Date: Fri, 24 Nov 2000 13:02:58 -0800 (PST)
From: Robin <nsajscgirl@yahoo.com>
Subject: Chapter 15, Now or Never, Boybands, Celebrity, Gay

Disclaimer: This is a piece of fiction, which means that it's not real.  I
do not know *N Sync or anything about their sexual preferences.  If you are
underage where you live or you don't enjoy homosexual fiction, please
leave.

Hi everyone.  Not a lot to say about this chapter except that I hope you
enjoy it.  This one's short but I had a hard time finding a place to stop
it.  Thanks to Cele for beta-ing.  :) Oh, one more thing, I've started
another story that I'm going to be posting on Nifty.  It's already up on my
website if you want to read it there.  It's called Prisoner of Love.
Otherwise, I'll be sending it to Nifty within the next couple of days.
Website: http://www.angelfire.com/boybands/nsajscgirl/index1.html Please
email me and let me know what you think about this chapter and the new
story.  Thanks!  Robin nsajscgirl@yahoo.com

Previously on Now or Never:

"I don't really want to talk about what you did or why you did it right
now.  I don't understand what you were thinking when you drugged Joey and I
don't think that I can talk to you about this reasonably.  You hurt Joe,
probably more than you know, and along the way, you changed our lives
completely.  You didn't seem to give us, your best friends, a second
thought when you slipped that drug into Joey's drink."  JC paused and took
a deep breath.  He ran thin fingers through his dark hair.  "I really can't
talk about this, Chris.  Go see Joey...he's waiting for you," JC said
before standing abruptly and exiting the waiting room.  Chris slowly
followed the lanky singer, his head bowed.  JC had disappeared down the
hallway and Chris made his way to Joey's room, nervousness twisting at his
stomach.


