Date: Sat, 26 Aug 2000 04:35:57 -0700 (PDT)
From: Jonathan Andrew Ybanez <j_andrew_andy@yahoo.com>
Subject: fifth installment of simply words

	This is an installment of SIMPLY WORDS, my fantasy
with boy band BOYZONE member, STEPHEN GATELY.  Again I
would like to remind you that this is just a fantasy
and none of these events ever happen.  Although the
first part of the composition stated that it was
written before STEPHEN GATELY had came out last June
of 1999, this part was written after he came out.

	If you are a minor, you know the rule. Please don't
read this and find something more suitable for you
age. If you're a bigot who just wandered here by
mistake, you are allowed to stay. I would like to
request you, however, to please keep an open mind

	There are two song featured on this composition.  The
first one is 'FATHER AND SON' originally sung by CAT
STEVEN, later remade by BOYZONE.  The second one is
'SEPARATE LIFES' sung by PHIL COLLINS and MARILYN
MARTIN for the movie WHITE NIGHTS.

	I always hope that this fantasy of mine would become
a reality but until then... well.  This is the first
explicit story I've ever written.  I would gladly
receive any constructive criticism about this
composition.  My e-mail is j_andrew_andy@yahoo.com and
if another fan of Boyzone is reading this short story,
could you provide me with MR. STEPHEN GATELY'S e-mail
address?  Thanks, I would greatly appreciate it!

	Read and enjoy!!!


SIMPLY WORDS

-----------------
C h a p t e r   5
-----------------

	I stood just outside of Shane's room, listening
intently to every word the boys were saying.  I was
very curious why the Boys had this secret meeting.
Why was I called in to take part?  After all, I was
already a member.  As a matter of fact, why didn't
they call Stephen?  Is that just strange?

	"Hey, I like the guy." I recognized Ronan's voice.
"Andy's a great kid.  I trust him to be good influence
not only to Stephen, but also for the rest of us."

	"I know he seems to be a very nice boy."  I heard
Mikey's voice.  "But don't ever you think about the
consequences.  This could cause problems, you know,
and I mean very big potential problems!"

	I knew it.  I could smell the trouble brewing.  They
were dropping me out.  I knew that I was hoping for
too much.  Did they just take me in because they feel
indebted to me?  Or worst, did they just accept me
because I was Stephen's lover?  "You know I have to
agree with Mikey there."  Shane added.  "The guy is
extremely talented, but how well do we really know
him.  For all we know, he could be just like William."

	By now, I was so filled with intrigued, my mind was
riddled with questions.  "Who's this William person?"
I thought.  "Could he be a member of Boyzone?  How did
he fit in this puzzle?  Was he an old boyfriend of
Stephen?"

	"Yes,... how can we forget William..."  Ronan
mumbled.

	"If we let this,... this relationship continue, think
what might happen to Stephen!" Mikey stressfully
reasoned.  "Remember when he was going out with that
William.  He became recklessly drunk in a tavern and
started soliciting sex from every guy there.  Good
thing was we weren't really famous back then and no
one recognized him."

	"But I think Andy is very much different from
William.  Can't you see, he's quiet, boyish, smiling
and shy.  He's just a perfect match for Stephen.  It's
almost like Stephen found a twin!"  Keith interjected,
then added.  "And he's even got an outstanding voice;
all he needs is practice.  I see him about a year from
now, hitting the charts in America."

	"I see your point." Shane added.  Then, he objected.
"But this is wrong.  We can't use him like this,
that's almost like abusing and exploiting him."

	"We are NOT going to use him."  Ronan said firmly.
"We're going to train him on how to further use his
talents.  This kid got charisma, talent, and, hell,
he's got THE voice." He paused then laughed nervously.
 "Believe me, back at the rehearsals, I was so afraid,
and I mean really AFRAID, that he might going to
replace me as lead!  I'm not kidding!"

	"Yes, I know he has ability and capacity to sing very
well."  Mikey sighed. "But don't you remember what
happened last year in Dublin."

	There was a silence in the room...  a long, cold and
severe hush.  "Yeah." Shane broke the stillness with
his moan.  "That incident last year..."

	What happened last year? I asked myself.  Now, I was
really curious.

	"Of course, I remember..." Ronan silently trailed
off.  "How could we forget it!"

