Date: Fri, 14 Oct 2005 21:09:48 -0700 (PDT)
From: Sean <sneaker_sean@yahoo.com>
Subject: My Family: For Better or For Worse/ Chapter Five

Disclaimer:
      This story is fiction, totally fake. I don't know
NSYNC, or any of the other celebrities that will show up,
don't know anything about them, besides the usual fan stuff,
I don't know anything about any of the guys sexuality. This
is simply a story that I wanted to write. I hope you enjoy
it.

Legal Stuff:
      This story does contain some adult material, and not
necessarily sex. It covers a sensitive subject. Eventually
there might be some sex involved and if you are underage you
better not being reading this, or if it is illegal in your
area to view this material. If it's not then enjoy and
remember authors need feedback to make the story better, so
write me.

Authors Note:
     To all the people that have written me I want to say
thank you for all your kind words and also say I am sorry
for taking so long to post. I am trying to get better at
that.
     Also I would like to thank my new editor, Thanks Eric.

Dedication:
     I wish to dedicate this story to my one and only love,
I love you Cupcake and I always will.



Chapter Five: Nicky and Drewby Make the Scene.

     In half an hour we were in the limo headed for LAX to
pick up Nicky and Drewby. I was so excited I hadn't seen
them in a while, not that they wouldn't drop everything to
see me if I needed them. Everything in the limo was normal
again, I had been told that the rest of the guys had made up
and talked while I had slept. So everything was cool now and
we were having fun on the ride. Josh Justin and I were
seated along the back of the limo. James Joey and Chris were
along the side of the limo perpendicular to us. James
suddenly leaned over and sniffed right in front of me.
     "I was right." He said triumphantly.
     "Right about what?" Chris said.
     "I thought Sean smelled differently and I was right, he
smells like Justin."
     "Why do you smell like Justin?" Joey asked me.
     "I barrowed some of Juju's cologne." I said a little
embarrassed.
     "It's okay Bro, I don't mind." Justin said, I was
resting my head on his shoulder.
     "Besides, Juju doesn't smell like himself anyway." I
said.
     "Who does he smell like?" Chris asked.
     "Like Josh." I said kind of dreamily.
     "Yeah I had to barrow some of Josh's as I was in his
bathroom." Justin said.
     "Why didn't you and Sean share a bathroom?" Joey asked.
     "Because Sean had to change cloths." Justin said, and
he felt me tremble beside him, he put his arm over my
shoulder and pulled me closer.
     "Why should that make a difference?" James asked, "We
have all changed in front of each other before." He added.
     "It makes a huge difference if one of us can't stand to
be seen with out clothing." Josh piped up; Justin had
practically pulled me into his lap. I was holding it
together but just barely. Justin took my free hand in his
and squeezed it affectionately. I laid my head on his
shoulder and basked in the love and warm feelings that
seamed to just radiate form him, I could feel myself start
to calm down.
     "Sean I am so sorry, every time I talk to you I end
upsetting you." James said almost in tears himself. I
reached out my other free hand at him, and he took it in his
own.
     "It's okay James." I said.
     "How can you be so forgiving?" James said with
amassment in his voice.
     "That is all Sean has left. If he can't forgive he can
never let go of what happened." Joey said.
     "Joey's right guys if I give up on being able to
forgive I also give up the ability to trust and without
trust I would be unable to love. And with out that life
wouldn't be worth living." I said, everyone was staring at
me. "What are you guys staring at?" I said I was getting
self-conscious again.
     "Wow Bro that was really deep." Justin said, squeezing
me around the waist.
     "Oh I was just saying what I felt." I said as I laid my
head back on Justin's shoulder. The rest of the trip was
road in comfortable silence.


