with tears that
hadn't fallen yet.

"I love you, Drew, so I can't say that we didn't make
love in a way. I just feel that it could have been
better." I said, softly. "I have feelings for you, but
I'm not quite there yet when it comes to actually
falling in love with you. But, just know that I
definitely could fall for you. I just need more time."

Drew pulled away from me, just as tears started
rolling down his face.

"So, what does this mean, Sean?" He asked, his voice
cracking. "Are you saying that you don't want a
relationship with me? are you saying that you don't
want me?"

I was shocked by what he was asking, but I guess I
couldn't blame him. I was making it sound like I was
rejecting him. I decided to clear it up for him.

"Drew, no, that's not what I'm saying at all." I said
to him, pulling him to me in a hug. "How could I not
want you? You are a beautiful, intelligent man, with a
heart of gold. All I'm trying to say is that I want to
take it more slow with us."

I released him and pulled back to look into his eyes.

"I want to be able to get to know you better as a
boyfriend. I've only gotten to know you as my friend,
and as my former brother in-law. I want to get to know
you as my partner so that once I do fall in love with
you, I can finally make love to you and have it feel
10 times more incredible than how it did last night
and just earlier."

I cupped Drew's face and wiped the tears from his
face, that were falling.

"Does that make any sense to you at all?" I asked him,
hoping that he'd understand.

I wanted him to understand that I wasn't dumping him.
I just wanted to take things slow and get to know him
better as my boyfriend.

Drew's looked down, frowning a bit, meaning that he
was thinking about it. Then he looked up at me and his
face broke into a wide grin. He then threw his arms
around me and hugged me tightly.

"Yes, Sean, It does." Drew said. "I understand now,
thank god. I thought i was going to lose you."

"No way." I said, hugging him back. "It's not gonna
happen."

Drew picked me up and started spinning me around. I
laughed.

"Ok, cutie, you're strong and all, but don't you think
you'd better put me down before you hurt yourself?"

"I like to sweep you off your feet." Drew said, as he
put me down.

"And I'm not complaining." I said, with a big smile on
my face.

Drew then walked over to the bed and sat back down on
it. Then he picked up the menu for room service.

"Do you think you're ready for some lunch now?" He
asked me. "I sure am after our lovefest."

I grinned at him, amused at how he and Nick were alike
when it came to their apetites. I swear those two
could eat more than anybody else I knew.

"Sure, but make it something light." I told him. "I'm
not usually a "lunch" person either.

Drew then picked up the phone to order room service.
While he was on the phone, I walked over to the window
and looked down at the parking lot below.

My mind drifted back to Nick all of a sudden. I was
still deeply disturbed by his actions earlier this
morning. I knew at that moment, that something was
wrong. Something was very wrong.

"Sean?"

I turned around to see that Drew was now off the phone
and he was looking at me, concern written all over his
face.

"Yeah?" I asked, with raised eyebrows.

"What's wrong?" Drew asked. "You look like you're
disturbed about something."

I turned towards Drew, ready to answer him, but was
interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Do you want me to get it?" I asked him.

"No, I will." Drew said, sliding off of the bed and
walking towards the door to answer it. He opened the
door to reveal Jeff and Danny, standing in front of
him.

"Hey guys." Drew greeted them. "What brings you over
here?"

"May we come in?" Danny asked, his eyes shifting over
to me.

"Of course." Drew replied, stepping aside for them to
enter.

Jeff and Danny walked into the room and came face to
face with me. I noticed that Danny was still in pain
over how I'd treated him last night. A part of me did
feel sorry for him. But my heart had already been
broken and I'd already been stripped of whatever
shreds of my dignity that had remained.

"Hi, Sean." Danny said, softly. He was unable to look
me in the eye. Not that I could blame him.

"Hello Danny." I greeted him, my voice calm, yet
serious. "How are you?"

His face took on a look of anger right then. But I
knew he wasn't going to scream or yell. He wasn't that
angry. At least not yet.

"How do you think, Sean?" He sneered. "Do you even
care?"

"Danny!" Jeff exclaimed, shocked at Danny's harsh
words.

"Jeff, please, just stay out of this." Danny asked
him. "This is between me and my ex-best friend."

