Date: Fri, 10 Mar 2000 02:24:13 EST
From: Brwydevil@aol.com
Subject: Boys Bands: Running Thoughts 16

   Hello young lovers, wherever you are. Welcome back! This newest chapter
all takes place on the *NSync plane. Consider it an episode of The Real
World- without the crazy bar fights. All of the events and characters are
fictional and use basic fantasy as a foreground for storytelling. Enjoy and
send any and all mail to Kevin at BrwyDevil@aol.com.

    P.S- There was a typo in Chapter 15 which left out Nick Carter's mother's
name. I apologize, Jane, I meant nothing by it.

================================================================

                   Running Thoughts Part Sixteen: "Travel Hopefully"


   Her face appeared again. She was stolid. She was ominous. She was
beautiful. She was blurred. Lance could only see her. But there was a
difference. This time, he knew he was dreaming. He wouldn't have to wake up
surprised this time.
   The common hills where he had dreamed of Nick seemed darker in the shadows
and brighter in the light. It was quite clearly meant to be surreal- or that
was how he perceived it. He felt himself staring at her. She had no
expression outside of staring back. It was eerie if not anything else.
   Lance decided he had to talk to her- to see what was going on. "Who are
you?" he asked her softly. There was no change. She just stood still as the
hair around her head swayed in the breeze.
   "I don't know what you want from me." He shook his head and searched her
vacant mannerisms for some indication as to why she was haunting him in this
way. Again, there was nothing. He longed for the pressuring images of Nick's
toned body lounging just beyond his grasp. That may have been maddening, but
at least he understood it.
   He took a step closer to the woman. Her head tilted slightly and her
vision readjusted to where he was standing. This alteration of expression
gave Lance something to go on. At least he knew she was focusing on him. He
sighed and looked right into her eyes.
   There was suddenly a feeling of rushing wind and a sweet, lilting voice
entered Lance's mind. "Time has no meaning here." Her mouth never moved but
he knew the sounds were coming from her. He did not know what she meant.
   "In this dream?" Lance asked her. "Time means nothing? What does that
mean?" There was another silence. He remembered how he got her to respond the
first time and he stared into her eyes again. They were constantly shifting
colors.
   "You will not leave here until you're ready." Her voice said.
   Lance just looked at her. ~I'll never be able to leave my own dream?~ He
thought. She nodded slowly and he finally realized she was in his mind as
much as she was in his dream. He smiled to himself at the irony. What he
didn't understand was why she was keeping him here (or if she even could).
Was there some reason? Did she know something he didn't?
   "You're not happy."
   "What?"
   She slowly closed her eyes and the dim background turned directly to
black. Lance was confused now. What part of his consciousness was she here to
represent?
   Lance tried to look to the mysterious woman's eyes but they remained shut.
"Not happy? What do you want me to do about it?"
   "You will understand." The voice swirled around him.
   Lance's eyes fluttered as an expression of intense concentration appeared
across his face. Joey leaned back on the couch and smiled.
   "You owe me ten bucks, Chris!" Joey called back to the aft section of the
plane.
   "No way!" Chris came rushing to the front and looked at Lance. "How does
he do that?"
   "I don't care how he does it..." Joey smiled. "But he's asleep less than
ten minutes after we're in the air- so you owe me ten bucks!"
   "I'd gladly pay him for the ability to sleep so quickly." Chris shook his
head.
   Lance had amazed everyone without his knowledge by being able to drift
into sleep faster than anyone anywhere. Chris plopped down next to Joey and
watched Lance on the other side of the plane. They were silent for a few
moments.
   JC walked past the doorway leading to the lounge and kept going. He ducked
his head back inside and looked at the three silent friends. He noticed Lance
was sleeping and whispered, "What's going on?"
   "Lance is asleep." Chris answered without moving his head.
   "So soon? You owe Joey ten bucks." JC grinned and moved back to the front
of the plane where Justin was just hanging up the phone.
   "On the phone already? You could have waited... The plane ride to Hawaii
takes a long time." JC sat down in one of the revolving chairs near the
observation window.
   "I waited as long as I could..." Justin sighed and shut his eyes. "How
long will we be up here?"
   "I think its like 13 hours. I have no idea." JC watched the large clouds
creep by. The low hum of the aircraft soothed his senses. "So how's Nick?"
   Justin loved hearing the name. He just let his cheeks turn red as he
smiled from ear to ear. "He's just fine. As a matter of fact- he's writing me
a letter."
   "Well isn't that romantic." JC laughed. "Maybe we should wake up Lance so
we can all celebrate." He rolled his eyes.
   Justin's eyes shot open and he looked to his watch. He stood up and rushed
to the doorway. JC looked on in surprise. "Chris!" Justin called back, "Pay
Joey!"

