Date: Mon, 10 Jan 2000 16:53:06 -0800 From: K_Magic@Prodigy.Net Subject: Not Meant to Be - Chapter Four Not Meant to Be To all: Thanks for writting in and asking me to continue this story. It took me a lot of thinking about it. I really liked the way the story ended in Chapter Three. I hope those who also saw it this way will not be disappointed with my decision to continue it. Actually, this chapter will continue the story, but it brings about a change in the story at the end. Future chapter will switch main characters and start out in the past. If you have any comments or suggestions, I would love to hear them. Send them to me at K_Magic@Prodigy.Net. Disclaimer... This is a fictional story between a fictional characters and Members of NSYNC. This in no way implies anything about the sexuality or any thing else of the members of NSYNC. This is all fiction Enjoy ------------------------------ Not Meant to Be - Chapter Four ------------------------------ I was totally out of breath as I exited the stair way into the lobby. I got my bearings and headed out the door. I fought my way through the crowd of young girl still hovering around the hotel. I made my way to my car, got in and started the engine. I leaned back with my hands on the steering wheel, not moving. "Why the fuck did this happen to me....Why Me...Why...." I was just shaking my head back and forth, when... Bang, Bang "Kyle, open the door...Hurry open it" I looked through my passenger side window to see the back of a blond head. I hit the auto lock button and unlocked the door. In a flash the person jumped in, slammed the door and yell "Drive". I put my car in reverse, backed out of the space and put it in drive. As I looked in my rear view mirror, I notice the gang of girls that were outside the hotel, were now running after my car. As I exited the parking lot, I looked at my passenger. Sitting next to me was Lance. He had a slight smile on his face and was the first to break the silence. "Rough day?" "What makes you say that?" "Nothing" He said as he leaned over and wiped a tear off my face. "Just a feeling I guess...wanna talk about it." "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in your hotel room asleep or something." "Hey, I just saw someone I know running out of a hotel with a not so happy face...I just thought that someone could use a friend. If I was wrong, just turn around and throw me to the wolves back at the hotel." "I would never do that to you. Why would you risk it...running out of the hotel like that just to come to see if I needed help." "I just felt I had too. What if something had happened to you, how could I ever look at Jason in the face again. Knowing that I saw you in a not so stable state of mind right before it happened. I could never live with myself." "Oh, so you think I'm suicidal or something....Crazy old Kyle kills himself." "Come on Kyle, knock it off. You know damn well that's not what I meant." "How do I know...I don't even know you Lance...You don't even know me. I could be some deranged maniac who kills young superstars." "I know you enough to know that isn't you. You're Jason's best friend and that means everything. Plus I trust Josh, he could never love some crazy lunitic." I slammed on the brakes, luckily Lance had his seat belt on. "What did you just say?" "Oh...I sorry Kyle...I didn't mean to say anything like that..." A honk from behind us got my attention and I stepped on the gas. "Kyle, look...Josh and I are really good friend. We tell each other everything. Earlier today, he told me everything that happened between you two. I was really happy for him...he had actually found a great guy that he loved. One that is intelligent, kind, loving and very attractive. But I could help but think what an asshole you were. To string Josh around like that and to fuck around behind your girlfriend back...with a guy...Does she even know your bi?" I sat there in silence as tears started to fall out of my eyes. I shook my head no. Words finally came out of my mouth. "I'm not" "Excuse me..." I could feel Lance glaring at me, but I couldn't turn to look him in the eye. "What is your fuckin definition of Bi...Let me tell you mine. Bi, to me, is when a man has a girl friend that he's fucking and then turns around and let's a man fuck him up the ass." His words hit me like a ton of bricks. I swerved on to the side of the road and stopped the car. I put it into park and put my head against the steering wheel. I was crying hard now and as I started to pound my head against the steering wheel, I felt Lance hand on my back. "Damn....Kyle...I'm sorry...I...I didn't mean it to sound like that, I'm sorry...It just, Josh and I go back...He's like a brother to me and I am going to protect him with everything I have. What you did to him...What you did to your girlfriend...It wrong and I just can't accept it." He pulled my head off the steering wheel and forced me to look him in the eye. "Kyle, you've got to set this right...It will kill you if you keep it inside. You need to accept who and what you are...You are a bi-sexual man who is in love with a women but who also had sex with a man who he has feeling for. Until you set this right with Josh, your girl friend and yourself you will never be happy. Lies will only destroy you...do you understand what I'm saying to you." I just sat there staring into his green eyes and finally nodded yes. "Good, now lets head back to the hotel, I have an early flight to New York tomorrow morning and I need some sleep. Let's switch, you're in