Date: Mon, 24 Apr 2000 16:02:16 EST
From: Braan . <braan90@hotmail.com>
Subject: Some Kind of Bliss 6

Some Kind of Bliss

Introduction

OK, I'm back. I've rediscovered my enjoyment of this story, and now
I've lots of time to fill in at Uni, I've got lots more time to
write! (Thanks to the good folks at UNSW library for providing a
quiet spot. By the way, when those signs say to turn off your
mobile phones, they mean it, folks. It really is annoying.)

Stories that you are probably already loving include: Studio in the
Country, Brian and me, Forever, Common People, Lance in Shining
Armour and Separate Lives, the final two of which have, sadly,
concluded. Also go check out Intimate Stranger and Because I Love
You, those two are also quite excellent. There are plenty of great
stories out there, and though you probably already read them all
regularly anyway, it's become traditional for authors to list their
favourites in their tag lines. So sue me. :)

No Interactive Promotion this time, it's been the first adornment to
fall by the wayside. First of many, probably.

Email me at braan90@hotmail.com  I'd really like to hear what you
think about my story, even if you think it stinks, I'd like to
hear you tell me whyee. Cos, basically, with the response I'm
currently getting, an earthquake or tsunami or something could be
just around the corner......

Stop right here if you're under 18 years of age or not meant to read
this for other reasons (whatever they may be). If you're not sure
you'd like stories involving gay themes, then you really need to turn
right around, and don't let the door hit your ass on your way out!
This story is entirely a work of fiction, and isn't meant to imply
anything about anybody's sexuality. It's purely a product of my
warped antipodean imagination.

Absolutely last thing: Does anyone else think that JC looks like
Ricky Martin in the video for `Bye, Bye, Bye'? Let me know if you do,
I think he does!

And away we go........


Previously in `Some Kind of Bliss'

"I'm sure you're going to do fine, Drew. You've been great. We're all
enjoying our time, and your friendship. Nick chose well when he
picked you."

I laughed. "Oh, shucks. I'm blushing over here, Howie."

Howie shook his head. "Learn to take the compliment, Drew, because
you'll be hearing it a lot. We all like you. I think it's clear how
much Brian likes you, after the way he spoke to AJ this morning.
And it's obvious that Nick really likes you."


Some Kind of Bliss 6

I lay there, my cheek pressed against my towel, conscious only of the
warmth emanating from the sand underneath. I guess it took me a while
to respond. I wasn't sure how to respond, really. Did Howie mean
something by that? And if so, what exactly?

I became aware of my silence, and nodded in response.

He didn't mean anything, did he? Looking over at Howie, I could tell
from his face that he hadn't. He had gone back to checking out the
other sunbakers and swimmers on the beach. I let out a deep breath.

Hang on a moment - did I want him to mean something by that
statement? The very thought threw my mind just a little, but then the
realisation that I hadn't dismissed the notion immediately left me
completely discombobulated.

I turned my head to face the other side, away from Howie. I shut my
eyes tight and shook my head in an attempt to clarify my thoughts.
It didn't work. Did I.........did I want Nick to `really' like me?
Did I want a relationship with him?

The logical part of my mind resumed activity at that point. OK,
first off, I could forget about it. Even *if* - and right now
that was possibly the world's biggest if - that was what I wanted,
there was no way Nick would want the same with me. That just wasn't
going to happen. I knew he valued me as a friend, as I did him, but I
had noticed nothing that would indicate anything more. So, really,
there wasn't much point even considering this any further, was there?

But, secondly, I told myself, I didn't really want that, anyway. I
was just lonely, looking for someone special, and, finding a handful
of international heart-throbs landed in front of me, had simply
reached out and picked one up, completely ignoring.....well, his
gender, for one thing. That was wrong of me, absolutely. I was only
even thinking this stuff about Nick because he was so famous, and
desired by so many around the world. That was a terrible thing to
do to anyone, but to someone I considered a friend? All I had thought
was `Hey, here's something that lots and lots of people want - why
don't I try and get it for myself?' I was thoroughly disgusted at
myself now. I mean, there were many valid, legitimate reasons to like
Nick - he was kind, caring, funny, intelligent, not even the least
bit selfish, and, yeah, pretty cute, too. Yeah, I could admit that
without having to be gay. Sure, no problem there. Lots of guys would
agree that Nick was cute, so that didn't necessarily mean I wasn't
straight. Right? Right?

Well, OK. I'd staved off those thoughts about as well as I was going
to. I was reasonably comfortable in my relationship with Nick, and
also reasonably sure that I didn't want anything more with him. I
mean, not that he'd want anything more with me, anyway. So forget
about it, OK? Sure.


I took a minute longer to arrange my thoughts to my liking, then
opened up my eyes. About two feet away from me were Nick's baby
blues, staring into my own eyes, with a glowing smile, and little
droplets of ocean trickling out of his hair and across his face. I
sat bolt upright, with tingles travelling down my spine. But were
they shivers or chills? Was I scared, or excited?

As an afterthought, I kept moving until I was on my feet. Nick
immediately sat up again, a look of concern on his face.

"Are you alright, Drew? You've gone really pale."

"I'm fine, don't worry. I'm going back into the water now. See ya
soon."

I turned around and ran rather than jogged down to the surf.


Nick frowned. He turned around to face Howie, resting his feet on
my towel in between them.

"Howie, did.....did that seem a little strange to you?"

Howie thought for a second, before replying, "Yeah, it did actually.
Drew's normally so cool, unflappable, whatever. He did look pretty
upset there, didn't he?"

Nick nodded, chewing his lip thoughtfully. "Was it me? Did I do
something? I swear all I did was smile at him, I hadn't even said
anything."

Howie smiled and sat up. He reached over to pat Nick's foot. "Nick,
not everything that's wrong in the world is your fault. You can't let
yourself feel responsible every time someone gets upset. You're only
digging yourself an early grave."

Nick furrowed his brow. "Well, what was it then? Did you say
something? What was the last thing you said to him?"

"Well, the last thing I said to him was.......'Did you just fart?'"
Nick raised an eyebrow. "But I don't think he heard me say that."

Nick shook his head. "What did you say before that?"

"I said: `Holy crap! Take a look at that g-string down there!'."

Nick blinked. "And did he hear you say that?"

Howie blushed a little. "Actually, no, I don't think so."

"For god's sake, Howie! I'm fucking worried about Drew! Could you cut
the crappy humour and tell me what the fuck you said to him, the last
thing you said that you're sure he heard!"

Howie was stunned at the outburst. "Umm.......I think I said that it
was obvious that you really liked him."

"Well, I do." Nick frowned again. "Are you sure that was what you
said? That's nothing, really, and Drew isn't the kind of guy to get
upset at nothing."

Howie nodded for a moment. "Unless...."

"Unless what?"

"Unless he took it to mean that you *really* like him."

Nick thought for a while, then slowly shook his head. "No, I don't
think so. I mean, why would he? Drew's not gay."

Howie nodded, acknowledging Nick's reply. Then, seeming to change the
subject, he said softly, "*Do* you?"

Nick's eyes grew big for a second. "Come on, Howie, I'm not gay, you
know that." Nick cleared his throat.

"OK, but would you, if you were?"

Nick snorted. "Would you?"

"Yeah, easily. If he were even the slightest bit interested in me,
I'd definitely go for him."

Nick laughed and looked at Howie, who was displaying no humour on his
face at all. "You were *serious*?"

Howie nodded. "Why wouldn't I? He's smart, funny, easy-going, cute
in a `Southern Hemisphere' kind of way, he's a nice guy. And, most
importantly, he's foreign."

"Oh, come on, he's hardly foreign, he's Australian."

"Still, the benefits are still there."

Nick smiled. "All right, then. Tell me again what the benefits are."

"Easy. One, the accent. You can't tell me you don't love it. Two,
when he comes to visit you, you're completely in charge, since he's
got no idea where the hell he is. And three, in case of a messy
break-up, you live in different countries anyway, so you never have
to see him again."

They both laughed at this.

"But, Howie, he's your friend! Wouldn't that be more than a little
weird having a relationship with him?"

"No, not at all. Take a look around, Nick. How many couples do you
know that were friends first? Sure, it doesn't always work out, but
it's a good thing when you already know the person before you start
out. And I can tell you, from my experience, the closer they were as
friends, the better couple they make." Howie winked at Nick
knowingly.

"Was that...." Nick began to ask.

"Subconscious one, sorry." Howie smiled. Nick nodded, missing the
obvious flaw in Howie's logic.

"But, this is all completely hypothetical, Nick, cos I know he isn't
interested in me at all. From what I've noticed, though, there is
someone else who's caught his eye."

"Well, fine. Just don't expect me to ask who it is."

"Great! Cos I wasn't going to tell you anyway!" Howie smiled.

Nick pouted his lips in frustration. "Well..........fine! I'm going
back to the water!"

"FINE, then! I'll see you LATER!" Howie laughed.


I only planned to spend a few minutes in the water, since we'd have
to take off again pretty soon if we were joining the others for lunch
back at the hotel. I just needed a few minutes to get my shit together.

OK, this was really posing problems. I knew that I wasn't serious
about....that thing I'd thought about earlier, but if it was going to
affect our friendship like that, then it was something that required
some thought. So, I'll just schedule that thinking in to my next free
half-hour. `Do it now!' nagged the back of my mind, in vain. No, I
convinced myself, this needed to be considered with my entire mind,
when there were no distractions like.....keeping my head above the
water, say.

I made my way back to shore, catching a wave for a few metres before
falling off the back in disgrace. I stood up again and started
walking, only to have Nick pop out of the water right beside me,
obviously on his way out. "Hey," I smiled at him.

"Oh, hey, Drew. You OK now?"

"Yeah! I told you there was nothing wrong, and I meant it, Nick."
LYING THROUGH MY TEETH. "Do you have the time on you?"

Nick looked at his sports watch. "Yeah. Time for us to go, actually.
Let's just catch the next wave in and head off."

I nodded resignedly. God, did the whole world need to see me do this?
We walked back out a little way, to where the waves were a little
bigger, then turned. Nick lay down the rules.

"OK. We both go on the same wave, OK? And I get to say which one.
We'll go on the third one coming. So, get ready!"

I turned to have a look, and, sure enough, the third one coming was
the biggest.

Without turning this into some kind of Disney movie moment of
personal achievement, let's just say I nailed it. For once I caught
it brilliantly. Once I realised I wasn't going to fall off the back,
I shook my head a few times to clear the spray and looked about. Nick
was off to my left, he'd nailed it as well. Left arm out in front of
me to steady myself, I came charging into the shore, smiling and
laughing like an idiot, hoping to god there wasn't anyone in my path,
cos I sure as hell wasn't getting out of their way this time.

Finally, when my knees hit sand below me, I knew it was probably time
to give up on the wave and walk the remaining bit. I got to my feet
and jumped high into the air, all my troubles forgotten.

"WOOO HOOO!" I cried deliriously, "I frickin' NAILED one, at last!"

I got a few strange looks, but then someone started applauding. I
turned around to see Nick clapping his hands in appreciation, and by
the time he stopped to slap me on the back, half a dozen other
bathers were continuing the applause. I laughed at my own
embarrassment, and kept walking up the beach.