	"That was different." Keith answered defiantly. "And
THIS,... this is different.  I know Andy is different.
 Besides, Stephen assured us it would never happen
again,... that incident would never happened again!"

	"How can you really be sure?"  Shane challenged
Keith.

	"I,... I,..."  Keith stammered then his voice hushed.
 "I trust this guy to be different, okay..."

	"Just as I said, we can not just trust anyone else."
Mikey sternly said.  "This is a very serious and
delicate matter we are dealing with.  This is our
career we are talking about.  Hell, I don't even trust
our assistants with all the secrets.  Keith, think of
this carefully, if some of our fans ever find out that
I once worked as stripper, think of the consequences.
Our popularity rating would drop like a rock!"

	What did Stephen do in Dublin?  I was so filled
questions; I was burning up with curiosity.  I leaned
closer to nearly shut door so I could hear the
conversation a little bit clearer.  I have to know,...
what had happen in Dublin last year.

	Then I slipped.  Much to the surprise of the boys, I
fell into room.  I quickly stood up, smiled
uncomfortably and said "Hi?"

	I clearly sense their discomfort with my presence.
Painful silence enveloped the entire suite.  Finally,
Mikey was able to break the ice.  Calmly and coolly,
he spoke up. "So, how long you have been listening out
there?"

	I looked down to my feet.  "Just long enough to hear
everything..."

	"Look, Andy."  Keith stood up and came closer to me.
"We,...  I..."

	"What he means is that..."  Ronan tried to cover up
Keith.

	"Oh, just cut the bullshit!"  I interrupted Ronan.
"Tell me the truth.  I was asked to join the band this
afternoon.  Was it because of my voice or because I'm
just one of Stephen's conquest?"

	"You have the talent!"  Mikey assured me.  "I can
guarantee you that."

	"Don't even try to patronize me."  I glared at him.
"I'm already tired in listening to your pathetic
backbiting.  I WANT THE TRUTH!!!"

	"You are talented, Andy, believe me."  Ronan stood up
from the bed and approached he.  "We want you in the
band.  You have one of the most beautiful voices I've
ever heard."

	"Yes, we need someone like you." Shane added.

	My voice was quivering, I looked Shane square in the
eyes and sadly said "So why are you campaigning to axe
me."

	"Because... uhm,... because..." Shane stammered,
trying to look for the right words to say.  "We don't
want to..."

	"I told you to cut the bullshit."  I answered coldly.
 "What happen in Dublin last year."

	"I don't think you'd want to know."  Ronan said as he
rubbed his temples.

	"Oh, yes, but I do!" I replied chillingly.  "I think
I've been quite honest with all you from the very
start.  I believe that my relationship with Stephen
was very open with the rest of you.  And I believe the
incident in Dublin is concerned with Stephen.  So I
would greatly appreciate it if one of you would be
sincere enough to tell me the truth.  What happened in
Dublin last year?!"

	"Should we tell him?" Keith looked at Mikey

	"Tell him."  Mikey answered as faced away from me.
"Tell him everything.  He deserves to know."

	I can't believe how cold the room suddenly felt.  All
the boys looked away from me, trying to avoid my gaze.
 I was already close to tears, but I held on to my
stand.  I gave a hard look and remained strong, but
they knew how I felt.

	"Please, tell me."  I begged nearing to tears.  "Why
are you trying to break us apart?  Please tell me the
reason.  I love Stephen and I think, no,... I know
that he loves me too. We are very much in love.  Tell
me the reason, please."

	"Well, last year, Stephen and William finally decided
to break their affair." Shane began slowly and
uncomfortably.  "Stephen was so heartbroken.  Every
night he'd go bars, got drunk like hell and solicited
sex from guys in the bar."

	"One time, he came home with a guy named James."
Keith continued the tale.  "Very much like you, young,
quiet, deep thinking.  We all thought that, at last,
he returned back to his normal self.  But that was
just one of his rebound relationships.  After that,
strings of short-lived love affairs followed."

	"We were wrong about James, very wrong!" Ronan said
ruefully.  "He was even worst than William.  He wanted
Stephen to come out.  As much as we want to be honest
with our fans, we couldn't tell them about Stephen's
homosexuality."

