Date: Mon, 1 Jan 2001 17:38:35 EST
From: Gking0300@aol.com
Subject: RAIN (1)

As you probably all know, this is not my first submission to the archives,
(At The Beginning with You, The Day Before Tommorow) and a lot of ya'll
hate me cuz I never stay with one story for long; you'll probably notice I
just write one, disappear, and then start with another.  Sorry I've been
having trouble getting these out, but school is a serious bitch this year,
and as you know, you can't slack until senior year.

This one's called "Rain", the title to one of the songs I recently wrote,
and thought it fitting for the plot.

This is about Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys, and if you want a
story with a TON of sex, go read something else.  While I was on vacation,
I met this guy who must have been the nicest, and most beautiful person in
the world.  The character Josh is meant to be modeled after him.  I would
not assume myself worthy enough to date someone like Brian! : )

If ya'll want to drop me a comment or two, it'd be VERY!!!
appreciated. . . gking03@yahoo.com or gking0300@aol.com

~RICH~

No, nobody has any right to take this story and post it anywhere else
without consulting me first, and yes, I have had some problems with that.

This story is completely fiction, and does not mean anything about the
sexual orientation of Brian Littrell or anyone of the Backstreet Boys.  If
you're under 18, don't read this or don't get caught : ) . . . .

RAIN (1)

I stand at your door, looking up at your room
Knowing that I'll, have to let you go soon
Just one more emotion, just one more kiss
But we have to go now, from this eternal bliss
I hold you close, looking deep in your eyes
Knowing that I'll, have to say my goodbyes
Walking back from each other, tears falling like rain
My heart captivated, in your eternal pain


I stood at my door, the awkward silence that always comes after a first
date hung thickly in the air.  He took my hand gently in his, and for the
first time, I saw how truly beautiful he was.  His soft features moved
delicately in the porch light, his bright sapphire blue eyes shining like
stars.  His body radiated a heat that almost melted me into him, the cold
winter air not even a match for the aura that surrounded us.  I moved a
little closer, not wanting to rush things, but knowing it was time.  As we
moved closer, his eyes closed and I could feel his breath blowing gently
against my face.  Our lips met for the first time, and it was as if
something moved through us, as if time stopped and let this moment live on
somewhere else.  I pressed against him harder, and his hand moved around to
the back of my neck, rubbing gently sending erotic pleasure corsing through
my body.  We parted and his perfect features broke into the sexiest smile
imaginable.

"So, do you want to do this again or something?" he almost whispered, his
voice tentative as if he feared my answer.

"You know, that was my first real kiss, with anyone," I said smiling.  "I
wouldn't share that with someone I wouldn't want to see again."

He pulled me in for another kiss, his warm lips barely brushing mine.  It
was shorter than the last, but nonetheless managed to make my knees go
weak.  "Call me?" he asked.

"First thing tommorow," I replied opening my door.

He shot me his boyish smile and turned to leave.

"Hey, I like you, a lot," I called out after him.

He turned and jingled his car keys and looked awkwardly at the ground.  He
lifted his eyes to mine and smiled.

*****

I inhaled deeply, feeling the warm sensation as the smoke filled my lungs,
and then exhaled, watching it wind in wisps above me into the cold winter
air, drifting out of sight.

I felt Brian's arms around my waist and I relaxed into them, the comforting
feeling of his arms surrounding me.  "Babe, stop that," he said motioning
toward my cigarette.

I dropped it down to the ground and put it out with my heel.  "Damn Bri,
can't you let me smoke in peace?"

Brian relaxed his grip on me and sighed as he turned away.  "Just try to
smoke when I'm not around, okay?"

I pulled him back into my arms and kissed him gently.  "I'll try to
remember that, good enough?"

Brian giggled as he fought to get loose.  "Okay, that's cool by me."

Brian stood close to me and placed his lips on mine gently. I snaked my
arms around his neck and increased the force between us.  Moving slowly, as
if to the unheard music of our own dance, we stood there, as one person,
the love between us like steam radiating heat and passion into the
surrounding area.  We broke apart and turned to look at the park.  The
trees were like skeletons reaching up their spindly branches to a gray sky,
the skyscrapers like a line of metal teeth piercing the gray overcast sky.
We walked slowly, hand in hand, down from the hill we were standing on.  I
couldn't believe he was mine, not because he was a celebrity, not because
he was rich or had his face plastered across America.  I couldn't believe
someone so alive, so beautiful, could ever take me in.  I closed my eyes
and smiled as I realized how much I loved him.