"Drew, that was great!" Nick enthused.

I smiled. "Yeah, well, it wasn't anything you didn't do as well."

Nick chuckled. "I beg to differ. I didn't make an idiot out of myself
in front of hundreds of strangers."

Oh, and for once I thought of the perfect comeback! But should I use
it? It was a bit mean. No, I thought, I'm going to use it while I
can.

"Oh, I don't know, Nick! You do the same thing every time you're on
stage, don't you?"

Nick's head shot around to look at me, seeing me smiling innocently.
"Oh, that was good!" he smiled. "Sure shut me up!"

"Yeah, well, I guess some people are just born talented, aren't
they?" Nick shook his head with another smile.

By now we were back at our towels, where Howie was already getting
ready to go. Nick and I dried off a little, before wrapping our
towels around our waists and starting to walk off behind Howie.

When we were back to street level, Howie turned to me and said:

"Hey, Drew, I saw what you did back down there!"

I burst into a big smile. "How cool did I look surfing that wave?
Huh? Go on, you can tell me, I won't get a big head or anything! How
awesome was I?"

Howie smiled back. "Well, I couldn't really say, I didn't exactly see
that. You did make a pretty big ass of yourself when you got to the
shore, though. That much I did see." Nick began laughing straight
away, as did Howie and I just a moment later. I probably did look
pretty stupid, I guess.

We made our way back to the ferry wharf, stopping for a bite to eat,
since the beach had made us really hungry. A ferry was just docking
as we arrived, so we didn't have to wait at all, and we made our way
onto the crowded ferry. As a result, we couldn't find three seats
together, so, before I could sit down in it, Howie sat down in a
single seat and pointed to two seats together across the aisle and a
few rows in front of him, where Nick and I promptly sat our asses
down. We chatted amiably as the ferry pulled away, finishing our
snacks. I turned around to check on Howie, but he seemed fine. We
made eye contact as he was looking over at us with a mystifying
smile plastered across his face. I smiled and turned back around.

"So, lunch at the hotel, then a sound check, yeah?" I asked Nick.

He nodded. "Yeah, that's it."

"So, um......what am I supposed to do while you guys are doing your
sound check?" I asked uncertainly.

Nick laughed. "Drew, you get to have the most fun of all! You get to
sit there and watch us!" I smiled at his attempted joke. "That's the
time when your job will start to seem like real work. It can be
really boring. We'll just be up there singing the same stuff over
and over again while the techs do their stuff. I might ask you to
throw something at me if I yawn."

"But what if I fall asleep before that happens?" I joked.

"Then we dock your pay!" Nick replied, laughing. I didn't have a
problem with his reply, since I knew it was a joke. Well, if it
wasn't, I was contacting the union!

I turned around again to check on Howie, and found him looking over
at us again, and again with a stupid grin all over his face. I waved
at him, thinking that maybe he wasn't looking at us, but he proved me
wrong by waving right back. I turned back around.

"Hey, Nick - don't turn straight around, but in a minute or so, have
a look over at Howie, will ya?" Nick looked at me with his `What are
you crazy?' look, and I replied in kind with my `Just go with me on
this' face. Since conversation was impossible for now, we sat in
silence for a minute or two until Nick turned his head,
casual-as-you-like, to look at Howie across the aisle from us. I saw
him wave his hand, then turn back around.

"OK, Drew, what was I meant to see, exactly?"

"Was he looking over at us?"

"Yeah," Nick replied immediately.

"And did he have a real stupid grin going on?"

"Yeah, he did, actually," Nick confirmed.

"Well, then, I think it's safe to conclude that he's been looking at
us like that the whole time we've been sitting here."

"Huh," Nick mumbled.

" `Huh' is right," I agreed. "But what do we do about it?"

Nick shrugged. "Nothing. We're as good as there already, we won't
have to sit like this much longer. I can handle it if you can."

I shrugged myself. "Whatever."



We soon got back to the hotel, without much happening, and went on up
to our floor. We immediately made for our own rooms to take a shower.
I revelled in getting rid of the sand and salt, but especially that
darn pesky sand. The wonderful hot water was pretty sweet, too.
Before I knew it, I'd spent half an hour in the shower, and I lazily
stepped out and wrapped a towel around my waist.

Lunch went by in a blink, and, I guess because I'd expended so much
energy at the beach in the morning, I was already pretty beat. But,
like they say, there's no rest for the wickedly rich and handsome.
Nor for me, apparently.

The afternoon was slated for a look at the concert venue, and a
preliminary sound check, so when we were done eating, Kevin got on
the phone and arranged for our pick-up. Our pick-up being a limo, of
course, not an actual pick-up.....geez, give us a little credit!
Although, that would be quite an image......the Backstreet Boys
sitting in the back of a pickup truck, chewing on hay stalks.....hey,
I think there might be a video clip in that.....

Not long after, the phone buzzed at us, so we left and took the lift
down to the lobby, which we crossed, and hopped into the waiting
limo. As we pulled out of the hotel's driveway, I suddenly couldn't
stop myself from yawning - though I did manage to cover it up fairly
nicely. Recovering, I asked, this time to the whole group:

"So what am I meant to do while you guys are up on stage?"

"You get to sit there and watch us," Brian smiled.

"Right," I nodded, "but how am I meant to stay awake?" I felt another
yawn building.

"You can look at me!" Nick exclaimed.

I yawned - a really big one, inconcealable this time. The rest of the
group laughed.

"Gee, Drew, way to build a guy's self-esteem," Nick mumbled through a
barely repressed smile.

"Sorry! I promise that wasn't deliberate!"

"It's alright, I could tell that. What I was going to say was that you
could look at me to make sure *I'm* not falling asleep. If I start to
yawn, or close my eyes, or anything, I do want you to throw something
at me. Deal?"

Brian, Howie and AJ's faces all lit up.

"I'll take that job," AJ offered.

"No, I'll do it!" Howie protested.

"Sorry, but that job belongs to me, right, Frack?" Brian countered.

Nick smiled. "Awww. It's nice to know I'm loved. Thanks guys. But
you're forgetting one important point. I DIDN'T ASK YOU!" Nick smiled
and looked at me. "I asked Drew."

"And Drew is happy to accept," I replied. "Might prove entertaining,
really."



And we were soon at the arena. I'd been there a couple of times
before for concerts, basketball games, etc., but never when it was
empty. The place was enormous! Noise echoed around the room as stage
crew busily assembled equipment, technicians checked lights, and
managers shouted out instructions to people across the floor. Despite
the racket, it looked to be a pretty smooth operation.

I made my way, with the boys, to the stage, which was on the floor of
the arena, this tour being `in the round' as their previous tours had
been. We threaded our way through the maze of equipment, work going
on around us.........which struck me as quite odd! There were
superstars in their midst, and these guys - and girls - weren't
batting an eyelid! Some said hello or smiled at the boys, and nodded
hello to me, the new face, but most didn't even look up! Of course,
it took only a moment's rational thought to realise that the road
crew had done this all a hundred times, packing and unpacking the set
in concert arenas across the world, and had had plenty of time to get
past being in awe of the group. In fact, it seemed to be quite the
reverse. My companions looked around, still in awe after so many
shows, at the work going on, and I, too, was amazed at how quickly
and smoothly the crew worked to get everything done. In front of me,
Brian was stepping carefully between boxes, jumping out of the way of
people, and immediately apologising when he bumped into someone.

Brian walked up onto the stage, which had been assembled, and looked
around the Entertainment Centre. I was so lost in thought, looking
around myself, that it wasn't until I heard a throat clearing behind
me that I turned and saw AJ, and behind him, the others, lined up,
facing the (currently absent) audience, ready to start. I froze for a
second, then my sub-conscious took the reins and had me jump down
from the stage, back to where I belonged - and it was so obvious that
I did, judging by the amount of butterflies which left my stomach as
soon as I sat down on a closed lighting case a few metres back from
the front of the stage.

I looked up to see AJ laughing. "Sorry, Drew, auditions were last
week, *mate*."

I smiled weakly. "Ha, ha."

Kevin moved into leadership mode. "OK, guys, the quicker we do this,
the quicker we can get back outside into the sunlight. Are we ready?"
He was met with a chorus of nods. Looking into the distance behind
me, he called out: "Are you ready for us yet, Bob?"

I turned myself around to see where Bob might be located, but all I
could see was an arm sticking up from behind a desk, waving. That
seemed to be a reply in the affirmative, so the guys each picked up
a microphone from a tray on the edge of the stage.

"OK, LET'S HEAR BRIAN," a voice boomed across the arena. Apparently
Bob had found his microphone.

Brian took a breath, then launched right into -

"You are my fire
The one desire
Believe when I say
I want it that way."

I got shivers down my spine. I *loved* that song.

I looked immediately to Nick, expecting him to continue the song, but
he stood there silently, staring down at me. I guess that was one
joke which had grown old *very* early in the picture with these guys.
They were at work now, and that meant no screwing around.

"THANKS. AJ?" Bob called.

"I never thought that I would lose my mind
That I could control this, yeah.
Never thought that I'd be left behind
That I was stronger than you, oh-oh....."

Again I got shivers. Damn, he had a great voice. Bob took a minute or
two before calling out:

"OK, NICK?"

Nick cleared his throat and began:

"And when I wake up to
The touch of your head on my shoulder
You're my dream come true,
Girl you know I always treasure
Every kiss, and every day
I love you girl, in every way,
And I always will, cos in my heart, ooh baby...."

The stadium rang with a deafening silence. That was so damn good!
Whoa, multiple shivers down my spine. In fact, it still hadn't
stopped. I'd never known so many shivers before - maybe I was
coming down with something? At any rate, I couldn't understand how
the others had stopped themselves from joining in - hell, I had
nearly done so myself!

"THANKS, NICK," the voice rang out. Nick smiled, pleased with
himself. I noticed Howie and AJ giving Nick a mean stare, with a
look which said, (to me, at least) `Scene-stealer!'

"HOWIE, PLEASE?" With a final stare at Nick, Howie sang

"When you talk,
Does it seem like he's not even listening to a word you say?
That's OK, babe,
Just tell me your problems, I'll try my best to kiss them all away."

Well, no shivers there. Then Howie winked, which must have triggered
something subliminally, and my spine obliged. Firing off one last
glance at Nick, this time saying: `That's all you gotta do, Nick,
it's just a freakin' sound check,' Howie sat down on the stage edge,
next to AJ.

"OK, KEVIN, YOU'RE UP."

The four others looked expectantly at Kevin as he sang:

"Life goes on, as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say forever gaze,
If only....."

I sure wasn't expecting what happened next.

"Guilty roads to an endless love
There's no control, are you with me now
Your every wish will be done
They tell me -"

The remaining three chimed in after Nick, and I was now officially
in heaven.

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my...heart


Howie jumped to his feet.


There's nowhere to run, I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body and soul
How can it be you're asking me to feel
the things you never show?

You are missing in my heart
Tell me why can't I be there where you are?

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart


I was in awe, these guys sounded so good together it just wasn't a
joke! And I was getting practically a private show!


Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart


I jumped to my feet and started clapping as hard and fast and loud as
I could! I could see a few of the crew around the place were
applauding as well. And deservedly so. When the applause had died
down, the disembodied voice returned:

"THANKS, GUYS. THAT'S REALLY ALL WE NEED FROM YOU TODAY. SEE YOU
TOMORROW."

