Date: Thu, 26 Aug 1999 17:37:34 -0700 (PDT)
From: tumbler99@yahoo.com
Subject: "'N SYNC Savior - Part 13"

Note: This is a complete work of fiction.  I am not implying that any
character within this story is gay or bisexual.  This is just my
fantasy, so let me have it!!!  I'm planning on making this a continuing
plot, with twists and turns and everything else thrown in.  So please,
don't be afraid to send any comments my way.  Since I've never been to
New York I may need a little help with some scenery and stuff.  Please
e-mail me at tumbler99@yahoo.com


'N SYNC Savior

Chapter Thirteen

	Lance called up to the driver and asked him to find a Greek restaurant
as everyone sat back and relaxed.  I started to moan a little and
Justin sat upright.  JC slowly stroked my hair and rubbed my arm as I
quieted down.
	"I don't think that was anything," he whispered.  "It would have been
a lot louder if it was a real nightmare."  Justin sat back down and
closed his eyes as JC looked over at him.  He didn't want to, but the
pangs of jealousy shot up inside him.  "But this was Curly," he
thought, "a guy you've known for years.  He's not trying to steal Matt
from you."  He tried to convince himself as he continued to hold me.
"Besides, it doesn't matter anyway.  Matt's with you and he's told you
that he's not interested in Justin.  It's all in your imagination."  He
slowly closed his eyes and slowed his breathing.

	Justin opened his eyes and looked over at me as I slept.  Longing
filled his eyes as he stared into my sleeping face.  He glanced quickly
at JC as soon as he realized his mistake.  But his eyes were closed and
he hadn't been caught.  He dropped his gaze back down and let out a
sigh.  What was he going to do?

	The limo pulled into the front of the hotel and JC immediately got
worried.  Lance looked over at him and quickly understood.
	"How are we going to get Matt in the hotel, guys?  I can't just carry
him over my shoulder."
	They stayed in the safety of the tinted windows as the thought through
the problem.  JC was getting angry at himself because he couldn't think
of a simple solution.  Lance was also getting frustrated with himself.
Finally Justin piped up.
	"Why don't you three go into the lobby and I'll stay out here with
Matt.  Then I can have the driver go around back.  None of the girls
will think to follow an empty limo."  Chris looked over at Justin and
smiled.
	"Wow, Curly had a good idea - for once!!"  Everyone laughed except for
JC.  He was staring at Justin's face, trying to read something into his
words.  But as much as he tried he couldn't find anything.  He finally
sighed and agreed to the plan.  Besides, what could possibly happen?

	Chris quickly opened the door and headed into the lobby.  Lance
followed with the food while JC looked lovingly down at my sleeping
form.  He leaned over my ear and whispered quietly.  "I'll miss you, my
love."  He looked over at Justin and spoke louder.  "I hope this works
Just."
	"It will, don't worry," he said while nodding his head.  "Now get out
there before they start screaming any louder."
	He exited the limo quickly and ran through the lobby.  He felt hands
over his body and was ready to scream.  Lately he was getting sick of
the fans, it seemed.  Every city they stopped in, every concert they
put on, there were hundreds of young girls just screaming their heads
off.  He loved the attention, and the ability to perform for them, but
it wasn't enough anymore.  It wasn't like he could date any of them,
even if he was straight.  And they never left him alone.  He finally
made it to the elevator and let out a long sigh.  Chris looked at him
with a question in his eye.
	"You're not getting any wild ideas in your head, are you?"  Although
the question sounded like a joke JC immediately knew it wasn't.  Once
again Chris had hit the nail on the head.
	"No, I don't think so.  I'm just getting a little fed up with some
things.  But no wild ideas - yet.  We'll have to see how the week
goes."  The elevator lifted from the ground and they rode the rest of
the way in silence.

	The limo pulled away slowly, making sure there were no girls under the
tires.  The tinted window was now rolled down as Justin talked to the
driver.
	"Just drive around for awhile so they don't see the limo go into the
alley.  In about five minutes or so we can head to the service elevator
entrance and you can let Matt and I out there."  Justin smiled at
himself as he thought of the scene unfolding before him.  He had Matt
alone with him, and for a good 10 minutes, but what was he going to do?
 He moved back to the cushion near my head and lifted it into his lap.
He started stroking my hair as a melody escaped his lips.

	"Can this be true?
	Tell me can this be real?
	How can I put
	Into words what I feel?
	My life was complete
	I thought I was whole
	Why do I feel
	Like I'm losing control?"