==============================================================================

   The orange sun spread its majesty across the sky and enveloped the entire
plane in a bright glow. It was setting very slowly and covered the earth with
a multicolored display of nature and spectacle. Lance was still out cold but
he'd be able to witness the beautiful scene on videotape as Chris recorded
the end of the day out the window on his handheld camera.
   "What do we have to eat around here?" Joey's voice exploded from the
lounge. Justin, who was attempting to get sleep as well, sat up as Joey
barreled in angrily. It was obvious that he had been drinking again.
   "Check the kitchen, Joe. Then go to the bunk and relax, all right?" Justin
calmly suggested.
   "Don't tell me what to do."
   JC came into the back and looked at them. He nodded to himself and
approached Joey quietly. "What are you in the mood for?" he asked.
   Joey flinched as JC spoke. He dropped his silver flask and cursed to
himself. "I'm fuckin' hungry... we don't have shit on this thing."
   "Tell me what you want, Joe."
   He held his forehead and leaned over to get his drink. He stumbled
slightly and grabbed the chair to steady himself. "Peanuts... somethin'..."
he mumbled.
   Justin looked over to JC. How ironic. He craved peanuts on a plane- and
they didn't have any. The cabinets were usually well stocked but now and
again, the little things were left out. There was no reason to be self
indulgent- but Joey didn't have that viewpoint after drinking a little too
much. He wanted what he wanted. Fortunately he didn't have access to a door
or he'd decompress the aircraft in search of Planter's cashews.
   All the rest of the group had gotten used to this side of Joe. They didn't
know how to approach it. They didn't know how to handle it. They were
superstars- was it in their power to limit one of their own due to something
that no one had control over?
   Joey lost his balance and landed on his side on the floor. He grunted to
himself and began to laugh. "Are we crashing?" he chuckled.
   "Something like that." Justin said under his breath as he grabbed a shirt
and hopped off of the couch. He kneeled down next to Joey and smiled with
him, feigning encouragement. He took the flask away from his hand and tossed
it to JC. The great orange light was slowly fading to black as the sun
disappeared over the distant horizon. Artificial light took over in the cabin.
   "I'm just hungry." Joe groaned. He sat himself up after several attempts
and held his head in his hands. No one liked dealing with this side of his
personality. It was self destructive, cruel, unstoppable, irrational and far
too frequently portrayed. JC wished he could just stop Joe from drinking all
together. The one time he had tried that, though, he nearly got his skull
smashed open. Violence was the most common response to Joey's moods while
drunk.
   Justin knew he had to humor him. It worked for a few minutes anyway. Joe
was soon looking for his flask again and his voice was getting louder. He got
himself standing and Justin tried to calm him down. "Get out of my way!" Joe
shouted. His eyes were fiery and his commonly flamboyant hair was flattened
down.
   He suddenly shoved JC who dropped the silver bottle to the floor.
"Don't... Don't touch my stuff!" He drew back his fist to strike JC but saw
Chris standing at the end of the corridor with his camera rolling. He cursed
under his breath and lumbered into one of the bunks, slamming the door behind
him.
   Chris turned off the camera and looked at JC who was not moving at all.
"Déjà vu, eh, JC?" Chris' face was very serious and foreboding. Lance, who
was drowsily awakening, and getting his bearings to reality, looked over to
Chris.
   "What's going on?"
   "Joey's plastered." He said gruffly.
   "You owe me ten bucks."