I heard Drew gasp when he heard Danny's words. Even I
was a little caught off guard by his statement, but
that didn't hurt me at all. After all, Danny had been
right before. I had changed. I was no longer the same
man that I was when I left all of them years ago.

"Danny, would you stop being so meladramatic?" I asked
him, sarcasm dripping fiercely in my voice. "If you
think that you're hurting me with that little
statement, you can just forget it. You can't hurt me
anymore. I won't allow for you, or anyone else to hurt
me like that ever again. So, to answer your question
if I care or not, the answer is no. You are not my
problem anymore, so, why don't you just crawl back
into bed with Jeff? I'm sure after awhile, you'll soon
be able to forget all about me. After all, it worked
for two years, didn't it?"

Now, it was Jeff's turn to be angry. He was standing
there, listening to every word I was saying and how
cold I was being towards his boyfriend. Having to see
the pain in Danny's eyes and what he was going
through, really hurt him as well. He finally couldn't
take it anymore.

"How can you be so callous and so cruel, Sean?! Jeff
said, his voice rising. "I know you were hurt by us
terribly. Do I have to remind you that you were hurt
the same way by Nick when he cheated on you? Even
then, you've never acted like this! So cold and
so.......Un-Human."

I was appalled to say the least that Jeff had just
called me that.

"Well, you seem to have pretty strong feelings on this
subject! Don't hold back!" I said, my own voice
starting to get loud."

"Oh, I'm not going to hold back!" Jeff said, loudly.
"I'm sick of your attitude, Sean! I'm sick of your "I
don't care" attitude! I liked the old Sean better! The
one who was loving and caring, and who had such a big
heart. I certainly don't like this cold hearted little
slut that you've become now!"

"Jeff!" Drew exclaimed, horrified.

Hearing Jeff call me a slut was all it took for me to
lose my temper. I was not a slut! and I resented the
fact that Jeff could even think that of me.

"You sanctamonious, pompus, ass!" I yelled. "Take that
back right now!"

"Or what, Sean?" Jeff asked, angrily. "What are you
going to do if I don't?"

I lunged at Jeff, intent on giving him a pounding, but
Drew grabbed me before I could get to Jeff. Danny had
also grabbed Jeff at that moment to keep him from
going after me. Why he did that, I had no idea.

"Let go of me, Drew!" I yelled, struggling against
Drew's strong hold on me. "I want to tear him apart!"

"Nobody's tearing anybody apart!" Drew yelled back.
"Calm down, all of you, and get a grip!"

"Ok!" I yelled, holding still. "Alright! You can let
go of me now, Drew!"

Drew slowly let go of me. I noticed Danny also let go
of Jeff, who continued to glare at me.

I turned to Drew and looked him in the eye.

I think I've worn out my welcome." I told him. "I
should go."

As I turned away, Drew grabbed my arm to stop me.

"No, Sean, you don't have to go." He said, his eyes
saying it all.

"Well, maybe he should, Drew." Jeff told him. "After
all, we need to start getting ready to head to the
airport soon."

My heart sank when I realized that Jeff was right.
Their plane was going to depart in another hour, so
they did have to get ready to go.

I heard Drew sigh behind me, knowing that he didn't
like this anymore than I did. He then turned to me.

"Can you come to the airport with us, sweetie?" Drew
asked me.

I sighed and shook my head.

"I'm sorry, Drew." I said, feeling guilty. "I can't go
with you guys to the airport to say goodbye to you
all. We'll just have to do it here."

I could see that Drew was hurt by my answer, but it
couldn't be helped. I knew it was coming.

Drew sighed and turned away from us, walking over to
the window, looking outside.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Sean." He said. "If you
really loved me enough, nothing would stop you from
coming to the airport to see me off."

He turned back around to face me. When he did, his
eyes were filled with tears. Then he spoke again.

"I'm also sorry I made love to you, since you
obviously can't love anyone anymore." He said, his
voice cracking.

"Drew, you did what?" Jeff asked, in disbelief. "I
can't believe that! Why would you do that?"

I turned around, giving Jeff an angry look.

