Date: 16 Jan 2001 12:44:00 -0500
From: ice_81@gurlmail.com
Subject: As Time Goes By - Last in the 'Unloved' series
And here we are, the last part of the Unloved series. I hope you
enjoyed it, and if not, bite me =)
Disclaimer: As far as I know, Nsync are banging girls, not each other =)
=====
As Time Goes By (Last)
Copyright 2001 Ice
A man in his late twenties pushed open the door to his favorite
club. The dark dingy "Lush" had to be his favorite. He could get anything
he wanted here. Sure, he'd used drugs a few times. He usually only came
in on Saturday nights, but this Friday was different. Five years ago
tonight his life had been ruined.
All depressing thoughts aside, he headed towards the back of the
club and easily pushed the door open. Just as he expected, there was Marc.
Walking dazedly through the small crowd, he pushed a young teenager aside
and sat down next to Marc.
Marc looked up from his daze and smiled when his favorite client
came into focus. He grinned and pulled out a small black pouch from the
inside of his jacket, handing it to the man next to him. JC smiled back
and leaned forward, taking the twenty dollar bill he was offered. He
remembered handing Marc the two thousand dollars he brought with him as he
lowered his face to the table.
=====
Justin pushed the bottle away and promptly asked for another one.
He was on his, what, fifth beer? Nevermind all those screwdrivers he had
earlier... or the weed he smoked before he arrived at the club. He was
feeling good. Real good. Goddamit, he was NOT supposed to feel GOOD. He
turned around in his seat to survey the crowd.
The techno beat pulsing throughout the club seemed to lift him out
of his seat and carry him into the heat and music and goddamn, he could not
be left alone tonight. Walking through the haze of the club, he grabbed
onto the first girl he saw. Black lipliner outlined her eyes and lips.
Her extremely pale skin contrasted with her fire engine red hair and her
black fishnet shirt she wore over a bra that matched her hair.
He grinned to himself as he wrapped his arms around her waist and
pulled her closer to him, draping a leg of hers around his hip.
She had the wrong body parts, but she'd do.
=====
JC pushed back out into the main room and walked up the stairs to
the bar. He pushed his way through the dancers, stepping on a few feet and
ignoring the remarks from some bitchy freak woman dressed like she was
going to summon the dead. He got to the bar and nodded Jon over,
exchanging few words with his favorite gay bartender.
After Jon pointed out the drunken blonde to him, he pushed back
into the crowd. Feeling as though everything was going in slow motion, he
noticed the bitchy freak was dancing with the man he was going to take back
to his apartment. Who the hell did that whore think she was anyway.
Stepping up behind the blonde, he pushed his throbbing erection
into his ass and wrapped his arms around the blonde's hips. The blonde's
head rolled to the side and dropped slightly on his shoulder, exposing his
neck. He dropped his head down and began to suck hungrily on the blonde's
exposed throat. The redhead bitch was watching him with fire shooting out
of her eyes. Goddamn, if looks could kill.
The beat of the music was effecting his high and his head. He had
to get out of there. NOW. He struggled to pull his head up from the marks
he was making on the blonde's neck and whisper in his ear. After dragging
him away, he realized he had to walk the two blocks to his apartment. The
blonde - oh God, that's all he could see when he looked at him, those curly
blonde locks - offered to drive, so he stupidly got into the car with him.
Giving the directions, he practically sat in the blonde's lap while
they drove to his place. As the blonde was parking the car, he got
completely out of his seat and straddled him. He glanced at him for a
second before reaching down to his shirt and pushing his hands up the front
of it, coming in contact with hard nipples and a muscular chest. Even in
the fucked up state he was in, he managed to pick a guy with a nice body.
Such a shame he couldn't even make out the guy's face.
After some intense groping, he pulled the guy out of the car. Once
they reached the elevator, the blonde pushed him against the wall and
tugged at the top of JC's leather pants. His hands fumbled with the button
and zipper. Goddamn, it's a surprise he didn't pass out. The elevator
dinged and they almost toppled out of it.
JC pushed the blonde down the hall and up against his door, and
after fumbling with the lock and pushing the door open they fell in
together. On the floor, he finally let his mouth cover the blonde's.
Sparks flew as their lips touched. It was the liquor, the high.
Of course it was. JC kicked the door closed behind them. He brought his
hands to the bottom of the blonde's shirt and pulled it off while fumbling
unsteady hands worked to get his pants off. JC sat up on his knees to give
the blonde better access and reached into the table next to the door and
pulled out a tube and square package. God he was fucked up. High as he
was, he still remembered where his fucking condoms were.
He laid back down on top of the blonde as his pants and briefs were
chucked across the hall, joining the shirt already there. He leaned down
and began to work on the blonde's pants while the blonde impatiently tugged
on his shirt. He let his hands go for a minute to take his shirt off, and
continued on the other's pants.
The blonde now had a firm grip on his cock and it seemed he wasn't
going to let go for a second. Finally, JC pulled the pants and boxer
briefs off and tore open the condom package. Fuck foreplay, he needed to
get laid NOW.
