Date: Tue, 5 Oct 1999 02:38:45 EDT
From: Brwydevil@aol.com
Subject: Boys Bands: Running Thoughts 2

    Welcome to the second part. Updates will come whenever I have big tests.
Its easy to sit online and type away a story in order to avoid
anthropology... Anyway, I would like to thank those who responded to the
first chapter. Keep up the comments. They are great!
    I need to tell you that this following story does not mean to imply
anything at all about the members of the respected band included. N'Sync and
Backstreet Boys members are able to practice any sexual activities they
choose... and they can exist in any closet they want! I have sent my address
and maybe they will visit mine. Anyway... this is pure fiction. Enjoy and
email at BrwyDevil@aol.com!

                    Running Thoughts Part Two: "Not A Day Goes By"

      The members of N'sync ran from the stage door directly into the white
limo waiting for them. The driver, Randy, closed the door quickly and jogged
to the front of the long car. Screams and clapping were still echoing out of
the L.A. arena. Hoards of fans chased after the car as it sped away.
     Justin, Lance, Chris, JC and Joey were breathing heavily as they leaned
back on the smooth cool leather. It was very tiring being a superstar. When
the five boys finally calmed themselves down, they got more comfortable. JC
took off his boots and tossed them across from his seat. Lance stretched
across the car and nearly hit Chris with his elbow.
   "Hey,sorry..." he chuckled. "We need a bigger limo!"
    The moon roof in the cieling was shining the series of streetlights in a
recurring pattern above them. Justin stared up... watching them. The hotel
was a half an hour away. Everyone was silent for one reason or another. Joey
had fallen asleep. JC was reading a book from a CD case... no one was very
energetic after spending so much of their power out on the stage for the past
three hours.
    The cascade of white light (tinted blue by the roof) shone on Justin's
face. He began to think. It had been three months since they had broken up. A
talented rock star open to the experiences of the entire world and a young
fan who went with them everywhere. Justin missed him. He didn't know if he
was going to or not... They had been quite a secret item for over a year...
and then the dreaded drop in rational communication massacred their hearts.
    He thought about his ex. Was he thinking about me? Does he have someone
new? Does he even care that this has ended? Justin knew the answers to some
of those questions. But there were the others that plauged him... the ones
that may never get answered. "Maybe my love wasn't strong enough to keep us
together," he thought. "Maybe I couldn't give enough."
     "Yo, Justin!" Lance said louder. "Are you listening to me?"
   Justin blinked a few times and turned to his friend. The light in the car
was not a complete dull turquoise. A light above the limo cast this shade
upon them. "We're here!" Lance said.
     The five guys got out of the limo and stepped into the parking garage.
It was deserted except for the scarce security guards around the perimeter.
They walked to the elevator and waited. "What were you thinking about?" Chris
smiled at Justin.
    "Nothing."
    "You were in a trance, man!" Lance shook his head.
    " I am just tired." he answered blandly. The rest of the group shrugged
and boarded the elevator. Lance was looking at Justin with concern in his
eyes. The ride to the eighteenth floor was quiet and quick. They all moved to
the suite and turned on the lights.
   "It's only one in the morning- who's up for some dancing?" Joey asked,
waving his hands in the air.
   "I'm pretty beat."Lance yawned. "You guys go."
   "Yeah." Justin walked towards the window. "I'm not in the mood."
   "Since when?" JC howled.
   "Since tonight." The quick response was hint enough to end the jesting.
Joey, Chris and JC went into the other room and began to talk about their
plans. Lance joined Justin at the window. He looked at his friend's profile
as Justin stared outside. The conversation in the other room became a low
murmur.

    "I know something's up, Jus..." Lance finally broke the silence.
    "It's not a big deal..."Justin answered softly, his eyes transfixed on
the sky.
    "You've been different, you know." Lance stepped away from the window and
leaned against the wall. "You used to party with us... you used to smile."
   "Well, something's catching up with me now."
   "Is that a cue for me to butt out?" Lance sighed.
   "No. I've... I've never talked about it." Justin finally turned towards
Lance. "I don't know how to start."
   "It's about that guy who used to follow around the group, right?"
   "How did you know?" Justin took a step closer- his voice extremely eager.
   "Jus, that guy hung out with you forever... You were close. It's not a big
secret." Lance shrugged. "He just stopped showing up a few months ago- and
you started coming out with us again."
   "Well there's more to it than that." Justin whispered. They were both
quiet again. The other three boys, all dressed up, came out of the adjoining
room. They stood by the little kitchenette and called down for a car. The
noise level was minimal. They waved goodbye after a few minutes and left.
Joey nodded to them hopefully before he closed the door behind himself.