==============================================================================

   The pot of coffee made its way around the lounge and emptied into Chris'
mug. The deep black windows surrounded the four boys and the dim lights from
around the room glowed individually. Joey had silently drank himself into
unconsciousness. They were all grateful that he would be quiet for a while.
   "How long are we going to avoid talking about this?" Chris sipped his
black beverage grimly.
   "There's nothing to say." JC shot back.
   Everyone looked at him and considered his response with silent
speculation. Joe had always seemed to take his frustration out on JC. Why
would he be so nondescript about the situation?
   "Joey needs help."Lance yawned.
   "This isn't an afterschool special, ok?" JC gulped down some coffee. "If
he thinks he needs help, then he can go for it himself."
   "You know more than any of us that he won't remember any of this when he
wakes up, JC." Justin stated. "He won't get help when he thinks he's fine."
   "Well we can't blame him for that logic." Chris rolled his eyes.
   "Its an age-old story, guys. I can't think of any way to stop this." Lance
shrugged and ran his hand through his floppy hair.
   "Talking to him while he's sober couldn't hurt." Chris stood up and began
brewing more coffee- this time a french vanilla blend.
   "Listen, we all have vices, okay? Leave it alone for now." JC clearly
stated.
   "He's struck you twice already, man." Justin pointed out as he laid out on
the floor. "You're the last one to be defending him."
   "Let's just say I understand him. Drinking to excess is stupid- even Joey
knows that." JC spoke in retrospective monotone. "Its been going on for a
while- but it can still die down. Like a phase."
   "I don't think it will unless we step in." Chris downed his mug.
   They were all quiet again. Justin began tapping on his cup as the others
slowly let fatigue set into them. It was not particularly late but they had
been on the plane for a rather long stretch.
   Each of them felt a great deal of concern for their friend and bandmate.
He had provided great amounts of laughs and insightful advice to them all in
the past. Could they merely accept the flaw he was showing off here or was it
their place to take action to help him? No one knew the response.
   Chris felt it deep inside that he needed to aid Joey. They had been close
friends for a long time and been through a lot. They were the only two who
presently knew about the recent stalker incidents and relied on each other
for a lot. Chris was strong enough to convince Joe but not enough to break
him without the others.
   Lance had his own dramas to worry about. He barely felt like he was even
among them. The words of his female spectre rang true. The world and people
around him seemed hazy and nearly unreal. He cared for Joey, of course, but
he lacked the focus right now to do anything about it.
   Justin saw that his life was going too well for everything to be in
harmony. He had chosen to ignore Joe's problem. He had seen it develop over
the course of their tours and his friend's hotel minibar raids. He didn't
want to blame himself for the spiraling decline but he did seem to house a
spark of guilt. That would do him no good, though. He could cover that up
too, if need be. Guilt. He agreed with Chris but all he could think about was
being with Nick again.
   JC finished his coffee and poured milk into the empty cup. He could very
well hate Joe. He could have said, "Enough is enough" and filed a complaint
or poisoned his food or something... But he wasn't going to bother. He was
never going to. He had seen alcoholism before... He was glad that Joey wasn't
taking it out on anyone smaller or helpless. The bruises he got would always
heal- especially when he knew he was taking the place of someone who couldn't
fight back.
   Chris began fiddling with his camcorder and began looking out into the
black sky. "Storms ahead, me mates." he grumbled. Lance leaned toward the
window and watched the dark grey clouds swirling past dimly. It was one of
