Date: Sat, 18 Sep 1999 16:04:24 -0500
From: mnhunter@midsouth.rr.com
Subject: Search and Rescue 7

This is part seven of my continuing story.

Already, I've gotten words of encouragement from some of constant supporters
like Matthew and Tonny ("When You Say Nothing at All") as well as new
friends, and I'd like to take this time to thank them.

Putting out the two chapters back to back, I haven't gotten a chance to get
back to everyone regarding chapter six, but I will, I promise; so if you
have any questions, comments, or suggestions, please send them.  I like
hearing from you, and I hope you enjoy the story.  If you do or don't, you
can let me know how I'm doing at mnhunter@midsouth.rr.com.

Now for my standard disclaimer:

WARNING: This story is sexually-explicit (or at least getting there),
involving homosexuality.  Do not continue if this will offend you.  If
accessing this story causes you to break local laws, please leave now.  By
continuing , you implicitly declare and affirm under penalties of perjury
that you are not a minor or in the company of a minor and are entitled to
have access to sexually-explicit material.  The content and opinions
expressed in this story do not imply anything with regards to the sexual
preference of any member of 'N SYNC or any other celebrities named herein.
It is a work of fiction entirely.



 "Your what?" Justin asked with a completely vacant look on his face.

 "Hi, Dad," Caitlin and Colleen greeted after finally tearing their eyes
away from the guys long enough to realize that I was there.

 A statuesque blond sneaked up behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist
and kissing me on the cheek.  "Hello, gorgeous," she purred in my ear.  With
sudden realization, I saw the tears in JC's eyes, and before a single word
could escape my lips, JC turned and darted out the door.

 "JC, wait," I called to no avail.

 "Um, Matt . . . ," Justin began.

 "I'll explain later.  Let's just go find him.  Kathy, can you stay with the
girls?"

 "Of course."


 We left Justin there in case JC called, while Joey and Chris took the jeep.
Lance and I climbed into my SUV and we started to scour the city.

 "You're scared, aren't you?" he asked as we scanned the streets.

 I hesitated with my answer, but I finally nodded my head and whispered
"terrified."

 "I know it's been such a short time, but I don't think I've ever seen JC
like this before.  He really cares about you."

 "I care about him as well."

 "Then you might've mentioned the fact that you're married."

 "I'm not . . . at least . . . let's just find him, Lance."


 We spent the rest of the day and proceeded well into the night searching
the city.  Keeping in phone contact, I knew Joey and Chris weren't having
any more luck than we were.  I was on my third tank of gas before my eyes
were giving out.

 "Let's go home, Matt.  There's nothing more we can do tonight," Lance
suggested.

 With resignation, I drove us back to the house.

 Kathy was standing at the door with her arms folded when we pulled into the
driveway.  I could tell by the look of concern on her face that JC hadn't
made it home by the look of concern on her face that JC hadn't made it home.

 "No news, I take it," I said, confirming what I already knew.

 "The girls finally passed out from exhaustion.  So did your friend.  I
think they wore each other out."

 I forced myself to smile at her while I went over and placed a blanket over
Justin.  I sat in the recliner, pulling my knees to my chest and rocking
back and forth.  The other guys went to bed, while Kathy came over and sat
on the armrest, rubbing my back until I cried myself to sleep.


 I awoke to find Kathy making some coffee.

 "You're up," she commented as the water audibly entered the filter basket.

 "Any word?"

 She looked at me in a sympathetic way that silently assured me she would
have already woken me, and I just nodded.

 "You really like him, huh?"

 "Yeah," I smiled.  "I think I'm in love."

 She poured us both a cup.  "Wow, that's not something I've heard you say
very often."

 "It's not something I've said that often," I added.

 "So, what are you going to do about it?"

 "Honestly, I haven't a clue.  I've never been one of those
'love-at-first-sight' kind of people until now."

 "True," she agreed.  Noting the concern in my face, "We'll find him."

 I could only smile as I went to rouse the others to resume our search.


 Joey and I headed out together since he was the first one ready.  Lance and
Chris wouldn't be long behind.

 "So, what's the story with you and JC?" he asked.

 "Damn," I muttered, "is there anyone who doesn't know about my personal
life?"

 "Don't go on the defensive, Matt.  JC's just one of my best friends, and
we're trying to look out for him the way he looks out for all of us."

 "So I'm the hot topic of discussion at the clubhouse meetings?" I asked,
visibly irritated.

 "Something like that, I guess, but if it's any consolation," he smiled, "we
all think you guys make a cute couple."

