Date: Sun, 21 Mar 1999 13:20:54 -0800
From: Zeo <zeo@sfsu.edu>
Subject: N Sync Love pt6

** The further along I go with the story, it seems that the writing is
** degrading.  Sorry about that.  It's just so hard to keep pace with
** the other segments.  I want it to be of the same quality, but I just
** can't seem to pull it off.  I guess....

** Oh, if there things that are unclear to you in previous chapters
** feel free to mail me to see if I clear things up for you...though
** I can't tell you much because it'll ruin the plot.

** One final thing before I shut up now.  It has been brought to my
** attention that the beach in Florida is not minutes away from Orlando. 
** This was a minor oversight and I apologize to the natives that I kinda
** ticked off.  This next segment is in my home town and I will not make
** the same mistake.  I needed the beach for a dramatic effect, I should
** have used a bridge or something, but it wouldn't make much sense.  Bye 
** for now...



Chapter 11:  Justification


	I finally reached home and threw my backpack on the floor.  I was 
really tired and I didn't know why.  Lucky for me, Mondays are my days 
off.  I sat down on the couch and turned on the TV.  I just blankly 
stared at the tube.  There was something on, but I didn't know what.  I 
just couldn't focus on anything.  As I entered a daydream, the phone 
rang.

	I walked over and picked it up, "Hello?"
	"Hello, may I speak to Mano please," echoed an unfamiliar male 
voice.
	"Speaking."
	"Oh, hi Mano, this is Scott," snapping up to attention.
	"Hi Scott," surprised that he would call, "What's up?"
	"Nothing much," he replied, "There's a manager meeting today at 
the theatre.  There are some things which I have to talk to everyone 
about."
	I knew where this is headed, "OK, no problem.  When will it be?"
	"I was hoping that everyone could be here by 5."
	Glancing at the clock, "I'll be a little late, but I can make it."
	"Sounds great.  See you in a bit," he then hung up the phone.

	I put back the phone on the receiver and thought that everyone is 
going to get it from him.  If not fired, they would probably be demoted 
or something.  I stood over the phone for a while thinking of what to do 
and say at the meeting.  There are so many things going on, it is 
sometimes almost impossible to handle them.  I took a deep breath and 
headed outside.  I hopped in my car and drove off to work.
	The drive to the theatre was pretty nice.  The sun was blocked by 
the clouds and the sky cast a grey light all around.  Not many people 
were out driving on this Monday afternoon.  In no time, I had arrived at 
the theatre.  I parked the car and went inside.  All of the employees 
looked at me curiously.  They knew that all of the managers were here 
and word had spread about the incident on Saturday.  How was I going to 
pull this one off?
	I walked up the stairs and into Scott's office.  Everyone was 
there; Jerry, Jamila, Arc, Hung, Ellen, and Myra.  The guys looked 
fidgety and Arc looked pretty angry.  They saw me walk in and quickly 
put their heads down looking at the carpet.  Arc gave me a nod.  Scott 
quickly noticed the brace on my wrist.

	"What happened to you?" he asked.
	"Just an accident," I replied calmly, "It won't affect my work," 
he nodded back.
	"OK," Scott started with a semi-authoritan voice, "Let's get 
straight to the point."
	Everyone sat still, still looking at the ground.
	"I was going over Saturday's reports and saw some unusual things," 
he said while flipping the reports, "It looks like Mano did all of the 
paperwork."
	I was about to speak, but Scott continued, "There is also a rumor 
floating around that the only person who showed up was Mano," Scott 
looked at the guys, "Explain yourselves."
	They were all paralyzed with fear.  They didn't know what to say.
	"It was a pretty hectic day," I blurted out and everyone looked at 
me shocked.
	"What do you mean?" Scott eyeing me.
	"We had a late start.  Jerry was upstairs most of the time 
threading the projectors and making sure that everything was OK," I said 
coolly, trying to make Scott believe me, "There were a ton of angry 
customers who bitched and complained for no apparent reason.  I asked 
Jerry to help me out because he is better at customer service and I am."
	Scott sort of bought it, but not quite, "That still doesn't 
explain why you filled out all of the papers."
	"We were going to close out the registers, but the auditoriums 
were all messed up.  Jerry, Jamila, and Hung went in to clean them up 
while I closed down the registers,"  I was surprised that I can be a 
good liar, "Lucky for me Arc came by and helped me out," I looked at him 
and he nodded in agreement.  I didn't want to do that to him, but I was 
telling the truth...sort of.
	"I see..." looking at me rather suspiciously, "What's with the 
rumors that you were by yourself?"
	"That's what they are," I said a matter of factly, "Just rumors."

	Satisfied with my answers, he continued on with the meeting.  It 
was your typical meeting which consisted of profit and loss reports, 
attendance, employee discipline, and other mundane topics.  Scott tried 
to liven things up with a joke or two, but Arc or I would shoot him 
down.  He got annoyed that he couldn't get anyone to laugh, but that 
didn't stop him from trying.  The meeting lasted for 2 hours.  I kept 
staring at the fishtank so I can stop myself from falling asleep 
outright.  Soon enough the meeting was over and everyone headed out.  I 
was the last one to leave.

	"Hey Mano," Scott asked and I turned around, "Could you close the 
door?" I complied.
	"What did happen on Saturday?" he asked me, "You don't have to 
cover for them."
	I was a little shocked that he knew I was lying, but I held my 
ground, "You already know what happened that day, I told you 
everything."
	"Are you sure?" he kept bugging me.
	"Go ask Arc.  He was there," I started to get defensive.
	"Calm down, I believe you," he softly said, "Though I still don't 
understand why everyone keeps saying that you had a fight with the rest 
of management."
	I cracked a small smile.  Scott looked at me curiously.  I turned 
around and opened the door, "Sometimes...you have to sacrifice a little 
bit of yourself to make things right," I said as I walked out.

