Date: Fri, 7 Dec 2001 04:36:52 -0000
From: svjsr@hotmail.com
Subject: Sans Vous, Je Suis Rien - Part Four

Please send your comments to me, I will read, reply and take them onboard.

I write fiction; I do not know what the people mentioned in this story are
like in reality, nor do I care (real people are too boring to write
about!).

Please note: I neither support nor condemn the use of recreational drugs.
They are neither good nor bad; they're just molecules after all.  But for
heaven's sake read-up on what goes into drugs and their side effects before
you decide to put your life on the line by taking them.

Chapter Ten

The interview for the newspaper went without a hitch, although eyebrows
were raised when Justin followed me into the room.  That all happened two
hours ago, now Justin and I were sitting in a small room in a coffee shop for
my interview with 'The Gay Times'.  Laura was chatting into her mobile on the
other side of the shop about her other clients, as she had been doing all
morning.  The idea, it seemed, was to have an informal interview whilst the
photographer took some simple pictures, nothing fancy.

Two guys walked into the hired-out shop, the interviewer and photographer.

"Hello.  I'm Daniel and this is Greg," said the guy without the camera.

"Hi" I replied, "I'm Darren and this is Justin.  It's nice to meet you both."

"Hello" Justin added from where he was sitting beside me nursing a latte.

"Well, shall we begin?" asked the reporter as he sat down opposite Justin and
I and pulled out his Dictaphone.

The interview progressed reasonably well.  Justin was forced to move in order
that Greg could get the shots he wanted without getting Justin in them.  That
left Daniel and I chatting over our mugs of coffee.

"Hey" Daniel said as if remembering something, "I thought you might want to
take a look at this" with that he produced a copy of a UK tabloid from his bag
and handed it to me.

"Not another paper taking cheap shots I hope" I said with a joking reference to
the story ran by the local paper the day before.

"No, this is something else completely.  It's on page six"

I flicked to the correct page and there was another headline I will never forget:

'Dishing The Dirt: Darren Gallouedec my Ex'

I scanned the page quickly, ignoring the large and unflattering picture of me
and the general text of the article.  I inhaled sharply as my eye caught the
small picture of the source for the story, Peter Baynon.  Daniel and Greg had
stopped for a while in order to give me time to read the article, which was a
good thing because my eyes remained staring at the face of my old school
bully.  My preoccupation with the photo would have sparked unwanted
questions concerning the 'friendship' between Peter and I if Daniel and Greg
had been paying attention.  The quiet in the coffee shop obviously disturbed
Justin because when I glanced up to try and begin my answer he was looking
at me in concern.  I smiled slightly to ease his feelings before turning my
attention back to the interview.

"There's really nothing to tell" I began.

"So it's all lies?" Daniel prompted.

"No.  I did go to school with him and we were in the same year but we never
were together" I finished.

"So you're saying what this Pete guy has been saying about you and him is
false"

"Yes"

"An that's an exclusive is it?" Daniel's voice sounded more excited now.

"Yes" I answered reluctantly, realising that Daniel was not showing me the
article for my benefit and, in fact, was solely interested in getting a good story
out of me.  I managed to force a smile, which Greg promptly photographed.
Laura, who had just finished her marathon phone call, noticed my unease at
the direction of questioning and stepped in.

"I think we'll have to end soon if you don't mind" she politely said as she
approached to where we were sitting, "We have another appointment which
we can't be late for"

"Well, I think we have enough" Daniel said, stopping his Dictaphone.  "Thank
you Darren," he said to me before turning back to Laura "We'll send you a
copy of the layout before we print."  With that Laura, Greg and Daniel
wandered off and out of the shop, leaving Justin and I behind.

"Hey" Justin said as he stood up and walked back to his old seat, "What's in
the papers now?"  He indicated the newspaper that I was still holding.

"Oh, nothing really.  Just a story from someone claiming to be a former lover
of mine."

Justin made a quick noise.

"We said the women wouldn't keep their mouths closed for long," he said as
he peered over to read the article.

"It's not a woman" I replied flatly, moving my arm so Justin didn't have to lean-
over to read it.

"Hey!" Justin said after a couple of seconds of reading, "That guy's the one
who used to beat you up!"

"Yeah" I sighed, "That's what threw me when I saw it."