     An hour later I was pacing up and down the first class
waiting room. We had been told, upon arrival that the plane
would be arriving any minute. "Bro calm down." Justin said.
     "I am just so excited Juju." I said, Justin looked like
he had a lot on his mind, but just as I was about to ask
what was up, the flight was announced, I was practically
jumping up and down. Then I saw him, Nick, the second he saw
him, his bags were on the floor and he crossed the room in
about three seconds.  He through his arms around me and gave
me a huge bear hug, but it only lasted for a second.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH" I screamed as his arms raked over
my stitches.
     "SEAN WHAT'S WRONG?" Nick was practically screaming at
me.
     "Nick why are you yelling at Sean?" Drew had arrived. I
wiped the tears away form my face.
     "I am okay." I whispered in a very pained way.
     "Nick maybe if you let go a bit it would help." Justin
said. Nick loosened his hold on me and I gasped out a
breath.  I felt soft warm hands on my shoulders; somehow I
knew they were Justin's. "Sshh it's okay Sean, just
breathe." Justin said soothingly. I felt my breath slow down
as the pain eased up. I leaned forward and rested my head on
Nick's shoulder. "Place your hands here Nick." I felt Justin
moving Nick's hands so they were in the safe zone. No one
moved or said anything, for a bit. Justin was the first for
break the silence. "It's so nice to meet the famous cousins
that Sean has been raving about." Justin said warmly. "Of
course if he had told us your last name, we could have told
him we have told him that we knew you guys already." Just
said with a hint of a laugh. I whirled around.
     "I didn't think it would be loyal to my new brothers to
talk about 98ø in front of them." I said.
     "Oh? And siding with *NSYNC is loyal to your own
cousins?" Drew said.
     "I'm sorry." I whispered, then lowered my head and
whipped away a single tear as it ran down my cheek. Drew was
in front of me instantly.
     "Oh Sean I was only kidding, you know we love you no
mater what." Drew said as he lifted my chin and took me into
a gentle but loving hug.
     "Why don't we head to the car so we can talk a bit more
freely?" Josh said, gesturing around us, quite a crowd had
gathered and were watching all of us.
     "Sounds like a plan." Nick said, Justin offered me his
arm and I rested my hand on the bend of his arm. I saw Nick
eye me, but I winked and he relaxed. When we got back to the
limo I sat between Nick and Justin, I felt so safe and
loved. The drive back was uneventful as the guys chatted and
got reacquainted I was only half listening and half dozing.
By the time we got back to the hotel Nick and Drew had been
filled in on what was going on. We got into the elevator and
quickly rose to our hotel room. Once inside we broke off
into groups to put away things and such. Nick and Drew took
the two remaining rooms. Nick wanted me to stay with him but
I was happy where I was. Nick finally relented realizing he
wasn't going to win the fight.
     A few hours later I was sitting in the living room area
flipping though a book, Justin was sitting on the floor in
front of me playing a video game with the sound turned off,
the room was quiet and still.
     "Ahem." Someone cleared their throat and I about jumped
out of my skin, Justin jumped too, and he spun around to see
who it was.
     "Geeze Josh you trying to give us both heart attacks?"
Justin said with a playful tone, I placed my hand on
Justin's shoulder, he felt it tremble. "Sshh Sean you are
perfectly safe here, look your personal body guard didn't
even move." Justin pointed out. It was true; Darrell hadn't
moved a muscle, though we all knew if something did happen
he could move with lightening speed.
     "I k-know." I said as Justin sat on the sofa and pulled
me into a tight hug. I looked up at Josh he looked like he
wanted the Earth to open up and swallow him up. I held out
my hand and he took it. "It's okay Josh." I said, he
squeezed my hand in response. "What did you need or want?" I
asked.
     "Uh.we wanted to know if you guys wanted to go out and
eat. Your cousins are complaining about being hungry." Josh
said with a laugh.
     "Yeah that sounds like them." I said.
     "Hey. We aren't the only ones hungry you know." Drew
responded.
     "Well food does sound good to me too." Justin said, I
glanced at the clock and was surprised to see it was after
seven at night.
     "Dinner does sound good, are we going to eat in or go
out?" I asked.
     "Well that depends on you." Nick said.
     "I am feeling a little closed in."
     "Okay then let's go find somewhere to eat." Drew said.
     "Somewhere nice," Josh added. "And I am buying and I
will hear no arguments." Josh said looking at me; I merely
nodded my head in agreement. We broke up again each going to
our own room to change cloths and freshen up.
     "What should I wear Juju?" I asked Justin who walked
over and surveyed my cloths.
     "How about something that isn't black?" Justin
suggested, looking over the all black wardrobe.
     "I don't know," I said "I have gotten use to wearing
mostly black things it hid the scares, at least that is how
I feel."
     "I know Bro I won't change it up too much I promise."
Justin said.
     "Okay Bro I trust you. But what should I wear?" Justin
survived my cloths again.
     "That shirt," He said pointing to a black turtleneck
knit shirt. I started unbuttoning the shirt I had on. "Did
you want me to step outside?" Justin asked.
