Date: Thu, 24 Aug 2000 13:21:03 -0700 (PDT)
From: Par Lance <par_lance1@yahoo.com>
Subject: The Secret Marriage

Title: The Secret Marriage
Pairing: Lance/Joey
Author: Parlance and Jess, Copyright 2000.
Email: Parlance at par_lance1@yahoo.com or Jess at
fat1@fumanskeeto.com
Web site: http://www.geocities.com/par_lance1
Feedback appreciated.  This is Jess' first *Nsync fic
- be gentle.  Flames will be used to roast Tofu
Pups(TM)
Rating: PG-13
Classification: Songfic - damn silly songfic at that.
HUMOR.  Okay, a little schmoop.
Archive: Please ask first.

Disclaimer: This story contains homosexual themes and
pokes gentle fun at the guys.  If either idea offends
you, or you're not old enough to be reading it in your
jurisdiction, go no further.

This is fiction.  I know nuthin' 'bout nobody.  I
especially don't presume to know nor care about the
sexual preferences of *Nsync, Britney Spears,
Christina Aguilera, and I certainly don't know Lance
Bass' mom.

Don't worry - Lance doesn't have breasts this time.

Author's Note: Gay marriages, per se, aren't legal in
Vermont.  They're called civil unions, but they extend
the same rights, protections, benefits and obligations
available to non-gay couples through marriage (thanks
to "Hero" magazine's "Gay Men's Wedding Guide" for
this information).

A shout out to Joeyfull, Karen and Jackie B. for
beta'ing.  YO, BROOKLYN!
Dedicated to Sting and Atlantic Starr, with apologies.
 I fudged the chorus to "Secret Lovers" a bit.

****************************************************


No earthly church has ever blessed our union
No state has ever granted us permission


It was a bright Saturday in July.  The weather was
perfect - warm, sunny, not a cloud in the Vermont sky.
 Joey's big day.  Who knew?  When a fan had asked
Justin during a Yahoo! chat which member he thought
would get married first, he remembered typing,
"Definitely not Joey.  It definitely won't be Joey."
He wasn't the only one who was surprised.

Justin sat in a La-Z-Boy in the dark wood-paneled
living room within the house that a friend of Joey's
had provided for the ceremony.  Bedazzler(TM) in hand,
eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed in an endearing
pout, Justin decorated the pillow that would bear the
rings for the couple of the hour.

Justin wore a white scarf over his blonde Afro.  He
had already bedazzled it with red rhinestones.  As he
punched more red gems into the white pillow on his
lap, he squirmed in the white tux Joey had bought for
all the men in the wedding party.  Justin hoped he
wouldn't get his suit all sweaty before the wedding
started.  He had never been a ring bearer before.  And
these were his best friends.  Everything had to be
perfect.

"Gotta be perfect," he mumbled the words like a
mantra.  "Walk slowly, hold out the pillow.  Make sure
the rings are in the center.  Where are the rings?!"
Justin frantically reached into his pocket - both
rings were still there.  He sighed with relief.
Performing as the human beat box before millions of
fans never made him this nervous.

"Man, Joey's the last one I thought would get
married," Justin said a little too loudly.  His band
mate, Chris, overheard him in a bedroom nearby where
he and Joey had set up camp.  Joey wore black.  The
highlights in his hair matched the red cummerbund
around his waist.

"Yeah, Joe.  Never thought I'd live to see the day
you'd settle down.  Shouda known when you started with
that weird obsession with 'Ellen,'" Chris told his
friend as the two men sipped cans of Bud.  Chris
checked his watch.  "How long is he gonna take?  We're
already running late."

In another bedroom a few feet away, the bride in
question sat in the boudoir while his maid of honor
fussed with his hair.

"Almost finished, Poofoo," JC told his friend as he
teased Lance's blonde spikes to perfection.

"Thank you, JC.  I don't know what I would have done
without you.  I'm so giddy I can't even hold the
brush."

"Don't mention it, Lance."

"I'm sad we have to keep this secret from the fans.
Joey and I wanted them to be a part of it," Lance said
mournfully.

"Hon, just be glad you can do this in a state where
partnerships are legal, and don't worry about
outsiders."