	He felt the tear slip down his face as he finished the verse.  He
stared down into my face as he realized there was no need to go on.  He
couldn't have me - I was dating JC.  He couldn't love me - he had just
met me a day ago.  He closed his eyes as he looked up to the ceiling.
"God?  Why did you have to make me this way?  Was there a purpose?  Why
can't I just like the girls that throw themselves at me?"  The tears
were streaming faster now as the pity trip proceeded.  Slowly, though,
they subsided and he stopped stroking my hair.  He looked down at my
face as he wiped away the tears.  "It'll happen soon.  I'll find
someone as good as you - maybe even better."
	The limo pulled slowly to a stop and Justin started.  "Oh Jesus, I
gotta clean myself up or JC will get suspicious."  He quickly rubbed
his face and wiped away all traces of his tears.  He took a deep breath
and lightly touched my shoulder.
	"Matt?  Can you hear me?  It's time to get up for a second."

	JC was in his room, pacing the floor.  "Where the hell is he?  What's
taking him so long.  Jesus, he's trying to pull something over on me."
He was still pacing the floor when Lance and Chris walked in the room.
	"Oh, JC, stop.  You don't have to worry about anything," Lance
laughed.  "If I know Justin then he had the driver circle the block a
few times to draw away attention."  He sat down in the cushioned chair
and looked at JC closely for a second.  "Josh, I mean it, sit down," he
yelled.  As the tension was
raised in the room he realized he was overreacting.
	"I can't help it Lance.  He's doing something to me that I can't
explain.  It's not that I don't trust him - it's just that I want to be
by him as much as I can."  He sank onto the bed as the smile finally
took over.  "I think I'm falling in love guys."
	Chris let out a little laugh as if this was news to him.  "Well it's
nice to know that you're finally being truthful with yourself!!  We've
been noticing it since before the restaurant!"  He smiled gently and
lovingly as he continued.  "But you have nothing to worry about - he'll
be back any minute."

	"What?  Where am I," I mumbled.  Suddenly I shot straight up, knocking
Justin in the chin with my hand.  "Get him away from me," I yelled.  I
was looking around the limo but I was seeing the darkened alley.
	"Shit," Justin yelled as he grabbed his chin lightly.  "The fucking
hurt...."  He quickly looked back over at me and quieted down.  "Matt,
it's me, Justin.  Calm down for a second and look at me."  I slowly
stopped moving as the world came into focus.
	"Oh my God," I whispered, seeing the blood on his chin.  "What did I
do?"  I reached out my hand gently and wiped away some of the blood.  I
reached for one of the tissues next to me and wiped the rest off.  "I'm
so incredibly sorry, Justin.  But you woke me up and I didn't know
where I was.  I was still thinking about the alley and all."
	As I finished cleaning him up I really looked around the limo.
"Wait," I started.  "Where is everyone?"  He looked down to his lap,
suddenly acting nervous.
	"Well we pulled up to the front of the hotel when we realized that we
had no way of getting you in.  We couldn't just pull away so I had the
other guys go in and had the driver pull around back with you.  I was
just waking you up so we could go through the service elevator."
	I could tell he was telling the truth but I could still here that hint
of nervousness in his voice.  "Well, I guess that was a good thing to
do.  Thank you for staying with me...." I trailed off.
	He quickly shook his head and opened the door.  "Don't worry about it
- lets just meet up with the rest of the guys.  Can you get out by
yourself?"  I nodded my head and smiled to let him know I was all
right.  Thoughts were flying through my head, though, and I needed some
time to think about them.  I
was remembering what had just happened in the alley with JC and earlier
with Lance and now there was this Justin thing to worry about.  I just
shook my head as I slowly stepped out.  Even though I had control
Justin grabbed me around the forearm to support me as I stood.  Once my
legs locked I let out a laugh.
	"Thank you.  You're a true gentlemen."  His eyes lit up as the words
slipped from my mouth and I immediately knew what was happening.
"Well, as much a gentlemen as one could expect from a young 18 year
old."  I started walking away from him as I heard him laugh.
	"You know, you're only 17, I wouldn't be talking.  You and I are more
alike than you and JC...." he caught himself as he realized what he had
said.  "Well, age-wise of course."  He quickly walked ahead of me and
entered the building.  I slowed my steps down to let him get ahead of
me and fall into his own private world - not that I didn't need to go
into my own.
	As I made my way down the hallway to the service elevator I focused my
attention on Justin.  It was obvious that he was developing a crush on
me, but how far would he take it?  I don't think he tried anything in
the limo, but how could I be positive?  I was completely out of it the
whole ride.  I looked at his body as he walked ahead of me.  Yes, he
had a great body - the dancing did him well - but it just wasn't the
same as JC's.  JC had the lean, toned body that I really adored.  He
had that beautiful face that I could stare into for hours at a time.
He had the hands that warmed mine whenever they were cold.  He had the
eyes that could pierce my walls and barriers and bring them down in an
instance.  Justin just wasn't the same.

