Date: Wed, 14 Apr 1999 14:03:00 -0700
From: zeo@sfsu.edu
Subject: N Sync Love Pt8

** I really appreciate everything that you guys have done for me.
**	I thank you very, very much.
** Song lyrics are to their respected authors...
** Comments, Q's, concerns...  zeo@sfsu.edu


Chapter 15: Intimacy


	We swayed back and forth for a little while.  I closed my eyes and
listed to JC's humming.  All too soon, he reached the end of the song.
I slowly opened my eyes and he pulled away from me.  I looked at him
curiously.  He wasn't acting right.  He looked at me and then looked at
the ground.

	"JC?" I softly spoke.

	He gave me no answer.  Instead he slowly turned around and
shuffled to the window.  JC looked up through the glass and up into the
night sky.  I wasn't angry, but more or less confused.  I stepped back a
little bit and I could feel the tears welling up.

	"Y..you just did that to make me f..feel better, didn't you?" I
quickly bent down and started to collect the papers.

	I couldn't properly file the papers because my hands were shaking
so hard.  I was on the verge of breaking down.  Then I heard a small
sniffle.  It wasn't mine because I didn't start to cry yet.  I
reluctantly looked up at JC.  He had a small stream of tears flowing
down his cheek.  I stopped filing the papers and slowly stood up.  I
didn't understand why he was crying.  None of this made sense.  I
gathered the strength to walk ever so slowly towards him.  He softly
sobbed still looking through the window.  I hesitantly wrapped my arms
around his waist.  JC didn't give any reaction at first, but soon he
placed his hand on my arm and squeezed a little.

	"What's bothering you?" I softly spoke, thinking that was the
wrong thing to say.
	He didn't give any answers at first, "I...I don't know," he
whispered.
	"Then why are you crying?"
	He looked down, "I don't know..."
	I hugged him tighter, "Let's sit down...let's talk."

	He nodded and I broke from the embrace.  I slowly lead him to the
edge of the bed and sat down.  He sat next to me still looking on the
floor.  I put my finger under his chin and turned his head towards mine.

	"Is it because of me?" I softly spoke.
	"No...no.  It's not you," he whispered.
	"Then what is it?"
	"I..I don't know.  I'm so confused..." he said trailing off.
	I looked at him curiously, "Confused about what?"
	He looked at me as if I was dense, "I...I'm not sure if I'm gay or
not..."
	I looked into his eyes lovingly and softly stroked his cheek.  He
closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath.
	"You see..." he started up, "I've always dated girls and I thought
nothing about guys.  Then, when you came along...I don't know..." he
said trailing off.
	I looked at him and then on the mattress, "I see...Then I should
have never met you in the first place," I slowly got up.
	JC quickly grabbed my hand, "No...please," he begged, "I didn't
mean in like that,"  I sat back down next to him.
	"I don't understand," I explained.
	"It's hard for me to explain...When I met you, something clicked
in me.  I don't know what it is...it's just that you made me feel
something that I've never felt before," he looked deep into my eyes, "I
know it's there, but I'm scared to find out if it's real."
	"You just need a little time to work things out," I gently put my
hand on his shoulder, "I won't force you into anything," I gently
smiled.
	"OK...we have until Saturday before we go back on tour," he turned
away from me, "I would like you to be there with me...when I come to my
senses."
	I turned his head back towards me, "I will always be by your
side," I smiled at him.
	JC smiled back, "OK...thank you..."
	"Get some sleep," I told him, "Call me if you want to do
anything," I scribbled down my number on one of the sketches.
	"OK...I'm not sure if I'll be able to call you..." he trailed off
looking down.
	"Please," I rolled my eyes back, "We're not serious yet," I
laughed.
	He laughed a little, "I guess you're right.  I'll see you tomorrow
then?"
	"Sure, no problem," I slowly got up from the bed.
	"Good night," JC softly spoke.
	"Good night JC," I replied.

	I slowly exited the room and walked down the hall.  I pushed the
elevator button and just looked at it.  'He's not sure if he loves me,'
I thought, 'What kind of an answer is that?'  All I could do is hope
that he is in love with me.  But like I said, I will not force him to do
anything.  It is his choice if he loves me or not...not mine.  The
elevator finally came and I headed down to meet up with everyone at the
table.
	Once I stepped into the elevator, Justin slowly closed the door of
his room.  He sat on his bed and thought about everything.  'I wonder
what he was doing in JC's room?  And why did he look so down when he
went into the elevator.'  Justin crawled back into bed and wondered what
happened between JC and me.
	JC slouched on the bed figuring out what the hell just happened.
He slowly unbuttoned his dress shirt as well as his pants and slowly
removed them.  Everything was turning upside down and nothing made
sense.  'I love him, but...' he thought, 'Is it real?  But it has to
be...right?'


	The prom was a blast and everyone at school were talking about it.
They were mainly talking about N' Sync being there.  I just laughed at
all of this.  Even my classmates were bugging me about them, how quaint.
I didn't mind much, I had other things on my mind.  Why was JC acting so
funny last night?  Most likely, he was struggling with himself just like
Lance was.  Still, I couldn't get the image of his face when he looked
me after we kissed.  It was one filled with confusion, not anguish like
Lance's.
	The whole day my mind was filled with concern.  I really did want
to help JC, but it ultimately falls on him for the final answer.  I
would never impose on him, I love him too much to do so.  In all of my
classes, I wasn't really paying attention to what my teachers were
saying.  Everything was on JC.  Arc and Ulysses talked to me about it
for a little while, but I assured them I was okay.  They let it go at
that, never be the ones who pried for information.
	Finally school ended and I could go about my normal business.
Nothing could get JC out of my mind.  Even though my school was a short
walk from my house, it was difficult for me to traverse the distance.
On a couple of occasions, I almost bumped into a stranger.  I was so
preoccupied with JC that I missed the street I was supposed to go to and
wound up passing my house by a couple of blocks.  I couldn't believe
what effect he had on me.  Though, I wondered how he is faring as well.
	I arrived at home, in one piece, and put my stuff next to the
couch.  I lied down on the couch and just stared at the phone, praying
that he would call.  All I did the whole time I was at home was to mope
around and just watched the phone.  No TV, no radio, no nothing, except
the occasional snack from the fridge.  'Why is he doing this to me,' I
thought, 'Oh wait...we're not serious...'  I was basically pacing around
the room like a skitzo.
	I was so wound up that JC would call me that I had forgotten the
time.  By the time I looked at the clock, my eyes were getting heavy.
It was a little past midnight and no word from JC.  I sighed knowing
that it wasn't gonna happen.  I felt miserable.  This my fault, my
doing.  I set myself up and I knew that it was impossible.  It wasn't
like that my world was shattered or anything, but it sure felt like it.
	I trudged onto my bed and closed my eyes.  I was tired, yet I
wasn't sleepy.  My mind was so occupied with everything that JC and I
did, I just couldn't sleep.  Tossing and turning in my bed didn't help
matters either.  Why was I so hung up on this guy?  I don't know...he's
probably the first person I've loved in a long time.
	Morning came and the phone was ringing.  At first, I didn't get
up, but the phone kept on going and going.  I slid out of bed and crept
my way to the phone.

