Date: Mon, 24 Apr 2000 10:00:44 -0700 (PDT)
From: Wesley Cook <wesleym2@yahoo.com>
Subject: Past Reflections 4

Author's Note: Hey you guys and gals, sorry for keeping you so long on this
installment. I have had some bad times lately but everything is good
now. Now that is taken care of I want you guys to know that NIFTY has soul
right at posting this material and that if you want to post this story any
where else you MUST get permission from me. It's just good manners. Now on
to the thank you's. I want to thank Dennis he has been there when I was
down and just helped me out a lot. Also I want to than Rod H. he has been
there every time I needed him. I know you are a good ways from me but man
thanks you helped me keep going. Also Aspire man where have you been I miss
you. And all of you that have sent responses to me on the story.

Legal Stuff: Okay you guys and gals know that this is just a fantasy which
means it is not real. This story doesn't imply that any of the BSB are gay
mainly Kevin. So if you are not old enough to read sexually explicit
material then leave. Also if you have a prob. reading about homosexuality
then leave. Also a reminder about the songs don't do something with them
that could someone in trouble.


	Now I like to get e-mail so please let me know what you guys and
gals think. You can reach me at wesleym2@yahoo.com. Now on with the story.


**Previously**

"I'm sorry sir but you are allowed in here you have to wait over there with
the other fans."

"I'm not a fan I work for the Backstreet Boys and I am sponsoring this tour
so if you don't let me in you will be looking for a new job in less than a
few hours." He looked at me and began laughing at me. That wasn't a very
smart move on his behalf. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed the hotel
management and explained the situation. After I hung up the head manager
came out and escorted me in along with the guard.

"I'm very sorry Mr. Cook It seems that our security needs to learn some
manners. I had checked with the records and it shows that you are staying
here with the BSB. What I don't know is why the person here," he said
pointing to the guard," didn't check with the front desk first."

"That's fine I just want to go upstairs and get some rest. So if you will
excuse me I will be going." With that I headed to the elevators and saw
Kevin standing there waiting on me.

"What took so long babe?"

"The guard didn't believe me so I had to call the hotel management to
straighten things out." He just smiled and shook his head. We stepped into
the elevator and we headed upstairs. The doors opened and we headed to his
room which was to become our room. We walked in and Kevin went to the
stereo and pushed a CD in and pushed pause.

"Babe listen to this song and know that no body comes close to you and that
I love you with all my heart."

	When we turn out the lights
	The two of us alone together
	Something's just not right
	But girl you know that I would never
	Ever let anothers touch, come between the two of us
	'Cause no one else will ever take your place

	No one else comes close to you
	No one makes me feel the way you do
	You're so special girl to me
	And you'll always be eternally
	Every time I hold you near
	You always say the words I love to hear
	Girl with just a touch you can do so much
	No one else comes close

	And when I wake up to
	The touch of your head on my shoulder
	You're my dream come true, oh yeah
	Girl you know I'll always treasure
	Every kiss and everyday I'll love you girl in every way
	And I always will, 'cause in my eyes
	Oh baby

	No one else comes close to you
	No one makes me feel the way you do
	You're so special girl to me
	And you'll always be eternally
	Every time I hold you near
	You always say the words I love to hear
	Girl with just a touch you can do so much
	Girl, can't you see

	No one else comes close to you
	No one makes me feel the way you do
	You're so special girl to me
	And you'll always be eternally
	Every time I hold you near
	You always say the words I love to hear
	Girl with just a touch you can do so much
	Girl, can't you see

	No one else comes close
	Damn

I was being held by Kevin as the song ended. Some how Kevin knew when and
what to say or do that would make my love for him grow more.

**Back To Present**

"You know Kevin, that through all the trials we went through I thinks that
one was one of the hardest ones. It killed me to have to tell you what I
did." I said to Kevin as I began to cry. To this day it hurt still knowing
that I almost lost the one thing that meant the most to me.

