Date: Sat, 22 Apr 2000 16:01:52 -0700
From: K_Magic@Prodigy.Net
Subject: Beyond What Is - Chapter Three

Author's Note:

Hey to all....

Disclaimer:  Fiction...this is FICTION.  As much as I would like
some of this story to be true...(are you listening JC)...this is
all fiction.  If your are...do...If your aren't...don't...
With that said, enjoy!

I would love to hear what you think of the story, please write
me at:

	k_magic@prodigy.net


------------------------------
Beyond What Is - Chapter Three
------------------------------


"JASON....Jay please pick up."

The phone in Orlando still laid on Jay's floor as his sobbing continued.
I could hear his muffled voice repeating over and over again the words
"No....No...not mom...why....why mom...why."  Tears were welling up
in my eyes again as my heart was breaking for my best friend.  After
a few minutes, the phone was picked up.

"sniff...Kyle....w..w..what happened...please...tell me...what..."

"Jay...not over the phone...pack up some stuff and head to the
airport, I will arrange everything...."

"Kyle...I want to know...now...what happened to her."

"Jay..."

"KYLE...tell me."

"Ok...ok...all I know is that she wrote a note to my mom telling her
she had a brain tumor.  She had the note in her hands when they found
her this morning.  Jay, I don't want to go over this on the phone,
please just pack up and head to the airport."

"Fuck...a tumor...how come she never told me."

"Jay, she wanted to...but she was thinking about you, she didn't want
to spoil your excitement over the Versace show.  She wanted you to
be happy...with your carrer, with your life, with Lance."

"She knew that long ago...Kyle why would she do this to me...why....
I would have dropped the show in a minute to fly out there to be with
her."

"I think she knew that and she figured that this is what you worked
your whole life for and she didn't want to stand in the way...She did
it for you Jay, just like any mother would."

"I don't care about any of this if I can't ever have my mother back,
I would have given it all up to be with her."

"Even Lance?"

"What is that suppose to mean Kyle...are you asking if I would give
up Lance for my mother."

"No...but remember, if you didn't do the Versace show...you would have
never met Lance.  And that, your mother never would have wanted for
you.  If she knew that she stood in the way of you meeting the person
that Lance has become in your life, she would have never forgiven
herself."

"........Ahhhh you aggravate the hell out of me sometimes...I guess
you're right.  But Kyle....I didn't even get to say goodbye to her."

"You can still say goodbye...pack up and come home."

"It's not the same Ky...I want to tell her how much I love her...how
much I'm going to miss her...To thank her for being the greatest mom.
I want to look her in the eye and see that she knows what she means
to me."

"Jay, she knows all that.  She's your mother and she loves you, whether
you can see her or not.  She will always be in your heart.  Now pack
up, come home and say goodbye to her...And Jay...you know I love your
mother almost as much as I love my own and I am so sorry about all of
this."

"Thanks Ky...thanks for everything."

"Not a problem, you know I am here for you....go pack and head to the
airport, I will make all the arrangements for your flight and give
you a call back."

"Thanks Ky...I don't know what I would do without you."

"That, you will never have to find out.  I love you Jay."

"I love you too."

I hung up the phone and then called the airlines to make the necessary
arrangements for Jay's flight home.  I called him back to give him
the info, then grabbed my keys.

"Kell, come on let's go."

"Coming" Kell yelled as she ran down the stairs carrying her backpack.

I put my arm around her shoulder and gave her a light squeeze.

"How's Jay doing?"

"As well as can be expected" I said as we walked out the door and
headed to the car.

"Why are we going to Grandma and Grandpa's house?"

"I need to talk to them and plus, I'm going to need you to stay there
tonight. I have to pick Jay up at the airport in San Francisco at
11pm tonight."

We got into my car and drove over to my parent's house in silence.
They weren't home, so we went in and Kell sat down in the family
room and watched TV.  I picked up the phone.

"Hello"

"Hi Jen."

"Kyle...what's wrong...you don't sound good.  Are you sick?"

"No...I'm not going to be able to make it tomorrow...Jay's mom passed
away this morning."

"Oh god Ky...I'm sorry...How's Jay doing?"

"I guess ok..I'll find out tonight, he'll be here at about 11pm.
I'll make it up to you."

"Kyle...don't worry about it...we can go out anytime...You need to
be there for Jay, he's going to need you."

"Jen, you know you are the most caring person I've ever met.  I wish
I..."

"Kyle, please... not now.  Call me when things get a little less hectic
for you...take care and give me regards to Jay."