   "Talking would make it easier for you..." Lance moved from the wall to the
bed and took off his sneakers. His feet had been hurting since "Tearin' Up My
Heart".
   "Yeah... talking. I have heard that before. And it is never true."
   "Then you must be afraid of something you're going to say."
   "What are you, a therapist?" Justin laughed.
   "I'm your friend. And I've seen you happier."
   "Maybe you just thought you did."
   "Or maybe you're making excuses to hide what you're feeling."
   "Lance- you wouldn't understand."
   "How much do you bet?" Lance stood up and walked to the desk on the other
side of the bed. "How much do you bet I wouldn't understand?"
    Justin looked to him. There was a sense of forewarning and defene in
Lance's tone. A sense of experience. A sense of knowledge. Justin kept his
eyes on his friend. "You really want to talk to me about this?"
    "Yeah."
   They'd been together for a long time as friends. Justin and Lance had a
closer friendship than any of the other three. Some intimate subjects had
been avoided in the past, but the bulk of their life stories had been shared
over the course of their time. Justin turned around again and looked at the
bright lights of the buildings below. Talking to Lance was dangerous. He
didn't know how his was going to go over. Nor did he know how either of them
were going to face it all.
    "You notice..." Justin began, "that I never bring any girls back to the
hotels after we go out?"
   "Sure. I don't either."
   "Did you ever wonder why?"
  "No... Chris was too busy moaning and panting in the next room for me to
wonder about you. I just guessed you were a nice guy. You know... ready to
have a good time but only having sex if it was out of love. That sort of
thing..."
   "I'm gay." Justin said. It wasn't a whisper or a cry for help. To him, it
was the truth. He refused to turn around after the words left his lips. There
was a slight pause.
   "So?" Lance asked. This was not the answer Justin was expecting. But he
was relieved.
   "I've had my share of girls, man." Justin explained as he moved over to
the chair. "But then I met that guy on the tour... and I guess I just knew
that was what I wanted."
   "Nothing wrong with that."
   "And after a while... I was happy. And it al kinda got a little intense."
   "So then why did you break up?"
   "I'd have to say it was a lot of little things that blew up into a big
one."
   "And now you miss him." Lance stated.
   "Maybe. Either I miss him- or I miss the idea of the relationship." Justin
was leaning forward in his chair now. Talking seemed to be helping. "A good
relationship is like a good song."
   "Ahhh- you have a philosophy?"
   "Yeah. I mean- you can get the best lyrics and the best melody." he
scrunched his brow as he thought. "But without the right climax or the right
final chord... it'll fall apart."
    "You're full of it, Jus..." Lance laughed.
    "No, I'm not."
   "You really beleive that, then?"
   "I know what love is... I've been through it."
   "Well, people change."
   "You know, it's real easy to say that when you're not the one who
changed." Justin defended himself and placed his hand on the top of his head
and sighed.
   "I could give you my advice." Lance took off his jacket and threw it onto
the bed.
   "Anything could help."
   "No matter what type of person you are, you're gonna be changed by being
with someone." Lance shrugged.
   "And some people change in bad ways because they can't focus on the good
things." Justin completed the thought.
   "Yeah, I guess."
     The two became silent and stared into space. The sounds from a party
being thrown down the hall pounded softly through the walls. It was a
Backstreet Boys song. Lance craned his neck to listen for a specific voice...
After a moment, he realized he was next to Justin still. "We're both gonna
find what we deserve, man."Lance smiled slowly.
    Justin nodded back to him. His face was blank. "And the loves we lost
will regret what they gave up." Lance stood.
   "Now- do you beleive that?" Justin asked.
   "I think I do." Lance said, nearly  surprising himself. "Love isn't
something to play around with. If it was real, its not going to go away...
for either of you."
    "Why haven't we talked like this before?" Justin sat up with a grin on
his face.
    "We didn't know we could." Lance sat back down and raised his eyebrows.
"Does this mean we can go shopping together now?"