	I made my way to the elevator and saw that he was holding it open for
me.  I quickened my pace and stopped next to him.  "Justin, I think we
need to talk," I started, nervous for the first time around him.  "I
think....I mean....Well....." the words weren't coming out, no matter
which way I approached them.  "What's the plan for today," I asked, the
only thing that came to mind.
     I could see the fear in his eyes diminish as he laughed.  "Well
Lance actually had this wonderful day all planned out but we were
waiting for you to wake up to decide.  We stopped by a Greek restaurant
on our way here and picked up some food and the guys were going to pick
out a few movies to watch.  But what we all really want to do is get
out of this boring hotel.  We were hoping you would take us
people-watching."  I could see the childish glee in his expressions.
"Will you?  Are you up for it?"
	I struck "The Thinker's" pose and held it for a second before
laughing.  "Of course I'm up for it.  Yes, I've had a hard day but I'm
feeling better by the minute.  But I definitely need some food before
we go anywhere."  The elevator dinged as we approached the 8th floor.
"Hey, what time is it anyway?  My watch was broken last night
during...."
	"Oh it's about noon right now," he broke in, cutting me off.  "I think
we have time for a movie before we head out so Joey can get back and
everyone can rest for awhile.  The....umm....activities of this morning
have taken a toll on everyone."
	"Yes, they sure did.  This whole week has taken a toll on me."  I
sighed as the elevator opened.  We made our way down the hall and
started immediately to JC's room.
	"I know they're in here," he remarked to my questioning gaze.  He
pushed open the door and everyone looked up.

	"Well looky who finally showed up to the party," Chris shouted with
fake glee.  "Now we can really have some fun!!"  I laughed as I saw
Chris do a little jig around the bed before grabbing Justin's hands and
pulling him into it.  Lance was laughing too but as I looked over at JC
I saw him staring at me.
	"Josh?  What's wrong?"  I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as
he slowly made his way to me.  "Josh?  Please, talk to me...."  The
room was quiet now as he reached for my hand.  Lifting them up to his
soft lips he touched them with a kiss.  I stared down, my face stilled
by shock.  He put his finger on my chin and slowly lifted it up.  His
face crooked to the side, fitting into mine as I closed my eyes.  His
moist lips touched mine as he leaned in towards me.  We were connecting
- becoming one.  He placed both of his hands on my face as he continued
to kiss me with passion.  Finally he broke the kiss and pulled away.

	My lips were still open but my eyes were closed.  My head was titled
back and seemed to be frozen.  He smiled as he grabbed my hand and led
me over to the bed.
	"Wow.  That was a welcome kiss if I've ever had one."  I whispered,
still barely able to breath.
	"You mean you've had others?"  He asked, jokingly.
	We sat on the bed and I leaned into his shoulder.  I closed my eyes as
I replayed the kiss once again in my head.

	"Well now that the lovebirds have said hello, can we eat??"  Chris
piped up.  Lance laughed as he started sitting out the food.  Justin
was sitting on the floor with a look of disappointment on his face.
Unfortunately no one noticed.  If only someone would have been
looking....

	The food was being devoured in a flash as we all chatted about little
things.  JC was staring at me the entire time and I just stared back at
him.  Every few minutes he would lean over to me to place his lips on
mine again.  Each kiss lasted longer than the previous one and finally
Lance was forced to throw a french fry at us.  I had to pull away -
I've never been able to kiss someone while laughing.  He leaned over
once again but this time whispered in my ear.  "We need to talk later
tonight.  I would like you to stay with me tonight."

