Date: Tue, 26 Mar 2002 15:51:02 +0000
From: Mary J Whittaker <bluberries_and_cream@hotmail.com>
Subject: Shape of my Heart 11

Alright, alright. Here I am, back again. With a whole new installment of
Shape of My Heart. (everybody applaud)

Some people have well, complained, that the postings are too random, etc. So
from now on, the posting will be as random as ever. Alright? :)
Nah. Just kidding. They will be during March, June and December. I'm sorry,
but that's the only times when I'm free to write, at least for this year.

Now let the story begin! Or rather, continue.

Oops. Forgot something. Disclaimer. Yeah. You know the drill.

Special recommendation : If you like Harry Potter, as well as Harry/Draco
pairings, visit http://rhysenn.morethanart.org/ip . I'm sure you won't/will
regret it.

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Kevin looked at Brian in his arms, and finally came to a decision. He would
let Brian go. Of course, that would mean that he would never tell Brian
about his feelings for him. That would be the only plus point of this
decision. He had thought through this the whole night. Well, in actual fact,
he had started thinking about how to deal with his feelings for Brian long
before this. He had decided long ago that if Brian loved Nick and not him,
he would let Brian go. But he had hoped against hope that Brian did not love
Nick as a lover, but rather as a friend or a brother. "So much for that
idea." he muttered to himself. He rested his chin on Brian's head, then
looking at his cousin, pulled him up on the couch. Standing up, he stretched
and noticed the mess that Brian had made. He cleared it up and sat on an
armchair, looking morosely at the sleeping form of his cousin. Eventually,
he nodded off to sleep as the sun peeked out over the horizon.

***********************************************************************

They had spent the night at Howie's, with Maxine vegging out in front of the
television, Howie trying to reach Kevin and AJ trying to reach management.

"Why aren't they picking up?" cried AJ, as he slammed down the phone.

"Kevin isn't picking up either. There," he said as he dialled one more time
and scrunched up his nose when he heard the voice box message. "He turned it
off."

"What are you trying to do?" asked Maxine, when she finally tore her eyes
away from the TV during a commercial break.

"Find out tomorrow's schedule!" they said in unison.

"Must be all that singing in harmony thing." said Maxine, straight-faced.

Howie waved it aside. "I think that we have dance practice tomorrow, but
Bone here thinks it's still recording, and it's imperative to our plans that
we know what we're doing tomorrow. I mean, I'm glad if it's still recording
'cos we can just go down to Kev's house to do it, and consequently solve
this problem without anyone else butting in."

"What, you mean you don't trust Fatima?"

"It's not that, just that if the other dancers are around, it's not too
well, you know?"

"Oh."

"Plus they would probably be able to concentrate better once we get this
matter sorted out."

"Hmmm." Maxine turned back to the TV set, looked at the program and switched
it off. "You mean Kevin has a recording studio in his house?"

"Yeah."

"Ah. I see. Well, I going off to bed unless one of you would like to kindly
state your plans for tomorrow."

"But we can't unless we have the program!"

"Alright, then, see you tomorrow morning!"

***********************************************************************

A while later, they heard a shout from the kitchen. It was Maxine. "You
idiots! The program's here!"

"Oh. Ah." said Howie as he took down the program from where it was on the
fridge.

"You morons."

"Ah. And so what is tomorrow's program?" said AJ, brushing off Maxine's
comment on their mental capacity.

"Dance practice." There was no mistaking that gleam of triumph in Howie's
eyes.

"Alright, alright." AJ threw up his hands in mock defeat. "So what is the
plan now?"

"Well, only one way to it. We'll have to call up Fatima and ask her to ask
the other dancers to come another day. Or at least at another time."

"This late at night? Do you think Fatima's still awake?"

"Hmm. We'll just try it anyway."

Five minutes later, there was still no answer.

"Definitely asleep."

"How do you know? She could have gone out."