"Well, it's all lies then" Justin said as he glanced up from his reading to check
my eyes for sincerity.  "You never had sex with him, let alone dated the guy
did you?"

"Ahm... Yes, err no.  We never dated, no.  And I never slept with him either." I
said trying to hide my continued unease with the topic.  Justin glanced up
again after my faltering answer, his eyes maintained contact for a second or
two before returning to the newspaper text obviously finding what they were
looking for in my eyes.

"Hey, you two!" Laura shouted from the cafe door, "We've gotta go to make
this TV thing"

Justin and I both got up and walked out of the coffee shop and into our car,
Justin still carrying the paper.


I squeezed out of the opening lift doors and into the first floor corridor of the
TV station.  In my anxiety I stormed off down the hallway before Justin could
catch up.  I turned a corner and was faced by Joey and Chris chatting in the
hall.  I stopped dead in my tracks as they both noticed my presence; Joey's
expression barely changed whereas Chris's immediately became cold and
distant.  Before I even opened my mouth he turned, storming off into a room,
which I guessed to be a dressing room.  Just as the door slammed behind
Chris, Justin caught up with me.

"Hey..." Justin stopped short upon seeing Chris and feeling the tension in the
air that had been left by Chris.  "Come on" Justin said grabbing my arm and
pulling me past Joey.

"Hey!" I exclaimed yanking my arm away from Justin.

"Darren..." Joey began before being cut off by Justin.

"You said enough last night and this morning Joey.  Don't begin it all again
now!" Justin barked, shocking me with the ferocity in his tone.

"Justin..." Joey tried to speak again, but was stopped as before.

"Stop already Joe!" Justin said.  Joey admitted defeat and pushed between
Justin and I maintaining eye contact with me before disappearing into the
room Chris had gone into.

"What's going on?"  I demanded.

"Well Joey..." Justin began.

"Not with him, with you!"

"What?"

"Why did you stop me talking to Joey?"

"Well you didn't hear what was said last night!" Justin said trying to defend his
actions.

"Did Joey say something about me?"

"Not really.  But he supported Chris!"

"I support Chris" I replied causing a very confused look to cover Justin's face,
"You guys need a serious talk about what's going on" I elaborated.

"How can you support him?" Justin asked.

"I... I just think that before I joined the tour you guys were all really good
friends, and now look at you all.  It's like I'm some kind of poison."

"It has nothing to do with you Darren," Justin said, leaning across to place his
hand on my shoulder.  "We just didn't realise what Chris and Joey believed
in."

"All I know is you lot would be better off if I'd never come along."  I stated.

"No way would we!" Justin exclaimed, "Besides isn't best that we know the
truth now at least?"

"Well, whatever, you all need to get sorted" I replied.

"And you two need to be on the set in half an hour" JC said, imitating my
previous statement as he stepped out of a door.

I laughed in an attempt to rid myself of some of the tension and anxiety the
run-in with Chris had given me.  JC clearly thought I was laughing at him.

"It's no joke, we're on soon" JC stressed.

Justin nodded his understanding to JC and glanced back to check I was OK
before wandered off to another dressing room being indicated by JC's arm.
JC and I remained in the corridor for a minute or two.  The air between us
crackled with tension as we both knew that we were thinking about my future
on the tour.  Before either of us said something to break the atmosphere, JC
turned on his heal and went back into the room from which he had emerged.
This left me standing alone in a corridor without a clue what to do.

"Hey" Laura's authoritative tone rang out down the hallway, "What are you
doing waiting here?"

I gave a brief shrug to which she responded by grabbing my arm and pulling
me down the hall to a door, behind which I assumed was my dressing room.

"You're on in twenty, so get a move on," Laura said with a mixture of humour
and sternness in her voice as she propelled me through the door she held
open.

The TV show was nothing special, no groundbreaking originality in the
questions, no way of keeping clear of the usual perform and questions format.
In fact I would have been my best TV appearance so far (in my opinion at
least!) if it weren't for the obvious dislike and covering-up that was going on
between N'Sync and I.  Luckily the show only required N'Sync and I to be on
together for ten minutes, any longer and the presenter wouldn't have been
able to hide the utter distain and animosity directed by Chris to me.  Justin
and Lance spent all their efforts trying to take attention away from the
divisions between us all whilst JC and I tried to ignore Chris leaving Joey to
try a tame Chris's emotions with a mixture of glares and well-time light
punches.

