Date: Tue, 10 Apr 2001 21:27:56 -0700
From: GOA Angel <goa_aenjeru@hotmail.com>
Subject: Boyband Archive;'My Life #1'{G.O.A. Angel}()[1!]

This is my first attempt at a boyband fic.
It's painfully slow and I apologize in
advance.  I don't like my writing style but
XP~  hope you enjoy~  C & C's appreciated!

G.O.A. Angel

Disclaimer: I do not know *Nsync personally.
This is like any other disclaimers you've
read.  All I'm trying to do is write a
fanfic.  ::smiles::  Don't even bother to
sue me because I have no money ::smiles::



	My life, has been a constant struggle
... well not always, but for the most part,
it has been.  It's hard to say that I have
never been happy, I've had my moments, but
always, always, happiness is stripped away
from me.  That's the story of my life.  All
that I've ever loved and held dear was
brutally taken away from me.  First my
parents, then my sister, then my sight.

	These traumatic events that happened
early in my life helped me become a bitter
cynic, I've heard that phrase all the time.
But it's okay, I'm okay, as long as I have
my music. I might sound crazy but it's true,
without music I would be nothing. I would be
a boring picture in the background, living
and going by, unnoticed.  How to say, music
is my life, and am forever in debt to the
man who brought me my second life, Mr.
Laird.

	Maybe I should introduce myself, My
name is Kealan Laird.  Yes, Mr. Laird
adopted me as a son.  Lets see, my hair I
believe is still silver.  I've always had
silver hair, don't ask why, I never could
explain it.  However, I was happy because my
mother reassured me that it reminded her of
the misty rain of Ireland, Our Land.  I've
been told that I have emerald eyes that
looks so glittering and real that shocks
people when they learn that I am blind,
which I have been for a good 17 years of my
life.  I've also been told constantly that I
am almost anorexic looking, really skinny.
Ugh ... I guess some could say fragile, like
a porcelain doll.  Andrew always says it's
due to the lack to times I spend outdoors.

	Andrew, now that's a topic I can talk
about with joy, he is my best friend, my
confident, and my neighbor.  When I was
little, I believe I was 7 at that time, Mr.
Laird found me shivering on the steps in
front of his house.  He was a kind hearted
man, and he took me into his house, fed me,
had me bathed, and let me rest.  During all
this, all I could do is believe that I was
finally in heaven, and that I would finally
get to see my parents and sister.  But then,
I realized that I couldn't possibly be in
heaven, because heaven was supposed to be a
beautiful place.  How could a place be
beautiful when everything was black.
Everything was black.  Surely this wasn't
hell, but I quickly dismissed that thought.
That was when I realized that I was still
blind, and was still in the land of the
living.  As my little dreams of finally
being at peace with my family was shattered,
I began to cry.  Mr. Laird, not having
experience with children, panicked, and ran
over to the house next door, and brought
Andrew over to try to help me cope with
everything.

	At first I refused to talk with Andrew
and only stayed in the bed, I would never
budge from the spot.  He was so stubborn and
came everyday to try to make friends with
me.  So dedicated that I found myself
looking forward his visit.  He would come by
my bed and just talk.  Sometimes he would
talk about his life, and other times we
would sit in solitude.  He would also bring
over music, classical music and just play
it, and I would lie there thinking up story
lines to the music.  Dashing princes,
thundering storms.  Of course I didn't know
what they looked like, but hey, 17 years of
pitch dark leads to either insanity or a
good imagination.  Guess which way I went.
He always announced the titles and composers
and I found myself getting lost into the
music, the universal language.  It was my
favorite part of my day.  When he would come
after school and let me listen to the
beautiful melodies, filling my head with
visions and stories.

	I never talked during the countless
hours we spent together, and he never
expected me to.  I always wanted to talk, to
share my thoughts of the music but kept them
quiet.  I recorded every though in my mind,
replaying the pieces over and over in my
head long after he left.  One day, he took
my hand and led me out of my room.  I guess
I looked frightened but he gave me a
reassuring squeeze to my hand and I knew
that I would be alright.  We reached a very
large room.  Don't ask me how I knew it was
large, I could just sense it.  Everything
has it's own aura around it, I like to say
that I can sense their aura.  I could feel
that it was proud.  I know, I sound CRAZY to
you but I felt that it held itself with
pride.  Andrew silently led me across the
wooden floor to a bench.  He had me sit on
the bench and took my hands and placed them
on top of smooth, I didn't know how to
explain it, but it was like pieces of wood,
they were small and there were a lot of
them, with some pieces of wood sticking out
in certain places.  I traced these planks
and was startled to hear a sound when I put
pressure on one of them.  He whispered in my
ear and told me it was a piano, and that I
could make music.

