Date: Sat, 17 Apr 1999 18:40:49 EDT From: AsnYang@aol.com Subject: The Next Day I've been told by some that people don't know who 98 Degrees is. I've got two things to say to those people. 1) What the hell is wrong with you? 2) Here's a link to check them out if you want: http://www.98degrees.com . Click on Bio, then Nick to see what he looks like (the pic does him no justice) and get basic info about him. Now, next order of business, I sorta forgot this in the last story and I'll put it in now (for the rest of you who didn't see my address at the top), send criticism or whatever to asnyang@aol.com . Okay, time to shut up now. (One last thing, I didn't fall asleep in the previous part.) The Next Day KNOCK KNOCK! My eyes immediately snapped open when the first knock sounded. "Rodin! Cmon, we gotta go!" Lily's voice came booming through the door and Nick and I got up from our place on his bed as fast as we could; we were running around, grabbing clothes, throwing clothes at each, trying to put them on quickly. "Be right there!" I called out. "Hurry up. We've been here long enough as it is. Remember, imposing?" "OK, hold on!" I heard her retreating back down the hallway as I pulled my shirt on. I ran into the bathroom, taking a quick glance. When I was satisfied with my appearance, I walked over to where Nick was sitting on the bed. "That was exhilarating, to say the least, Nick," I said as I put one hand under his chin. I tilted it up to face me. I linked my other hand into his. "Same here." I leaned in and kissed him with a kiss that wasn't as forceful as our first ones, but still electrifying. We kissed for a few seconds when there came another knock on the door. "RODIN!" Our lips temporarily glued together, I pulled away from him, bit by bit. I turned and my hands unlinked from his, so slowly, they lingered in the air, still aching for another touch. I left the room. We rode the elevator in silence and walked to the lobby, standing in front of the hotel, waiting for a limo that had been called for us by the guys. I could tell that Lily wanted to say something, but couldn't find a way to start it. As she was about to, the limo came and we got on. I just sat back as Lily gave the driver directions. I started gathering my thoughts in my mind about what had happened between me and Nick; how unexpected it was, how strange it was, how wonderful, amazing, incredible, and basically any other adjective possible it had been. "Rodin? Rodin? Are you listening to me?" "Huh? What? Yeah, I am?" "Sure. What did I just say? Ugh, nevermind. I'll just say it again. What the hell took you so long?" Lily asked. "Sorry, we were just uh...watching TV and I really didn't want to miss it so I was waiting for the commercial. Then I had to go the bathroom." "Sure," she said. I just stared straight out the window, fidgeting from her suspicious gaze. "You know, the guys told me something about Nick." "They did? What was it?" "I'm pretty sure you already know." "I'm pretty sure I don't." "He's gay." "Oh." "Are you?" "Huh?" I was stunned, paralyzed. This was NOT a question I had been anticipating. "Are you gay, too?" "Would it be bad if I was?" "That's not for me to decide. However, you DO know how I feel about homosexuals." "Yeah, you're scared of them." "Yeah. So, I'm guessing the answer is yes then?" "...Yeah. Do you hate me?" "Truthfully, I don't know. I never would've thought you were gay. Out of all my guy friends, I would've picked someone like Alex Onish over you any day." I laughed. "Yeah, Alex does act pretty gay." "Hey, is this the big secret you couldn't tell me?" "Yup. Disappointed?" "Naw. Hey, wait a sec, this was one of my guesses as to what the secret was." "I know," I grinned, "fooled you, didn't I?" "Asshole." She smiled. "Exactly. Wait, you ain't gonna tell anyone are you?" "Of course not! I'm a better friend than that. I just don't know how I feel about it right now, but I know I won't ever share it unless you say so." "Thanks. You don't know how good it is to finally tell someone. It's like I'm finally free. