Date: Sat, 13 Mar 1999 17:16:13 -0800
From: Zeo <zeo@sfsu.edu>
Subject: N Sync Love pt5

** I guess you guys have been waiting for this next segment of the 
** story.  I thought that I wrapped things up already.  I guess I wasn't 
** too clear.  Read the other N' Sync and BSB stories, they are way more 
** interesting than this one.  You can say that this story is one of those 
** 50 new "boy" bands that won't succeed.  Oh, well..

** I have also noticed that I kinda used some ideas from other writers.
** I'm really sorry for doing so.  I didn't know until I posted it up
** and re-read some of the older stuff.  I know that I used some parts
** of "Just-JC" as well as "Brian and Justin." There are other stories
** that I used ideas as well...sorry about that.  I'll try not to do that
** in future segments.

** This segment contains more narration than usual.  I don't know why, 
** but it does and I don't like it.  You can't put feelings in a narration.  
** All of the mentioned lyrics go to their respected songs.


Chapter 9: On My Own...


	Everyone's eyes grew big when they saw who was sitting there.
	"Oh my God," Myra tried not to yell.
	"Damn they look so FINE," Ellen added.
	"What do they have that I don't?" Hung questioned.
	Myra and Ellen looked at him for a moment and started laughing, 
"They've got a lot of things that you don't have," Ellen said.
	"Yeah right," rolling his eyes back.
	"I can't believe that they're here!" Jamila said as she squeezed 
Jerry's arm.
	"Yeah I know," Jerry commented, "I wish I could get an autograph 
from them so I can give it to my niece.  She's nuts over them."
	"We're nuts over them too you know," Ellen and Myra said in unison 
to Jerry.
	"Gee," I finally started to speak, "I didn't know that the 
Backstreet Boys were in town."
	Everyone looked at me like either I was totally blind or 
absolutely insane.
	"Backstreet Boys?" Ellen sarcastically asked, "Where the hell did 
you get that idea?"
	"Yeah Mano," Myra punching me in the arm, "You're blind.  That's 
N' Sync."
	"Oh....I see," sounding that I didn't know the difference.
	"You're hopeless," Jerry added.
	"Fine," I said crossing my arms, "I guess you're not getting the 
autographs that you wanted."
	"What?" everyone except Ellen shouted.
	"What'd you mean 'getting autographs?'" Jamila leered towards me.
	"Mano said that he knows them," Ellen responded, not sounding that 
she believed me.
	"You?" Myra looking at me funny, "Yeah right."
	"I see you guys don't believe me," getting annoyed at them.
	"You don't have to make up stories for us to like you," Jerry 
said, "We like you for who you are."

	That did it.  I couldn't believe that I was being shot down in 
front of people who wanted to get to know me better. I stared at Jerry 
long and hard.  He drew back into his seat sensing my anger.  Everyone 
felt awkward at what had just transpired.

	"I...I'm sorry," Jerry said softly, "It....it's just hard for us 
to believe that you know them.  I mean...we just met you and all, and 
we're not sure if you are telling the truth or not...." he rambled on.
	"Don't take it personal," Jamila tried to defend him, "Everybody's 
like that."
	That put me over the edge, "FINE!" I yelled at them, "If you guys 
feel that way about me, then see ya!" I quickly stood up and started to 
walk away.
	"Wait!" Jerry tried to call me back, "We didn't mean it."

	Myra tried to grab my arm, but she only caught air.  I was 
infuriated.  I couldn't believe that I was just dissed by my so called 
"friends."  What...doesn't anyone tell the truth around here anymore?  I 
could only hear the dance music that was going around me.  I didn't even 
look back at them. I squeezed through people what were dancing and in 
certain spots, I had to push my way through.  From the table, the guys 
looked pretty close, but when you actually try to walk over to them, its 
a lot farther that you might expect.  
	I finally reached the guys' table and I was a little bit 
surprised.  I noticed that each of them wore the jeweled pins that I 
gave.  The pins were quite noticeable and I was surprised that they 
decided to wear it so prominently.  They didn't have their usual faces.  
They had sweat on their foreheads indicating that they had already 
danced, but there was something in the air.  All of them just looked at 
the table.  I saw Lance swirling the ice cubes in his drink with a 
straw.  Joey and Chris were trying to make something with the napkins in 
front of them.  JC and Justin just slouched in their seats.  'What 
happened to them,' I thought to myself.

	"Umm...excuse me, but would you mind if I got your autographs?" I 
asked in a meek tone.
	"Actually..." Lance started as he kept playing with the ice, 
"...we're really not in mood right now. If you mind, we would like to be 
alone."
	I was really getting worried.  I would never have imagined that 
they would turn down a fan. "Yeah...well," I said normally, "...I miss 
you too."
	All of them snapped their heads up and looked so surprised, I 
thought they saw a ghost.
	"Mano?!?" they asked in unison.
	"Gee...It's only been a couple of weeks and you guys forgot what I 
look like already," I joked.
	Justin grabbed my hand and shook it vigorously.  Without warning, 
he gave me a hug.
	"We all miss you," he beamed me with a smile.
	JC grabbed an empty seat from the nearby table, "Have a seat," he 
offered me.
	I accepted and everyone livened up quite a bit.  I had no idea 
that I had this much influence over them. "You guys look so out of it," 
I said getting straight to the point.	
	"Our tour schedule really sucks right now," Chris said angrily.
	"Yeah....We don't have free time anymore," Lance added.
	"It wasn't as bad as before," Joey stepped in.
	"Now it's just concerts, interviews, appearances and more 
concerts," JC sighed, "We want another vacation."
	"There's always a trade-off," I tried to assure them, "You just 
have to endure it until it's over or you've gotten used to it."
	"We know...we know," Justin said, "But since you're here maybe it 
could be a little easier."
	Everyone nodded their head in agreement, but I wasn't quite sure 
what Justin had meant by that.
	"What brings you to the Sound Factory?" I asked, changing the 
subject.
	"We thought that we could try to calm down," JC answered, "We're 
not far from the hotel."
	I turned to look at Justin, "I thought you weren't old enough to 
go clubbing?"
	"Everyone had to go," Lance spoke up for him, "So we dragged him 
in here."
	"Actually, it's pretty cool in here," Justin said to me.
	"OK, another annoying question for you guys," I said.
	"You're never annoying," Chris interrupted.
	"Anyway....what are you doing here in San Francisco?"
	"We're doing our new video," Joey smiled, "They're filming it at 
one of the warehouses," he whispered to me.
	"I see..."
	"How've you been doing?" Justin asked.
	"Me?  Well, it's the same old stuff," I sighed.
	"What about your prom?" JC asked next, "When's it gonna be?  Did 
you pick out a theme.  Which hotel did you pick?"
	I laughed at JC and everyone joined in, "Hold on, hold on.  It 
sounds like I'm being interviewed here instead of you guys.  But 
seriously...my prom won't happen until mid-May and I haven't gotten 
around looking for a ballroom yet.  I should cause time's running out.  
As for the theme, I'm gonna use one of your songs."
	JC looked at me quizzically, "Yep...I'm going to use 'A Little 
More Time' as the theme."
	Justin smiled widely, "You finally figured out who we are, huh?"
	"Yeah...I knew you guys were famous, but I never imagined that you 
guys are actually the Backstreet Boys."