"I know babe but if I remember correctly though it was in Chicago that we
..."

**And Now**

	July 7,2000 just a day before I was going to be 22 years old. The
guys were busy with rehearsals for their concert on my birth day. I hadn't
seen much of Kevin or any of the boys because of rehearsals but that was to
be expected. I was sitting in the hotel room relaxing when Kevin came in
with Brian and Nick. They were laughing and joking around not realizing I
was in the room. Kevin grabbed some clothes and left the room with them. I
let a tear fall down my face. He has done this since we got back from
Texarkana. It's like they forget I'm even there. None of them talk to me or
anything. I needed to talk with some one then I remembered Rod. It had been
several months since I spoke with him. I pulled up my phone book on my lap
top and found his number.

Ring..Ring..Ring..Rin

"Hello.."

"Hey Rod how are ya?"

"Mark, wow it's been a while, I'm fine you?"

"Okay I guess..." I let a tear roll down my face because I wasn't fine.

"Mark I know there is something wrong now what is it?"

"Well let me tell you the whole story... About month or two back Jason was
killed in a car accident. I was with him in the car. I hadn't known he was
dead till two days after the accident. I was in the hospital for small
problems but they wanted to watch me. After the news I quit eating and
talking. The only food I got was from the I.V. they had in my arm.  Well
eventually I started to eat again and I was improving so they let me go
home. Well one day the Backstreet Boys showed up at my home. Dennis had
some how aranged for Jason's favorite boy band to visit me. Well to make a
long story short I am in love with and dating one of the BSB. But a few
days ago he and the group decided to leave me in New York and go to Chicago
alone. I called him and he told me that he didn't want to discuss it right
then and hung up. We made up and I'm back with them and now they are acting
like I'm not even here and he doesn't even talk to me. I'm hurt Rod, I
don't know what to do?" I broke down crying hard.

"Mark, there's nothing you can really do to make them see you and talk to
you. All I can say is just hold in there and maybe they will come around."

"Okay...the main reason I called you was to see if you would like to be the
assistant road manager for this tour?"

"Sure I'm not doing anything here so I'll do it."

"Great I'll fax you everything you need to know and I'll arrange for a
flight here asap. I'll call you later with the info on that. I guess I'll
go for now Rod. Talk with you later."

"Okay be good"

"I will bye."

"Bye." I hung up and just stared out of the window. Crying silently. Kevin
will be in shortly and most likely they will go clubbing. I decided to go
out and be by myself. I wrote a note for Kevin letting him know that I
would be back and if he needed me to call my cell phone. Before I left I
called the airport and arranged for Rod's flight here. I then sent him the
info via fax. I grabbed my cell and headed out the door. I got in the
elevator and pushed the 1st floor button. As I was leaving the hotel I saw
the guys eating at the hotels dinner. None of them saw me so I continued
on. I headed to the park thinking it would be peacefull.

**At The Park**

	I had finally reached the park. It was a good size but not to big
or too small. There was a small pond in the center of the park with a
walking track around it. There were several people there just walking
leizurly. I found a bench next to the waters edge and sat down. I watched
as people walked by some had their love with them some didn't. As I watched
those love birds walk in the park I realized that I would never have
that. I would never be able to walk in public with Kevin. It didn't bother
me because society isn't ready for that.

"Hi there..." I looked over and saw this blonde man standing next to the
bench. "May I sit here?" He was very cute, and his eyes.

"Oh... yes I'm sorry I was just thinking of somethings." I smiled at him.

"That's okay I'm like that quite often. Is this your first time here?"

"Yeah, I'm here on a job for a couple of days."

"Oh so you won't be staying for too long? Can I ask what your doing for
this job?"

"It's not really a job I'm sponsering a group and I decided to travel with
them." I looked over at him his smile was awsome. "I'm sorry I didn't catch
your name? Mine is Mark Cook."

"Oh I'm sorry I'm James Bass." I shook his hand.

"Do you live here?"