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=====================

    Lance had fallen asleep watching Nick at Nite. A loud laugh track from
The Brady Bunch wailed away in the background. His vision slowly developed in
his mind. He was dreaming about Nick again... Surprisingly not a sex dream,
this time. Ever since the two groups had become popular, Lance had had an
attraction to Nick Carter.
    He knew nothing would come of it... but he also knew that he loved
dreaming about the possibility. In his mind, as he smiled serenely, he
watched a beautiful green hill highlighted with purple, red, yellow and
orange flowers. He saw Nick, shirtless, laying on a light green blanket. He
was sleeping, with his arms behind his head.
    The sky was so blue, it appeared to be transparent. As if outer space was
crytal clear and the colors above were all coming from the earth itself and
swirling into a plethora of magical wondernment. Lance saw himself. Walking
down the hill. Towards Nick. The warm breeze brushed his shirt to the side.
His chest half exposed.
     Before he could reach the sleeping beauty, he was suddenly awoken by a
loud bang from the next room. He opened his eyes sharply and hopped out of
bed. He was only wearing a pair of red pajama bottoms as he opened the
adjoining door to see what had happened.
    Justin was on the floor holding his ankle. "What happened?" Lance asked
as he rushed to his friend.
   "I stubbed my toe and knocked over my suitcase..." he answered, clearly in
pain. Lance helped Justin to the chair and turned on a light. "I'll be
okay... I was just clumsy." his voice seemed distant.
    "Walk it off... go back to sleep." Lance said groggily. He then noticed
that the other three guys hadn't come back yet. "Hey, Joe, JC and Chris must
be having the time of their lives..."
   "Yeah. I hope they are." Justin rubbed his sore foot. Lance looked at him
again. Something was up... as usual.
   "Whats the matter?"
   "Wanna know why I got out of bed so fast and ran into the dresser?" Justin
asked slowly. Lance just nodded. "I thought I had to call my ex... My mind
got lost for a second, I think. I didn't realize we were broken up... I was
so used to calling him while we were together that it was just natural
reaction..." he explained with a crack in his voice.
    He was really broken up about this. He missed his lover. He missed his
arms. His laugh. His sweet kisses. The little things. The adventures... The
walks. The looks... Justin let a tear fall down his cheek. This surprised
him. He hadn't let himself cry about it before. He thought he could supress
the pain by acting happy. He thought he could avoid getting over the
relationship by looking past his own emotions.
   "Jus... you have only been broken up for like three months..." Lance
kneeled down. "This is gonna be hard but you are going to have to do this. If
you think you should talk to him... do it. If you are so curious and you are
finally feeling these pains inside you... you can't get over it all alone.
And I can't give you the answers you need..."
    Justin nodded and wiped his eye quickly. He gave a reassuring smile to
Lance and breathed deeply. "I'll figure it all out..."
   "Only you can."
   "Hey I am sorry I woke you." Justin said. He got up and walked Lance back
to the entry way to his own room. Lance turned quickly and gave Justin a hug.
"Thanks, man..." the younger one blinked. "I needed that."
    Lance went back in his room to hopefully continue his dream. Justin
walked over to the table by the window and leaned on it. The sunrise was not
going to happen for another hour. He saw the phone on the table and thought
about what Lance had said. He sighed and looked at the sky...

==============================================================================
=================


   I would like to take a moment and point out that a lot of the influence of
this is sprouting from my own life. It is actually specifically aimed at a
break up I have gone through and am having a hard time coping with. An author
on this very site happens to be the lost one... so if there is a chance he
gets to see it, that always means I am another step closer to patching
anything I can.
    I thought it would be appropriate to inform everyone because of the
storyline progression with these characters that may seem either too
realistic or too complicated is derivative from a real life soap opera.
Sympathy and moving on are all helped by my writing. Much love to those who
enjoy what's going on.
    Send anything at all to Kevin at BrwyDevil@aol.com. And if the someone
reads this... you know where I'll be.