no condition to drive right now. When we get back to the hotel, you can come crash in my room. It's too late for you to be driving home. No one will ever know. You can stay there until after we leave in the morning and then take off. Ok." I nodded yes. As we switched places, Lance pulled out his cell phone dialed a number waited...then pulled the phone away from his ear. He pressed three numbers then the pound key. He then shoved the phone back in his pocket. "Ready" He said as he started the car up. I nodded yes with a questioning look. He turned to me, smiled then spoke. "One question Kyle, do you know where the fuck we are? I don't have a clue." We drove around for about a half an hour and finally found our way back. All the girls were gone by now. It was heading toward two o'clock. All the way back, I just stared at this young blond singer. How could someone younger than me be so wise to the world. When we got to his room, he insisted that I take the bed and he crashed on the couch. I couldn't sleep at all. About four o'clock, I got up went to the bathroom and washed my face. I wrote Lance a quick thank you note and left. The roads were pretty empty, so I got home before the traffic hit. I was pretty much in a daze all the way home. Two days in a row driving home from Sacramento and I don't remember either of the drives. I was exhusted and as soon as I laid down on the bed, I was out. I was awoken by the ringing of the phone. I looked at the clock and it read 3:30. I picked up the receiver. "Hello?" "Hey Babe, you ok...you sound sick or something." "No, I'm fine, just taking a nap." "Sorry to wake you. So, how about you come over my house about seven. I'll pick up some chinese food and we can chill in front of the TV." "Sounds good to me" "Ok, I'll see you at seven, go ahead and go back to your nap." "Ok, bye hun" "Bye" Three hours later, I was awake. Showered, shaved and hair done, I was heading over to Jen's house. Since I had gotten up, all I could hear in my head was Lance's speech over and over again. But how could I set this right...How... I pulled up to Jen's house at the same time as she got home. I helped her unload the food, her dry cleaning and some groceries from her car. I kissed her on the cheek and asked how her day went. After a breif conversation about her day while we unpacked her groceries and put them away. We served ourselves some food and went and sat infront of the TV. She turned it on and we watched Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. At the end of Wheel, we had finished our dinner, so Jen picked up the plates and took them into the kitchen. From the kitchen she yelled "Hey, at eight turn it to channel 4 I want to see the tree lighting at Rockefeller square. I turned it to channel 4 and then hit the bathroom. When I got back, Jen was sitting on the couch. I joined her just as music started on the TV. "Hey, isn't that the group you saw with Kell?" I looked at he TV, and there was the guys singing Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays. "Um..Yeah." I sat there, eyes glued to the TV staring at Josh. Then Lance came on the screen. He looked into the camera and it was like he was looking into my soul. I was in a trance and my body had stiffened a little. Jen looked at my face and then back at the TV. "He's really cute" "Huh...What?" "I said he's really cute, the dark haired singer." "What make you say that?" I said defensively "Is that the one that Kell likes?" "Uh..No she like the curly haired one." "He's ok, the the dark haired one is really cute." I leaned back on the couch and put my hands over my face. "Ky, What's wrong?" Jen said as she turned the volumn down. "You've been acting strange ever since you came back from Sacramento...Did you and Jason have a fight or something." I shook my head no. "Ky, let me in...tell me please." She put her hand on my thigh. The same exact spot Josh had put his yesterday. Tears started to form in my eyes. "I can't Jen...I can't" "Come on Ky...you know I love you, you can tell me anything, please just let me in...let me help you." "Jen...I love you more than words can say...but I can't...it will hurt you too much and I can't hurt you like that." "You're hurting me more by blocking me out, please Ky." She started to cry. I moved my hands away from my face and looked at her. She had tears running down her face and I could see the concern she had in her eyes. "God...look what I'm doing to you...Jen...I'm so, so sorry." I grabbed her hand and brought it to my mouth and kissed it. "Jen...you got to believe me..I would never do anything to hurt you... and it is nothing you did...it's me all me..." "You're breaking up with me...Aren't you...Answer me Kyle........ God you're seeing someone else...That's it isn't it...Who is it Kyle...Who?" "Jen...I'm so sorry...I'm so confussed...I don't know what to say..." "Please Kyle" As she spoke, she closed her eyes and put out both arms with palms facing down she smoothed out the air in front of her and took a deep breath. Then with a calm voice she continued. "...Just tell me the truth...I'm not one of those weak women who is going to fall apart...just tell me the truth...Tell me who is it?... Then we will sit down and talk about what's next for us." She broke all contact with me and sat up straight with arms folded across her chest. I couldn't look her in the eyes. "Jen...I...I don't know what came over me...one minute we were talking, the next we were kissing...I had just looked in his eyes and we were kis..." "Whoa...whoa you said HIS eyes...It's a guy...Jason...you and Jason." "No, not Jason." She started to make a sound, halfway between a cry and laughter. "A guy...my boyfriend is fucking around with guy. Damn...What am I going to tell Mom this time... So Jen, how's Kyle.... Oh I don't know, Mom, he left me for a guy... Good going Jen, drove this one to homosexuality. Who is it Kyle?" I leaned back and closed my eyes. "His name is Josh" "Josh...Josh...Have I met him before" "No, but you have seen him and you did say he was cute" "When?" "Just a while ago, while he was on TV" "Shit...you're joking right...Is this some stupid way to get rid of me?" I looked a Jen and grabbed her hand. "No Jen, I would never lie to you. Please you got to beleive me... you did nothing wrong...it's all me...stupid fucked up me..." I put my head down on the couch and started to cry. Jen put her hand on my back and started to rub. "Kyle....Do...Do you love him?" I was taken aback by the question. Here I had just dropped the biggest bomb on the person that I loved and she was wondering whether or not I was in love. "What?" She lifted my head up. "Do you love him?" "I don't know...I really don't know...I'm so confused." "Look Kyle...I love you...probably more than I have ever loved anyone else...But I can not be a third person in a relationship. If you love him, I will bow out. But, if you love me and you can commit to me, tell me that I will be the only one, from this point on... I will fight for us. Answer me right now." "Jen...you are the one I want...the one I need...You don't need to fight I only want you...Please forgive me..." "I can't forgive you right now...This is tearing me apart inside and I don't know when I will recover. But we will survive. We will make this work. Now, tell me what feeling you have for Josh." "I can't, please...not now. Beleive me when I say that all I want in life is you...not Josh...not anything...just you." "Ok Ky, but this part of the conversation is not over...I want to continue it later. Just remember this, I trusted you and you broke that trust. Now I am putting my heart on the line and trusting you once more. Don't make me regret this decision." "Why are you doing this, Jen...Why...Why aren't you hitting me, kicking me, throwing things at me, yelling at me...Why Jen...Why...." "Ky, please look at me...Yes you hurt me...you hurt me deep inside and I don't know when it will heal...but it will heal. In my heart I love you and with that love I only want you to be happy. I know you would do the same for me. That is why I beleive we are worth it, you and I." "Just say you don't hate me...I can't live if I did something to you to make you hate me...please..." "Ky, I could never hate you...Well...if it was with another women... say that blond bitch that works with you or...the ugly whore that works at the bagel shop who always give you an extra bagel cause "Your such a cutie"...Then I think I could hate you. But....damn that boy is fine...Shoot I'd do him to if I had the chance." I burried my head in her lap and couldn't help myself from laughing. I sat up and put my palm on her cheek and looked her straight in the eye. "Please know that I do love you, I always have and always will." I kissed her on the cheek and started to get up, but Jen grabbed my hand. "Where do you think you're going?" "Come on Jen, this is akward enough. You don't want me near right now. I'm going back to my place. Call me when you can stand to be near me." "Ky, I do want you near...tonight...I want you to hold me...nothing more." I laid back down on the couch and she laid next to me. I wrapped my arms around her and we laid there in silence for a few minute." "That surprise on Saturday...it better be a Big one." "Ok, Ok...Surprise...Saturday...Big...It's down in my book." "Huge" "Ok Huge" "Soooooooo Big" "Ok" "Prime rib and lobster big..." "You got it" "Champagne big" "Fine" "Dancing big" "Yeah" Ball room dancing big." "What was that...I'm sorry, I still have ringing in my ears." "Yeah ringing...Did you hear ringing in your ears after our first time." I covered her mouth with my left hand and stroked her cheek with the back of my right. "No Hun, I heard our heartbeats beating as one, just like right now." She pulled my hand away from her mouth. "You can be so sappy sometimes" I hugged her tighter and kissed the back of her head as we both laid there in silence. Sleep over took us quickly. I awoke at about 2:45am. My left arm, which was under Jen, was totally numb. I lifted her head slightly and replaced my arm with a pillow. As the blood rushed back into my arm, the pain hit. It took a good 3 minutes for my arm to return to normal. I got up and went the the bathroom really fast. When I returned, I lifted Jen up and carried her to her room. I slipped her into bed and covered her. I kneeled next to the bed and gazed at her sleeping face. The face I had woken up next to on numerous occassions, the face I knew I could wake up next forever. I lean in and kissed her lightly on the lips. She stirred slightly then rolled over. I set her alarm clock and turn off the lights and left her house. I sat in my car in her drive way for awhile just running over the night in my head. "I made the right decision" I said smiling to myself as I started my car and drove home. When I got home, I just sat on my bed for a while. I wasn't tired so I turned on my computer and logged on to my ISP. I had 3 messages. The first was from Kellie. ------------------------------------------------------------ From: JRTisHot@AOL.Com