Date: Tue, 25 Jul 2000 11:39:39 -0700
From: K_Magic@Prodigy.Net
Subject: Beyond What Is - Chapter Ten

Author Notes:

Just a few comments to people, I know everyone hates these
but I'm tired and it's late and too bad.

Kev - Your happiness is the key, not what others will think...
      The butt kickings are free =)
Rick - You hide your horns well, I guess that why we get along.
Jay - Know I would be in your line everyday.
Jay That Says Eh - OMG you finally made the list.
Mikey in Misery - Too find happiness is to know it
Mikey in the Biggest City - with Love from your Evil Twin
Karen - Perv's we be
Dave-Lee-Joe-When life gets difficult, you know where to turn.
Bill - Keep reaching...he's out there..just within your reach.
Justin - g'day Mate
Nicky - Glad you found B. Welcome to the darkside
Tonny - You better not even think about it....
Garret - I miss you Bro...write to me.

There is so many other, but it would fill the whole page.  I
can't tell you how much I enjoy hearing from you all and a
billion thanks for reading the story.  Sorry if you had
sent an e-mail to me in mid June and didn't get a response.
My e-mail program when kaboom and I was not able to retrieve
some of them.  It's all better now so you all can write:

	k_magic@prodigy.net

Peace to you all


Disclaimer:  I know I left it here some where...Ok who took it...
If someone finds a disclaimer laying around it's mine...please
return it.  Thanks

---------------------------
Beyond What Is - Chapter 10
---------------------------


I opened my eyes to the glare of the sun, birds chirping and the
sound of spring.  A light breeze is blowing as I lay atop the
knee high grass.  Floating just above the surface, the grass stems
lightly caress my backside.  I'm swaying back and forth with
the breeze, in tune with the movement of the grass.  Everything is
peaceful and serene.  I take a deep breath and take in the smells
around me as I continue to float atop the grass.  I close my eyes
as the breeze swirls around me.  It turns into a whisper that faintly
hits my ears.  But I can hear every word.

"Are you happy Kyle?"

I nod my head and smile, opening my eyes to look up into the crystal
blue sky.

"Is it everything what you wish it to be?"

"Yeah."  I whisper back folding my hands behind my head.

"Do you love him Kyle?"

"I think I do."

"Does he love you Kyle."

"He says he does."

"Is your heart full now Kyle?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean Kyle?"

"It's too early to tell."

"Is that doubt in your voice Kyle?"

"I don't think so."

"Are you sure you love him Kyle?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Is he the one Kyle?"

"Why can't you leave me alone?"

"You can't love...can you Kyle?"

"Yes, I can."

"There is something blocking the way Kyle."

"Why do you do this only in my dreams?"

"Do you want to be alone for the rest of your life Kyle?"

"No."

"Do you know what this is Kyle?"

"It's the truth right?"

"It is said that the truth will set you free Kyle."

"I am telling you the truth."

"Not to me Kyle."

"I told Josh the truth."

"Not to him either Kyle."

"I plan on telling my family."

"Not them either Kyle."

"Then who...who the hell are you talking about."

"Look in the mirror Kyle."

"Where's your special effects?"

"Look into your heart Kyle."

"What no earthquakes, the ground opening up and swallowing me."

"Admit it to yourself Kyle."

"I'm waiting."

"Say it out loud Kyle."

"It sure would be nice to know what the fuck you're talking about."

"Just look in the mirror and say it Kyle."

"Ok...What do you want me to say?"

The sun above grew brighter and brighter.

"The truth Kyle."

"Which is?"

It was so bright I closed my eyes and covered my face.  There was no
more birds chirping, no more bugs buzzing...just silence.

"Well, what is this truth I need to tell myself?"

Silence.

A chill took over my body.  There was a warmth up against me.  As my
mind came out of sleep a faint whisper hit my ears.

"That you love him Kyle."

My eyes opened to the semi darkness of the bedroom.  Josh was still
in my arms and I was spooned up against him.  His arms were draped
over mine and my left hand was over his heart and my right hand
was holding his left.  The fire had died and the sheet that was
covering us had fallen to the side.  His skin as cold to the touch
and he was slightly shivering.  I slowly untangled myself from him
and got up.  He was just as a heavy sleeper as I was.

