Date: Tue, 8 Aug 2000 00:11:35 EDT
From: LissaAGreen@aol.com
Subject: Never Know What You Had

Title Series: Never Know What You Had
Title:  Confessions
Pairing: Lance and Nick Carter (of the Backstreet Boys)
Back Chapter # 1:   A Kiss Is Just A Kiss
Back Chapter # 2:   A Letter From Lance?
Back Chapter # 3:   Questions and Answers
Back Chapter # 4:   Mixed Signals
Back Chapter # 5:   Thinking Back
Author: Melissa LissaAGreen
Disclaimer: This is just fiction. I am not implying anything about the actual
members of *NSYNC or BSB in real life. I have no idea if they're gay or not.
but if they were I would support their lifstyle. I've never met them.
Feedback is greatly appreciated.

    Chris and I drove around a bit looking for a small out of the way diner.
I didn't want to be reconized.

Most of the ride was done in silance. I could still feel the tears starting
to form in my eyes, I still havent gotten over what I herd Justin say.

I sniffed and whiped my eyes. I guess Chris noticed this.

"There's napkins in the headbord ." he offered.

I opend up the headbord and grabbed a few napkins.

"Hay buddy, I know I haven't known you for very long, but if you want to talk
about something, you can trust me. You probably think I'm just another
teenybopper, but I would like to be your friend."

"Belive me Chris, I want to tell you what's going on, but it has been going
on for so long it's starting to get old. Besides, I don't want to put you
down. But thank you anyways."

"It's no problem Lance, just if you ever feel you need tot alk to someone,
you have my number."

He parked in front of a small diner, kinda like the one in Thelma and Louise.

When he got of the car he did something very unexpected, he walked over to my
side and opened the door.

I just looked up and smiled at him.

"Thank you."

"Nah, no problem."

He kept smiling at me. He treated me so nice, it was something I wasn't
expecting. I guess I just haven't been use to it.

Nick was treating me nice as well, but he was probably just doing that as
part of the game.

"By the way, this is my treat." He said.

"You really don't have,"

"I'm not taking a no for an answer."

"I have to be back at the hotel at nine just to let you know, for the chat."

"That's okay, I will bring you back in plenty of time, maybe we can do
something later tonight? That is if you don't get too sick of me."

"I doubt that would happen, like you said even though we just met, I would
liek to be your friend."

"Us Mississippians need to stick together."

I laughed at his joke. I couldn't help but stare into his eyes. That is
always something that attracted me to a person, their eyes.

He had deep brown eyes, that matched his choclate hair, kinda looked like
Josh.
NO! Stop it Lance! Just stop thinking about him. But I couldn't help it. Even
the thought of Josh, and what he had said earlier again brought the same
effect on me.

I reach oever for a napkin. God Chris must have thought I was such a wuss. So
far I havne't done anything but cry in front of him. What a way to build a
friendship.

"What's wrong Lance? Why are you so unhappy?"

He asked me that with so much concern, that I finally did tell him.

"Hay you ever loved someone with so much love? But they didn't love you back?"

"Yes, I have, love can hurt sometimes."

"It can. The person I love doesn't feel the same way, in fact he, I mean they
pretty much hate me."

"HE?!"

Great, perfect Lance, just perfect! I just ruined yet another friendhsip. I
got up and just walked out of the resturant. Not even expecting Chris to
follow me.

"Lance, wiat a minute,"

"No, It's okay, I'm walking back, I'm sorry, I just, I'm so,"

God I was so confused. I didn't even know what I was saying.

Chris grabed me and pulled me in his arms. I could cry anymore, I had no more
tears left. I let him hold me. It felt so right. I felt very protected and
safe.
Then he told me something that shocked me.

"If it helps you any, I'm gay as well. I was in shock that the member of
NSync, who happened to be my favorite one was also gay. I'm sorry if I scared
you."

"It's not that  Chris, I thought you were mad at me. So I guess you don't
mind if I'm gay then do you?"

He chuckled a bit and continued to hug me.

"No Lance, I don't mind it one bit. Do you still want to grab something to
eat before it's time to go back?"