"Jen..."

"Please Kyle...I'll talk to you later ok."

"....ok...I'll pass your regards on to Jay...Thank you for being so
understanding."

"Bye Ky."

"Bye Jen."

As I hung up the phone, I ran over the phone call with Jen.  She didn't
sound the same.  The love was gone out of her voice.  All that I had
taken for granted with Jen was gone...Replaced by a friend that I had
hurt.  Nothing could ever be the same between us.  I could not even see
our friendship lasting.

I shook my head as I heard the door open.  I walked out of the kitchen
and my parents were walking in the house.  Kellie was hugging them
as I walked over and hugged and kissed my mom and then hugged my dad.

"Are you ok Kyle?"

"Yeah Mom, don't worry about me."

"Did you get a hold of Jason?"

"Yeah, I'm picking him up at SFO at 11pm."

"How's he doing?"

"He took it hard, but I really won't know until I see him.  Did you
and Dad eat yet?"

"No, I was going to cook something right now."

"Sit down and relax.  I'll go get us all something."

"Thanks Honey."

She leaned over and kissed my cheek.  She followed my father to
their room to change into more comfortable clothing.

"Kell, you want to go with me?"

"Nah, I'll stay here."

"Ok...anything in particular you want to eat?"

"I don't care, as long as there's McDonald's fries."

"Kell, you know your grandparents hate McDonalds and I am not
going all over town for this meal."

"Well can't we still get pizza."

"MOM...DAD...HOW DOES PIZZA SOUND?"

"Anythings fine with your father and I."

I went to the phone and ordered the pizza's.  My mom came walking
into the kitchen.

"How long?"

"I have to go pick them up in 15 minutes.  So, anything I should
know?"

"Kyle, god...she looked so bad.  It looks like she hadn't eaten in
a while.  The doctor told us that he had told Jane two weeks ago
that she didn't have much time.  I guess she decided not to tell
anyone."

"They couldn't do anything for her."

"From what the doctor told us, when they first discovered it, it was
already to late to do anything.  It was just a matter of time and
she was lucky that she lived as long as she did."

"If she had only said something the last time I saw her...damn."

"I guess she didn't want anyone to know.  She just wanted to live
the time she had left enjoying the fact that Jay's life was turning
out the way he wanted and he was happy.  If you would have known,
Jay would have found out and he would have come home.  She would've
spent the time she had left worrying about Jay.  Do you understand
that Kyle."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Good, now go and pick up dinner.  Go get the money from your father."

"Nah it's ok, it's on me."

"Are you sure."

"Well, it's actually on Shelly."

"Go get the money from your father, you can keep Shell's money."

I smiled at her and went out to the family room and got the money from
my father and walked out the door.  I returned with the pizza 10 minutes
later and we sat in silence as we ate.  Dad and Kellie went back to the
family room to watch TV as Mom and I talked somemore.

"So what's the plans?"

"Well, there is a private service at the Los Gatos Funeral home on
Sunday at 5pm.  Then I guess on Monday at 10 am, Jane's lawyer wants
to meet with Jay, you, your father and me at her house.  Oh and also
a Lance.  Do you know him?"

"Yeah, that's Jay's boyfriend.  I don't think he can make it.  Why
does he have to be there?"

"I don't know, but the lawyer asked for him to be present.  So Jay
finally has a boyfriend...is he cute."

"Mom!"

"Well, is he."

"Yes, they make a cute couple."

"That's nice...So how is what's her name..."

"Mom, her name is Jen."

"Oh yeah, whatever. How is she?"

"Well I guess you'll be happy to know, we broke up."

"See, I'm always right.  She was not the one for you Kyle."

She patted my hand.

"Don't worry honey, the right one is out there.  You'll know it when it
happens, or just ask me and I'll tell you."

She winked at me, got up and kissed my cheek.

"I'm going to go sit with your father and Kell, go lay down...you look
tired.  I'll wake you at 9 pm."

"Ok, thanks Mom...I love you."

"I love you too Ky."

She walked out of the kitchen and I got up and walked back to my old
room.  It was just as I had left it.  I laid down and as soon as my
head hit the pillow, I was out. The next thing I knew, out of the
blackness I heard a voice.  A voice that was very familiar to me, but
I had not heard in a while calling my name.

"Kyle...Kyle...wake up....Kyle it's time to go...wake up."

"Huh..."

"Kyle, honey...wake up...you have got to be the hardest person to wake
up.  I remember when..."

"Ok Mom...I'm up."