his worst nightmares to be in a plane crash. Weather difficulties weren't
giving him any confidences.
   "How much longer until Hawaii?" Lance swallowed. A streak of lightning
illuminated the outer hull of the plane and everyone got a little startled.
"Does anyone know?" Lance was edgy. They were told that they might encounter
rough conditions, but they were hoping it wouldn't come to pass.
   "Don't sweat it,Lancey..." JC put on a sympathetic grin (though he too
felt some panic). "We'll go above the worst of it and land soon..."
   Chris focused his camera on JC and announced in a fake narrator's voice,
"And those were the last words spoken before the explosion of flight 666! Dum
duum Doom!"
   Justin put his hand in front of the lens and shook his head. "Cut it out.
That isn't going to help..." Another blast of lightning inverted the light
around them and brightened the darkness and silhouetted the light. There was
a pause of complete blackout and a few red lights flickered on. The speakers
clicked on.
   "We got a power surge, boys- but there's nothing to worry about. Our
systems are regulating. You might lose some light but it'll all be fine." The
pilot explained. "Relax and we'll keep you informed."
   Lance was gritting his teeth and clenching his fists. He wished he could
be back in his dream. Intuitively he knew he had never left... he constantly
saw the face of his woman. He had been awakened for some reason. He must have
been needed here.
   "Please shut off the camera,Chris- I'd rather not have a record of our
version of the three-hour-tour." JC poured the cold coffee into his cup. He
smacked the top of the coffee maker for power but failed to get a response.
"This is why I demand everything runs on Duracel..."
   The blurry red light was slowly giving Justin a headache. He began to do
some stretches as he laid back. He shut his eyes and blocked out the stress.
If he had enough room to do a few somersaults, he would have tried it. That
always helped him remain calm. Fortunately he wasn't very concerned with this
flight. Technology amazed him. He knew they'd be fine.
   Chris put the camera bag away and walked close to the corridor that led to
the bunks. He listened for any sign of life from Joey's cabin. He was
grateful to know that his friend was sleeping off the brunt of his disorder.
   There was a sharp jolt to the plane that sent everyone off balance. Justin
slid towards the wall and Chris slammed into the doorway. JC steadied himself
and looked to make sure Lance was all right. At least there was no vomiting
yet. The storm clouds outside grew thicker and more brutal. They felt the
aircraft accelerate under the deckplates.
   The copilot, Jeff, stepped into the aft lounge and gave a soothing smile.
"Sorry about the bumps... We don't make the wind. Everything okay back here?"
   "I'd rather know that everything's okay up there." Chris stood up.
   "There's no reason to be worried, yet." Jeff responded. It was the word
'yet' that lingered. "Navigating these storm patterns can get tricky- but
we'll be in Hawaii in no time. I recommend you try sleeping through it."
   "Just don't take that advice yourself." Justin smiled to the pilot. He
tipped his hat and made his way back to the cockpit. A few lights returned.
   Heavy water droplets cascaded across the thick glass surrounding the
luxurious craft. They were passing through the clouds that formed the rain
and ice. It was pummeling them- but not enough to cause treacherous damage.
Justin stood at the observation port and watched nature in action. *NSync had
flown all over the world. He could trust this plane and the ones in charge of
it. But how were the forces of the universe feeling towards that? Was there
an air of predestination here? Was fate about to play its hand?
   "How about some poker, lads?" JC called out.
   Perhaps fate could be bluffed for now. Justin joined his friends- but made
sure to face the window in case there was something in the rain he was meant
to see. He entered his ante.