"I love you," we both said at the same time.  We laughed and he squeezed my
hand.

Brian looked at me with an appraising look, his eyes roaming over my body.
"I'd say you were a keeper," he said comically.

I smiled and squeezed his hand.

*****

ONE YEAR LATER. . . .

I stood at the window, the sunset sending red streaks through the window to
cast a sickly red glow into the room.  I watched Brian, his blond streaked
brown hair matted slightly, hanging into his face slightly.  He shifted on
his feet a little, and I watched the small muscular contractions in his
back, the way his flawless skin moved.  "Brian, I need to talk to you,
seriously."

Brian drew his legs up to his body, hugging them tightly to him.  Leaning
back against the headboard of the bed, I heard him let his breath out
slowly.  "Yeah Josh, what's up?"  I knew he was scared of what would come
next, fear seemed to flit across his face.  He unconciously started
shivering.

I turned from the window, seeing the dispair, full of fear, the red lines
standing out to blur the perfect blue of his eyes.  "It's time for me to
tell you this Brian, I really don't know how to say it."

Brian got up off the bed and stood next to me at the window, the city
sprawling lazily toward the coast, the sun sinking gently below the horizon
giving the impression that the water was on fire.  I closed my eyes and
swallowed.  "Josh, whatever it is, it's better you just tell me."

"Please don't take this personally Brian, but I've been a wreck lately,
things haven't been going right, my life has been out of control.  You've
seen, things are falling apart for me."

He nodded, his eyes closed, his long lashes gently framed his closed lids.

"Please understand what I'm trying to say to you.  I love you, more than
you could ever understand, more than anyone could understand, that's why
I'm doing this."

He looked at me, his eyes piercing through my body and stripping my down to
see my soul.  "Why Josh, why?"

**********

I pressed my lips to his, my back against the gnarled bark of the oak tree.
I opened my eyes to see his lids tightly shut.  He broke the kiss and I
pulled him closer to me, the wind swirling leaves around us, finding its
way inside my thin jacket to chill me.  "I'll see you again, right?" he
asked, an uncertain and fearing look crossing his face and his eyes shined
brightly.

I nodded, tears forming at the corners of my eyes, threatening to spill
over.  "Yes, you'll see me again."

He knew I was lying and shook his head.  "Josh, the truth, please."

I pulled away from him and crossed my arms, staring off into the park, the
ground matted with an explosion or orange, red, and yellow.  "No, I'm
leaving you, I'm sorry, but I'm leaving you.

I could see the meaning of my words sink into him completely, and he fell
to his knees, the wet ground soaking through his pants.  "There must be
something I can do, Josh, please," he murmered as a cold wind whipped his
blond hair back.

"You don't understand I've gone through what you have too, if not more," I
said coming close to him, touching his back gently.  "I still love you,
I'll always still love you."

He turned his head to look at me.  "Then why to you have to leave," he
said, his voice shaking with emotion.

"I do, I can't keep this going any longer.  This is ruining my whole life,
fuck, I'm only a sophomore in high school," I said smoothing his bangs
gently.  "It's my fault, remember that."

He wiped his tears away with his hand.  "What more do I need to tell you
Josh, I'll always love you, you'll always love me, why doesn't it work?"

I smiled wryly and looked away.  "It should work that way, but it doesn't.
Life isn't fair," I said bitterly.

There was an enormous crack of thunder and the rain started to pour down in
sheets, our hair and clothes getting soaked instantly.  "I guess this is
goodbye," I said, my whole body trembling.

He parted his grip from me slowly, his fingers slipping from my grasp and
his warmth leaving my body. I watched him turn his back and walk away
slowly, his form disappearing from view in the shroud of heavy rain and
mist.  I felt a shiver run through my body and I couldn't contain the sobs
that started deep inside of me.  I still had my arm outstretched, and
dropped it to my side, feeling like for the first time, I had really woken
up, the dream was over, and life goes on.