I threw on my boxer and went to the bed and grabbed the blankets.  I
walked back over to Josh and covered him up.  I sat down looking at
him.  In his sleep, he took the blankets and pulled them up to his
chin and snuggled into them.  A slight smile came over his face.  I
sat there looking at him for almost an hour.  His beauty hit me in
his sleep, just as much as it did when he was awake.  I knew I could
spend the rest of my life waking up to the sight of this man's face.
As soon as that thought entered my mind, another one joined it.  I had
said the same thing about Jen.

Then the dream hit me.  In the last week I've had three dream.  Three
more than I've had in the twenty three years of my life.  All of
them had to do with Josh.  I rose up and walked to the bathroom.
When I got in there, I washed my face with cold water and looked at
my image in the mirror.  My eyes were clear, my skin was rosy and there
was a hint of a smile on my lips that had never been there before.

I looked deep into my eyes.  My head moved closer to the mirror.  I
focused in on the middle of my pupils, the dark center.  In the
darkness, a cloud of mist was swirling around and the image of Jay
formed in my mind...The day that we met and the feeling I got when
he talked to me hit me.  The image faded and another formed.  It was
of Jay and me in my car, driving down Highway 9.  His face was white,
he was crying and the word "Kyle, I'm gay" came out of his lips. That
image faded and another formed.  This time it was of Sarah, my first
true love...How nervous I was when I asked her out...the fool I made
of myself on our first date...the feeling of our first kiss...the
awkwardness of the first time we had sex...the pain I was in the day
before the prom when she was told me that she didn't have feelings for
me anymore.

Sarah's image faded and was replaced by Jay and me again driving down
Highway 9 the night of the prom...how he cheered me up...how he knew
all the right words to say...How I sat there and wished to god that he
was a girl and we could be together.  That image faded and the next was of
us in the car again and this time it was me comforting Jay. The day he
found out his first boyfriend Travis was seeing another guy...how my
heart longed to be with him.  That image faded and it was replaced by
us sitting in the car.  I could hear the ocean outside the car and Jay
told me that he wanted to kill himself...the anger I felt...the pain
in my heart...the feeling of how I wanted to kiss him...but also the
strength I felt from him.  The image faded and the next one was of me
laying in my bed that night staring up at the ceiling all night
thinking of Jay...thinking of me...thinking of the feelings I was
having towards him.

I stood there looking deep into my eyes.  Seeing things that happened
years ago.  Feeling emotions that I hadn't even felt at the time these
events happened.  I felt tears welling up in my eyes, yet it continued
on with me not moving...not blinking.

The next image was of Jen. My whole body shook as I remembered when
our eyes met in the bagel shop for the first time...how her voice
felt so soothing when she talked to me.  I saw our first date...our
first kiss.  It felt like she was right there...her touch...her smell.
The image changed to the first time we made love...the look in her
eyes...her smile afterwards.  A jolt of pain shot through my body.
But still I looked on.

Her image faded into Josh floating above me at the concert, arms spread
out.  The shot of pure excitement I felt when our eyes met for the
first time.  The flash of light blinded me and I was standing in the
bathroom of the hotel looking into his eyes. I felt his lips pressing
against mine.  Then we were upstairs together in bed kissing...the love
I felt in his eyes...the feeling of him making love to me...the pleasure
...the pain...the confusion.

Then he was gone. His image replaced by others, flashing faster and
faster.  The whole week flashed in my eyes.  It was a blur.  But I saw
every image, felt every emotion as the events flickered by.

The conversation with Lance in my car...the pure hatred I felt towards
him...the comfort I also felt with him.  My last night with Jen...the
pain in her eyes...the pain in my heart.   My dreams...oh those fucked
up dreams.  Jane...the pain I felt when I heard about her death...the
love I felt for her.  Jay stepping off the plane...the pain I saw in
his eyes...the feeling of holding him as he cried.  The site of Jay
and Lance at the airport...the love I felt from them.  Turning around
and seeing Josh again...how my heart jumped...how I couldn't talk...
how deep inside I wanted to throw my arms around him. Then when he
sang those words to me...how I felt like I was going to explode...the
confusion I felt...the love for him I felt.  Then our drive through
San Francisco...it lasted a mere second, but I could hear our whole
conversation.  Finally our time together last night...his touch...our
kisses.  Every second from last night flashed through my eyes, but I
saw it in slow motion.  Then it stopped.

I felt a wave of dizziness hit me. I blinked my eyes for the first time
since looking in the mirror.  My eyes stayed shut as my mind cleared and
all that remained was an image of Josh.  A warmness overtook my body
that I had never felt before.  The feeling of pure love. I felt something
in my heart.  It was Josh.