	There was silence at the table.  Suddenly Joey, Lance and Chris 
busted up laughing.  It was so contagious that JC, Justin and I joined 
them in the laughter.  After Lance settled down a bit, he flagged down a 
waitress and ordered all of us drinks.  None of us could drink any type 
of alcoholic beverage because we might get a hangover the next morning.

	"Are you guys doing anything tomorrow?" as I took a sip of Sprite.
	"We still have to finish up the rest of the video," Chris 
responded, "Then we can get the rest of Saturday off as well as a little 
bit of Sunday morning."
	"Are you doing anything tomorrow?" JC asked.
	"I have to go to work that morning," I turned towards him, "Then, 
I'll be off at around 5:30."
	JC smiled widely, "That's cool.  Maybe we can get a tour of the 
city from you."
	I was ecstatic and Justin began to speak, "You and Lance get off 
early, while the rest of us has to work." crossing his arms.
	I frowned, "Are you guys doing anything on Sunday?" I hesitantly 
asked, "I have the day off."
	"Yeah, good idea," Justin replied, "We won't be leaving until 3 in 
the afternoon.  That'll be great!"
	I was relieved that I would be able to spend some time with the 
guys.  I miss having company.
	"Which video are you guys making?" I remembered.
	"It's going to be 'Tearin Up My Heart'", Joey responded.
	"Cool."

	I sat there at the table and chatted away with everyone.  I was 
surprised that the guys missed me as much as I missed them.  I guess 
there's a mutual feeling between all of us.  There was one strange thing 
though.  Every time, JC would crack a joke, he would always nudge me 
with his elbow, hinting that I should laugh with him.  I would either 
laugh or chuckle at his jokes anyway.  But every time JC nudged me, 
Justin kinda glanced over and looked at us.  Not to mention the fact 
that Lance also looked in my direction as well.  Something's been 
happening while I was gone.  Oh no, not again...
	We chatted as if I never left Orlando.  I asked them what they've 
been up to and everyone complained and bitched about their tour 
schedule.  They asked me what I've been doing and I complained and 
bitched about my school schedule.  We had a good time and laughed like 
crazy.  Lance and Chris kept getting the waitress and we probably had 
about 3 rounds of non-alcoholic juice or some sort of fruity drink.  
Time was passing pretty quickly.  No one felt like dancing and everyone 
was interested in the local life around here as well as juicy gossip.  
They swear I know that kind of stuff around here.


	A few tables away, my friends were watching me with awe.
	"Look at that," Jamila said pointing in my direction, "Mano's 
cuttin' it up with them."
	"It's as if he knows them or something," Hung responded.
	Then in dawned on Jerry, "What if he really DOES know them?"
	Everyone was quiet until it sunk in.  "And we called him a liar," 
Myra looked down at the table sad.
	"What're we going to do?" Ellen spoke, "I thought he was just 
joking."
	"Well, Jerry?" Hung looking at him, "Do you have any ideas?"
	"Why does it have to be me?" Jerry replied annoyed.
	"Because you're the one who told him that we didn't trust him," 
Jamila pointing at him.
	"What'd you mean?  You all agreed with me.  You have apologize to 
him as much as I have to.  I'm not going to take all of the blame cause 
you guys won't admit that you were wrong," looking at everyone angrily.
	"OK, OK, relax Jerry," Ellen admitted, "We'll all apologize to 
him."
	"I don't think he wants to talk to us right now," Myra said 
looking at our table, "It looks like he would rather be with them."
	"We have to apologize to him," Jamila said.
	"But do we do it now or later?" Jerry asked.
	"We'll do it now," Hung got up his seat and started to walk 
towards my table.



	"What do you mean you guys can't get a date?" I asked them in 
shock.
	"Well you see," Lance looking down at the table, "It's pretty hard 
to get to know someone while you're on the road."
	"Yeah," JC sighed, "The second we start to get to know someone, we 
have to leave to the next spot."
	"And they can't come with us," Joey added.
	"Lemme guess...their parents won't let them go with you, right?" I 
started laughing and Joey blushed.
	As we continued to talk about pick-up lines and such, the guys 
started to quiet down a bit and looked over my shoulder.
	"What?" I asked all of them.
	"Ahem," Hung said behind me.
	"What do you want?" I asked without turning my head.
	"Can we talk?"
	"We're talking now."
	There was a small pause, "It's about earlier."
	I turned to look at him angrily, "Jerry made it crystal clear that 
all of you didn't believe a word I said.  Why would I believe a word you 
have to say?"
	First there was an expression of shock and then of anger, "I came 
over here to apologize to you and you just diss me?  Fine, I shouldn't 
have come in the first place," he stormed away of the table.
	I turned and looked at the guys.  They were surprised at what had 
just happened.
	"What was that about?" Justin asked with concern.
	"Nothing important...anymore," I replied looking at my glass.
	"You are a really bad liar," JC said, "We're here to help you 
out."
	I looked at him and smiled a little, "Well it's like this....My 
co-workers invited me to go clubbing so they can get to know me better.  
Then I told them that I knew you guys.  They just laughed at it and said 
it in my face that I was a liar...." trailing off.
	An awkward silence came forth.  "I understand what you're 
feeling," Lance spoke up, "They should have at least given you the 
benefit of the doubt."
	"That's what I thought," I looked up at him, "But I guess everyone 
here in San Francisco is suspicious of everybody."
	JC put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed a little, "Don't worry 
Mano, all of us believe you no matter what you say."
	I looked up at JC and he was smiling.  I looked at the rest of the 
guys and they were smiling as well.  I felt so safe with these guys.  As 
if I finally have a place where I can belong and not to be worried about 
what other people said.
	"You guys hungry?" I finally spoke up.
	"Yeah," Chris said, "We hadn't eaten in a while."
	"There's a cool little diner that is really close by.  It's on 
Third Street.  I think it's called Max's Diner."
	"Hey, I haven't been in one in a long time," Justin smiled.
	"Then it's set," Lance concluded.

	We got up out of our seats and started toward the exit.  There 
were a lot of people on the dance floor and we had to squeeze through 
all of them.  Once in a while, one of the guys was stopped by a fan and 
they gave them an autograph or such.  I passed by the table where my 
"friends" were and I didn't look at them.  I was mad as hell and right 
now I did not want to even be near them.  To think that they wanted to 
get know me better, but just blew me off.
	Finally outside, the Lance called for the limo on his cell.  
Within a few minutes, the limo had arrived and we hopped in.  I told the 
driver where to go and we were off.  It really was a short drive from 
the club to the diner.  Since it was pretty late at night, there were 
hardly any cars on the road.  It took only five minutes to get there. We 
hopped out and walked to the entrance.  
	The diner was your typical diner.  The outside had very shiny 
aluminum trims and very large windows.  Inside, it just looked so cool.  
Everything looked like the 50's.  The bright red stools as well as the 
jukebox prominently positioned against one of the walls.  When Chris saw 
it, he ran over and looked through all of the selections.  All of us 
just laughed and headed toward one of the tables in the corner next to 
the window.  The waitress came over and handed each of us a menu plus an 
extra one for Chris.  When Chris came back, jazz softly mingled in the 
air.

	"Nice choice," JC commented.
	"I knew you'd like it," Chris said.

	We briefly looked over the menu to see what they had to offer.  JC 
ordered a Max burger with some water; Justin got the BLT and orange 
juice; Chris decided on the cheeseburger with onion rings and a Sprite; 
Joey wanted the flame-broiled burger with juice; Lance ordered the 
chicken sandwich with Coke; and of course I got the garden burger with a 
strawberry-coke.  All of the entrees included fries and some greens.