	I looked into his eyes and felt the familiar strains of guilt build up
in my heart.  "Yeah, we do need to talk.  I have some things to tell
you that you may not like."  Concern immediately flashed through his
eyes as he pulled away slightly.  "Oh God, not like that Josh."  I
started.  "At least I hope not.  Just forget I mentioned anything until
later."  I dropped my head and slowly had another fry.
	"I don't think so Matt.  This sounds important."  He grabbed my hand
and stood up.  "Guys, we're going to go talk for awhile."  He looked
over at Lance.  "Can we use your room?"
	"Um...yeah, sure."  The three members of the group were silent as we
walked out of the room.  I gripped his hand tighter as the door closed
and I could feel him start to turn cold.  "Josh, it's really...."
	"Shhh...." he cut me off.  "Just wait till we get in the room."

	We walked across the hall and he opened the door with his key card.
He immediately dropped my hand and went to the chair as I sat on the
bed.
	"Now I have some good news for you Matt, but it sure as hell sounds
like you have some bad news for me.  And I don't want to hurt myself by
exposing my soul, only to have you shoot it down and dump me.  So I
think you should go first."
	I could feel the tension in the air and I was ready to cry.  "Please
Josh, just calm down and listen...."

	"What the hell was that," Justin whispered.
	"I've never seen JC look like that - he was positively crushed."
Lance remarked.
	"Guys, just calm down.  We have no idea what Matt has to tell him.  It
could be so small that we'll all laugh when we hear about it."
	"I don't think it's small Chris," Justin answered back.  "You saw the
look on his face."  As everyone quieted down and finished their gyros
Justin looked at the door.  As much as it killed him, he felt the joy
spread through his heart.  Maybe he would have a chance.

	"I didn't mean to make it sound like it did.  All I wanted....What I
was trying....Jesus why is this so hard."  I took a breath and closed
my eyes.  I pictured the beach, warm waves lapping at the sandy shore.
The image brought peace to me and the words started to flow from my
lips.  "I love you Josh.  I
think I can honestly say that.  Do you remember what I mumbled in the
alley?  That you were my savior?  It was true.  Adam didn't save me -
all he did was bring me to the hotel.  You were the one who opened my
heart with love.  You were the one who I've focused on for the past two
years.  You're my one, true savior."  The tears had finally started to
fall and as I lifted a hand to wipe at them I felt something in the
way.  I opened my eyes and looked up, seeing him standing in front of
me.  His thumb connected with my cheek as I saw him nod.  He still
looked sad and defeated though.
	"Go on.  Just say whatever is on your mind.  I can handle it."
	I slowly dropped my hand again, wishing I could hold his instead.  "I
really love you, but when you said you needed to talk to me, that you
wanted me to spend the night with you.  I just....I can't Josh.  I love
you so much but I made a pact to myself.  I promised myself that I
would wait until I met
that one person who made me feel like I was a prince.  The one person
who could look at me and know every single thing that was on my mind.
The one person who was my soul-mate.  I promised myself I would wait
until I met that one man who deserved the honor of taking my
virginity."  I was starting to get angry and it showed in my voice.
The tears were running faster as I continued.  "I promised myself this
and then that bastard Mark came and ruined it all.  He took everything
that I held dear and ripped it from my body.  He took my virginity, he
took my innocence, he took everything.  And now I have nothing to give
to you.  I can't let you be my first because someone else has already
been.  I can't give you my one gift because that asshole stole it from
me."  I stopped suddenly, realizing that I had cursed for the first
time ever.  "Oh God, and look what he's made me do.  He's made me lose
control of my emotions and cuss.  I hate him, Josh.  I don't hate
anybody, but I hate him.  He's stolen everything from me."

