Date: Fri, 9 Jun 2000 14:52:09 -0700 From: K_Magic@Prodigy.Net Subject: Beyond What Is - Chapter Seven Author's Notes: Sorry it took me so long to put this chapter out. It proved to be one of the tougher chapters to write. I hope you enjoy it. I was fortunate to receive an e-mail from Jay. He's a great guy and I'm glad that he finally decided to write. I want everyone to visit his WebPage. Especially those of you who choose to ignore the disclaimers and read these stories even though you are not of the proper age. Read his "Come On Out" story. http://www.geocities.com/jakedane And while there, sign his guestbook and tell him Kyle sent you. I would greatly appreciate it. : ) Thanks Jay. I thank you all for your continued support and if you haven't sent me an e-mail yet, please do so I can personally thank you. k_magic@prodigy.net -Peace to you all. Disclaimer: Nope they ain't so don't think they are. At least that's what's said, after all they are stars Nope you shouldn't if you can't drive a car But : ) to you if you read it this far ------------------------------ Beyond What Is - Chapter Seven ------------------------------ "Why can't you be happy Kyle." The voice came out of the darkness. I opened my eyes to the darkness of a star filled sky. It was clear and peaceful, not a sound. I was floating on my back, out in the middle of the ocean. I lay there with my arms and legs spread out on the surface of the calm ocean waters. I couldn't move. "I am happy." I yelled out to the darkness. "No, you're not." The sky answered back. "Who are you?" "Who told you that you couldn't love?" "What do you want from me?" "Who told you that you couldn't be loved?" "Why are you doing this to me?" "Open your eyes Kyle." "They are open." "See what everyone else can." "I don't see anything." "That's your problem Kyle." "You're not making any sense." "Are you that blind Kyle?" "No." "Live Kyle." "I am." "Be free Kyle." "I don't get this." "Look inside Kyle." "Look inside what?" "Open your heart Kyle." "For what?" "For love Kyle." "Love?" "Yes, love." "Who?" "You know who, Kyle." "I can't." "Feel his love Kyle." "It hurts too much." "The truth always hurts Kyle." "Who are you." Silence....The clouds form over head and the ocean waves pick up. "WHO ARE YOU?" I yell above the noise of the sea. I start to spin as a whirlpool forms. I am being dragged into it. Deeper and deeper I go down towards the bottom. "WHO.....ARE.....YOU?" I land with a thud at the bottom of the ocean floor looking up as the whirlpool is all around me. I stood up and it starts to collapse. Tons of water closes in around me. I fall to my knees as the flood of water is about to cover me forever. I look one last time to the sky, as it's about to disappear forever. "Who are you?" I whisper. "The truth." The voice echoes through my head. My arms cover my face and I close my eyes as the water crashes into my body. I thrash about trying to escape. I can't breathe. My lungs are burning. I try to scream out, but I can't. I try one last time at breathing, the air rushes into my lungs as my eyes fly open. I am looking at the ceiling of my bedroom. I'm breathing hard and my pulse is racing. My head hurt...my body hurt...my heart hurt. I grab my pillow and turn over and start to cry. A cry that has been building up inside forever. I can't stop. Minutes fly by as year's worth of tears flow out. I passed out, long before they are finished. Pound...Pound...Ring...Pound...Pound...Ring... I rolled over and the pain hit my head as I reached over and grabbed the receiver of the phone. "What." "Kyle?..." "I said what?" "Kyle, what's wrong?" "Leave me alone Shelly, I'm not in the mood for...." "Listen here you little fuck, wake your ass up and get it over to Jay's house now. Jane's lawyer is going to be here any minute and you better be here when he shows." "Fuck...what time is it?" "It's 9:50 am...and if you ever talk to me that way again, I'll kick your fuckin' little ass and don't think I can't do it either." She kept yelling at me, but I had long ago put the phone down on the bed. I took a quick shower, threw on some clothes, ran some gel through my hair, brushed my teeth and popped 3 aspirins in my mouth. I picked up the phone. "Are you done yet." "You're ass better be on the way here right now Kyle." "Yeah, yeah." I hung up the phone, grabbed my keys and ran out the door. I was at Jay's house in 10 minutes. Rushing into the house, I came to a stop in the family room. Everyone's eyes came to rest on me. Jay got up from next to Lance and walked over to me and dragged me off into the kitchen. "Are you ok Ky?" I nodded. "Just feeling a little stupid, embarrassed and not to mention that this morning I had a major mind fuck of a dream." "About what?" "The truth...Look Jay, now isn't the time. When we have some time and a few beers, I will tell you." The doorbell rang. "Look, that's Mom's lawyer. After this, we, and I do mean we. It seems the guys invited your whole family to the recording session in SF. So, we will all head to SF and then after, I will get us some time alone and we'll head to your house with a few six packs and it's open up to Jay time...Ok." I nodded and he put his arm around my shoulder. "Ok, lets head out and see what Alex has to say." We walked out and Jane's Lawyer was sitting in one of the chairs, going through his briefcase. When he saw Jay, he smiled and started talking. "Hello Jay, I am so sorry about your Mother. She was a client of mine for many years, as was your grandparents. She was a lovely person and my life would not be the same if I