	Lance looked at me funny, "What's a strawberry-coke?"
	"You haven't heard what that is?" I looked at him quizzically.  He 
just shook his head.
	"It's Coke with a hint of strawberry extract." I explained.
	"Oh," he said, but I could tell he didn't quite understand what it 
was.
	"I'll give you a sip so you can taste what it is.  It's kinda hard 
to explain," I offered and Lance agreed.

	Again, we just talked about this and that.  Along the way, we 
would look outside to make sure that a crowd hadn't formed outside of 
the diner.  Just in case we had to depart rather quickly.  I asked them 
all sorts of questions.  During the interrogation, I thought about what 
I was doing.  I realized that I was sounding and acting like a crazed 
fan.  Knowing this, I eased up on asking too much cause I know that the 
last thing the guys wanted to hear is somebody asking a zillion 
questions about them.
	The food came and we dug in.  From the look of everyone eating, 
they were quite hungry.  Halfway through Chris' meal, he got up and 
headed to the jukebox once again.  This time Frank Sinatra's voice was 
permeating through the empty diner.  It was really empty in here.  It 
was just us, the waitress and the cook.  The loneliness of the place 
didn't bother me, as long as the guys were here, I could never be 
lonely.  
	I gave Lance a couple of sips of my soda and he loved it.  He told 
the others guys to try it out.  They all took a sip of it and thought it 
tasted pretty cool.  By the time I wanted to drink from it, it was 
almost empty.  I just looked at them and they laughed.  I asked the 
waitress for some vanilla-coke this time around.  Lance wanted to get a 
taste of that too as well as everyone else.  I told them that if they 
wanted to taste it, they should order one of their own instead of 
drinking mine all up.  We all laughed.

	I looked at my watch and was surprised that it was almost 2 AM, 
"It's getting late you guys."
	Everyone looked at their watches and agreed, "We have to get to 
the warehouse my 10," Lance said.
	"OK...How's tomorrow gonna work?" I asked.
	"We'll have the limo go to your work and pick you up," Justin 
said, "That way you won't get lost getting to where we are."
	"Sounds good," I smiled.  I turned to Lance and JC, "Is there any 
particular place you want me to show you?"
	They thought about it for a minute, "Nope, surprise us," JC 
replied.
	"That I will," I smiled wickedly.

	The guys paid for the meal.  I wanted to pay for my share, but 
Justin insisted that I had already more than made up for it.  I didn't 
understand and let it go.  We hopped back in the limo and the guys 
wanted to drop me off first even though I knew that their hotel was 
really close by.  We cruised along the freeway for a few minutes and I 
pointed to some interesting sites....well interesting to someone who 
hadn't been here before.  We entered this little neighborhood and the 
guys were surprised that I lived in a small house.  I explained to them 
that I really didn't have much, but I still called the place home.  They 
all understood and bid me farewell.
	I went into the house and again the lights were off.  I didn't 
turn on all of them, just enough so I can see where I was going.  I 
entered my room and flopped onto the bed.  I flipped over and looked at 
the ceiling.  I smiled widely.  I had no idea that seeing the guys would 
brighten up my week.  I guess I've bonded with them....it's been a long 
time since I bonded with anyone.  I drifted to sleep thinking of what I 
was going to with JC and Lance.

	The limo pulled away from my house and they were off towards their 
hotel.  They guys had smiles on their faces from meeting up with me.  
They never realized how much I cheered them up so much.  They were glad 
that JC did crash into me in the first place.  Everyone sat in silence 
sleepily looking out the windows.  Once in a while Justin would glance 
towards Lance.  He would catch him glancing towards JC and then back 
towards the window.  Justin glanced at JC and saw him with his eyes 
closed still smiling.  Justin sighed very quietly.  The ride back to the 
hotel was a quick, but silent one.  The limo reached its destination and 
everyone stepped out.  They sleepily walked through the lobby and rode 
the elevator.  Each of them had a room to themselves and they said good-
night to each other.
	Chris and Joey dropped dead on their bed fast asleep thinking of 
the times they had in Orlando.  Lance and JC was just excited to see me 
again, but the call of nature put them quickly to bed.  Justin lay on 
his bed staring at the ceiling.  He was thinking about what happened in 
the limo.  He quickly put it aside thinking that he was just imagining 
things.


	Morning was upon me as the alarm blazed in my room.  I groggily 
shut the annoying buzzer and took a quick shower.  I dressed for work 
and grabbed my backpack.  I stepped out of the house and was surprised 
that my car wasn't there. 'Damn,' I thought to myself, 'I left it at the 
theatre.'  Luckily, I was always early for work and I was able to hop a 
bus to work.  As I walked towards the front entrance, I noticed that 
there were no cars in the parking lot, except mine.  The rest of the 
guys didn't arrive yet so I opened one of the glass doors and went in.  
I did the routine counting of stock and opening banks.  Once I was done 
verifying the banks in the saferoom, I walked back out into the lobby to 
put them in their respected drawers.  I noticed that there were some 
employees sitting on the benches just outside.  I let them in and they 
headed for the lockerrooms upstairs.
	Things were pretty running smoothly.  All of the floor staff were 
here and I had just finished setting up the last of the film to be 
started.  I went back downstairs and looked around.  None of the morning 
assistant managers or supervisors were here yet.  I asked people if they 
saw them and they said that they hadn't arrived yet.  I was getting 
worried.  It was almost time to open and I was the only one here.  'Was 
it because of last night,' I thought to myself, 'Well its pretty 
childish of them to leave me like this.'
	The doors opened and customers waltzed in.  Popcorn was popping and 
the lobby slowly changed from an empty room to one full of life.  I 
was getting the hang of running the place by myself.  There was the 
occasional rude customer who swears they are always right, but I managed 
to push a few buttons and they walked away thinking they've won.  None 
of the employees tried to do anything to me because they knew that I was 
by myself and I didn't need to be bothered by anything.  I could be 
quite a jerk when the situation allowed it to be.
	It was almost 5 and I had to shut down some of the registers so 
that the next wave of employees can be ready.  By this point, I was 
starving.  I couldn't take a break because no one was there to relive 
me, so I kept on working.  Luckily Arc came by early.

	"Hey Mano, what's up," as he waved to me.
	"Nothing much," I replied, "Could you help me close some of this 
stuff down?"
	"Huh?" looking at me confused, "Where's everyone?"
	"They ditched me," looking down, counting the drawer, "I had to 
run the place myself."
	"Shit, that's wrong," he said angrily, "Why didn't you call me?"
	"You're working tonight, so I didn't want to make you work a 
double."
	"Dude, that wouldn't have been a problem.  I would have helped you 
out anyway," I looked and smiled at him.

	He hopped onto another register and started to close it.  We 
talked about the club last night and everything that happened.  I made 
sure that no one else heard me because I knew there would be a reaction to 
what I know.  The only time I mentioned the guys is in the saferoom.  No 
one else was allowed back there except the managers and supervisors.  I 
talked to him openly about N Sync and he was impressed.  Arc said that I 
was lucky to meet them and that I was friends with them.   Once we were 
finished with the stuff we headed back out to the lobby.  By this time, 
the lobby was pretty quiet because all the customers were inside the 
auditoriums watching the movie.  Then I saw Jerry sitting on one of the 
lobby benches wearing jeans and a shirt.