"How long have you been standing there." I said knowing he was there.

"Not long." He said as I opened my eyes to see him leaning up against
the door jam and yawning.  He had one of the blankets draped over him and
he was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Is there anything wrong Kyle?"  He said as he walked up behind me
and wrapped his arms around my waist.  I was engulfed by the blanket
and my whole body broke out in goosebumps as his warm hand touched
my skin.

I shook my head as he put his chin on my shoulder.

"I was just thinking."

"About?"

"You...Me...us."

"Is there an us Kyle?"

"I want there to be."

He smiled at me in the mirror.

"So do I."

He turned me around, covering both our bodies with the blanket and
pulled me into a kiss.  As we broke, I focused on my image in the
mirror looking my reflection straight in the eyes.  I smiled at the
image of the man I had become.

"I love him" I whispered.

"What did you say?"

"I said I love you Josh, with all my heart."

We broke slightly and he looked me straight in the eyes.  His hand
came up to my face and with the back of his fingers he stroked my cheek.

"I love you too."

He leaned in and our lips met softly, barely touching each other.  They
worked against each other in that fashion for a few second.  It was the
softest kiss I've ever experienced and the best.

"Come back to bed."

"Ok...but you're going to have to let me go."

"Never."

"Ok. That was only a cheese factor of 4...you're losing your touch."

As I said that he started kissing me again and walking forward.  I went
with him, backpedaling as we went.  We bumped into the bathroom door
and bounced back on track.  When we got back to our make shift bed,
we both kneeled down still kissing.  He let go of the blanket and it
fell to the ground.

I broke the kiss and started to breath heavily, realizing I had been
holding my breath as we kissed.

"I thought you wanted to go back to sleep."

"No, I said for you to come back to bed, I never said anything about
sleeping."

"Devil.....and I don't want to hear any comments about your horns or
stabbing with pitchforks either."

"Ahhhh you're no fun."

He raised his hand and placed it behind my neck and drew me into another
kiss.  I leaned back on my hands and he raised up over me.  I slipped
my legs out and laid down as he continued to kiss me, tongue caressing
tongue, lips against lips.  He broke away and then started to kiss
my neck.  His hand started to rub on my now hard cock through my
boxers.  I started to moan and he took his hand away.  He put his mouth
up to my ear.

"Do you like that Kyle?" He whispered into my ear.

I swallowed hard and nodded opening my eyes to look at him.  He was
staring at me with a smirk on his face.  He got up and climbed on top
of me, straddling my waist.  His body weight was supported my his
knees, but he was sitting on my boxer clad hardon.  His hard cock was
laying on my stomach as he leaned forward taking my arms in his hands.
He repositioned my arms above my head and ran his fingernails lightly
down my inner arms.  Light enough not to leave marks, but heavy enough
to feel his nails.  He went through my arm pits and across my chest. I
arced my upper body up as he raked his nails across my nipples.  When
he got to my stomach, he lifted his hands and started over.  This time
he started to thrust his hips, not only working my cock with his ass,
but rubbing his hardon across my stomach.

"Do you like that Kyle?"

I licked my lips and nodded as he lifted his body up and spread my
legs a little.  He positioned himself in-between my legs and then
leaned over to kiss me.  As he did, he slipped his cock into the
opening of my boxers.  As his lips came in contact with mine, his
cock ran up the length of my cock.  As he kissed me, he started to
fuck the opening of my boxers.  His cock rubbed up and down the length
of mine.  He put his full body weight on me and started to run his
finger nails up and down my inner arms.  Our kissing got deeper as
his pace picked up.  I started to buck my hips in rhythm with him.
Then all of a sudden he stopped and got off of me.  I was breathing
hard as I raised myself up on my elbows and watched him walk across
the room to his pants.  He dug around in his pocket for something
and then turn around and walked back to me.  His hard cock bouncing
up and down as he walked.

He sat down next to me and grabbed my boxers and pulled them off of me.
He ran his hand up and down my legs and caressed my inner thigh.  Then
he took hold of my cock.  He started to stroke it up and down.  It was
already slick with both his and my precum.  His hand worked slowly
up and down as his other hand was running up and down my upper body.

He looked me in the eye and grinned.

"Are you ready?"

I gave him a questioning look and he held up a condom package.