"Jeff, what Drew and I did is between the two of us
and frankly it is none of your business. So, stay out
of it." I snarled.

"The hell it isn't!" Jeff said, glaring at me. "Drew
happens to be my friend too and now you've hurt him.
Wasn't Nick enough?"

Jeff had finally struck the final nerve within me, and
I decked him before he saw it coming.

"Oh my god, Jeff!" Danny said, leaning down and
helping Jeff up. Jeff's bottom lip was bleeding from
where I had hit him.

Danny looked back up at me and the look in his eyes
would have had me scared in the past. He was out for
blood! and this time, it was mine!

"I would be a fool to dirty my hands on you." Danny
growled. "You're scum! You are scum!

I just looked at him, my face void of any emotion. The
fact that I had hit Jeff and hurt him, also hurt Danny
as well. He was finally ready to accept a future
without me in it.

"And you were right before." Danny continued. "Our
friendship is definitely over. After today, I don't
ever want to see you or speak to you, again."

"That's about enough you two." Drew said, stepping in
between us to keep Jeff, Danny, and I from going after
each other again. "I want you both to leave now. Sean
and I have to say goodbye."

"Fine." Jeff said. "But don't take long. We have to be
going soon. I'm going to go and see if Nick is ready
to go as well."

"I won't, Jeff." Drew said, giving him a weak smile.

Jeff's gaze then turned back to me and his eyes grew
cold again.

"I won't forget this, Sean!" Jeff said, pointing to
his busted lip, his voice filled with anger. "I will
never forgive you for this! If I never see you again,
it'll be soon enough for me!

Then, he turned to Danny.

"Come on, babe, help me get cleaned up in our room."
He said, gently.

"You bet, sweetie." Danny said, putting his arm around
Jeff's shoulders. He looked back at Drew.

"Later, Drew." He said, as he and Jeff turned to
leave.

"Later, guys." Drew said, as they shut the door behind
them.

"Do you have any idea of the damage you have done?"
Drew said, sternly. "It's bad enough that you and
Danny are no longer friends anymore, but to go and
alienate Jeff as well? What the hell were you
thinking?"

I turned around, shocked at Drew's annoyed demeanor.

"Drew, Jeff made me mad!" I told him. "He practically
accused me of hurting you and Nick on purpose!

"And for that, you had to hit him?" Drew asked,
sarcastically.

"What was I supposed to do? stand there and take it?
The guy insulted me!" I said, harshly. "Trust me, he
had it coming to him!"

"Never mind, that's not the point anyway." Drew said,
sighing heavily. "The point is that we can't go on
like this anymore. You have to decide whether or not,
you want our relationship to work out. If you do, then
you will have to find a way to get along with everyone
else.......

Here, Drew took another deep breath.

"And if you don't," Drew continued. "Then you say
goodbye right here and now and we both come to a
mutual understanding. So, which is it going to be?"

I thought over what Drew had said and what I had to
gain by starting a relationship with him. I could be
happy again and be loved again. On the other hand, I
could also be hurt again, if the relationship didn't
work out.

I also thought over what I had to lose by walking
away. I would probably always wonder what could have
been with Drew and know that I would never have
another chance to find out again. We would agree to go
our separate ways and never contact each other again,
which included Nick, and everyone else in the group as
well. That meant that I would lose Justin, and Kandi
as well, who were probably two of my only friends now
at this point.

After, carefully considering all the advantages and
disadvantages of the situation, I had made my
decision.

I turned back to face Drew.

"Have you made your decision? He asked.

"I have." I replied.

"Well, what will it be?" Drew said.

I prepared to answer him.

*******************************************************

OUTSIDE NICK'S ROOM...............

"Nick! Open up! Are you in there?!" Jeff yelled,
banging on the door. "Nick!"

Jeff then tried the door, and realized that it was
open. He and Danny immediately stepped inside and
cautiously looked around.

The room was empty and Nick was nowhere to be seen.

"Jeff, Nick's clothes are gone." Danny said, as he
checked the closet.

"So is his suitcase." Jeff said. "He must have gotten
an early start and decided to be ready sooner. He
probably took his things down to the limo already.

Then Jeff frowned.