	I walked up to him, "Well look who finally showed up?"
	He turned to me with surprise, "I....I'm sorry about that," 
looking at the ground.
	"You could have called," crossing my arms, "But instead you didn't 
bother to show up just to spite me, right?"
	He said nothing. "Figures.  Some friends you turned out to be."
	"That's not fair!" he barked.
	"You know what's not fair!" I pointed at him.  Everyone quieted 
down to see what was going to happen next, "Being the outsider and being 
called a liar in front of people who is pretending to be your friend.  
Then decide to leave me here by myself just to get even with me."
	There were whispers all around from the employees and Arc walked 
towards me.  He stopped about halfway between the counter and the bench.  
A few minutes of silence wafted through the air.
	"That was a stupid and childish thing we did," Jerry finally spoke 
up, "When you turned down Hung's apology, all of us were angry at you."
	"Then why did you guys just leave me here?  You know you have an 
obligation to work here," I said finally calming down.
	"I know....But we thought we could get even with you cause you 
dissed us last night."
	"I did not disrespect you.  You did that to me first.  If you 
don't want to speak to me again...so be it.  I would probably just quit 
knowing that I'm not welcomed here."
	"No...don't leave," he pleaded, "You're a good manager, it was 
stupid of us to think that we could get even with you."
	"Revenge is sweet, ain't it?" I commented.
	"No....no it isn't...it just makes you feel miserable," he said 
softly looking at the ground.
	I looked at his sad face, "Well...at least we've got that taken 
care of...what am I going to tell Scott that no one showed up this 
morning?" changing the subject.
	"Don't worry," Jerry replied, "We take full responsibility for 
what we did.  You don't have to do lie for us."
	"Well...if you say so," shrugging my shoulders and placing my hand 
on his shoulder, "If you don't mind, I still have to close a few more 
registers down and then I have a few places to go," I smiled at him.
	He smiled back knowing that I have forgiven him, "Does that mean 
you've forgiven us?"
	"No...just you, not the rest," I said to him as I got up, "You 
apologized to me, they have to do the same.  I will not let you 
apologize for all of them."
	"OK," he sighed, "I'll go see what the guys are up to."

	With that he left the theatre feeling much better than he had 
entered.  Arc asked about it and I told him that it was no big deal.  We 
continued with our work and once in a while, a couple of employees would 
glance in my direction trying to figure out what happened last night.  
This theatre is a real good place for drama.  If it isn't a break-up or 
something, it would be rumors floating around place.
	I finally finished all the paperwork and I looked at the clock.  
It was already 5:35.  I hurried up with the final touches of the 
paperwork.  Arc called me from his radio saying that a limo is here to 
pick me up.  I rushed down to the lobby as fast as I could.  When I got 
there, Arc looked at me funny as well as everyone working there.  I told 
Arc that I'll explain later and headed out the door.  The driver was 
waiting for me and opened the door for me.  I hopped in and limo was off 
to the warehouse.  I was excited to see what it would be like to see a 
music video in progress.  The limo cruised along the freeway and then 
we were suddenly driving next to the piers. 'Figures,' I thought.
	The limo slowed and we were now turning into a parking lot.  There 
were a lot of cars there as well as some trailers.  People were darting 
back and forth in-between vehicles.  Many of them had some sort of 
badge which was hanging from their neck.  I was sort of worried because  
I didn't have one.  The driver parked in front of the warehouse 
entrance.  He stepped out and opened my door.  He told me that they were 
waiting for me inside.  I slowly entered the building and looked around.  
There were lights all around as well as music thumping everywhere.  It was 
looped, so it repeated once the song ended.
	After a few minutes standing in front of the exit, I started to 
make my way around the building looking for them.  I tried not to be in 
the way of everyone by hugging the walls.  I walked around and turned a 
corner.  I saw them sitting on a couch eating pizza.  I was about to 
walk up to them, thinking that they were on break, but I caught sight of 
the camera.  I stopped and let them do their thing.

	"Cut!" the director yelled, "Lance you're done and JC you have one 
more scene, then you can go."
	They both nodded and JC caught sight of me leaning against the 
wall.
	"Took you long enough," he said smiling at me.
	"Major traffic jam," I joked as I walked towards the couch.
	Justin offered me some pizza, "Oh, I'm sorry.  I forgot."
	"That's OK, I'm used to that," I smiled at him, "So this is what 
you guys do in a video."
	"Yeah," Joey said, "But this one is cool.  We get to do all sorts 
of crazy stuff."
	"Like..." I cocked an eyebrow.
	"We get to be sitting up on those rafters singing," Chris said 
pointing to a beam on the ceiling.
	I looked up, "Isn't that kinda high?"
	JC laughed, "You sound like my mom," I smirked. "Let me get this 
last shot done and then we can get out of here."  JC and Chris got up 
and climbed up a ladder to the beams overhead.
	"Sleep well last night?" Justin asked me.
	"Sort of..." looking down.
	"Something's up," Justin said with concern, "Did something happen 
to you today?"
	"Yeah...seems like my 'friends' decided not to go to work today 
and left me in charge of the whole theatre," looking up at him.
	"I'm so sorry," Justin apologized.
	"No don't be," I interrupted, "It's not your fault if they're 
going to act so childish."
	"But I feel really bad.  I don't like you to look all so sad," I 
smiled back at him.
	"Justin!" the director yelled.
	"Coming!" he yelled back, "Look, I'll make sure that tomorrow will 
be a better day for you, OK."
	"Thanks," I said.

	Justin got up and headed to another part of the building with 
Joey.  Lance and I were left sitting on the couch.  He was staring at me 
strangely.  I didn't know why, but there was something there.

	"Have you decided where you're going to take us?" Lance spoke up.
	"Yeah...I have this great place in mind," I beamed back.
	"Where?" he got curious.
	"Do you like musicals?"
	"I was in one you know," he laughed, "I love them."
	"Good.  I was thinking that the three of us would watch Les 
Miserables during its last week here."
	Lance smiled widely, "I've always wanted to see that.  Though I 
don't know if JC is gonna like it."
	"Why not?"
	"He doesn't like to sit down for too long and a musical is pretty 
long by his standard."
	I laughed, "Well, I guess you and I have to make him sit still 
until its over, won't we?"

	He and I laughed at the thought of it.  We chatted for a bit while 
he ate the rest of the pizza.  I was so hungry that I didn't care what 
the beef would do to me and took a slice.  Lance looked at me as if I 
was going shoot my head off or something.  I assured him that I am able 
to eat some meat, but only once a week or so.  He still looked at me 
pretty suspiciously while we conversed, but as soon as he was assured 
that I won't go to the hospital anytime soon, he loosed up.  It was 
about another fifteen minutes until JC came back towards us.

	"You ready?" he asked both of us and we nodded.  "Where are we 
going?"
	Lance and I laughed, "You'll find out," I said.
	"Uh oh," he joked.
	"Don't worry," Lance said, "We'll make sure that you'll stay."
	"Now I know I'm not going to like this," he said sarcastically and 
we laughed out of the building.

	Justin followed us with his eyes as we exited the building.  He 
let out a sigh as he continued with his part of the video on the bed.  
The three of us jabbered all the way to the limo as well as the drive to 
the opera house.   All of us joked and acted all goofy in the limo, but 
we had to make sure that no one looked too messed up or some passerby 
might think something's up.  When the limo arrived at the destination, I 
opened the door and all of us stepped out.

