Date: Tue, 19 Oct 1999 01:27:15 EDT
From: Brwydevil@aol.com
Subject: Boys Bands: Running Thoughts 5

          Part Five. We are all excited as we should very well be. Time
constraints prevent me from writing this story nonstop but I have been doing
my very best. All of those in the New York area should let me know so you can
travel and see me perform on stage. Until then, I will have you know that
this story you are about to read (or have been reading since part one) is
completely, totally, utterly, without questioningly fictional. The
characters, the conversations and the reality I wish to convey is only
occuring in my mind and from my own little life (just not with these fellas.)
Please enjoy and send all criticisms, suggestions, ideas, praises and
requests to Kevin at BrwyDevil@aol.com. Onward Ho!

                            Running Thoughts Part Five: "Memory"

        AJ slinked from the bedroom, leaving behind one of his t-shirts. She
would miss him when she woke up... but he was confident that she would
understand. He was too famous to be bogged down with one woman in one town.
Nor did he really care to be. There was much to be said for committment, but
he didn't think he could be the type to pull it off. He finished getting
dressed and gathered up his personal items quietly. Tip-toeing from an
occupied bedroom was now a speciality to him. He wondered if that was
something to be proud of...


==============================================================================

       Kevin rolled over in his sleep. The pillow from beneath his head
tumbled down onto the floor. His eyelids were rapidly vibratting. The verves
across his face twitched violently. He was dreaming. He saw himself in his
own house- no lights on anywhere. He was laying on the floor... someone was
right next to him. He felt the skin of his partner brush past his right arm.
For some reason, he could not move. The heat between the bodies was
increasing quickly. Kevin also realized he was quite aroused... he was nearly
aching to release somehow... with someone. He tried deserately to see who was
laying next to him. He tried to speak. He was utterly helpless. Unprotected.
     He suddenly felt the stranger move away and apparently sit up. Kevin
could't see through the darkness but a silohette was moving towards his feet.
He blinked his eyes and struggled to move. There was slowly a sensation of
lips running across his calve. He began to breath deeply. ~Who is that?~ he
thought. The figure moved up and ran their tounge over his stomach.
      Kevin opened his mouth and shuddered. The feelings were amazing- but
the mystery was overwhelming. His throbbing member was soon engulfed by a
warm moist mouth. He was already so close. He moaned out loud. He relaxed
himself. He gave in to the amazing lips and darting tounge that moved up and
down his cock. The stranger slowed down the blowjob. Inch by inch, they
lowered their head onto the meat. Their hands were very carefully and very
lightly grazing Kevin's balls. His entire length was nearly inside the
sucking mouth.The speed began to increase and the head bobbed up and down on
Kevin's groin. His groans were growing louder and more eager. The pleasure he
was feeling reached a new high. He let out a cry and pumped forward into the
waiting partner. As Kevin opened his eyes, he saw a light penetrating the
darkness. Kevin finally saw the face of his lover. He broke out in a cold
sweat and jolted up in his hotel bed.
   "AJ!" he whispered.


==============================================================================
=============

       The hot water sprayed across the ceramic tile. Brian opened the drain
and turned the colder water on. He enjoyed a perfect warm temperature before
showering. He looked into the lengthy mirror as it began to fog up. He
stepped back and smiled at himself. Brian began making faces. He tried to
look smart. Shocked. Angry. Sexy. Smirky. Happy. He chuckled at the
reflection merrily. In a moment, he put his hand into the glass shower stall
tot est the water. He nodded, shed his black boxerbriefs and stepped into the
cascading shower.
     Brian began to hum a song to himself. It was something his mother used
to sing. He couldn't remember the name of it. Or the lyrics. He felt a
breeze. Brian turned around to make sure the window behind him was sealed. He
graved the Ivory soap and began to scrub his chest. He ducked his head
beneath the water and shook from side to side. He shut his eyes tightly.
      When he opened them, ne noticed that the shower door was not open.
Howie stood on the other side, naked and grinning. Brian nearly jumped but
then he started to laugh. "Get in here... I'm lonely." Brian sighed.  He put
a hand through his wet hair. Howie was looking at his boyfriend up and down.
      He stepped inside and shut the door behind him. He got used to the
water and ran his fingertips across Brian's chest. "Why can't we always
shower together?" he whispered.
    "We can... I just didn't want to wake you." Brian leaned over and stuck
his tounge in Howie's mouth. They kissed and Howie embraced his lover
tightly. Their wet bodies blended into each other. They let their hands
wander and linger and they looked into each other's eyes.
    Howie took the bar of soap from Brian and began to wash Brian's back. He
moved it slowly down under the shoulderblades and up towards the neck. He
reached behind Brian and rubbed the water all over his body. They grinded
into each other. Howie nearly slipped but he held on to the wall for support.
The two boys laughed. Balance was difficult under splashing water.
    "You know I love you." Brian said.
    "I know you do." Howie kissed up Brian's neck and moved himself under the
stream of water. The soap ran off of Brian's body. Howie lathered himself up
and grinned as Brian watched him. They didn't get to do this as often as they
would have liked. But the rarity made it extra special.
      Brian and Howie washed each other off and massaged shampoo into each
other's hair and kissed the drops of water off of each others faces. The
showering did not last very long. Howie turned off the warm water and let the
echoes of their dripping  bodies fill the foggy bathroom.
       Brian opened the door to the stall and grabbed a large white towel
from its rung. He wrapped it around Howie and snuggled inside his lovers
arms. "Don't go away" he whispered.
    "Never." Howie dried his hair and grinned. "You look amazing when you're
wet."
    "And how about when I'm not wet?" Brian asked, trying to get as many
compliments as he could.
    "You've never been anything but cute or hot or gorgeous to me, doughboy."
They kissed and dried the water from their bodies. This was surely not the
last time they would shower together.