Now or Never
Chapter 15

	The only sound echoing throughout the nearly empty hallway was the
squeak of Chris's sneaks until he came to a stop at Joey's closed door.  He
nodded at the hulking figure of the bodyguard sitting across from Joey's
door that had been assigned to Joey and the guard nodded back.  As Chris
stared at the door, he realized that his palms were sweating and he wiped
them roughly on his jeans.  Chris could hear the sounds of some daytime
talk show through the door.  He slid to the side of the door, turning
around so that his back was to the wall.  With his eyes closed and his head
resting against the wall, Chris took in a deep breath, steadying his
nerves.  He got the uncomfortable feeling that this...this meeting was
going to change the rest of his life.  A young nurse in festive scrubs
passed Chris on her way down the hall and she gave him a sympathetic smile.
He managed a glimmer of a smile and she nodded to him, her eyes twinkling.
The guard's imposing face cracked into a reassuring smile and Chris slowly
released the air that built up in his lungs.  The sound seemed especially
loud in the quiet hallway.  'It's now or never,' Chris thought with
trepidation.  He swung himself around until he was facing the door and
without another moment's hesitation, he raised his hand and wrapped his
knuckles on the door.
	"Come in," he heard Joey say through the wood.  With one more deep
breath, Chris pushed on the handle and the wide door swung open silently on
its hinges.  Joey was sitting up in bed, a tray table hovering above his
waist.  His eyes were focused on the TV as he spooned another mouthful of
Jello into his mouth.  Joey's dark hair provided a stark contrast to his
now pale skin and it stood at odd angles from his head.
	"Joe?" Chris asked softly.  He watched with fascination and a hint
of sadness as Joey froze.
	"I thought you were JC or one of the nurses," Joey mumbled around
the Jello in his mouth.  He swallowed roughly before placing the cup of
Jello on the tray and pushing it away from his body.  After a moment's
hesitation, he turned to face Chris.  Chris had stopped in the entrance to
the room, unsure whether or not Joey actually wanted him there.  "You can
still come in though," Joey said softly.  Chris nodded and moved further
into the room.  He walked the outer perimeter of the room and went to stand
beside the large window that graced the opposite wall.  Joey's brown eyes
were intense and they watched every move Chris made until the older man
stood still, leaning his hip against the windowsill.  Once Chris realized
that Joey was watching him, he lowered his head in embarrassment and shame.
Silence filled the room, neither one of them willing to be the first one to
speak.
	Joey knew what would come out of Chris's mouth...apologies.  He
also knew that Chris would mean every word he said but that didn't help
Joey's confusion.  Throughout the night, he kept asking himself why Chris
would have done something like this to him.  Chris was supposed to be his
friend, his best friend, and if Joey could not count on that, what could he
count on?  He was as confused as hell.  He should have been mad with Chris
and he should have decided never to see him again.  But Joey couldn't do
that to the group.  He knew that if he forgave Chris it would be for the
group and not for himself, at least initially.  'Of course I'm going to
forgive him...I have to,' Joey thought to himself as the silence lengthened
in the room.  'There really isn't any other option.' Maybe later he would
be able to truly forgive Chris on a more personal level but that was going
to take a lot of time and effort on Chris's part.  Chris would have to work
hard to rebuild the trust that Joey once had in him.  They would start by
getting things completely out in the open.  Joey had heard Chris's
confession the night before but he knew that it would help for him to hear
it again and to try and understand what Chris had been thinking.  Joey
cleared his throat and Chris lifted his head to meet his friend's
questioning gaze.
	"Why?"  At Joey's question, Chris eyes became watery and he
sniffled, wiping the back of his right hand across his face.  "Tell me why
you did it again."  Chris stared at Joey for a moment before nodding.  He
didn't know why Joey requested him to go through it again, but he would if
that's what it took to get his friend back.
	"It was just a joke, Joey," Chris said softly, lowering his head
again.  "Jokes can sometimes get out of hand, you know that."  Chris paused
before raising his eyes to meet Joey's once more.  "You remember that time
in Germany when we...well, I decided that it would be hilarious for us to
spread cold water all over the floor of Justin's bathroom while he was
taking a shower?  You remember how he was singing that stupid Vanilla Ice
song?  "Ice, Ice Baby"?"  Joey allowed a small smile to cross his face as
he remembered Justin rapping to the song while he was in the shower,
unaware that both Joey and Chris were in the bathroom with him.  He nodded
at Chris.  "When he got out of the shower he slipped and we just thought it
was funny as hell.  It could have happened totally different.  He could
have really hurt himself."
	"But Chris...water on a floor is one thing, drugs in someone's
drink is something else entirely," Joey said harshly.  Just remembering
some of the jokes he and Chris had played on the others brought out
conflicting emotions in Joey.  Now that he thought about it, half of the
shit they pulled on JC, Lance, and Justin could have seriously hurt
someone.  'But no one was hurt,' Joey reminded himself.  He also made a
mental note to knock off the practical jokes from then on.
	"I know that, Joey.  God, don't you think I know that?!" Chris
exclaimed.  He threw his hands up in frustration before crossing them and
hugging himself tightly.  "I do know that, Joe.  It got out of hand.  I
honestly thought it was gonna be funny and that when you woke up in the
morning, you'd think it was funny too.  I was drunk and I wasn't thinking
straight at all.  I was just ready for a good laugh.  Believe me, I
never...NEVER meant to hurt you.  How many times do I have to apologize,
Joey?  Two?  Ten?  A million?  I will as many times as it takes.  I'm
sooooo sorry, Joey.  I could have lost you and I don't want to even think
about that.  That's something I couldn't even imagine in my worst
nightmares because you are my best friend."  Chris's desperate words seemed
to have little effect on Joey and Chris couldn't help the sob that escaped
his lips.  Joey stared at him resolutely, daring him to beg more.  He
started to open his mouth and plead with Joey to forgive him but was
interrupted by a soft knock at the door, which was cracked slightly.
	"Good morning," Dr. Jenkins said from the hallway as she pushed the
door open completely.  As she stepped into the room, Chris and Joey shared