	Nothing could have kept him away at that moment.  He pulled me into a
hug as I cried on his shoulder.  My chest heaved up and down as it was
racked with sobs.  Within seconds his shirt was soaked from my tears as
they poured out.  He stroked my back and whispered soft words in my
ear.  His lips pursed together as he kissed my lightly on the neck and
the lobes of my ear.  He moved on hand up to my hair and softly trailed
his fingers threw it.  He continued to hold me until I settled down.
Finally he pulled away lightly, still holding me in his arms.  He
stared into my eyes before he spoke.
	"I never knew you felt that way Matt.  But I think I owe you an
apology.  I overreacted when you said I wouldn't like what you had to
say.  I knew I should have trusted you and believed in you, but I let
my emotions get the best of me.  My whole life I have shied away from
emotions, focusing purely on work or whatever, but you have changed all
that.  You've made me realize there is more to life.  You've made me
look at it in a different light.  I couldn't keep the small smile from
creeping onto my face.  "Now that's better."  He stole a breath as he
leaned in for a quick kiss.  "Now can I explain what I meant?"  I
nodded my head as he continued.
	"I did want you to spend the night with me - I still do in fact - but
it wasn't meant to sound the way it did.  I am falling in love with
you.  Hell, I think I've already fallen.  And I can't stand it when I'm
not around you.  That's why I acted the way I did when you walked in
the room.  I need to be close to you; I need to be a part of you.  When
I said I wanted you to stay with me, I wasn't thinking about sex.  I
just want to hold you in my arms as we sleep.  I would never imagine
forcing you into anything that you weren't 100% ready for.  I'm not
sure I even could make you do something you didn't want to - you're too
strong!!"  He stared down at my hands as he continued, almost
embarrassed.  "And do you want to know the truth?  I know exactly what
you were talking about when you said you wanted to save yourself until
you could give yourself to someone special....I actually had that same
pact with myself."  He looked into my eyes as a frown forced itself on
his lips.  "But I didn't hold onto that promise.  I met a man who told
me all of the right things.  He made me feel like I was special and
used me for sex.  Two days later he broke it off and I haven't seen him
since.  It hurt me to realize that I was nothing to him but a piece of
meat but I got over it.  I know it's not the same situation as yours,
but it's similar.  I don't want to force you into anything.  I'm not
going to push."  He took a big breath but quickly continued before I
could speak.  "Yes, if you told me right now that you were ready to
make love to someone, I would take you and make it so special you
wouldn't have any regrets, but I'm not going to even push the subject
until you are sure.  I want you to be ready."
	"But I never can be ready Josh.  Mark made sure of that when he took
me into that alley."
     "No he didn't Matt.  I don't even want you to think that.  Mark
did nothing but a cowardly act when he took advantage of you.  He
didn't steal your innocence, or your essence, or anything else.  He
didn't even steal your virginity.  Yes, someone has had sex with you,
but that doesn't mean you gave away your virginity.  It's more than
just your "first time."  I don't even think you can call what he did a
first time.  You've got something special Matt.  You've got this aura
that just radiates from you and NO one can take that from you.  You
have a mind that has unlimited potential.  You have a heart that you're
just starting to use - but don't worry, it'll never run out of love.
You've got more running for you than you would believe and I need you
to see that.  Mark didn't take anything from you.  He just pushed it
down
deep inside of you so you think it's gone.  All you have to do is look
inside yourself and you'll see.  I already have."
	My head dropped in shame as I realize how true he was.  He quickly
understood what was going through my head as the tears started again.
"But don't feel sorry for the way you acted.  You're 17, and although
you may think you know a lot, you're still learning.  Everyone is.
It's not like you've
ever experienced this before."  He tried to smile as he went on.  "I
don't want you to worry about anything Matt.  When you're ready to make
love, you'll be giving that special guy more than you would imagine.
You'll be giving him the key to your soul because you love him that
much and you're giving it on your own free will.  You've still got
everything you need to make a guy happy for an eternity."  He let go of
my hands and stood up.  "We need to get back to the guys now.  They
must be talking about us!"
	"Josh....don't leave just yet."  He looked back down at me and sank to
his knees.  "I...I want you to be that man Josh.  I want you to have
the key to my soul, I really do, but I'm just not ready yet.  I
understand what you're saying, I really do, but it'll take some time.
I need to make sure you're
okay with that."

	He leaned up and placed his lips on mine.  He pressed his tongue into
my mouth as we fought for the others love.  I let myself fall onto my
back and he laid on top of me.  I could feel my body heat up as the
kiss continued.  There was a fierceness behind it - something that was
pushing it farther than just a kiss.  We were telling each other our
secrets, revealing our inner most thoughts.  Our essences were pouring
together, combining into one.  We softly broke the kiss as I started to
smile.
	"As long as you kiss me like that at least once a day, and promise to
always make me feel the way I do when you smile at me, then I can wait
forever."  I smiled as JC's words sank into my heart.  "You don't
realize how special you make me feel.  As much as I want to make love
to you, it's not worth it when you aren't ready.  I'm not here for
anything more than your love.  Anything else you want to give me is
purely icing on the cake."  I laughed as I pushed him off of me
lightly.
	"You're so corny sometimes.  You do realize that, right?"  He broke
out laughing as both stood up.  "I think it's time to head back now."
We walked down the hall, hand in hand, and as he put his hand on the
knob I tilted my head up for a kiss.  This wasn't as earth-shattering
but it was with the man I loved, and that was all I needed at the
moment.


To be continued....