============================================================================

        Nick placed the next envelope on the pile. He couldn't believe what
he was letting himself do. The fan mail was always an honor to recieve and
each member of the Backstreet Boys appreciated the sentiment, but no one ever
stooped as low as to use the letters as a game of love connection. But being
gay was difficult when it came to making a match. Eighty nine percent of the
envelopes addressed to Nick were from teenaged girls. He smiled and read what
they had to say but it wasn't what he was looking for.
      He was looking for the other percent. The teenage boys who had the
courage to give the fanmail approach a try.  Most of them came without
pictures. But they all contained some level of flirtatious hints. Nick hated
flirts but it was necessary in this line of life. He wished it would be easy
to locate an interesting attractive guy for himself... someone who was an
equal to him in as many ways as possible. He did not, however, realize the
numbers for that specific type of guy were quite low. Nick decided to be an
optimist.
      He looked over at the clock and saw it was already past noon. He had
been browsing letters for hours. Nick rose from the chair and stretched his
arms. They had a meeting to attend. He removed his shirt and headed towards
the bathroom. As he walked, a slip of paper fell from the front of his
discarded shirt. It must have been mixed in with the envelopes. He bent over
to pick it up. The small bit of paper only had a single name written on it.
     "I like that name..." Nick thought. "Justin."


============================================================================

         Joey layed back and closed his eyes. He had never felt so tired
before. As soon as he shut out the light, he fell right to sleep. He and JC
had gone clubbing after the concert again. Usually it was an energizing
experience- even when the crowds didn't recognize them. But tonight was
different somehow. He wasn't completely into it. JC and Joey were just
drained. This type of thing was unexpected, but it did occur.
     Everything catches up to you. Wired performances followed by endless
romps through the city were finally taking their toll. But after a good
nights sleep, he was sure he'd be up for another week of action. At least he
hoped so. Joey had been bringing back people to his hotel room ever since
N'Sync started touring. No one really questioned his one night stands. He had
had men and women and sometimes both...
      Joey was always one for experimentation. This was one of the first
times ever that he took the entire bed up by himself. The door to his room
slowly opened and Chris peered inside. He was as quiet as could be. He let
his eyes adjust and he looked at the bed. He raised his eyebrows in surprise.
It was the first time he could remember seeing only one person in Joey's bed.
Chris tip-toed back out and returned to the other part of the suite.  Lance
was reading a book in the corner, nearest the window.
    "No guests for Joey?" Chris asked as he sat down on the couch.
    " Apparently not." Lance did not look up. "I think JC has two, though."
    "Sex is too important in our society." Chris yawned. Lance broke his
concentration for the sci-fi novel and stared at Chris.
    "Excuse me?"
   No one would have predicted Chris to say something like that. Apparently
he was full of surprises. Everyone was noticing the metamorphosis he was
developing through. Or perhaps it was merely a side of him that no one had
seen before.
    "Sex,man. It's overblown. It's focused on too much, you know?" Chris
explained. Lance closed his book and placed it next to him.
    "I would agree with that." he leaned forward.
    "I'm happy to get a lot of it..." Chris seemed very rational. "But when
you look at it, it's pretty unimportant. People live without it."
    "Yes, they do."
    "I wouldn't want to... but I am just saying." he shrugged his shoulders.
Lance was quiet for some time. He bit his lower lip as he looked passively at
his friend, Chris.
    "Any more tidbits of society you'd like to share?" Lance asked.
    "As a matter of fact, "Chris turned towards Lance, "I think people are
too selfish..."
    "Are you a sociologist now?"
    "I mean," Chris continued, "In previous generations, people always helped
other people because they wanted to... nowadays everyone focuses on
themselves and how they can get whatever they want. Its all about rushing and
selfindulgences." Chris spoke quickly. "The respect and honor associated with
marriage has lost all meaning... at least that is what we see with our own
president and fellows like Don Trump... You know, divorce and separation
rates are higher than the ability to make things work or the existence of
real relationships." He was on a roll. "And I'm not a role model... but I can
see that sex is a driving force for the immorality and unfaithfulness we see
in nearly every failing couple around us."
     Lance was flabbergasted to say the least. The outer image of Chris only
showed a shallow fashionplate. There were volumes there, never seen by the
public- or anyone else in the band. He listened to the wise philosophies
quite intently and then rose from his chair.
    "I think everyone is entitled to make their own mistakes." Lance said.
"So long as they realize they were wrong and own up to their own flaws. No
one is perfect and nothing lasts forever."
    "Yeah." Chris grunted. "But what if they don't realize their own mistakes
or face the consequences of their actions?"
   "Then it will catch up to them. What must be done, must be done."
   "Well I just think all of that is sad." Chris layed back on the couch.
   "Are you going to do something about the way we live?"
   "No one person has the ability to change how things are." Chris sounded
depressed to admit that.
   "You're probably right." Lance nodded. "But if what you're saying is the
truth, then whats the future for us?"
   "Self-destruction." Chris answered realistically.
   " I have to say- I never knew you were so deep." Lance said after a pause.
   "No one ever asked."
       Chris sat on the couch quite nonchalantly. His personality was
multilayered. The members of the band were only beginning to see the
intelligence he possessed. Lance admired the breaking down of this wall. He
was glad to see past the simple side that Chris was always shown them.
     "What are your plans now?" Lance sat back down and lifted up his book.
     "I'm supposed to bring Justin out... he's getting ready."
     "Do you think he's ready to go out?"
     "Well he was happy when he was with his ex... then he got depressed when
he was with his ex... then he got happy without his ex... and now he is
depressed that he is alone."
     "He is definetly lonely. He is a changed person."
     "Then I'll have to cheer him up again." Chris rose from the couch and
looked at himself in the mirror.
      "Don't keep him out too late... we're headed for New York tomorrow."
Lance warned.
      "Hey, thats the city that never sleeps! Why should I?" Chris winked
slyly and then he went off to get Justin.