"It's almost 9 pm.  Get going."

She walked out of the room as I got up out of the bed and went to the
bathroom.  After freshening up, I said goodbye and walked towards the
door.

"Ky."

"Kellie, that is your Uncle Kyle."

"Dad, it's ok. I told her to call me that...the girl is almost my age
for god sake."

"Act your age Son, she's your niece...you're her uncle."

"What is it Kell?"

"Can I go with you?"

"Are you sure you want to go, it might not be that fun."

"Yeah, I want to go...I want to tell Jay how sorry I am."

"Ok, grab your coat."

"Kellie, you should just stay here with your grandfather and I."

"It's Ok Mom.  If she wants to go, she can go.  She's old enough
to make her own decisions."

Kellie ran up with her coat on and we walked out the door.

"Thanks Ky...I didn't want to stay with them and I'm not tired enough
to go to sleep."

"You owe me one, but after I'm going to have to drop you off here cause
I will probably spend tonight with Jay."

"OK."

We headed off to the airport.  It took over an hour to get there and
another thirty minutes to park and walk to the terminal.  We sat there
and waited for Jay's flight.  At 11:03 pm the flight was announced and
we got up and waited.  After about 10 people, Jay emerged from the
plane.  He didn't look like Jay.  My heart dropped when I saw him.  I
walked over to him and pulled him into a hug.

"I'm so sorry Jay."

He lost it.  He wrapped his arms around me and started crying.  His
whole body was shaking with sobs.  We stood there in the middle of the
terminal not moving.  After about 10 minutes, I felt a tug on my shirt.
I opened my eyes and Kell was looking at me with a weird look on her
face.  I mouthed the word "What" to her.

She pointed to her left.  I looked over to where she was pointing and
standing there was two guys in leather jackets with baseball caps on,
pulled farther down then normal.  I looked back at Kellie with a
questioning look.  She rolled her eyes at me and pointed again and
mouthed the work "Lance".  I looked over again and one of the guys
looked up and sure enough it was Lance.  I motioned him over and as
he got close to me, I pried Jay's arms off of me and moved Lance into
my place.  Jay opened his eyes and looked at the person he was now
hugging and grabbed hold of him and started crying harder.  Lance
hugged him tight and started rocking him back and forth.

"It'll be alright, baby...let it out."

I walked back to Kell and put my arms around her and smiled at her.

"Remember...not a word."

She nodded and pointed back to the other guy.  My head turned as the
guy approached us.

"Hello Kyle."

My heartbeat quickened and I couldn't talk.  I looked up at Josh's face and
into his eyes.  I just stood there staring into his eyes.

"It's good to see you again."

I still couldn't talk...I couldn't move.  I felt a elbow jabbing me,
but I still didn't move.  I stood there staring into his eyes.

"H...Hi....JC....M...My n..n..name is Kellie. I'm Kyle's niece."

JC broke our eye contact and turned to Kellie.

"Well Hi Kellie, it's nice to meet you.  I've heard a lot of nice
things about you from Lance."

I finally broke out of my trance and blinked my eyes.  I let out the
breath that I had been holding in and looked at the two of them shaking
hands.

"L..Lance talked about me?"

"Oh yeah, all the way here.  I'm so glad that I finally get to meet you."

"Uncle Kyle...JC knows me too."

"I looked at her and smiled and then looked at Josh.

"Hello Josh...How are you?"

"I'm good considering...I'm sorry to hear about Jay's mom, I heard you
were pretty close to her too."

"Yeah, she was like a second mother to me."

A tear formed in my eye as I looked over at Jay and Lance together. The
next thing I knew, Josh was hugging me.

"I'm so sorry Ky."

My hands went up around his back and I pulled him closer to me.  I took
a deep breath in and smell him.  "Oh my god...What was I doing."  As
that thought entered my mind, I broke the hug.

"Thank you Josh...Ummm we better see if we can get Jay stable enough to
get out of here before you two are discovered."

I walked over and started rubbing Jay's back.

"Jay, are you ready to go?"

He broke his hug with Lance and looked at me and nodded.  His eyes were
both red and he had tears running down his face.

Josh walked up to Jay and pulled him into a hug.

"Jay...I'm so so sorry, is there anything I can do?"

"No Sexy, I'm fine...thanks for asking though and thanks for coming,
you didn't have too."  Jay said as the broke the hug.

"You couldn't keep me away, are you ready to go?"

"I need to get my bags."

"Give me your claims Jay, me and Josh will go get them."