==========================================================================

   They had been tossed across the sky. They had escaped tumultuous wind
tunnels and pressurizing clouds. They had also all fallen asleep. Playing
cards could only entertain them for a little while before losing its steam.
Especially when you could only bet pretzels and water bottles.
   Lance was the first to drift away, mumbling something about his phantom
mistress. It was unfortunate too, because he had a full house.
   Justin slowly sat up, an ace of hearts sticking to his cheek. It toppled
down to the floor as he rubbed his left eye and yawned. He nearly forgot he
was still on the plane. He didn't hear the rumbling of the clouds or the
groaning of the engine. He looked up and saw that they were no longer deep
within a dangerous storm. The dark grey clouds sank beneath the plane and a
blue and yellow sky stretched out in front of them. They rose above the
whirlwinds. A red sun gleamed lower than the plane and seemed to be sleeping
as well.
   It was almost hard to believe that such a violent melee was occurring less
than a hundred feet below them. Justin stood up and crossed over to the port,
making sure not to trip over JC's slumbering body. Nick had told him once
about the beautiful scenes he witnessed by himself in early morning vistas.
Perhaps he was being inspired by his new boyfriend without even being near
him. If only he could rouse Chris and get this on film... but he was content
to watch alone. It made him feel closer to himself- and surprisingly closer
to understanding what Nick meant.
   How many people could say that they saw this picture on this morning? It
was unique. He was seeing it and he would be able to share the experience
through his mind's eye. Words would escape him when he attempted describing
this later but for now it was breathtaking- and that was enough.
   While looking out, he remembered a lesson he had learned once from JC.
Back before they had made it big, each of them held petty little jobs just to
keep some cash flow in their lives. JC was a waiter in a catering hall for a
short time. He used to put up with angry patrons and picky attendants every
weekend. After they left and the last song was spun, his work was still not
done. He would have to set up for the next occasion no matter how late the
party let out.
   JC had told Justin about one table... It remained in the storage room next
to the tallest stacks of chairs. Whenever the floor plan called for a new
table, he used to pick this one up and lug it from the back room, through the
kitchen, down the most tightest angles and into the party space. By the time
he got it in there, he realized the rear legs were broken.
   This wouldn't have meant anything, except JC didn't only do it once or
twice but he did it almost every time. It was actually a joking matter by the
time he quit. The owners of the hall could have discarded the old damaged
table but instead, it lingered in the back and was mistaken for a usable
material over and over again. Carrying the bulky piece of garbage could have
been avoided had it not been amongst the functioning tables. But the whole
experience was yet another metaphor for life.
   Justin considered the table and how some people could feel as if they were
castaways. Lifted up and dragged about only to be stuffed in the same place
again. That dance, though, was important. The cycle of interest, travel,
trial and rejection repeated in many walks of life and always set you back in
a state of disarray. Into that back room. You may feel broken but you get
back from it. Justin thought of his exboyfriend. The tiresome groupie who
fell in love with the glamour and pomp of stardom. He missed him. He knew it
was an unhealthy, unstable, and unworthy relationship but it did help him to
appreciate himself.
   The endless sky in front of him dazzled across the color spectrum and
seemed to be performing for him. Performing in a voice that would put their
talents to shame. He felt the beauty of nature and the spirit of the very
moment actually living inside of his body. The cycle led to wonders such as
this- even if you have to trip to achieve it. Justin put his palm up against
the glass- wishing he could actually touch the magical powers before him. The
plane entered a wide, thick cluster of clouds and the brilliant shades
disappeared.
   His eyes remained transfixed on the sky and then he pulled himself back
inside. The calm, serene lounge came into focus. His sleeping friends all
seemed so peaceful and controlled. He loved these guys... but probably not
enough to let them in on his little secret affair with Nick. Not just yet
anyway. He looked at JC and smiled. He was most comfortable around him. The
twisting cycle of life had affected them all in ways that would be with them
for the rest of their lives. And Justin knew that JC would always be there to
pick him back up- just like the table that was surely still stacked neatly
with the chairs in that cozy back room.