	"Hello?" I sleepily said into the receiver.
	"I see you're not a morning person," Justin laughed.
	"Justin?  How'd you get my number?" I asked realizing who it was.
	"Have ever heard of Information?" he remarked, "I do know where
you live so it was easy to get."
	"Oh I see...What time is it?" fumbling around for a clock.
	"It's 11 and by the sound of it, you're pretty beat," he said
worriedly.
	"Yeah...I stayed up pretty late.  I don't think I want to go to
school."
	"Well..." he hesitantly said, "Would you mind some company?"
	"I wouldn't mind one bit," I smiled, "I can whip up a quick brunch
when you get here."
	"Hey that would be cool."
	"OK...what time are you gonna come?"
	"I'll be there in about 10 minutes."
	"I'll see you then," I hung up the phone.

	I sighed a little and stepped out of the room.  I headed towards
the fridge looking for something to cook.  Everything was a little fuzzy
and I just gave up thinking of what to pick out.  When Justin arrives,
he'll think of something.  I sat down on the couch and turned on the TV.
Nothing exciting was going on, but I was falling in and out of sleep.  I
didn't understand why I was so tired.
	I closed my eyes and then was awakened by knocking on the door.  I
sleepily got off the couch and opened the front door.  When I saw
Justin's unique hair, I just had to smile.

	"Hi Justin," I sleepily said.
	He looked at me oddly, "I didn't know you were still sleepy.
Maybe this wasn't a good time to come."
	"No, no, no," I begged him, "Please come in.  Like you said, I'm
not a morning person."
	"If you say so," he shrugged.
	He walked through the front door and sat on the couch while I sat
on the other couch.  "What's on the menu?" he asked, flipping through
the channels.
	"I don't know.  I was expecting you to decided."
	"Actually," he said looking at the TV, "I already ate breakfast
and I'm not that hungry."
	"Make's it easier on me," I laughed, "Have you guys been busy
lately."
	"Yeah.  There were a few photo shoots as well as some
appearances."
	"Let me guess...Macy's, right?"
	"Yup...Lance got the okay to do some publicity there."
	"That's cool," I sleepily said.
	"Hey Mano, you look pretty tired," he got up and sat next to me.
	"No it's all right," I yawned, "I didn't get enough sleep last
night."
	"You should go to bed and I'll come back later if you want," he
said in concern.
	"No, no," I yawned, "Just make yourself at home and..." I fell
asleep, slumping onto his shoulder.

	Justin was startled by my sudden sleepiness.  I lay on his
shoulder and since it was pretty cold in the room, I curled up into a
ball next to him.  He looked at me and smiled.  He wrapped his arms
around by shivering shoulders and hugged tightly.  In my sleep, I could
feel the warmth of his body against mine and I calmed down.  Justin had
no idea what was going on.  To him, he felt as if he was putting
Johnathan to sleep back home.
	Once in a while I would stir a little in his arms and Justin had
to readjust himself so that he could also be comfortable.  He softly
hummed a tune which he learned from his grandmother a long time ago.  He
sat there quietly looking at me for about half an hour.  I suddenly
shook awake and Justin pulled away.

	"Huh?  Oh, I'm sorry," I rubbed my eyes, "Didn't mean to fall
asleep."
	"It's okay.  I can tell that you're tired."
	I yawned, "Maybe if I did something, then I could wake up," I got
off the couch.
	"If you want to," Justin shrugged.
	"I do.  I'll be back in a sec," I disappeared in my room.
	Justin again waited in the room while watching some TV.  After a
few minutes, I stepped back out in the living room with a blue shirt,
flannel, black jeans and sneakers. "Ready?" I said.
	"Let's go," he clicked the remote and stood up, "Where to?"
	"Let's see..." I opened the door, "I know you don't want to go to
the mall...hmmm."
	"Actually," he interrupted, "Can we just walk around?  Maybe go
visit your school or something?"
	I looked at him puzzled, "Are you sure?  You know that you'll be
mobbed."
	Justin laughed, "You don't have to be so over-protective.  I can
take care of myself."
	I shrugged, "OK..I can catch my last couple of classes.  Let me
grab my bag."
	I hurriedly went into my room and grabbed my backpack.  I opened
the door and we stepped out.  "The school's this way," as I walked down
the street.
	Justin looked around the neighborhood, "This is a nice place."
	I rolled my eyes, "You don't have to be so generous.  You know
this place is pretty crappy."
	He looked at me shocked, "I'm serious!  This place is pretty nice.
Each house is so different and everything is so real."
	"So real?" I asked puzzled, "I don't understand."
	"You've seen where I live, right?" I nodded, "Well, everybody
there just wants to get to know you cause of your status.  Here,
it's..."
	"Normal?" I finished the sentence.
	He smiled, "Yeah...normal."
	"I thought you like to entertain people?"
	"I do...but it comes with a price."
	"Like being busy all the time and being hounded by thousands of
fans."
	He laughed, "Yup...but I can't complain."

	We slowly walked for a couple of blocks.  He would comment on the
different houses and I would point out some stuff for him.  The day was
pretty nice.  Not too sunny nor was it windy...it was a perfect blend of
the two.  Lunch was over and we could see people coming back to the
campus.  When lunch rolls around about half of the people would go out
to eat.  I guess the cafeteria food was pretty bad.  Didn't know for
sure.  We stopped about a block away from the side entrance.

	"You sure you want to do this?" I asked nervously.
	He put his hands on my shoulder and smiled, "I've been through
much worse.  Don't worry about me.  And besides, you're here to protect
me, right?"
	I laughed, "I guess so."
	We casually walked through the gates and headed for my economy
class.  Everyone hushed as Justin and I walked down the halls.
	"Is it this quiet around this time?" he asked as we continued down
the corridor.
	"Well, duh?" I replied sarcastically, "It's always quiet," I
joked.
	"Just checking," he laughed.

	We entered the fairly large room and sat in the back.  There were
plenty of seats because a lot of people usually ditch classes this late
in the day.  I looked around and as usual the straight A students were
around.  This time they were just peering over their shoulder trying to
get a glimpse of Justin.  For some unknown reason, no one wanted to sit
next to us.  There was a ring of empty seats.  Justin and I looked at
each other and chuckled amongst ourselves.

	Ulysses stepped into the room and caught sight of me, "Hey Mano,"
he waved and walked towards my direction.
	"What's up, Uly?" I asked
	"Nothing much," he replied, "Hey Justin.  My name is Ulysses," he
extended out his hand.
	"Nice to meet you," Justin shook hands.
	"Hey thanks for singing at our prom a couple of nights ago.  It's
the talk of the town now," he smiled.
	"No biggie," Justin replied, "Glad to help Mano here," he smiled
towards me.
	Ulysses laughed, "Finally came to school eh?  Now we know where
you've been."
	"Please," I rolled my eyes, "I woke up late and Justin wanted a
tour of the school."
	"Sure," not believing what I said.
	"Whatever....Say did I miss much?"
	"No, not really," scratching his head, "Just review...nothing
major or anything.  Oh, I'd better get to my seat," he said as he saw
the teacher.
	"You've got a good friend," he whispered in my ear.
	"Yeah," I sighed, "But we don't hang out together much."	
	"Why not?" he looked at me puzzled.
	"I don't know...I have this feeling that I'll be a bother to him
or something."
	"Yeah right...You're never a bother," he assured me, "You're just
insecure."
	"I guess," I shrugged.