	"Well, here we are."
	JC looked around, "The opera house?"
	"This is cooler that I imagined," Lance commented.

	We walked to the ticket booth, bought our tickets, and were 
ushered in the theatre.  We sat at the exact center of the place.  We 
could see the entire stage without turning our head.  A pretty good 
deal.  There weren't that many people sitting down yet because we were 
30 minutes early.  JC sat on my right and Lance on my left.  We talked 
for a while noticing that more and more people were taking their seats.

	"I don't know if I can sit still," JC joked.
	"Oh you will," eyeing him, "I'll make sure you stay."
	Lance laughed, "You should tape his arms on the seat," I laughed 
at his remark.
	"Which musical is this?" JC asked.
	"Les Miserables."
	"Is it that French Revolution thing?" he asked.
	"No...it's the cats that's running around on the stage," Lance cut 
in with a sarcastic tone.
	"Excuse me for not knowing my musicals."
	"You guys," I stopped them from arguing, "We're here to have a 
good time, just relax."
	"Sorry," they both said in unison.
	"Do you guys fight this much on the road?" I asked JC.
	"Well..." he scratched his head, "....we kinda argue more than 
usual."
	"Yeah.  It's probably the tour being so tough and all," Lance 
contributed.
	"I see," feeling that there is something more than that, "You guys 
should loosen up.  The more you fight, the harder everything becomes," I 
said as a matter of factly.
	"You're probably right," Lance said.
	"Probably?" turning towards him, "I am."  We all laughed.

	By now, the place was packed.  I couldn't see a seat that was 
available.  The house lights dimmed and the spotlight flicked on.  The 
music slowly faded in and then the orchestra resonated.  It was one of 
those musicals that you just had to go to again and again if you saw it 
before.  The story is gripping and the emotions so genuine, the props 
looked very convincing as well as the costumes.  JC kinda fidgeted a 
little bit in the beginning, but he was getting into the musical.  Lance 
was awestruck at the complexity of it all.  I was smiling widely knowing 
that I picked the right venue.  Soon Act I was over and the lights 
slowly got brighter.  There was a 20 minute break until the next act.  
Many people got up and stretched as well as used the restrooms.  The 
three of us sat there talking about the first act.

	"That was so cool," JC beamed with a smile, "It's way better than 
I thought."
	"Same here," Lance added, "This is the first real musical I've 
been to and it's great.  Maybe I should watch more of this stuff."
	"I'm glad that both of you enjoyed it." I smiled at both of them, 
"I wish that the rest of the guys could be here to see this."
	"Yeah, so do I," JC looked deep into my eyes.  I froze on the spot 
and quickly turned away.
	"Wait until you guys see the next act, it's way better than the 
first," I said after regaining my composure.
	"I can't wait," Lance said.

	Everyone was coming back from the little break and sat back down 
in their seats.  Once again, the lights slowly dimmed and the music came 
back on.  This time Lance and JC were watching very intensely, making 
sure that they didn't miss a thing.  Then the solo came on.  Eponine 
slowly walked onto the center of the stage and all the lights dimmed 
except the for the spotlight which was shining on her.

	"And now I'm all alone again...Nowhere to go, no one to turn 
to...I did not want your money, sir...I came out here 'cos I was told 
to...And now the night is near. Now I can make believe he's here," 
Eponine spoke with her gentle voice, "Sometimes I walk alone at night 
when everybody else is sleeping...I think of him and then I'm happy with 
the company I'm keeping...The city goes to bed...And I can live inside 
my head."
	The music changed to a lullaby and she slowly sang, "On my 
own...Pretending he's beside me...All alone I walk with him till 
morning...Without him...I feel his arms around me...And when I lose my 
way I close my eyes...And he has found me!...."
	"In the rain the pavement shines like silver...All the lights are 
misty in the river...In the darkness the trees are full of 
starlight...And all I see is him and me for ever and forever..."

	I glanced towards JC and he was mesmerized by the sight.  His eyes 
were as wide as a child.  I giggled to myself.  On the other hand, Lance 
was quite a surprise.  I glanced toward him and saw him just sitting 
there.  I could see small silver reflections from the corner of his eye.  
After focusing on it more, I was shocked that he had tears in his eye.  
He was trying to prevent it from rolling down on his cheek.  I quickly 
resumed watching the play.

	Eponine echoed, "And I know it's only in my mind...That I'm 
talking to myself and not to him...And, although I know that he is 
blind...Still I say there's a way for us..."
	"I love him...But when the night is over...He is gone, the river's 
just a river...Without him the world around me changes...The trees are 
bare, and everywhere the streets are full of strangers..."

	Then something happened which scared the shit out of me.  I was 
resting my hand on the armrest because I was sort of tired.  Then JC put 
his hand on my hand.  Inside, I jumped through the ceiling.  I couldn't 
tell him to get his hand off mine, because that would be too rude.  And 
besides, he's probably feeling really emotional right now and needs 
support.  But the thing is, Lance did the same thing.  Great...I'm stuck 
in the middle of two guys with their hands on mine.  
	Soon I calmed down and realized that this is no big deal.  I mean, 
both of them are really cute, but I can't say that in front of their 
face.  JC has a girlfriend and Lance stalks out chicks.  I don't dare 
ruin our friendship because of a little crush that I have for them.  I 
felt pretty secure with them holding my hand.  It felt that I'm actually 
loved.  Oh well, wishful thinking.  I resumed watching the last of 
Eponine's lines.

	"I love him...But everyday I'm learning...All my life I've only 
been pretending...Without me his world will go on turning...The world is 
full of happiness that I have never known...I love him, I love him, I 
love him...but only on my own..." as she concluded her song.

	It was one of those songs that touched my heart.  I knew exactly 
how Eponine felt.  I learned long ago to accept my fate and just keep 
going, even if I'll be alone for the rest of my life.  When the song was 
over, the other characters went on stage and did their parts.  I moved 
my hands from the armrest and JC and Lance quickly removed theirs.  Now, 
I'm sure that there is something more than meets the eye with the 
guys...well at least with JC and Lance.  'Is there more than friendship 
between these guys?' I thought to myself.  If there was, I'm pretty 
scared at what's going to happen when they leave again.
	The play ended and the house lights came back on.  Lots of 
applauses from the audience when the cast members came out to take their 
bows.  The three of us joined everyone and clapped as loud as we could.  
Soon the clapping slowly dissipated and everyone slowly headed towards 
the exit.  We were almost the last one to leave.  JC said that it would 
be a mess if we left along with the crowd.  Lance agreed cause they've 
been in this situation before.
	Once we were outside of the opera house, I hailed a cab.  I 
dropped them off at the hotel.  They told me to meet them here in the 
morning at around 10.  I agreed and I was off to my house.  Lance and JC 
silently took the elevators back up to their rooms.  They did not see 
any of the guys and figured that they are either sleeping or somewhere 
out in the city.  They said their good nights to each other and entered 
their rooms.
	JC took off his clothes and put on something to sleep in.  He 
crawled into bed, put his hands behind his head, and stared at the 
ceiling.  He just kept replaying what he saw during the play.  "Do I 
love him?" he said to himself, "I can't love him....can I?"  The thought 
kept replaying in his mind over and over until he fell asleep.
	Lance changed into something more comfortable and walked towards 
the window.  He could see the Bay Bridge and all of the lights that 
outlined it.  He could also see the lights coming from Oakland as well.  
"On my own..." Lance slowly and softly sang, "Pretending he's beside 
me..."  A small tear rolled down his cheek.  "I can't be in love with 
him....I just can't!" almost crying.  After a few minutes, he collected 
himself and slipped into bed.  He fell asleep thinking of everything....