 I couldn't help but laugh.  "I do appreciate that, coming from the critics
you are, but I'm not so sure we can be considered a couple.  All we've done
so far is kissed."

 "There's that, and the fact that he's seen you naked," he beamed with a
mischievous grin.

 My eyes shot open with surprise, while he started laughing uncontrollably.

 "But then again, so have I," he smiled.

 I shot him a questioning look.

 "I was in the hallway," he confessed.

 "Joey, I had no idea you liked to watch." Even I couldn't keep a straight
face when his cheeks became as red as his hair.


 We continued on for about an hour when the cellular phone rang.

 "Hello?"

 "Matt, it's Kathy.  Listen, one of the girls' friends just called to tell
them that 'some guy who looks like one of those cute guys from that group
who sings that song' was headed towards the park."

 "Thanks.  Tell the girls I owe them."

 Hanging up, I quickly dialed the jeep's number and told them to head back
to the house since they were on the other side of town.


 "Would you mind waiting here, Joey?  I'd like to talk to him alone first,"
I asked, putting the car in park.

 "Not at all," he smiled understandingly.

 I got out of the car and clutched my upper arms, trying to steel myself
against the cold, early morning winds.  I finally found JC sitting on the
swing-set, still wearing the duster I'd bought off the guy at the airport.
I could tell that he had been crying a lot, and my heart sank because I knew
I was the cause.  I sat down on the swing next to him, but he never even
glanced at me.

 "Can we talk?" I asked him.

 "What's there to talk about?" he shot back, his eyes never leaving the
ground.

 I sat there for a few minutes trying to figure out what I could possibly
say that would get JC to give me enough time to explain some things.  I
planted my feet in the ground and flexed them back and forth to move my
swing, but JC just sat there, continuing to stare into the dirt.

 "Have you ever played 'spin the bottle'?" Bingo, he definitely was not
expecting that.

 "What on earth are you talking about?"

 "Answer the question?"

 "Yeah, and . . . ?"

 "Did you know there's a drinking game based on it?"

 "No, but I hadn't really thought about it."

 I just sat there swinging, smiling to myself in smug satisfaction that I
was controlling this conversation.  I was gonna get JC to hear me out.

 His otherwise vacant stare lightened considerably when he smiled.  "Okay,
I'll bite.  What does that have to do with anything?"

 "I skipped two grades in school."

 "Please tell me there's a point to this story somewhere, Matt."

 I smiled and continued, "I was fifteen-years-old, but a junior in high
school, the first time I played a drinking game."

 JC motioned with his hand to go on.

 "Her name was Ashley McDonnell.  She was seventeen, but she had little more
tolerance for alcohol than I did.  The two of us were paired off, but we
were so drunk we didn't know what was going on.  I was the runt of the bunt,
and I was just happy to be invited to the party, so when they said to take a
drink, I did."

 "AND . . . ?" JC shouted impatiently.

 "I saw her only a few times that year until we were on break.  Then Rich
and I came home from playing basketball, and I saw Ashley and her parents
sitting on my couch.  She never even looked up at me, but she didn't need to
for me to figure out what this was all about.  Even I could tell she was
pregnant."

 JC was hanging on my every word, but he didn't press the issue when I
stopped to light a cigarette.  I had trouble with the lighter since I smoked
so infrequently, usually just when I'm terrified, and having smoked only a
pack or two in my entire life, the butterflies in my stomach I was now
experiencing were an entirely new concept.

 "Ashley's parents were devout Catholics, and would not even entertain the
notion of abortion, and I must say, that I was too stunned to suggest it
even if I had wanted to.  They insisted that she would have the child, and
that her wishes were really kind of irrelevant.  As were my own, I found
out, when they demanded that we get married because they didn't want the
children to be born illegitimate.  I've got to tell you, the next few hours
in that house were hell on earth.  I heard more people yelling and shouting
"How could you be so stupid?" that I ever cared to.  Ultimately, Ashley and
I decided to get married, and my parents signed the consent.  So," I paused
for dramatic effect, "at the ripe old age of fifteen, I became an expectant
father and a husband to the only person I had ever had sex with."

 I could see the questions popping into JC's head like fireworks, but he
remained silent and let me continue.

 "We were actually doing fairly well to be two high school kids trying to
graduate and become the perfect nuclear family.  Ashley and I didn't love
each other, at least not at first, and while I would say that I grew to love
Ashley, it was as a dear friend, not a lover.  She and I never had sex
again.  On a visit to the gynecologist, she found out that she was carrying
not one, but four children, all girls.  We knew it was going to be a problem
because of her age and petite size, since quadruplets are not an easy birth
for anyone, but Ashley did all of her prenatal care, and we were managing.
She was living with me and my parents, and I was working two part-time jobs,
one, delivering newspapers, the other, sacking groceries.  I was at the
grocery store when it happened."