	The teacher started up the class and of course noticed the new
student.  I told him that Justin was a friend and I invited him to see
what the class is like.  I patted myself on the back for convincing the
teacher.  Justin, as well as everybody else, knew perfectly well why he
was here.  He giggled at my successful attempt.  The teacher was going
over some diagrams about the country's economy and such.  Justin is a
bright student.  He paid attention to what the teacher was saying and
was even helping me out on some of the group exercises.  Boy did I look
stupid.  I didn't mind.  I liked being in need once in a while.
	When the class ended, I gave Justin the "ten minute tour" of the
campus.  Well, it had to be ten minutes because that was the amount of
time we had to go from one class to another.  I showed him the other
rooms as well as the other classes I went to.  I also showed him the
gym.  Boy did he nag about playing one-on-one with me.  Of course I was
stubborn and just hurried along to my English class.  I knew that I had
some explaining to do, but I needed to get the assignment.  I stepped in
and the teacher looked at me a little surprised.

	"Aren't you a little late coming here?" she joked.
	"I'm sorry about that," I apologized, "I over-slept."
	"Since you're hardly absent, I'll let you slide."
	"Thanks," I smiled, "What's the assignment for next week?" I
asked.
	"Just finish reading Huck Finn and be ready to discuss it on
Monday.  Oh, here's your poem you turned in...Very emotional," she
handed me the paper.
	I briefly skimmed it over, "Thanks.  I'll see you Monday and I'll
be there," I laughed
	Justin and I walked out of the room and headed for my last class.
"What did you get on the assignment?" Justin asked.
	"An A."
	"Cool.  Can I read it?"
	"Sure," I handed him the poem.
	When he was reading it, I realized about what I wrote, 'Shit!' I
thought, 'My God...What if he finds out?'  I was starting to panic.
	After Justin finished reading it, he handed back the poem, "That's
really good.  You've got talent."
	I just kept walking trying to figure out what to say, "Uhh..I
guess," I shrugged my shoulders.
	Justin looked at me for a minute or so, "No really, you do have
talent.  You're so sincere."
	I blushed, "Thanks.  Here's my last class," I said as I opened the
door.

	We went in and everything happened just like before.  The people
in the class were awestruck by Justin and left us alone.  The whole time
in class, I was occupied with the notion of Justin finding out about me
and JC.  I can't tell him cause I'm scared of what he might think about
me...moreover about JC.  I don't want to break their relationship.  I
could see that they're like brothers and I don't want to stand in their
way.
	The class was a blur and I couldn't absorb anything.  The only
thing I managed to get was the homework which is due the following
Monday.  Time flew pretty quickly and school was out.  Justin and I left
the class and headed back out the side entrance of the campus.  We
slowly walked back to my house silently.  There was an awkward silence
which lingered.

	"Do you have any plans for today?" I managed to ask.
	"Naaa," he replied, "We have the day off and then we're leaving
again to go back on tour on Saturday morning."
	"I see," I said, "Interested in doing anything?"
	He thought about it for a minute, "I don't know...I'm kinda
tired."
	"I warned you..."
	"No it wasn't that.  It's just that we had a rough day
yesterday...pretty hectic."
	"I understand," I sighed.
	"Maybe one of the other guys would want to have some fun before we
leave?"
	"You sure?"
	"Positive.  Let me call for a ride."

	Justin took his cell phone from his pocket and dialed some
numbers.  He talked to someone while we headed towards the house.  By
the time we reach my house, he was finished with his call and put the
phone back in his pocket.

	"Okay, the ride'll be here like in 10 minutes or so," he said.
	"No problem.  I can wait."  We sat down on the stair leading to
the front door.
	"Say, can I ask you something?" Justin spoke as he looked across
the street.
	"Sure."
	"I know that you went with JC in his room after we performed and I
was wondering what you guys talked about?" he turned to look at me.
	I was very nervous.  I think he knows.  "We talked about some
sketches I did," telling him half of the story.
	"Oh?" he replied puzzled, "What kind of sketches?"
	"Some video concept sketches.  Wait, I'll go get them."

	I stood up and went inside the house.  My heart was racing about a
hundred miles an hour by this point.  I didn't know what to do.  Justin
just read my poem and then asked about me and JC.  What am I gonna do?
I hate keeping secrets.  I dashed into my room and then picked up the
folder with all the drawings.  The memory of that night flooded my head.
'I wish it was true,' I thought to myself.  I quickly regained my
composure and went back outside.

	"These pictures," I said as I handed the folder to Justin.
	"Cool," he took the folder and started to look through the
sketches.  "Once again, you amaze the hell out of me."
	"Would you quit with the compliments?" I said sarcastically, "Like
I'm sure you guys wanna use it."
	"No really," he started, "I think there's a good chance that we
can use this stuff."
	"Umm..thanks."  Just then, the limo quietly rolled down the street
and stopped in front of the house.
	"Ready to go?" he asked.
	"Sure.  Do you think any of the guys will want to do anything?" I
asked as we entered the limo.
	"I'm sure one of them wants to look at the city one more time," he
smiled back.

	Once in the limo, Justin kept looking at the sketches while I
stared out the window.  I was feeling a little bit uncomfortable with
him around.  I didn't know why.  I mean, he's basically my brother and
all, so why am I feeling this way?  Most likely it is because of me and
JC, but still...Justin then filed all the sketches back neatly in the
folder and handed it to me.

	"These are really good," he said, "Most likely, we'll use them."
	"If you are, then go ahead and keep it," I replied.
	"Are you sure?"
	"Positive.  And besides, I think the other guys would want to see
them too."
	Justin smiled, "Thanks.  Say, do you have any plans for today?"
	I thought for a moment, "I don't know...I've got to ask first."
	"Why do you have to ask first?" he looked at me puzzled.
	"Well, they are visiting so they should decided where to go not
me."
	"But you know this place better than us.  You should decide and
surprise us."
	"What if I pick a crappy place to go?"
	"So...If it's bad, then we won't go back.  Simple as that."
	I laughed, "I guess you're right as always."
	"Me? Right? Please," he laughed back, "I'm the one who's wrong
most of the time."

	The limo arrived at the hotel and we stepped out.  It was a breezy
Friday afternoon and cars were everywhere.  People were walking around
doing their normal routine as well as tourists getting pictures of the
buildings.  We entered the hotel lobby.  I was kinda hungry and Justin
agreed to go with me to the little cafe.  When we entered, I saw Lance
sitting at a table reading some papers and sipping a cup.  Both of us
changed direction and headed towards Lance.

	"Hi Lance," I said.
	He looked up, "Hey Mano.  Hi Just.  What's up?"
	"Nothing much," Justin and I sat down, "I was just coming back
from a tour of his school."
	"Sounds cool," he replied and took another sip, "Wish I could do
something."
	"Why's that?" I asked.
	"These," he waved the papers, "Are more schedule changes.  I've
got to read them and plan out the agenda."
	"Awww, man," Justin complained, "When are we ever gonna get a
schedule which doesn't change?"
	"By the amount of success you guys have...never," I joked and both
of them laughed.
	"Can I see the changes?" Justin asked.
	"Sure," he handed them the papers, "What' brings you here Mano?"
	"Can't I visit my friends?" I joked.
	"Hahaha, never thought we were worth visiting."
	"Please," I rolled my eyes, "Since you're stuck here with the
papers, I'll go ask one of the guys if they want to explore the city."
	"Hmmm," Lance stopped reading and thought a little, "Joey is out
flirting with some girl he met at Macy's and Chris is dead tired and
sleeping in his room."
	"What about JC?" I asked.
	Lance cocked an eyebrow slightly, "I don't know...He hasn't said
much lately.  He's probably still in his room."
	"Eh?" Justin perked up, "What's wrong with him?"
	Lance turned to Justin, "Don't know.  He's been a little quiet
lately."
	"Probably lack of sleep," I interjected.
	"Probably..." Lance shrugged his shoulders and resumed reading.
	"Oh well...I'll go check to see if JC is up for some exploring," I
said as I stood up, "I'll see you around."
	"No problem," Justin said.
	"Bring me back a beanie," Lance said, "I still need to finish my
collection."
	I laughed, "The polar bear and penguin, right?"
	"You got it," he smiled.