I walked forward and leaned on the stage. "Well, if I had any
panties, I'd be throwing them now." That drew a few laughs. "That
really was brilliant, guys. If that was just practice, I can't wait
for the show!" I was met with a bank of smiles. Kevin jumped down
from the stage and jogged past me, heading off to the sound desk
a-ways off.

"What happens now?" I asked no-one in particular.

"Well, I think we're just waiting for Kev to...." Howie answered, his
gaze focused behind me. I turned to see Kevin nod at the invisible
Bob, then jog back up to the stage. Once up there, he turned to the
others, saying:

"Well, assume the position. You know what we have to do."

Nick and Brian both groaned. "Why do we have to practice this again,
for like the millionth time?" Nick.......yeah, OK. Nick *whined*.

Kevin sighed, but Howie answered for him - "Because Brian screwed
this up in Singapore. Sorry, Rok, you know I love you, bro, but you
did." Brian nodded repentantly. "So let's just do this right the
first time, and we're out. K, Nick?"

Nick nodded and moved to his mark. I looked to reclaim my seat but
found it being carried away by a couple of crew, so I went to the
next closest candidate, a stack of cases off to my left. As I sat
down, I looked back up at the stage and saw Nick standing in front of
me, looking down with a smile. "Don't forget to throw something at me
if....."

At that moment Nick was drowned out by the opening beats of `Larger
than Life', which came thumping out of the speakers. The guys began
to dance and otherwise move about the stage in a rhythmic fashion,
something I am completely incapable of doing and, as a result,
incapable of sensibly describing.

At first I kept my eyes on Nick, waiting for the opportunity to throw
something. I soon admitted defeat to myself since he looked perfectly
alert. I continued watching him though, which was easy to do, since
he was right there in front of me, until AJ moved across the stage
in front of Nick, jogging my memory that there were four other guys
up there too. Oops!

I shifted my gaze to AJ who was grinning strangely at me. I smiled
back, raising a questioning eyebrow. He glanced briefly over at Nick,
I assumed in order to take some cue or other, then looked back down
at me, his grin even more radiant, and even stranger. Yet, at the
same time, there was something oddly familiar in that smile. I was
sure I'd seen it somewhere else very recently. Hmmm......

Shrugging my shoulders after a few fruitless seconds, I looked across
at Brian. You could *see* the concentration dripping off him. There
was just no way he was going to screw this up again. I admired his
determination.

Down the far end of the stage, Howie and Kevin seemed to be purring
through the routine. I nodded in silent appreciation as they reached
the breakdown in the song, the part which called for some pretty
intense dancing. All five guys got through without a glitch.

I turned back to watch Nick, and as I did so I swear I saw him jerk
his head up suddenly so that he was now looking over my head.
Figuring that something interesting behind me must have caught his
attention, I took a look for myself, and saw.....nothing. Well, not
precisely nothing; to be sure, there was a stage crew member leaning
against the wall and picking her nose, but, I flattered myself, that
could hardly be interesting enough to make him look up. Which
meant.....

Which meant that the reason he'd looked away was because he didn't
want me to catch him looking at me. Why would he do that? Why
would.....

"OK, we're done, let's go!" AJ cried, breaking form first. The song
was still dying over the loudspeakers, but all the dancing was done,
and the guys were ready to move on. No-one else seemed to be clapping
this time, so as soon as I realised that, I stopped. The guys
stretched and jogged their way offstage, moving towards the same exit
we came in by. I scrambled to my feet and jogged over to follow them
before Howie turned around to check if I was coming or not. Well,
duh!

I followed Howie, bringing up the rear of the procession. Howie was
periodically stopping to stretch his quads and hammies, so I allowed
myself to fall behind a little, walking slowly through the arena,
watching the set grow before my very eyes. I wanted to commit every
detail to memory, so I could compare how it looked tomorrow,
surrounded by screaming teenagers. I turned a final pirouette, and
set off walking. Right into Howie's ass, as it turned out.

OK, so let me explain. It *so* wasn't my fault!

I had, unfortunately, knocked Howie over, but he had anticipated well
and recovered with a half-decent somersault, scoring 7.5s, 8.5 from
the Canadian judge. He pulled himself to his feet and winked to let
me know he was OK. That aside - damn, was I embarrassed! I just
wanted to roll away and die at that point. All the guys had seen what
happened, and were laughing their heads off. Except for Nick, I soon
noted, who was standing behind his bandmates and smiling concernedly
through his teeth. I blushed a million shades of red, as did Howie,
though he could at least see the humour in it and was grinning
broadly. I was still too shocked at what I'd just done to react at
all.

"Way to go, Sweet D! Bringin' out those smooth moves of yours, I
see?" AJ teased his friend.

I snapped back to life at this, and began to laugh, nervously.

"Man, I'm sorry, Drew. Are you OK?" Howie asked, resting his hand on
my shoulder.

I relaxed a little. "Yeah, I'm fine. How about you? You're the one
who got sent flying." The others burst out again, and Howie assured
me that he was fine. "So.....what exactly were you doing?"

Howie looked at me like I was nuts. "I was stretching. What else
would I have been doing?"

"Sure you were, Howie. Yeah, stretching, *that's* what it was," Brian
chirped. I relaxed a little more and was able to laugh fairly
naturally.

I saw Nick still looked a mite pissed, though. I tried to set his
mind at rest.

"Nick, everything's OK, mate. We're both fine. No broken bones. Just
bruised egos," I smiled.

Nick wasn't happy. "Howie, that was fucking stupid, what you just
did. Someone could have been badly hurt."

"But no-one was. We're *fine*," I repeated.

"Who the hell does stretches in a walkway, anyway?"

Nick's question raised a good point, but it was one I was happy to
consider later. I slipped past Brian and grabbed Nick's arm. Looking
deep into his eyes, I repeated:

"Nick, let it go. We're *fine*. We're both sorry it happened, and I
think we can be sure it won't happen again. Now would you quit
worrying? You're gonna give yourself wrinkles," I smiled.

Nick took a deep breath and nodded his head. "Alright," he said
softly.

"Great," I replied, smiling again, and this time seeing it mirrored
on Nick's face, and in his eyes.....

"A-HEM!" I broke the stare and turned to see AJ looking at me,
again with that oddball grin. "We're ready to go now, boys. Have
been for the last few minutes."

I nodded.

"So we really need you to move," AJ insisted.

I turned back to Nick and noticed that we were in fact blocking the
entire doorway. Then I noticed that my hand was still on Nick's arm.
I let it fall immediately and walked through the door, the others
following close behind. I briefly considered bending over to re-tie
my shoelace, but thought better of it.

We were now in the foyer area, and through the glass doors ahead was
the outside world, and our limo. I held the door for the guys,
insisting that Kevin pass through despite his repeated attempts to
let me go ahead of him, before finally following him into the warm
afternoon air. Nick got the limo door before the driver could get
there, and he ushered us in. As Howie jumped in, I overheard him
say -

"Oh, Nicky? That thing we were discussing earlier today, back at the
beach? Just to let you know, I would. I *so* would."

He was in the car before Nick could respond, but as I got to the car,
Nick had it figured out and was blushing profusely.

"Thanks, Nick," I offered as I climbed in, but Nick wouldn't meet my
gaze. He got in behind me, closed the door, and stared straight out
the window. Kevin distributed bottles of water from the bar fridge,
and we pulled away.



I opened the door.

"We're leaving in 5, so get your butt downstairs."

"Yessir!" I snapped, coming to attention.

AJ smiled. "Finally I'm getting the respect I deserve."

I chuckled as I gathered up my wallet and everything else I needed,
turned off the TV, cast a quick eye around the room, then turned
back to the door. "OK, I'm ready."

We walked to the lift and waited for just a moment until it arrived.
Since there was already a middle-aged couple in the lift, we did the
usual thing and rode down in silence.


I'd spent the afternoon pretty quietly. When we got back from the
Ent Cent it became clear that the guys were only going to kick around
the hotel, so I excused myself and went to my room for a nap. A
pretty good nap, as it turned out, for I wasn't woken until a phone
call from Kevin let me know that dinner was on its way. We just had
room service to eat - Nick had ordered me a steak, just the way I
liked it. I swear, his memory of details was bordering on the
freakish. I could barely remember what he'd had for dinner last
night, let alone three months ago!

After dinner we'd split up to get ready for tonight's appearance at
2DAY FM, and we were planning to head out to a night club afterwards,
as well. I'd changed my clothes and fixed my hair and brushed my
teeth.....cos I was excited about who I was going to meet tonight!
Oh, sure, relative to the Backstreet Boys, it........no, actually,
it still was pretty big! For me, at least.

So I'd sat down and watched some cruddy American sitcom on TV, trying
to chill out, and that was pretty much the state of play when AJ
knocked on my door.



The lift doors opened and we walked out. The couple sharing the
elevator with us walked past us, hand-in-hand, in the direction of
the hotel's nicest restaurant. I smiled at that. That was nice. I
wanted that, someday. Soon would be nice, but I wasn't dying or
anything.

AJ drew a dramatically deep breath. "Well, will you look at that -
we beat Kevin!"

"Not by very much, though," a voice came from about a foot behind
our ears. AJ and I spun around in a second to see Kevin standing
right behind us, and Brian, Nick and Howie tumbling out of the lift
behind him, right next to the one we'd rode down. Brian raced around
Kevin and grabbed me from behind, holding me firmly by the shoulders,
using me as a human shield. Howie and Nick skidded to a halt in front
of me, both with smiles the size of Texas. Or Minnesota, at least.

"Now, guys, you wouldn't want me to hurt Drew, would you?" Brian
asked. I hoped it was a rhetorical question.

They stood stock still, eyeing me warily. I was curious.

"Umm, Nick, Howie? What exactly did Brian do?"

Howie answered. "Oh, he just said that Nick...."

"You know, I really don't think it needs to be repeated, do you?"
Nick asked, his hand over Howie's mouth.

I smiled. "Well, Brian, I'm sure you deserve whatever's coming to
you." I tried to slip out of his clutches but he grabbed me around
the chest and pulled me to him roughly with one arm while the other
hand he made into a pistol which he held under my chin. If I wasn't
struggling to stand upright, I would have been laughing so hard!

"All right, guys, BACK OFF!" Brian cried. The others laughed in
spite of themselves.

Kevin went on to roll his eyes. "Come on, Brian, not again."

Brian pressed his finger harder into my neck. It was actually
beginning to hurt, a little. "Nuh-uh. You know how this goes."

Howie groaned. "Alright, alright. What are your demands?"

"OK, first I want immunity. You can't get me back for saying........
what I just said. Then, I want.......no, actually, that's about it
this time. But if I don't get it, then......"

I scoffed. "Then what? You'll drag your fingernails back and forth
across my neck a few thousand times?"

Nick and Howie laughed, while Brian shook his head in disappointment.
"Why do I *always* end up with the smartass hostage?" He then did
just as I had suggested.

"Ow! Brian!" I yelped. "Jesus Christ, cut those damn things!"

Nick appeared concerned. "Yeah, OK, Brian, just let Drew go." Brian
did, but not before royally messing up my hair, which pissed me off
no end, given that I was going to meet......