     "No Juju, it's okay, besides I need your help in
getting into this one, and I need you to take a look at my
back and make sure I haven't broken any stitches or
anything, unless you don't want to look at that I can
understand that." I said quietly.
     "Now Bro you know I would never be like that." Justin
said as he checked my back and made sure I was okay then
helped me with the shirt.
     "Thanks Juju." I said. "What else will I wear?" I
added. Justin walked over to his closet and pulled out a
pair of black leather pants.
     "Here wear these." He said.
     "You don't mind?"
     "Of course not, so long as I can borrow something of
yours later." Justin said with a laugh.
     "Oh yeah."
     "Be right back Bro, I need something else to finish off
this outfit." Justin said as he walked back out into the
main room, I pulled on the pants and a pair of black leather
Sketchers I thought would look good with them. Justin came
back in carrying a white button down shirt. "Wow you look
great, but you need just a few finishing touches like this."
Just said indicating the white shirt, I took it form him, it
was very fine silk.
     "Oh Juju, I can't wear this, it's way too expensive."
Justin just raised an eyebrow at me. "What if I get
something on it?" I said.
     "I seriously doubt Josh will care." Justin said, and
with just those few words the shirt became even more
precious to me, there was no way I could wear it.
     "Juju I can't wear Josh's silk shirt. I would never
forgive myself if something happened to it." There was a
knock at the door.
     "Come in." Justin said.
     "Hey guys, almost ready?" Josh said as he pushed the
door open.
     "We would be if Sean would put on the shirt and finish
getting dressed." Justin said.
     "Why what's wrong with my shirt?" Josh asked.
     "Nothing." I said.
     "Except that it's yours and way to nice. Our Bro is
afraid of messing it up." Justin piped in, I hung my head.
     "I just don't want to ruin it." I said.
     "Well that is easily fixable. Sean you don't want to
wear the shirt because you are worried about it because it
belongs to me right?" Josh asked.
     "Yeah."
     "Well then what if I gave you the shirt? Would you care
as much?" Josh asked.
     "Josh, I couldn't let you give me this expensive shirt.
I would feel so guilty." I said.
     "Well too late, the shirt is yours now." Josh said with
a smile. "Now please put it on so we can go get something to
eat." He added.
     "Thank you Josh." I said, knowing it was useless to
protest. I put the shirt on; glancing into the mirror I had
to admit I looked good.
     "You look great Bro." Justin said. "Now just one more
thing and you will be totally ready." Justin added, he
walked over to the dresser and pulled a gold chain form the
jewelry box. Walking back over to me, he fastened the chain
around my neck. I reached up and ran my finger tips over the
heavy chain. "Perfect, now we can go." Justin said.
     "Thank you both." I said sheepishly.
     "Sean, it was our pleasure really." Josh said pulling
me into a hug.
     "Totally Bro." Justin added as he hugged me after Josh.
     "So where are we going to eat?" I asked, Justin smiled.
     "It's a surprise." Justin said.
     "Just so you guys know I don't always do so well with
surprises, but that is a story for another time." I said
quietly.
     "It's okay Bro; this is a nice surprise I promise."
Justin said reassuringly.
     "Okay Bro I trust you." I said as we walked towards the
bedroom door.
     "Hey Sean." I turned and noticed that Josh hadn't moved
yet. "Can I talk to you, alone, for just a sec?" Josh asked.
     "Yeah sure." I said. Justin walked out of the room
pulling the door closed the door behind him; I walked back
over towards Josh. "What did you want to talk about?" I
asked.
     "I was just wondering if you would like to be my dinner
date." Josh said blushing a little bit.
     "Josh I would love to." I said. "But I thought we were
all going to dinner together?" I was getting confused.
     "We are. I just want you to sit beside me and maybe
think of it as a real date." Josh said. "But only if you
want to."
     "Josh I don't know what to say." I said surprised, the
small smile on Josh's face vanished. "Except that I would
love for this to be our first date." I said happily.
     "Really? I don't want you to feel pressured." Josh
said, I placed my hand on his arm.
     "Josh I had already had a crush on you as JC now I know
I have real feelings for you as Josh." That wonderful smile
returned. "But there are a few things that you may not
realize."
     "Like what?"
     "Well, for example, any relationship I start will have
to move slowly, very slowly. Trust is now a major issue." I
said.
     "But you seam to trust us all so easily." Josh said.
     "Trusting your family is one thing, it's natural and
easy most of the time, but after all that I have been
though, trusting a lover is much more difficult. Besides I
do hold a little bit of insecurity about you guys. I would
be able to sleep though the night and not wake up a dozen
times." I said.
     "You never did explain that. Why do you do that?" Josh
asked.
     "Self-protection." I answered. "After years of abuse, I
have trained myself to wake up to the smallest sound. It
doesn't always work, especially if Eric or Mark had slipped
me something like a sleeping pill or something." I said
quietly Josh pulled me into his arms, and held me close. I
could feel one of those closely guarded walls around my
