Date: Tue, 08 Apr 2003 20:42:26 +0000
From: Nick Shafer <s4shafer@hotmail.com>
Subject: Never Had A Dream Come True 11-12

Never Had A Dream Come True
By Nick Shafer Copyright 2003

For all the latest updates and my other stories please check out my website
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Love Nick

CHAPTER 11

As the weeks rolled by, Lee dropped into the routine of an S Club
member. Up early in the morning -- either at the apartment, or at his
studio room (Bradley was empty now) -- and straight to the gym. Then at
about 11.00 there was studio vocal practice for two hours, and then
lunch. The afternoon was a gruelling session with Nick, as he put the
troupe through the paces of their most ambitious dance routine yet.  Should
he survive that, then a light supper awaited him at home (all part of Nicks
strict diet regime) and then free time in the evening. So much for band
high life!  Yet, there had been a few interesting moments. He'd had his
first press interview today, "The `New Look' S Club 7" for SMASH UK
magazine. And he, as the new member, was the focus for all the
attention. Really weird questions too, like what his favourite smell was,
like people wanted to know that? And then the questions he'd been
dreading. The Questions about Bradley. The band became serious, and Paul
barely said a word. Lee knew Paul hated interviews anyway, and couldn't
stand to see him like this.

Bradley's loss had been haunting him since he started. He didn't like to
say anything to the others, but Paul was still having nightmares every
night were he screamed Bradley's name. Lee would often spend much of the
night with Paul crying in his arms. Jesus, how would he even explain his
presence in Paul's room, let alone that!  What was worse, he could never
find the right words in the morning to talk to Paul about it. He'd always
be on the verge of tears, or worse. Lee needed to know what had happened on
that day in Phoenix. He loved Paul so much that he would face anything with
him, he would go through it with him, but Paul bottled it all up.  Justin,
now that was another problem, he'd been acting peculiarly ever since he
shared a room with Dan. Of course Lee knew that nothing `serious' had
happened between them. At least he didn't think so. Shit, he hadn't even
seen Justin in days.  What sort of friend was he being? He resolved that
when he'd spoken to Paul he would have some quality time with Justin.

He needn't have worried really, because as far as Justin was concerned, he
was having the time of his life. Any time not spent studying -- hey, the
boy had a law degree to do, we can't all be popstars' -- was spent with his
new best friend Dan. Dan certainly wasn't a replacement for Lee, but the
two got on so well, and with Lee recording all the time, he was the perfect
person to chill with.  Not, I might add, that anything had happened between
the two since the night they met. Much to Dan's disappointment. Justin
however seemed relieved that he had found such a good friend, and that Dan
wasn't pushing anything on him just yet. He still wasn't sure how he felt
about another relationship. Besides, it would only spoil the fun they were
having as mates.

Not to dispel the feeling of joy in the Happy Camp that S club has become,
I might also add that Jon, far from being his unhappy solitary self, and
moping about lost love had also found a new friend. Nick. And since Nick
had quickly been accepted into the Club family, the two spent most free
time at a local café, or playing playstation in the den.

It was just a shame that their job seemed to interrupt all the fun. But
alas, the life of a popstar isn't all glitz -- or so I'm told -- though if
you can demand anything you want in your room at a show, its not all that
bad. I digress...

" Paul man...look I gotta talk to you."

"Yes Hunnybun baby-wabey love of my life what is it" Paul practically
drooled into Lee's ear. "Would you like to go back to the room and we
can...chat there"

"Yeah ok, but I'm serious about this talk Paul."  Paul snapped out of his
funny mood. "What is it baby, have I done something wrong.  Is something
wrong?"

"No its not that Paul", Lee continued as he closed the door behind
him. "Its you I'm worried about. Come sit here with me on the bed."

Lee placed his arms gently around Paul as he sat down. "I'm worried about
you."  Paul's face clouded over with worry.