Nick walked up to me. "Jesus, Brian, I think you drew blood!" he
exclaimed, lifting my chin gently with his index finger. I smiled
weakly for him. "You did, you asshole! You cut those nails before
I cut them for you!"

"Don't, Nick," warned Kevin.

"Yeah. Nick, trust me, you'd make a rotten manicurist," I attempted.

Lame humour rules, people. The tension of the moment was diffused;
Nick smiled at me again, and we headed for the door.


The hotel was still mercifully unthronged by fans, and while the guys
stopped to talk to the few fans that were there, I went ahead and got
the door for them. Turning around again to see them, I was struck by
how wonderful these guys were to their fans - it would be so much
easier for them to just wave and walk on by, but it was the mark of
their class that all the group stopped and shook hands, took photos,
signed t-shirts and whatever was thrust at them. The smiles that lit
up the faces of all the fans, and of their parents who were hanging
discreetly off to the edges, trying to hide their own excitement from
their children, were enough to warm even my cynical heart.

One by one the guys pulled themselves away, apologising, offering
excuses, granting final hugs and kisses, and jumped into the limo.
When Brian finally freed himself from one last hug and got in, I
hopped in beside him and pulled the door shut, and immediately we set
off.

"So, Drew? What can we look forward to with this radio guy.....what's
his name? Blinky Bill?" Howie asked. I chuckled.

"No," I was still laughing, "it's Ugly Phil. He's a bit of an idiot,
really. Harmless, though. He'll almost certainly make some stupid
crack about hanging around with you guys so he can pick up women. He
hosts a show called the Hot 30 with a woman called Jackie O. She's
great, too, I love her. I'm actually getting nervous about meeting
her, truly. I can't count the number of times I've agreed with
exactly what she has just said on the radio. It's just freaky. And
she's not bad looking, either. I've seen photos of her on their
website."

Brian smiled. "Could it be that Drew has a crush?"

I considered this for a moment. "Maybe."

"And are you going to pay *dearly* for that admission when we get to
the studio?" Brian broke into unrestrained laughter.

I bit my tongue and mentally cursed myself. OK, Drew, best not to
show annoyance here. If he thinks it won't bother you, he won't do
anything to embarrass you. Yep, good plan.

"Again, maybe." I replied coolly. Yeah. I think I got out of that.

AJ snapped his fingers, making me flinch a little. "So that's why you
took so long getting ready tonight! I thought you were dressed to
impress!"

The others laughed as I squirmed. "OK, new subject, please." I
reached across to the control console and put my finger to the radio
switch. "We gonna do the obvious thing and listen to the show before
we get there?" Kevin nodded, so I flicked the switch and tuned in the
radio. We just caught the tail end of `Smooth', and I was nodding my
head in time with the music, as I often do, when Nick caught my eye
and, smiling, said:

"You like this song, do ya?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I guess I do. How `bout you?"

"Hell yeah! That's the kind of music I've always liked. I mean, come
on, what's not to like?"

I smiled as the song ended and Phil's voice came over the airwaves.

"Hot 30, get your votes in on 1-800........ that was Santana with
Rob Thomas, `Smooth', number 22 tonight, before that we had......
Madison Avenue, `Don't call me baby' and Tina Cousins at number 24."
Deep breath. "Jack, I'm excited about something."

A woman's voice came through the speakers. "Oh, me too, Phil. I'm
pretty excited here, and I know the few hundred fans downstairs are
already pretty hyped."

I felt all pairs of eyes turn upon me, and, damn it, I blushed. Brian
laughed and rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

"Yeah, I know, there are....*thousands* of people down outside the
building here....I'm just takin' a look out the window......"

"Well, I wouldn't say thousands, Phil, but there's definitely several
hundred."

"Yeah, and we've got our lucky competition winners here in the studio
with us because..." dramatic sci-fi style build-up music began, "in
just a few moments we are going to be joined, right here in the
studio, by......well, by the biggest pop group in the world. Hey,
competition winners, whaddoya think of THE BACKSTREET BOYS?"

Immediately there was an unearthly screaming coming at us, causing
the microphones to distort. I looked around the car to see each
Backstreet Boy with a differing level of smile on his face. Brian
appeared least thrilled.

"Wow!" Jackie said.

"Folks at home, I can tell you, we only have 25 people in here. All
that noise came from just 25 people, all of them winners of our
competition here on the Hot 30. They're all here to see the
Backstreet Boys, who have their fantastic album `Millennium' - you've
really gotta go get it. They are really talented singers, all of
them. And Jackie, wouldn't you say, they're all pretty attractive
young men?"

Screaming filled the studio again and I laughed as AJ subconsciously
checked his hair and Brian brushed a crumb off his shirt. Jackie
laughed for a while before replying -

"Well, there's your answer! Yeah, I think they're all pretty
gorgeous, actually. I mean, no matter what your taste in men, you've
got one to suit you. You've got tall and graceful Kevin," screams,
followed by laughter," then there's Brian, I mean, he's just so.....
adorable! If you like sexy Latin guys, Howie's for you, if you like
guys who are a little......different, then you'd go for AJ," mad
screaming after AJ's name, and AJ grinned as wide as I ever saw him,
"then, if you haven't found your type yet, then you've got the
youngest member of the group, the tall, blond, and beautiful Nick!"
More screams ensued, but Nick only blushed shyly as the others
attempted to make him feel bad.

"Well, Jack you won't have to wait long now - hey, while we're
talking about it, who's your favourite?"

"Oh, I don't know, Phil......."

"You have a favourite, yeah?"

"Yeah, I do, I just......don't wanna tell you. I just *know* you'll
embarrass me over it."

"What, me?" Phil asked innocently. "Come on, Jackie, when have I ever
embarrassed you?"

Jackie laughed incredulously. "Oh, Phil! Let's see.....how about when
the Red Hot Chilli Peppers were here, when Westlife were here, then
back when we interviewed Take That a couple of years ago......Phil,
there's no *way* I'm going through that again. Cos I can't get you
back! The only person I can embarrass you about is...."

Phil cut her off: "Is Geri Halliwell. I know, Jack, what can I say?
She's my woman. I don't try and keep it secret, hell, I tell everyone
I meet. See, if you'd only be open about these things, you wouldn't
be embarrassed over them."

"Nah, nice try, Phil, but no!" Jackie laughed again. Ah, there was
that laugh that cut straight through me. Of all the things I liked
about Jackie, I loved her laugh. It was so honest and unreserved.
So....not something you'd expect to hear on the radio. Snapping
fingers in front of my face brought me back to earth.

"Oh yeah, he's got a crush, all right," Howie laughed.

Everybody laughed, myself included, except for Nick, who was staring
out the window at something disappearing fast behind us. I took no
notice as Phil's voice came back, this time obviously talking to
someone else in the room, someone without a microphone.

"What was that? Oh, she did, did she? Come on, tell me! Say what? OK
then. Listeners, coming up, Nic van dyke reveals who Jackie's
favourite Backstreet Boy is. That'll be coming up, right after
Killing Heidi, number 21 on the countdown as voted by you."

"Oh, Nic, no! Come on....." was all we were able to hear before Phil
cut off Jackie's microphone and the song, `Mascara', began playing.

"Kevin, it'll be you," I spoke.

AJ screwed up his face. "She likes *him* best?" he pointed across the
car. I nodded.

"Some women do have taste, Alex," Kevin smiled.

We were now only a couple of minutes away from the radio station's
studios.



We arrived on the 27th floor and found ourselves in a busy reception
area. Half a dozen people were craning their necks to catch a glimpse
of the Boys, but it was only a moment before Ugly Phil came jogging
down the corridor.

"Ignore all these schleps, guys, just ignore them!" he laughed, a
little nervously. He came to a stop in front of us. "Hi, I'm Ugly
Phil. I interviewed you guys a few years ago in San Francisco, but
you've forgotten who I am. Don't worry, so has my Dad."

I could see that at least Brian and Nick were taken aback. Aged in
his late 30s, Phil was completely bald but for a thin goatee. He wore
glasses in front of a pair of eyes which looked a little......beady.
He was a little overweight, but not terribly so. He was no oil
painting, for sure, but he wasn't as ugly as he claimed to be, either.

Howie recovered first and stuck out his hand. "Hi, I'm Howie Dorough,
this is Nick Carter, AJ McLean, Brian Littrell, Kevin Richardson." I
stood there feeling just a tad superfluous.

"And this is Drew Campbell," Brian introduced me, "he's on tour with
us for our Australian leg."

I shook Phil's hand. "Hi," I smiled. "I love your show. I listen
almost every night."

Phil raised his eyebrow. "You're Australian!" I nodded. "Wow.....how
did you get a job with these guys?"

I smiled, as I did every time I remembered how it had come to pass.
"Long story. Not particularly interesting."

Phil asked us to follow him, so we did. Down a corridor, left,
right.....and then, before I knew it, we were in the studio. With
HER.

Jackie looked *stunning*. Her blonde hair was arranged perfectly
around her face, her eyes were beautiful......her dress was great as
well - and that was a little unexpected, I had to admit. Her dress
sense did lean towards the way out. I guess she'd dressed up for the
occasion, just as I had. But with different targets in mind,
obviously. And all this against the backdrop of a panoramic view back
up the harbour, with the last few minutes of light on the horizon
behind the city skyscrapers. WOW.

Introductions were made again. I shivered when I shook Jackie's hand.
Or, I think I did. I must have, surely. We moved to sit down, and I
was surprised to see I'd be sitting at the desk with the guys. Phil
tried to have Kevin sit next to Jackie, to suit his own evil plans,
but Brian had his agenda, and since he had the upper hand, I sat down
next to Jackie a minute later.

I cleared my throat and turned to Jackie. "I'm sorry. I know you'd
rather be sitting next to Kevin."

Jackie blushed as Phil laughed joyfully. "Hang on - how did you know
that?" Jackie demanded.

"I'm a regular listener. It's strange how often we think alike,
actually," I smiled.

If I was too stupid to realise what it sounded like I'd just said -
and I was - Brian sure wasn't. Nor was Howie. At the sound of their
laughing I blushed deep red and quickly said:

"Not that way! Bloody hell, you guys! Sorry, Kevin. No offence
meant."

He grinned back at me from the other side of the table. "None taken."

"I just meant that we agree on most music, for instance. And just....
opinions on stuff." Good one, Drew. Full marks for eloquence.

"So you'd side with me in an argument with Phil?" Jackie asked.

"Yep. Almost always," I confessed.

"Excellent," Jackie smiled. "We might have to keep you around, Drew."

"Hey, sorry to interrupt your mating ritual over there, guys, but we
have a show to do!" Phil joked. I blushed and turned away from
Jackie. Brian was grinning like a madman.

A few seconds later the ad break ended and the interview began. For
some reason I just wasn't interested. I'd heard all the questions,
and all the answers, before - let's face it, an original question was
about as likely as....something really unlikely.

But Jackie was going good, though. Yeah. I thought we may have made a
`connection'. Or was I just dreaming it? I wasn't feeling at all
nervous around her, which was a good thing, if completely unexpected.
And, though I was no expert - not even slightly - I think that she'd
been pretty positive in what she'd said to me so far.