MONTHS LATER. . . .

I slipped on the wet pavement, shuddering as my soaked shirt clung to my
body, my heart seeming to pound through my whole body, the sound of my bare
feet slapping on the cement.  Thunder rolled overhead and a flash of
lighting lit the skyline for a brief moment, the gray sky and clouds like
demons trying to suck the world into their turbulent grasp.  I pushed my
way through black raincoats and umbrellas, racing through the streets of
downtown, crossing the streets haphazardly.  I raced up the rough-hewn
granite stairs, pausing to catch my breah on the doorstep, summoning enough
strength to knock on the door, and then collapsed in a heap.

The door opened a crack, and was then thrown open.  He stepped out into the
cold to lift my head from the stone steps.  He gently helped me sit up and
braced my back against the twisted wrought iron railings.  He lifted my
head gently by placing his index finger on my chin, his dark blue eyes as
dark as the gray clouds of the restless sky.  "Why?" he asked simply, just
as he had done months before.  I diverted my eyes downward to the ground,
but he gently jerked my head back up and repeated his question.

I watched as the muscles in his cheeks moved slightly, his blond hair
plastered flat against his forehead by the rain, rivulets running down his
sideburns to disappear into the turtlneck collar of his soaked, thin blue
sweater.  "I-I don't know," I said collapsing against his chest, without
enough energy or tears left to cry.  I stood up slowly, feeling his hands
grasp mine.  Another bolt of lightning forked through the sky, then a clap
of thunder like the sound of a million timbers being shorn in half.  He
held me there, the rain pouring from the heavens like a thousand angel's
tears, our own tears mixing between us and falling down to the ground.  I
felt his warm breath blowing on my forehead and I turned my silver flecked
eyes to meet his solomn gaze.  "I love you, I always have," I said feeling
his grasp on my arms tighten and his heart reach out to me.  "Please, take
me in again, I was so wrong, take me back."

"I never stopped loving you either," he said pushing a few strands of my
hair out of my eyes.  He reached over to the front door and pulled a small
white snowdrop from where it was growing in the window box.  Tucking it
behind my ear, he kissed me gently on the nose, the rain stopping suddenly
to a steady sprinkle, the thunder sounding more softly in the distance.
"The rain's gone," he said slowly, thoughtfully, the only sound was the
seemingly far off city traffic and the wail of a siren in the distance.  I
watched as a few drops of rain fell from the tip of his nose.  "Remember
when we first met?" I asked suddenly thinking, my heart beating faster as I
pulled the first day of our relationship out from the back of my mind where
I had stowed it away, vowing to never think of it again.

A smile broke out on his angelic face, the fine contours shaping an emotion
touched by God.  "How could I forget? One year, three months, fifteen days,
six hours and either nine or ten minutes ago," he said.

"Um, it was seven minutes," I said sheepishly, looking at the ground and
shaking my head, droplets of water flying through the air.  "I kept track."

"I stand corrected," he said tracing my jawline delicately with his
fingers.  "Let's get some champagne and celebrate our one year three month
fifteen day six hour and, well, now it's eight minute anniversary."

I smiled at his silliness.  "Actually, it's only our one year three month
twelve day three hour eight minute anniversary, taking into account the
time we were split up."

He kissed me softly with his blood red lips, and I inhaled the scent that
was so familiar, so comforting.  "All that counts as that we're together
now," he said gently stroking the small of my back.

"I love you Brian," I said gently.

He turned slightly and looked me up and down appraisingly.  "I love you
too, Josh."

***************

I watched Brian turn around in front of the mirror, the wool pants and
cashmere sweater hanging perfectly on his sculpted body.  The glow of
lights from a neighboring skyscraper poured into the half-shut blinds of
the hotel room illuminating his angelic features so they danced in the
light, swimming like a mirage.

"How do I look?" Brian asked running a hand through his hair and sucking in
his stomach.

I walked over and wrapped my hands around his waist feeling his body relax
to my touch.  "Beautiful, as always," I murmered to the back of his neck.

"Sorry to make you sit through this concert babe, I didn't want tonight to
be like this," he said gently.

I kissed him softly and smiled.  "No Brian, there's no place I'd rather
be."