"At this time of night? Where? If she went to a club, she most probably
would have left a message."

"Really?"

"Well, she'd know that she'd be out for hours, one hour at least, right?"

"Yeah, I suppose so. But then what do we do now?"

"Well, boys, I suggest that you go to sleep and stop worrying your pretty
little heads about it. I say, if you can't solve a problem at the time you
encounter it, put it aside, and get some rest so that you will be ready to
solve it the next time you encounter it again. Which would be tomorrow. I'm
going upstairs now." So saying, Maxine walked up the stairs to her temporary
bedroom.

Howie looked at AJ, who lifted an eyebrow, shrugged and trudged up the
stairs after Maxine.

***********************************************************************

As it turned out, they hadn't had to worry about the other dancers being
around. The other dancers weren't arriving until the next Tuesday.

"Great. Then we worried for nothing."

"Okay then, let's start!" came Fatima's voice. She stood at the barre,
leaning against it as she watched the boys dance. Maxine stood directly
opposite her, watching the guys too, but not for their dancing skills, more
specifically for the interactions between Brian and Nick. They were
definitely avoiding each other.

Kevin had turned up slightly late, which was an unusual event in itself, but
he had in tow Brian, who looked extremely bad and overhung. Looking at Kevin
more closely, she noticed that Kevin didn't look very peachy himself. Hard
to miss was Nick's anxious glance at Brian, as well as the fact that Brian
had gotten *really* drunk the night before. Maxine suspected that if Kevin
hadn't dragged him along, Brian wouldn't be at this dance practice at all.
And now, Nick and Brian were totally avoiding each other.

Maxine mentally threw her hands up in despair. This was going all wrong.
Throughout the whole practice they had not said a single word to each other.
In fact, each looked extremely uncomfortable when they had to stand
together. Watching them, she just wanted to strangle them. "Not working out
too well, is it?" asked AJ as he stood behind her, observing Nick and Brian.
They had gotten a break except for Nick and Brian, who kept fumbling. Nick
got the steps right soon, but Brian just couldn't catch it. Nick retreated
to a corner of the dance studio, watching Brian. Howie was slumped against
the wall, eyes shut. Kevin watched Brian with a gaze she couldn't fathom,
while Brian looked at Nick in the mirror.

Finally, Maxine could stand it no longer. When Fatima said that they were
all let off for lunch, she shouted, "Nicky, come here." AJ, catching her
drift, dragged Brian over. When the two guys stood before her, they fidgeted
nervously. Brian looked ready to bolt, given half a chance.

"Alright, you two. Look here. There's something going on between the two of
you. From what I've heard, you were best bud, but now you're avoiding each
other like the plague. What is it?" Nick stared at her. She knew that it was
the kiss that was causgin the drift, but why was she pretending? Brian
looked at Maxine, then at Nick. For a moment, Brian saw Athena going off to
war. He gulped and shuffled his feet, suddenly feeling very small.

"Ah.. Nick, I'm.. sorry about what happened that night." It came out in a
rush. "Can you just forget it ever happened? I'm really sorry." He wiped his
hands on his pants.

Maxine and AJ looked at him in disbelief. Nick's expression was one of
relief, but if you looked closely enough, you could see in his eyes that he
was crestfallen. He smiled weakly at Brian, then pulled him into a hug.
Brian's eyes were threatening to overflow, but he couldn't let Nick see
them, so he blinked them back. Two more pairs of eyes looked at them. One
pair in mistaken relief, that they were together now. One pair in sadness,
that they were together now. Fatima chose the wrong person to ask. "Did they
have a fight or something?"

Kevin answered, "Well, sort of." and left the studio.

***********************************************************************

"I mean, now I know where I stand with him, and.. and.. at least he didn't
mention that I kissed him back, so we can just be best buds again." as Nick
told Maxine later that night.

"And how about your feelings for him?" asked Maxine.

"Well, I'll always have them here with me. And as long as he's here with me,
I don't care."