My ears pricked up as I heard my name mentioned. It was Howie's voice.

"This guy over here? His name is Drew, Drew Campbell. He's part of
our tour while we're here. He's got the job of making sure we have
fun while we're here."

"So, basically, you're buying their drugs for them, hiring
prostitutes, that kinda stuff, yeah?" Phil asked.

I laughed. "Yep. Oh, that reminds me - I have your cocaine here,
Brian."

"Oh, thanks, man." Brian took it in his stride, even if the others
looked a little surprised. He leant in to the microphone and, clamping
one nostril shut, inhaled deeply. "Oh, yeah!" He continued rubbing his
nose loudly into the microphone, causing the rest of us to laugh.

Phil shook his head, laughing. "Man, you're gonna be in so much
trouble for that."

Reality dawned on Brian and he tried to make the best of the
situation. "OK, Kids? Don't do drugs, mmkay? Cos drugs are bad,
mmkay?" We all laughed again.

Phil looked at me again. "So, Drew, what's your story?"

I blushed. "I.....I don't think anyone wants to hear me talk, Phil."

Jackie disagreed. "No, that's not true. When a good-looking young guy
like you starts hanging out with the Backstreet Boys, people are
gonna be interested. I think it's safe to say that you'll soon be
getting admirers of your own. So, tell us a little about yourself."

"Yeah, and make it snappy, could you? I allocated a minute for you
to speak, and the clock's ticking," Phil joked.

I didn't have time to sit stunned at what Jackie had said, much as I
would have liked to. "OK, well, let's see. I'm 20 years old, I'm a
Scorpio," I laughed, "I live here in Sydney. I'll hopefully be going
to uni next year, not sure what I'll study. Umm.....I have one
sister, older. I like.....movies? Favourites? I don't know.....
Mission: Impossible is up there. So is American Beauty, that was a
great movie. Music? Yep, I love it. Of course, I just love these guys
here," I indicated with my hand, not thinking of the radio audience,
"they're my favourite group." Brian and Nick both `Yayy'ed softly. I
laughed again. "But other artists? Garbage - I love them. Jennifer
Lopez - hey, don't laugh," I glared at Howie, "I happen to like her
*music*, OK? It is possible. I love Killing Heidi, they rock and.....
well, that's probably about it. I'll shut up now, let everybody hear
these guys talk."

"Actually, it's funny you should mention Killing Heidi, they're up
next on the countdown, their second appearance tonight. Guys, would
you like to intro them?"

"These guys rock," Nick declared.

"You've heard them already?" Phil was surprised.

"Yeah, Drew's been sending me some mp3's," Nick replied.

I smiled. That just sounded funny, somehow.

"Here's Killing Heidi, number 12 on the Hot 30 tonight. This is their
third single, `Live Without it'." Nick did it all himself.

"Hey, what about us?" Brian demanded.

"Too slow. You snooze, you lose," Nick cheerfully intoned as the song
came up and we went off air.

I picked up the glass of water in front of me and put it against my
lips. OK, back-track, back-track. She thinks I'm good-looking? Wow!
That's......incredible! And she actually wanted to hear me talk about
myself as well. This is great.

"You know, you're right, we do have things in common. Music tastes, at
least. I love Garbage, and Killing Heidi are my favourite Australian
group. You'd like Ella, the lead singer. She's great, so down-to-earth."

"Name dropper," I jibed.

She laughed. "Well, maybe I am, but look at you! Look at all those
names you can drop," she gestured at the Boys, "Drew, you're no
lightweight yourself." I laughed again, as did she. "I don't know
about Jennifer Lopez, though......" she trailed off.

I smiled. "Yeah, I know. You're a Marc Anthony girl. He's pretty cool."

I made her blush. She looked wonderful. "Guilty as charged. Boy, you
really are a regular listener, aren't you?"

I nodded in response, a smile in my eyes.

"OK then, tell me this: who's your favourite member of Bardot?" she
didn't need to ask me whether I liked them - she just knew that I
would. How neat.

"Sophie," I returned. "And yours is......?"

I could see this was hard for her to admit, since she'd been one of
the judges picking the girls to form the group. Under her breath, I
just caught her saying:

"Me, too." She smiled guiltily. Man, she wore guilt well.

Jackie glanced up abruptly and blushed again. I looked to see what
she was looking at, and saw six faces looking at us with varying
degrees of interest and amusement. Brian and Phil had their big
smiles out, they were loving it. Kevin just looked amused, like he
didn't really get what was going on, but knew that it was funny all
the same. AJ was looking at me curiously, like he was trying to
figure something out. It was a look that made me a little
uncomfortable, I'll admit. Howie was doing the same.

Nick had his lips pressed tightly together and was staring at us with
an expression I couldn't begin to fathom. It could have been anything
from disinterest to despair. Our eyes met briefly but then he looked
over at Jackie, where his eyes stayed. Mine stayed on him, though,
trying to figure him out a little better. I realised that, though he
was the Backstreet Boy I knew best, in some ways, I knew less about
Nick than all the others. He just wasn't usually as open and candid
as the others could be. That only made me like him more, though. When
he did open up he was such a great guy, he made everyone around him
feel so.....special. That was how he made me feel, anyhow. He
definitely was intriguing.

I looked back at Jackie, who quickly turned away from me. Oh, my,
god! She'd been looking at me! That was a signal, wasn't it? That
meant something, right? I had to admit, I didn't really know what
did and didn't constitute a signal.

"You know, Jackie, Drew was really looking forward to meeting you
tonight," Brian spoke up. Boy, that little bastard was going to cop
some......well......I'd be less civil to him than to my other bosses,
anyway.

"Really?" Jackie asked disbelievingly. Then, looking into my eyes,
"Did I live up to expectations?" Something flashed in her eyes as she
spoke.

OK, now *that* was a sign. I cleared my throat. "I think it's safe to
say you exceeded them."

There was a moment's pause before Phil interjected:

"OK, this is completely unrelated, of course, but at this point I'd
like to remind everyone that all the bathrooms in the building are
equipped with condom machines."

I was completely stunned. I think the rest of the room burst out
laughing - I could hear Brian thumping the bench top - but I froze.
Jackie at least had years of experience being embarrassed by Phil, so
she was able to laugh a little and hide her face in her hands, but
even that was beyond me.

Before I had recovered, we were back from the ad break and the
interview resumed, over the top of Brian's continued laughter. This
time it had even less to do with me or with my role - in fact, it
wasn't even talking about the tour, so I rather selfishly tuned out
entirely, preferring instead to relive and rehash to death every
nuance of every word and look that had passed between Jackie and me.

I snapped back into focus as I heard Phil say in a
perkier-than-normal voice:

"So what are you guys getting up to while you're here? Do you guys
mind if I just.....hang out with you for a while? Cos I know you
must have hundreds of women throwing themselves at you, and I was
just wondering if you'd let me have some of the rejects?"

I rolled my eyes at this unsurprising turn of events. Kevin answered -

"Well, we are going out tonight, actually, but.....I think most of
the women who throw themselves at us aren't really your type, Phil.
I guess they'd be around.......15 to 20 years too young for you?"

"But.....but......hey, I don't care!" Phil joked.

"Oh, Phil!" Jackie replied first. "You do so care! Ignore him!"

The Boys nodded, as if that was exactly what they had planned on
doing, and after he'd finished laughing, Phil continued.

"OK, Coming up in just a minute now, the Backstreet Boys are going to
sing for us, LIVE on the radio. Right, guys?"

"Yep, that's right. So stay tuned, y'all." Kevin answered.

The show went to break, and the guys followed Phil out of the room
to go off to `Room 11'. I was hard pressed to decide whether to stay
and talk to Jackie, or follow the guys to watch them sing. I had the
decision made for me, though, when Nick turned back and looked at me
through the window. It was clear he was waiting for me to catch up to
him, so with a short sigh, completely inadequate for what was to
become a life-altering moment of the highest order, I got myself out
of my chair and joined him in the hallway.

Nick smiled. "We're not paying you to flirt, you know."

I grinned. "Not even with gorgeous blondes?" Nick bit his lip and
turned away. I ploughed blindly on. "Well, I just thought that, you
know, as long as it didn't interfere with you guys in any way......"

"What if it did?"

"Huh?"

Nick didn't answer, merely shook his head and walked on ahead of me.
I continued walking, a little more slowly now, as confusion took
over. What the...... Had one of the others been eyeing Jackie? I
certainly couldn't blame them, she *was* beautiful. Somehow I didn't
think that was it, though. There must have been something else......
Damn, all those things I'd been putting off thinking about, they
sure were coming back to haunt me. Still, I wasn't about to do this
right here and now, so I added another to the list.

Jackie, though, was something I could handle thinking about. God, had
we hit it off well! I'd never connected like that with a woman in so
short a space of time. I mean, I'd known from listening to her for so
long that we had a lot in common, but never in my wildest dreams had
I imagined us getting on so well, so soon! The cool bit was, I was
almost certain she felt the same! I'm the kind of guy who will
downplay even the strongest positive signals, convince myself they
mean nothing, but this time, I couldn't - nor did I want to - ignore
them.

And so now I was in a crowded room with a couple dozen loud teenage
girls instead of down the hall talking with her? That didn't seem to
make much sense. Why was I here, exactly?

At that moment Nick produced a note, as did each of the others in
their turn. The room quietened instantly as the crowd realised they
were warming up. I smiled as each note hung in the air - I guess that
was the effect they had on their fans. I leaned back against the wall
and crossed my arms over my chest.

After a moment or two, they were all done, and we sat in silence. I
guess the girls were just too nervous to chatter, but that changed
when Brian caught the eye of one of the younger ones, who looked to
be about eleven, and flashed her a super-cheesy grin. That set the
room giggling, which I thought was pretty cute.

It wasn't a minute later that Phil said into his mic, without any
introduction, - "Thanks Jack. We're down here in Room 11 with the
Backstreet Boys, they're going to sing live for us right now. What
song are you gonna be doing, guys?"

"Uh, we're gonna do `Show me the meaning of being lonely'," Howie
replied.

"OK, great... That's off your latest album, right?" Everyone else in
the room said a quiet `Duh!' which, taken together, was really quite
loud. Phil laughed. "Geez, sorry! OK, then, guys, you ready to go?
Let's hear it for the Backstreet Boys!"

Screaming and clapping filled the room. When it died down, together
the five sang the first line, and Brian came in immediately after.

So many words for the broken heart....
....
....
....
....


My gaze travelled over all the guys, resting on whoever was singing
at the time. Their eyes either scanned the room, or, in Brian's case
of course, remained closed for about the entire time. I just leaned
back, enjoying the harmonies.

Until it came to Nick's part of the song. My eyes moved to look at
him and met his eyes, looking right back at me. And there they
locked. He wouldn't look elsewhere, and I soon discovered that I
*couldn't* look away.

Guilty roads to an endless love
There's no control, are you with me now?
Your every wish will be done
They tell me......

Still I couldn't look away. I was a deer frozen in the headlights.
That might not sound like the most appropriate metaphor in the world,
but, I mean, Nick's eyes were pretty bright, and they were pointed
right at me. I was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable, to tell
the truth - what was happening? Why couldn't I look away?