	I walked past the humming of the projectors and went downstairs to 
the lobby.  When I reached the lobby, everyone was waiting for me.  They 
looked at me unusually.

	"Why'd you do it?" Hung asked.
	"Do what?"
	"You know what he means," Ellen interjected, "Why did you cover 
for us?"
	"Why not?" as I shrugged my shoulders.
	They were dumbfounded by my answer.  They didn't know what to make 
of it.
	"If I were you," Arc spoke up, "I would have told Scott 
everything."
	I looked at Arc and smiled, "But I'm not you.  That's what makes 
us different."
	He shook his head, "Yeah, I know. I know."
	"You are probably the only person who knows me that well," I 
laughed and he smiled.
	"You forgive us?" Jamila asked meekly.
	I looked at them for a second or two, "Yeah...I guess I do.  I 
made a promise to myself long ago not to be mad at anyone for very long.  
I'm afraid I won't wake up the next morning."
	"We should have given you a chance," Ellen said.
	I laughed, "That's what Lance said."
	Again, they gave me a puzzling look, "Oh, Jerry.  I have something 
for you," I said as I reached into my pocket.
	"Here,"  I handed him a folded napkin.  He smiled ecstatically.
	"You got their autographs!" he yelled.
	"No," I joked, "Those are fakes."
	Everyone gathered around Jerry and looked at the signed napkin.  
It read: "To a special person.  With love N'Sync."  with all of the 
guys' name signed in various places.
	"This is so cool," Jerry gave me a hug, "My niece will go nuts."
	"Hope you like it," I started to head for the exit.
	"Wait, Mano," Hung said and I turned around, "What happened to 
your wrist?"
	"This," lifting it up at them, "It's just a basketball injury."
	"Basketball?" Jerry asked, "I thought you didn't like to play."
	"I don't,  but the guys dragged me anyway," I smiled and exited 
the building.
	"He really is good friends with them," Myra said astonished.
	"There's a lot of things you guys don't know about him," Arc said 
and he resumed his routine work.

	Everyone just looked at each other.  They never met anyone as 
unusual as I was.  They chatted for a while and soon departed.  I slowly 
drove back home.  It was a normal drive back.  Nothing really major 
happening.  I still don't know why I covered up for them.  I guess it 
was because of their faces which made me do it.  I hated the way people 
look when they are sad.  I guess it's my human nature...I guess.
	Time passed and I was confined to do my routine things.  One 
Saturday morning I took the bus and walked around the city.   I stopped 
at every hotel on my adventure.  This was the day I had to pick the 
place.  Everyone has been bugging me about this for weeks on end and I 
had to make them stop.  Hotel after hotel I visited and they were all 
the same.
	There was one big room, but no smaller rooms for setting up 
pictures and stuff.  Many of them had a large chandelier in the center 
of the room, but the rest of the room was pretty ordinary.  I also took 
into consideration the food that they were serving.  Many of them only 
could serve one type of dish.  That really sucked.  I kept on going 
through the entire day, but to no avail.  
	I finally decided on a hotel.  It was a quaint medium sized one.  
Their ballroom was very cool.  There was a golden chandelier hanging in 
the center like all of the others.  This ballroom had all four walls 
covered in mirrors.  This made it look like the room was bigger than it 
actually was.  The management also said that they could serve more than 
one type of dish if they knew how many to make ahead of time.  I was 
very pleased with that.  As a bonus, they would throw in 4 extra little 
conference rooms for us to use for whatever reasons.  It was settled, I 
picked the hotel.  I made a school check for $25,000 to rent out the 
place.  To me that was a lot for a room, but considering that the 
tickets were $50 dollars a pop, I had no fear about not being able to 
pay it off.
	Everything was set and all I needed was for the decorations and 
such.  I talked to the drama teacher if she could spare any creative 
talent for the prop designs.  I made a deal with her that she could use 
the props once I was done with them.  The group got to work.  I showed 
them the rough sketches of the theme.  There would be clouds all over 
the place.  The entrance was to look like a Roman archway.  Inside the 
ballroom, there would be scenes of a castle in the clouds and such.
	When I finished coordinating the prop designs, which was hard work 
because everyone wanted to change the concept to make themselves happy, 
but I held my ground, I went to get the floral arrangements.  I had 
someone with me to pick out the flowers.  There were different types of 
center-pieces to choose from.  So I chose one of each. Fifty tables and 
fifty different center-pieces.  Though I had a hard time getting the 
bouquet, I asked Ulysses to pick it up for me.  I sort of begged him to 
get it.  I still couldn't deal with it yet.  It was a pretty hectic April 
for me...



	In the bus, Lance was in the "kitchen" area reading some schedule 
changes that management handed to them.  JC and Chris were in the lounge 
playing GoldenEye while Justin and Joey were in their bunks relaxing for 
a bit.

	"Ha!  Got you again!" JC shouted.
	"You got lucky," Chris replied acting pissed, "I'll get you next 
game."
	"Bring it on," JC smiled.
	Chris won the game and they concluded their session.  JC looked at 
his watch.
	"How long are we going to be on this bus?" he asked.
	"Who knows?" Chris shrugging his shoulders.
	"It's been 4 hours, I hate being in here for this long," JC 
complained, "I'll go check to see what Lance is up to."
	"OK," Chris replied, "I'll take some rest."

	Chris headed for his bunk while JC walked to where Lance was.  He 
had a hard time getting there because the bus kept rocking back and 
forth.  The rocking was stronger than a boat's and he kept losing his 
balance.  Always needed to grab the walls or the doorway to support 
himself.