had never met her." "Thank you Alex, I appreciate you saying that." "Now onto the business at hand. About a month ago, your mother called me and told me that she wanted to revise her will. She asked that the following people be present. Kyle, Kyle's family and a Mr Lance Bass. Are all these people present?" Jay nodded. "Ok lets begin." He stood up and walked to the VCR and popped in a tape. Jay had sat back down next to Lance and I had joined him on the couch. The TV came on and then the image of Jay's mother slowly came into focus. We all let out a slight gasp as the frail image smiled back at us. "This is the last will and testament of Jane Darlene Martin. Hello everyone. Sorry to have to leave you so soon and sorry for all the secrecy. I just didn't want all the pity, nor did I want anyone to see me like this. I have lived my life with no regrets. I have a beautiful son and wonderful friends and that all I could have asked for...I leave this life happy. Now, what brings you all here today? Well, first off, let me explain this. I was not a wealthy woman, but my parents were. I didn't want Jason to grow up in the same environment that I grew up in. I wanted him to be grounded, to know what it was like to be normal, not a spoiled little rich kid. I think that is what made him into the wonderful human being he is right now." She smiled at the camera. "Now, to Paul and Gayle, my dearest friends of so many years. You stuck by my side through the darkest hours of my life and I can never repay you for your kindness. I leave you the following. Alex will give you an envelope. Inside is a set of keys that belong to our family's vacation home. It is located in Santa Barbara. It is yours to do with as you please. But do take some time and go and relax and enjoy each other. You deserve it. But I do ask two things of you. One, if you do decide that you would like to sell the house and property ...that you give Jason the opportunity to buy it from you. I do mean buy too. Do not give it to him, it is yours. Second, please look after my baby. Paul you have been the only father that Jason has ever known. He looks up to you, admires you and loves you. Gayle, you are his second mother. I ask that you both guide him and protect him. He's all alone in the world and still needs you." I looked at my parents, and they were sitting with their mouths open just staring at each other. Then they both smiled at each other and nodded to Jay." "To Shelly, I just wanted to give you some thing in appreciation for all those nights you spent babysitting Jason and Kyle. I know that they were a handful and you gave up a lot of your weekend fun to watch them. I could always count on you to come through in a pinch. So to you, I leave a box that Alex will give you. This box contains some jewelry that is valued at $10,000. These are some of the jewelry that belonged to my family and that has been passed down from mother to daughter. Please let that tradition continue with your daughter." Shelly was in shock. She had Kellie in her arms and was not letting go. Poor Kellie was sitting there being smothered, but didn't say a word. "Kyle, my second son, my savior. What would our lives have been like if you had not come into them." My eyes started to tear up as her words hit me. "I can never, never repay you for what you have given me. I have my son because of you. Yes, Jason told me everything. I want to give you the world. But I know that would not make you happy. The last time I saw you, I could see something in you. You need a change, you need to get away. I love you like you were my own son, and for this, I have done the following. Jason's home is in Orlando now. I have transferred ownership of this house to your name. It's yours now. Also, as you are aware, after my parent's passing, I took a position within the company my father worked for. He was one of the partners, and out of respect for him the other partners made me the operations manager for the west coast. I have secured this position for you. You will take over the job one month after my passing. I know you can handle this job and probably succeed farther than even I. As for the time period between now and then. Please quit your dead end job ASAP and Alex will arrange a nice vacation for you to spend with Jay in Florida. Enjoy my son. And value your friendship with Jason, you two need each other more than you realize. I love you Kyle." I sat there is total shock. Jay had pulled me into a hug. "A month together, oh my god...That is so cool." I still couldn't believe what I just heard. I just sat there. "Now, to my Jason...My angel...My love...My life. Oh Baby, Mommy misses you so much." Jay had calmed down and was just sitting there. Tears started pouring out of his eyes and he grabbed Lance's hand for support. "Jason...I'm sorry I can't be there for you ever again. You will never know how much it hurt not to be able to go to your Versace show. I wanted to be there so bad. I know you love modeling and I want you to continue with it. But as of right now, you really don't have to work another day in your life. Your bank account has been wired the full amount of both your grandparent's estate and mine. If you are wondering, your bank account now stands at $75 million. My angel, keep following your dreams and don't let the money get to you. I raised you better than that. Mommy love you." Jay had his head buried in Lance's chest and was balling his eyes out. "Now, Lance." Lance looked at the TV screen with a surprised look on his face. "It's nice to finally meet you. Jason has