"What, what am I doing wrong"

"Nothing, nothing baby. Look it's these dreams. Its about you and Bradley's
death. I need you to be honest with me and tell me what happened."  Tears
began to form in Paul's eyes.

"Look baby, please don't cry. I'm here with you; I need you to tell me
everything. I read what the newspapers reported, but it's not the full
story. I need to know why you blame yourself. I want you to share this with
me so I can help you overcome it, and more than that I want you to know you
can trust me and I'll always be here to listen to your problems."

Paul turned to face Lee, who wiped the tears away from his face. "Thank
you...I don't know how you can love me so much...It all started...I don't
know how to begin..."

"Shhh baby, take it slowly, be calm"

"It was the night after the final shoot for phoenix seven, and we were
partying up on canyon ridge...and and" Paul gasped " we all had been
drinking and celebrating.  Anyway Brad had been in an argument with Jo,
he'd called her terrible things. So I went to talk to him. Oh God, if I'd
just let him alone..."

Paul broke down, and Lee held him close for several minutes before he could
continue.

" And Brad and I argued, and I screamed at him...before I knew it he'd
jumped in the car and taken off. He was drunk and...at that time of night
and..."  Paul collapsed on the bed. And Lee held Paul's head to him, gently
soothing him, and stroking his hair. "Its ok Paul, I'm here, its ok."  Paul
pushed himself up on the bed. His face was streaked with tears. He spoke
with a choking voice barely above a whisper. " We never saw him again...and
I drove him away...and I'll never ever be forgiven. Because the last words
he ever heard were the threats I yelled...and he'll never no how much we
loved him."  Lee sobbed now, sobbed for all the pain that Paul had bottled
up for so long. So much pain, it would have driven anyone to despair.

Paul pushed out the last few words " That's why you can't love me, you
mustn't love me. Because I killed Bradley, because I'm a monster. A
monster!"

Paul collapsed again on the bed and his tears flowed freely over the
pillow.  The pillows muffled his gasps and sobs and he shuddered
violently. Lee could do nothing but hold him tight.

" You are not a monster Paul. You could never be a monster. Don't even
think it. You mustn't. I love you beyond all measure of the heavens. I love
you more than anything in this world, beyond anyone. You are my light, my
life, my soul, and my inspiration.  You are the reason I get up in the
morning, the reason I smile as I sleep at night. No- one could ever replace
you, and no-one will take you from me."  Paul continued sobbing into the
sheets.

" You didn't kill Bradley, it was an accident, a terrible accident, but an
accident none the less. You are no killer and no monster Paul. You a
wonderful person and you have suffered enough. I know with all my heart
that Bradley does not blame you.  He's watching us all now, and he would
want you to be happy, for all of our sakes. To be strong for Jo. She has
forgiven you Paul, all have. You have to learn to forgive yourself."

Paul pushed himself level with Lee and looked deep into his eyes. " Could
you forgive me, could you live with this monster? "

"Till the end of time."

Paul fell into Lee's arms, and Lee kissed his hair, stroking him gently
till his sobbing decreased. And together they fell asleep.

"Well should we call it a night man?"

"Yeah if you want to Just, I'm completely knackered."

" We'll meet up with the others tomorrow for lunch k Dan!"

"Yeah sure...well umm goodnight!"

"Yeah, bye man."

Justin pulled Dan into a hug before ruffling his hair and saying goodbye.

"Goodnight"

"Night"

`Dammit' thought Dan. `Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit.' Why was Justin being like
this? He so wanted to comfort him, and it was so obvious Justin was
hurting. And tonight...tonight he'd been glowing Red when he hugged
Dan. Red that was passion pure and simple. Yet nothing had happened since
that night almost a month ago. Was it him? Had he frightened Justin, was
there something wrong with him. He looked down and was shocked to see a
darker black surrounding him. Darker than the night itself.

Oh great, he had to get a grip on himself. If he was making himself this
angry he could see why Justin didn't want him. `Ah Well, at least we'll
meet tomorrow' he thought. Hands in pockets, with an aura of anger anyone
could of felt Dan Kyte walked off into the night.