	JC finally got to where Lance was sitting and sat next to him, 
"What's up Scoop?"
	Lance was startled by JC's sudden appearance, but played it off 
pretty well, "Nothing much.  Just new instructions for our next stop."
	"Can I see?"
	"Sure," Lance handed him some papers and looked up into JC's eyes.  
His face flushed a little.
	JC noticed this, "Lance?  Are you OK?"
	Lance snapped into reality and quickly looked down at the rest of 
the papers, "Yeah, I'm fine."
	JC shrugged and began to look through the memos.  As he looked 
through the papers, he could feel the area begin to warm up.
	"Is it just me or is it getting hotter in here?" JC asked Lance 
still looking at the papers.	
	It took a while for Lance to answer, "I guess the driver has the 
heater on."
	"I guess so."
	JC was reading the memo and Lance was staring blankly at his 
sheets.  An uncomfortable silence floated in the air.  Justin got off 
his bunk and stepped in the room.
	"What's up guys," he said.
	"Hi Just," JC looked up at him.
	"Hey, Justin," Lance replied still looking at the papers.
	Justin felt that that there is massive tension in the air.  He was 
about to turn around and leave, but he had to know what is going on.  He 
sat down in front of them.
	"What are those?" he asked pointing at the papers.
	"These are schedule updates," Lance replied as he gave Justin some 
of the memos.
	"Awww man," he complained as he began to read the stuff.
	"How long till we get there?" JC spoke up.
	Justin shrugged his shoulders, "Don't know," Lance replied.
	JC sighed.  Then his face lit up.
	Justin looked at him, "OK JC, spill it."
	"You're gonna love this!" he beamed back.
	"What's up?" Lance finally put down the papers and looking at JC.
	"It looks like the third week of May we have off," still smiling.
	"So?" Justin asked still confused.
	"Guess where we'll be?"
	Lance and Justin shrugged their shoulders.
	"We'll be in San Francisco," he said slowly.
	"Really!?!" Justin perked up, "That's so cool.  We can spend time 
with Mano."
	Lance gave a small smile.
	"Right! But do you know what's the best part?" Justin shook his 
head, "We can be at his prom," JC laughed.
	"Do you think he wants us there?" Justin laughed as well.
	"I don't know, but we'll crash it anyway."
	"Are you sure you want to surprise him?" Lance spoke up.
	"Why not?" JC looked at him quizzically, "I want to see the 
expression on his face when we show up out of nowhere."
	Lance shrugged his shoulders a little and resumed reading.
	"Since this is going to be a long drive, I think I'll get some 
rest," JC said as he stood up.
	"OK," Justin said, "I'll see you in a bit."
	"OK," JC waved as he went to his bunk.
	Justin took some scratch paper and started to make a list. Lance 
took notice.
	"What's that?"
	"Just a list?" Justin answered writing more stuff.
	"A list of what?"
	"Nothing important."
	"Well...It looks important," Lance trying to be bold.
	Justin looked up, "It's nothing important," he said slowly.
	"I guess..." Lance trailed off.

	Justin got up and walked to the lounge at the back of the bus.  
Lance was now alone and feeling awkward.  He just sat there just staring 
at the table.  He finally got the strength to get up and lie down in his 
bunk.  He slowly closed the curtains and placed the earphones of his CD 
player on.  Fumbled a bit for the CD and pressed play.  He closed his 
eyes and listened to the music.

	'I woke up this morning and the sun was gone...Turned on some 
music to start my day...' JC's recorded voice echoed in his ear, '...I 
lost myself in a familiar song...I closed my eyes and I slipped 
away...More than a feeling...More than a feeling...'

	Lance fell asleep listening to JC's voice.  Lance probably slept 
for God knows how long.  The bus had reached the hotel and everyone was 
getting out.  Chris looked around when everyone was off the bus.

	"Where's Lance?" he asked.
	The guys looked around, "Don't know," Justin replied, "He's 
probably inside sleeping."
	"I'll go get him," Joey said.  The rest of the guys continued to 
go into the hotel, but were stopped by a crowd of fans.
	Joey ran back into the bus and headed straight to Lance's bunk.  
He found him sleeping there.
	"Lance," Joey shook him a little, "Lance wake up."
	He moved a little and started to open his eyes."
	"You're finally awake," Joey smiled at him.
	"Hi Joey," he replied sleepily, "What's going on?"
	"We're here."
	"Already?"
	"Yes already.  Let's get you to the hotel."
	"OK."  Lance groggily got out of his bunk and put the CD player on 
the bed.  He started to walk to the front of the bus.
	"Hold on Lance," Joey putting his hand on his shoulder, "This is 
not like you."
	Lance turned around and looked at the floor.
	"You haven't been the same since we met up with Mano a few weeks 
ago.  Did something happen between you two?" Joey asked in concern.
	"No, no...nothing happen between us," Lance snapped up surprised, 
"He and I are cool."
	"OK....so what's up?" not buying it.
	Lance sighed, "I don't know...I haven't figured it out yet."
	Joey looked at him, "You know that the other guys are going to 
pester you about it.  We don't like or keep secrets."
	"I know...I just need time to straighten things out," he replied 
softly.
	"If you need anything, just holler.  OK?" Joey smiled and Lance 
smiled back.  "Good.  Let's get settled in," Joey put his arm around 
Lance's shoulder and they walked out of the bus.
	The looked at the sight of the screaming fans, "I think we should 
go around the back," Joey whispered and Lance agreed.

	They went behind the bus and around the fans.  They walked to the 
back entrance and through the large steel double-doors.  They were in 
the kitchen area of the place and quickly zipped through.  Once in the 
lobby, Lance decided to sit down on one of the chairs to wait for the 
rest of the guys.