"But if he was going to do that, why didn't he let us
know? Why haven't we heard from him?" He asked,
outloud.

"I don't know, Jeff." Danny replied. "That isn't like
him at all not to check in with us."

Jeff scanned the room and something caught his eye on
the beside table. He bent over to pick it up.

"What's that, Jeff?" Danny asked him.

Jeff studied it more closely. It was an envelope with
Drew's name on it. And it was in Nick's handwriting.

"It's a letter to Drew from Nick, Danny." Jeff said.
"It's Nick's handwriting.

"Should we read it?" He asked, as he came over beside
Jeff to look at the note.

"No." Jeff said. "We should take this to Drew first
and then he'll read it to us."

"Ok, come on." Danny said, walking to the door with
Jeff behind him.

They closed the door and walked back over to Drew's
room and knocked on the door.

Drew opened the door and looked up at Jeff.

"Hey, Jeff, what's up?" He asked.

"Well, Drew, we can't find Nick anywhere."

"What?" Drew asked in shock, then opened the door more
and stepped aside. "Come on in."

Jeff and Danny walked into his room and Drew shut the
door. He then turned around to face Danny and Jeff.

"I found this in his room." Jeff said, holding up the
letter he had in his hand. "it's addressed to you and
it's Nick's handwriting on it."

"Let me see it, please?" Drew asked holding out his
hand.

Jeff held out the letter to Drew. Drew took it and
looked at it.

"Yeah, it's my brother's handwriting alright." He
said. "Well let's see what's in here."

Drew tore open the envelope and found a piece of paper
inside of it.

It's a letter from Nick." Drew told them, then he
started to read it.


Drew,

I've booked an earlier flight back home, so I will
already be back in L.A. by the time you read this
letter. I'm sorry I didn't tell you or any of the guys
in person. I had alot on my mind and I wanted to think
things through on my own.

I'll see you guys back in Los Angeles.

Love,

Nick.

Drew put down the letter and frowned. It wasn't like
Nick to just up and leave without telling him. He knew
his brother really well, but this was something that
Drew never would have seen coming.

"I'm worried about him." Drew said. "Especially after
his run in with Sean this morning."

"What do you mean?" Danny asked him.

"Well, Nick walked in on Sean and I going at it in his
room last night and freaked out. I feel bad about
that, by the way. Anyway, Sean went to see him earlier
this morning and somehow ended up throwing our night
of passion in Nick's face, during an argument that
they had."

"I can't believe this!" Jeff said, annoyed. "Well, I
hope Nick told Sean where he could go."

"Actually, Nick kissed him." Drew confessed.

"He what?!" Danny exclaimed.

"I know." Drew said, nodding. "I was as shocked as you
both are right now when Sean told me that and I wanted
to kill Nick. But Sean said that Nick told him that
that kiss was the final kiss that they would ever
share and that their friendship was over. After that
was said, Nick kicked him out of his room."

"Well, good for Nick." Jeff said. "I knew he'd be able
to deal with Sean."

Danny looked around the room.

"Where is Sean, anyway?" he asked.

"He left." Drew said, quietly.

"What happened?" Jeff asked him.

Just then, the phone started ringing.

"Hold that thought." Drew said, as he picked up the
phone. "Hello?"

"Drew, thank god you're still there!" He heard his
mother's voice say.

"Mom?" Drew asked, hearing the worry in his mother's
voice. "What's wrong? you sound worried?"

"I am, sweetheart." Mrs. Lachey replied. "Do you have
any idea where your brother is right now?"

"He should be back home by now, Mom." Drew told her.
"Jeff and Danny brought me a letter they found in his
room and it said that he caught an earlier flight back
to Los Angeles. Look, we're about ready to leave for
the airport right now to head back home. I'll find
Nick when I get home and have a talk with him."

"That would be great." Mrs. Lachey said.
"Except........

"Except, what?" Drew asked her, now worried.

"Except, that Nick is no longer in L.A.

*******************************************************
BACK AT THE BEACH APARTMENT.............

I parked the car into the parking lot of the beach
apartment and shut off the engine.