	I waved to them and headed toward the elevator.  I entered and
soon enough I was at JC's floor.  I walked towards his room and knocked.
There was no answer at first, so I knocked one more time.  This time I
could hear the shuffling of feet from the other side.  The door opened.

	"Mano?" he sleepily said, "What are you doing here?"

	I was startled by JC's appearance.  Though he was only wearing a
tank top and his boxers, his face looked like he hadn't slept in days.
I was hesitant to respond, but I knew that something's up.

	"Nothing much.  I was wondering if you wanted to see the city
before you leave?"
	"Umm...I'm really tired.  So I guess..."
	"Yeah, I know," I interrupted him, "You guys had a busy day
yesterday."
	"We did?" he looked at me.
	"Yeah, Justin told me about the crazy day that you had...with all
the photo shoots and appearances and stuff."
	"That was pretty hectic," JC added, "I guess that's why everyone
else is pretty tired.  Sorry I couldn't go out with you."
	"That's OK," I sighed, "I understand.  I'll you around then."
	"OK...Bye."

	I turned around and headed back to the elevator as JC softly
closed the door behind him.  I knew what this meant...This wasn't real
to begin with.  I'll just have to take it in stride...if I can get over
this that is.  I stepped in the elevator and regained my composure.  I
had to look like I didn't lose the love of my life, which just did
happen, and try to play it off.  I reached the lobby and went back to
the little cafe and headed to where Lance and Justin were seated.

	"Well?" Lance asked when he saw me.
	I pulled up a seat, "JC looked pretty tired...So I guess everyone
is pretty busy."
	"I guess," Justin said, "What are you gonna do now?"
	"I'll probably go home and do some homework as well," I stood back
up, "I will see you guys whenever you drop by, OK?"
	"Will do," Lance said, "You take care of yourself, ya hear."
	I laughed, "I will."
	"Hey Mano," Justin spoke.
	"Yeah?"
	"Since this is our last day and all...I was wondering if..." he
trailed off.
	"If I showed you the rest of the city," I finished and he smiled,
"It would be a pleasure to."
	Justin stood up, "Catch you later, Lance."
	"Sure no problem," he replied, "Be sure to come back early cause
we're leaving like at 6 in the morning."
	"Awe man," he griped, "Let's go," Justin spoke to me.
	"Bye Lance," I waved.
	"Bye," he answered.
	"Where are we headed?" Justin asked me as we stepped out of the
hotel.
	"Have you ridden in a carriage before?"
	"No..." he replied hesitantly, "Why?"
	"You'll see..." I smiled evilly at him.
	"I don't know about this," he sarcastically said.
	I dragged him by the arm and we walked towards the Ferry Building.
	"Now all we have to do is wait."
	"Wait for what?"
	"The stagecoach, duh?" I laughed.
	"Oh," he laughed as well.
	We didn't have to wait very long because the coach arrived every
hour and it was getting close to 4.
	"There's one now," I pointed.

	The coach was fairly large and was drawn by two magnificent brown
horses.  The driver pulled up next to us and hopped off his seat.  He
opened the door and Justin stepped inside.  Then I followed him in and
the driver closed the door behind me.

	"This is way cool," Justin smiled.
	"Told you," I smiled back.
	"Like I said," he responded looking around the carriage, "You
should tell us where to go."
	"Okay then...I'll point out all the places where this ride is
gonna pass."

	The ride was fairly smooth.  The rhymical clacking of the horses
as well as the wheels turning made this ride a serene one.  We passed by
the wharf, diners, clubs, buildings, you name it.  Justin kept sticking
his head out the "window" and I had to keep pulling him back in.  I told
him that the police around here is very strict and that he could be
fined.
	He laughed at the idea and just kept sticking his head out.  I
ignored him and kept pointing out the buildings.  The ride consisted of
going all the way along the pier up to Fisherman's Wharf, then past the
Aquatic Park, and through Ghirardelli Square.  We took a stop at Fort
Mason to look around a bit and to stretch our legs.

	"This is a great place," as Justin breathed in the ocean breeze.
	"I guess so," I nodded, "I guess I am lucky to live here."
	"Maybe I should move out here?" he laughed.
	"I wouldn't mind," I agreed with him.

	We stepped back into the carriage and headed off towards the
Presidio.  The carriage passed by all of the lush eucalyptus trees,
which were swaying in the wind, as well as the green rolling hills.
Justin and I chatted about the barracks and how all of them looked so
much alike.  Had a very good time during the ride.  The sun was about to
set over the water and Justin decided to head back to the hotel.
	I agreed and instead of taking the coach back to the hotel, we
hailed a cab.  The cab ride was much quicker and the carriage.  Instead
of taking another hour or so..it was like only 10 minutes.  The cars
winded down and not too many people were about.  We reached the hotel
and stepped into the lobby.

	"Thanks for the tour," Justin said as we headed towards the
elevators.
	"Hey, it was my pleasure," I smiled at him, "If you're ever around
the area, just give me a holler."
	"Don't worry I will," the elevator opened, "Want to escort me to
the room?"
	I shrugged my shoulders, "Sure."
	We stepped in and I pushed the button, "Where's your next
destination?"
	"Well, we got another change and the next stop will be Las Vegas."
	"That is so cool," I sounded jealous, "I wish I was going."
	Justin perked up, "Why don't you?"
	"Me?" I looked at him shocked, "Yeah right...and besides, I still
need to finish school."
	He sighed, "It was worth a try."
	The doors opened and we headed to Justin's room.
	"Who knows, if you swing by this summer, maybe I can go with you
guys," I tried to cheer him up.
	He smiled, "I'd like that."
	We jabbered some more while walking towards the room.
	"Well...this is it," I sighed.
	"Hopefully not the last time," he said.
	I gave him a deep hug, "I hope so too."
	"Don't worry, we'll make sure it won't be," Justin hugged deeply
and broke away.
	He opened the door and stepped it, "Bye."
	"Bye," I replied and he closed the door.

	I looked at the door for a minute and looked down on the floor.  I
am gonna miss these guys even though they were crazy and all.  They are
so much fun to be around, I couldn't bear to think that they were
leaving tomorrow morning.  It was only 7 PM and the sun had set below
the horizon.  I reluctantly headed towards the elevators.