	The rest of the guys finally made it through the mob.
	Joey laughed, "How was your encounter?"
	"Thanks for the help," JC remarked sarcastically.
	Chris walked up to Joey and whispered in his ear, "How's Lance."
	"I don't know," he whispered back, "Something's up and I don't 
like it."
	Chris nodded and headed to the receptionist for the keys.
	"Lance, catch," Justin said as he threw him the key.
	Lance caught it easily and stood up.  He looked at him for a 
moment and headed for the elevator.
	Justin looked at him puzzled, "JC...something is definitely wrong 
here," as he kept looking at Lance.
	"I know," JC looked as well.

	The elevator ride was pretty awkward for all of them.  Everyone 
knew that something was bothering Lance.  JC and Justin felt bad for him 
because he wasn't the only one who had other things on their mind.  The 
elevator chimed to the correct floor and everyone headed towards their 
rooms.

	"We have to be at the arena by 6 tonight," Lance spoke up walking 
to his room, "Don't be late."
	"Aye sir!" Chris joked

	Everyone entered their rooms and put their things away.  Lance 
left the door to his room unlocked as usual and plopped on the bed.  He 
never did bother to lock the door.  It wasn't like anyone would sneak 
in.  There was pretty tight security all around.  The door knocked.

	"Come in!" Lance yelled with his back turned to the door.
	The door slowly opened and JC stepped it.  He looked at Lance and 
quickly closed the door.
	"Hi Lance," JC said.
	He was a little surprised to hear him, "Hi JC."
	"I wanted to talk to you," JC sat on the edge of the bed.
	"About what?" still not looking.
	"About you."
	There was a small pause and he took a deep breath, "OK...begin the 
interrogation."
	JC smiled a little, "It's not going to be an interrogation.  It 
more like a concern."
	"What's on your mind?" still staring blankly at the wall.
	JC didn't know how to say what was bothering him, "It's...umm... 
your behavior."
	Lance didn't say anything.
	"All of us are really worried about you.  You've been so distant 
and out of it since we left San Francisco."
	"Do you remember the play," Lance interrupted.
	JC was surprised, "Yeah...yeah I do."
	"Well...it's just...just that..." fumbling for the words.
	"Go on.  I won't laugh," JC took off his shoes and laid down next 
to him with his hand on Lance's shoulder.
	Lance slowly started to sob, "...Will...will I ever meet someone?  
Will I ever be happy..." he trailed off still crying.

	JC was dumbfounded by Lance's confession.  He never knew he felt 
that way.  JC instinctively wrapped his arms around Lance's waist and 
softly hummed a lullaby.
	Lance kept crying, but as long as JC was there, he was safe...at 
least for the time being.  He let out all of the sadness which was 
building up inside.  It was a good 20 minutes of crying before he fell 
asleep.
	Once Lance was asleep.  JC slowly unwrapped himself and gently got 
off the bed.  He pulled the covers over Lance and tucked him in.  He 
looked so peaceful, JC smiled.  But he knew that this wasn't the end of 
it.  JC didn't know why, but he had to help him out...somehow.  He 
quietly left his room and was surprised that Justin was waiting outside 
leaning against the wall.

	Justin looked up, "OK, what's up?"
	JC shook his head, "I wish I knew.  He just cried in my arms and 
fell asleep."
	Shocked at what he just heard, "My God...is it that bad?  Is he 
going to be all right," saying quickly.
	"Calm down," putting his hand on Justin's shoulder, "Right now 
he's calmed down, but honestly," looking at the ground, "I don't know if 
he's going to be OK."
	"Do you know what caused it?"
	"No idea."
	"Wanna talk to the other guys about it?"
	"I don't think that now is a good time," JC looked back up, "We 
have to perform later and I don't any more distractions," Justin nodded.
	"Let's get some rest," JC resumed.
	"OK"

	They headed back to their rooms and plopped on the bed.  JC 
couldn't get the thought of Lance crying out of his mind.  He thought 
about me and the play.  He also imagined the expression on my face when 
I was on the ground.  JC didn't understand why I didn't yell at him 
right away and why I'd forgiven him so easily.  And every time any 
mention of my name would automatically cheer him up, he just didn't know 
why.  JC sighed and slept lightly. 
	The guys slept, though not all of them slept well.  The phone rang 
and the typical wake-up call sounded in the receiver.  Everyone 
basically did the same thing.  Looked for something to wear, take a 
shower and then headed downstairs.  As usual, Lance was the first on 
there.  Everyone joked that the only reason why he's there first is 
because he didn't have to fix the hair.
	Lance was looking much better than earlier.  He was eager to get 
to work.  JC looked at him once in a while thinking if he remembered what 
happened in his room.  He shrugged his shoulders and let it go.  
Everyone went through the front entrance.  They stopped, chatted, and 
signed autographs for the fans that were waiting there.  It was all 
pretty fun.
	The bus ride to the arena was semi-long.  It took approximately 45 
minutes to get there.  Too much traffic.  During the ride, Justin was on 
his cell phone the whole time.  He had been sitting in the lounge ever 
since they left.  Chris noticed and waited for Justin to get off the 
phone.

	"Hey Just," Chris said after he had finished the call.
	"What's up Chris?"
	"What was that phone call about?  You've been on it since we 
left."
	Justin looked at him, "It's nothing.  Just checking up on mom."
	Chris didn't buy that, "Are you going to lie too?" saying rather 
bluntly.
	"Wh..what do you mean 'lie'" surprised at the response.
	"Look," sounding very angry, "Everyone here has been keeping 
secrets left and right.  Right now I'm really fed up with the whole 
thing.  It's not like we've been friends or anything," he stormed out of 
the lounge.