an unsure glance.  They both wondered how long she had been standing there.
"I'm just coming in to check on your stats," she explained as she walked to
Joey's bed.  She pulled a clipboard out from under her arm and smiled at
Joey while she started checking the various machines that surrounded him.
"So, how are you feeling this morning, Mr. Fatone?"  Joey returned her
smile before answering.
	"I'm fine, doctor.  But it's just Joey, okay?"  She nodded and
glanced over at Chris who was watching her movements absently.  It was
obvious to her that he wasn't completely there.
	"Did you sleep well last night?"
	"Um, not really.  I couldn't fall asleep," Joey said.
	"Well, if you still can't go to sleep tonight, we'll give you
something to help you out, okay?"  Joey nodded and she continued to move
around the bed, occasionally scribbling down something on Joey's chart.
Once she finished, she stood at the foot of Joey's bed, her stance
uncertain.  After a moment of silence, she came to a decision and looked at
Chris before speaking.  Chris's head was bowed as he studied the shiny
tiles of the floor until her words caught and held his complete attention.
"Well, now I know that it wasn't a suicide attempt, I'm a little relieved,
but at the same time I'm a bit horrified."  Chris and Joey shared another
glance, this one nervous.  There was no doubt in Chris's mind that the
doctor had been standing at the door several minutes before she announced
her presence.  A shiver of fear streaked throughout Chris's body as his
brain processed exactly what that meant.  She could, without hesitation, go
to the police with this new information and in the process destroy the
story they had given the police.  "I like a good practical joke as much as
the next person, but don't you think drugging your best friend's drink is a
little..."
	"I don't need you to tell me that what I did was stupid, Doctor!"
Chris bit out, anger burning in his eyes at this woman's lecturing.  She
bit back a response and nodded at them before walking back towards the
door.
	"Doctor!?" Joey called out hoping to stop her before she left.
	"Yes?" she asked, resting her hand on the steel handle of the door.
	"Are you going to tell the police what you heard?" he asked softly,
willing her to turn around and face them.  She did turn around slowly as
she thought about her response.  Joey's soft brown eyes pleaded with her
silently.  Chris held his breath as he waited for her to speak.
	"No, I'm not," she said finally after a moment of silence and she
couldn't help but notice the sighs of relief that echoed throughout the
room.  "I'm not going to tell the police this because it's obvious to me
that you," she paused, looking pointedly at Chris, "know that what you did
was stupid and I'm pretty sure that you've learned your lesson...at least
from what I heard.  This is something the two of you have to work out
between yourselves and I think outside involvement would just add to the
pain and anger.  I'm just guessing but I don't think you are going to want
to press charges, right?"  Joey nodded and she continued, "There is one
condition though."
	"What condition?" Chris asked.
	"I won't tell the police what happened as long as both of you get
help.  From what your friend said earlier, it's obvious that you don't have
any problems with popping drugs at parties and parties are a constant thing
for you guys.  Drugs have this sneaky way of catching up to you without you
even noticing it, trust me.  So all that I ask is for you to please get
help, okay?  That's my one condition and believe me, if I find out that you
haven't seen anyone about your drug problems, I'll make you pay."  She
stared at them intently until they both nodded solemnly to her.  With that
said, she smiled and opened the door quickly, exiting with a flare.
	After the doctor's departure, the door swung shut behind her and
the silence lengthened throughout the room.  The two men ignored each
other's gazes and stared at everything and anything but each other.  That
had been a close call...too close in Chris's opinion.  He still wasn't
completely sure that the doctor would keep her discovery to herself, but he
had to trust her and hope that she would keep her promise.
	"Well, I guess she didn't give us much of an option, huh?" Chris
said, half-jokingly, half-serious.  Joey's gaze stopped roaming and he
looked at his "friend" in disbelief.
	"No, she didn't."  Joey's clipped tone captured Chris's attention
and he returned Joey's glare.  He threw his hands in the air.
	"I didn't mean anything by it, Joey.  She's completely right and
I'm relieved that she decided not to go to the police as long as we get
help."
	"I don't need help, Chris," Joey bit out before he could stop
himself.  He couldn't help the feelings welling up within his body.  He
felt betrayal, anger, and helplessness boil inside of him and he lashed out
at Chris because Chris was the cause of those feelings.  "If anyone needs
help, it's YOU!  You almost killed me and you sit back and claim that it
was just a fucking JOKE!  A joke that could have killed me."  His voice had
raised steadily until he was shouting at Chris, his right hand jabbing at
the older man to make a point.  Chris stood still under Joey's onslaught,
shock filling his dark eyes.  He knew that Joey had every right to yell at
him, but Joey was...Joey and Joey didn't do those things.  "I was fucking
fine until you decided to play a little joke on me, Chris!  You're the one
with the Goddamn problem!"  Joey paused, his chest heaving from the
exertion.  Tears were burning at the back of Chris's eyes as he processed
what Joey was saying.  The door swung open suddenly to reveal JC, who was
panting as if he'd run all the way down the hall.
	"Joey, the whole hall can hear you!" JC managed to hiss after he
shut the door behind himself.  Joey glared at him resolutely before turning
back to Chris to continue his verbal attack.  "Joey," JC warned sternly.
Once he was sure that Joey would keep his words to himself, JC turned cold
eyes to Chris.  "I think it'd be a good idea if you left now."  Chris
looked at Joey's flushed face and nodded.  As Chris made his way towards
the door, he paused beside JC.  He turned around to face Joey and waited
patiently for Joey to return his gaze.
	"I really am sorry, Joey.  I'll apologize a million times for what
I did, although I know it won't make up for what I did.  I'll be the first
to admit that I have a problem with drugs and alcohol, but Joey, I'm not
the only one," Chris said softly as Joey's deep brown eyes met his.  "I'm
so sorry," Chris managed to say again as tears started to spill down his
cheeks.  He stared at Joey for another moment before he turned on his heel
and left the room without sparing JC another glance.  JC stared after Chris
until Joey's quiet sobs filled the room.  He turned towards his friend and
quickly moved to the bed to offer Joey as much comfort as he could.