	"Mano..." a soft voice came from behind me.
	I stopped and turned around, "JC?"
	JC was dressed in a light blue turtle-neck shirt, black pants, and
his bomber jacket.
	"Umm Mano?" he hesitantly said.
	"Yeah.." equally hesitant.
	"I'm sorry about earlier and I was wondering if...umm..." he
looked at the ground.
	"I'd love to," I smiled.
	I walked over to him and took him by the arm., "Come on, you slow-
poke," I joked.
	He laughed a little, "OK, OK, no need to rush."
	"Well you are leaving tomorrow morning," I stated, "I don't want
you to over-sleep."
	"Good point," he agreed.

	We stepped into the elevator and headed down to the lobby.  My
stomach growled pretty loudly.  I never had a chance to eat breakfast or
lunch and it was almost dinner.  Apparently JC heard this.

	"Looks like you're hungry," he laughed.
	"I didn't get a chance to eat during the tour."
	"OK then.  We'll eat first."
	"Sounds good to me."
	"Where do you want to eat?" he asked me.
	"I don't want to go to the Hard Rock," I sarcastically said, "The
WaterFront is pretty close.  We should go there."
	"What do they serve?"
	"Mostly seafood stuff and the occasional meat by-products."
	"Sounds...appetizing," he replied as we stepped out of the
elevator.
	"It's not far from here.  It's actually right next to the Ferry
Building," I commented as we left the hotel.
	"That makes it convenient," he smiled.

	By the time the sun had set, cars were sparse and the people were
scattered.  It was a perfect opportunity to go romping around the city
without too much of a hassle.  We reached the place, but to my dismay,
it was fairly crowded.

	"I don't think we'll be able to get in," I sighed.
	"Yeah, I see what you mean," he looked around the place.
	"Let's go to the plaza and just get come clam chowder," I
suggested.
	"Are you sure?  I mean I could wait if you want."
	"It's ok...I'm starving," I exaggerated.
	He laughed and we crossed back the street and ordered some clam
chowder in a bread bowl.
	"This is neat," he said, "You can eat everything."
	"Try not to eat the spoon too," he laughed.

	The meal was a fairly quick and quiet one.  I sort of knew what
was on his mind, but I wasn't so sure.  I noticed that he kept looking
at me every chance he got.  I was a little embarrassed, but I shouldn't
be.  When the dinner was over, I paid the tab and we left the place.

	"Anywhere in particular you want to see?" I asked him.
	"No...no really," he smiled, "As long as you're with me, I don't
mind."
	I blushed heavily, "Ok..." I thought for a minute, "I know. Come
on."
	I grabbed JC's arm and we headed to the nearest rent-a-car place.
I talked the guy into letting me rent a Pathfinder for the night.  When
everything was set, I hopped in the seat and drove along the winding
roads.
	"Where are we going?" JC asked.
	"You'll see.  You're gonna love it."

	I drove along the roads and through the semi-crowded streets.  It
was pretty dark and the sky was clear.  You could see the stars
twinkling overhead.  I managed to get up the mountain and through the
confusing road.  I parked the car on the side of the road.

	"Here we are," I said as I turned off the engine.
	JC looked out and was amazed, "This is so beautiful."
	"Yup.  I think so too."
	JC and I stepped out of the vehicle and sat down on the grass,
"The city lights sparkle at night," he commented.
	"You can see everything from here.  The bridge is over there as
well as the pyramid," as I pointed to everything.

	The place was cold and I didn't bring my jacket.  JC lovingly
wrapped his arms around me and hugged deeply.  I could smell the faint
trace of cologne he was wearing.  The warmth of his body put me at ease.

	"Have you made up your mind?" I softly spoke.
	I looked up at him and saw his eyes sparkling from the lights of
city.  He leaned over and placed his warm, tender lips onto mine.  After
a minute or so, he broke away.
	"Does that answer your question?" he smiled.
	I hugged him tighter.  A tear rolled down my cheek, "Yes...yes it
does.  I love you so much."
	"I love you too," he softly spoke as he cradled me in his arms.
	"Can this work?" I asked, "Will this work?"
	"I don't know...But I hope it does."
	I broke away from his hold and looked him into his eyes, "What are
you going to do with the rest of the guys?"
	He looked down, "I don't know..."
	"Are you going to tell them?"
	"Eventually...But not now," he looked back up, "I'm...I'm...I'm
scared."
	"I know you are," I wrapped my arms around him, "Remember that I
will always be by your side."
	"I know...I know..." he gently stroked my hair.
	"I wish this night will never end," I sighed, "But I know that you
are leaving and I'm gonna miss you so much."
	"I'm gonna miss you too, but don't worry...We'll see each other
again...I promise," he softly kissed me again.

	He held me in his arms while we looked around the city.  He would
put his head on my shoulder just like when we were at the zoo.  For the
first time in a long time, I was finally content.  I had everything I
needed.  We stayed in each other's arms until half of the city's lights
turned off.  I knew that it was time to go.......


Chapter 16: Nearsighted


	"JC!" Lance yelled as he pounded the door, "JC, let's go!"
	"Alright already!" he yelled back, "Let me get my suitcases!"
	"OK.  Be downstairs in 10 minutes," Lance commanded as he walked
towards the elevator.

	JC took one last look outside at the greenish-blue waters of the
bay.  He let out a small sigh and picked up his bags.  JC opened the
door and quietly made his way to the elevator and down to the lobby.
The elevator reached the lobby and the doors slid open.

	"Took you long enough," Chris laughed.
	"Sorry about that," he said as he walked towards the guys, "I had
trouble packing."
	"You? Trouble packing?" Joey said amazed, "I thought that you and
Lance were the first ones finished packing?"
	"It's just one of those days," he shrugged, "Let's go."
	"Hey Scoop," Justin spoke, "What are we gonna do in Las Vegas
besides the concert."
	"Let's see," Lance pulled out his planner, "When we get there,
there's gonna be a short interview, some food, sound check, show, then
another interview the next morning."
	"Sounds normal enough," Justin replied.
	"Hey that reminds me," Joey perked up, "Is there any way we can
stop my Mano's house?"  JC snapped to attention.
	Chris looked at him for a second, "What's up Joey?"
	"I wanted to give him a little send off gift before we leave,"
Joey replied.
	Lance looked at his watch, "Sorry Joey, but we're already late by
an hour.  I wanted to go to his house as well to say good-bye," JC
drooped back down.
	"Oh well," Joey shrugged his shoulders, "It was a thought."

	The guys left the lobby and hopped onto the waiting tour bus.
There were fans lined up along the sidewalk trying to get a picture or
autograph of them.  Of course the guys waved and smiled at their fans.
Soon everyone was in the bus and put away their luggage in the proper
compartments.  JC went straight to his bunk to get some more sleep.
Chris and Joey were in the back lounge playing some video game and Lance
and Justin were up front in the kitchen area.  The bus roared on and it
slowly lurched forward.  Once in motion, the bus headed towards their
next destination, Las Vegas.
	Lance looked in his planner to see if there were any more
adjustments to their already altered schedule.  Justin pulled out the
folder containing all of the video concept sketches that I gave him.  He
meticulously looked over the sketches trying to envision how it would
tie into the song it was drawn for.  Lance looked over the planner and
was curious on what Justin was looking so intently at.

	"What are those?" he asked.
	"These are video sketches that Mano drew for our album," Justin
kept looking through the sketches.
	"Really?" Lance put down the planner, "He did all this for us?"
	Justin nodded his head, "Yeah...He did a very good job at it too."
	"Can I see some?" Lance eagerly asked.
	Justin handed him the last half of the stack and both of them
stared intently at the drawings.
	"He really has talent," Lance commented, "I wish I could draw like
this."
	"No kidding.  But what I want to know is how does he come up with
the ideas," Justin scratching his head.
	"I don't know, but no matter how he does it, it's so awesome."