"Oh quite sure that we were going to be doing something weren't you?"

He shook his head.

"Wishful thinking...I got it in the bathroom at the diner where we
stopped for dinner."

"Devil" I said shaking my head.

He tore the package open and slipped it onto my hard cock.  He stroked
my condom covered cock a few time and then got up.  He bent over
slightly and ran his slick hand across his crack and then straddled
me again, raised up on his knees.  He reached behind him and took
my cock in his hand.  He started to sit down, guiding my cock to his
hole.  I felt my cock come in contact with him and the pressure
started to build as he continued to sit down.  My cock head slipped
into his hole and he stopped.  His eyes were closed and his mouth
was open.  He was taking short intakes of breath as his eyes shut
tighter. Then all of a sudden, he put all his weight down and my cock
shot into his ass.  He let out a loud moan as he just sat there.  His
hard cock jumped up and down, hitting me in the stomach.  He opened
his eyes and stared at me with a blank stare.  His hands were now on
my chest and he was squeezing my pecs.  He rose up a little and then
let his body weight back down.  He continued to do this, his bounces
getting longer and longer.  He closed his eyes and his mouth came open
again.  I could hear his breathing as it got louder and faster.  His
ass was so tight.  It was better than any woman I had ever felt.  I
started to buck my hips up in rhythm with him.  I reached up and
pulled his head down to me and started kissing him.  He stopped, but
I continued to thrust up into him.  He broke the kiss and put his
head next to mine.  His mouth was against my ears as his breathing
was getting faster.

"Oh...fuck me Kyle." He whispered into my ear.

The sensation of his whisper in my ear and the tightness of his ass had
me so close to orgasm.  My hand were exploring his back. Feeling ever
muscle that he had.  I reached up and took hold of the back of his
shoulders and pulled him down onto my cock.  It was buried as deep as
it could go and still I tried to thrust it deeper.  His mouth returned
to mine and we started kissing again.

I stopped thrusting and he broke the kiss and opened his eyes.  We made
eye contact and stayed perfectly still for a few seconds.  I tightened
my grip around him and rolled over on top of him, never breaking our
connection.  As we continued to stare into each other's eyes, I lifted
myself slightly off of him and began thrusting into him again.  His hands
were at the sides of his head and I intertwined my hands with his.

As I continued to fuck him, his face grimaced and his eyes got this
intense look to them.  We continued to stare into each other's eyes.
I stopped thrusting and my cock spasmed as my load shot into the condom.
As I was shooting, he let out a deep breath.  I felt his orgasm hit.
His ass was contracting around my cock as his cock shot his load onto
his stomach and chest.  As our orgasms subsided, I collapsed on top of
him.

We where both breathing hard as my hands pulled his above his head.  My
full body weight was on top of him now as my lips met his.  I thrusted
into him a few more times as me moaned in our kiss.  I broke the kiss
and my head fell next to his.

"Damn." I whispered as my cock slipped out of him.

"I love you Kyle." He whispered into my ear.

I lifted my head and stared him in the eyes.  They were completely
glassed over and had this amazing sparkle to them.

"I love you too Josh."

We stared into each other's eyes and then at the same time closed them.
Our lips came in contact as if drawn to each other.  As we kissed, my
hands were running through his hair and his was running along the sides
of my body.  He broke the kiss and I opened my eyes.

"That was fuckin hot Josh..."

"Mmmmm yeah it was..." He said as he closed his eyes and slapped my
ass.

"Ok, now nature is calling, so roll your bod off."

I rolled off of him and laid on my back.  I had the biggest smile on
my face as I closed my eyes, wishing that this feeling would never
go away.  Josh got up and ran into the bathroom.  A minute later, he
returned with a wet towel. I remove the condom and he started to
clean my body with the towel.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you are one sexy man Josh."

"Nope...are you?"

"Yes I am...You are one sexy man."

He smiled at me and then threw the towel aside. He laid back down
next to me and put his head on my chest.  I pulled the blankets
over us and within a minute we were both asleep.




A brightness entered my consciousness.  My eyelids felt heavy, but
I managed to open them.  The room was filled with sunlight and as
I squinted my eyes to adjust to the light, Josh's face came into
focus.  He was sitting next to me, just like I was sitting the night
before watching him.

"Good Morning." I said with a smile, not normal for me in the morning.

"You mean good afternoon."

"Why?...What time is it?"

"A little after 3pm."