Nick smiled a little half-smile, which, in the corner of my eye, set
half the room a-twittering, and which I felt myself return. What
followed was a see-sawing effect which I think neither of us could
control, that obeyed only some kind of physical law of nature. He
smiled bigger, I smiled slightly bigger. That pushed his smile a
little more, etc etc, until all his teeth were showing.

Well, the only place I could go from there was to laugh, and I
actually did for a second, until it hit me that Nick was singing.....
or was supposed to be, anyway. At that exact moment, something broke
the spell and I quickly looked down at my shoes, hoping Nick could go
on without interruption. He certainly sounded pretty darn good, so I
was taking that as a yes.

Song done, much applause, blah blah blah. Phil did a quick
back-announce and threw back to Jackie in the studio, and the girls
rushed forward to talk to the guys, shoving stuff at them to
autograph. Kevin sought me out at the back of the room and beckoned
me forward. I pushed myself off the wall into an upright position as
he held up his hands, asking for some quiet. Ugly Phil quietly
slipped out the door.

"OK, folks. Calm down. We've got plenty of time, you'll all get your
stuff signed. We just need you to calm down a little and listen to
Drew here, he's gonna direct traffic for us." All heads turned my way
and I waved nervously. "Drew's on tour with us right now, so if you
see him around, say hello. He's a real nice guy."

That at least took care of most of the `Who the fuck are you?' looks
I was getting. These girls obviously hadn't been listening to the
interview they'd just done. All right, time to bring these
teenyboppers to heel.

"OK, girls. Could......If you'd just form a line, I think that'll
make it easiest. So just form a line in front of me over here." I
could see a few disbelieving looks as my accent registered. I guess
they expected me to be an American, too. The looks I was getting now
said `You lucky bastard - you're nothing special, you're only one of
us! How'd you get here?' Still, I now controlled access to the Boys.
RESPECT MY AUTHORI-TAH! There was a bit of a rush as the line formed
and some pushing and shoving went on. This was great - I felt like a
school teacher! I couldn't believe they were listening to me!
Thank-you, Kevin.

"OK, what's your name?" I asked the girl in the front of the line.

"Kylie."

"OK. Guys, this is Kylie."

"Hey Kylie."  "How ya doin?"

Kylie walked, nervous at first, but then a little more confidently
across to Brian and dumped a whole pile of stuff in front of him. I
could see T-shirts, CDs, stickers....Brian laughed and set to work,
passing each item down the line as he signed it.

The system seemed to work pretty well. Each fan had a minute or two
with each Boy, and got their stuff signed. Around half an hour later,
Nick was signing the last copy of `Millennium', and the fans were
beginning to slowly move out, obviously loathe to leave.

"Are y'all coming to see us at our concerts?" Brian asked the
remaining girls. They all nodded, smiling. "Well, we'll see you
there, then!" he grinned. "Good night!" Now in a happier mood, the
girls took the hint, probably subconsciously, and left the room,
chattering excitedly. The noise could be heard moving down the
corridor, with the occasional squeal and subsequent laughter, and a
chorus of `Awwww' s.

"Aaaahhhhh," Brian moaned, flexing his left hand repeatedly. Throwing
his arm my way, he demanded imperiously: "Hand massage!"

I took his hand and obliged. I soon had him eating out of *my* hand,
squirming in delight over on his own chair. I just wished I had a
pair of scissors with me to take care of those damn nails!

A couple of minutes more and Brian's hand was as relaxed as it was
gonna get. Taking it back, Brian exclaimed: "How much are we paying
you again? Whatever it is, we need to make it more. Let's double it."

I laughed. "Thanks, but you're already being very generous. In fact,
if you were paying me any more, I'd begin to feel like I was a lawyer
or something. I mean, I don't do any work, either. There are a few
points of comparison, actually." I frowned.

Brian drew air in dramatically. "Well, we don't want that, do we?"

"No," I laughed, " we certainly don't."

Howie cleared his throat. "Drew, can I have a hand massage?"

I could see the others were about to ask the same thing, so I shook
my head.

"Nope, no more for today. Only if you've been extra-nice to me." I
smiled.

AJ frowned. "Then how the hell did B-Rok get one? He slit your throat
just a few hours ago!"

The reminder caused my hand to reflexively jump to my neck, checking
the wound......which was healing OK.

"Well....." I thought for a second. "I guess because he did ask
first. Also because now he'll know what he's missing out on if he's
mean to me like that ever again," I smiled evilly.

"Tease!" Brian threw at me.

"Yep, that I am!" I replied laughingly.

Howie muttered something under his breath, but I decided I could live
without knowing what it was, so I let it slide. We all looked up as
Phil came into the room.

"Hey, thanks for sticking around, guys."

Kevin assured him that it was no problem.

"Would you mind just doing a couple of station IDs for us? You're
free to go, of course, but it'd be really good of you if you would."

Unsurprisingly, the guys agreed, and we went back down to the studio
proper, where Jackie was sitting down with her headphones on, bopping
along to the new Popstars song. It sure was annoyingly catchy. I sat
down in the chair beside her.

"Hey," I smiled at her.

She slipped her headphones off, leaving them hanging around her neck.
"Oh, hi, Drew."

I could sense it right away, little as I wanted to.

"So what'd you think of the Boys?" I asked, rather haltingly.

"Well, they were great. Of course," Jackie added as an afterthought,
smiling half-heartedly.

What the hell had happened? Whatever rapport we had going before was
completely broken now. How had this happened? What had changed? I
could see Jackie sensed it too, and we both leaned back almost
imperceptibly in our chairs, moving away from each other. I began to
panic. I had to fix this, and fix it now. But.....god, I had no idea
what the hell to do!

I swallowed. "Um, I think the guys are just going to record a couple
of IDs for you, then we're going to head off."

Jackie smiled weakly. "OK, thanks."

I sat, stunned for a second, then turned around in the swivel-chair.
Jackie slipped her headphones back on and I slipped into despair. I
must have screwed something up. Damn it, how was I ever gonna have a
relationship with a woman I liked and found attractive if......shit
like that happened? God, I'd had the perfect start to an
almost-relationship, and had still found some way to screw it up. A
feeling of loneliness washed over me, and at the back of my mind I
could hear my grandma saying "Why haven't you found a nice girl and
settled down yet?" Now, granted, she was just a *little* senile - she
was confusing me at age 20 with my cousin Aaron who was ten years
older, and who, I imagined, was getting mighty fed up with being
asked how High School was going. Still, she had a point. Somewhere.

I guess on some level I knew it hadn't really been my fault. What had
happened, I mean. Between me and Jackie. I was just looking to beat
myself up. It probably wasn't her fault, either. It was just
something that had happened, for better or for worse (and right now
it definitely felt for worse) that was beyond our control. Which
left.......what - divine intervention? My mind scoffed at that.
Whatever kind of god I believed in, he/she wasn't the type to play a
crucial role in my love life. `No, you won't love *her*, you'll love
the person I tell you to!' Whatever. I guess it was just one of them
things. Fate. Or something.

I looked up when someone tapped me on the shoulder. AJ.

"We're all done now. You coming with us?" he grinned, smiling
anxiously at Jackie's back.

I tried to smile. "Yeah, I will be." I stood up. Nick had already
said goodbye to Phil and was walking out the door. Phil shook my
hand last.

"Nice to meet you, Drew. Hey, give us a call when the tour's over,
we might get you to do a report or an interview for us or something!"

I smiled genuinely. "That sounds great! I'll do that, Phil. Thanks."
I turned before I walked out the door and called "Bye, Jackie."
Whether she heard me through the headphones or not, I didn't get a
response.



It was a quiet ride back down in the lift. I was deep in thought,
Nick looked deep in thought, and if the other guys were talking at
all, then I guess I must have been deeper in thought than I thought,
cos I sure didn't hear them.

Out the front door, through the crowd of fans - one or two of whom
even said hello to ME as I passed, much to my surprise - and we
jumped back into the limo.

Nick sat quietly, staring off out the window, again. Something was
up, I could see plainly. I made a note to talk to him later. Just
cos my life was screwed up wasn't going to stop me from being there
for Nick in any way I could.

"Well, that was fun!" Howie bubbled.

"Mmm Hmm," I replied, my mind a hundred miles away.

"Are we going back to the hotel, or straight to the club?" AJ asked
as the driver pulled away from the curb.

"No-one wants to change, do they?" Kevin asked us. I looked at what I
was wearing and decided that if it was meant to impress Jackie O,
then it was more than good enough to impress anyone I might meet in
some night club. Everyone else seemed to agree, so Kevin turned to me
and said: "OK, Drew, what's a good club to go to?"

I must surely have turned white. "Ugh.......Um........let's.......
let's ask the driver to recommend one," I finally got out.

Kevin frowned a little, then nodded and moved forward, lowering the
window to talk to the driver.

"You don't go out much?" Brian asked me.

I shook my head. "Not a lot, no. And when I do, it's usually just to
a pub, not to a nightclub or anything. I really don't dance, I prefer
to just sit around and talk to friends."

Brian smiled an understanding smile. "I'm about the same. I really
don't enjoy them all that much, and I've already met the love of my
life, so really, what's the point?" he chuckled as Howie and AJ
groaned comically. "But then, it doesn't hurt to go once in a while.
I've never been to an Australian nightclub before, it might be fun!
Maybe we can go to a pub some other night and just talk. Know any
good pubs?"

I smiled. What a nice guy. Even with the fingernails. "Yeah, I know a
few."

"Great. But don't think for a second that you're not gonna dance
tonight," Howie grinned.

My stomach churned again. "Sorry, no way. Not happening."

Howie leaned forward and began pointing at me. "Oh, it's happening,
all right. You can't not dance! What else is there to do?" I
shrugged. That was pretty much entirely my point. "Look, I don't care
if I have to handcuff you to me, you are *going* to dance tonight.
Are we clear?"

"Crystal," I mumbled.

AJ shook his head. "D, I told you man, I don't think Drew goes in for
that kinky stuff."

I laughed a little at that, happy to be doing so in the midst of what
I was feeling. Right now any diversion was quite welcome.

We pretty shortly arrived at the nightclub - though to be honest, I
was in such a funk I really couldn't tell you its name. It was fairly
packed inside without there being a queue to get in or anything -
it was only a weeknight, after all. We all got in without any trouble,
since in modern democracies the legal age is 18, and were able to find
a table against a wall after a couple minutes waiting.

"Who's drinking?" Kevin asked.

"Me. Bourbon and Coke," I said bluntly. Kevin looked shocked - I'd
evidently forgotten my manners. "Sorry. Please," I added with a
similar lack of expression. He was still looking at me, but now I
could see it was only with concern.

The orders came from around the table, until it came to Nick.

"Tequila." Kevin's eyebrows shot up, but he bit his tongue, obviously
the result of some practice, and nodded. "Umm.....can you see if you
can find a couple of lemons as well?"

Howie beamed. I could see he was fighting within himself whether or
not to....

"Uh, Nicky, I don't think we're in *that* kind of bar, here."

I laughed, another welcome relief from the pit of depression I was
currently wallowing in. "God, this is Sydney. If we were in *that*
kind of bar, trust me, you'd know about it. I think the table would
already be surrounded by guys offering to buy you all drinks."