**

	(Lance Bass residence...)
	Sunlight filtered through the large open window in Lance's living
room.  It washed away all the romance that the shadows had provided the
night before, but neither man asleep on the floor cared.  The fire from the
night before had died out, leaving a chill in the room, but Lance had
evidently gotten up during the night to cover them with a blanket Justin
discovered as his eyes fluttered open.  He blinked against the bright light
and shifted on the rug.  His arms tightened around Lance's waist and he
took the opportunity to watch his lover.  'Sleep suits Lance,' Justin
decided silently as his ocean blue eyes roamed Lance's smooth, unlined
face.  He marveled at the innocent quality Lance's features held while he
was sleeping.  Justin unwrapped his right arm from Lance's body and used it
to reach up and touch Lance's cheekbone with the tips of his fingers.  The
skin was amazingly soft beneath Justin's touch and he watched in
fascination as Lance's lips parted slightly, exhaling.  The feelings of
contentment and wonder that Justin was feeling had the power to be
overpowering and he smiled to himself as he realized that Lance was his.
Last night had sealed it...he belonged to Lance and Lance belonged to him.
	"Good morning," Lance said softly, catching Justin unaware.  Justin
discovered Lance's amazing eyes staring back at him.  He smiled softly and
bent his head to kiss Lance gently.
	"Good morning," he replied as he pulled back.  Lance smiled and
snuggled closer to Justin.  He closed his eyes once more and reveled in the
feeling of Justin's lean body against his.  Justin's soft silky hands
danced over his back, rubbing soothing circles into his muscles and Lance
allowed his hands to come up and caress Justin's chest.  His hands made
their way up to Justin's face where he cupped Justin's cheeks and brought
his head up to kiss Justin again.  They both froze in their positions as
the sound of the front door opening penetrated their thoughts.
	"Oh fuck," Justin muttered as he sat up quickly.  He looked around
frantically and caught sight of Lance who was looking just as terrified as
he knew he must look.
	"L...Lance?!" Chris's voice called out from the foyer and the
lovers shared a look of horror.  This is not how Justin imagined announcing
their relationship to the guys and Justin's heart started to beat faster as
he jumped to his feet and looked around the floor for his pants.  Lance sat
there on the floor, seemingly frozen into a sitting position.  He looked up
at Justin in shock, waiting for the moment Chris would step into the living
room.  Justin was tugging his pants up over his thighs when Chris walked
into the room.  To his credit, he didn't scream or stalk out of room
immediately.  Chris's small eyes took in everything from Lance's naked form
hidden underneath the blanket to the dozens of candles that littered the
room, most of the completely melted.  He watched Justin search for his
shirt and Lance's eyes close in embarrassment.  Chris knew exactly what was
going on.  He didn't even have to ask, but he did anyway; he couldn't help
himself.  "What the hell?"

tbc...
Please email me and let me know what you think!  nsajscgirl@yahoo.com