After the TV appearance all six of us were bundled into a limo that was to take
us to the airport.  Joey and Chris took up the rear seats, JC and Lance the
long length-ways one and this meant that Justin and I were on the forward
seats directly opposite Joey and Chris.

To say the atmosphere in that car was black was an understatement.  It was
so saturates with malice from Joey and Chris and anger from the other
N'Synckers and I, that you could taste it on every breath.  Occasionally
Chris's eyes would glance over mine, for they never rested on my eyes only
seeing straight through them.  His cold stare touched somewhere inside me,
numbing my resolve to do the best thing for N'Sync.  With every pass of those
icy pupils my mind became more and more set that I would fight to stay on the
tour and to maintain the friendships I had found within the group.

This silence continued at the airport; no one spoke except when it was
absolutely necessary.  It was not until we were all seated in the VIP lounge
that anyone spoke up.

"Justin and I are going to try and find some Coffee.  Anyone want anything?"
Lance said as both he and Justin stood.  No one replied so they set off
leaving the four of us in the uncomfortable silence again.

"I'm off to the toilet." JC announced before making his way between the seats,
which were surprisingly full, and heading to the toilets.

I turned to look out the window, trying to work out whether our plane was in
and how long I had to wait before I could get away from this mental torture.
You see I, as always, was booked in economy class whereas N'Sync got to fly
first class and this meant that once on the plane I was several hundred people
away from Chris's accusing eyes.

"Hey Darren" Chris said, trying to get my attention.  I turned my head and
waited for the abuse to begin.  "How's the tour going?"

I was thrown for a minute by the quite normal tone of Chris's voice.

"Uh... fine" I replied.

"Oh, well.  It's a pity you're leaving then isn't it" Chris replied with a great
degree of spite in his tone.  I rolled my eyes, which only served to anger Chris
further:

"I don't know why you're bothering to fight it!  Everyone knows you're bad-
news for N'Sync." Chris ranted as he stood up.  This caused me to stand next
as I was rather worried about where this would end up.  Finally Joey stood
and placed himself behind Chris, well out of the firing line.

"I'm not leaving this tour just because some arsehole like you gets all bent out
of shape!" I replied.

"You're just some one-hit, no talent, sad little manufactured act!" Chris yelled
back at me.  "You have no right to perform alongside an international act like
us!"  Joey placed a hand on Chris's shoulder to try and stop the tirade.  "I
wonder just how many guys you fucked to get a record deal!"

"Well you'll be glad to know Chris that I didn't 'fuck' anyone to get my deal." I
answered sarcastically.  I could JC emerging from the toilets a hundred or so
yards behind Chris but he barely noticed us as he made his way over to the
newspaper stand.

"Yeah.  It was all 'lip-service' if you know what I mean!" he replied loudly
causing JC's head to whip round in order to locate the source of the outburst.
When JC realised the scene unfolding in full view of the fifty or so other
occupants of the room he began to walk very quickly over to where we the
three of us were standing.

"Tell me, was it tiring sleeping with all those record executives in order to get
on this tour?" Chris shouted as he slowly came further towards me.  JC
arrived on the scene and gave Joey a questioning look, to which he replied
with a shrug.

"I think you know the answer!" I shouted back trying to resist the urge to sink
to Chris's level and start a massive slanging match in the airport.  Chris
laughed in a very forced way as he turned his back to me.  Suddenly he
swung around and aimed a punch at my face.  Time appeared to slow down
as Joey and JC both grabbed Chris.  As I pulled back to try and avoid Chris's
fist it swung within an inch of my chin, if it weren't for JC and Joey I would
have been floored.

I stood there, shocked at Chris's actions as JC and Joey tried to stop him
attempting another punch and simultaneously talking to him to calm him
down.  I subconsciously rubbed my chin, the target for Chris's fist before
turning away from my attacker and wandering off to stare out the window
once again.  The whole incident had left me rather shaken as you can
imagine.  I knew that Chris was not in favour of my presence on the tour, but I
never realised the amount of resentment he held for me.  In fact the malice
that I felt from him made me uncertain of where or not he believed the
accusations he had levelled at me.  The very thought that he could believe
that *I* would sleep with anyone to further my career stirred my more base
sentiments.  I am not one to prostitute myself for my music.