	Me, make music?  I was overjoyed.  I
couldn't help but pushing down on all the
keys at the same time, expecting beautiful
sounds to come echoing out from this weird
thing.  Laughing gently, he said that he
would teach me how to play music.  taking my
hands and curving them he placed them on the
keys.  He explained to me the small concepts
of playing middle c and showed me how to
play a scale.  He told me all of the notes
and had me play them over and over again.
How happy I was to finally be able to play
music.  Days went on, and I improved to the
point where he would play a piece for me and
I would imitate it over again.  Months
passed and I found myself surpassing Andrew
in the playing of pieces.  I enjoyed this
little game with Andrew, but wanted to have
more challenge in my playing.  Thinking back
to the recordings that I listened to, I
remembered this sad song.  Beethoven's
Moonlight Sonata.  It was such a sad and
beautiful piece that I knew I had to play.

	I stumbled a little but after playing
it over and over again, I got the song down.
I would play until my fingers got tired.  It
was a place where I could go and hide.  A
place where I could talk, laugh and play
around.  A place where I could be whoever I
wanted, in whatever place, it was so easy to
get lost.  One day when I was so engrossed
in my own music that I didn't hear someone
come into the room.  When I finished the
song I heard a loud burst of clapping noise.
I was scared but the familiar patter of
Andrew's footsteps calmed me.  Andrew was
there, I knew I wouldn't be hurt.  He pulled
me to my feet and brought me over to a tall
figure standing by the door.  He told me
that it was Mr. Laird, the one who brought
me into the house and brought Andrew to
befriend me.

	I was kind of scared but felt gratified
of his kindness and I hugged him.  He lifted
me up and swung me around, explaining that
he was so proud me, learning to play the
piano like that, and that he was sorry that
he was not there for me during the absence.
He was away for business.  I silently kissed
him on the cheek and whispered in my cracked
voice, one that was scratchy because of
months of no use, "Thank you."

	Andrew squealed with delight and
exclaimed that I could talk.  He started
dancing around and started laughing.  So
caught up with his enjoyment, I started to
laugh along with him.  This, was when I
started talking once more.  After that,
Andrew and I talked more and more, and Mr.
Laird hired a tutor to teach me how to play
piano and one to teach me my studies.
Eventually Andrew convinced his parents to
let him take lessons with me and we grew up
learning together.

	We still are close now, and Andrew is
still stubborn as ever.  "Sheeh, Andrew ...
get over it ... I'm not going and that's
final!"  I shouted on the phone, fiddling
around with my hair.  "I don't want to go to
another silly function.  You know how much I
hate socializing!"  I was really frustrated,
Andrew never changes.  Grrrrr.
	A low voice laced with laughter sounded
through the phone, "You know that they
expect you to be there.  You are the star of
the whole thing.  You also know how
disappointed dad will be if you don't show
up."  I could just imagine him laying down
on his bed and fiddling with the cord.

	Rolling my eyes, I tried to explain to
Andrew my reasoning to not wanting to go for
the millionth time, "Andrew, you know that I
don't like socializing and that I don't want
to be looked at like a piece of meat, not
with admiration or pity.  It's bad enough
that my whole world is dark and black.  I
don't want people to feel sorry for me."

	Andrew would have none of that and he
said in his strict voice, "I command You,
Kealan Laid, with the authority of being
your Best Friend, and Neighbor, and Manager
I might add, that You, Kealan Laird, is
obligated to attend this function with me.
Now I'll have your tux ready by 4, it will
arrive there with my butler who will make
sure that you get dressed, and ready for the
little gathering.  No buts about it, you
haven't been out of the house for more than
3 weeks now.  You know that I'm always right
about these things so bye bye, I'll pick you
up at 6 on the dot.  Be ready and see you
later!~"

	Ooooohhh Andrew ... There's going to be
a day that you will regret doing this.
Stubborn, stubborn Andrew, but it's kind of
nice to have a friend who looks after me
like this.  Oh well, I never win.  I called
for my servant, Daniel and asked for the
time.  He replied that it was 3:30.  I
sighed and asked for him to prepare the bath
for me.

	At 4 the bell rang and Daniel brought
William, Andrew's butler to me.  Daniel
unplugged the bath and started rinsing me
off.  taking the soft towel, he gently wiped
me dry and started dressing me.  I hated
this attention, I felt like a useless child,
but I could not help but have Daniel attend
me.  For one, it would take me hours to get
dressed, and for two, Andrew would have my
head if he found out that I dressed by
myself.  Over protective Andrew ... Daniel
brought me over to a soft chair and started
to do my hair.

	"Daniel, did I ever tell you how much I
hated all this pampering?"  I asked with a
touch of irritation in my voice.