	Justin felt really bad.  It was difficult for him to hide a 
secret...and this one was a real big secret.  He couldn't tell anyone, 
he was afraid it might damage their friendship.  While deep in thought, 
Joey walked in.

	"What was that all about?" Joey asked.
	Snapping out of thought, "Huh? Oh...Chris was a little upset."
	"Duh...about what?"
	"I don't know," looking out the window.
	"God...when did everyone start to lie around here?," Joey shaking 
his head.
	Justin snapped up and looked at Joey, "I'm sorry...I didn't mean 
it," apologizing.
	"You know you could have just said something was bothering him and 
leave it at that," saying a matter of factly, "I'm not the one to pry."
	"I know...it just came out."
	"We're almost at the arena and let's talk about this later."
	"Yeah...later."

	Again there was tension in the air during rehearsals.  Everyone 
wondered if they were going to be able to make it through tonight's 
performance.  They really had no choice.  The guys couldn't let their 
fans down and certainly not because of some petty arguments that 
everyone has been experiencing.
	It was concert time already.  The guys did their typical "meet and 
greet" session with the fans.  Again they did photographs, autographs, 
conversations and all of that stuff.  Once done, they went into the 
green room and played a little hackey sack.  They guys were pretty 
pumped up because no one dropped the bag.
	They quickly changed to their costumes and huddled around with the 
other band members to pray.  Finally...showtime.  Everyone was in 
position and the lights dimmed.  The crowd went wild as the music pumped 
through the speakers....



	It was a Saturday morning in mid-April.  Nothing much happened.  
The sky was clear blue and not a cloud in it.  I looked around and as 
usual no one was home, but me. 'Happy Birthday to me...' I thought to 
myself.  I had requested the day off so I was free to do anything I 
wanted.  There was nothing really for me to do.  The only reason why I 
wanted the day off was to prevent my co-workers nagging me about my b-
day.
	It was no big deal.  At least I don't have to use my fake id 
anymore.  I've only had the id of a few months.  I don't know why I 
needed it.  I was going to turn 18 soon anyway, but I guess it was the 
fad back then.  I stretched a little in the living room and flipped 
through the channels.  My wrist had healed and my brace was already off.  
I took 3 trips to the hospital to make sure that everything was OK.  It 
was a little weak, but I could get it back to full strength in no time.
	Noon-time swung by and I decided to go out to eat.  I got dressed 
and was about to head out.  There was a knock at the door.  I went over 
and opened the door.

	"FedEx," a woman in uniform said, "Please sign here."
	I grabbed the sheet and signed it.
	"Have a nice day," as she handed me the package.
	I looked at the package and my name was on it, 'That's odd.  I 
didn't order anything,' I thought.

	It was a small package.  It was as big as a shoe box.  I quickly 
cut through the taping and sifted through the styrofoam stuffing.  
Inside was the most adorable thing.  There was a small grey plush teddy
bear.  It had crystal black beads for eyes and a little soft nose.
Between the paws, there was a little white birthday cake with a single
candle sticking up in the middle.  The cake was as soft as the teddy bear
if not softer.  I almost cried when I looked at it. Written on the cake 
was a tiny inscription.   "Happy Birthday...Forever Young"
	I didn't understand what it meant.  I probably stood there looking 
at it for the better part of 15 minutes just trying to figure out 
everything.  'Who would know my birthday?' I thought, 'I've never told 
anyone...'  Then it struck me like lightening, 'JC!  It couldn't be,' 
thinking is disbelief.  'But how?'
	I set the plush bear on my table in front of my bed.  I 
slowly exited the house and just walked.  I mindlessly walked all over 
the neighborhood.  I was thinking about the package.  'Does he love me?' 
I asked myself, 'Does he really love me?'



Chapter 12: Understanding


	A new week was dawning upon me.  It had been about four weeks 
since I recieved that package from the mysterious person.  I sorta 
hoped it would be JC, but I really didn't know.
	It was a sunny Sunday morning and I was watching a movie in the 
theatre.  Since I worked there, I might as well take full advantage of 
the freebies that was available.  During the past few weeks, I had a couple 
of scuffles from Jerry and the gang.  After some understanding and such, 
all of us became pretty good friends.  Every Friday night, all of us 
would go clubbing or go somewhere to just chill.
	Before I went into the auditorium to watch the movie, I talked 
with Ellen, Hung and Myra.  We chatted a bit about everything, but 
nothing to deep into conversation.  Ellen would be always eyeing 
customers to see if they were cute.  Hung and I had a pretty good time 
making fun of her.  After the little conversation, the movie started and 
I proceeded to watch.
	It was a pretty boring movie.  I really don't remember much about 
it, except that it was supposed to be a romantic comedy.  It was neither 
romantic nor funny.  I think I fell asleep, but I wasn't sure.  I just 
know that when I blinked, the scene changed from one part to a completely 
different one.  Almost three-quarters of the way through, I got bored 
and left the movie.  I didn't pay anything so I really didn't 
lose...well maybe my sanity.
	I opened the red wooden door and headed out in the lobby.  I 
noticed Jerry behind one of the registers checking to see if the 
register had enough change.