	Right now,"  Mikey  told me flatly.  "Stephen just
got out from another relationship.  He was heartbroken
when we left the UK.  We'd like him to be happy.  We
don't want him to get hurt again."

	"So you're asking me to leave the band?  Is that it?"
I asked bewildered.  "You're asking me to leave
Stephen?  Now tell me, isn't that a just little bit
too ironic?  If I leave him now, wouldn't that even
make him more heartbroken?"

	"At least the two of you are not really deep into
this affair yet."  Shane replied.  "Besides, we don't
want you out of the band."

	"We don't want you to leave band."  Mikey spoke in a
calm and sensible voice as he looked at me straight in
the eyes.  "We wish to train you to further enhance
you singing.  However, we would like to request you to
stop you relationship with Stephen.  I know it is for
the best."

	I hung my head, crying.  I was so hurt.  "I don't
think so."

	"We are quite sure that this is just one of Stephen's
rebound relationships."  Mikey said honestly.  "Just
imagine, if both of you had a fall out during our
tour, think of the catastrophe, the havoc and the
damage it would cause."

	I stood there silently for a moment, thinking of what
they had said.  I had to admit he was right, they
we're all right.  "I... I have to go out."  I gasped
for air.  "I have to go out for some air."

	I walked out of the room calmly and when I reached
the hallway, I began to run... I ran away as fast I
could,... I had to get away from this place.  The
place sickened me.

	I wanted to puke...

	"Wait, Andy!!!  Don't go, we have to talk"  Ronan
shouted.

	I didn't stop I ran to the elevator and pushed all
the buttons.  As I looked around me I saw Ronan
chasing to stop me.  "ANDY, STOP!!!"

	I didn't.  When the elevator doors opened. I rushed
inside and pushed the 'close' button as many times as
I could.  "WHY WOULDN'T THIS DAMNED DOOR CLOSE!!!" I
shouted.

	"Andy, don't shut the door."  Ronan called out as he
chased me to the elevator.  "Wait for me..."

	Much to my relief the door had finally closed
shut,... just as he reached the elevator.  I fell on
the floor and wept.  I couldn't believe it Stephen
would just use me like this.  "No, I don't believe
them."  I thought to myself.  "I know Stephen loves
me.  I know he does."

	At the back my head, I could hear a voice.  It said
"...What if the boys were right..."

	I thought on that for a moment.  "That could be true,
after all, they've known Stephen much longer than I
do." Then I shook the thought out my head.  "I don't
believe them.  I love Stephen and I know he love me,
too"

	"...But, do you really think so..."  The voice asked
me, as if challenging me.

	I became angry at voice inside my head.  I stood up
and shouted.  "I KNOW HE LOVES ME!!!"  I shouted with
all my might and anger.  "I KNOW HE REALLY LOVES
ME!!!"

	As if on cue the elevator doors open, just as I was
waving my fist in the air and shouting angrily.  It
must been quite a sight because the people outside
tried to avoid eye contact with me.  With my final
ounce of strength and last shred of dignity, I wiped
my wet eyes and walked out as calmly, confidently and
quietly as I could.

	I know they were looking at me, the people with their
curious looks and prying eyes.  But I didn't care.  I
passed the hotel lobby, trying not to notice the
stunned appearance of the other hotel guests.  I
didn't care.  I walked out the main door, the doorman
looked at me with concern.  I didn't care.  I just
wanted to leave the appalling place.

	I didn't care!

	I hailed a cab and ask him to drive as far away as he
could from that horrible building.  I didn't care
where he would take me, I just didn't.  Just as long
as I didn't have to see the building, I would be
happy.


@;-,-'---     @;-,-'---     @;-,-'---


	I knew I shouldn't have gone to the concert that
night but I had to know,... I have to face Stephen and
ask the truth, I have to know if he really needs me.
When I reached the place, I immediately went to the
back entrance.  To my dismay, a huge crowd of young
girls was already forming outside the rear portion of
building.  I pushed and clawed my way into thick and
unruly crowd.  Miraculously, I was able to reach the
door.

	"Please, you have to let me in."  I asked the guard.

	"Sorry, authorized personnel only."  The guard said.
I could sense his weariness.

	"You've got to let me in."  I begged.  "I was
supposed to be in there."