	Justin nodded in agreement and both of them continued looking
through the papers.  Lance flipped through the stack and came across
something which didn't belong with the rest of the drawings.  He looked
puzzled at first at the sketch.  It was a drawing of a guy who Lance
didn't recognize, but knew that I had drawn it.  The drawing had no
indication of who the person was.  It didn't make much sense to Lance.

	"Justin," he said and Justin looked up, "Do you know what this
picture is supposed to be?"
	Lance handed the sketch to him and he looked at it just as
intently as the others.
	"Where'd you find this?" Justin asked.
	"It was in the stack you gave me.  Do you know who he is?"
	Justin shook his head, "Nope...Never seen the face before."
	"Does Mano know who he is?"
	"Most likely, or else he wouldn't have drawn it," Justin put the
sketch on the table.
	Lance looked at it one more time and his eyes locked onto
something that was drawn.
	Justin noticed, "Lance, what do you see?"
	"I...I'm not sure," he looked at Justin, "What does that look to
you?" he pointed at the picture.
	Justin quickly glanced at it, "Yeah...so. It's a necklace."
	"Yeah, but what kind of necklace?"
	Justin peered closer.  Then his jaw dropped, "It's a wreath with a
letter `R' in the middle."
	"Like the one Mano was wearing, right?" he said hesitantly.
	Justin nodded his head, "Who...who is he?"
	"I dunno," Lance shrugged his shoulders, "His boyfriend?" Lance
recoiled at what he just said.
	"His WHAT!" Justin barked.
	"Shhhh...Please Justin..." Lance pleaded, "Please calm down."
	"Mano's...gay?" he softly whispered.
	Lance reached across the table and put his hand on Justin's arm,
"Please don't hate him," Lance begged, "It's not his fault.  He was
gonna tell us when the time was right, but he was afraid to lose the
friendship that he built with us."
	Justin just sat there still looking at the picture.  Not in anger
or shock, but more of confusion.
	"Don't think less of him.  He's still your friend, isn't he?"
	Justin took a deep breath, "I guess...But I still don't understand
why he didn't tell us sooner."
	"I guess there was no need to," Lance removed his hand and sat
back down, "He was happy hanging with us that it didn't matter."
	"You're probably right," Justin looked Lance straight in the eyes,
"How did you know that he was gay?"
	Lance didn't say anything at first, "He kinda mentioned it while
we were talking..." he said slowly.
	"I see..." Justin nodded his head.
	"Please don't tell anyone else," Lance begged, "I told him that I
wouldn't tell anyone."
	"I understand," Justin replied and stared at the table, "I won't
say anything."
	"Thanks."

	Justin just shrugged his shoulders and Lance frowned while he
resumed looking through the sketches.  Lance felt guilty about blurting
out the secret.  It was an accident, but he still felt bad about it.
Justin just sat and stared out the window not looking at anything in
particular.  He looked at the vineyards which lined the road as well as
the Sierras which loomed in the far distance.  He sighed and stood up.
Justin walked away from the table and headed towards the back lounge.
Lance followed him with his eyes until he was out of sight.  Lance was
very worried that Justin is going to tell the guys, but it's out of his
hands.
	Justin walked through the bus being careful not to bump into the
walls.  The bus had a habit of being rough during the long trips.  He
saw Chris and Joey still playing and he decided to sit on the couch next
to the window.  He grabbed his CD player from the table and put it on.
He didn't care what was on, as long as his head was occupied, it didn't
matter.

	"You're weak!" Joey bellowed at Chris.
	"At least I don't cheat," Chris replied.
	"Who me?"
	"I bet if you didn't do those moves, you couldn't beat me."
	"Well, doing those moves is not cheating.  You just don't know how
to pull it off."
	"Yeah...right."
	They continued playing their game for a little while longer.
Chris noticed Justin staring blankly out the window.
	"Hey Joey," Chris whispered.
	"Yeah?" he whispered back.
	"What's wrong with Just?"
	Joey slowly peered over his shoulder, "I don't know...but I don't
like it."
	"Me either...I don't want this to happen again."
	Joey nodded, "You want to talk to him or should I?"
	"I think you should.  I'm not good at these kinds of things," Joey
nodded.

	They stopped playing the game and shut off the TV.  Chris got off
the floor and headed to the kitchen.  Joey sat near Justin looking at
some papers on the table.

	"Justin," Joey spoke, but Justin didn't answer, "Hey Justin," Joey
said again and waved his hand in front of him.
	Justin was startled and took off the headphone, "Oh sorry about
that Joey," he looked at him, "What's up?"
	"You," Joey looked straight into Justin.
	"Uh...me?" sounding confused.
	"Don't lie...You're never the one to lie," Joey said bluntly,
"Something is bothering you and I want to help."
	"Well..." Justin looked down at the floor.
	"I'm here for you bro...what's wrong," Joey scooted closer.
	"Umm...I guess it's one of those days that I'm having..I guess."
	"PMS?" Joey asked.
	Justin looked at him and threw a cushion at Joey and started
laughing, "You are so stupid."
	Joey laughed as well, "What?  Me?  You said it was one of those
days."
	"Please," he rolled his eyes back, "If I really had PMS, I would
have smacked you across the bus."
	"You wanna try?" enticing Justin.
	"That's it, you're gonna get it!"

	Justin vaulted at Joey and they both rolled across the floor.
They were laughing and trying to pin each other on the floor.  They made
quite a mess.  They knocked over a small table and papers littered the
floor.  When Joey broke free, he grabbed a cushion and flung it at
Justin.  The cushion smacked squarely at his face.  Justin retaliated by
throwing the same cushion back at him.  They kept going for some quite
some time.  JC slowly walked to the back lounge.

	"Can't anyone get some sleep around here?" he sleepily said.
	Justin and Joey stopped wrestling.  They were sweating and
breathing pretty hard.
	"Sorry bout that," Justin puffed.
	"Yeah..We got carried away a little," Joey added.
	"It's OK," JC yawned, "I was gonna wake up anyway."
	"You look beat," Joey commented, "What did you do?"
	"I was exploring the San Fran before we left," JC replied.
	"You must have stayed up pretty late."
	"Pretty much.  I'm gonna go check with Lance bout the next stop,"
JC left the lounged and walked towards where Lance and Chris were.
	Justin got off the floor and stretched, "I'm gonna catch some Zs."
	"OK..And I'll just clean this place up," Joey looked around.
	Justin laughed and slipped into his bunk.  Within a minute, Justin
was lightly sleeping under the covers.
	JC walked into the kitchen area, opened the mini-fridge and pulled
out some water.
	"Hey guys," he said as he sat next to Lance.
	"S `up," Chris said.
	"Hey," Lance spoke.
	"What's going on?" JC asked.
	"Nothing much," Lance replied, "We're just looking at the sketches
at Mano drew for us."
	"Yeah...They look pretty good," Chris commented as he flipped
through the pages, "I wonder if the execs will let us use the ideas?"
	"I think we could convince them," JC said, "I know they're pretty
good looking."
	Lance turned towards him, "You saw these already?"
	"Yeah.  Mano showed them to me during his prom.  He was supposed
to give them to me so I can show them to you guys, but I guess he took
them back."
	"Ahhh," Chris said.
	"What?" JC looked at him.
	"This one is really cool," Chris flipped over the picture.
	The sketch depicted a mother playing with her child and near the
bottom, the title was "God Must Have Spent A Little More Time."
	"That is so sweet," JC looked at the sketch, "I think the execs
will definitely give us the go."
	"I agree," Lance looked at it as well, "We've gotta use these
sketches."
	"I'll look at the other sketches later," Chris go off the seat, "I
want to beat Joey up some more."
	"Hahaha...Good luck cause you're gonna needed it," JC commented.
	"Funny...very funny," Chris left the kitchen.
	"Any plans once we get there?" JC asked Lance.
	"It's the same old thing...No surprises," Lance handed him his
planner.
	JC opened it and looked through the dates, "You're right...no
surprises."