told me wonderful things about you. From what I can gather from him, you are the one. For someone to capture my son's heart like you have, you must truly be a special person. I will not say what I have done for you, it more what I have done for my son for if you are happy...he is happy. Let just say, I called on some old family friends and with the help of their friends, your lawsuit should be settled in your favor rather quickly. I wish you all the best and any man worthy of my son's love is worthy of mine." Jay grabbed Lance into a hug as he sat there with a blank look on his face. Her image faded as the screen went black and then a video came on the screen. Everybody's attention went back to the TV screen. The video was of Jay and me playing in their old backyard when we were young. We were wrestling and we each had each other in a hold and neither of us was willing to give in. "Give up." "Never." "Come on Kyle, give up." "No, you give up." "Never." "Come on Jason, let go, I win." "No way, I'll never let you go. Never." "I guess we are stuck together forever then." "Forever." The video faded and the room went silent. Alex got up and walked to my parents and handed them an envelope and then handed Shelly a box. He packed up his briefcase. "Jason and Kyle, I am going to need you two to stop by my office some time this week to go over a few things." We both blindly nodded our heads. Our emotions were drained and no one could talk. Alex got up and wished us a good afternoon and walked out the door. Lance pulled Jay's hand up to his mouth and kissed it. "Your mother is a great woman Jay, I wish I could have met her in person." "I do too." "Jay, we need to get going, it's 12:30 and we have to be at the studio by 2 pm." Jay nodded and stood up. My parents were still in shock. Jay went over to them. "Mom...Dad...are you ok?" "Um yeah Jason, we're fine...a little in awe...but we're fine." "Let's go get something to eat and then head out." "Ok Jason." My Mom stood up and hugged him, followed by my father. Lance went with Jay and my family climbed into my car. We stopped at McDonalds, ate in the cars and headed out. All the way to SF, the talk was of Jane. We had no idea that her parents were so wealthy. She had never mentioned it to anyone. Sure the house in Saratoga was huge but we really didn't have a clue. Jane never acted like a spoiled rich person. We got to the studio and followed Lance inside. We were met by Kenny and taken to the studio where the other guys were already waiting for Lance. He joined them and we where taken to a viewing area where we could see and hear the guys. Justin came out and walked over to Kellie. "Hey Kell, glad you could make it." "Hi Justin, thanks for inviting me." "Any day gorgeous." Kellie looked like she was about to explode after he said that. My eyes were drawn once again to Josh, who for a second made eye contact, but then broke it and looked away. "Ok Kell, we are going to start recording a new song for our upcoming album. It's called 'It's Gonna be Me." Kellie's face lit up. "Is this the song you are going to do your beat box too." "Yeah, how did you know that?" "I heard it on the Internet." Justin just shook his head and started to walk back. "Well everyone enjoy, it's a lot of work on our part and we might be here a while. You might get bored so you are welcome to leave at anytime. Oh, have Kenny play the demo for you so you have an idea of what the song sounds like. We will be recording it in sections so it might not make sense" He smiled at us and walked through the door back into the studio. Kenny joined us. "Ok everyone, they are going to start in a few minutes. The first part will be Justin singing a few of his verses. Then it will be JC and then the group will sing the choruses. This is the demo of the song so you know what it sounds like." He knocked on the window and the guy on the soundboard pressed a button and the song came on. It played through and the music was being played into the studio and the guys were singing along to it. When it finished, we sat back and watched as they started. Justin was up first and he put on a pair of headphones and waited. The music started and he began to sing. Ohhh yeah You might been hurt, babe That ain't no lie I've seen them come and go...ooooo And remember you told me That it made you believe in no man no cry Maybe that's why. The producer behind the soundboard voice came on after Justin had finished. "That was good Justin, do it once more, but put more behind 'Babe' and 'Me', ok" Justin nodded and the music started up again. He ran through it again, this time emphasizing the two words more. As soon as he finished, the guy all started cheering. "Great Justin, that was perfect. Ok JC, you're up." Josh walked over to the microphone and took the headphones from Justin and put them on. He had closed his eyes and looked like he was running through his lines in his head. "Ready JC?" the producer said. He nodded and the music started up again. When his cue came up, he started to sing. You got no choice, babe But to move on You know there ain't no time to waste Cause you're just too blind, to see But in the end you know it's going to be me You can't deny So just tell me why When he finished, the producer came on again. "JC, that was flat. We need more emotion behind it...Try it again." Josh was looking at the floor and nodded his head. The music started again and he looked up and straight into my eyes. His cue came and he started. -You got no choice BABE -But to move on -You know there ain't no time to waste His hand went