"Hey!" Justin's usual exuberant tone broke my train of thought as he bounded
over to me with Lance and coffee in tow, "Where are the others?"

"Over there" I said indicating with a quick and rather vague movement of my
arm.  Justin and Lance's expressions fell ten floors when they saw JC sternly
speaking to Chris whilst Joey tried to hide their argument from the other
passengers sitting close by.

Lance's face hardened as he stormed over to the three presumably to find out
what had happened.  Justin turned his gaze back to me.

"We got you an up-grade" Justin stated half-heartedly.

"Thanks" I replied, laughing slightly at the irony.
"What's so funny?" Justin asked innocently.

"I guess it's just the idea of spending the next few hours in a tin cylinder with
Chris's attitude isn't that appealing to me, no matter where I sit" I smiled
slightly and watched a plane take-off.

"It's not my idea of a fun time either" Justin said with a mild laugh.  We looked
at each other before turning to sit down and wait for our flight.  Neither of us
said anything more until the flight was called, instead we left each other to
their thoughts.

In fact, very little was said during the entire journey.  Everyone was still
wrapped up in the events that had occurred in the airport.

Justin and I were sitting next to each other, behind us were Joey and Chris
and behind them were JC and Lance.  I sat, staring out the tiny window
listening to the aeroplane's general noise.  I had given up on having any kind
of conversation with Justin when, after only ten minutes in the air, he had
fallen asleep with his head on my shoulder.  After flipping through the
complimentary magazine, finding that I didn't want to read any of it and then
reading it all out of boredom I decided to try and catch a forty winks.  I leant
my head against the gently vibrating windowpane and closed my eyes.  On
doing so my ears tuned themselves away from the incessant hum of the plane
and towards the conversations going on around me.  In front of me a couple
were complaining about the holiday they had just finished.  Apparently they
were most put out to find that sections of their hotel had been commandeered
by some 'popular music group' called 'Insight or something'.  I sniggered to
myself and tried to pick out another conversation.  My ears picked up the
familiar voice of Joey:

"I just don't understand you Chris" Joey said sounding puzzled.

"There's nothing to get, it's just I don't like the way Darren is making us look
like a group of queers" Chris hissed back.  I sucked in my breath on hearing
Chris's statement.

"He is not."  Joey countered, "He's just hanging out with some friends, if the
media take it wrong then we'll all have to set them straight"

"'Set them straight'," Chris mimicked and laughed, "It's not for us four to go
around clearing up after Darren and his latest 'special friend'."

"Look Chris, we've all faced these rumours before, we can face them again"

"We didn't have our own little faggot in tow then did we?" Chris asked
rhetorically and with a sizable measure of spite.  I bit my tongue, trying to
resist the urge to jump over my seatback and knock Chris out.  I never had
been one for violence, not after having experienced the full range of a
person's hatred for most of my school career.  Being bullied, picked on,
beaten up, whatever, it made me realise that if after all Peter and his friends
did to me I didn't change then no matter how much violence you apply, it
won't get you anywhere.

"You know no one's gonna listen to you if you speak like that no matter
whether what you're saying's valid or not" Joey commented.

"I don't give a flying fuck!" Chris exclaimed quietly, "Every day 'he' stays on
tour our reputation gets more and more permanent damage done to it.  Look
at him now..." I felt someone lean against the back of my seat so I tried to
make myself look asleep.  "They're all over each other!"

"I don't think so Chris, they're just sleeping that's all"

"Well Justin should be more careful.  If this got out his marriage would be in
some deep shit.  And don't forget, Britney'll be there tonight" Chris finished,
leaving Joey, and I, to think over their conversation.

'Britney will be where tonight?' I pondered before falling asleep for real.

Chapter Eleven

It turned out that Britney was going to be at her engagement party.  Steve and
I were invited and we both went along.  I was glad that Steve was coming
because I knew that Justin would be too busy to stop and that JC and Lance
would be talking to their older friends and of course a polite chat with Chris
and his sidekick Joey was out of the question.