I nodded and looked into his eyes again. Then I did something so unexpected,
so surprising I didn't even know it was me doing it.
I leaned over and we kissed.

Our lips have met each other and soon his tounge entered my mouth. it felt
wonderful. Kissing him at the moment just felt so right I didn't care who saw
us.

"Oh Lance, I don't know what's happening here, but I would love to find out."

"I think we should find out then, together."

"Together, that's a beautiful word, come on, I still owe you a breakfast and
I am not letting you go back to your hotel room without feeding you."

Chris put his arm around me and walked me back inside.
I'm only hopeing and pryaing that my heart is telling me to do the right
thing and trust Chris. I've been hurt so much lately I want to feel what love
is, what true love is.

Back in Jusint and JC hotel
Justin's thoughts...

    I knew Josh was curious about what my dream was about. I would be to if
he was talking jiberish like I was.
I guess my past is catching up to me. Maybe God is punnishing me for the way
I've been treating Lance.

    But I couldn't tell him. He'll freak out on me I just know it. It's
something that has happened to me even before I joined the Mickey Mouse Club.
It was just something I didn't want to bring Josh into. It was a family
matter, it happened way before I even met him. No body knew about it except
my mom, Paul and myself of course.

    I use to hear them talking about at night. Sometimes mom would cry,
sometimes they would fight. I remember him kept telling her he would never do
anything to hurt me.

    I have liked Paul a lot from the very beginning which I guess seems
weird, it isn't often when a kid like's their parnets new
boyfriend/girlfriend but I did. He was a nice guy, nothing like my real dad.
He always done stuff with me, play basketball, we'd go on camping trips. I
was even very happy when mom announced their engagement.

    It was around then I got a call from the producers of the Mickey Mouse
Club. A show I grew up watching.

I was immediately signed up for the next few seasons. I've always loved to
dance and sing, t was the only that kept me happy when I was little. It was
the only thing that when people saw me doing it they knew I was happy as well.

The day mom drove me to the studio though she had been crying all morning. I
had always wondered what was wrong. It turened out that my dad had come back.
Her divorce wasn't final and he had found out about her engagement. I will
never forget that day as long as I live. I never seen my mother so unhappy.
I remember even thinking about not going through with this show, I wanted to
be there for my mother.

But she insited I go. She told me that my dad would do anything to stop my
mom from marrying Paul and she didn't want him to hurt me again.

I was so sick that day. I had a stomach, I couldn't concentrate on my lins
and dance moves I was almost fired. That's when I met Josh. My best friend,
my bloodbrother, at least that's what we called each other we weren't really
brothers of course.

I was in the bathroom, getting sick and Josh had came in to see if I was okay.

"I was nervous my first day too." he said.

"I'm messing up really badly out there. They hate me don't they?"

"Nah, they just think you need some extra help, someone to show you what it's
like around here. I offered to be that person, that is if you don't mind
hanging around with me."

"How could I mind?" I smiled at him. he was the first friend I truely made.

"I'll show you the ropes, show you who you should watch for, and what to do,
even help you through some lines if you want."

"I think we're gonna be really good friends."

"I was hoping that, maybe you can save me from Brittany every now and then,
by the way I'm JC, but you can call me Josh."

"Hi I'm Justin, which one is Brittany?"

"Oh boy, we have a lot of work to do."

Josh put his arm around my neck and we walked out of the batheroom together.
He introduced me to everyone on the set, that's when I first met Brittnay
Spears. I always thought she was kinda pretty, a pian in the ass at times but
pretty.

    "Hay Justin, whatcha thinking about?" asked Josh.

"Oh, sorry. The day we first met."

"Funny, I've been thinking about the day I first met Lance earlier."

"Did you have to bring him up?!"

"Why not? What is it you have against him anyways?!"

"Since when do you care how I treat him? Look Josh, I just woke up from a bad
night, I don't want to start the day in a fight with you."

"Justin, what was the dream about?"

"Nothing? Justin you can't out of the blue mention your father and drop it."

"Watch me. Look Josh, it's nothing I plan on talking about with anyone out of
my family."

As soon as i said that to Josh I regreted it. We have been practicly family
for four years now.

"I'm sorry Josh, I didn't mean it that way."