	He looked up and saw me, "Didn't like the movie?"
	"How'd you know," I said sarcastically.
	"I saw you fall asleep," I started to blush, "It was that bad, 
huh?"
	"It's worse than bad," I shook my head, "I don't understand why 
they make such bad movies," Jerry shrugged.
	Then one of the new female trainee started to talk to me, "Are you 
the Mano, the assistant manager?"
	I looked at her and I didn't recognize her, "That's me," I smiled.
	"Oh sorry.  Mano, this is Julie.  Julie, Mano," Jerry introduced 
us.
	"Hi, nice to meet you," I said.
	"Nice to meet you too," she said happily, "I've heard a lot about 
you."
	I cocked an eyebrow, "Already?  What do you know so far?"
	"Well...I know that you're one of the nicer managers around here," 
she was trying to get on my good side, "I also know that you are friends 
with N' Sync..."
	I turned to Jerry, "Who told?"
	"Not me?" putting his hands up, "It's probably Jamila or 
somebody."
	Julie looked at me puzzled, "Is there something wrong with me 
knowing?"
	"No it's not that," I shook my head a little, "They are my friends 
and I will not treat them as if they are some object to be displayed 
everywhere.  When they are with me, they are not N' Sync."
	She really didn't understand and just kept looking at me funny, 
"Nevermind..." I sighed.
	She shrugged her shoulders, "How long have you known them?"
	"About a couple of months," I reluctantly replied.
	"How'd you guys meet up?" she started with her twenty questions.
	"I ran into them in Orlando," I said as I looked at Jerry trying 
to get her off my case.
	"Wow, that's pretty cool....." she trailed off looking over my 
shoulder.
	Jerry did the same and I looked at both of them, "Jerry, Julie, 
what's going on?"

	Jerry pointed behind me.  I turned around and my eyes bugged out.  
I would recognize that face anywhere.  The guy was talking to the door 
person trying to let himself in.  I walked up to the entrance and looked 
at him.

	"Are you trying to bribe your way in?" I said seriously.
	He jumped a little because he didn't see me, "I'm sorry...Mano?"  
he looked at me, shook my hand and gave me quick hug.  "I'm so glad that 
you're here.  I wasn't sure if you were working today," he said smiling.
	"You know," I smiled back, "You guys got to quit surprising me.  
Have a seat," as I escorted him to the bench in the middle of the lobby.
	"We like to surprise you," he laughed, "How've you been?"
	"I've been pretty good.  I've made amends with my friends and 
everything is going well," I smiled.
	"That's good to hear," he sighed.
	"What's wrong?" I asked in concern.
	"Can we talk about that later?"
	"Sure...Where's the rest of the guys?" changing the subject.
	"The guys?  They're at the hotel.  We're staying at..."
	I quickly covered his mouth with my hand.  He looked at me 
surprised.
	"Why'd you do that for?" he asked once I removed my hand.
	"Look around," I told him.
	He looked around the lobby and noticed that all of the workers 
there had a pen and paper waiting to write down the hotel name.
	"I see..." he said turning back towards me.
	"Yeah.  I don't want you guys hounded while you're here."
	He gave me a hug, "Thanks, you're always there looking out for us, 
aren't you?"
	"I guess so," returning the hug and breaking away, "You want to go 
upstairs to talk or just walk around."
	"Let's go for a walk," he stood up, "I haven't really seen too 
much of the city."
	"OK," I also stood up, "I'll see you later Jerry," I waved at him.
	Jerry waved back as we left the building.
	We walked through the parking lot and crossed the street.  We 
turned right and headed down the hill.
	"This is an odd city," he commented.
	"How so?" still walking down the sidewalk.
	"I don't know.  Everywhere you look, there's a cemetery.  It's 
kinda creepy."
	I laughed and he looked at me, "You know this is Colma.  The city 
where the number of dead people outnumber the living," he laughed as 
well.
	"I guess so."
	"So, where are you staying?"
	We reached the stop light at the bottom of the hill and headed 
left on El Camino, "We're staying at the ANA Hotel."
	My eyes bugged out, "You can't stay there," almost screaming at 
him.
	He looked at me confused, "Why not?"
	"Because...that's where my prom will be."
	"What!" he said, "Your prom?"
	"Yeah...I'm afraid that you guys will be swamped by all the prom 
go-ers."
	"You do care," he smiled and put his arm around my shoulder as we 
continued walking down the sidewalk.
	I blushed a little, "I guess....I really do."
	"Don't worry about us," I looked at him, "We've been in a bigger 
mess before," he laughed.  I remembered and laughed with him.
	We were walking quite a bit and we didn't care.
	"How's your wrist?" he asked.
	"It's as good as new.  I've had plenty of time to recover."
	"That's good.  I was afraid that you wouldn't be able to write 
or play basketball anymore."
	"It's no big deal.  I didn't know you cared," I joked.
	"Of course I do," he squeezed my shoulder, "You really are
something."
	"Something of a pain," I continued and joked.
	"Ah shaddap," he laughed as well.
	"Seriously...you said that something's up," I said.
	"Well," he looked around, "Can we talk somewhere in private?"
	"Sure," I looked around and noticed that we were only a few blocks 
from my house, "My house is really close.  We can talk there."
	"OK.  No problem."
	We walked the last few blocks to my house in silence.  We walked 
up the front steps and I unlocked the door.  I opened the door and I let 
him go in first.
	"Nice house," as he looked around, "It feels homey."
	"Thanks," I closed the door, "Do you want anything to drink?  
Coffee, tea, milk, soda?"
	"I'm fine thank you," as he sat down on the couch.
	I sat next to him and looked him dead in the eyes, "What's up?"
	He took a deep breath, "Something's wrong with one of the guys and 
he won't talk about it."
	"Who and how so?" I asked with concern.
	"It's......it's Lance..." trailing off.
	"Is he all right?  Is he going to be okay?" I said in a panicked 
voice.
	"Calm down, calm down," putting his hand on my shoulder, "He's not 
hurt or anything, but something is bugging him and it has gotten all of 
us worried."
	I calmed down a bit, "When did this happen?"
	"Actually," looking down on the floor, "It happened after we left 
San Francisco."
	Then it clicked in my head, "It's....it's my fault...isn't it?" I 
stood up and turned around, "I...I...I did something to him...didn't I?"
	"Mano..."
	"How can I do that to him," I put my hands on my face and started 
to cry.
	"Mano," he said louder.
	"I'm a horrible person," I spoke through my hands, "I shouldn't 
have ever met you guys."
	"Mano!" he yelled.  He grabbed my shoulders, spun me around and 
gave me a very deep embrace, "Don't say that," he whispered, "It's not 
your fault," I kept crying in his shoulders.  "I never said it was."
	I eased up on my crying and looked at him, "Then...then how come 
Lance is like that after you guys left?"
	"I don't know," he smiled softly and let me go, "Why did you say 
that it's your fault?"
	"Think about it....You guys were depressed after I left Orlando 
and then you cheered up right away when you saw me again.  I suspect 
that when you guys left, you got depressed again and..." I trailed off.
	He put his hand on my shoulder, "Don't guess.  It is not your 
fault," trying to comfort me, "He won't talk to anyone about his 
problems and I think the only person he would rather talk to...is you."
	"Do you really think so?" I asked, "You guys know him longer than I 
have.  Do you think he'll say something to me?"
	"I know so," he said as we both sat back down, "Probably the only 
reason why he won't talk to any of us is that he knows what our reaction 
would be.  Since he doesn't know you very well, he would like to have an 
honest, straight answer."
	I thought about it for a minute, "Do you think he trusts me that 
much?"
	"I think so," he smiled a little, "I do."
	I smiled at his comment, "Thanks, I feel the same way."
	We talked a little bit longer.
	"I have to go back to the hotel.  The guys is probably going to 
send a search party or something," I laughed, "Do you want to come?"
	"Maybe a little later," looking at the wall clock, "I still have 
some errands I have to do first.  I can stop by at around 5 this 
afternoon."
	"Cool."
	"I wanted to ask you guys something."
	"What is it?"
	"I'll tell you when I get there."
	"OK.  I'll see you in a bit."