 The tears started freely rolling from my eyes, but I didn't stop to wipe
them away--I was scared that I wouldn't have the strength to relive this
again.  JC stood up from his swing and walked behind me.  He leaned over and
hugged my neck like he was never letting go.  I kept talking.

 "Ashley paged me using the pager that the hospital had given me for when
she was due, though that was still many weeks away, but she would never use
it except for an emergency.  When she didn't answer the phone when I called
back, I panicked and drove home immediately," I began, explaining that I had
a hardship license and an old car my grandfather left me before he died.
"When I got there, she was sitting on the couch completely unresponsive, but
there was a pool of blood between her legs."

 I didn't know if I could do this, but when JC hugged me tighter still, one
of his tears ran down the back of my neck.  I knew I wanted, even needed, to
tell his the rest.

 "I called 911 and began CPR.  The ambulance took us to the hospital.  The
rest of it blurred by quickly.  I knew the girls were premature, and even
though I thought I had prepared myself for it, when the doctor came out of
the operating room to tell me what had happened, I fell to my knees in the
hallway in utter hysterics, preparing for the worst--which was coming.
Ashley had developed a condition called abruptio placentae, which is a fancy
way of saying that the sack the girls were in had pulled away too early from
the wall it was attached to, and she was bleeding to death.  They did an
emergency cesarean section--a C-section--while they tried to replace her
blood volume."

 I was shuddering to death by now, and JC walked around to face me.  He
gripped me by my shoulders and spoke softly to me, but the momentum of the
tale was carrying itself.  I didn't even hear his words; I just talked.

 "One of the girls, Carolyn," I corrected, telling him that Ashley had
already picked out names for all four, "was stillborn.  She had died from
lack of oxygen because of the blood loss.  The other three--Catherine,
Caitlin, and Colleen--were in critical condition and placed in incubators.
The doctors gave them an all-but-nonexistent chance of survival.  Meanwhile,
Ashley never woke up, as she, too, was brain dead.  Her parents and I kept
her alive on the ventilators for a while, but her body deteriorated.  She
developed an infection which ultimately led to a blood clotting disorder
called DIC.  That, in turn, caused a clot in her kidneys.  When the kidneys
quit, we considered putting her on the kidney machine, but we decided
against it.  Her urine output dropped to nothing, and the fluid in her body
built up to the point that it drowned her heart and lungs, killing her."

 I could tell I was hyperventilating now, and JC was petrified.  I was
staring straight through him while he shook me.  I could even see Joey
running towards us.

 "Another girl, Catherine, died the same afternoon as her mother from
respiratory distress syndrome, a common cause of death for preemies.  So
now, not yet sixteen years old, I had two daughters in incubators with
little or no chance at life and funeral arrangements to make for my wife and
two of my daughters."

 JC and Joey both were panicking, but their efforts finally pulled me back
to the present.  "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, Josh," I smiled,
looking into his teary eyes.

 "Jesus, Matt, you're sorry?  I've been the insensitive asshole who's been
acting like a spoiled brat.  Can you ever forgive me?" He asked, literally
on his knees begging.

 I stroked his chin.  "There's nothing to forgive." Standing quickly, I
pulled JC to his feet as Joey attempted to steady me.  "Let's go home.
There are lots of people who've been worried sick."

 "Okay," Joey chimed in while we walked to the car, "I'm still curious as
hell.  Who's Kathy?"

 "Kathy?" I repeated.

 "The lanky girl who was wrapped around you."

 I just sort of chuckled when I realized that I had zoned out when he had
asked me the question.  "Kathy was Ashley's best friend.  She's the girls'
godmother, and she's helped save my sanity on more than a few occasions."

 "Should I be jealous of her little display?" JC asked, trying to add some
levity.

 "Not a bit.  She's become my best friend, almost a sister.  Besides," I
said with a twinkle, "I only have eyes for you."

 JC blushed as we climbed back into the car.


 We drove back in virtual silence, not because anything was wrong, but
because they were processing it all.  In truth, so was I.  It had been a
while since I'd told anyone the whole story.  The last person I had told had
been Scott, and that was years ago.  The catharsis had actually been good
for me, but looking over at JC, I knew there was so much more to tell him.
He would just look back at me and smile.

 I looked back to Joey from time to time, and I found that he had fallen
sound asleep.  JC followed my gaze with some uncertainty.