Date: November 30, 1999 3:55 pm To: K_Magic@Prodigy.Net Subject: You are the bomb Ky, Jesse and I want to THANK YOU so much for taking us to the concert last night. You don't need to give me my picture back, I have it saved on my hard drive already. Oh and Jesse thinks you're totally hot...She just hit me. If I wasn't your niece, I would think you're a hottie too. But since you're my UNCLE you're just old. Later Kellie (Mrs Timberlake) --------------------------------------------------------------- I started to type a reply. --------------------------------------------------------------- From: K_Magic@Prodigy.Net Date: December 2, 1999 3:45 am To: JRTisHot@AOL.Com Subject: RE: You are the bonb Kell, Sweetie, you know I love you, But Kiss my ass you Perverted 13 year old spawn of Satan and her husband. All I got to say is there better not be pictures of me, like Jay's in Jesses backpack. You better hide that good on your drive, cause next time I'm over, I'm hacking in and it's out of there. No use changing your password cause I'll figure it out. Let see there was Justin4ever, oh and KellNJust...oh and don't forget your newest one CurlyBaby...I am so in your head...I know what you're thinking before you think it...so just delete that picture and shred the printout you made. Love Ky Ps You're welcome and tell Jesse the info about JC came in handy after all. ------------------------------------------------------------------ After I finshed typing and sent the message, I sat there just thinking about the conversation Josh and I had in the bathroom before we kissed. God those eyes. I shook the image of Josh out of my head. "No more of that." The next message was from Jason. ----------------------------------------------------------------- From: JKMartin@Yahoo.Com Date: December 1, 1999 4:15 pm To: K_Magic@Prodigy.Net Subject: Hello from NY Ky, Well, we just arrived at the hotel in New York it's about 7pm New York time. The plane ride was not fun. I have a shoot in NY in the morning so I flew with the NSYNC guys. Kenny flew on another flight with the gear and crew. I know what you and I talked about yesterday, but to see JC today...what happened. He cried almost the whole flight. Lance was with him the whole time comforting him, but it did no good. He wouldn't talk to anyone. When he finally took a nap, Lance came and talked to me, but didn't really say anything. I could tell he wasn't telling me the whole story. He looked really worried. I will understand if you don't want to talk about it, but if you need to write me back or if it important, you know my cell number. Well, write when you can and give my love to the family. Love J --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I wasn't in the mood to answer Jay right away so I went onto the last one. It was a name I didn't recognize. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: SsabSemaj@Yahoo.com Date: December 2, 1999 2:38 am To: K_Magic@Prodigy.Net Suject: Next time use this one Attach: Open ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was curious, so I clicked on the attachment and my Real Player started up and music started over my speakers. I don't care Don't care if it's not right To have your arms around me I want to feel what it's like Take all of you inside me In your eyes Forbidden Love In your smile Forbidden Love In your kiss Forbidden Love If I had one wish Love would feel like this I know That you're no good for me That's why I feel I must confess What's wrong is why it feels so right I want to feel your sweet caress In your eyes Forbidden Love In your smile Forbidden Love In your kiss Forbidden Love If I had one wish Love would feel like this If I only had one wish Love would always feel like this Wishin on the stars above Forbidden love If I only had one dream This would be more than it seems Forbidden Love In your eyes Forbidden Love In your smile Forbidden Love In your kiss Forbidden Love If I had one wish Love would feel like this In your eyes Forbidden Love In your smile Forbidden Love In your kiss Forbidden Love If I had one wish Love would feel like this Heaven forgive me Never forbid me Love should always feel like this As the song ended, it started over. I was sitting there in a total daze. I sat there aborbing the meaning of the song. My head started to pound and I sat there shaking my head. "Fuck...just drop it Ky...You did something that could have screwed up you life and you are getting a second chance. Your life is with Jen. Just drop it." I looked at the screen again...at the e-mail address and knew who it was ....It was Lance. It was like having a blond conscience sitting on... Jumping on my shoulder...pounding my head with a two by four. I couldn't think any more. I clicked the Real Player off and laid down on my bed. The first thought through my mind was Jason dies for giving my e-mail address to that blond freak with the green eyes. My second thought was... "FUCK ME..." My second thought was lost to me as I jumped out of bed and sat back down infront of the computer and clicked on new mail. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- To: JKMarin@Yahoo.com From: K_Magic@Prodigy.Net Subject: Asshole Does He sing "BASS" when you two are FUCKING?????? --------------------------------------------------------------------------- I hit the send button, powered off my computer and jumped back in bed totally pissed off. It was now 4:30 in the morning. My phone was ringing at 4:35am. I picked it up before the first ring was over. "Fuckin Spill it Jay."