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do." I moved over to her side of the seat and hugged her. My eyes started to tear. "Oh god, I'm crying." "Whoa, rare Kodak moment." "Shut up." "Hmmmm...I think there's a supposed to be a tissue around here. Oh well, can't find. Just gonna hafta use your sleeve." "It's okay. I'm sure I'll live." "Okay then. So are you gonna tell anyone else?" "I...don't know. I've heard that it's easier on the second person, but I just can't be sure who to trust." "Makes sense. Got any candidates in mind?" "Well, what do you think of Sorina?" "Strizak?" I nodded. "She's got a pretty open mind and hasn't she mentioned it doesn't matter whether or not people are gay?" I nodded again. "Then she's a good choice. Any others?" "Ummm...Kitty?" "Kuo? I'm not really friends with her, so I can't give you an opinion on that." I sighed. "Life really sucks. Too many choices." "It's okay. I'll stand by you and help you no matter what." "Thanks again. Aw crap, the tears are coming again. Just when I got them to stop." She laughed. "Hey, not funny. Especially when there aren't any tissues." She laughed again. "That wasn't that funny, you know." "I know. I dunno why I'm laughing." "Okay then." We made the rest of the trip in silence and when we arrived at Lily's house, I hugged her again. We waited until she had gone in and then I told the driver how to get to my own house. When I got in, I avoided everyone and walked to my room. After locking the door, hitting play on the stereo, I laid down on the bed and ran the recent events through my head again. Nick, Nick in clothes, Nick out of clothes, Nick in bed, me coming out. The tears started streaming down the side of my face again, each one hitting its familiar place on my pillow. They fell to the soft, steady beat of Monica's song, "Angel of Mine." I reached for my tissues and got up to drag my trash can next to my bed. Then, for the first time, as the sobs came harder and harder, I cried myself to sleep. ------------- I woke suddenly, sitting up as if awaking from a harrowing nightmare. My eyes flicked open quickly; immediately, they shut from the dazzling sunshine flowing into the room. I reopened them cautiously and they eventually adjusted. As I stared at the dust wafting in the sunlight, the previous day's events came torrenting back at me for what seemed like the millionth time. All the thoughts were good though so I was content in just laying there and reliving the blithe moments. Besides, there was a lethargic mood in the air as there usually is on a Sunday morning. "Angel of Mine" was still playing. As it played, I listened to the words and began to realize, slowly at first, that this was all about Nick. The words were made to talk about him, the melody produced to show him, and the message created to be him. However, this song was about two people. No, it couldn't be. It wasn't. I had fallen in love with Nick. With this new found knowledge, I didn't feel as lazy anymore. Thus, I got myself out of bed and picked out an outfit for myself; then I gathered it all up along with my antiperspirant and walked to the bathroom. Thankfully, there was noone there. After closing and locking the door, I turned on the hot water. A fiery, steamy shower was in order. I stripped and looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red, my lips set in a what seemed to be an interminable smile. Looking away, I decided to brush in the shower, so I put some toothpaste onto the ugly, yellow toothbrush. The change in the pitch of the water cascading out of the faucet told to me the water had become blistering. I adjusted the knobs until the temperature desired was reached. Not too cold, not too warm, just perfectly scalding. As the water came scorching down onto me, I let out a sigh and felt my muscles relaxing. My eyes closed, my face tilted up, I turned to face the showerhead and started brushing my teeth. It was a quick process and after shampooing and soaping, I luxuriated in the scalding rain. "I love showers," I thought to myself. I shut off the water. When I was dry, I got dressed and walked to my room to get the Mya CD. I glanced at the stereo clock as I went downstairs; it was only 10:30, early for a Saturday morning. I carried the bowl of Corn Pops I poured for myself to in front of the computer. My sister was watching T.V. in the same room. I just ignored her and turned on the computer. The familiar beeping of the modem as it connected was for some reason, soothing. I hit play on the CD player and the first song I had programmed, "I Wouldn't Cry For You If You Died Cus You Never Loved Me Anyway" flowed out of the speakers. I scanned through the everyday pile of email I had and started IM-ing a couple people using ICQ as well as Instant Messenger. Then I remembered a very crucial detail of the conversation I'd had yesterday with 98 Degrees; they had a sn, 9DgReS8. It was so obvious, it seemed as if they were mocking everybody, challenging people to IM them. As I added it to my buddy list, I prayed Nick would be on. The sound of a door opening never sounded more mellifluous to me nor was the sight of the * that signified someone had just signed on more delightful. "Heyo! This is Rodin. Who's using the comp now?" "Hey. It's Jeff." "Oh. Okis, how you doing?" "Just an oh? What's wrong? Wishing for Nick? <G> Sorry, but he's still sleeping. I'm just fine. You?" "I'm all good. You checking your mail?" "Yeah, gotta look for an email from our