He covered the inebriated blonde's dick with the condom and began a
quick lube job. He tried to watch as the blonde squirmed beneath him, but
all he could see was tan skin. He could barely hear the moans and sighs
coming from his mouth either, the sound of the blood rushing through his
body was too intense.
He kneeled on either side of the blonde's body and lowered himself
onto him. Holy shit did this guy have a good cock. He set a fast and
furious pace, placing his hands on the floor on either side of the blonde's
head. He could barely hear himself panting, the distant moans coming from
the body underneath him were covering it up.
The body under him bucked up as hands held onto his hips, guiding
him. He opened his eyes from where his head hung and through his haze he
clearly saw a set of piercing blue ones looking back at him. He closed his
eyes as he came, whispering a name he vowed to never speak again. The
blonde grabbed his hips, forcing him to continue moving for about thirty
more seconds, before filling his insides.
Sighing, JC stood up and looked at the tan blob on the floor.
After pulling the blonde up and offering his bed for the night, JC found
his way into his bedroom and fell onto the bed. He closed his eyes while
feeling the bed dip next to him. He heard the blonde sigh aloud before
falling asleep.
God, he was going to feel like complete shit the next morning.
=====
Justin opened his eyes, and wished he hadn't. The light coming
from the window was shining directly in his face. He moved his head to the
side and HOLY SHIT that was a mistake. A searing pain shot through his
head from the back of his skull. He raised a hand to hold his aching head
and nearly froze when he realized it was pinned underneath someone. In
fact, the whole left side of his body was slightly immobilized.
He looked down and... Oh my God...
His breathing increased rapidly. The pain in his head went away as
the pain in his heart settled in. He tried his hardest to remember what
happened the night before, though it was quite clear. He was at Lush, and
drinking, and wow he vowed to never drink half a bottle of vodka again. He
was dancing and felt someone pull him away.
As he looked around the room, he swallowed thickly and tried not to
throw up. A leather jacket thrown over a chair. A notebook oozing with
papers on top of the nearby desk. A picture stuck in the bottom of the
bare mirror that rested on top of the dresser across the room from him.
A picture of a younger version of himself with... with...
He looked back down at the man pinning him down in his sleep. He
was still, very very still, for a full minute. Then he yanked himself out
from underneath the sleeping... skeleton. He looked at JC Chasez for a
minute and wondered what the FUCK had happened to him. Then shaking his
head lightly (and wishing he hadn't) he backed up into a chair. He began
to breath harshly. He grabbed around for his clothes that he threw on the
floor when he walked in the night before and covered himself.
"What the fuck... WHAT THE FUCK... WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS... JC YOU
FUCKING BASTARD." He stammered out as he tore into his clothes, almost
ripping the material of his boxer briefs as he raced to dress himself.
JC opened his eyes for the briefest of seconds, and closed them
again. But not after catching a glimpse of Justin. His eyes flew open and
he sat straight up in bed. He clutched his head for a second and closed
his eyes. The pain in his head he could deal with, he had before. He just
could NOT open his eyes and look at... at...
"What the fuck are you DOING here?!" JC laced the most venom he
could muster up into his tone. "Get the fuck out of my apartment NOW." He
said after a moment, receiving no response from Justin.
"What the fuck... What the fuck is wrong with you?" Justin threw
on the rest of his clothes and grabbed the wrong jacket. As he picked it
up something fell out of it.
"You should be fucking happy! I fucked you last night, I fucked
your brains out and YOU LIKED IT. Now you're kicking me out of your
apartment, after I give you the one thing you've probably been lusting over
for the past five years!" He raved while he bent down to retrieve what had
fallen out of the coat. He looked at the black pouch, then at the jacket,
and then at the black pouch again. Then up at JC.
JC jumped off the bed wrapping the sheet around his waist and
nearly knocked Justin over.
"Give me that!" He shouted while grabbing at the pouch Justin held
in his hands. Justin pushed the frail body away hard and didn't watch as
JC slammed into the wooden side of his bed, clutching at his hip. He
instead opened the black pouch and poured it's contents onto the floor. JC
dove forward and cupped his hands underneath the white powder that was
quickly falling to the worn carpet. Justin watched as his former best
friend and object of his love sank to his knees and lowered his head.
"You sick fuck," He whispered. JC raised his head and Justin could
see the hatred in his eyes through the tears.
"Get the fuck out of here." He meant to shout it, he really did.
But his voice came out hoarse and meek. When Justin didn't move JC pushed
the man's body away from him and stood up. Justin reached out to JC but JC
smacked his hand away.
Frowning, Justin opened his mouth to apologize and reached out
again for JC. This time though, JC hit Justin's face. Justin stared at
the person he once called his best friend.
"Fuck you JC," He said in an even tone. "Fuck everything. If you
wanna fuck your life up like this, go for it. I couldn't give a shit
either way." He turned around and grabbed his jacket, and made a hasty
retreat for the front door. Behind him, he heard a muffled cry.
"Did you ever?"
Justin slammed the door and ran out of the building down to his
car. Once inside, he quickly accelerated and burst into the street.