	"Then why are you out here?"  He asked curtly

	"Please, you've got to let me."  I pleaded.  "Believe
me, I have..."

	"Didn't you hear what I just said!"   The guard
interrupted me.  His voice began to rise.

	 "Wait, please find Mr. Jerry O'Brien."  I quickly
remembered Stephen's aide.  "He is Stephen's
administrative assistant.  You've got to believe me.
He knows me, just tell him that Andy Tan is outside
looking for him."

	"Very well."  The guard gave in.  He went inside and,
a few moments later, he returned with Jerry.

	Jerry was surprised and pleased to see me.  "Andy!
Where were you?  They boys were beginning to get
frantic."  He was concerned.  "Especially Stephen!  He
was so worried that he almost didn't want to perform
tonight."

	I went in quickly and told him.  "How's Stephen?"

	"He's still very upset that you suddenly
disappeared."  Jerry told me.

	"So, did he know about the..."  I asked uneasily.

	"No, the boys decided it was best not tell him."
Jerry answered.

	"Oh,..."  I sounded disappointed.

	"Well, you've got to get ready."  I hurried me off.
"You still have to perform.  If I'm not wrong, the
next number belongs to you."

	I was guided to the dressing room.  I quickly changed
into a white shirt and a pair of black slacks.  The
cosmetics girl hurriedly applied make-up on my face.
All through out the application, there was nothing on
my mind except how to break the news to Stephen as
gently as possible.

	When I was done changing, I walked to the left wing
of the backstage and looked outside.  The boys were
performing 'WE'RE GOING TO BE SO GOOD' effortlessly.
In the way they were dancing, they didn't look too
disappointed to me, as if tonight's episode never did
happen.  I looked at Stephen, he looked tired and
spent.  His eyes were sad and weary.

	I waved my hand to gain his attention.  He looked my
way and saw me.  He smiled and waved at me.  He
flashed me a very energetic smile.  I smiled back at
him.  He seemed to dance more vigorously and much
livelier than before, now that he had seen me, as if
he found a fresh source of strength.

	"How will I break him the news?"  I thought.  "How
will I tell him?  How can do that without breaking his
heart?"

	The song finally ended and the boys went out of the
stage and into the wing.  Stephen directly dashed to
me, almost jumping on my arms.  He embraced me tightly
as he asked. "Where were you?  I was worried sick!"

	"I had more butterflies in my stomach than I first
though."  I lied.  "I had to get some fresh air,... to
clear,... my..."  I looked carefully in his eyes, and
I decided that I have already said too much lies.  I
just then shrugged and said.  "Nevermind!"

	"Well, anyway, you're next."  Stephen pointed out,
then looked at me with his sad teary eyes.  "You don't
know how much heartache you've given me.  Please don't
do that again, please."

	I looked him and stare.  My own eyes were getting wet
themselves.  I wanted to tell him the truth.  I wanted
to tell him about what happen late this afternoon.
But I just couldn't, I couldn't tell him that.  I
didn't want to hurt him.

	"I... I..." I stammered.

	Luckily, Shane tapped my shoulders and said "Andy,
better get ready.  You're next."

	"I have to go."  I hurriedly said.

	"Wait!"  Stephen grabbed my hand and pulled me back.
He gave me a passionate kiss.  He smiled.  "That was
for good luck.  Break a leg!!!"

	"Thanks."  I tried hard to smile.

	I walked over to the edge of the wing.  I heard Ronan
talking to the crowd. "We have traveled around the
world.  And if you've been around the globe, you would
really meet many very talented people."  He paused,
looked my direction, then continued.  "In our trip to
the Philippines, we were very fortunate to meet one
such person."

	"He's such a good singer that I've decided to quit
the band and let him replace me." He joked, drawing
laughs from the audience.  "But seriously, folks, this
guy is so good, we've decided to make him a part of
Boyzone."

	With that remark, the mob cheered.  Ronan continued.
"I am proud, no,... I am honored to introduce the new
member of Boyzone, Andrew Tan."

	The crowd went wild as they welcome me.  The stage
lights shut down and the noise finally died down.  The
music started to play.  One single spotlight shone
down upon me.  I took a deep breath and started
sing...