heart crumbling; I didn't know I was even crying. "I was so
afraid, always afraid. I never had a moment's peace. Pain,
sorrow, fear were the only things I ever knew." I sobbed
against Josh's chest. Josh rubbed my back gently and
comforted me.
     "You can't let what happened in the past continue to
control your every move in the present and into the future."
Josh said sagely.
     "I know but it's so hard. It's like fighting a natural
instinct." I said.
     "I know and we will only ask you to make small steps
and if you feel like you can't do it, just tell us." Josh
said soothingly.
     "Okay I will try, I really will." I said.
     "That is all we ask." Josh said. "Now go blow your nose
and wipe your face. Don't want Justin to see you have been
crying." Josh said. I went and washed my face and made
myself presentable again. "Much better." Josh said. We left
the bedroom; Justin was sitting on the sofa waiting for us.
     "Where is everyone else?" I asked.
     "They went ahead to the restaurant." Justin said.
     "Oh okay." I said. "Juju, Josh and I have an
announcement." I said hesitantly.
     "Bro is something wrong?" Justin asked.
     "No not at all." I said quickly. "I just wanted you to
be the first to know that Josh and I are starting a
relationship." I said happily.
     "Bro that is great." Justin said, but my warning lights
went off. The happy smile on Justin's face didn't extend up
to his eyes, which had lost their sparkle.
     "Juju, are you okay?" I asked.
     "Yeah fine." Justin said in a hollow voice. "Why don't
you two go eat, I suddenly lost my appetite." Justin said.
"I need a breath of fresh air." Justin said and just like
that he was up and out the door to the hotel room.
     "Josh should we." I nodded towards the door.
     "No Sean, I think you should go after him, I will call
the rest of the guys and let them know we will be a bit
late." Josh said.
     "You sure?" I said.
     "Yeah, go after your big brother." Josh said. I ran to
the door.
     "Darrell which way did Justin go?" I asked knowing he
would know.
     "He ran over to the elevators muttering about needing
some air." Darrell said, we ran over the elevator banks.
"The only one in motion is going up. My guess is Justin is
head for the roof." Darrell said, pressing the button for
another elevator.
     "You don't think he would.you know?" I asked, dreading
the answer but still needing to know.
     "No Justin is to smart for that." Darrell said. "He
probably just needed to clear his head." I let out a breath
I hadn't known I was holding. We got into the elevator and
rode it up to the roof. Once we got up there I realized it
was a roof top restaurant. I looked around and spotted
Justin at a back table, looking out over the city. I walked
over to the table.
     "Is this seat taken?" I said Justin turned to me.
     "No but I figured you would want a quiet table for
two." Justin said in that same hollow tone.
     "Big Bro what's wrong? What did I do?" I said, in the
back of my mind I knew this would happen life was just
unfair like that. Just reached across the table and placed
his hand on top of mine.
     "Bro you didn't do anything." Justin said. "I just
figured that you and Josh would want some time just the two
of you." Justin said sadly.
     Juju do you feel replaced?" I asked timidly.
     "Maybe jus a little bit." Justin said "I mean you don't
really need me around any more." Justin said.
     "How can you say that?" I said shocked. "Juju you're my
big brother, I will always need you." I said passionately.
     "Right, that isn't how I see it, Now you have someone
new to run to when you are upset, someone to spend the night
with." Justin said.
     "Justin what are you talking about?" I asked.
     "Well now that you have Josh, you won't need to sleep
in my room anymore." Justin said.
     "Juju, I never needed to do that." I said, he hung his
head lower. I reached over with my free hand and lifted his
face up. "I choose too." He smiled again, for real this
time, for a moment or two.
     "But now you are going to choose to sleep with Josh."
Justin said down-heartedly.
     "Justin you of all people know my past, any kind of
relationship I have will have to build trust." I said
slowly.
     "Why would Josh need to build trust?" Justin asked.
"Doesn't he have it already?"
     "As a brother, friend, and protector, yes he does, but
as a potential love he is on guarded ground, just because of
what has happened before. I know I shouldn't let what
happened ruin what might be the greatest thing in love to
happen to me, but I can't stop the fear." I said quietly.
Justin slid his chair closer to mine and wrapped me in a
tight hug.
     "Sean, Bro, Josh would never do anything like what
happened before, I hope you know that." Justin said.
     "My heart knows that, my head is just too screwed up to
listen." I said.
     "You are not screwed up," Justin said. "You will get
better, I am sure of that." He added.
     "Thanks Big Bro, so unless you are kicking me out of
your room, I still need a place to sleep." I said.
     "Bro you know my door is always open." Justin said.
     "Thanks Juju." I said. "So are we okay now?"
     "Of course Bro we always were." Justin said as my
stomach let out a loud growl. "I guess we need to get some
food in you."
     "Well I was sort of passed out when lunch was served."
I reminded him.
     "True. See aren't you glad I made you eat breakfast?"
Justin asked.
     "Yeah I am. Now let's go get some food." I said.
     "You got it Bro."