Chapter 10: Intentions


	Morning was finally here and I was psyched.  I was so hyper that I 
woke up really early.  Imagine, I was finally going to spend time with 
the guys.  I haven't been so excited since I met them at Orlando.  I did 
my usual thing of taking a shower, eating breakfast and all that other 
stuff.  I wore my most casual jeans and threw on a shirt.  It was going 
to be one of those days that the weather is going to be perfect.  It was 
only 8 and I was impatiently pacing about the house trying to kill time.  
I didn't want to go to the hotel too early, they might think I'm 
psychotic or something.


	It was 8 o'clock in the morning and everyone was half awake.  JC 
called up everyone to wake up and that breakfast would be in his room.  
Everyone trudged through the hallways still very sleepy.  Breakfast was 
already in his room and JC didn't wait for them to come in.

	"Thanks for waiting," Joey said chipperly entering first.
	"I got really hungry and you guys took so long," he replied with a 
forkful of food.
	Chris came in and then Justin.  All of them took a plate and piled 
on some food.  All of them started to chow down.  Justin noticed 
something was missing.  He looked around and noticed that Lance wasn't 
there.
	"Where's Lance?" he inquired.
	Everyone looked around and noticed that Lance was indeed missing.
	"I don't know," JC replied, "I haven't seen him all morning."
	"We should check to see if he left a message with the front desk," 
Chris said with concern.
	"I'll do it," Joey volunteered.  He picked up the phone and asked 
the receptionist if Lance left a message.  After he got the information, 
he put the phone back down and relayed the message.  "The receptionist 
said that Lance went out for a walk and he'll be back by 9:30"
	"That is so strange," Justin commented, "He has never been on a 
walk before."
	"Maybe something's bothering him," Chris added.
	"Maybe..." JC trailed off and Justin glanced at him and knew 
something is up.


	Lance walked along the quiet pier looking over the water.  It was 
still early and no one was really around.  Only the occasional jogger or 
biker would pass him by.  He smelled the salty air as the cold winds 
blew into the city.  Lance kept on walking, passing pier after pier.  He 
passed Pier 39 and continued.  He would look up once in a while to 
admire the buildings, but that really didn't help much.
	'What is this feeling that I have?' he thought to himself, 'I'm 
not supposed to have these kinds of feelings.'
	After walking for what seemed like all morning to him, he noticed 
a church a few blocks away.  He changed direction and headed towards the 
tall, stone spires of the church.  He slowly opened the large wooden 
doors and peered in.  No one was inside.  Only the softly lit candles 
which flickered in the center of the room were there.  Lance slowly 
walked through the middle of the isle, looking all around.  He 
noticed the stain glass windows which were not yet lit from the sun.  He 
scanned around and found what he was looking for.  Lance took a deep 
breath, slowly reached the handle and turned.  He opened the door which 
was in a corner of the main room and slowly stepped in.  He closed the 
door and made the sign of the cross.

	"Forgive me Father for I sinned," he lowly said through the black 
mesh.
	"What is it my child?" the priest asked on the other side.
	"I...I don't know how to say it," Lance's voice began to crack.
	"Be calm my son.  Tell me what is troubling you," the priest 
trying to comfort Lance.
	"I....I'm falling in love," he slowly said.
	The priest was puzzled by his confession, "I don't understand my 
child.  Why do you say that you have sinned?"
	There was a little bit of silence, "I....I'm falling in love 
with.....with another man," Lance broke down.
	Though shocked, the priest had heard this before, "Why is that a 
sin my son?"
	"You...you don't understand.  I've been taught that it's wrong and 
a sin to be in love with another man," Lance kept crying.
	The priest thought for a moment, "Is it a sin to love someone?" he 
calmly said.	
	Lance stopped crying for a minute, "No."
	"Then why is it a sin to love someone even if its of the same sex?  
You love your father, or a brother, or even your friends?"
	"Bu...but this is different than that."
	"How so?  Our Lord Savior loved all of us.  It was not wrong."
	"I'm so confused....Why did I have to be gay?"
	"He works in mysterious ways.  I don't know the answer."
	Lance began to sob, "I don't want to be....I want to be normal."
	"Do not fret.  This is just a test."
	"A test?"
	"Yes a test.  A test to see if you can endure the harshness of the 
world.  If you can overcome your obstacles...if you can accept yourself, 
then you can endure anything."
	Lance slowly stopped crying, "Do..do you think so?"
	"Do not worry.  The Lord will always be with you in your heart.  
Just believe that everything will be for the better."
	Lance thought about what the priest had said, "Thank you 
father...."

	He slowly opened the door of the booth and quietly walked out of 
the church.  During the walk back to the hotel, he thought about a lot 
of things.  Back in Mississippi, it was completely wrong to be gay, but 
here...its OK.  He didn't understand why.
  
	'What am I going to do?' he thought, 'I don't know what to think.  
I don't know what to believe anymore.'
	He was still confused about the whole thing.  Lance stopped at a 
pier overlooking Oakland.  
	'Why does it have to happen to me?  Will I ever be happy?'
	
	He closed his eyes and he could feel a warm embrace around him and 
the gentle wind against his face.  Finally, he opened his eyes and 
decided that he will see what becomes of the relationship.  If it did 
not work out, then he would stop chasing and act "normal."


	It was almost 9:30 when I decided to hail a cab.  I did not want 
to use my car.  I hate driving in the city.  Not only I can't get any 
parking, but the streets were always congested.  It didn't take long for 
me to reach the hotel.  I walked in the lobby and looked around.  I 
didn't see anyone so I just sat on one of the chairs in the lobby.  I 
looked at the wall clock and it read 9:50. 'Gee, are they exactly on 
time?' I thought to myself.  Just then I saw Lance walking through the 
lobby.

	"Hey Lance!" I waved at him.  He looked preoccupied with 
something.
	"Hi Mano," giving me that wicked smile, "What's up?" he walked 
over to where I sitting and sat down next to me.
	"Nothing much...and you."
	"Same, same.  Have you been waiting long?" changing the subject.
	"Nope, I just got here.  Where's the other guys?"
	"Umm...uhh...I don't know.  I was taking a walk."
	"OK.  We'll just wait for them here then," shrugging my shoulders, 
"Do you know what were going to do?"
	"Justin was talking about playing basketball while we were in the 
warehouse."
	"Figures," I joked, "He always did want to impress me."  We 
laughed.
	It was 10 and the elevator doors chimed open.  The guys stepped 
out and Justin was holding the ball.
	"Hi guys," Joey said happily, "Ready to go."
	"You bet," I replied and started to talk to Joey.
	Justin leaned over Lance and whispered in his ear, "Are you 
feeling OK?"
	"Yeah I'm fine," he whispered back, "I just needed some time 
alone."
	"I understand."
	Lance and I got up and all of us started to walk toward the rental 
van.  Once outside, Justin started to dribble the ball.
	"You just couldn't wait, could you?" I smirked.
	Everyone laughed, "I needed to warm up," Justin defended himself.