After the day I had I was not really in the mood to party, my sleep on the plane
had been filled with nightmares where Pete and Chris joined forces and
turned all my friends against me.  Scarily enough, that was a possibility in the
real world as well.  But, this party did have an open bar, so if I got too
depressed I could always magnify it with alcohol.  Plus for some odd reason
the tour schedule meant we had the next day off completely, I guess that was
why they decided to have the engagement party that night.

My gladness at Steve agreeing to come was shattered when upon arriving at
the bar / club that had been specially hired, Steve decided to piss-off and
hang around with Lance all night.  This left me at the bar.  My mild depression
intensified with every sip of alcohol until I was thinking about phoning Laura
up from the bar and quitting.

"Hey, you must be Darren!" An overly cheerful voice interrupted my thoughts.
I turned around to find that Britney Spears was standing beside me, trying to
start a conversation.  Normally I would have reacted by doing an impression
of a goldfish whilst pointing out that she was indeed Britney Spears, but the
alcohol had removed any idea of being star-struck.

"Hi" I replied, offering my hand, "Nice to meet you, and congrats on the
engagement."  She giggled inanely, I downed the remainder of my drink.

"Justin's told me a lot about you"

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeap.  He's always going on about you."

I laughed to try and shrug of my embarrassment.  Justin wandered over and
standing behind Britney he casually placed his arms around her waist.

"Aww" I cooed, "You two suit each other".  It was Britney's turn to blush.
Britney leant to whisper into my ear.

"You know, he's not just a pretty face," I questioned her with my expression,
"He's a damn fine kisser too!" She laughed at her own joke.  I desperately
tried to stop my expression revealing anything.  Over Britney's should though,
Justin's face metamorphosed into one of shock, then panic and finally, on
realising Britney meant nothing by her remark, his face slipped back into his
usual expression.  Britney turned to the bartender to order drinks for us all.

"I heard that too" I replied looking at Justin whilst Britney's attention was
elsewhere.  Justin suddenly looked uncomfortable.  He whispered something
in Britney's ear causing her to giggle in her very annoying way.  They made
their excuses and exited to the dance-floor.

With no one talking to me, my drinking went uninterrupted and unchecked.  I
don't know how much I drank; but it was too much in too short a time.  Before
long the pounding music and sweaty dance-floor somehow seemed inviting.

In a drunken blur I was in the middle of the floor, bodies grinding all around
me.  The dark lights removed any remaining ideas of embarrassment and I
began to dance.  You see, although my job entails dancing in front of several
thousand, I don't like dancing in clubs (when sober).  Before I knew what was
going on some (reasonably) cute guy was practically dancing on top of me,
his pelvis gyrating against mine in time to the beat.  Letting the alcohol take
over I decided to give as good as I got.  There was not enough room between
our bodies for light to pass as we danced, literally, together.  Our arms
intertwined as our hands made their way up and down our single body.  We
kissed, well, we practically made-out in the middle of the dance-floor as we
groped each other unceremoniously.  I don't know how long we continued like
that for but after a while a third person joined us.  I turned to see the
newcomer to our dance, which was becoming less and less like dancing and
more and more like foreplay.  Luckily the dim lighting and dense crowd had
stopped anyone noticing what we were doing.  The first guy slid his arms
around my waist and gently kissed the spot where my neck joined my left
shoulder as the new guy pressed himself up to my chest and proceeded to
kiss me.  The kiss was the usual empty drunken meeting of lips you get in a
club, but the taste was different.  The usual alcohol / cigarette mix was
replaced by a slightly bitter taste, not one I had experienced before.  As this
guy's tongue worked its way into my mouth I realised the source of the odd
flavour; a small object passed into my mouth on the end of his tongue; a small
tablet.

Normally I would never conceive of taking any drug in a club situation, but for
some reason my judgement was not working properly at that moment
because I barely thought twice before accepting the pill.  I gently sucked upon
it, enjoying its novel taste before passing it on to the guy kissing my neck in a
similar fashion.  We passed the pill back and forth a couple of times before
the second guy decided to keep it, good job as well.  The alcohol, the small
amount of drug in my blood and the hormones being released due to the
highly intimate dancing were all coupling together and all three of us danced
on for what seemed like forever.

