Date: Thu, 3 Aug 2000 19:21:35 EDT
From: LissaAGreen@aol.com
Subject: You'll Never Know What You Had

Title of the Series: You'll Never Know What You Had
Title of the Ch: A Letter From Lance?
Back Chapter # 1:   A Kiss Is Just A Kiss
Pairing: Lance and Nick Carter (of the Backstreet Boys)
Rating: (NC-17)
Author: LissaAGreen
Disclaimer: This is just fiction. I am not implying anything about the actual
members of *NSYNC or BSB in real life. I have no idea if they're gay or not.
but if they were I would support their lifstyle. I've never met them.
Feedback is greatly appreciated.


The next few days I kinda stayed by myself. I started feeling really
uncomfortable with the other guys, knowing thy didn't want me there really
hurt, but not as much as what they did to me that day in the studio.
I knew I shouldn't but I still loved Josh. i loved the way he kisses, even
though he didn't mean it. I looked over at my fellow bandmates and felt so
lonely. How can you be surrounded by four guys and still feel so along?

    I noticed JC looking over my way but I turned my head. I didn't wan to
see them, I didn't even want to be there but I had to.
We we're at the airport, picking up another group. The Backstreet Boys. They
we're going to be doing some interviews with us for both Teen People and Bop
to see which reader likes which group more. We we're also planning on a chat
online within a few weeks when we got the results.
Fans always joked about us being in rival with the Backstreet Boys, but
truthfully they are our friends, they do what we do so we give them full
respect and encouragement as they give us.

    I looked back over at JC. My heart hurt so much. What was wrong with me?
I got the point he didn't love me, but why doesn't he like me?
Looking over closly at him I noticed he looked a little depsressed as well. I
wondered what was wrong.
I was half attemtped to go over and ask, but thought butter of it.

    "Okay where are they? where that group called NStink?"

"Nick! Good to see you! Your the only guy I let call us that, or I would kick
your ass!"

I looked over noticing our visitors have arriaved. I slowly got up and went
over to welcome them.

"Hi Nick, long time no see." I said. I tried to smile.

"Hay buddy, yeah, I guess it has been a long time."

"I'm assuming everyone knows everyone right?" Asked Josh.

"Yup, we are all old friends here, even tho we are gonna kick your asses in
this fans vs fans thing, who thought of this anyways?" asked Brian.

"Don't know, I guess they thought it will be funny to watch us compete
against each other." said Justin.

"Us compete? Never, there is no competition, we are already the best." said
Brian.

"You wish!" agruged Justin. Meaningless to say they we're having the friendly
agrument all through the ride home.

There whre two limos that came to pick us up. We deicded to split up becuase
we haven't seen each other in so long.
it was me Nick, Joey AJ and Kevin in one limo, Brian, Justin, JC, Chris, and
Howie in the other. Which was fine with me. I don't think I could deal with a
whole ride to the hotel with JC glaring at me.

Nick took a seat next to me, whic I thought was cool. I alread did like Nick
I thought he was the friendliest of the group the only one who said hi to me.
When he sat down he looked up and smiled at me.

"Where staying at the same hotel I take it?" He asked. I nodded. I guess I
just wasn't in the talking mood.

But Nick wouldn't hear of it. He kept asking me questions, about my
interests, family.
I didn't mind chatting with him. I asked him about Aaron and how he felt
about having his little brother tag along in his footsteps.

"Well I know we got this meeting with Teen Poeple later, but do you wanna
hang out tonight? Myabe see a movie or get some pizza?" asked Nick.

This really shocked me. I figured he would go with the rest of his group
later that night, now that he's old enough I figured he'd be hitting hte
clubs like I did when I turned that age.

"Yeah, that will be cool, what about the other guys?" I asked.

"They won't care, AJ will probablt drag them all to a club or something, I'm
not really into that, I go becuase the are going, but don't have much fun."

"Sure I would love to, come by around seven okay?" I said smiling.

"You bet."

I almost forgot the other guys were in the limo with us. Nick and i talked
for the rest of the ride there about anything, video games, movies sporta and
of course music.
I was very happy to have Nick's company, I just hope he would help me forget
about Josh at least while he was around.

When We got to the hotel, Nick wanted to go and lie down for a bi,and I went
to take a show to get ready for later. I haven't been around the other guys
since we left the airport but then I didn't really care. I was glad Nick was
talking to me, someone wanted to be with me and I could really use the
comfort.
I decided to wiat till later to tell Nick what happened, if I plan tot ell
him at all.
I don't think he knows I'm gay and if he finds out he will probably feel too
uncomfortable to be with me. I will definatly wait to tell him. I didn't want
to loose the only friend I had left.