====================================================================

   "We're coming up on our arrival time fellas..." Jeff's voice announced.
"You'll have quite a welcoming party to deal with, so get yourself composed.
I'd say you have about twenty more minutes."
   Chris put down the cardboard envelope that held elevator stills from the
Marriot hotel and took a coin from his pocket. He looked at JC who
reluctantly nodded.
   "Tails!" JC called out quickly as Chris flipped the coin. The quarter
sailed back down and Chris caught it expertly. He turned it over onto his arm
and looked under his palm.
   "Its heads. You lose, JC." Chris laughed.
   "Why do we have to wake Joey up at all. Maybe the press won't notice if
its just four of us." JC whined.
   "Sore loser!"
   "No,I'm not- but if he's got a nasty hangover, I will be the one to get
sore."
   "Good point." Chris rose. "I'll wake him. You can try to smack some life
into Lance..."
   JC leaned back and stretched his legs across the couch. He looked over to
Lance. "Why has he been so exhausted? He doesn't do anymore than the rest of
us..."
   "He'd get tired if all he had to do was sleep... Its the way he is. I
admire his tenacity." Chris made his way down the hallway to where Joe had
closed himself up.
   "Justin- are you all right?" JC stood up and looked to the boy sitting by
the window.
   "Oh yeah, I'm fine. I'm just thinking..."
   "Anything you need assistance with?"
   Justin shook his head as he thought. "I don't think so. I'm just wondering
how I got so lucky."
   JC smiled. "Its always good to have that realization. I say praise the
maker and try not to take it for granted."
   "Are you happy, JC?"
   There was a long pause as they stared at each other. JC inhaled and said,
"As long as I don't have to worry about you."
   "But are you, yourself,happy?"
   JC sat back down and looked at his hands for a moment. He opened his mouth
to speak and Joey entered the room. Attention switched over to him. He looked
very ragged and discombobulated. The bags under his eyes were dark and heavy.
A pair of blue sunglasses were tucked securely in his shirt pocket. They
would be used to also hide the bloodshot boundaries around his pupils.
   "Hey guys," he nodded roughly. "I guess I didn't get over my fear of
flying yet again." He laughed to himself and moaned as he sat down. The other
four looked to each other knowingly and let it slide once more. Lance sat up
with a startle and stared at the ceiling.
   "Morning, sunshine." Chris grinned.
   Lance looked over to Chris and got his bearings. He looked a bit
bewildered, but not totally aloof. He turned and saw JC standing by Justin.
The memory of his last vision slowly sank behind his mind. The faces looked
familiar finally. He saw what he had to see.
   "We'll be setting down soon, you might as well get dressed." Chris
suggested. Lance smiled and rubbed his temples.
   "Its so beautiful." Justin marveled as he surveyed the crystal clear
waters and undisturbed sand banks below. The hills and coral reefs in the
distance outlined a picturesque postcard of tropical wonderment. "Aren't we
having a photo-shoot on those beaches?"
   "Probably." JC chuckled. "Why would a magazine want to pass up a chance to
snap those shots...'*NSync can't sink- the Hawaii files'..."
   "Well I want copies of them all. The nature down here is amazing... Nick
would really love it."
   JC licked his lips and shook his head in agreement. No one else had had
this effect on his friend and he was certainly glad he was seeing it happen
to Justin. No one else really deserved it more.
   The speaker system crackled to life again and the pilot's voice entered.
"We'd like you to be seated as he make our approach. Its safer and we
wouldn't want anything to happen to you!"
   Justin took one more look out of the window as he made his way back to the
couch. These planes did have their perks... He was looking forward to this
experience and the performance he was getting the opportunity to participate
in. He buckled himself safely down and watched Joey wane into and out of
sleep. That problem was one they were all going to have to deal with some
other time. Hopefully it wouldn't get in the way.
   The airplane hit the ground and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. They
were back on the ground and no longer puppets in the sky, much like the ones
in their concerts. They would be going out and meeting with the public
shortly. Justin couldn't wait... but he was more looking forward to getting
back to the continental states and seeing Nick again. That was surely worth
being happy about. So many possibilities.

=========================================================================

    Well its not a climactic ending to a chapter but the next one occurs one
month later, so I saw it necessary to move it along with a sense of hope than
distress. Suspense can only carry us so far! Send all mail to Kevin at
BrwyDevil@aol.com and thanks for being patient!