Speeding to his house, he barely concentrated on the road, running red
lights and dodging cars as he thought of those last three words he heard.
"Did you ever?"
Even after the loud screech of tires, and tinny sprinkle of
shattering glass coursed through his ears, those were the last three words
he heard before everything turned black.
=====
The man carefully balanced his tray as he climbed the stairs of the
house he now called home. Reaching the top, he pushed open the cracked
door and made his way into the room. Walking in a little bit, he set the
tray down on the bedside table and sat down next to the lifeless body. He
sat the body up and reached out for the spoon set in the broth he had
brought upstairs to the bedroom.
"Come on sweetie, open up." JC coaxed the comatose Justin. He
opened Justin's mouth like he had for the past ten years and spoon fed
Justin gently. After feeding the man, he laid Justin carefully back down
and made his way over to the desk a few feet away from the bed. He glanced
at the framed picture sitting on the side of the desk before sighing aloud.
Reaching into a drawer, he pulled out a notebook. Even though he
had been done his visits to his doctor for a long time, he still kept a
journal.
===== Justin, =====
JC smiled. He still chuckled to himself at the thought of naming
his journal after Justin. But it was the only way he could talk to the man
and feel as though he were really listening. He put his pen back to the
paper.
=====
I don't even know why I do this anymore. It's not like I ever
expect you to come back to me. But do you know what today is, Justin?
It's my tenth. That's right, my tenth year of being completely straight.
Not even alcohol. I swear, if you could just see how I am, you would be so
proud of me. I haven't touched anything. Nothing. It's not even a
struggle for me anymore. All I have to do is look down at you and see the
beauty radiating off of your face and think of how you're going to smile at
me when you wake up. Because you will wake up Justin. I know you will.
Hey, Joey came by yesterday. Him and Britney are doing so well Justin. He
brought Randy with him. I swear, the kid gets at least two inches taller
every time I see him. Joe said he saw your mother the other day... =====
JC stopped writing for a minute and closed his eyes.
["Joshua Chasez you have NO FUCKING RIGHT to take my baby away from
me!" Lynn screamed at him. Jonathan was behind her along with his
girlfriend and he was desperately trying to calm his mother down.
"Please mom, you know he needs this." He pleaded. Lynn wretched
herself away from her son's grasp and advanced towards JC who was sitting
uncomfortably on the couch in Justin's house. Now THEIR house.
"You MADE him this vegetable JC! How can you say you love him when
you're the reason he's like this! You MADE him love you before, you turned
my son into a fucking fag and now look at what you've done!" She screamed
at the man in front of her.
JC pushed back his tears and stood up.
"Lynn, I didn't ask you to come over so you could degrade me. I
didn't ask you to come over so you could tell me what a fag your son is,"
JC started, looking into the eyes of the woman he used to call his mother.
"I asked you to come over to see your son. The child of yours that
I love." JC choked out quietly. "But if all you can tell me are things I
already know, than why did you bother coming in the first place?" He held
back his tears. He was not going to cry in front of her.
"I'm taking him home. Back to my house. I'm selling this house
and you're moving out." She told him. JC smiled and retaliated.
"See, that's where you're wrong Lynn," JC started. "I live here
now. This isn't your house. And you sure as hell aren't Justin's keeper
anymore. You gave up that right when you kicked him out of your house for
being gay. You are NOT taking him away from me, do you understand? You
have two options. You can either walk out that door and never come back,
never be in your son's life again. Or you can go upstairs and see him.
Stay in his life. You decide."]
JC delivered the ultimatum. He didn't expect her to actually walk
out. He didn't expect her to shut her son out of her life. The moment she
walked out the door, the phone calls stopped. No casual visits. Only
Jonathan and Paul stopped by. Paul tried desperately to have Lynn show up,
but she wouldn't budge.
Opening his eyes, he glanced over at the bed. The dull blue eyes
stared lifelessly at the ceiling. Even then they were still beautiful.
JC sighed and returned to his notebook.
=====
I'm so sorry Justin. I never meant for this to happen. Any of it.
If I could go back in time and change it all, I would. I wouldn't have
ever told you I was in love with you. I know somewhere in the previous
pages in this book, I said that if I had the chance I would go back in time
to the night I saw you at Lush, or the night you kissed me. No, I would
have gone back to the night I told you. I wish I could take it all back.
I would rather live a thousand more years with only your honest love and
friendship than this painful reality that screams at me every day that
you'll never come back to me. You WILL Justin. You have to. =====
JC set his pen down. The tears in his eyes were making it hard for
him to see. He pushed away the notebook and moved back to the bed. Laying
down next to Justin, he pulled one of Justin's arms around his body. He
closed his eyes and imagined Justin squeezing him a little bit. He hugged
the lifeless body and shut his eyes as the tears leaked out of them.
"You WILL come back to me, won't you Justin?" JC asked, afraid.
Afraid of never having Justin again. Afraid of never being able to tell
Justin how sorry he was. Afraid of being unloved.
"Won't you Justin?"
=====
Well, I hope you enjoyed it, depressing as it was. If you really hate
me after reading this and wanna email me and tell me so, go for it =)
*Ice*