He handed his luggage claims to Lance and he and Josh left to go
get his luggage.  I put my arm around him and guided him through the
terminal.  As we hit the door, Lance and Josh joined us with Jay's
bags.  We got to my car and Kellie got in the front seat and Jay and
Lance got in the back seat on the passenger side and Josh got in
on the driver's side.  We headed out.  It was quiet a few minutes,
but Lance broke the silence.

"Hello Kellie, it nice to finally met you face to face...or is it
JRTisHot?"

"H..H..Hi L..Lance."

"Kellie, why do you like Justin so much, you know, me and JC are
better looking than he is."

Kellie sat there quiet, not knowing what to say.

"Oh my god...she's speechless, this is a first..."

Her hand whipped across the front seat and hit my arm.

"Shut up Uncle Kyle."

"Hey Kellie, don't listen to them.  You know what, Justin, Joey and
Chris will be here tomorrow.  Would you like to meet them."

"OH MY GOD...YES." Kellie yelled as her head whipped around to look at
Josh.

"Where are the guys" Jays said in a very low whispery voice.

"They stayed behind, we had to cancel tomorrow's concert.  They stayed
behind to do some PR to make up for the cancelled show.  They will be
here tomorrow night about 8pm.  We'll see about renting a car when we
check into a hotel."

"You do not have to stay at a hotel, you are welcome to stay at my
place."

I heard laughing from the backseat.

"What are you laughing about Jay."

"At your place...don't you think that's a little small for everyone."

"Ok we can go over my sister's place."

"Kyle, we are going to my house...Everyone can stay there."

"Are you sure you want to go there?"

"Yes, I'm sure.  I need to go there...It's my home and that is where
mom is...and don't go thinking I'm crazy, that's not what I meant.
It's the place she still is in memory.  I need to be there."

"Ok, I just need to drop Kellie off and the folk's place."

The rest of the ride was silent.  Jay was resting his head against
Lance and Kellie was trying her hardest to stay awake.  By the time
we hit San Jose city limits, Kellie was out.  When we got to my
parents house, I parked the car and as soon as I turned the engine
off, my parents were coming out the door.  Jay opened the door and
stepped out.  My dad met him first and pulled him into a hug.  No
words were exchanged, but my dad held him patting his back.  He pulled
away from Jay and looked him in the face.

"I'm sorry son."

"Thanks dad."

My dad smiled at him and then looked at me.  I pointed to Kellie
in the passenger seat and he nodded.  As he walked to the passenger
door, my mom pulled Jay into a hug and started crying.

"How are you honey."

"I'm fine Mom...please don't cry, you're going to get me going again."

Dad had opened the door and lifted Kellie out and was carrying her into
the house.  He was struggling with her weight, but he wasn't about to
admit he couldn't lift his own granddaughter.  Josh and Lance had both
stepped out of the car and had joined me on the grass.  Jay and my Mom
finally broke their hug and she had his face in the palms of her hands.

"I promised your mother I would take care of you now, so don't you
hesitate to ask me anything...I mean anything Jason...I mean it."

"I promise Mom."

She pulled his face down and kissed his cheek.  She let him go and
turned to us.

"I don't believe we've meet, I'm Kyle's mom Gayle...and you are?"

"Mom, this is Lance and Josh."

"Oh, this is Lance huh."

She walked over to him and pulled him into a hug.

"Wow Jason, he's a cute one...Lance you are a lucky man.  Jason is a
special person."

"I know." Lance said looking over at Jay.

"And hello Josh, it's nice to meet you."

Josh extended his hand, but my mother pulled him into a hug.

"Any friend of my two sons is good enough to get a hug from me."

She pulled out of the hug and looked him in the face.  She stared at
him for a second and then smiled and patted his cheek.

"You're a cute one too.  Are you two models too?"

"No Ma'am."

I leaned over and whispered to Josh.

"Call her Gayle."

"Better yet, just call me Mom like everyone else around her.  I have
two sons, what's another two."

"Ok sorry Mom...were not models, we are singers."

"Really, have I heard of you."

"Remember that concert I took Kell to see on Monday."

As I said that, it hit me...it had only been 5 days...My life had
changed so much in just 5 days.

"Don't tell me they're in that group we had to listen to all during
Thanksgiving dinner?"

"No..no Mom...they're in a different group."

"Good...oh my God...over and over again...I want it this way, I
want it that way...I swear if I ever have to hear that song again."

We all started laughing.

"Do you boys want to come in."

"No Mom, we're going to stay over at Jay's house."