***********************************************************************

"You idiot!" AJ wanted to scream. "Why didn't you just tell him?!" he said
instead.

"Howie!"

"He guessed it, I didn't tell him!"

Brian sat with his head in his hands. "I don't know," his Southern accent
coming out more clearly than ever. "I didn't want to lose him. I mean, he's,
he was my best friend until the kiss, then we were so alienated. I don't
want that to happen again."

"But you were the one who pushed him away!"

Brian looked at AJ. "But I didn't!" Then he looked at Howie. "I didn't!" He
paused to take stock. "I did?"

"But that still doesn't change anything!" he said after a while. AJ left.
Howie looked at Brian, and said, "You are lucky to find someone who you can
truly love Brian. Why not tell him? I'm sure he will understand, if you're
best buds."

"Then everything will be different! We won't be together as much, and..
and.."

"Suit yourself." Howie left.

***********************************************************************

"He's a tough nut to crack."

"Yeah."

"They're both so damned insecure!"

Three people met under the star studded heavens, discussing the plight of
their friends. "I mean, okay, if I was in their position and I really didn't
know, maybe I would do the same, but it's quite obvious that they love each
other!"

Looking up at the stars, Howie sighed. The wind caught it, and went
whispering through the night.

***********************************************************************

Kevin looked at a relatively new crew member, who was rather young, and
found himself thinking, //Well, he's quite okay...// He shook his head and
went to find the foreman. What he didn't know was that that guy had noticed
him noticing, and was hiding a smile as he went about his work.

***********************************************************************

Brian finally plucked up the courage to knock on the door. He had finally
decided to visit Nick, osentiously for a game of... well, anything Nick felt
like playing.

"Erm, hi."

"Hi."

"Can I come in?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," Nick held open the door and mentally kicked himself. "This
is your best bud! Come on!"

"Well, I wanted to say sorry for like, erm, yeah, and for erm, pushing you
away." Brian stood in the doorway, looking at Nick hesitatingly. "It was my
fault and I had no right to blame you for what occurred." //Except for being
so damn beautiful.//

"What are you talking about?"

"Erm, never mind. Just that I was wondering if you had time for your good
'ole buddy and a little Nintendo. Or are you busy with your girlfriends?"
Brian tried cracking a joke.

Nick's heart sank. So Brian was definitely straight then. "Sure, come on
in."

In a minute, they were busy fighting it out on Nick's Playstation II, and
the teasing and taunting led them to believe that it was almost like the
good old times, when they were just simple best friends. Then the game
ended, and a silence fell. But Nick's eyes still shone with victory, while
Brian's chuckled at his friend. "You know you love me, man!" crowed Nick.

Brian sighed inwardly. //How much, you'll never know.// Then he brightened
up. //Or maybe not.//

As though in response, Brian said, "Yeah, I love you, man."

Nick stopped short in his victory dance. "Did you..."

"Yeah, I'm sorry Nick, I've been in love with you. Just thought I'd let you
know." Seeing Nick's expression, unchanging, he tried to hold back his
tears, and gave Nick a watery smile. Picking himself up, he quickly ran from
the room.

Nick stood there in shock. Brian loved him. Brian *loved* him. Brian loved
*him*! Oh shit!

//Shit. Shit. Shit. What did I have to go and tell him for!// Brian's tears
were falling fast and furious now. He ran, unheeding. Not noticing the car
that came speeding towards him.

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How evileth be-eth I! Haha! Sorry, just read some horrible people's work
yesterday, and this is my way of paying back kind in kind. Ok, that's a
lame-o excuse. I just wanted to be evil. Don't worry, it'll end up all nice
and sweet in the end. I love happy and sweet endings. Most of the time
anyway.

See ya'll in June.

Any comments, suggestions, food, parcels, cash, cheque or money orders or
even the Backstreet Boys are to be sent to bluberries_and_cream@hotmail.com.
Peace out!~ MJ