"No I'm here with four of my friends. We decided to take a group vacation
thing. They decided to go shopping I wanted to come to the park. So I'm
here."

"That's cool." I kept noticing he was kind of with drawn and timid.  "Are
you okay, your seem like your ready to split any second."

"Oh... sorry it's just..." Before he could finish some yelled.

"OH MY GOD THAT'S LANCE OF NSYNC" Needless to say it was time to leave.

"Follow me James." I said as we took off. We ran out of the park with a
crowd in tow. "If we can make it to the hotel we'll be fine." A few minutes
later we were in the loby of the hotel. The crowd that was following us was
held back by security. "So now I know why you were like you were. Don't
worry I'm with the Backstreet Boys so I'm not gonna go crazy on you." With
that he smiled.

**In The Dinner**

"What's all that commotion?" Nick asked. He got up and looked and saw two
people run into the lobby. He knew both of them. Kevin and the guys turned
around to see what was going on and they saw Mark and Lance Bass of NSYNC
smiling with Lances hand on Mark's shoulder.

"What the FUCk is going on?" Howie said. Kevin didn't like the looks of
things. He stood and watched as Mark and Lance walked over to the elevators
and got on. Kevin then left the table and headed up stairs. Howie and the
rest in tow.

**Upstairs**

"Hey Lance you can call the guys from my room and let them know what
happened. I can arrange for transpertation back to your hotel."

"Okay, sorry for not telling you the truth about me." Lance was looking
down at his feet.

"It's okay you weren't sure if I would go crazy like those people did down
stairs. To tell you the truth I really don't listen to the type of music
you and the BSB sing. Not since..." I stopped and turned away from him. I
brought up some bad memories. Lance touched my shoulder. My body was
shaking with sobs. He pulled me into a hug.

"Shhh...it's okay let it out." Just as he finished Kevin walked in. What he
saw wasn't what he took it to be.

"YOU FUCKING SLUT!!!" I wasn't sure who he was talking to, me or Lance or
both. I tried to speak.

"Kevin it's not..." He hit me. Everything just stopped. My hand was on my
face. I looked at the guys and saw looks of shock. I looked over at Kevin
and saw nothing but disgust. I straighten up and looked right into his
face. I could see fire, my veins were burning. I pulled back let go. The
next thing I know is Brian grabbing me and pulling me back.

"Mark don't it isn't going to help." I was still fighting to get free but
he wouldn't let go. He just held me until I began to cool down. When I did
I began to cry silently. I stodd up and went into the bed room where me and
Kevin slept. I started to pack my things. Brian came in and was trying to
get me to stop and talk to him. I wouldn't listen so he forced me to sit
down. I just sat there for a few minutes and then told him what had
happened.

**The Main Room**

"What the fuck do you think you are doing Kevin?" Shouted A.J. "You just
hit your boyfriend." When Kevin heard that he lost all color.

"Oh my God, I've lost him." Was all he said as he went to the floor. Lance
spoke up.

"Kevin We were chased from the park here and Mark said I could call the
guys and let them know what happened and he was going to arrange for me to
get back to my hotel." He stopped for a moment and continued. "He told me
that he doesn't listen to the type of music NSYNC and BSB sing ever since
what ever and he broke down crying from heart ache. I was trying to calm
him down. I don't know what happened in the past that he won't listen to
the music anymore but what ever it is, is tearing him up. He told me about
how he thought you guys had just seemed to forget he was here and that the
one person he held dear wouldn't even speak to him. I didn't know who he
was talking about until just a few moments ago." This didn't help Kevin but
the others felt hurt and like they just lost a best friend. "Kevin if Mark
is your boyfriend and you love him them you need to go and let him know and
try to get forgivness for what you just did, or you may lose the one thing
that could make you happy." With that Lance left to call a limo down
stairs.

"How am I going to make this up to him A.J., I'm scared of losing him but I
may have lost him all because I didn't trust him and I hit him for it."