Suddenly I was aware that the darkness that had been around us had been
replaced by light.  It turned out that the lighting guy had seen our
'performance' and decided to draw it to the attention of everyone around us.  I
swung my head around to see where the new light was coming from and
above me I could see Justin and Britney leaning over a railing watching the
dance-floor.  Britney pointed to me, leant in to Justin's ear and laughed; Justin
simply looked at me and then looked away again.  Again the normal emotions
I should have felt were covered by the intoxicants in my blood.  One feeling
was not masked by the drug and drink; a feeling of nausea was slowly
building in my stomach.  Rather ungraciously I left the two guys I was with and
stumbled off the dance-floor and headed into the toilets.

I scrambled into one of the cubicles and falling to my hands and knees I
promptly threw up into and over the toilet.  I must have vomited the entire
week's food I was sick that much, and the entire experience left me so weak I
could barely move enough to prop myself up against the cubicle wall.  I sat
there, my left hand in a puddle of someone's piss and my shirt stained by my
own bile.  I remained there for sometime occasionally retching over the toilet
bowl.  My head was pounding, my mouth was dry and I was shivering slightly.
I must have spent a long time in the toilet although I'll never know just how
long; my mind kept on fading in and out of drunkenness / sleep /
consciousness.  I do remember some guy standing over my limp and
unresponsive body whilst he took a slash in the toilet, but I was too far gone at
that point to protest in anyway, even when he stood on my fingers my brain
failed to register the pain for thirty seconds.  When I finally managed to move
the steady pounding of the music had stopped, although loud voices were still
present.  When a familiar voice yelled my name out in the toilets I just about
managed a 'yes' in reply.

"Oh my god!  Darren, are you alright?" Steve said in shock as he pushed the
cubicle door open.  I managed a slight nod before throwing up again.  Steve
rubbed my back to reassure me.  When I finished Steve pulled me to my feet
and helped me over to the sink where I (more like we) tried to clean my face
up.  Together we stumbled out of the toilet.

"There you are!" Came JC's voice full of concern, "We've been looking for
you".

I turned my head to look at Steve.  His eyes were filled with deep concern; my
guilt took over, fuelled by the remaining alcohol in my system, and I dissolved
into tears.

I vaguely remember getting into a taxi with JC, Steve and Lance.  Somewhere
along the line I asked were everyone else was and someone replied that
Justin and Britney had gone back to the hotel about an hour ago shortly
followed by Joey and Chris.  I was still unable to form any kind of coherent
ideas of my surrounds when we pulled up to the hotel (backdoor of course; I
was with international pop stars here!).  I guess all three of them helped me
into the lift for the long journey upwards; we were on the top floor of the hotel.
I guess I must have looked as bad as I felt as JC insisted that I stay in his
room so he could keep an eye on me during what remained of the night.

I collapsed onto one side of JC's king-size bed but before I entered the land of
nod JC pulled me back up to my feet and proceed to strip me down to my
boxers before pushing the duvet back and gesturing for me to get in.  JC
walked over to a table and poured a large glass of water, which he handed to
me on his return.  As I drank my way through the everlasting glass of water,
JC sat and watched me intently.

"You know, I'll never pass-out if you watch me" I tried to joke.  JC's expression
hardened even more and I resigned myself to drinking in silence.

When I had finished I lay my head back on the pillow as JC disappeared into
the bathroom.  He emerged after a few minutes in his nightclothes and
crossed the room to get into bed beside me.

"Are you OK?" He asked with a voice filled with kindness as he leant on his
elbow to try and see if I was about to lie.  I nodded in response.  JC's hand
gently pushed some hair away from my face as his eyes lost some of their
worry.  A small smile glanced across his face before he turned over to switch
the light off.

We hadn't been in the dark for five minutes before JC turned them back on.

"Shit.  I'm sorry" JC said, "I forgot to call Chris to say we were back."  He
picked up the phone and dialled.

"Hey, Chris."

"Yes we're back."

"No, Darren's here with me."  My ears perked up on hearing my name
mentioned.

"No."

"No, there's no need."  JC's voice was beginning to sound stressed.

"Really, just stay there OK!" JC said with force into the phone.

"Look Chris that's the last thing we all need at this hour!"

"No you're n..." JC stopped short as Chris had obviously hung up.