	"It's not time to make a change
	Just relax, take it easy
	You're still young, that's your fault
	There's so much you have to know
	Find a girl, settle down
	If you want you can marry
	Look at me, I am old
	But I'm happy"

	"I was once like you are now
	And I know that it's not easy
	To be calm when you've found
	Something going on
	But, take your time, think a lot
	Think of everything you've got
	For you will still be here tomorrow
	But your dreams may not"

	"How can I try to explain
	When I do, he turns away again
	And it's always been the same
	Same old story
	From the moment I could talk
	I was ordered to listen
	Now there's a way and I know
	That I have to go away
	I know I have to go"


	Suddenly, several other lights were switched on and
the stage was brightly lit again.  I looked around me
and saw the other boys coming into the light.  They
were my backup vocals in the song.  Stephen gave me a
thumb up, supporting me through this very difficult
time.  I smile back at him.  I returned my attention
back to the crowd and took an even deeper breath.


	"It's not time to make a change
	Just sit down and take it slowly
	You're still young that's your fault
	There's so much you have to go through
	Find a girl, settle down
	If you want you can marry
	Look at me, I am old
	But I'm happy"

	"All the times that I've cried
	Keeping all the things I know inside
	And it's hard, but it's harder
	To ignore it
	If they were right I'd agree
	But it's them they know, not me
	Now there's a way and I know
	I have to go away I
	know I have to go"


	One can not imagine the thunderous applause I've
received from my audience.  I turned around and saw
the boys coming towards.  As usual, Stephen wore his
big trademark smile.  He approached me and gave me a
hug.  The other boys followed suit.  I tried to smile
to keep up appearances but I knew the boys weren't
fooled.

	"And that was Andy Tan."  Shouted Stephen as he
clapped ecstatically.

	Ronan started some small talk with the audience.  I
stood there in the background with the rest of the
members.

	Stephen tugged my sleeve and said.  "I knew you'd be
a hit."

	"Thanks."  I replied half-heartedly

	"What's the matter?"  He looked very concerned.  "You
seemed disturbed.  Anything wrong?"

	"Oh, I just overwhelmed."  I lied again.  God, I hate
to lie to him.

	"Don't worry, all will be fine as the night
progresses."  He assured me.

	I wish it were true.  But sadly I knew this would be
the last time I'd be with Stephen.  I had already
planned everything.  I'm going back to Cebu and
nothing is going to stop me from leaving.  I had
already purchase my plane ticket home.  I just wanted
to leave this place.  Then, I looked at Stephen, my
sweet Stephen.  I thought.  "I'm sorry, Stephen.  I
wish these were better times."

	I felt a tap on my shoulder.  It was Mikey.  "Andy,
you'd better get ready.  You're up next."

	"Mikey, could you please tell the music band that I'm
changing my song?"

	"Sure, no problem."  He replied. "What's the song"

	"I'll be singing 'Separate Lives' by Phil Collins."
I told him.

	I looked at Ronan, still talking with the audience.
"So without further ado, here again is Andy Tan.  This
guy is truly a hopeless romantic.  He'll be singing
'Love Moves in Mysterious Ways', a great love song by
Julia Fordam."

	"Thanks, Ronan, for that very kind introduction." I
said to him, as I took the microphone away from him.
Then I faced the crowd, trying my best to put on a
good face. "I'm sorry I didn't hear much of Ronan's
introduction.  I blank out when he started speaking.
I get bored easily."  Then I made a face.  The crowd
laughed.  I looked Ronan and he grinned

	"I think he had it wrong when he said that I am a
hopeless romantic."  I continued.  "I only considered
myself hopeless."  Again, I drew laughter from the
audience.  "I see tonight we have a very good crowd.
Guys, don't you think we should take this crowd to all
of our concerts."  I tuned to the boys and they nodded
and clapped.

	I returned to spectators.  "Why don't we give
ourselves a big hand."

	The crowds howled and clapped.

	"But seriously, I decided to change the song I'm
singing tonight."  I changed the tone of my voice to a
more solemn one.   "I was supposed to sing one of my
most favorite songs 'Love Moves in Mysterious Ways',
but due to some events that transpired tonight..."

	I looked to the direction of the boys.  Immediately,
Keith looked away from me.  Ronan and Shane looked
down but Mikey just looked forward with a straight
hard face.  "I decided to change my song to a Phil
Collins classic 'Separate Lives' from the movie 'White
Nights'."