Lance nodded and changed the subject.  "I just wish
Justin would finally pop the question to you."

JC sighed dramatically as he put down the brush.
"Juju's so afraid of commitment.  Always a bridesmaid,
never a bride - that's me."

Lance clicked his tongue.  "It's too bad.  We could
have been married at the same time."

JC resumed coifing Lance's hair.  "Never mind.  It's
*your* day.  I was never partial to double ceremonies
anyway.  Stand up.  Let's see what we have."

Lance stood and brushed out the wrinkles in his
tuxedo.  He was a vision in candy-apple red, his
favorite color.

"Oh, Lance!"  JC cried as he clasped his hands.  "You
*are* a blushing bride!"  JC wore a white tux like the
other men in the wedding party, but he sported a red
cummerbund and bow tie to match Lance's tux.

JC handed Lance a bottle of Aramis, which Lance dabbed
behind his ears, on his wrists and between his pecs.
It was his and Joey's special scent.


No family bond has ever made us two
No company has ever earned commission


In the other bedroom, Joey told Chris, "It was love at
first sight with Lance.  When he first walked into
that audition five years ago, I thought, 'What a hot
piece of ass.'  And then I realized he wasn't a girl.
And then I realized my opinion hadn't changed.  He's
still a hot piece of ass."

Chris nodded.  "That's really romantic, Joey."

"That's true love, bro."  Joey stood and sprayed the
immediate area with Aramis and walked into the fine
mist.  He gulped the last of his beer and said, "I
just don't know if I'm good enough for him, Chris."

Chris stood and faced his friend and patted him on the
shoulder.  "It'll be fine.  You just be good to him.
Treat him right so I don't have to send my homeys
after you."  The two men ended their conversation with
the standard Ultra Masculine One-Armed Hug.

Meanwhile, a tearful Diane Bass walked around the
house in a daze, having surveyed the wedding
decorations in the backyard.  Justin stopped
bedazzling the hell out of his pillow long enough to
notice her tears.  He stood up and patted the chair.

"Mrs. B, sit down.  What's wrong?"

But Diane could not speak.  As she sat, she extracted
a handkerchief from her breast pocket and blew loudly.
 Justin put his arm around Lance's mother and tried to
console her.

"Don't be sad.  You're not losing a son.  You're
*gaining* another."

Diane quieted her sobbing.  "I'm not crying because
Lance is getting married, you nitwit.  I'm crying
because I just found out that Lance is gay!"  She
choked back another sob.  "I kept hearing it was a
wedding and it had to be kept secret.  And I saw
Britney outside and I thought *you* were marrying
*her*!"

Justin threw a sidelong glance towards the bedroom
where the giggling JC and Lance were getting ready.
"Rest assured it'll never be Britney," he muttered.

"What was that?"

"Uh, we gotta go take our places, Mrs. B.  Can't keep
everyone waiting."


No debt was paid no dowry to be granted
No treaty over border land or power


After Justin led Lance's mother out of the house, Joey
called out, "All right, you two.  It's past time.  I'm
coming over."  He walked out of the bedroom and
towards Lance and JC.  All he heard was JC's yelp and
the scurrying of feet before their door was slammed in
his face.

"You can't see him yet!  It's bad luck!"

"Hurry it up then. This ain't no coronation, it's a
commitment ceremony."  Joey turned to enter the
backyard, with Chris at his heels, still nursing his
beer.

"Almost done!"  JC called out.  He turned to Lance.
"Now, you need something old, something new, something
borrowed and something blue."

"Joey and I got tattoos last night to celebrate our
commitment."

JC shuddered.  He had a legendary fear of tattoos.
"Can I see it?  Where is it?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"  Lance gave his friend a
sly glance.

"Perhaps not.  Something old?"

"Mom gave Britney this bracelet when she thought she
was the one getting married."

"Okay, something borrowed and blue.  Hold out your leg
and roll up your pants."

"Huh?!"

"Just do it."  JC rolled a baby blue garter onto
Lance's outstretched leg.

"Where the hell did you get that?"  Lance demanded as
he leaned on JC's shoulder for support.