	We entered the van and left to one of the courts.  I chatted with 
everyone, but somehow manage to chat with either Lance or JC the 
longest.  This was getting really suspicious by now.  I didn't want to 
blurt it out in front of everyone.  I have to wait until I could get 
them alone.  I also noticed that as Justin was driving, he would look 
into the rear view mirror frequently.  He wasn't exactly looking behind 
the van, but it felt like more towards JC's direction or maybe mine's.  
I wasn't so sure.  I let it go as well.
	We finally reached the court.  There was no one around and we 
picked the one farthest from the street so that no one would recognize 
the guys.  The teams went like this: JC, Chris and Joey were on one 
while Justin, Lance and I were in another.  The game started and we were 
having fun.  I was never the dribbler type.  I would always screw up 
somewhere along the line.  The only redeeming factor I had in basketball 
was that I was a sharpshooter.  I could sink a three anywhere.  Justin 
picked this up right away and passed me the ball every time I was open.
	All of us laughed and talked while playing.  About thirty minutes 
or so of playing, the tactics sort of changed.  Though I'm not sure if 
it was intentional or not.  Now, JC was guarding me more than usual.  
Every time I had the ball, he would be right next to me trying to swat 
it away.  I was not oblivious to this.  JC took his time getting the 
ball from me and I knew it.  I got fed up and would pass it to Justin to 
get him off my back.  If JC ever had the ball, Lance would be trying to 
swat the ball from him.  I just had to laugh at the two.
	About an hour had passed and we were all getting tired.  Justin 
said we should take a break and everyone agreed.  The ball was lying 
next to the fence and I decided to go get it.  I picked it up and  
headed towards the bench where the guys were sitting.  I was bouncing 
the ball and was caught off guard.  JC had snuck up from behind and 
jumped on my back.  The ball bounced away as I fell and rolled on the 
ground.  I wasn't prepared and JC was really heavy.  We rolled a little. 
My right wrist was under my back and I could feel a sharp pain.  The 
rest of the guys were laughing as well as JC.

	"Why'd you do that for?" I asked at a laughing JC.
	He was on top of me sitting on my chest, "I just wanted to see 
your reaction," still laughing.
	"Well...could you get off me?" I asked softly.
	"Why would I want to do that?" smiling down at me.
	I didn't answer right away, "Because....you're hurting me," I 
softly spoke as a small tear rolled down the corner of my eye.

	JC saw the tear and immediately jumped off my chest.  The guys 
stopped laughing and looked in my direction with concern.  Justin 
immediately jumped off the bench.  JC and Justin helped me sit up as
I pulled my right arm from behind me.  I put my left hand over the
sore wrist.

	"I'm soooo sorry Mano," JC said sounding if he was going to cry, 
"I didn't mean to."
	"I know," I replied holding back the pain, "It's just an 
accident."
	"I'll go get some ice," Justin said as he bolted out of the area.
	JC helped me up onto the bench and I sat down.  JC just slouched 
looking at the ground.  I hated the way he looked.
	"Cheer up," I assured him, "It's probably just sprained."
	"Just sprained?" he looked at me funny, "I could've broken your 
wrist!" blaming himself.
	"Stop blaming yourself," I angrily said at him, "It's not your 
fault.  You played a joke and it was a good laugh, but no one expected 
that I would roll onto my wrist.  So quit sulking and cheer up."
	He jumped back a little from the tone of my voice, but knew I was 
right, "I guess it was pretty funny, huh?"
	"Yeah it was," I started laughing and everyone slowly joined in.

	As all of us talked, Justin ran to the little store around the
corner and bought an ice pack as well as a flexible wrap.  He ran equally
as fast back to the bench I was sitting on.  Justin slowly and delicately
wrapped the brown cloth over my wrist and fastened it with the metal clip
which came with it.  He then put the ice pack on the injury.

	"That's cold," I said as he placed it on my wrist.
	"It is an ice pack," he commented.
	Once he wrapped the ice pack over my wrist, I took over, "You're 
pretty good with injuries."
	"Nah, I just watch a lot of TV," he laughed, "I'm not as good as 
you, though."
	"Lance told you right."
	"Yup...I did" Lance said, "I also praised on your medical 
expertise."
	"Exaggerations and lies," I joked and everyone laughed.

	We continued to talk about dating and stuff like that.  Justin 
would once in a while give JC a disapproving look.  I didn't know what 
was going and I hope they can resolve this soon.  After about half an 
hour of rest, Joey decided that we should go eat.  Everyone agreed and 
we left the court.  JC wanted to go to Hard Rock.  Everybody laughed, 
but I didn't get the joke.  I shrugged my shoulders and agreed to go 
with them.
	We were quickly seated and picked out some food from the menu.  
They worked up an appetite because they ordered pretty heavy meals.  I 
just got some garden salad.  I continued with the conversation with the 
guys about dating and stuff.  It looked like they were dancing around 
the subject.  I changed it to something less uncomfortable.  A few 
minutes into the conversation about their tour, the food finally came.
	The guys dug in like there was no tomorrow.  Everyone looked at me 
funny as I tried to eat my salad.  Since, my right wrist was pretty sore 
from the injury, I had to use my left hand.  I fumbled around with the 
fork trying to get some greens attached to it, but it kept getting away.

	"Need help?" JC asked.
	I was embarrassed at the thought of needing someone's help to eat 
a salad, "Yeah...I guess I do."
	"You know, you could have just asked for help.  No need to 
suffer," I snickered at his comment.

	JC gently took my left hand with his right and guided it to one 
of the lettuce leaf.  His movements were so precise, so elegant that I
felt that there was something going on.  JC made contact with the leaf and 
slowly released his hold.  I wanted him to hold onto my hand for a 
little longer.  I don't know why, I just needed him to hold me.  I continued 
to eat what was stuck on my fork.  Once I was finished with the leaf, JC 
would do the exact same thing.  He would either guide me to a leaf, a 
crouton or maybe some veggies.  I had the impression that Lance and 
Justin were both curious of the sight.  I didn't know why, but they kept 
giving me or JC quick glances.  Justin tried to help me get my drink.  
He leaned over to get my drink, but accidentally bumped into my wrist.  
I cringed in pain.  Justin felt really sorry about bumping into me, but 
I assured him that is was an accident.
	Time passed by rather quickly, faster that we had expected.  No 
one wanted to go back on tour.  They guys were so relaxed, but I had to 
break the bad news to them and they reluctantly agreed.  Justin parked 
the van across the street in a garage.  The streets weren't crowded.  
Only the occasional car passing by.  Justin noticed that his shoe laces 
were untied.

	"I'll meet you on the other side," Justin yelled as he bent on one 
knee to tie the laces.
	"OK," Joey replied still walking across the street.

	We were on the other side of the street, when Justin finished 
lacing his shoes.  I turned around and waited for him to cross.  He was 
about half-way across the street when I heard a police siren blazing 
about a block away.  It was chasing a white Nissan through the streets 
at high speed.  I was totally frozen on the spot.  The car was not going 
to stop at the light and it was going to hit Justin.  I freaked out.

	"JUSTIN!" I yelled out to him and started charging towards him, 
"LOOK OUT!"

	Justin saw the car heading at him, but he was scared stiff.  The 
guys turned around horrified.  I jumped at Justin and did a flying 
tackle at him.  Everything was in slow motion.  I remember hitting 
Justin's chest with my forearm and hearing a crack from my wrist.  Once 
I made contact with him, I quickly put my left hand behind Justin's 
head.  Both of us went rolling back across the street.   The car sped 
right through where Justin would have been standing.