Paul woke first the next morning and looked down at the figure of his
sleeping boyfriend. `How can anyone love me as much as he does?' he
thought. `How can anyone be so caring and beautiful and understanding. He
IS the most wonderful person in the world.'

Lee snuggled up against Paul, who ran his fingers lightly down his
body. Lee smiled and groggily opened his eyes. " Morning baby "

" Hullo sleepy head, you know you look beautiful when you wake up. "

"Yer I know " Lee laughed.

Paul kissed him deeply, pulling their heads together. " I want to thank you
for last night" he told Lee. "You've helped me feel much better about
everything. For the first time in a year I haven't had a nightmare. For the
first time, I can feel forgiven."  A huge smile spread across Paul's face,
and Lee kissed him on the forehead.  "You know I love you Paul, and I'll
never let you go."  Paul and Lee were the first up, and helped themselves
to breakfast before moving to the lounge to watch TV. As lunchtime rolled
around Paul, smiling took Lee's hand and lead him out to the balcony. Lee
looked into his lovers face, the tearstains from last night had all
disappeared, and for the first time in a long time there was a look of calm
and happiness.

"This is where we first met" Paul said "when I first ran into the most
important person in my life." Paul turned to Lee. "I want you to be with me
always Lee, I never want you to leave me. I've got something for you."

Paul fumbled in his pocket producing a small black felt bag. From this he
picked out two identical rings, bands of plane silver with a simple
hourglass etched into them.

"For you Lee, the symbol of my love, look at the empty hourglass, the time
for us together will never run out. Be mine Lee, always. Please."  Lee was
speechless, and tears appeared in his eyes. All he could do was nod and
Paul gently slipped the ring onto his finger, placing the matching one on
his own. Standing on the balcony Lee pulled Paul into a kiss, a kiss that
said everything.  They would be happy, and they would be together forever.

There was a cough from inside. Lee and Paul turned, both with equal horror
on their faces. In front of them, just beyond the glass stood the rest of
the band.  Rachael, Jo, Hannah and Tina stood with a look of disbelief on
their faces. Jon seemed to be holding back tears and shaking, whilst beside
him Nick just let his mouth fall open.  Simon was there too, unable to say
a word. Finally just to complete the group an awkward looking Justin and
Dan stood shuffling their feet, looking more than embarrassed.

Lee spoke up first. " I guess we've got some explaining to do"

"Oh yeah" Simon finally coughed "Oh Yeah"

CHAPTER 12

Lee and Paul were speechless. What could you say in a situation like this?
Lee was in despair, was this it? Was his career, his friendship and his
love all over.  In just one moment!

"Well", Paul broke the silence. "Lee and I are well...we're in love. And we
want to be together."

Paul was expecting the worst. Screaming, insults, anything. But he wasn't
anyway prepared for what happened next. Jo stepped forward, took a deep
breath and embraced Paul and Lee.

" That's great guy's, I'm so happy for you. I always said you'd be a catch
Lee." She added giggling.

Next Tina, Hannah, and Rachael followed suit.

"We're so proud of you."

"That's amazing, you've found love...that's great."

"But.." stammered Lee " what about us being...well you know." He swallowed
"Gay"

"The girls looked to each other as if they had considered it for the first
time. Jo summed up their combined feelings. "So What. You're in love
sillies. You think we wouldn't love you just cause your gay. What do you
think this is, the middle ages."

She laughed. " We're not homophobic you know"

"Yeah" continued Tina " we will always love you guys. You're the greatest."