"Don't worry about it.  Now you're covered."  JC
straightened Lance's pant leg.  "Don't forget your
bouquet."

Lance picked up his bouquet of red and white roses and
posed before his friend.

"You're beautiful."  JC sighed.  "You look like...
like... a big old candy cane."

Lance held out a crown of baby's breath.  "Should I
put this on?"

JC considered carefully.  "Mmmm.  Might be a bit much.
 It could clash with the red, and we want to keep this
tasteful."

Concluded in Part Two
Feedback always appreciated!

****************************************************


No semblance of the world outside remained
To stain the beauty of this nuptial hour


Outside, the backyard was beautifully decorated in red
and white flowers.  The old New England-style house
was located just off Lake Champlain, bringing a gentle
breeze and the soothing sound of waves crashing off
the beach.  The ceremony was intimate - only a few
friends and family who could be trusted to keep the
secret had been invited.  They sat on white folding
chairs with linen slipcovers.   Each guest was given a
satchel of red rose petals to toss as the wedding
couple walked down the aisle.  Martha Stewart would
have been proud.

JC indicated to the organist that Lance was ready and
"The Wedding March" was played.  Justin walked slowly,
never looking up from the ground, as he mumbled,
"Right.  Together.  Left.  Together.  Right.
Together..."  He was relieved when he finally reached
the gazebo.  He stood to the right, next to Joey's
brother, Steve, who carried a small camcorder in his
hand.  JC and Danielle, Chris' girlfriend, followed
Justin in the procession and took their places.

Joey held his head high as he strutted down the aisle.
 His smile could not have been brighter.  Finally,
Lance walked down the aisle, his arm linked to that of
his wailing mother, who had reluctantly agreed to give
him away.  Joey caught his breath as he took in the
sight of his candy-apple bride.

To her horror, Diane spotted more than a few gay
couples in the audience.  But it was the sight of
Brittany Spears holding hands with Christina Aguilera
that finally caused her to faint.  Lance stopped to
tend to his mother, but Chris shooed him down the
aisle and dragged Diane's limp body to the nearest
seat.  Lance, distressed, continued until he reached
the gazebo.  But his fears melted as Joey took his arm
in his.

"Don't worry, she'll get over it," a reassuring voice
told him.

Lance looked up at Reverend John Waters, who had been
ordained years ago by mail through the Universal Life
Church.  When a mutual friend told the filmmaker that
two members of *Nsync wanted him to preside over the
ceremony, he jumped at the chance and asked if he
could film the festivities for his private collection.

Reverend Waters' pencil-thin moustache twitched as he
smiled.  "Family and friends, we are gathered here
today to witness the union of two people in love.  If
there's anyone who objects to the joining of these
two, please speak now or forever hold your peace."
Luckily, Diane Bass was out cold.

Reverend Waters asked Justin to produce the rings.
Justin jumped and almost dropped the pillow.  He
rushed to the minister's side and held it out.  The
Reverend bent to retrieve the wedding bands from the
ornately jeweled pillow, but could not find them.
Lance and Joey reached forward and felt around for the
rings, with no luck.

"Did you forget the rings, Justin?!"  Chris demanded
impatiently as he abandoned Diane's unconscious form
and went to help find the rings.

"No, I swear!  They're here, in the middle...
somewhere."

Everyone in the wedding party took turns fishing for
the two rings among the multitude of rhinestones.

"I think I see something sparkling," Danielle
commented.

"That would be the entire pillow," Chris responded.

JC finally took charge, grabbing the pillow and
shaking it until the rings fell on the ground.

"Only Justin could make a dangerous weapon out of a
Bedazzler," Joey muttered as Justin offered his
profuse apologies.

Joey and Lance slid wedding bands on each others'
fingers and told each other, "With this ring, I commit
to you.  Take it and wear it as a symbol of all we
have shared and will share."

Joey had arranged something extra for Lance after
declaring their vows.  Joey cupped his lover's face in
his hand and sang, a cappella, "The Secret Marriage"
by Sting:


No flowers on the altar
No white veil in your hair
No maiden dress to alter
No bible oath to swear


As Joey continued the song, the other members of
*Nsync were so overcome with emotion that they joined
in with the harmony on the chorus:

The secret marriage vow is never spoken
The secret marriage can never be broken


Tears streamed down Lance's face.  There wasn't a dry
eye among the wedding guests.