JC turned to me to say something, but he was stopped by the pounding at the
door.

Chapter Twelve

The noise at the door intensified until JC stumbled over to it, still in the dark,
and pulled it open slightly.

"Let me in!" yelled Chris from outside as he forced the door open.  "Where is
he?"  Chris hit the wall a few times trying to turn the lights on.  JC's eyes were
filled with panic as he was torn between staying to try and help or going to
fetch more.

Suddenly the lights turned on, drenching the room with their artificial
brightness.  I squinted, trying to make out what was going on as my eyes
adjusted to the new light.

"What the fuck were you doin'?" Chris shouted.  I couldn't tell were he was
and I scrambled about in the bed trying to distance myself from the source of
the voice.  Before I realised what was happening my hand slipped off the
edge of the bed causing me to tumble out onto the floor.

Slowly I opened my eyes.  Chris stood directly over me, JC just behind him
looking petrified.

"Were you two screwing?" Chris yelled at the both of us as he noted both our
states of undress.  His voice's slight waver betrayed the amount alcohol Chris
had consumed.

"Chris!  What's goin' on?" JC yelled back.

"You know, faggot-boy here is trying to fuck his way to number one in the
charts!"  Chris leant down and grabbed a fistful of my hair and proceeded to
yank me to my feet with it causing me to scream out in pain.

"Chris, for god's sake stop it!" JC shouted.  Chris responded by throwing me
onto the bed and then taking a swing at JC.  Chris's fist landed squarely on
JC's jaw, sending him staggering backwards.  I made a yelping noise seeing
what Chris did and suddenly feared for my own safety.

Chris turned his attention back to me and propelled me off the bed and into
the wall.  The pain of the impact of my spine on the wall coursed through my
nerves.  JC stared on for a second before scrabbling to his feet and running
out the door to bang on Lance's door opposite.

"What the fuck do you think you're playin' at?" Chris hissed at me, his face
only inched from mine.  He punched me in my stomach causing me to try on
double over, yet Chris's grip on me prevented that.  "Dancing like a rent-boy in
front of our friends!  They're all gonna think that N'Sync are a group of little
arse-fuckers now!"  Chris emphasised his words by forcing his crotch into
mine with every word.  I tried to reply but Chris slapped his hand over my
mouth with such force that it banged my head against the wall.  "Don't you
dare speak to me queer!"  I whimpered as a tear escaped from my eye.  "And
don't fuckin' cry you little wuss!"  Chris took a step back and once again
punched me in the stomach.  As I began to fall forwards he used his forearm
across the top of my chest to force me back against the wall.  Dazed and
confused I tried to blink in order to clear my mind, it failed.

Suddenly Lance and JC were pulling Chris off me as he punched and kicked.
Unsupported I collapsed under my own weight into a heap on the carpet.  In a
matter of moments Justin, Britney and Joey all arrived, obviously all woken by
the shouting.  They all dove in to try and hold Chris until he calmed.  I moved
my head and saw the open door.  Mustering the last of my strength I half
stumbled half crawled out into the corridor.  My head was swimming from the
remains of the evening's partying and the beating it had just taken and my left
arm gripped the site of pain in the right side of my abdomen.  Using the walls I
pulled myself upright and guided myself to the end of the corridor and the
stairs to the roof.

The strong wind bit into my bare skin, helping to clear my head slightly.  This
was a bad thing because the effect of the alcohol was to dampen the pain I
was experiencing.  I staggered away from the stairs, towards the edge of the
roof.

"Darren!" Justin yelled out from the stairs.  It was quite obvious he had been
woken up because he too was only dressed in his underwear.

'Shit' I thought.  I hadn't even got half way.  I turned to face him and tried to
smile, but this only caused me to cough-up some blood.  Justin ran over and
wrapped his arms around me.

"It's alright" He said gently, "It's gonna be OK."  I tried to believe him but the
amount he was shaking was too much for it just to be shivering.  I gave up
trying to fight it and something snapped inside me.  I began to cry, deep,
raking sobs, into Justin's shoulder.  He too sobbed gently as he stroked my
hair in an attempt to console the both of us.

End of Part Four.

Hey, drop me a line, tell me what you think: svjsr@hotmail.com
All comments gratefully received.
JJ