"Shut up...How long have you been up?"

"For about an hour now.  The storms over and the sun is out.  It's
beautiful outside."

I noticed that he was dressed in a jogging suit.  I grabbed him and
pull him on top of me.

"Did you go for a jog?....Why didn't you wake me?"

"Hahaha...A jog...yeah right.  No this is my normal, sit here and watch
Kyle sleep attire."

As he said that, his face turned red.

"You were watching me sleep?....I don't snore or pick my nose do I?"

"No, you sleep very peaceful.  No matter what I did to you, it didn't
wake you."

"You better not have written all over my face or plucked out all my
eyebrows or something like that..."

"Come on Kyle, I would never do anything like that." He said with an
evil grin.

"Aren't you going to run to the mirror to check?"

"Nope, I trust you completely.  No matter how evil you think you are.
Plus, I doubt someone that sleeps as soundly as you would want to chance
doing something to someone that knows were your will be sleeping tonight."

I propped myself up on the pillow and he folded his arms on my chest and
rested his chin on them.

"That's true...Now I'm glad I didn't do anything."

"You should be...I learned from the master.  You don't know how many
times I woke up after spending the night with Jay with make-up on,
blonde streaks in my hair, shaved legs or hot pink painted finger and
toe nails."

"He didn't."

"Yes he did...and I could never get him back cause he is a light sleeper.
Any foot step near his bed and he would be awake."

"Oh god, that reminds me of the ice story."

"Ice story?"

"Well yeah, there was this gag that Jay and Lance pulled on Justin.
It kinda backfired on them...but anyways, Jay won a bet and Lance
had to be his slave.  During their master/slave thing, Jay did
some stuff to Lance with ice."

"Oh god...It takes Jay." I said in-between laughing.

"Yeah, well...One morning Lance tried to sneak up to Jay while he was
sleeping to get him back.  Jay woke up before Lance even got to the
bed."

"Yep, that's Jay...So what was the gag that they pulled on Justin?"

"Ok, but you got to promise you will never bring this up in front of
Justin."

"Is it that bad?"

"Promise?"  He said smiling at me.

"Ok, I promise."

"Well, the morning after Jay and Lance got together, they came to
our hotel really early to wake us up.  They just pounded on my door
saying it was room service.  Then they went to Chris's room and Jay
got into bed with him while Lance started to scream about Chris
picking up strangers and sleeping with them.  In the middle, Jay
spoke up and scared the shit out of Chris."

"Fuck...poor Chris."

"Yeah, and then they went to Joey's room and did the same.  But Joey
had heard what they did to Chris and was waiting for them.  He rolled
over and kisses Jay saying how much he missed Lance.  Lance started
to freak, but Jay being Jay just climbed on top of Joey and told
Lance to leave.  I heard Joey jumped out of the bed in less than a
second."

"Oh god...don't tell me he used his Play with the best, die like the
rest line."

"Yeah, he did.  You two know too much about each other."

"Sometimes I think too much."

"So anyways, they went to wake Justin next and Jay came up with this
brilliant idea to rub ice across his nipples."

"Shut up."

"Yeah, so they are there in Justin's room rubbing ice on his nipples
and he starts to moan and grabs his dick and starts to whack off."

"Fuck...he didn't wake up and see them."

"Nope, but they ran out of there so fast...Oh god it was so funny."

"I suppose you guys won't ever let that one die will you."

"Nope."

"Poor Justin."

"Hey...it's not our fault he has this ice fetish and it was brought
out into the light."

"But I got to say, I will never be able to look at Justin the same
way now."

"Remember...not a word."

"I got ya covered...Now, if you don't mind...I need to take a shower
and get dressed."

Josh got up off me and I got up wrapping the blanket around me.  I
started to walk toward the bathroom.  Josh was following me.

"Ok...Mommy, I'm a big boy.  I can shower all by myself." I said
turning and smiling at him.

"Well, ok...but I hadn't showered yet and I was going to join you."

He turned to walk away and I grabbed his arm.

"Ok...Mommy didn't raise no fool."  I said and I dragged him into
the bathroom.

Josh started to strip and as we hit the bathroom door, there was
pounding on the front door.  I looked at Josh and he looked back as
we both shrugged our shoulders.  I went over and grabbed my boxers
and threw on a t-shirt as Josh put back on his clothes.  We walked
to the door as the pounding continued.

"POLICE...OPEN UP!"