I got out and started walking towards my apartment. As
I stepped up the stairs, I walked over to the mailbox
by the door to check and see if we'd gotten any mail.

it appeared that there was a note with my name on it
inside, but with no forwarding address on it. I looked
inside the mailbox again, but didn't see any other
mail inside.

Remembering, that it was Sunday and that mail didn't
come on Sundays, really left me puzzled as to why I
would have anything in my mailbox today.

I looked at the letter more closely and recognized
Nick's handwriting.

I unlocked my door and entered the apartment, closing
the door behind me.

I walked over to the couch and set my keys on the
coffee table.

I looked at the letter, wondering when Nick had left
it.

I opened it and started reading it.

*******************************************************
Dear Sean,

This is one of the hardest letters that I've ever had
to write to you. If you want to destroy this letter
rather than read it, I wouldn't blame you. But if you
haven't destroyed it yet, please read it. You need to
know what's going on with me. I couldn't talk to
anyone else, so I decided to write to you instead.

I'm such a mess now, more than ever, Sean. I thought I
was happy. I thought I had everything that I could
ever want: An amazing wife, A beautiful little girl,
and a career that I've loved ever since our first
debut. I realized this morning that even though I have
everything that I could ever want, that something was
missing.

And that something, or should I say, someone, is you.

When I walked in on you and Drew, going at it in my
room last night, it caught me so off guard. I took a
walk to clear my head and then went back to my room
later. By then you and Drew were in his room, asleep.

I couldn't sleep at all last night. Every time I would
fall asleep, I'd see you and Drew going at it in my
dreams and I'd wake up again in a cold sweat.

And when you came to me this morning and wanted to
talk, I was so rude to you. And then, when you told me
that you and Drew made love last night, I just lost it
and accused you of using my brother to get back at me
for cheating on you with Matt. And when I kissed you
and told you that it was for the last time, that was a
lie.

It wasn't until you left the room that I broke down,
knowing that you could never love me again and that
I'd destroyed any chance we had of becoming friends
again.

 I still love Jessica very much, but I love you more
now than I ever have, and a part of me wishes that I
could just take you in my arms and never let you go
again. But I know that that can never happen again.
The other part of me wants to do what's right and
rebuild what I have with Jessica, and to make sure
that my daughter, Nikki, grows up in a loving home
with two parents under the same roof, who love each
other.

One thing that I am sure of is of my love for Nikki. I
am willing to do whatever I can to make her happy,
even if that means trying to rebuild my relationship
with her mother, which I'm unable to do right now. And
I can't handle seeing you and Drew together right now,
either. I need to take time to sort out my life and
once that's done, figure out where I go from there.
That's why I'm leaving town.

I don't know where I'm going to go or when I will be
back. But just know that there will be a thousand
times a day that I'll be thinking of you and that
there will be a thousand times a day that I'll be
thinking about, what we could be doing together.

Please don't try to find me. And don't show this
letter to anyone. I have a feeling that things will
get very ugly with me gone and I couldn't bear it if
you are blamed for my disappearance.

I wish you all the best with my brother and I hope
that you two are very happy. that's all I've ever
wanted is for you to be happy. And since it can't be
me, I can't think of a better guy who deserves love
more than Drew. I believe you will be good for him and
that you two will work out.

If that is not the case, then I've truly destroyed
everything I ever truly cared about. I never meant to
hurt anyone, but I had no choice but to leave.

I wish you nothing but the best and I hope I see you
again, someday.

All my love,

Nick

*******************************************************
When I'd finished reading, I realized that there were
wet spots on the paper, which meant that Nick had been
crying while he had been writing it. I noticed that I
too was crying when I felt the tears on my cheeks.

Nick's letter had really touched me. I was very
worried about him. I knew that this letter didn't
change anything between us, but that didn't mean that
I didn't cared. I still cared for Nick a great deal
and I realized now that Nick needed my friendship more
than ever.



TBC............?

Well that's all for this installment. I will try to
work on the next one as soon as I can.

"How will Drew and everyone else close to Nick react
when they find out that Nick has left?"

"How will Sean deal with the fall out from Nick's
disappearance?"

"Is Sean's friendship with the guys truly over?"

but the real question is:

"Will Nick ever return?


What happens next? Oh, if you only knew!


slpwriter@yahoo.com