	He got up and headed for the door.  I opened it for him and he 
walked off down the street. 'That's kinda dangerous,' I thought to 
myself, 'What if he gets recognized or something?'  He turned the corner 
and was out of sight.  I closed the door and quickly located by sketch 
book.  I tore out the pages with the various video conceptions and put 
it in a folder.  I was so excited that I would be meeting up with the 
guys again that I almost dropped the stuff.
	I hurriedly put all of the stuff in my backpack and headed out the 
door.  Since I was going to the city, I might as well take BART (that's 
the local underground rail system).  The fare wasn't too bad and only a 
few people wandered about the station.  It was Sunday afternoon and 
everyone is probably at home sleeping.
	I rode in the train impatiently all the way to the hotel.  During 
the ride, I was pretty fidgety and a few people noticed.  I didn't care 
though.  The only thing that bothered me is Lance's condition.  I 
couldn't believe something bothered him so much that he couldn't talk to 
any of the guys about it.  It was about 15 minutes until I exited the 
station.  The hotel was only a couple of blocks away.
	I quickly walked over to the hotel almost breaking into a run.  I 
walked into the lobby and then it struck me.  He didn't tell me what 
floor they were in.  'Damn!' I thought, 'It's just one of those days.'  
Kinda frustrated, I walked around and checked out the ballroom again for 
the millionth time.  I walked within the space and imagined where all 
the props would be.  I also tried to imagine where all the tables would 
be set and stuff.
	I exited the ballroom and headed for the lobby.  The elevator 
chimed and I saw Justin.

	"Justin," I called for him.
	He quickly spun around, "Mano?  What are you doing here?"
	I thought before answering, "I was checking out the ballroom 
here."
	"Oh, why?"
	"My prom will be here in 2 days," I smiled.
	"Really?" he looked astonished, "That soon?"
	"Yup," I smiled, "What brings you here?"
	"We have the week off and then we're heading toward Washington."
	"Cool."
	"I'm kinda hungry right now.  Do you want to eat with me?"
	"I'd be delighted," Justin and I walked out of the hotel and 
walked along Market Street.
	"Where's the other guys?" I asked as we stopped at an 
intersection.
	"They fell asleep.  All of them are really tired."
	"The tour is that rough?"
	"No...It was a long drive to get here," we continued our walk.
	"How's life on the road?"
	Justin didn't answer right away, "It has it's ups and downs."
	I sighed, "Right now...there's a down, right?"
	"Is it that obvious?" he looked at me.
	"Yeah...to me it is cause you don't hide anything from me like 
you do with the other fans."
	He smiled at me, "Could we eat here?" stopping at a small Italian 
restaurant.
	"Sure," I agreed, "I love pasta."
	"Good."

	We sat down at a table in the corner of the place.  We were as far 
from the windows as possible.  I guess he doesn't want to be recognized 
by anyone.   Or maybe he wants me alone.  No, he does want me alone, I'm 
sure of it.

	"May I take your order," a polite waitress asked.
	"I'll have the spaghetti with some juice," Justin said putting 
down the menu.
	"I'll take the angel hair pasta with pesto sauce.  I'll get some 
Sprite as well," I said afterwards.
	She collected our menus and walked away.
	"Soda's bad for you," commented.
	"Yeah, yeah. It's just sugar water."
	"That's why it's bad for you.  It makes you hyper."
	"I guess," shrugging my shoulder.
	Justin stared over my shoulder, "Things have been strange lately."
	"How so?" asking concerned, but I knew the answer.
	"It's...Lance," turning towards me.
	"What's wrong with him?"
	"I don't know if I should say, but I know you could help."
	"Me?" I replied confused, "How so?"
	"Well you see...a few weeks ago Lance was pretty upset.  JC went 
up to his room to see what was going on and he...well...he just cried in 
his arms until he fell asleep."
	I was shocked at this news, "I...I didn't know....How can I help?"
	"I was wondering if you could maybe talk to him," he said softly, 
"He doesn't want to say anything to us, but he might say something to 
you."
	"That's going to be a little tough," I replied.
	"Why?" looking at me quizzically.
	"Because...what if he makes me promise not to tell any of you 
guys...what will I do?" looking at the table.
	"Then you will keep that promise," I looked back at him, "As long 
as we know that everything is all right, we don't care what the details 
are and we won't snoop around."
	"Do you.....do you trust me that much?" I asked hesitantly.
	"With my life," he smiled and I smiled back.