Paul and Lee relaxed a little before turning to face Simon. He had an odd
look on his face. It took a moment before he spoke. " Well I'm as happy as
the girls for you two" he admitted. " But this is very very
complicated. You two must consider your careers.  I'm fully prepared to
support your relationship...but out of the spotlight.  You must understand
this. Our target audience...especially with you Paul, and Jon and Lee, is
teenage girls. What will they say when they find out their idols, the very
boys whose posters adorn their walls and wardrobes are gay. What do you
say?"  Lee and Paul nodded. Paul spoke up them " Thank you Simon, I don't
think we're ready to tell the world now anyway. We weren't really ready to
tell you lot yet I guess.  But maybe one day..."

" Well" interrupted Simon. " When that one day finally comes we'll overcome
that hurdle. Until then I'll remind you both to keep professional in the
spotlight and try to control yourselves. Otherwise, I'm very happy for
you." Finally he patted the boys quickly on the back before excusing
himself to allow the rest of the group to talk.  Dan and Justin, who had
been previously silent now added their combined consent.

"You know what we think guys" started Justin. "Yeah" said Dan " You know we
support you whatever.

Jon, who had been silent since Paul had begun talking finally spoke. "No, I
don't believe it. I don't believe you'd do this Paul...No!" Jon uttered a
barely audible cry.

"You lied to me Paul, you lied" he screamed, unable to contain is anger and
tears.

Paul went white and started gesturing to Jon to be quite. But Lee
interrupted. " What wrong Jon, I'm sorry if you can't accept Paul and I
being gay but that's no reason..."

"Oh Fuck off" Jon responded. " Don't you think I knew about your precious
boyfriend to begin with?" Tears were falling down Jon's face. " Well maybe
there's something else you should know..."

"No Jon" pleaded Paul, "please don't"

"Your beloved boyfriend there and I were together before. Yes, just like
you. He promised to love me too...and then, and then..."

Jon turned on his heels and ran out of the room, whilst the others watched
him in disbelief. The girls could hardly believe it. Jon, he was gay too?
And what had happened between him and Paul?

Paul turned desperately to Lee, but Lee was already backing away from him.
His hands outstretched as if ready to push Paul away.

"Please Lee, there's more too it, its not like that, you have to
understand..."

Lee was shaking his head, and began shuddering, somewhere between laughter
and tears. "No Paul, no I don't think so..." Lee too now turned and fled
the room.  Unable to contain himself anymore.

Nick too was in a total state of shock. He couldn't believe what he'd just
heard. Jon, the boy he'd spent so much time with...and Paul. What was going
on. Suddenly he felt sorry, sorry for Jon.. And very angry. "Shit man"...he
screamed at Paul, "what have you done" He turned to the girls. "I'm going
to find Jon" before storming out.  But Paul had already collapsed on the
floor before he heard any of Nick's words. His whole life had been
shattered in just a few seconds. He couldn't comprehend what had just
happened. Everyone knew now. And they were happy and then...but it wasn't
like that with Jon, that was why he'd been so afraid of telling everyone,
he knew now. If he could only make Lee understand. He'd lost him forever,
and they all hated him now. Lee was gone. He wanted to curl up and
disappear. He wanted to die.  He'd hurt Bradley, and now he'd driven the
only love of his life away.  Forever.  Justin hadn't said anything yet, and
his main concern was the fleeting Lee.  He turned to Dan " I'm going after
Lee." But Dan seemed to be having troubles of his own. His hands were
clutched to the sides of his head. " Jesus are you ok man" asked Justin.

"I'm fine" replied Dan through gritted teeth. "Just go and find
Lee..quickly. There's no telling what he might do! We'll look after Paul"

Justin nodded and then ran, wherever Lee was, he'd find him. The girls had
gathered themselves around Paul. But what could they say thought
Rachael. They'd found out barely moments ago that Paul and Lee were gay,
and that they loved each other and were in a relationship. And then Jon had
screamed. And now he was gay too.  And he'd split with Paul and hated him
and Lee. And then Nick had screamed and disappeared, then Lee. And now,
well now they were left with Paul, sobbing on the floor. What could you
say?

"Paul, I'm sorry."