Howie laughed back. "Well, you know, I have been saving up to do
some renovations back home......"

Kevin shot Howie a look and it didn't miss its mark. Howie shut up
and stared down at the ashtray where he tried vainly to stop smiling.

Kevin sighed deeply. "Alright. I'll be back in a few."

AJ jumped to his feet. "Who's dancing?"

Brian nodded and stood, swivelling his hips comically.

Howie stood as well. "So am I, and that means Drew is, too." Brian
made a joke about Howie being a bossy bitch.

"I'm not moving a muscle till I have a drink," I warned, "so just sit
tight."

He sat back down, telling Brian and AJ not to wait. They moved off to
the dance floor and I soon lost them in the crowd. We sat in silence
until Kevin returned, much too soon, with our drinks. I took mine and
took a sip. Nick wasn't happy with his.

"I meant a *bottle*, not a shot, Kevin," he grumbled. "Don't worry,
I'll get it myself." He was out of earshot before Kevin could reply.

"What's up with Nick?" he asked.

"No idea," Howie replied. I shrugged.

"Whatever it is, can we all make sure to keep an eye out for him
tonight? If he's going to drink, we need to be really careful.
And we do have a concert tomorrow, remember," Kevin reminded us.
"Now, where are those other two clowns?"

Howie pointed in the direction of the dance floor. Kevin nodded and
moved off that way himself.

"Would you hurry up?" Howie demanded.

"Just a minute," I insisted, taking a decent-sized mouthful. After a
short while, I decided I might as well get it over with, and drained
my glass in a gulp.

"That's more like it!" Howie smiled. "Let's go!"

I tried one last, feeble line of defence.

"Do I have to?"

Howie held firm. "Yes, you *do*. Come on, Drew, you need it. I can
see you're not your normal cheerful self. Trust me, you'll have fun.
Do you trust me?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Yeah. I mean, I've no reason not to, do I?"
I got to my feet just as Nick got back with his bottle of tequila.
He sat down immediately and drank the shot Kevin had bought. "You
gonna come dance, Nick?"

Nick shook his head. "No, you guys go. I might later." Somehow I
doubted that very much.

I sighed dramatically. "OK. Clear a path, people. Dead man walking
here."



To Howie's credit, I did sort of enjoy myself. It was impossibly
loud, of course, so I didn't have to do any talking, and it was also
*really* dark. After a minute of standing around rather awkwardly, I
realised something strangely liberating. *No-one* was looking at me.
Sure, it was also a bit of a blow to the ego, but I chose to look on
the bright side. I let go and just allowed the music to overwhelm
me. Cliche, sure, but how are you gonna describe it? Huh? Punk.

Someone bumped into me. Howie. The intermittent flashes of light
showed him smiling, and if my lip-reading skills are any good, I
think he said `I told you so!'. I laughed silently and we separated
again.

Some time later - I guess it could have been as much as half an hour
- a tap on the shoulder turned out to be Kevin. We were on the edge
of the melee, so I could actually hear him when he shouted into my
ear:

"You look like you're enjoying yourself!"

I nodded and was about to scream my reply when something behind Kevin
caught my eye.

Nick was sitting on his own at our table, staring into a glass and
resting his head on his hand. He looked pretty upset - which may have
been due to the alcohol - and he stood out like nothing else, a tall
blond guy sitting by himself in the middle of a noisy, crowded bar.
My expression changed entirely, and I couldn't help but reach out to
help him.

Kevin sensed my disturbance and spun around. His face fell as he saw
Nick. I could see it wasn't in anger or disappointment, only concern
for Nick and, I guess, shame that he wasn't there to help him. Kevin
turned back to me and yelled:

"I'm going to go talk to Nicky...."

But I cut him off with a shake of my head. "No, Kev, I will. I want
to. I feel awful seeing him like that, too. Plus it'll get my off my
feet for a while," I joked.

Kevin queried me with his eyebrows. "You sure?"

"Yep," I replied, patting him on the shoulder as I walked by him,
glad to be heading for quieter climes.

I approached our table from behind Nick and tapped him on the right
shoulder as I quickly sat down in the seat at his left. My cunning
and highly original ploy did the trick; when he turned back around
after establishing that there was no-one behind him, he was suitably
surprised.

"Christ, Drew, you scared the crap out of me," he muttered, slurring
slightly. I glanced down at the bottle he held in his right hand. It
was getting close to halfway down. Oh, dear.

As Nick went to pour himself another shot, I grabbed hold of the
bottle. Nick looked over at me angrily.

"Nick, maybe you should go a little easy for a while."

"Why?" Nick demanded, the alcohol making him at once angrier and more
defensive.

"Well, you are about halfway through the bottle, mate." Nick glared
back without speaking. "And I was hoping you'd save some for me," I
tried hopefully.

After a second's processing delay, his glare melted into a huge grin.
At the same time, his iron grip on the bottle loosened, allowing me
to take it and pour myself a shot, setting the bottle down away from
Nick.

"Of course. Anything for you, Drew, sweetie pie," Nick slurred. I
congratulated myself on getting the bottle away from him.

"Awww, thanks, baby doll," I replied, which set us both laughing,
Nick even more than I thought could be reasonably explained away by
the alcohol. I took a deep breath then drank the tequila. Taking
another deep breath and shaking my head briskly, I turned again to
Nick.

"Nick, man, are.......are you OK? You just seem......I don't know....
a little depressed or something."

My tone apparently flicked some switch inside Nick's head, and he
stopped laughing and looked at me seriously. I could see in his eyes,
suddenly so mournful, that there was something wrong, but he needed
to say that there was if I was going to be able to help him at all.

Nick nodded silently in response. When it was clear he wasn't going
to say anything more, I asked -

"Do you want to talk about it?" Nick shook his head slowly.

I sighed and placed my hand over Nick's, sitting on the table,
trying to give comfort. "Nick, I really want to help you. I hate
seeing you so sad. Ever since we met you've been nothing but good to
me, you've always been supportive and a great friend......maybe the
best friend that I have. Now, I'm not going to push you, but I want
to be able to do the same for you, Nick. Are you sure you don't want
to talk to me about it?"

I looked up at his face and saw his eyes, cast down at my hand
covering his. I immediately felt guilty for making him more
uncomfortable, and apologised as I moved my hand.

"Sorry."

Nick cleared his throat. "Don't be," he whispered, so softly I
mightn't have known he'd spoken except that I saw his lips move.

I stared back at Nick, wondering what he'd meant. After a moment he
raised his eyes to meet mine, and I tried to get inside his head.
The attempt failed after a second or two as Nick broke the eye
contact and laughed drunkenly. I smiled and let out the breath that
had somehow caught in my throat.

"Nick," I repeated, getting his attention again, "mate, do you want
to talk about it?"

"No, thanks, Drew. I really appreciate your offer, but......I don't
know. My life's just so screwed up right now, ya know? I thought I
knew what the hell I was doing, thought I had some control over
parts of my life, and was OK with not being able to control the rest,
but.....I don't know. It's all so confusing now. Everything I thought
I knew for sure, I just don't know anymore. My mind is one fucked-up
place right now, and I really need to sort it out a lot before I can
talk to anyone about it." I nodded my understanding. Actually I was
pretty impressed he'd strung that sentence together. "Drew, it really
means a lot to me to have you here. I mean, I know I'm not being a
very good friend to you right now....."

"Oh, Nick, that's rubbish! I can completely understand that you don't
want to talk. It doesn't make you less of a friend at all." I paused.
"You know that you've got four of the best friends in the whole world
as well, right? All of us are here for you, Nick, we all love you."

Nick took a moment to react then smiled. "Thanks," he said, gently
squeezing my own hand on the table for a second before taking his
hand back. "Now, get drinking!"

"Huh?" I grunted.

"Get drinking! You've got a lot of catching up to do!"

I smiled and poured myself another shot. I went to set the bottle
back down, but Nick took it, saying -

"Here, give me that! I'm not *that* drunk!"

I would probably have disagreed with that, but we'd already touched
glasses (rather heavily on Nick's part) and the shot was gone before
I could say anything, so I downed my own shot and moved on. I
reasoned that, at the rate Nick was spilling tequila onto the table,
we wouldn't have a problem much longer. I wondered whether it would
be appropriate for me to unload my own troubles right now. Maybe not,
because of Nick's emotional state, but......maybe hearing how dumb I
was would make him feel a little better in comparison.

"Well, Nick, you're not the only one who's all fucked up," I finally
came out with.

"Huh?" he asked cluelessly.

"That embarrassment at the radio station. I just don't understand
what I did wrong."

"Umm, Drew, what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about Jackie." Nick's face remained impassive. Stoic,
even. I sighed. "How I screwed up whatever we had going."

Nick looked genuinely shocked. "What? What happened? You guys were
getting on great!"

I nodded. "Yeah, that was before you guys sang. It was perfect! We
just clicked, you know? It was so exciting to just connect with
someone like *that*. It's never happened to me before, you know, an
instant and undeniable connection. You know what I mean?"

Nick was staring off into space over my shoulder, but he nodded
slowly.

"I thought I might finally have found someone. How great would that
be? God, I want that so much. I feel so lonely sometimes. I'm so sick
of.......going to the movies by myself." I paused for a pensive
second. "But no, I had to go and screw it all up!"

"How did you do that?" Nick asked *the* question.

Yessir, that *was* the question. Cos I hadn't really done anything,
had I? Much as I might like to cop the blame on this one, for
whatever masochistic purposes I had in mind, it was pretty clear
that whatever it was had been beyond my control. I guess that didn't
sit well with me. I'd rather have been able to put it down to my own
stupidity or incompetence than have to leave it unexplained like
this.

"I don't know," I admitted.

"What happened, then?" he asked.

"I......it was when we came back down to the studio after you guys
had signed all that stuff for the fans. I....I went over to talk to
her, and it was like all of a sudden there was this invisible brick
wall between us. Nothing I could think of, nothing I could say would
help. She could feel it too, so she just gave up trying."

"You know," Nick replied, "it sounds like it wasn't your fault at
all."

God, he knew! He knew, he knew, he knew! How the hell did he know? He
wasn't even *there*! What, was he reading my mind or something?

I nodded and said softly, "Yeah. You're probably right. Doesn't make
it any easier to deal with, though."

Nick cleared his throat. A few times. "Drew, you really can't keep
beating yourself up over this. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. And
that's OK, cos I know there's gonna be someone else out there for you.
And when you find that person, you'll know it. There won't be any of
this confusion bullshit. You'll just *know*. And you'll know what you
have to do."

I smiled and pulled him into a hug. "Thanks, man." Nick rubbed my
back comfortingly. Hang on.

"I thought I was meant to be here comforting you!" I smiled. Nick
just giggled and shrugged his shoulders. I sighed. "Well, does
hearing my pathetic little tale cheer you up any?"

Nick thought for a second. "Actually, it does."

I pretended to be hurt. "Well, great. At least I didn't go through
that pain and humiliation, then relive it all again right here, for
no reason."

"Drew, I'm sorry, really...."

"Gotcha," I said with an amused smile.

"You're an asshole," Nick recovered quickly. "Now pour yourself a
drink, and let's get trashed together!"