"Kevin..." Every one looked up and saw me standing in the door way. "I do
love you and I forgive you but you hurt me and that is going to be there
for a long time. You are not going to lose me but I think it is time for us
to have some time apart. What I'm saying is that I am going to be staying
in Brian's room for the rest of the time we are here in Chicago. After that
I don't know but I think we need to step back and look and see where we are
at before we continue." I picked up my bags and walked up to Kevin. I sat
them down and helped him up. I kissed him and then left following Brian.

"Mark... please don't." I just continued to the door but Brian stopped and
wouldn't move.

"Mark listen to Kevin please." Brian said. I knodded and turned to face
Kevin. I saw him get up and come over to me. He took my hand and began to
sing.

	It's not that I can't live without you
	It's just that I don't even want to try
	Every night I dream about you
	Ever since the day we said goodbye

	If I wasn't such a fool
	Right now I'd be holding you
	There's nothin' that I wouldn't do
	Baby if I only knew

	The words to say
	The road to take
	To find a way back to your heart
	What can I do
	To get to you
	And find a way back to your heart

	I don't know how it got so crazy
	But I'll do anything to set things right
	'Cause your love is so amazing
	Baby you're the best thing in my life

	Let me prove my love is real
	And made you feel the way I feel
	I promise I would give the world
	If only you would tell me girl

	The words to say
	The road to take
	To find a way back to your heart
	What can I do
	To get to you
	And find a way back to your heart

	Give me one more chance,
	To give my love to you (give you my love, give you my love)
	'Cause no one on this earth loves you like I do,
	Tell me

	The words to say
	The road to take
	To find a way back to your heart
	What can I do
	To get to you
	And find a way back to your heart

	I turn back time
	To make you mine
	And find a way back to your heart
	I beg and plead
	Fall to my knees
	To find a way back to your heart

	The words to say
	The road to take
	To find a way back to your heart
	What can I do
	To get to you
	And find a way back to your heart

Kevin had tears running down his face. Tears were running down mine to.

"Mark please I'm sorry, I'm sorry for hurting you, I'm sorry for making you
feel the way you do. Help me to love you the way you need to be loved." I
took him into my arms and held him.

"Kevin I do love and I won't leave you but you have to promise to think
before you act and to get the story before you judge."

"I promise..." As if by magic I heard the song.

	The visions around you
	brings tears to your eyes
	and all that surrounds you
	are secrets and lies.
	I'll be your strength.
	I'll be your hope,
	keeping your faith when its gone.
	The one you should call
	I'm standing here all alone.

	I will take you in my arms,
	and hold you right where you belong,
	till the day my life is through
	this I promise you,
	this I promise you

	I've loved you forever
	in lifetimes before.
	and I promise you never
	will you hurt anymore.
	I give you my word.
	I give you my heart.
	This is a battle we've won.
	and by this vow
	forever has now begun

	Just to look into your eyes
	and see you right here with me.
	I know that this feeling wont go away

	Till the day my life is through
	this I promise you.
	Every word I say is true
	this I promise you
	ooh I promise you

When the song ended I felt Kevin shudder. I knew he was tired and so I lead
him to our room and got him undressed and in the bed. I stripped down and
crawled in next to him and soon we both were asleep.

**Concert**

"Hi everybody, you ready to rock!!!" The crowd went wild. The first song
they did was Larger Than Life. The guys were doing good tonight.

"Okay peeps we have a very special person with us he is this tour's sponser
and our main road manager please welcome Mr. Mark Cook." Kevin said. I
walked out on stage and was recieved very well. "Today is Mark's 22cd
birthday so let's sing happy birthday to him and to every one else that has
a birthday today." They did and I was turning red. After they finished I
was hugged by all the guys and I left the stage. The concert was about over
by now. I listened and the next song was Anywhere For You. Finally the
concert was over and the guys headed off stage. Then back to the hotel.

"Kevin thanks for what you did out there." I said as I kissed him.