 "We were out pretty late looking for you, and he got up early to come with
me this morning."

 He shook his head in a half-nod of understanding, and then he turned to
look out the car window.  I could tell he was thinking about something, but
he wasn't letting me in.  I reached over and took his hand, and he looked
back at me for a split second.

 "Josh, what's wrong?" I asked, concerned at the fleeting glimpse I caught
of the tears in his eyes.

 "Just thinking about what you've gone through, Matt."

 "I'm sorry.  I didn't tell you all that to upset you or make you feel sorry
for me."

 "I know that," he said, apparently upset at my misconception.  "I just feel
I know you so much better now.  It explains so much more than you intended."

 "How do you mean?"

 "I'm guessing, but you probably never had any desire to become a nurse
until after everything happened."

 "No, I don't guess I did.  What are you getting at?"

 "Just the way you are when someone's hurt.  You went against your training
to help me."

 "Not really, it was my training that made me . . . ."

 "Let me finish.  You can't stand to not be in control of the situation."

 My face twisted with a combination of shock and anger.  "I may have broken
the rules, but that doesn't make me some power-mad dictator."

 "Matt, wait a minute, that came out wrong.  I just meant that you don't
like feeling helpless."

 "Well, who does?  It's not like . . . ."

 "Will you please let me talk?" he interrupted.  The rage drained from my
face, and I had to smile at him.  "You felt powerless to stop Ashley's
death, and you decided to become a nurse because you never wanted to feel
that helpless again."

 "Any other psycho babble, Sigmund?" I joked.

 "I'm serious, Matt."

 "I know, Josh, and I'm reasonably sure you're right.  No one's ever really
analyzed me that deeply, including myself."

 "Maybe I need to start charging $200 and hour for my great insights," he
smiled.

 "If I pay you $200 an hour, it won't be for talking," I teased, and JC
blushed uncontrollably, quite obviously fidgeting at how uncomfortable he
had just become.  I just smiled, and that made him blush even more.

 He was still looking out the window, and I could tell he was thinking
again.

 "Damn it, Josh, will you please just say what was on your mind?"

 "Sorry," he answered sheepishly, "it was just a random thought that popped
in my head."

 "That being?"

 "Your money."

 "Ha," I acknowledged, "you're wondering if the lawsuit had anything to do
with Ashley and the girls' death?"

 "Kind of," he admitted.  "Is that being unbelievably insensitive?"

 "No," I assured him.  "You've had no sleep for two days, and your mind is
wandering somewhere just past the speed of sound.  I just told you a hell of
a lot of stuff that happened to me eleven years ago, and you have questions.
No, I'd say that was a fairly reasonable response, and in answer to your
question, yes, the lawsuit was over Ashley's death.  The hospital gave her
the wrong blood type during surgery, and that was what caused her bleeding
disorder.  I really wasn't in any frame of mind to put the whole situation
under a microscope.  I had taken out a family health insurance plan with my
job at the time, and someone there caught what had happened.  They filed
lawsuits against the hospital, wrongful deaths, negligence, that sort of
thing."

 "What happened?"

 "Now who's being impatient?  I'm kidding," I added before he got that
scolded child look again.  "The hospital was all too happy to settle out of
court to keep the negative images out of the press." I trailed off after
that, but I could tell JC's curiosity wasn't satisfied.  "I wasn't ready to
be a husband at fifteen, I wasn't ready to be a father at fifteen, and I
sure as hell wasn't ready to be a millionaire at eighteen.  So I split the
money into thirds gave one-third to Ashley's folks, and put the remainder
into trust funds for the girls.  I'm the executor of their trust funds, and
the stipend I make doesn't even dent the interest."

 "Wow.  That's a lot of money."

 "Yeah, but I didn't want it.  I figured that her parents deserved something
for losing a daughter, and the girls sure as hell deserved something for
losing a mother and two sisters."

 "What about you?  Didn't you deserve something for losing for losing a wife
and two daughters?"

 "I guess, but I had enough on my plate to deal with at the time.  Money
just wasn't real high on my list of priorities."

 "How did you do it?  I mean, get through it all."

 "Honestly, Josh, there are days even I don't know the answer to that.
Mostly I just did what everybody does took it a day at a time.  The
settlements didn't come until my sophomore year in college, but my parents
helped me raise the girls.  When I graduated, the girls were ready to start
kindergarten.  I sent them a private Catholic boarding school at the behest
of Ashley's parents, and that's where they've been while I've been playing
nurse."

 "What's it like being a father?"

 "Stressful . . . wonderful.  I don't know, indescribable.  Being a father
was not something I asked for, but I wouldn't change a thing."