The Reverend cleared his throat.  "By the power of God
invested in me in the state of Vermont, I now
pronounce you man and wife.  You may kiss the bride,
Joey."

Joey brusquely pulled Lance towards him, forgetting
about the bouquet of roses Lance held in his hands.
They separated just long enough make sure the thorns
hadn't broken the skin and again embraced for a long,
passionate kiss.

Diane Bass came to in just enough time to catch the
sight of her son virtually vacuuming his new husband's
lips with his tongue and ran howling into the house.

Lance and Joey then turned around and jumped over a
broom Justin had provided for the ceremony.  Justin
had insisted on including this tradition in the
ceremony because he had read somewhere that Black
people used to do it all the time when they got
married, so it *must* be cool.

After the ceremony, Lance and Joey took their places
in the receiving line as their guests oohed and ahhed
at the beautiful ceremony and Lance's colorful attire,
and congratulated Joey on his "catch."  Britney and
Christina approached the couple:

"Where are you two newlyweds going for your honeymoon,
Lance?" Christina asked.

Lance and Joey turned to each other and smiled.
"We're going to stay in Vermont for a few days.
There's a bicycle tour that'll take us through the
backwoods.  There's a folk art and glass blowing
festival we want to see.  And Joey's letting us take a
detour to the Vermont Teddy Bear Factory..."

"...And then hit the Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream tour..."

"And then we'll finish with a week in Provincetown,
Massachusetts.  We've never spent this much time in
the New England countryside, so getting married here
seemed to be the perfect excuse."  Lance winked at
Christina and Britney.  "So, when's your time gonna
be, girls?"

Christina and Britney regarded each other and squeezed
each other's hands.  "I don't know, Lance," Britney
began.  "You two are certainly an inspiration.  If we
can get our wedding to go down without a hitch like
yours..."

"... and without the media circus," Christina added.

"...could be soon.  You'll definitely be on the guest
list."

Once he had received the guests, Lance turned his back
towards them, closed his eyes, and threw the bouquet
towards the various hopefuls.  After much elbowing and
cursing (Danielle ended up with quite a shiner after
making the mistake of stepping in front of Britney),
the bouquet dropped into the lap of an unsuspecting
lap.  He turned sheet white as JC squealed and clapped
his hands, jumping up and down and kissing his
dumbfounded boyfriend.

Lance and Joey had chosen Atlantic Starr's "Secret
Lovers" for their first dance.  Joey placed his hand
on Lance's hip and took Lance's hand in his.  Lance
rested his head on Joey's shoulder as they danced.


Here we are the two of us together
Taking this crazy chance to be all alone
we both know that we should not be together,
cause if they found out
it could mess up, both our happy homes.


Britney and Christina followed the wedding couple onto
the lawn to dance.  As others joined in the dance,
Chris held Danielle gingerly as she nursed her black
eye with an ice pack.

JC stood over the mute Justin with his hands on his
hips.  "Time to face the music, boyfriend."  Grinning
from ear to ear, he led the mute Justin to the dance
floor as the latter still clutched the bouquet of
roses.

Diane finally recovered and rejoined the party in the
backyard.  Reverend John Waters approached her and
extended his hand:

"Excuse me madam.  May I please have this dance?"

Diane's face melted into a smile as she stood and
accepted the debonair Reverend's hand.  "Of course.
Thank you."  Finally a straight man, she thought, as
she slow danced with the director of "Polyester."

Lance looked over at his mother and was relieved to
see that the Reverend had been right all along.  He
turned to the love of his life and sang the chorus
softly:

Secret lovers, that's what we are,
trying so hard to hide the way we feel,
'cause we answer to someone else,
but we can't let it go
'cause what we feel is oh so real

so real... so real.... so real.... so real

FINIS

Feedback always appreciated!

=====
"Yea, verily, this sucks." - Christopher in "Idle Pleasures"

Parlance's *NSYNC Fan Fiction:
http://www.geocities.com/par_lance1

"Katie Couric is hot." - Lance Bass, *NSYNC