	"Are you OK?" I asked looking down at him.
	All I could see was his face of astonishment and shock at what just 
happened, "Y...yeah.  I'm fine."
	"Next time, look both ways before you cross the street," I tried 
to make a joke, but cringed in pain and clutched my wrist.
	Both of us sat up and I heard the police car park near us, 
"You're...you're hurt?" Justin asked me with concern.
	"I've felt better," I tried to lighten up the mood.
	"You're hand is burned," he looked at it.
	"I've been burned before.  No big deal."

	As I clutched my wrist, I noticed that my left hand was slowly 
oozing blood.  It had been burned when we were rolling on the ground.  
The police woman came over and talked to us for a few minutes.  Justin 
explained what happened to me to her.  Then an ambulance came hollering 
by.  I was put on a stretcher while Justin was being checked up by the 
paramedic.  He was released and went back with the rest of the guys.  
I could tell that he wanted to go with me, but I insisted that he and 
the rest of the guys leave before they were going to be late for their 
next appointment.  I threatened that I would never speak to him or the 
guys if anyone came with me.  Justin and the guys reluctantly agreed to 
go.
	That was the last time I saw them.  I had forgotten to get their 
number, again, so I couldn't tell them that I would be all right.  I 
rode in the ambulance for a short while and the doctors took some x-rays 
of my wrist.  Much to my surprise, the wrist wasn't broken.  The doctor 
said that it was hyper-extended.  They put my wrist in a very stiff 
brace so it wouldn't move.  It would heal in a couple of weeks.  That 
would be plenty of time before the prom.  They also sprayed some 
antiseptic on the burn on the back of my left hand.  It stung a little, 
but it soon faded away.  Then, the doctor wrapped a sterile bandage over 
the wound and told me to take it off in two days.  I was relieved that 
the burn wasn't too bad.  It was only a first degree burn.
	Once everything was squared away, I exited the hospital and hailed 
a cab to get back home.  I was saddened that I couldn't say good-bye to 
the guys.  As I suspected, anytime something goes right with my life, 
some shit would be thrown in my face.  It was as if heaven was against 
me.  I slowly went into the house and started to watch TV.  Nothing was 
on and MTV was pretty boring.  I sat in the empty house again.  I was 
replaying that moment over and over in my head.  'Stupid driver,' I 
thought.
	I went to the fridge to get a can of Sprite.  At least I could 
open it by myself and started guzzling the drink.  I couldn't do 
homework...well I can write with either hand, but I never perfected 
writing with my left.  I am ambidextrous, but I decided to write with my 
right hand so I be like everyone else.  I paced around the house trying 
to find something to do.  I wasn't sleepy yet and it was only 6.  I went 
into my room and surfed the internet a little.  I heard a knocking from 
the front door. 'Who could that be,' I thought.  I left my computer and 
opened the door.  I was puzzled at who was standing there.

	"Flower delivery," some guy in a white shirt and black pants said, 
"Is there a Mano in?"
	I still looked puzzled, "Yes.  That's me."
	"These are for you," he handed me a bouquet of roses.
	"Huh?" I asked stupidly.
	"Oh, I see.  It must be from a secret admirer," the guy hinted.
	"Well....I guess.," scratching my head, "Thank you for the 
delivery," I gave him a twenty as a tip.

	I closed the front door and examined the roses.  I first looked 
for any type of card or something like that attached to it, but no luck.  
The roses were quite beautiful.  There were six white roses and six red 
roses all arranged in a staggered pattern with some baby's breath all 
around.  The flowers were tied together in the middle with a bright blue 
ribbon.  I smelled the scent of the roses.  They were so sweet.  As I 
admired the bouquet, JC's face formed in the middle. 'JC?' I asked 
myself, 'It couldn't be.'
	I put the flowers in a vase and put it in my room.  I placed the 
vase on top of my desk so I can see it from anywhere in the room.  I lay 
on the bed still looking at the flowers.  I probably stared at it for 
far too long.  My eyes were very heavy and I fell fast asleep.
	That night I dreamt of the guys and what we did that day.  It was 
a jumble of events which flooded my dreams.  Somehow...somehow all the 
images were focusing on JC.  I can clearly see him holding my hand 
during the play as well as during lunch.  My dream started to get a 
little bit weird.  During the lunch event, he placed his hand on mine 
and turned my head to face me.  Our eyes locked and I could see the 
warmth emanating from his clear blue eyes.  He slowly leaned towards me 
and pressed, ever so gently, his lips upon mine.
	I suddenly woke up.  'What was that?' I thought to myself, 'Could 
it be?'  I looked at the clock and it was already 6 in the morning.  I 
decided to get to school early so I can get some fresh air.  After I 
finished my routine morning schedule, I walked to school.  It was a slow 
walk.  I needed some time to work things out.
	All day I was preoccupied with my feelings.  I couldn't understand 
what I was feeling, let alone try to make sense out of them.  'Could I 
possibly be falling in love with JC?'  That was the question I heard 
over and over in my mind.  I know I couldn't nor was it possible.  I 
mean, he's pretty much as straight as an arrow and he's also my friend.  
Not to mention and he goes to different places everyday and I have to be 
stuck here.  I have nothing to give him even if he did feel the same way 
about me.  He could get anyone he wanted.  That thought made me really 
depressed.
	By the time I knew it, it was already lunch.  I sat in the usual 
spot in my English class still thinking of everything.

	"Hey Mano," Leah said breaking my concentration.
	"Hi.  What's up?"
	"Nothing much," looking through her bag, "Did you finish the 
assignment for English.
	I smacked my palm up to my forehead, "Damn, I forgot."
	"Well, it's due today," saying matter of factly.
	"I know," I looked at the clock, "I have 15 minutes to make one 
up."
	"OK...I guess," she walked off and started talking to some people.
	'Great,' I thought, 'I completely forgot.'

	I quickly took out my notebook and a pencil.  It was going to be a 
pretty bad penmanship, but I couldn't write properly with the brace in 
place.  I quickly tapped the pencil on the desk making a rhythmical 
beat. I finally thought of something and started jotting down the poem.

	Just when you think that you are alone in the world
	Out there across the vastness of the land
	Someone is there waiting...waiting to
	Help you out anyway they can...
	Under your thick and impenetrable shell
	All of the problems you face, you bottle it up inside

	Cause you don't want to face the truth..the feeling of
	Hopelessness, loneliness, sadness that is in your heart...
	Anywhere you go, everywhere you look, you
	See the pain, hear the pain and feel the pain...
	Eventually you must stop running and believe that a 
	Zephyr will show you the way...

	I looked at the poem I quickly jotted down and tears started to 
well up inside.  I quickly wiped them away so that no one noticed.  It 
was hard for me to accept being gay.  Everyone in the school were 
against gay people...and now I'm falling for a guy who I can't have...I 
hate my life.
	It was a pretty crappy poem, but I had to turn it in anyway.  My 
life just got a turn for the worst.  Nothing I could do during school 
would make the image of JC disappear.  I can't make him love me, nor 
could I tell him.  I would have to keep this secret until the day I 
died.  School was finally over and I slowly walked home.  It was a 
bright, sunny day, but as I got closer and closer to my house, the light 
slowly faded away as dull grey clouds blocked the sun.



** I have to apologize for putting the church scene.  I know that I have 
** offened people by doing so and I am very sorry.  I needed to put that in 
** to make things clearer...or more mysterious.  You just have to find out.

** As usual, comments, rants, raves, questions, suggestions, and other 
** things like that are always welcome.    zeo@sfsu.edu