Dan Kyte's eyes were still screwed very tightly shut. He really, really
didn't want to open them. He was afraid, if he did, it was very possible
he'd go blind. Or mad. Or both. And god was his head spinning. Worse, It
felt like someone had smacked him in the face with a shovel.

Now, this is not a normal ailment.

The emotions generated by the argument. Love shattering. Deepest hatred.
True Love.  Deepest desire. Pure anger. Ok, he could handle those emotions
one by one.  But four people all thinking at once. All of them! In the same
room! (And he was very shocked by some that certain people were showing...)
It was like he was tripping. The colours.  And then, the anger, well he had
to stop himself being pushed to his knees too. Yes, his was a great gift, a
gift to allow you to empathise with others beyond any imaginable level. But
a gift you could control. No, no way at all.  Dan took a deep breath, and
focused. Physically he pushed outwards with his arms, ` Calm' he thought,
`I am calm.' He opened his eyes. There was a green haze around him, whilst
jets of black led off to the doors, feint blotches of purple, red and black
still hung in the air. And in front of him, doubled up on the floor was
Paul, surrounded by darkest blue.  `switch off god dammit' Dan concentrated
with all his might. A little control would be very helpful right
now. Slowly the colours faded. Dan dropped to his knees, cradling Paul's
head in his lap. " Oh Paul " he soothed him, "What are we going to do?
What are we going to do?"

" Lee where are you, for God's sake, where are you" Justin was running
frantically around the complex, he had no idea what was going through Lee's
head. Or if he did, he didn't want to think about it. He caught the arm of
a secretarial assistant as she tottered past, a bundle of documents in here
arms.

"Have you seen Mr Burton go past here", he gaped into the young girls ear.

" Yes sir" she smiled pleasantly. In fact, you've just missed him. He's
just been through the lobby. Are you Mr Lloyd Taylor?"  Justin raised an
eyebrow. " Yes..."

"Oh well that is good" the girl continued to beam politely. "If you'd like
to come with me he left a message for you at reception . Something about
borrowing a car.  By the way, he did seem so awfully upset!"

" Jon, Jon it's me Nick. I know you're here. Please let me in."

No reply.

"Jon, if you don't let me in I'm going to barge the door down"

Nothing

"Jon, you know I'll do it. You've got until the count of 3. 1...2..."

Click

Paul wouldn't speak. Despite any prompting from Dan, he couldn't get a word
from his friend's lips. " Paul, why didn't you tell me about this." - Well
that wasn't the best line. " Paul, look Lee will come back. He's just a bit
angry." - Yeah like understatement of the century. " He'll forgive you. You
just need to talk to him. You need to be honest with him" - It'd help if
you were honest with me!  Paul continued sobbing. " Lee, Lee"

"Girls, could you excuse us" said Justin sitting up. Their confusion and
agitation at the situation was plane to see. They were begging to get out.

"Of course" said Tina, feeling somewhat relieved. "Call us if you need us"

"Now Paul", said Dan when they had gone. "What's going on" Dan closed his
eyes.

"He did what!"

The secretary handed Justin the note, and a set of keys. They were for a
Renault.  Lee's car. So that meant that...

"No...not the XKE!" shouted Justin. "I'll never catch him now. And I'd just
had the suspension done!"

"Sorry sir?" enquired the eternally smiling secretary. God that was
starting to annoy Justin now.

"My 1956 Jaguar XK Roadster (In British Racing Green I might add). Mr
Burton has...borrowed it"

Justin tore open the note.

Justin, Can't handle it around here. Its over.  What have I done wrong?
Home.  Sorry bout car!  Lee

Oh great. His best friend runs away with a very fast, very expensive
car. In a terrible state, his relationship over. Leaving only a 4-line note
to explain his whereabouts.  There was only one thing for it. Justin
grabbed the Renault key and ran to the main doors.

"Goodbye sir...have a nice day" the receptionist called as he left.  Justin
turned. " Thank you for your help, oh and one more thing." He scowled.

"Yes sir?"

"STOP SMILING!"