	I could feel the smile in his answer,
"Yes sir, every time I aid you sir."

	"Well good.  And quit calling me sir!"
I was irritated and it showed.  Daniel knew
me well and didn't take any offense to what
I said.  "So what color is the tux?"  I
fidgeted around my chair.

	"Sir, it's slightly blue, more metallic
silver with a blue tint in it.  You know how
much young master likes blue."  I could feel
Daniel rolling his eyes when he said that.

	"Oh yes.  Why did I even bother to ask.
He's so predictable."  A momentary pause.
"Do you know what this function is about?"

	Daniel was easing gel on my hair.  "I
do believe sir that it is some kind of
charity banquet.  I'm not sure of what
though."

	"Oh."  Silence.  Wasn't this fun.

	"Kear~"  I jumped at the sound of
Andrew's loud voice.  "Ready?"  With that,
he flung open the door and I could hear him
running up to me.  "How is it.  Are you
ready?  Lets go.  We might be late.  Are you
mad at me.  Of course not."  Andrew just
kept on going and going on with his
questions.

	"Andrew, relax.  I'm ok, by I'm not
going to forgive you for this.  I was on a
roll of not going outside."  I put on my
best pout and felt Andrew's hands wrap
around my shoulders.

	"I know you will."  He kissed the side
of my cheek.

	Raising my hand to wipe the area of the
little peck and fake scowled.  "That is so
disgusting!  How could you violate me so."
I crossed my hands across my chest.

	"A, I know better, secretly inside you
desire me.  Who can resist the charm of
Andrew."  I could imagine him doing a silly
pose.

	"Whatever~  You are so silly sometimes.
Not to mention pompous."

	"Uh, is that any way to talk to your
best friend, neighbor, and manager?"

	"Without me, you wouldn't be any of
those 3."  I laughed as he playfully hit me
on the arm.

	"Come on, lets go.  Time's wasting."
he pulled me up onto my feet and practically
dragged me to the car.

	When we were settled in the Rolls-Royce
I turned to him  and questioned, "Would you
like to inform me what this event is about?"

	"Oh, it's for your honor."  His tone
was light and airy.

	"WHAT!?!  Andr-"  I was cut off by
Andrew's voice.

	"Now wait here Mr. Laird.  This is a
benefit party.  All you have to do is show
up, say a few words, and play a simple
piece.  A lot of celebrities are coming and
paying shitloads of money to see you.  The
money raised here will be used to provide
shelters for the homeless.  More
specifically, homeless children who are
wandering around the streets half naked,
half begging for food.  The poor victims
which I might add, You were one of..."

	I sighed and slumped my shoulders
forward.  He had me there.  "Yeah.  I could
do that.  I just wished that you would have
told me earlier."

	I could picture him with his eyebrows
raised.  "You would have come if I did?"

	"Well- Yes! ... no ... maybe."

	"See."  His voice was smug.

	"Ok ... you win.  I wouldn't have gone
... happy?"

	I could feel the seat moving as he
slightly jumped and clapped his hands.
"Yup, now that you are going!"

	"Hmph."  I tried to act angry ... but
that didn't last for long.  "How do you know
if I even have a piece ready to play?"  I
tried to think up of excuses but in my mind
I knew that Andrew had already won.

	"You can't get rid of me That easily.
I know well that you have Rachmaninoff 2nd
all nice and perfect."  Placing his hand on
top of mine, he said, "you should get out
more.  I know you don't like people to pity
you.  You have no social life."

	"I know!  Do you know how many times
I've heard you say that?"  I was frustrated.
Andrew always bugged me to get out of the
house and live a little.  How the heck was I
supposed to live a little when I couldn't
even see.

	The tone of his voice softened and he
pulled me into a hug.  "I only want the best
for you ... I just want you to be happy.
But you know that being cooped up in that
house only serves to make you bitter."

	"I live in a world of music.  I don't
need to get out.  Music gives me all the
love and friendship I could ever want and
need.  You and Mr. Laird fill up the void
that is left in my heart."

	"Thank you."  He released me from his
embrace and the ride there was silent and
uneventful.

	I felt the car gently come to a halt
and felt the door open.  The cool night air
did nothing to my flustered body.  It was
terrifying.  The public are hounds.  Andrew
got out first and reached for me.  He
brought me out and linked his arms with
mine.  I heard what felt like a million
flashes.  At least I couldn't see the
flashes and be blinded.  I let out a bitter
laugh.  I was already blind.  Everything
felt superficial to me.  I smelt an
overpowering sensation of this and that
cologne.  How sickening.  I was led down
long road.  At least that was what it felt
for me.  Almost immediately my head started
to pound.  Think Rachmaninoff ... think
about music.  Doors opened and I was guided
down another hallway.  More doors were
opened and Andrew gently led me up some
stairs.  He led me to a seat and asked me to
sit down.  "Where am I?"  I hissed angrily
while I kept a smile on my face.