up and pointed directly at me -CAUSE YOU'RE TOO BLIND...TO SEE His eyes pierced into me as he started to pound on his chest. -BUT IN THE END YOU KNOW IT'S GONNA BE ME "JC." the producer said into his microphone as he pointed at me again. -YOU CAN'T DENY "Josh." Lance said walking up to him and putting his hand on Josh's shoulder. Josh put his hand over his heart. -SO JUST TELL ME WHYYYYYYY He stopped singing and was still staring directly into my eyes, with his hand on his chest, his chest was going up and down as he was breathing hard. The intense look on his face bore into my soul "JC, what the hell was that. Take five everyone...JC, get your shit together." The producer yelled into his mic. I broke the stare and looked around. Everyone in the room was staring at me. "I...I...." I walked out of the room and out of the building. I went to the parking lot and started to pace back and forth. I heard the door open behind me and foot steps. "What do you want Jay." I was spun around and the sides of my head were grabbed. Before I could look, I was pulled into a kiss. My struggling stopped as I gave into the kiss. As we slowly came out of the kiss, our lips parted. "Josh, I..." "Shhhhh, give me your keys." I reached into my pocket and took my keys out and handed them to him. "Get in the car Kyle." I got in the passenger side and he got into the driver seat. He started the car and drove out of the parking lot. I looked back and saw Jay and Lance coming out of the building. Jay was pointing to my car and Lance raised his arms up in the air and then dropped them to his side. "Josh, you have to..." "Kyle, I don't have to do anything." "But..." "Kyle, shut up....this time you are going to listen to me." "Josh, I...." "KYLE...SHUT UP. It's time for me to talk and for you to listen." I closed my mouth and leaned back in the seat as he took a deep breath. The car was silent for about a minute as he continued to drive around, not knowing where he was going and not caring. "Kyle, I have always been a quiet person. I have never said anything as people entered my life and then exited after tearing my heart apart. I've stood there silently as the chances for my happiness have just walked out of my life. Well that stops here." I listened silently as he stopped to gather his thoughts. "I believe in fate Kyle, and fate has led me to you. It brought you to that concert...It had you sitting in the one seat that I could see you among the hundreds of people...memorize your face...fall in love with you...It brought Lance and Jason together...It brought you to see Jason the day after I saw you....And fate brought us together again today....And yes, I did fall in love with you the moment I saw you sitting in the audience. Please Kyle, give us a chance, we were meant to be." "I don't know what to say Josh." "Say something...Say that when I'm near you, you can't breathe...When I look at you, you can't look away...When I speak to you, you can't hear anything else...When I touch you, you get goosebumps...When I kiss you, your heart stops beating...Cause that is what you do to me." "And if you do all that to me...What then Josh?" "What then...Fuck Kyle, can't you just admit it?" "Admit what?" "Admit that you love me...That you love me as much as I love you." "I did admit it." "Yes, you did...and then you ran." "I'm sorry Josh...What can I say...I'm a fuckin' coward...is that what you want to hear. I'm a 23 year old man that has lived his life as a lie...I've dated women all my life, but secretly I've always wanted to be with a man, to run my hands over a man's body, to make love to a man. I've been in love with my best friend since the day we met. I watched as he came to the realization of how he should live his life, knowing that I wanted the same. But I was to much of a coward to go through what he did. I'm sorry, that's what I am...I pushed my feeling so far back that I couldn't even feel them. Then one day, to see someone that brought those feelings to the surface. That broke down all the wall around my heart, took hold of it and made me feel whole. When I look at you Josh, I'm that young kid again staring at my best friend wanting just to be loved by him. It's taking all I have not to push the feelings I have for you back deep inside, never to be seen again." He took my hand and brought it up to his lips and kissed the back of it. "I won't let you. I will fight with everything I have to keep those feelings you have for me alive." "It's not worth it Josh...there's too much to lose and not enough to gain. We have different lives, separated by a country, thrown apart by the world." "Kyle, we can make this work...come away with me, right now. Let me show you that this can work...That we can work." "Josh, you have a life to lead. People are counting on you. We need to go back." "Fuck them Kyle. It's our time...Show me the way out of this damn city and let me show you what we can be..Together." I started to laugh. "What?" "Josh, that has got to be the chessiest thing I have ever heard." He smiled at me. "Gotta love the cheese." "Turn right up here." "Where does that go." "Back to the studio." He turned left. "Josh." "I told you...Fuck them. Now tell me how to get out of this city. Show me the way Kyle and I will follow." "Where the hell do you come up with this stuff." He flashed me this smile that melted my heart. I shook my head and looked down. There sitting on the side of the passenger seat was and envelope. I picked it up and looked at it. "Turn right up there Josh." "Where does it go?" "Home." "Why home?" "Just drive."