Date: Tue, 3 Apr 2001 16:45:34 -0700 (PDT)
From: Mighty Aphrodite <nsaphrodite@yahoo.com>
Subject: Small Sacrifices

Small Sacrifices

Disclaimer: Completely fictitious.

Rating: NC-17 for content.

Website: http://www.friendsnlovers.cbj.net/ If this is your first time
reading something by me, please visit my website to get to know me,
Aphrodite, better.

Author's Notes: The future of this story is pending. I have the entire
story completed. However due to the content of the story, I will probably
not post all the chapters here. For all the chapters, please join NSAngst
at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NSAngst/ or visit
http://www.friendsnlovers.cjb.net at a later date and time.

Feedback: nsaphrodite@yahoo.com

Small Sacrifices

Small Sacrifices I

Their love had always been based on that unconditional love they had for
one another. Their love was one of those surreal dreams you hear about
all the time, but never witness much less fortunate to experience. Two
best friends against all odds found love in one another. Love. That love
still existed. Justin refused to let that love die. He lived to know that
JC loved him. And true, Josh loved Justin. And Justin loved Josh. JC had
always made sacrifices for his young lover. And Justin would return that
love by making his share of sacrifices.

It was just recently now that Justin started to feel as if he was making
more sacrifices for the sake of their love. They lived in the limelight.
Every move they made together was constantly being scrutinized, making
spending time together an almost impossible task. JC no longer visited
him at the sets of his movies bearing a carton of his favorite ice cream.
It was always Justin making that midnight flight to catch JC at a small
gig and flying across the continent back to wake up for his morning
shoot. There were far too many times when JC cancelled their plans for an
evening out in town at the last minute to meet with agents, Justin
understood. After all, he was there, too, when 'Nsync arose from mere
spectacles to dominate the pop world.

At the pinnacle of Justin's career, the rumors of the two lovers spread
like wild fires, escalating to mass proportions. Justin's career wasn't
affected much, not the way the rumors had had a strain on JC's static
career. JC had explained to Justin that they couldn't spend nearly as
much time together anymore. JC had requested him to stop attending the
remaining press conferences of the year. The rumors would never be
extinguished if the media saw him at the press conferences. And Justin
would tell JC that it was okay. He had planned to go out and play ball
anyways despite the below freezing Chicago temperature.

And when JC asked him to sit at another table during an award show late
last year, Justin wanted nothing more than to cower and die. Instead, he
put on his million dollar smile and joined Lance in the table reserved
for rumored boyfriends for a pop star like JC whose fan base was still
predominantly teenage girls could not possibly have a homosexual
relationship. When JC forgot his birthday earlier this year, Justin was
devastated, but understood. He had been working diligently all week long.
He didn't mean to forget his birthday. And JC apologized relentlessly. He
even got down on his knees for him. How could you deny a man on his
knees? You couldn't. They made up later in the week with JC taking Justin
to an Orlando Magic basketball game. Courtside seats, too. JC had done so
much for him. So, when he was offered a role in an upcoming period piece
working beside Paul Newman, Justin turned down the offer without any
hesitation. The film could establish him as more than just your pretty
blonde bombshell, offering a more challenging role than his type-cast
role of high school heartthrob falling for the school outcast. But the
film would take him to the countryside of Ireland for at least four
months. Four months he could just sit and gaze at JC all day as he worked
on his material.

Now towards the end of the four month period that he could have spent in
Ireland, Justin was bored out of his mind. And sad to say, regret was on
his mind. He silently cursed himself for having such thoughts. JC has
always made sacrifices for him. He, too, could sacrifice for JC. The
timing was perfect. JC, the solo artist, was starting to make noise in
the musical world. It was his time now to soar as a solo artist. Music
was his life. There was no question. Singing was innate for JC as
breathing was for an ordinary person. It was something he knew how to do
and something he was good at. It was the only thing that came natural to
him. To stop singing was to stop breathing. And because this was JC's
time, Justin must support him whole- heartedly. Besides, it was only a
movie. Another offer would come, but a love like this only happened once
in a lifetime. This was their once in a lifetime.

The silence echoing in the room gnawed at Justin mercilessly. The clock
hanging over yonder at the back of the room continued to tediously ticked
away precious seconds. Seconds he could not ask for anymore. Once gone,
forever gone. On the eve of their 1st year anniversary, instead of
celebrating the coming day, his boyfriend had literally barricaded
himself inside their bedroom. And because he wished to spend every moment
of his waking hours with him, he chose to stay inside as well. It had
been several hours. The sun was glinting across the length of the dark
oak table. It was such a beautiful day, but what was a beautiful day
without spending it with the one you love. He could no longer sit still.
He began nibbling on his fingernails as he tapped repeatedly on the
table, vying for his attention.

"Josh."

"Not now."

"Josh, please."

"What is it?!" JC snapped, exasperatedly.

"Never mind." Justin pouted.

He got up from his seat next to JC and walked away. His head hung low as
he made his way toward the door. Why wasn't he stopping him? Why didn't
he care if he left or not? Tears were brimming in his eyes as his hand
wrapped around the brass doorknob. He turned the knob open ready to leave
when he felt a cold hand enclosed over his, pulling the door shut.

"I'm sorry." JC whispered into his boyfriend's ear. "Please don't leave.
You ought to know by now that everything I do is for us. For you alone."

Justin sighed deeply, wallowing in the faded memories of their once
thriving relationship. Justin closed his eyes to prevent the tears from
escaping. He sighed deeply. Without turning his head, he twisted out of
JC's hold to massage his cold hand warm. JC had been writing busily all
day. The spring breeze caressing the white curtains left JC's hands cold
and dry.

Cold and dry hands he would kiss forever.

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