	I continued to talk to the crowd.  "I know I can
never sing that song like Mr. Collins but I will try
my very best.  Since I don't have Marilyn Martin with
me for a duet on this one, I would like to request
Stephen to help me out."

	Almost immediately, Stephen approached me at the
center of the stage.  The rest of the boys moved out
to the wing of the backstage.  I whispered to
Stephen's ear.  "I hope you know the lyrics to this
one."

	"No problem.  I can handle it."  He answered still
smiling. Poor Stephen, he didn't know that I was
already saying goodbye to him through this song.

	"I would like to dedicate this song to a very
exceptional someone who really made me feel very
special these last few days."  I started.  "Love, I
hope you understand I will always love you no matter
what.  Though, this is not the right time for us,
nothing will change."

	"He can handle it he says."  I thought bitterly.  My
eyes were already starting to swell with tears.  I
didn't turn around to Stephen because I didn't want
him to see me crying.  I moved forward to the front of
the stage.  As the music began filling the concert
hall, I took a deep breath and opened my heart.


	"You called me from the room in your hotel
	All full of romance for someone that you met
	And telling me how sorry you were, leaving so soon
	And that you miss me sometimes
	When you're alone in your room
	Do I feel lonely too?"

	"You have no right to ask me how I feel
	You have no right to speak to me so kind
	We can't go on just holding on to time
	Now that we're living separate lives"


	I looked Stephen with my teary eyes.  But he was too
engrossed with the song.  He still didn't understand
the meaning of my song.  Or did he?


	"Well I held on to let you go
	And if you lost your love for me,
	Will you never let it show?"


	I joined in for the duet.  My voice started to shake
with sadness.  It took me all of my strength and
courage to control the shuddering and quivering of my
voice and the tears from flowing out of my eyes.


	"There was no way to compromise
	So now we're living (living)
	Separate lives"


	But I held my tears back, controlling them to the
best of my capabilities.  I held them back not because
I didn't want the song to be ruin.  I held them back
because I didn't want anyone to know, especially my
dear Stephen, that my heart was shattered.


	"Ooh, it's so typical, love leads to isolation
	So you build that wall (build that wall)
	Yes, you build that wall (build that wall)
	And you make it stronger"

	"Well you have no right to ask me how I feel
	You have no right to speak to me so kind
	Someday I might (I might) find myself looking in your
eyes"

	"But for now, we'll go on living separate lives"

	"Yes for now, we'll go on living separate lives"

	"Ohhhh,... Separate lives..."


	By the end of the song, the stage lights were shut
down and the entire proscenium darkened.  I decided
that it was my best chance to leave without any of the
boys or the crew noticing my disappearance.  As the
crowd started cheering their hearts out and asking for
an encore, I ran as quickly as I could in the dark...
I dashed out of the stage.

	On the wings, I bumped into Ronan.  "Hey, where are
you going.  The crowd is asking for an encore?"

	"I have to go back to the hotel."  I avoided his
gaze.  I didn't want him to see me cry.

	"But crowd loves you!!!"  Ronan tried to stop me.
"They want an encore."

	"I'm not feeling very well tonight,"  I fibbed.
"Must be all the all the excitement."

	"Oh, okay..."  Ronan told me.  "Better have plenty of
rest.  Tomorrow, we'll be leaving for Hong Kong."

	I replied vaguely.  "Sure..."

	I left the building and hailed myself a taxi.  I
couldn't hold my tears anymore.  I broke down in the
cab.  I cried as we drove off.  I cried all through
out the ride.  I cried when my ride reached the hotel.
 When I reached the hotel, I immediately went up to
our room and packed my things...

	But I still cried...

	When I was done packing, I went inside the bathroom
and washed my face.  As I looked over the shower area,
I remembered the times we shared,... our happy
moments...  Stephen and me.  "No, I shouldn't think
about that."  I scolded myself.  "It's over.  There's
nothing more to be done except leave."

	I reached for my bag and headed for the door.  When I
reached the entrance of our room, I turned back one
last time.  I said "Goodbye, Stephen I hope you
understand..." Then, I left,... as I closed this
chapter of my life.


-----the end???????-----