	Lance nodded and continued looking through the sketches.  JC
closed the planner and turned to look at Lance.  He noticed the short
spiky blonde hair of his.  He carefully examined the features of his
nose as well as his cheek.  JC also caught a glimpse of Lance's light
green eyes.   Memories flooded of all the good times they had been
through.  JC just sat there smiling looking at Lance.
	Lance, noticing the sudden silence, looked to where JC was.  He
was surprised to see that JC was looking straight at him.  Lance froze
on the spot no knowing what to do.  After a few seconds, Lance noticed
that JC wasn't responding.

	"JC," Lance shook him a little, "Yo JC."
	JC blinked a couple of times, "Oh..oops sorry.  Just daydreaming,"
he smiled.
	"About what?" asking hesitantly.
	"About all the fun times we had and how stubborn you were not
joining the group," he laughed.
	Lance laughed too, "Lucky for me you guys are very persuasive."
	JC smiled, "I'll just go chill in the lounge for a while and see
what the other guys are doing.  Catch you later."
	"OK..see ya."
	JC left the kitchen to join the noisy group in the back.  Lance
sat in the seat staring out the window.
	`Is that all he was thinking about?' he thought.

	The road trip was long and boring as usual, but the guys managed
to keep themselves occupied during the trip.  Whether it was pillow
fights to playing cards, they were constantly doing something.  Six
hours later, they arrived at their destination.  The trip would have
been shorter, but Lance insisted that they stop and hike a while up the
mountains.  It wasn't quite summer yet, so the place was full of trees
which coated the mountainside.  When the bus stopped the hotel, everyone
hurriedly got off.

	"Whoo hoo!" Joey yelled, "Finally off that bus."
	Chris jumped on his back, "Hahaha...no kidding."
	"Hey, hey," Lance said, "There'll be plenty time for that later.
Right now we have an interview to do in thirty minutes."
	"That means we get ourselves settled in and ready," JC added.
	They entered the Hilton's front doors.
	"I'll go get the keys.  Don't move, I'll be back," Justin said as
he walked to the front desk.

	It wasn't long until Justin came back with the keycards for their
rooms.  They had the sixth floor reserved for them and staff.  Everyone
went up the elevator with their carry-on and headed to their rooms.  The
group took about 15 minutes to get dressed and prepare for the
interview.  As usual, JC and Lance were the first ones done and they
were already down at the lobby.

	"Do we have any free time while we're here?" JC asked.
	"We have about an hour and a half in-between sound check and this
interview," Lance said as he looked at the planner.
	"Cool," JC smiled, "Wanna explore the place?"
	Lance thought about it for a minute, "Sure, but remember, I can't
gamble."
	"Who said anything about gambling," JC laughed, "Circus Circus is
just a block away from here and I know that you need to finish your
collection."
	Lance laughed at his remark, "It is easier to buy them than to win
them."
	"What's the fun in that?  We're in Vegas and taking risks is what
this place is all about."
	Lance shook his head, "OK OK, stop with the nagging...You got me.
I'll go with ya."
	"I knew you couldn't say no," Lance snickered, "Besides, I haven't
chilled with you for a while."
	"Same here," Lance slightly blushed.
	The elevators chimed open and the rest of the guys stepped out.
	"Took you guys long enough," Lance crossed his arms, "If you guys
don't step up we're gonna be late."
	"Calm down Scoop," Justin soothed him, "We'll hurry just for you."
	Everyone laughed and Lance rolled his head back.

	A limo was waiting for them out in front of the hotel.  They all
piled up and chatted about what they are gonna do during the interview.
They also chatted about Vegas and what they were going to do after the
performance.  The ride was a slow one because of the massive amounts of
cars on the road.  After all, this was Vegas and people are drawn to it
like a magnet.
	The limo driver knew the roads inside and out, so the drive to the
radio station took only twelve minutes.  They guys flopped out of the
limo trying to be on time.  When they reached the radio booth, they were
exactly on time.  The DJ joked about how worried everybody was.  Chris
and Joey joked back at the DJ about everything.
	The interview was the standard radio thing with the basic
questions.  There was even a viewer call-in so the audience could ask
questions about the guys, no matter how silly the questions were.  The
guys joked and laughed about everything and the radio crew had a good
time as well.  Of course, the final question was if everybody was
single.  All of the guys answered in unison, "Yes," and JC commented
that they all loved to date.
	The interview wound down and everybody headed back to the limo.
Again, the drive was relatively quick.  Justin, Chris, and Joey headed
back to their rooms so they can get rested for later.  JC and Lance
stayed back in the lobby.

	"Ready to go?" JC asked.
	"Sure."
	They headed out the door and slowly walked towards the casino.
The sun was still prominent in the sky, but it wasn't as hot as before.
	"Have you vacationed here before?" JC spoke up.
	"Nope...I usually go tropical instead of the desert."
	"Me either.  I guess this is something that we have in common as
well."
	Lance laughed a little, "Yeah...suppose you're right," Lance
looked at his watch, "You know, we should hurry up a little.  We don't
have much time to have fun."
	"Right!" JC smiled, "We should pick up the pace."

	This time they hurried along the streets, bobbing and weaving
through the thick mass of people.  They reached the entrance and JC
opened the door and let Lance go through first.  They went up the
escalator so that they could go to the gaming area.   They finally
reached it and looked around for a game so that they could win something
good.
	Lance spotted this horse racing game where you would roll the ball
towards holes on the other end.  Each hole represented a different
number and that number corresponds to the number of steps each horse
would travel.  Lance sat on one end and JC was next to him.  They played
a couple of times, but kept losing to a kid who was sitting on the other
side.  They gave up playing and looked for another game.

	"This is nice," Lance commented.
	"Yeah..a lot of things to do," JC added.
	"Plus, no one seems to recognize us."
	"Hmmm...Probably because there's a lot of people here."
	"Guess you're right," Lance shrugged, "Hey, let's try that one
over there," he pointed to a game.
	JC laughed, "I should have known."

	They walked over to a game where you had laser rifles.  The rifles
looked ordinary, but instead of shooting bullets, it pulsed out a beam
of light.  Lance wanted to try out his marksmanship while JC passed.  JC
didn't mind guns all that much, but didn't care to shoot with them
either.  Lance fired ten shots and only managed to hit five targets.

	JC laughed, "I thought you were good at this sort of stuff."
	"These things are aligned properly," Lance complained.
	"Yeah right.  Let's go somewhere else."
	"OK.  Where to?"

