Date: Sun, 11 Jun 2000 20:47:01 EDT
From: "Paul (The Town Tramp)" <thetowntramp@hotmail.com>
Subject: Rock Bottom Chapter 7 (Gay/Celebrity/Boy Bands)

Rock Bottom
By Paul

Note: This story does not imply anything about the sexuality of Brian
Littrell or Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys. If you are under 18 or are
offended by homosexual literature, then you should go away now.

My apologies.  I have been really busy, as my exam time is fast
approaching.
  I intend on getting a bunch of chapters on Nifty before I leave for my
cottage in July, so give me your best thoughts.  Unfortunately, when I get
to my cottage, updates will be less and less plentiful, but I will continue
to try and make postings as frequent as possible.

And now, on with the story.

Chapter Seven:

     Brian held Nick tightly and lovingly, trying to comfort his shaking
and terrified boyfriend.
     "Why does Justin Timberlake's voice make you tremble, Nick?" asked
Brian.
     "You you don't get it, Brian," Nick responded, stuttering.  "Justin
and my ex-boyfriend are the same person."
     At that point, Nick began to cry.  Brian picked him up with his strong
arms and carried him over to the crushed velvet couch.  Brian set Nick down
on the couch, and then sat down himself, assuming a position in which he
could hold the beautiful blond boy whose tears made his face look as if it
was covered in rain.  Brian kissed Nick's shoulder, and neck, and cheek and
just beside Nick's eye, where the skin was drenched in teardrops.
     "Sweetie, it's going to be okay," said Brian softly, almost
whispering.
     Nick continued to weep, but the tears became less frequent as the
comfort of his lover's touch began to set in.
     "Do you want to talk about it?" Brian asked.
     A moment of silence ensued.  Very quietly, Nick said, "Yes, Brian.
There's some things you need to know now."
     Nick adjusted his head so that it still rested on Brian's legs, but
that he was looking directly into his lover's eyes.  He brought his legs up
into his stomach so that he was curled up into a little ball.  Brian's hand
rested underneath Nick's back, and his hand comfortingly rubbed the skin
underneath Nick's shirt.
     "It started two years ago," Nick began.  "I can remember the exact
night.  It was amazing, really.  It was just after *N Sync had released
their first album, and we were touring.  There was this aristocratic,
fancy, overly-fake ball that all of us went to: all of us and all of *N
Sync.  I was really unhappy then, because I was trying to get in touch with
my sexuality.  I knew I was gay, but I was so scared of it.  I was usually
able to keep up this image so that no one would suspect anything, but that
night, in that sea of people, I felt so weak and I needed to escape.  I
left the ballroom almost crying and ran into the rain.  The water drenched
my hair and moistened my face, but I didn't care or notice.  All I did was
run along the grounds of wherever it was we were.
     "I found this gazebo, and went into it.  I sat down on the floor, and
the tears started flowing.  I couldn't keep it in any longer; I couldn't
ignore the thoughts inside my head.  So, sitting on the floor, I closed my
eyes.  And, without any thought, this song came out of my lips.  I started
singing without any intention on singing.  It was a song by the Counting
Crows, of the Recovering the Satellites CD.  It's called Catapult, if
you've heard it.  It just went from my brain right to my mouth, without me
having to conjure up a single memory or emotion.

     All of a sudden he disappears
     Just yesterday he was here
     Somebody tell me if I am sleeping
     Someone should be with me here
     Cause I don't wanna be alone

     I wanna be the knife that cuts into my hand
     And I wanna be scattered from here in this catapult
     What a big baby.  Won't somebody save me please
     You won't find nobody home

     All of these quiet battered voices
     Wait for the hunger to come
     We got little revolvers and stupid choices
     And no one to say when we're done
     Well I don't wanna bring you down

     I wanna be the light that burns out your eyes
     Cause I know little things about me
     That would sing in the silence of so much rejection
     In every connection I make
     I wanna be the last thing that you hear when you're falling asleep

     "Then when I was finished, a voice came from outside the gazebo.  It
said, 'That was very good, Nick.'  I turned around, and saw that it was
Justin.  I asked him how long he'd been standing there, and he told me that
he'd heard the whole song.  I told him to get inside the gazebo so he
wouldn't catch cold, and he did.  He sat on the floor with me, and started
talking to me.  He said that he could completely relate to the song that
I'd just sung.
  I was embarrassed that I'd been caught doing something that I really had
no control over, but he was comforting, and sweet about it.
     "'Did you realize that you sang 'he' instead of 'she' in the first
verse?' he asked.  I said no, I didn't.  I tried to cover and say that he
probably heard me wrong.  He said that it was too bad that I didn't sing
'he' instead of 'she' because he couldn't relate to the song as much then.
I looked at him, and asked him to repeat what he'd just said.  He did, and
he smiled at me.  He raised his hand and brushed it through my hair, and
grabbed my back, bringing me in closer to him.
     "'Let's figure this out together, Nick,' he suggested.  I started to
cry, but not from the sadness that had filled me only a few minutes
earlier.  I cried because I felt joy joy in that this boy wanted to see
this through with me, and that I was no longer alone.  He wiped my tears
away, and then we looked at each other for awhile.  Then he kissed me, and
it was the most amazing thing ever.  I felt as if I was home, and in
Justin's arms I would never have to feel the way I once did again.
     "That night Justin and I laid beside each other on the floor of the
gazebo, and we just talked and told each other everything on our minds as
we held each other, and kissed each other.  It was that night that I fell
in love for the first time.  I gave him my heart adequate compensation for
the man who mended it, I thought.
     "We started seeing each other in secret whenever we could.  We would
fly to each other's concerts, and whenever either of us were home, we would
be together within an instant of our arrival.  The connection we had was
one where the world would just disappear whenever we were together, and we
would just fall in love with each other again every time we looked into
each other's eyes.  The moments we stole together were amazing, and
breathtaking, and always left us yearning for more.
     "We stayed like that for a year and a half, but then I started to feel
him pulling away.  We didn't have that intimate connection we once had
where we could basically read each other's thoughts.  He started closing
himself off, and I couldn't read him.  He became a completely different
Justin not the Justin I had fallen in love with.  Yet, I tried to fix
things as much as I could, because I couldn't picture my life without him.
I dragged him into bed more often, and threw gifts at him, hoping, hoping
that material things like loveless sex and expensive possessions would make
him stay.  But he didn't.  One night when we were in bed, and just after
we'd finished making love, he told me that he no longer wanted my heart,
because he didn't love me anymore.  I tried to ask him what went wrong, and
what he meant and what we could do to fix it, but he said nothing.  He got
out of bed, put on his clothes, ignored every single word I said, and just
left.
     "He left me feeling like I felt before that night he came and rescued
me from myself in the gazebo.  And, I guess you know what happened from
there."
     Brian wiped the tears away from Nick's face.  "It's going to be okay,
sweetheart."  He leaned down and kissed Nick's forehead, and his cheek.
"So what is it that you want to do, Nick?" Brian asked.
     Nick thought for a moment, as he looked at Brian and remembered how
happy it made him to be in love with him.  "I don't want to be hurt ever
again, Brian."
     Brian leaned down so their faces were very close to each other's.
"I'll never hurt you, Nick," said Brian.
     "I love you," said Nick.
     "I love you," replied Brian.  "Forever."
     "Forever," said Nick.
     Nick and Brian's faces moved toward one another's, and they kissed for
a long time, their tongues gently playing with each other's.  When their
kiss broke, they looked into each other's eyes.
     "Sweetie, you just leave Justin to me," said Brian.

How is Brian going to deal with Justin???  Find out in Chapter Eight.
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