Date: Sun, 2 Jan 2000 16:52:29 -0800 From: K_Magic@Prodigy.Net Subject: Not Meant to Be ------------------------------- Not Meant to Be - Chapter Three ------------------------------- The door opened and there in front of me was Jen. "Damn, you look great." I said as she stepped out and I leaned towards her kissed her on the lips. "So, am I over dressed for my surprised or by surprise did you mean going out for pizza?" "I'm sorry, I had no clean spiffies. I promise, I will make this up to you." "Oh, yes you will. But it's Ok, I haven't had pizza in awhile." "You're too good for me." I said looking down not being able to look her in the eyes, knowing the full meaning of what I was saying was true. We got in my car and drove to the closest Round Table. "So, how was you day?" "It was great, I am loving this new position. I'm actually doing a job I enjoy. I'm so glad I got promoted to this positon." I took my right hand and placed it on top of her hand and was stroking my thumb over the back of her hand. "I'm so happy for you and so, so proud. I promise, we will go out someplace special...Saturday night ok." I turned to look at her and she smiled and nodded. "So, tell me about your day...How's Jason?" "He's Jay. He looks great and he's happy. His boyfriend is a really nice guy...his name is Kenny. Oh your not going to beleive this..." "What?" "Kenny is a road manager for the group that Kellie dragged me to go see last night. Small world huh." We arrived at the pizza place and went in and sat down at a booth. I got up and went to order our pizza. I walked back to the table. "Wine or beer?" "Beer will be fine." I went to the bar and order a pitcher of Anchorsteam and brought it back to the table and poured us each a mug. We each took a drink of our beer and then I reached across the table and took her hand and was stroking it like in the car. I looked her in the eye and smiled. "What?" "I just can't beleive how lucky I am to have you in my life." She removed her hand from mine and got up and moved over next to me. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and asked. "Why did you move, now I can't look at your beautiful face?" She leaned in and kissed me and placed her head against my shoulder. We were sitting like that when I noticed the music being played in the background. It was Josh's voice... Why didn't I notice (how much I love you baby) Why didn't I show it (If I had only known) When I had a chance Oh had a chance I drive myself crazy oh so crazy I lay awake I drive myself crazy Drive myself crazy Thinking of you Made a mistake (I let you go baby) I drive myself crazy (wanting you the way that I do) I lay awake I drive...my..self...crazy...crazy....crazy....crazy Made a mistake (let you go baby) I drive myself crazy (wanting you the way that I do) Drive myself crazy wanting you the way that I do My mind was on Josh...Thinking of him...am I making a mistake...I was like Josh was sing directly to me and it was driving me crazy. The next song started, I didn't recogize it, but it brought me out of my trace. I was listening to the words and it all became clear to me. "Here you go, one large combo...Any thing else I can help you with." The voice made me jump a little as it did Jen. "No, were fine, thanks." "Oh man, I was out of it for a second, sorry about that Ky...I must be more tired than I thought." "No problem, I was enjoying just being with you so close." I don't know where that remark came from, because the last ten minutes my mind had been totally on Josh. "Jen, can you excuse me, I have to hit the little boy's room." She got up and returned to the other side of the table. I got up and walked to the bathroom. I rinsed my face with cold water. I looked in the mirror and it was all clear to me now. I dried my face and left. As I passed the CD Jukbox, I stopped and asked the girls who were there who the last song was by. They told me and I went back to the table and sat down. Jen had waited for me and had place a slice of pizza on plates for each of us. We started to eat. "Sorry for being such a downer tonight, Ky, but I guess I'm a little worn out." "It's Ok, I don't think I could handle a long night either." We finished our dinner and left. In the car, Jen turned to me and said. "A penny for your thoughts" "I was just thinking about us." "And..." "Nothing...I came to realize just how much I love you. Whether it's going out and partying or spending the night at a Round Table or just sitting at home watching a movie...how much I enjoy just being with you." She just smiled as we pulled into her driveway. Want to spend the night?" "No your too tired and I don't want to be the reason for your colapse from exhustion tomorrow." "I don't want to do anything tonight, I just want you to hold me." "Can I take a raincheck, I kinda have to do something tonight..." "Ok...But Saturday night, don't make any plans...Your mine until Sunday morning if not longer." "Ok captain" We got out of the car and I kissed her goodnight. "Promise you will go right to bed." "Ok captain" "Love you" "Love you too" She opened her door and blew me a kiss and she closed it behind her. I drove away and went to Tower record. I bought a CD and popped it in when I got to the car. I searched for the song I wanted to hear and put it on repeat. I listened to it all the way to Sacramento. I got there about Midnight. I sat in the parking lot and listened to the song one more time. I pulled out a piece of paper out of my work planner and began writing. I finished and entered the hotel. Went up to Josh's floor and slipped it under his door and knocked loudly. I ran down the hallway to the staircase and ran down stairs. Josh heard the knock and ran to the door and threw it open expecting to see Kyle. There was no one there. He closed the door and noticed the papers on the floor. He picked them up and read. Josh, Please forgive me for the way I am handling this. I am a coward and I can't face you. If I had to look into your eyes I would not be able to do this. I want to appologize for everything I did today and everything I put you through, it was unfair of me to play with your emotions the way I did... I am truely sorry. I can't put into words anything I am feeling right now. I was out with Jen tonight and heard a song that can describe it better than I could ever. Please listen to the enclosed CD track 12. Know that I love you for what you did for me today and you will alway be in my heart. If things were different...if times were different...if I was different maybe...I just sorry. Please forget me and find someone you can truely be happy with. I am not the one that you are meant to be with. Keep looking, you will find that person. With all my heart Ky JC put the letter down and grabbed his DiscMan and put in the cd and forwarded to track 12. He knew the CD and the song. But listened to it for the first time with his heart. We both know that I shouldn't be here This is wrong And baby it's killin me, it's killin you both of us trying to be strong I've got somewhere else to be promises to keep someone else who loves me And trusts me fast asleep I've made up my mind There is no turning back She's been good to me And she deserves better than that It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do To look you in the eye And tell you I don't love you It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie To show no emotion When you start to cry I can't let you see What you mean to me When my hands are tied And my heart's not free We're not meant to be It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do To turn around and walk away Pretending I don't love you I know that we'll meet again Fate has a place and time So you can get on with your life I've got to be cruel to be kind Like Dr Zhivago All my love I'll be sending And you will never know Cause there can be no happy ending It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do To look you in the eye And tell you I don't love you It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie To show no emotion When you start to cry I can't let you see What you mean to me When my hands are tied And my heart's not free We're not meant to be It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do To turn around and walk away Pretending I don't love you Maybe another time, another day As much as I want to, I can't stay I've made up my mind There is not turning back She's been good to me And she deserves better than that It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do To look you in the eye And tell you I don't love you It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie To show no emotion When you start to cry I can't let you see What you mean to me When my hands are tied And my heart's not free We're nto meant to be It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do To turn around and walk away Pretending I don't love you I don't want to live a lie bye bye baby bye bye..... The song ended and JC took off his earphones and grabbed his diskman and threw it across the room. It hit the far wall and shattered into pieces. Tears were falling down his face as he turned over and cried himself to sleep. THE END If you have any comments, please e-mail them to me. Thanks K_Magic @ Prodigy.Net