	JC looked around and saw something which might be fun to do.  He
lead the way and wound up in a room full of plastic balls.  No one was
in there so it would be cool just to goof off.

	"Here?" Lance questioned.
	"Oh come on," JC pulled off his shoes, "Didn't you play in one
when you were a kid?"
	"Yes I did, but I think I'm kinda big for this."
	"Whatever," JC jumped in and disappeared in the sea of colorful
spheres.
	"Oh what the hell," Lance shrugged, kicked of his shoes and jumped
in.

	He too disappeared in the sea and started to move around.  All you
could see were two mounds moving about, it looked like a Bugs Bunny
cartoon.  Lance popped his head up to see where JC was.  He scanned the
entire area, but couldn't spot him.

	"Hey JC, where are you?" Lance said.  There was no answer, "Come
on JC.  We're gonna be late."  Still no answer.
	Just then, JC grabbed Lance from behind and they both fell
backwards.  Lance broke free of the hold and rolled on top of JC.
	"Gotcha," JC smiled, "Scared you didn't I?"
	"Damn right you did," Lance smiled, "Good one though."

	They locked into each other's eyes and just stayed there
motionless for what seem like a long time.  They were lost in each
other.  Lance unknowingly started to sift JC's hair in-between his
fingers.  JC didn't do anything at first, but let him gently stroke his
hair for a little bit.  Lance stopped and realized what he was doing.
He jerked his hand back quickly got off of JC.

	"Umm..Guess it's time to go," Lance quickly got out of the room
and quickly put back on his shoes.
	JC was still lying down confused at what Lance was doing and his
sudden reaction, `Was that it?' he thought to himself, `Was that why he
was out of it?'

	JC didn't say a word and got up as well.  He went to where his
shoes were and slipped them on.  They left the place and headed back to
their hotel.  Neither of them wanted to speak for they were afraid of
what could happen.  Lance was still warm, but not from the wind or
temperature, but from that moment he was stroking JC's hair.
	They finally reached the hotel and both of them headed towards
their room to get ready for tonight.  Lance and JC had other things on
their mind, but neither of them wanted to share it with anyone else.
Confused, frightened, shocked, they just blocked it out of their minds
and hoped it would disappear in time.
	


	It's been two weeks since I had seen JC and the rest of the guys.
I had graduated high school with full honors.  I wasn't valedictorian or
anything, but I was treated like one.  I had already sent out
applications to the various universities I wanted to attend, but none of
them had gotten back to me.  I guess it was still too early for them to
give back a response.
	I have been working part time as an assistant for the theatre for
a while now and I've gotten to know the people there.  Once you get past
their suspicious attitude towards you, they are pretty cool people.
Though I kinda get a little weary about their attitude towards other
people.  They seem not to let people get the benefit of the doubt most
of the time.  I shouldn't complain because they have their views and I
have my own.
	I was sitting at home just doodling when the phone rang.  It was
probably another annoying tele-marketer or something.  Hated those
companies.  Can't they take no for an answer.  I put down the pencil and
went to answer the phone.

	"Hello?" I spoke.
	"Hi.  May I speak to Mano please," a familiar voice echoed.
	After a couple seconds I realized who it was, "Oh my God!  How've
you been!"
	"Hahaha.  Missed us that much," he joked.
	"You're damn right I miss you guys," I sat on the couch, "So how's
everything?  How's the tour coming along."
	"Everything's been hectic lately," he said exasperatedly.
	"Oh?  How so?"
"Well, we did ten days of straight performances and instead of taking
the bus, we were flown from city to city."
	"Gee,  I didn't know it was that rough."
	"It's not supposed to be, but the execs are trying to make us
hurry so we can back to Orlando."
	"Why?  I thought the tour was fairly successful."
	"It is, but they want us to put out our next single as well as the
new video."
	"New video? Hmmm... Which one is it?"
	"You'll see..."
	"Awe come on...please," I begged.
	"Hahaha.  It's gonna be a surprise."
	"You know that I hate surprises."
	"Yes I do...That's why it's a surprise."
	"OK fine...So how's everybody doing."
	"Justin's been sleeping a lot.  I don't blame him though.  Lance
has been quiet as well, but he's up to his neck in management papers.
Hmm..Oh, JC has been hyper-active lately and...."
	"Wait, huh?  Hyper-active?" I asked confused.
	"Yeah...every city we've been to, he's dated a chick from one of
the Meet and Greet sessions."
	"He....has?" I softly spoke.
	"Pretty funny actually.  I never knew that he did that sort of
thing," he laughed on the other end.
	I forced a small laugh, "Yeah...I wouldn't have imagined that
either."
	"Oh Mano."
	"Yeah."
	"You finished school right?"
	"Yeah."
	"Cool, will you be able to swing around Orlando for maybe a week
or so.  All of us would love for you to come."
	"Umm...I don't know.  I've got to see about my schedule."
	"OK..No pressure.  I was just wondering."
	"Thanks for the offer, but I've been occupied with college stuff
right now."
	"I see.  Huh?  Oh, I hope I can talk to you later, I'm gonna be
late with rehearsals."
	"Okay, I'll talk to you later then."
	"OK, c ya," and the phone clicked.
	I slowly put back the receiver.
	"He's...dating..." I slowly whispered, "Then why did he say that
he loved me?  But...why?"

	I was upset at JC, but I had to know for sure.  This could all be
just a rumor and a big misunderstanding.  Or maybe the execs put him up
to it for publicity or something.  I've fought being alone for so long
that I'm not going to give up.  I have to believe that he still loves
me.  But there was that doubt lingering in the back of my head that
keeps saying that I was being used.  That JC could have whatever he
wanted and don't give a shit about me.
	I fought the tears long and hard.  I didn't want to believe
it...it was all in my head.  Probably when I go to Orlando, I'll learn
the truth straight from JC.  But still...that feeling that I have.  Then
I realized that he had never called me since we parted.  I started to
get depressed even more.  I had to do something to keep myself from
losing it completely. I tore out a page from my sketchbook and just
started to jot down things.  Words, poems, sentences, things with no
meaning.  Then I started to write down a song.  I was surprised that I
was composing a song...


	You are my fire...The one desire...
	Believe when I say...I want it that way....
	But we...Are two worlds apart...
	Can't reach to your heart....When you say...
	That I want it that way...

	Tell me why...Ain't nothing but a heartache...
	Tell me why...Ain't nothing but a mistake...
	Tell me why...I never want to hear you say...
	I want it that way...

	Am I...Your fire...
	Your one...Desire...
	Desire...It's too late...
	But I want it that way.

	Tell me why...Ain't nothing but a heartache...
	Tell me why...Ain't nothing but a mistake...
	Tell me why...I never want to hear you say...
	I want it that way...

	Now I can see that we've fallen apart...
	From the way that it used to be...
	No matter the distance...
	I want you to know...
	That deep down inside of me...
	You are my fire...The one desire...
	You are, you are, you are.......

	Don't want to hear you say...
	Ain't nothing but a heartache...
	Ain't nothing but a mistake...
	I never want to hear you say...
	I want it that way...

	Tell me why...Ain't nothing but a heartache...
	Tell me why...Ain't nothing but a mistake...
	Tell me why...I never want to hear you say...
	I want it that way...

	Tell me why.....


	I finished the song and put my head down on the table with my arms
folded over it.  I cried myself to sleep on the table that day......