In JC room

"Hay man what's up you lately?" asked Justin.

I sighed. I couldn't explian what was wrong. I felt horrible what I did to
Lance. He looked so unhappy and it was my fault.

"Nothing Just, I'm fine."

"Hay Josh, guess who has a date tonight?" asked Joey.

"Who do you have a date with Joe?"

"Not me,"

"Not surprised."

"Shut up Curly! Lance does."

I herd Justin started cracking up when Koey said that. He litterally fell on
the floor laughing.

"That's a good one Joe, thanks I needed that, Scoop on a date yeah right!"

"Justin shut up!"

"Geez Josh, what the hell crawled up your pants today?"

"Yeah what's wrong Joshie, not getting laid lately? I thought if you were bi
you got it both way."

"You guys are sick."

I through a pillow at both of them.

"Anyways, why should I care if Lance has a date?" I asked, not really
concerned, just was curious.

"Well, it's with someone we all know and love. Nick."

"What does this have to do with me Joe?" I asked getting a little annoyed.

"Hay, I wondered if Nick knows that Lance is gay?" asked Justin

"Doubtful, do you think he would suggest going to the movies with him if he
knew? Alone I should say."

"I feel another idea coming on." said Justin. "Oh man this will be soo cool,
Let's write  Lance a letter from Nick saying he thinks he's fallen in love
with him."

"I don't know guys, I think we should leave them alone."

"Aww come on JC, it will be soo funny!"

"No Joey it will be mean! I don't want to do this."

"Fine, fine, maybe your right, we shouldn't." said Joey still smiling.

I looked over at Justin who was giving me the puppy dog look

"Fine, fine, give me the pen."

"But let's write the letter to Nick instead, make Lance sound desperate."
said Joey.

"That shouldn't be too hard." said Justin.

I beginning to get that sick feeling in my stomach again. The same feeling I
had when I had to kiss Lance. I didn't get why Justin was always so mean to
him. I mean Lance seemed like a cool guy, a little quite, but I'm sure if we
gave him a chance he would come around.

I took some stationary from the dashboard of the hotel room and began to
write.

    Dear Nick

        I just wanted to thank you for wanting to hang out with me.
        I always thought you were really cute and always had a crush
        one you. From our conversation today I could tell we had a
        lot in common.
        I hope to get ot know each other a lot better this evening.
        Can't wait to see you

            Love Lance

"Think I should write Love? Or just Lance?" I asked after I was finished."

"Love definatly, Nick is gonna flip when he sees this!" said Jsutin.

I couldn't help but think Lance would too.

Joey folded up the paper and took it with him when he left my room. He was
going to slip it under Nick's door before we left. I had a very bad feeling
about this.

Nick's room...

I had just awoken. I slumped out of bed and went into the bathroom to wash up.
I couldn't help but think about Lance. I could tell something was bothering
him, but wasn't about to say anything. I figured he would tell me sooner or
later.
I guess I was too excited about my little get together with Lance later.

It wasn't too long ago when I realized to myself that I was gay, or at least
bi curious. After my rough break up with Mandy I had a lot of time to think
about my sexuality. Yes i still liked girls, loved girls, but I've been
lookign at guys lately, namely Brian. those beuaitful blue eyes that sparkle
and light up the room. Not to mention a killer smile that showed dimples. And
his laugh, well I could go on and on about Brian, but I won't, that's my own
secret fantasy. I know Brian is engaged to Leighanne Wallace and they both
love each other very much, wichis why I keep my sexuality a secret.
There is just no point in risking loosing my best friend over it.

But now I see Lance. He younger then Brian, very cute, sexy. Deepest green
eyes Iv'e ever seen. His hair is beautiful, I'd love to run my fingers though
it. His voice was deep, almost quite. He didn't smile much, but when he did
it melt my heart. And best of all as far as I know he's single. But I have no
idea if he's gay.
I decided to wait to tell him that I was bi if I planned to tell him at all.
I really liked Lance and i didn't want to loose him as a friend.

I finished doing my buisnesss in the bathroom and went to get dressed, hay I
needed to look my best.
I walked past my door and noticed a piece of paper laying ont he floor.
Great, I hoped none of our fans found us.
I picked up the letter and began to read it.

I felt very well confused when I was dne reading the letter. All I could
think of was Lance is gay. Yes! This means I can have a chance with him! And
fromt he letter he seemed to want to get to know me better as well.

I finished getting ready for the interview. I just had one problem though,
How could earase this huge smile off my face before I had to meet up with the
other guys??

TBC