"Oh that ain't all I have for you." He said smiling He opened the door and
stepped inside. I looked around and there were candels every where with
soft music playing. There even was some food on the table for us. "Happy
birthday babe." I looked up at him and kissed him. I wrapped my arms around
his neck and we continued to kiss. Some how he got the door closed and we
made it over to the bed with out breaking the kiss. He broke the kiss and
laid me on the bed. He pulled his shirt off and tosed next to the closet. I
pulled mine off and he took it and tossed it. He leaned down and began to
kiss me very passionately. I managed to undo his pants and slide them down
with his boxers. He stepped out of them and again broke the kiss. He undid
my pants and soon we were both nude. He climbed up ontop of me and he began
his assault on my neck and chest.

"Kevin make love to me?"

"Okay my love. I Love You" I pulled my legs up to give him acess to my
hole. He grabbed some lotion off of the night stand and put it on his
raging hard on. I felt him put some on my hole for extra lubrication. He
leaned down and kissed me as he entered my hole. It hurt at first but it
was soon replaced by pleasure. He was slowly pumping my ass and kissing my
on my neck and chest.

"I...love...love you Kev..Kevin" I moaned out.

"I'm..heh heh..getting close babe" He said between pants. I could feel a
growing sensation deep in my loins. The friction between me and Kevin was
bringing me to the point of no return.

"Me..Too babe.."

"Here it comes babe...oh..oh.. ugh..oh yeah oh yeah oh I Love You Mark
umm." I felt him shoot in me and that caused me to cross over.

"Kevin.. oh Kev... oh umm" I finally quite shooting and I was still
shaking.

"You okay babe?"

"Yeah it's just it was so...so."

"I know what you mean let's get some rest okay babe."

"Okay I love you."

"I love you too." I listened to a song that was playing and it fit the
moment. it was by Creed "Higher"

	When dreaming I'm guided through another world
	Time and time again
	At sunrise I fight to stay asleep
	'Cause I don't want to leave the comfort of this place
	'Cause there's a hunger, a longing to escape
	From the life I live when I'm awake
	So let's go there
	Let's make our escape
	Come on, let's go there
	Let's ask can we stay?
	Can you take me higher?
	To the place where blind men see
	Can you take me higher?
	To the place with golden streets
	Although I would like our world to change
	It helps me to appreciate
	Those nights and those dreams
	But, my friend, I'd sacrifice all those nights
	If I could make the Earth and my dreams the same
	The only difference is
	To let love replace all our hate
	So let's go there
	Let's make our escape
	Come on, let's go there
	Let's ask can we stay?
	Up high I feel like I'm alive for the very first time
	Up high I'm strong enough to take these dreams
	And make them mine

And when it was done the last song that was programed into the cd player
was Sonique's "It Feels So Good"

	You always make me smile, when I'm feeling down
	You give me such a vibe, I still live on a fire hmm
	It's not the way you walk and it ain't the way you talk
	It ain't the job you got that keeps me satisfied

	Your love it feels so good
	And that's what takes me high
	Higher than I've been before
	Your love it keeps me alive
	Thought I should let you know
	When you touch me it means so much
	When I'm alone I cry
	It's you I'm always thinking of, Oohh oh baby

	Won't you understand, how I feel (yeah) deep inside
	Uh huh, you make me feel, what I need to feel (yes) In my heart
	Your love it feels so good
	And that's what takes me high
	Higher than I've been before
	Your love it keeps me alive
	Thought I should let you know
	When you touch me it means so much
	Whem I'm alone I cry
	It's you I'm always thinking of, Oohh oh baby

	Your love it feels so good
	And that's what takes me high
	Higher than I've been before
	Your love it keeps me alive
	Thought I should let you know
	When you touch me it means so much
	Whem I'm alone I cry
	It's you I'm always thinking of, Oohh oh baby

	Your love it feels so good
	And that's what takes me high
	Higher than I've been before
	Your love it keeps me alive
	Thought I should let you know
	When you touch me it means so much
	Whem I'm alone I cry
	It's you I'm always thinking of, Oohh oh baby

Finally we both went to sleep listening to that song.