 JC just smiled.

 "You want to know if the girls know I'm gay?" I asked.

 "How do you do that?" he laughed.

 "Just good at reading people, and yes, they do."

 "How did they take it?"

 "Very well.  They're a lot more grown-up than I give them credit for.  I
try to treat them as much like adults as I can since they're only four years
younger than I was when they were born--and that scares me to no end."

 He laughed.  "So the overprotective father?"

 "Yeah," I conceded, "and they're interested in boys now, which I am not
ready for."

 "At least you guys have similar tastes."

 I had to smile, but at the same time, I couldn't believe he said that.  I
reached over and popped him in the gut and knocked the wind out of him.

 "Sorry," he muttered.

 "No, you're not," I corrected, "but I'll forgive you, since you're so damn
cute.  Besides, the girls have been fascinated by music since their cousins
started a band, and they happen to have fallen in love with a certain boy
band, so I'm scoring major brownie points."

 "Oh, yeah, that narrows it down a lot," he smirked.

 "Actually, you're right.  They do like some of the other groups, including
another Orlando-based quintet, but they definitely are big fans of yours.
It was their constant playing of your first CD that caused me to recognize
Justin's voice.  They think he's 'so hot,' I repeated in my best teenage
voice."

 "Yeah," he giggled, "he's everybody's favorite."

 "Not everybody's," I reminded him, pulling him across the center console to
kiss him.

 "Hey, get a room!" Joey shouted from the back seat.

 JC and I just laughed without even parting are lips.  When the light turned
green, I pressed the gas while I turned to face Joey, "I have four of them."

 Joey made a face mocking humor, while JC just laughed even harder.


 We finally arrived back at the house.  I sent Kathy and the girls out to
pick up a video while we explained everything to Justin, Lance, and Chris.
I was glad JC and Joey were there, because they were able to fill in the
parts of the story that I had trouble with.  Even through my own welling
tears, I could see their own tears.  Justin hobbled up on his good leg and
managed his way over to me and hugged me.  All I could do was return it.

 "What was that for, Jus?"

 "You looked like you needed it."

 "Thanks," I told him.

 When Kathy and the girls came back, we all quickly tried to dry the
evidence of our tears.  Kathy just looked at me knowingly.  The girls went
into the kitchen to make popcorn.  "So did you two kiss and make up?" Kathy
asked.

 "Yes, they did," Joey offered.

 Kathy smiled at me again, and we walked over to the couch to get situated
for the movie.  The guys were all falling over themselves to make a seat for
Kathy.  "Careful, guys," I advised, "Kathy has a boyfriend." As a wave of
realization swept over me, "Speaking of which, when do I get to meet the
mystery man?"

 "Well, his work schedule keeps him on the road most of the time, but he'll
be here soon.  Speaking of which," she mocked me, "I need to call him."

 Kathy took the portable phone and walked over to the patio doors while the
guys were goofing around.  It was nice to watch them have fun.  I sat down
in front of the couch, and JC slid down from his seat, and came around in
front of me, sitting between my outstretched legs and resting his head on my
shoulders.

 The girls came back in with the popcorn and sat down on the other couch
with Justin and Chris.  Colleen looked at JC and I kind of funny for a
minute, but I just smiled and answered her question that yes, I do like him.
She smiled back.  Admittedly, having my eleven year old daughters in the
room with me and my new boyfriend was a bit strange, but the girls were
pretty perceptive.  Both of them I considered smarter than myself at that
age, and like their old man, they had already skipped a few grades in
school.  I was glad that they didn't seem to have the trouble fitting in
that I had had.  I sat staring at them and became lost in thought.

 "You look like a proud father," JC told me, craning his neck to face me.

 "I am," I told him, kissing him on the top of his head.

 Justin took the popcorn bowl from Caitlin's hands and started tossing
popcorn towards Joey's mouth, missing his head entirely for the most part.
We all just laughed, waiting for Kathy before we started the movie.

 "And you wonder why you always lose at basketball?" JC teased.

 "Look who's talking?" Justin half-laughed, half-shouted.

 "Yeah, that is 'N SYNC," Kathy told her boyfriend on the phone, and the
room became quiet.  "They are staying with Matt for a while."

 The guys shot looks at me as if to ask what was going on.  I was too
stunned to do much besides shrug my shoulders.

 "Okay, hang on," Kathy continued.  She walked over in front of me and said,
"My boyfriend wants to talk to you."

 I reached for the phone.

 "Not you," she informed me.  "He wants to talk to JC."



TO BE CONTINUED . . . . . . . . .



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