Date: Sun, 7 Jan 2001 00:55:11 -0500
From: BlairBoy <blairboy81@hotmail.com>
Subject: Petals of Love

Disclaimer: This story is completely fictional it in no way suggests the
sexuality of any character within its contents. This is pure fiction. If
offended by it then don't read on.

Petals of Love
By
Crunk <blairboy81@hotmail.com>


He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not. He loves
me...yes! I was playing the game. I would spend my nights peeling the
petals away from the stem, and litter the floor. I always ended up on the
petal that said he loved me. He couldn't love me. Could he? I never thought
that he did. Oh, but I wished it.

For as long as I can remember, I've wanted him. Not just his body, but also
his mind, his heart, and his soul. I had been getting a feeling that lately
he felt the same, but then, then he had to go and date Her, and kiss Her,
and love Her. I mean, I was so sure that he loved me. And then, well, to
put it bluntly, he broke my heart. I don't think he meant to. He is too
wonderful to do that. He didn't know that he was hurting me.

So, even though I know he's with her on the couch, I still play my little
game, and pretend things are different. I can feel his eyes on me. He's too
smart to know that I'm actually enjoying this game. He knows that I'm
hiding something. Oh great. He's telling her to leave the hotel room we're
in. And he's walking over here. Step. Breath. Step. Breath. He's beside me
now. I hope he doesn't say anything, or I might just have to kiss
him. "Joe, buddy, you okay?" I try to muster up a smile, but it ends up
looking bitter. Buddy? I guess he really DOESN'T love me. A tear forms in
my eyes, and I wipe it away. I won't let him do this to me. He isn't worth
me. I try to convince myself, but the thought of me in his arms (like I am
in my dreams) keeps floating back into my mind. "Joe, if you want to talk
I'm here..." He trails off. I think that he's mad I won't confide in him.

How the hell do I do that? Just confess and tell him I'm madly in love with
him? Do I just waltz up to him and say my deepest thoughts. I can't do
that. He walks away, and lays on the bed beside mine. He reaches for the
remote, and I think of the flower. It always said that he loved me. I
decide to talk to him. "Justin." His hand retracts, and goes behind is
head, to support it. "Yeah, Joe?" I smile, and can't believe I'm doing
this. "Have you ever fallen in love with someone, even though you know you
can't have them?" He smiles weakly. "Is that all that's bothering you?" I
nod and he chuckles. "Why would you think you couldn't have them? If you
put your mind to it, you can have anything." Oh God, he isn't getting
it. He's so naive, and that's just another of is wonderful traits. "They
love someone else." He sits up, and swings his legs over the side of the
bed. "Are you sure?" Am I sure? I think so. " Pretty sure, J. I mean, they
don't act like they like me." He nods. "Well, do you act like you like
them?" Good question, do I? I probably don't. But how do I? He loves Her,
and I can't stop it. "No, I guess not. But, Justin, it isn't as easy as
that." He shakes his head, and speaks some words of wisdom. "You've never
had a problem with the ladies before." Oh dear, how do I tell him the
problem is not with a lady. It's with him.

Oh no, I can feel the tears coming. I'm going to cry. Shit. Maybe I can
stop it. Fuck, the tears are falling. He's not doing anything. He's
watching me, and I just want to kiss those full lips of his. Watching him
watch me is making the tears fall even harder. He gets up and goes to the
door. "I'm sorry, Joe. I didn't mean to make you cry. I hope that you feel
better soon. I don't know if you want company, but if you do, then don't
hesitate to find me. I'll be on the roof." He sounds sad. But that's not my
problem right now. I HAVE to tell him. If I don't, I'll end up losing him
even more.

"Don't go." He turns away from the door, and smiles at me. He sits back on
the bed, and fidgets. "Stop that." He smiles. "Boy, you just seem to be
full of commands today. Anything else I can get for you, King Joey?" That
brings a smile to my face. He grins and claps his hands. "Ah, there it
is. The smile most of America adores." I smile even more, and he grins
wider. "Feel up to telling me why you cried at what I said?"

The mood immediately stiffens. I shake my head no. He doesn't need to hear
it. He doesn't want to hear that one of his "brothers" loves him like a
lover. He doesn't want to hear it, but I do. I want to tell him, but
telling him will hurt him. Do I want to hurt him? If I don't hurt him, I
hurt me. "If I tell you, I will hurt you. And I don't want to do that." I
can tell in his mind he thinks I went after Her. His Her. "It has nothing
to do with her, Justin. This is a me and you type thing." He swallows, "A
me and you type thing?" I nod. "You don't want to hear this." He shakes his
head, as if urging me on. "I don't want to hurt you." The look on his face
is the most adorable face I've ever seen.

"You won't hurt me. No matter what you say, you can't hurt me more than you
already are, by not telling me. I am your best friend, Joe. Why won't you
tell me?" I shrug. He urges me on, and rests a hand on my knee. Oh Lord,
how can I tell him how I feel with his hand where it is. I stare at it, the
spot on my knee, until he retracts his hands. "I love you." I whisper. He
doesn't hear me. "Come again?" How can I say that again? I just told him,
and he didn't hear. Taking another breath, I decide to repeat it. I mean,
if the flower says he loves me, then he loves me. "I love you." This time
it's louder, and more confident. "Is that all? I mean, we all love you,
Joe. If that's what this is about, then I can honestly say I love you too."
I shake my head. He doesn't get it. I get up off the bed, and head to the
door. I tell him, "I didn't mean it like that." His face registers, and he
drops the smile that's been there for a while. He shakes his head, and I
know that he doesn't love me. And he never will.

I walk out the door. My security guard is asleep and I see no need to wake
him. I go outside the hotel, and take a breath of fresh air. I circle the
building, and see a garden in the back. I walk over to it, and pick off a
flower, that was finished blooming. Smiling to myself I play the game. The
only thing I have to hold on to. He loves me. He loves me not. He loves
me. He loves me not. He loves me. I gasped. There was only one petal
left. A tear falls, and my fate seems to be sealed. He loves me not.