I awoke with Kevin still in my arms. I smiled because it had been a while
since that had happened. I felt the need to relieve some pressure on my
kidneys so I got up and went to the bathroom. I took care of my business
and then went to take care of my wild head of hair.

"OH SHIT!!!" I yelled. That of course woke Kevin up.

"What is it babe?" He said as he entered the bathroom. When he looked in
the mirror he turned white and I mean white. Even his dick. Oh Kevin sleeps
nude. "Oh babe I'm so so so so sorry." He began to cry. I turned to him and
pulled him into a hug.

"Babe it's gonna be okay, I forgave and all so don't worry I just didn't
think it would be that bad. I have to go to the air port and pick up Rod so
we can leave here in a few hours. I Love You Kevin, oh and Kevin call it a
love wound, okay." He smile remembering our fun the night before. I
usheredhim out and got cleaned up and dressed. An hour later I was at the
airport waiting on Rod.

"Flight 287 from Vanburen to Chicago has arrived at gate 23a." The
announcer said. That's Rod's flight. I made sure I had my sunglasses on and
went to meet him. I got to the luggage return and waited.

"Hey Rod, how are ya?" I said as he walked up to the luggage return.

"Mark, is that you?"

"Yeah, you don't recognize me?"

"Not with the sunglasses on."

"I tell you about that later but right now we need to get back to the hotel
so we can leave in a few hours. You up to a four or five hour buss trip?"

"Yeah as long as I get to sit next to one of the guys." He said with a
wink. I just shook my head and headed to the limo. "Okay now tell me why
you need sunglasses in the early morning?" I turned to him and took them
off. "Oh SHIT!!" He said really pissed, "Who did it?" I hung my head not
wanting to answer. "Come on Mark tell me or I will find out as soon as I
get there."

"Kevin." I said in a low voice. "My boyfriend."

"Kevin hit you and you still call him your boyfriend. Damn." I knew that he
was not a happy camper.

"Promise me that you won't hurt him when we get there or afterward. He is
hurting enough. You should have seen him this morning when he saw what it
did. He almost passed out from hurt. He hurts aslong as I hurt. Everytime I
turn around he is saying he is sorry for what he did. So please don't hurt
him?"

"We'll see hope that I cool down before we get there."

"Well you better do it fast cuz we are pulling into the parking lot now."
That limo stopped under the pavilion and we got out. I told the driver to
take the luggage to the buss and hve it put on there. Then we headed up to
meet the guys. Once I was in the elevator I took the sunglasses off and
rubbed my for head. I had a slight head ache forming. Nothing new, I have
had them for a while.

"Another headache Mark?"

"Yeah, I'll be okay I'll take some exdrine and it wil go away."

"You need to get that seen about."

"I know I just don't have the time right now. I go to a doctor at out next
city."

"Okay if you want I will go with you."

"Thanks I don't want Kevin to know just yet or untill I find out what it
is." After that the doors opened and we head to the main room mine and
Kevin's room. When we reached the door I could hear yelling.

"No Howie he didn't deserve what I did to him, it was fucking mistake."
Kevin yelled.

"Oh yeah right, if you hadn't come up here when you did then he and Lance
may have fucked while we were downstairs. All he is is a fucking slut and
you think you love him. All he is doing Kevin is using you to get more
money and fame." Before I could do anything Rod had busted through the door
and headed right for Howie. "What the fuck..."

"YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT." With that he hit Howie in the stomach and
Howie was on the floor. Just a few seconds later they heard another thump
and Brian saw me and yelled.

"KEVIN!!! It's MARK"

TBC...

Hmmm... What happened to Mark? How will the meeting between Rod and the
boys turn out? I guess you will have to wait and see. Let me know what you
think okay. Bye for now.