	The food came and we dug in.  It was pretty good pasta.  I should 
make this stuff at home.  The recipe seemed simple as I tried to analyze 
what I was eating.  We talked during our meal.

	"When's a good time to talk to him," I asked after taking a sip of 
my soda.
	"I don't know," Justin thought, "He doesn't know that you know 
where we are staying."
	"I see," taking in another forkful of pasta, "I need to know when 
I can speak to him or else I won't be able to help."
	"I know," Justin sighed, "I'll see if he'll be available tomorrow 
at noon."
	"Good idea.  Maybe I can treat him to lunch or something," Justin 
smiled.
	"Thanks..."
	"Thanks for what?"
	"Thanks for being there for us."
	I laughed, "As long as you guys are there for me, I'll do anything 
you ask," he laughed at the comment as well.

	We conversed a little more during our meal and it was already 
6:30.  Justin decided that he should go back and see what's everyone was 
up to.  I agreed and he paid for the meal.  We exited the restaurant and 
headed back to the hotel.  This time, there were a ton of cars floating 
about.  It looked like rush hour, but I couldn't understand why because 
it was Sunday.
	Justin was totally paranoid at the intersection right across from 
the hotel.  I assured him that he wouldn't get run over because more 
than likely I would knock him aside.  He looked at me strangely.  I put 
my arm around his shoulder and escorted him safely across.  When we 
reached the hotel and entered the lobby, we saw JC at the front desk.

	"Hey JC," Justin called as we continued to walk towards him.
	He turned around and smiled, "Hi Just, hi Mano."
	"Hi JC. Long time no see," I hugged him.
	"What are you doing here?" JC asked.
	"I was just looking at the ballroom and met up with Justin.  We 
had a quick supper."
	"Supper?" Justin remarked, "I hadn't heard that since I was in 
Tennessee."
	"Get used to it buddy," I joked, "I lived in Kentucky.  I still 
remember some things ya know," JC laughed.
	"Where you headed?" Justin asked JC.
	"I wanted to explore the city some more," he replied, "Wanna 
come?" asking me.
	"What is this a relay?" I asked.
	Justin and JC looked at me totally confused, "Nevermind.  Sure 
I'll go."
	JC smiled, "I'll see you in a bit," talking to Justin.
	"OK, have fun," he walked towards the open elevator.
	"Where to?" I asked JC.
	"Do you mind walking along the pier?" he slowly asked me.
	"You're such a romantic," I kidded and he smiled.  Then I realized 
what I just said. 'Shit!' I panicked, 'Now he might know.'
	We walked out the hotel and slowly headed to the piers along 
Market Street.
	"This is a real nice city," JC commented.
	"Well...I can't say very much.  I haven't been around like you 
guys have," replying sheepishly.
	"Don't worry about it," he put his arm around my shoulder and 
squeezed a little, "This is a beautiful city."
	"Oh wow, is that the B of A building?" JC said looking straight up.
	"Yup.  That's it.  There's also the TransAmerica Pyramid right 
over there," pointing in the opposite direction.
	"Told you this is a cool city."
	"And that over there," looking straight ahead, "...is Embarcadero 
Centre."
	"It looks like one big outdoor mall," acting hyperly.
	"During the winter, the city sets up an ice rink in the middle of 
the place."
	"That is so cool."
	"Yeah...look straight ahead."
	"Is that what I think it is?"
	"I think so, but you know I can't read people's minds," I laughed, 
"It's the Ferry Building."
	JC grabbed my arm and both of us ran across the street. "This is 
so cool, I'm having a wonderful time."
	"This is the least I could do after you guys gave me tour of your 
city."
	"Let's walk along the pier," he suggested.
	"Sure," I agreed.
	We walked for a little bit, "The scenery is so peaceful here," he 
sighed.
	"I come here a lot to think things out."
	"I could see why," JC stopped and looked out over the ocean.
	I stopped and looked at what he was watching, "That is a beautiful 
sunset," I commented.
	He didn't answer, but let a small sigh.
	I looked at him with concern, "JC...what's on your mind."	

	He turned to look at me.  I could see the soft orange hues of 
light shining off his innocent face.  He looked deep into my eyes and I 
could see his expression of concern in his.

	"I don't...I don't know how to say this," he finally spoke looking 
at the ground.
	I put my hand on his shoulder, "It's OK, I'm here for you.  I'll 
always be here for you."
	He looked up, "You see it's difficult for me to say.  I don't want 
to say anything that could damage our relationship," I was totally 
confused at this point.
	'Is he?' I thought, 'Will he?'
	JC took a deep breath, "Even though I've only met you for only a 
short time, I feel that I can trust you with this."
	"Huh?" I asked dumbfounded.
	"You see," he resumed, "Mano...I...," a small pause, "Mano, I love 
you..."


** As you can see, this one is shorter than the rest.  I told you that 
** my writing is going downhill.  It's difficult to pull it off.

** Comments, questions, suggentions, etc.   zeo@sfsu.edu