============================================================================

           His next CD softly played in the background. He had been listening
to music for quite some time. This was the third selection now. Justin
slipped the black silk shirt over his head and let it slide over his body. He
looped the belt through his black jeans and tied his black sneakers. He
looked in the mirror and realized how morosely he was dressed. I'll blend
into the walls at any club we go to, he thought.

    I'm through with love  I'll never fall again
    Said adieu to love       Don't ever call again
    For I must have you or noone
    And so I'm through with love
    I've locked my heart
    I'll keep my feelings there
    I've stocked my heart with icy frigid air
    And I mean to fall for noone, because I'm through with love.

          The song slowly swayed and lilted dramatically. Justin took in the
lyrics and stared at his own reflection. The dark clothes hiding his light
features. The loose cloth taking away from his shape. He looked deeply into
his own eyes. He let himself lose focus. He did not move.

    Why did you lead me to think you could care
    You didn't need me cause you had your share
    All friends around you to hound you and swear
    With deep emotion, devotion to you
    Goodbye to spring and all it meant to me
    It could never bring the things it used to be
    For I must have you or noone
    And so I'm through with love...

         There came a knock on the door and Justin snapped back into reality.
He wasn't completely pleased with how he was dressed, but he knew this was
just a trial run so it was going to have to be acceptable. He turned off the
CD player and opened the door. "The city awaits." Chris grinned.
    Justin nodded, looked back at his dim hotel room and closed the door
reluctantly behind him.

=============================================================================
=======

      Nick put his hat on backwards and laced up his white sneakers. He put
the scrap of paper in his pocket and opened the door. He began to jog in
place as he looked for security in the hallway. When the coast was clear, he
darted past the elevators and to the stairwell next to them. It was quicker
and more exhilirating to run down stairs than it would be to wait for a lift.
    When he finally reached the bottom floor, he held his head low and jogged
out of the entrance and down the nearest sidestreet. He knew he had to be
back in less than hour. He knew they would be leaving for New York soon...
but he had some thinking to do.
      The tall buildings he saw were tiny compared to what was waiting for
him in the Big Apple. He let the rhythm of his sneakers on the pavement
become steady and intense. He felt the wind rush into his face. He did not
feel alone.


===============================================================================
===================

    Okay... thats one of the longer segments and all it really did was create
more scandal and mystery. Ahhhh... the power I yield! Well then, I would like
to stress that my morals as a human being only imply that sex should be
between loving partners and that promiscuity is unappealing and unnecessary.
If you are happy, then I am sure none of this personal belief matters. I just
think it is important for me to say it due to the nature of these stories.
Any sex that is displayed may not follow this ethic, but I personally think
all intimacy should be out of love. The end. :) Email or IM me at
BrwyDevil@aol.com. Until next time.