manager. We hitting the road soon and there is that release of "The Hardest Thing," video on TRL coming up. We need to be there to help promote it." "Oooh, fun. Where you guys touring?" "Couple places, I'm not sure. The big cities of course: NYC, Newark, that sorta thing." "Got it. Cross country?" "Yeah, hopefully, our album'll make it big. Really BIG." "I have no doubt that it will. You guys are really good. I'm glad you're releasing "The Hardest Thing" first. It's really good." "Oh yeah, that reminds me, wait till you see it. Guess who's gonna be half naked and lifting weights in that?" "Your kidding. Oh my god, I have got to see it." "Hahaha, I knew you'd like. But this also reminds me...wait, I'll let Nick tell you himself." "Hi. This is Nick." "Yeah, I kinda figured. So, sleep well?" "Yeah. Okay, I've got something I have to tell you." "Okis, go on." "Well, let me start out with you were great yesterday. Beyond great, spectacular." "Gee, thanks. You weren't too shabby yourself." "Thanks, but ummm...well...I just wanna say this was a one-time thing. No second chances unless maybe I'm in town again. I hope you're not too hurt. You understand right?" "So this has been a setup? All this feigned? Do you know what I'm feeling? I was so DAMN happy this morning because I had just discovered that I have feelings for you. More than feelings, it's a need, a want to BE with you. Now you tell me I'm like a cheap two-cent whore. The worst part is that I JUST. DIDN'T. KNOW. IT. GO TO HELL NICK LACHEY!" "You...love me? That can't be. We met YESTERDAY for Christ's sakes! No, you'll get over it. I'm sure." I didn't retort anything. Instead, I added the first name on my block list, then signed off. I shut down the computer quickly, grabbed my CD, and practically flew upstairs. The waterworks broke out again. Harder, faster, stronger. It came in great floods and I gasped for air, from sobbing so hard, many times. "I HATE NICK LACHEY!" I thought. "I HATE NICK LACHEY!" I screamed. The house shuddered on it foundation as I punched the wall repeatedly. Sobbing, screaming, punching. My sister started bombarding me with questions, "Rodin? Are you okay? Who's Nick?" "GO AWAY! I don't want to TALK ABOUT IT!" I hollered. "Okay...just don't destroy the wall." "Suicide is looking pretty good right about now," I thought to myself, "maybe these scissors will do the job." I picked them up and pointed it straight at my navel. I pulled back the scissors, ready to turn the sky blue carpet a beautiful shade of red. As the point reached me and touched my shirt, I stopped. It was an impossible task. I would have to live intolerable, excruciating heartache. I pounded my chest, frustrated that I couldn't kill myself and end this affliction that had suddenly seized me in its icy-cold, heart-breaking jaws. There was no reason left to live, so why bother. I crumpled to my knees and assumed a praying position. However, praying was not on my mind. Instead, methods of quicker and easier killings infested my mind. Life sucked. Then, I remembered. In my sister's room, her window opened to the lower roof. If I fell from there, it was definite that death would swallow me whole. Eager to complete the new mission, I ran out of my room and into my sister's. Luck was finally with me; she wasn't in the room. The 3 different layers of the window refused to budge, almost as if they were telling me not to jump. Eventually, I was able to get the window open and I climbed out. The view was actually an impressive one considering it was only of the backyard forest and the road in front. Standing up tall and proud, I walked to the edge with the deck underneath. If the fall was not enough, the wood would definitely pierce me and put this miserable puppy to sleep. All the while this was going on, the online conversation replayed over and over in my head. It was as if it was a crappy song, looped, doomed to play until I stopped it. My toes touched air. I was at the edge. Giving up was not an option and reverse was not in the present vocabulary, which consisted of "Nick Lachey Die, Nick Lachey die, etc." The wind was picking up and I felt it touch my face, colder than an icy rain. My eyes closed and I took a step forward. <<<<<------------->>>>>> I've been told by some that people don't know who 98 Degrees is. I've got two things to say to those people: 1) What the heck is wrong with you? 2) Here's a link to check them out if you want: http://www.98degrees.com . Click on Bio, then Nick to see what he looks like (the pic does him no justice) and get basic info about him. Now, next order of business, I sorta forgot this in the last story and I'll put it in now (for the rest of you who didn't see my address at the top), send criticism or whatever to asnyang@aol.com .