"No it's fine Justin, keep it to yourself, becuase right now I don't even
care what it is."

Josh got up and went into the bathroom and slammed the door behind him.

'God if this is your way of punnishing me I'm awfuly sorry for what it is
I've done."

    Nick's thoughts.

    One thing about me, I love to sleep in. it could be ten o'clock in the
morning and I would still be to tired to wake up.
When I finally did wak up that next morning my head hurt like hell. I went
into the bathroom to grab some advil.

All night all I could think of was Lance and that letter. That damn letter!
I've been starting to wish I never got it.

Just thinking about it makes me eve more confused then before. What did he
think I did? All I did was talk to him, I noticed he looked kinda out of it
the past few days so I'd thought I'd make a new friend.

Times like this I wish Brian didn't live with Leighanne, what I would give to
be able to talk to him.

Then I remember he mentioned Justin last night. Did he have some idea of what
was going on? But it still doesn't explian why he was mad at me.

I got dressed and went down the hall to Lance's room hoping to be able to
talk to him.

What I saw in the hall way though shook me by surprise.

"Just go Abby, I'm sorry this even happened, but I can't risk anyone finding
you here, I could get in so much trouble."

"Chris, I just wanted,"

"Please Abby, don't make this harder, I will see you at the chat, we can talk
about then okay?"

"Fine! But don't bother Christopher, I don't want to hear what you have to
say anymore."

That was wierd. I thought. as soon as the close was clear I went over to
Chris's door and knocked.

"Damnit Abby just, oh, Nick, I'm sorry, come on in."

"You ok Chris?"

"No I'm a complete wreck! I did the worst thing anyone could ever do to a
fan. God I'm so dead! Everyone is gonna hate me, I could go to jail, what the
hell was I thinking?! I knew she was underaged!"

"Whao Chris, one thing at a time, what happened?"

Abby and I wen out drinking last night, now I feel so guilty! I brought her
back here, we danced, we talked, she made a moove on me. I did stop her Nick,
I swear I did."

"I believe you Chris."

I sat nxt to him and put my arm around him. He was shaking like a leaf. Sweat
was pouring down his face and the tears started to fall.

"She would listen to me though, she kepting touching me, and kissing me, she
laied me down on the bed and she was on top of me. She wouldn't get off of
me."

"Are you saying she raped you?"

"NO! No nick, she was drunk, she didn't know what she as doing, she was drunk
and it was my fault! It was all my fault."

"Well, whappened after that?"

"I told her to stop, I begged her to stop, but she wouldn't get off of me. I
told her that if she left me alone she could stay the night, and she did, but
when I woke up, she was undressed and my dick was inside her."

Chris started to cry all over again. I can understand why he is so scared. I
would be freaking out at a situation like this.

"You believe me right Nick? Right now she is threatening to tell people tha I
raped her with the way we woke up this morning people are going to believe
her. They always believe the girl."

"Of course I believe you Chris."

"Thank you Nick, I'm afriad though that when I tell the other guys what
happened, they aren't going to be as forgiving."

"Well, you shouldn't have let her drink, and you shouldn't have brought her
back, but everything else is her fault. She should've listen when you said
stop. And it is the same as when it happens to girls."

"I'm so scared Nick."

"it will be ok Chris, I will be with you, no matter what."

I put my arms around him. I couldn't stand to see him crying anymore. I guess
I'm a sucker for it, everytime I see one of my closest friends or someone I
care about unhappy, I becom unhappy as well.

"Not to change the subject or anything, but was there something you came by
for?" Chris asked.

"Well I was gonna go ask Justin if he knew what was wrong with Lance, do you
happen to know if he's up?"

"Knowing Scoop, I'm sure he's out and gone by now. he doesn't usually eat
with us in the morning."

"Why?"

"It's a long story."

    _________________________________________________________________

        Well that's another chapter, finally we bring Chris into the picture
huh hehe.
    Don't worry Joey fans he will pop up very shortly with his on little
situation going on, I have a feeling this story is going o continue for a
while untill  run out of ideas, so please I'm begin to for you guys send in
suggestions, I will mostly likely use them, don't care if there too sick or
mean or cruel LOL

    Melissa