	"On the stage.  You have to give a
little speech.  Then you can wait and play
the piece.  We have another piano player
that we hired out that would play for the
rest of the time.  Just bear with me for a
little while."

	I cringed and sighed.  "Ok ... just
tell me when to start my speech.  You have
to lead me okay?"

	Andrew patted my shoulder and I sat
stiffly in my chair.  At least it was
comfortable.  The loud noises of the public
was buzzing all around me.  It seemed as if
people would talk for hours until I heard it
become quiet.  Finally I thought to myself.

	"Ready?"  Without giving me a chance to
reply he pulled on my hand and led me to the
podium.

	I nervously clenched my hands and I
raised it to try to feel the mike.  After a
few unsuccessful attempts, I found it.  I
ran my hand through my hair and bit my lip.
"Well. Hi."  I gave a weak smile and laugh.
"I'm really not good at public speaking, I'd
rather have my music speak for me.  That and
I don't really have a speech prepared or
anything.  Actually this was a last minute
notice thing that Andrew told me.  A
conspiracy I tell you.  However who am I to
put down a charity concert.  Andrew knew
that I would do anything for homeless
children – my weakness.  And he used it full
force on me."  I paused as people laughed
politely.  "So I would like it if all you
people out there could help out some
organization of some sort.  If you don't
have free time, then you can at least donate
money.  I know I'm rich and I probably
wouldn't have any heirs to my money.  What's
the use when I die?  I'd rather have it go
somewhere meaningful and somewhere I know it
would be used correctly.  And this is my
contribution. Rachmaninoff's 2nd."  I dropped
the microphone and I stepped away from the
podium.  Almost immediately Andrew's
familiar scent reached my senses.

	"You did well."  His low and familiar
voice said to me.

	"I did bad.  But it's fine.  At least I
said what I wanted to say."

	"That's all that matters."  I was led
to a piano bench and warmed up a little
before starting.  After a long moment of
silence I started.  The piano sounded
marvelous.  All I needed to do was play
well.  As my fingers danced across the piano
as waves of happiness swept over me.  It
filled my heart as I envisioned myself
dancing.  I heard the orchestra in the
background and everything was perfect.  My
fingers were unstoppable.  The music was
incredible.  and I felt like a little child
again.  Rediscovering the joy of classical
music.  As soon as it started it came to an
end.  My dreamworld of play came crashing as
I realized that there was an audience as
hordes of clapping filled the theater.  It
made me feel kind of selfish.  It felt a
little like so many people came into my
world and saw it.  They in turn took a piece
of the beauty and I felt selfish.  I gave a
slight gasp when I felt Andrew's hand on my
shoulder.

	"That, my dear friend, was fantastic."

	I blushed at his words and shook my
head slightly.  "It wasn't my best.  But I
liked it."  He led me down the stairs and
sat me down at a table.  People around me
started to talk to me.  I felt a slight
headache start to build.  Never wanting to
appear uncourteous I grinned and beared it.
As my responses came less frequently, the
questions started to dwindle off and one by
one they drifted away, they left to
associate with the others, doing what they
always did, make connections.  I sat there
and listened and ate silently.  Then I felt
a presence by my side.  I let out a soft
sigh.

	Evidently it was loud enough for the
other party to hear.  "Can I sit here?"  The
stranger nervously asked.

	"Of course.  Feel free to."

	I could feel his smile and his whole
aura shone.  It wasn't fake and decorated
like the others.  It was ... pure.  I
expected him to give me the million same
questions that everyone had a tendency to
ask, but his next words startled me.  "I had
hoped you played the Moonlight Sonata."
What an interesting man.  We talked and
talked, argued, listened to each other, and
we were just talking about music.  It was
fun and I felt myself feel at ease for the
first time I was with strangers.  I was
having a great time when Andrew came and
whispered into my ear.  "We need to go now.
The event is going to end soon.  But I see
you are having fun.  I'm glad."

	I tilted my head so that Andrew could
see my smile, I reached up and caressed the
side of his cheek.  "Thank you.  I had a
great time."  I directed my attention to my
new correspondence and asked, "We've had
this great conversation and it feels like I
knew you forever.  But the funny thing is, I
don't know your name.  May I have the
pleasure in asking?"

	"Of course!  I know yours but it's
really unfair of me to not tell you mine.
My name is Joshua Scott Chasez."

	"Joshua Scott Chasez?"  I replied with
a disbelief.  Disbelief turned into horror.
Surely, there couldn't be two people with
the same exact name?  Could there be?  God
no.  Not now.  Not him.  That was all I
could think before everything turned black.