I'm not particularly proud of what I did next. I mean, it was done
with the best of intentions in mind. Nick had to do a show tomorrow,
and he was probably already going to be suffering a major hangover.
On the other hand, all I had to do tomorrow was sit around and keep
the guys company, then go watch their performance. They needed the
energy, not me.

Still, I'm not entirely proud of what happened. I took the bottle in
my hand and took a look at it. Still about one-third full, or
thereabouts. If Nick drunk anymore of that, he'd be an absolute wreck
tomorrow. In the finest traditions of self-sacrifice, and pretending
to be drunker than I was, I stumbled out:

"You know, it'd be sooooo much more efffficient if we got rid of the
glasses here. Say, if we...." I raised the mouth of the bottle to my
lips and commenced to pour.

Like I said, really not something to be proud of.

And boy, was I gonna pay for it tomorrow.

So yeah, I sculled the rest of the bottle (ughhhh), which,
understandably, drew a bit of a crowd, clapping and cheering me on.
It wasn't pretty. I'm bad enough at sculling water, and the fact that
it was a damn strong spirit passing through my mouth didn't help any.
My mouth was burning after the first gulp, but I had to see this
through.

I finally slammed the empty bottle down onto the table, to a rousing
cheer and round of applause from the crowd, and a shocked but amused
grin from Nick. I immediately began to feel awful. A couple of guys
patted me on the back blokily as the crowd broke up.

"That's a great idea!" Nick exclaimed. "I'll go get us another
bottle!"

My stomach lurched as Nick stood abruptly, knocking his chair over
behind him.

"No, I don't think so," I heard a deep voice say. "I think we're all
gonna head back now."

I looked up and saw the other four Boys looking down at me, concern
on all their faces. Thank god. Talk about my knights in fashionable
streetwear. I smiled to let them know I was OK, which was of course
a blatant lie.

"Let's go, Drew," Kevin said, helping me to my feet.

I leaned in and whispered into his ear, "I'm really sorry, Kev. I
couldn't think of anything else. If......I didn't drink that, Nick
would have. And he......he needs to be on the ball tomorrow. I'm
really sorry I did that, though. I wish I hadn't drawn all that
attention to us."

Kevin grimaced. "You'll be sorry, all right. In the morning. You
shouldn't have done that, Drew. I don't care who saw it and who
didn't; that kinda crap makes people really sick." He paused.
"Having said that, though, thankyou. I'll make sure Nick knows what
you just did for him, and I can tell you the rest of us are already
grateful."

My stomach tumbled again. "Kevin, please don't tell him. And, um, can
we go now, please? I'm beginning to feel a little....." I said,
pointing at my stomach.

"Sure," he replied. "You OK walking?"

"Yes!" I insisted. "I'm not feeling drunk......yet. You might have to
give Nick a hand, though."



We made our way out of the club, back into the now cool night air.
That served to freshen me up a little, but not much more than that.
We waited for just a couple of minutes for the limo to come, during
which time Kevin, Howie, AJ and Brian all asked if I was OK about 14
times each. I felt like writing the answer down on a card. Once the
car arrived we got in, the guys letting Nick and I in first,
gingerly, before piling in behind us. The 10 minutes or so we spent
in the car were pretty silent ones. I was just sitting there feeling
sorry for myself, trying to meditate myself onto another plane where
I wasn't feeling quite so appallingly bad, but to no avail. I quickly
realised I wasn't going to vomit, at least, as my stomach got
progressively better, even as my head became progressively lighter.

Back at the hotel, and now I *did* need some assistance walking. This
I realised after taking a few shaky steps and suddenly finding Brian
under one shoulder. He was such a nice guy...... I leaned in and
kissed his hair above his ear. Brian just laughed.

"No problem, Drew."

We limped through the deserted lobby and a lift opened for us
immediately we called one. Brian dragged me to the back, next came
Kevin who was holding Nick up, then Howie and AJ squeezed into the
front corners. Howie pushed the button for our floor.

"Hi, Drew!" Nick waved at me in the reflection off the side wall of
the elevator. Since three of the walls were mirrors, I could see
quite a few Nicks waving at me, which I found unusually funny.

"Hey, Nicky!" I laughed back, waving wildly. "How are ya doing?"

"I'm good thanks, Drew!" he nearly yelled back, which made me laugh
harder. "How are you doin'?"

"I'm pretty fucked up, actually!" I laughed back. We both laughed
then, probably laughing at each other's laughter. After a moment, the
lift came to a halt and the doors opened with a loud `ding'. I
laughed.

"Ding!" I echoed.

"Ding!" Nick repeated.

We broke out laughing. "Ding!" "Ding!"

I could see in the corner of my eye that Brian was struggling not to
laugh, since he obviously didn't want to encourage us. We were way
past needing encouragement, though. It was lucky we had the floor to
ourselves or all the other guests would have heard a series of

"Ding!"

s going down the corridor, followed by gales of raucous laughter.

"Ding!"

We finally made it down to our rooms, which were opposite each other.
I turned to Brian. "Thanks, Bri, I can take it from here." The
alcohol had made me unusually expressive all of a sudden, so I leaned
in and kissed his hair again, sloppily.

"Ewwww, Drew!" Brian cried, first wiping my saliva off his hair then
back onto my shirt sleeve with a laugh. "See you in the morning,
Drew." I fumbled with my key for a second until Brian came back,
took it out of my hand, and opened the door. He just smiled
wordlessly, staying carefully out of kissing range, while I mumbled
my thanks.

Nick chuckled. "Well, good night, sweetie pie."

I laughed back. "You too, baby-doll." Feeling unusually expressive
again, I decided to kiss him on both cheeks, in the European style. I
don't know exactly what went wrong, but somehow the second kiss
landed on something much softer, moister, and more responsive than
his cheek. My addled brain eventually made the connection - Oh my
god, those were his lips! How the hell did those get there?

I pulled back instantly, mortified and amused at once. "Shit, I'm
sorry, Nicky," I laughed. "I didn't mean to.....do......that." A
serious look on Nick's face prompted me to make good my escape.
"Well, that's it for me today, guys. See you in the a.m." I heard
Kevin say something which I didn't really understand as I pushed the
door shut behind me a little stronger than I realistically needed to.

Realising that there was no chance of me surviving a shower just now,
Imoved over to my bed, kicking off my shoes randomly, and began to
unbutton my shirt. When this proved too taxing, I pulled it off over
my head awkwardly and threw it away. I lay down on the bed without
pulling back any of the covers, and the only thought that crossed my
mind between then and sleep was that maybe I should get up and turn
out the l.......



Meanwhile, back in the corridor.......


Kevin took Nick's key and opened up his door as Brian had mine.
Pushing it open, he supported Nick into the room, walking him over
and sitting him down on the bed.

"You gonna be alright now, Nick?" he asked gently.

"Yeah, thanks," Nick's voice rasped.

Kevin grimaced. "OK, but you let me know if you need me. You know my
room number, right?" Nick's nod was enough for Kevin, who said
goodnight and left the room. He walked quickly down to his own room,
where he decided to take a quick shower before going to bed.

Adjusting the shower temperature to his liking, he stripped off his
clothing piece by piece, letting it fall into a pile around his feet,
before stepping into the shower.

`Well,' he mused, `that was an interesting day. Relaxing morning -
check. Sound check went smoothly - check. Good radio interview -
check. Then what the hell happened at that night club?' He paused
for a minute, putting his head under the shower, letting the warm
water run through his dark hair and down across his shoulders,
meandering its way slowly to the drain. `I sure wish I knew what was
going on with Nick. I don't understand what made him drink like
that......he's never done that before.' Kevin stopped again to make
the water a little warmer. `But thank God Drew was there. Man.....I
still can't believe what he did. What a guy. Note to self: Must see
about his Christmas bonus.' Kevin chuckled at his own joke.

Turning the water off, Kevin shivered for a moment as the cool air
moved around his warm skin. Stepping out of the shower, he grabbed
a towel from the shelf next to the shower, and began to towel off
his chest and stomach thoroughly, then his arms, before throwing the
towel across his shoulder and drawing it to and fro across his back,
soaking up each stray drop of water. Next he ran the towel through
lightly through his hair, leaving it still slightly damp. Then,
drying each thigh in one stroke, Kevin bent over to complete the job,
getting to his calves and finally his toes. Wrapping the towel around
his waist and securing it tightly, Kevin walked back into the
bedroom.

The more he thought about it, the more Kevin saw, or imagined he saw,
a link between Nick's state and Drew. `They sure do seem to share
something, at least. Don't understand it; don't even pretend to, but
there certainly is something there.' Kevin turned up the controls on
the room's air conditioning a few notches. `Makes sleeping naked that
bit more comfortable.' Turning around Kevin turned down the covers of
his bed, then called reception to make sure of his wake-up call. `And
that's everything....except for the teeth. Gotta look after those
pearly whites.' Returning to the bathroom, Kevin brushed his teeth
carefully, at the same time turning over in his mind what he knew of
Drew - the pile he'd heard from Nick over the past three months, and
the strong, positive impression of him he'd formed for himself over
the past days. Finishing up, he rinsed his mouth out and replaced his
toothbrush on the little glass shelf above the sink. Finally he
untied the towel from around his waist and hung it over the rail to
dry.

Striding back into the bedroom, he switched out the overhead lights
in the room and then slipped into his bed, stretching his limbs and
moving around lithely, luxuriating in the feel of the soft sheets
against his bare skin. When he was done, Kevin rolled across the
expanse of empty bed to switch off the lamp.

Doing so was like throwing a switch in his head. If the room around
him was suddenly pitch black, then Kevin's mind was brightly
illuminated just as suddenly. `Oh, my......' he thought. `Well, it
does explain quite a bit.....all those phone calls,' Kevin nodded,
agreeing with his brain, `and his mood swings.....hell, the whole
picture.' Kevin re-evaluated everything he knew about Drew and Nick
in the light of what had just somehow leapt into his mind.
Dumbfounded, he made a mental tally of all the incidents he could
recall, and......suddenly it all made sense! No, wait, it actually
made no sense at all, but......at least it explained a hell of a
lot of what had been going on. As the explicit words popped into
Kevin's mind he suddenly sat bolt upright, naked in his bed in the
middle of the dark hotel room.

"Oh, my Lord," he said out loud, taking a deep breath and letting it
out again. "Nick is in love with Drew!"

*************

Well, there it is. I'm sorry for dragging you through the mental
image of Kevin taking a shower, I realise it was a difficult
ordeal. :) Lucky water molecules, I say. :) I promise never to do
it again. It was just nice to have that freedom, since I was already
in the third person. And nice to throw a bit of a tease in there for
you, too.

Look out for another little something I might soon be posting,
tentatively titled 'The Love of a Stranger'. If you like SKoB, then
you might like the newie; if you don't like this story, then you
really should check out my new story, cos it will be considerably
different. Anywho, that's probably a few days away at least, but do
keep your eyes open. :)

Write to me if you like, I'd really appreciate it. I can guarantee a
(reasonably rapid) reply, and it's always good to hear people's
opinions on what I do. If you're as lazy as I am, here's the address
so you don't have to scroll back up to the top of the page: It's
braan90@hotmail.com

Hope you liked the good long installment, and that it made up for
my.....extended absence. :)

That's all for now. Until next we meet. :)