My mom gave me a weird look but then smiled.

"Ok, I'll see you guys later."

She walked over to Jay again and pulled him into a hug.

"Remember Jay...anything and you give me a call.  I don't care what
time it is...you call."

He nodded and kissed her on the cheek.

"Thanks Mom."

"Goodnight boys, it was nice meeting you."

"It was nice meeting you too." Both Lance and JC said together.

"Night Mom...I'm going over to Jay's.  Give Shell a call to tell her
what's going on.  She should be back by 3 pm."

"Ok Honey, take care of him...ok."

"I will, but I think Lance has got that covered."

She smiled back at us and waved as we got in the car and drove away.
Though we had been friend since we were eight, Jay and his Mom had
moved to Saratoga in the middle of his junior year of high school.
She was able to fight the school board to let him continue going to
our school.  Her parents had both passed away and left her with some
money and their house.  It took us 20 minutes to get to the house.  I
parked the car and we all got out.  As we walked towards the door, Jay
stopped.  He just stood there looking at the door.

"Jay, we can go crash at my place...it's small, but if you can't handle
this right now it's not a problem."

He shook his head.

"Ky, can you open the door please."

I walked up to the door and opened it with my key.  We both had the
keys to each other's houses.  I swung the door open.  The darkness and
silence of the house hit me and made the hairs on the back of my neck
stand up.  I walked in and turned on the lights.  When I got back to
the door, Jay was just walking in.  He had a lost look on his face and
I pulled him into a hug.  We stood in the entry way hugging for a few
minutes as Lance and Josh walked in carrying Jay's luggage and their
backpacks.

"Are you Ok?"

"Yeah, thanks Ky."

We broke our hug and he looked at me and smiled.

"It just feels weird coming home and not having Mom come running out
to hug and kiss me."

"Well if you want, you can go back outside and I'll run out and hug
and kiss you."

"Better watch what you say, I might take you up on the offer."

I smiled at him as he playfully punched my shoulder.

"You're in your room, so show Josh to one of the others and I'll show
Lance to my room."

"Ok, come on Josh...it's up this way."

We all walked up the stairs and Jay and Lance went into Jay's room and
I walked down the hall followed my Josh.

"I'll put you in the Blue room."

"The rooms have names."

"Yeah, you'll see why in a sec."

I opened the door and turned on the lights.  We both entered.

"I see what you mean."

The room is decorated with only the color blue.  The carpet, the bed
coverings, the curtians, the wallpaper, everything in the room was
blue.

"What's your room?"

"The Green room.  It's my favorite color so when ever I stayed over
here, that is the room I picked to sleep in and it became my room."

"Can I see it?"

"Sure, it's right across the hallway."

As we walked out of the room, it came to me that I was avoiding all
eye contact with him. God he must think I'm weird or something.

I opened my door and turned on the lights.  The room lived up to the
name.  The difference was that the room was filled with plants and had
a small fountain in it.  It was set up like a small garden.  And the
ceiling was a sky light, it was like a big glass window looking up
into the sky.

"This is so cool, now I know why you would want this room.  It's like
being outside."

"Yeah, I'm the only one who can sleep in here.  No one else can stand
the sound of the fountain while they sleep.  I sleep so soundly, it
doesn't bother me."

"Did Jay's mother set up all these rooms?"

"No, his grandparents did.  After they moved in, she didn't have the
heart to change anything.  The only changes that were made was to the
master bedroom and to Jay's room."

"Why?"

"Cause the master bedroom reminded her too much of her parents and
Jay's room is actually her old room.  Which was the Pink room. It's
now the black and white room.  Jay had to spend a month in the room
while it was pink.  I always joke with him, because 2 months after
that he came out to me.  I told him the pink room must have turned
him gay...sorry, bad joke."

"No, that is actually pretty funny."

We smiled at each other and our eyes locked again.  We stood there for
a few minutes just staring into each other's eyes.

"Kyle, can we talk?"

I broke the stare and looked down at the ground.

"Sure Josh, let's go downstairs."

We left the room and I led him downstairs.

"Do you want something to drink?"

He nodded and I led him to the kitchen.  I grabbed two cokes out of
the refrigerator and handed one to him.

"Sorry, this is all that is in the house.  She keep it stocked for Jay."

"It's fine."

We sat down at the table and I did everything in my power not to look
him in the eyes.  My heartbeat started to speed up and my breathing
got deeper as we sat in silence for a minute.  It felt like my heart
was about to burst.

"Kyle...I....