Date: Sat, 26 Feb 2000 14:28:48 -0800 (PST)
From: Dennis Urban <denn0113@yahoo.com>
Subject: Sounds of Silence: Chapters 1-4

Legal Disclaimer and Authors Note: First off, this is fiction, nothing is
meant or implied about the sexuality, persuasions, etc. of any or all of
the members of Boyzone. This is I repeat an entirely fictional work. Hey we
can all dream. If any of the members of Boyzone, should happen to read
this, Hey I am not trying to be insulting or anything at all. If you have
comments, ideas suggestions etc. write to me. Hey you never know. The same
goes for all of you loyal and caring readers feel free to write me at
Denn0113@yahoo.com

First off I would like to state if your unable to handle male/male
sexuality, romance, etc. don't read on. If your underage or it's not legal
for you to read this where you are don't read on.  If the subject of abuse
in any form is not something you can handle I advise you not to read
on. Please note that I am not being funny here.

Now for the note part: Abuse is a very sad and serious topic of
discussion. I am dealing with it here in a very simple and straightforward
manner. This is a topic that has a lot of meaning for me. I myself am a
survivor of abuse. I will not go into the details. I am not writing this
for pity or sympathy. I am trying to explain part of how my perspective
comes into play. I dealt with being abused for over 15 years. I was abused
as a child up to and through my teens. As a child I faced all forms of
abuse including sexual abuse. First off rape and sexual abuse are not about
sex. They are about power and control. The abuser/rapist gets off on the
fact that they are in control and able to hold power over you. I have a
area of discussion about this particular topic on my website. If you are
going to write me and take an attitude about how I tackle this topic, guess
what I am going to respond in kind. If you can't be civil than don't bother
to write me. If you go beyond rude and are insulting and/or flaming in your
comments I will be sending a copy of the e-mail to both your e-mail/isp
provider along with a complaint to them as well as doing the same to the
e-mail provider I use. I won't respond at all except to tell you that you
have been reported for harassment. This is a precautionary warning and
statement. I haven't as of yet had someone do so, but fore-warned is fair
to you and me both. That said, read on if your legally able to do so and
enjoy.

The Sounds of Silence

`Hello Darkness my old friend, I've come to talk with you again, Because a
vision softly creeping, left it's seeds while I was sleeping. but the
vision that was planted in my brain still remains within the sounds of
silence' from "The Sounds of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkel


Prologue

Early December in a small rowhome in south philly. "What the hell do you
mean your leaving me?" a voice roared out. "Exactly that Ed," a gentle
woman's voice responded. "I can't take it anymore. I can't take the
constant abuse, and I don't want to expose Johny to it. For all I know you
will probably start beating him up next."

"Come on Laura, you know I never mean to hit you. It's just the alcohol. I
can't help it. I always make it up to you." he responded. "Look, I promise
you I will get help if you'll just stay with me."

Shaking her head, as she finished packing, she responded. "No Ed. I am
leaving you have said that before and never followed through on it. I'm
sorry, but I don't want to end up dead one of these times." with that said
she snapped the suitcase closed and quickly left. As she hurried out to the
waiting car of a friend that she miraculously still had she worried about
what was going to happen once Ed got drunk as he surely would....


Chapter One

As Danny, was preparing to head home from the center, he heard his boss
call out for him. "Yo Danny, can you spare me a few?" he asked in a tone
that was more command than request.

`Great' he thought to himself, `what the hell is it now.' "All right," he
yelled back from across the youth center.

As he slowly walked across he tried to guess what it was about now. Ryan's
expression was not very readable, which was either a very good thing or a
very bad thing. "Come in Danny, and sit down." he said when I got there. "I
have something that I need to talk to you about." he finished ominously, as
he closed the door.

"All right, what's up?" he asked Ryan after he sat down in the chair and
prepared himself for the worst.

"Well, your one of the best mentor's/BigBrother's we have." Ryan began, "So
I have to tell you this and it's not the best of news. I know that you just
got back from pulling yourself together after what happened the last
time. I have a kid, that no one else is really willing or up for taking
on." he finished.

"All right," Danny responded. "Go on, I am listening."

"He's not a bad kid, but he's had a lot of problems. He was in a situation
where he had to see his mother beaten physically a fair bit. He's also got
some health problems."

"Oh jeez," Danny replied. "How bad of a shape is he in? and What exactly is
his medical problems?"

"He's not in good shape emotionally, mentally he's very withdrawn and
solitary. As far as his health. It's pretty bad. We are going to be working
with CMN, on this one." he finished with a sadness in his voice that was
serious.

"How bad is it? I am assuming since Children's Miracle Network is involved
it's a terminal condition?" Danny asked seriously, hiding his feelings
underneath a mask of calm and quiet.

"It's end stage cancer. Even if he had been caught early on, which he
wasn't. It wouldn't have made a difference. It's one of the rarer forms
that attack the blood and lymph systems." Ryan said, with a softness in his
voice. "I hate to ask it of you Danny, but could you handle taking him on?"

"Sure," Danny responded. "I can do it. I know about the abuse part, even if
it's just seeing it, it's hard enough and for the rest of it...." he broke
off with a sad sigh.

"All right then, if your sure Danny, I will give his mother a call and set
it up for a meeting tomorrow then." Ryan said.


Chapter Two

The next day (a Tuesday), around four in the after noon, found Danny
walking up to the front door to meet Ms. Roka and James. Knocking at the
door he took a quick breath.

"Who is it?" a soft voice asked as an eye peered out the peephole. "Hi Miss
Roka, I am Danny Broderik, from the Big Brothers Association. I am supposed
to meet up with you and James so that we can see if everything is good to
go?" Danny responded . "Just one second" she responded. Opening the door,
she invited me in.

I suppose I should tell you a little about me and who I look like
quick. All right. I am 6'1, about 170 pounds, in fair, but not perfect
shape. I work out a bit. I have reddish hair and brown eyes. I am 24, and I
am also gay. I am not out of the closet as that would cause a lot of
problems with the volunteer work I do for the Big Brothers of
Philadelphia. I am a work at home professional, and a fairly skilled
novelist which takes up most of my spare time.

As I walked in I was impressed by the warm and loving ambiance that she had
managed to create in this small apartment.

 I was also startled to see how beautiful she was and the grace with which
she moved. She could easily have been a dancer or a ballerina I
suspected. She stood about 5'6, and was as thin as most models. But there
was an aura of fear and caution about her as well. As she led me into the
living room, I was in for my second suprise. Sitting there was a teen of
maybe 14 or 15. He was a living dream, but I could see a haunted look in
his eyes. I thought silently to myself, `Oh Goddess, please grant me the
grace, skill and ability to help this poor child.'

I continued to watch his body-language, as his mother introduced us,
snapping back to myself as she said, James, this is Mr. Broderik. As James
stood up I stuck out my hand and told him to "Feel free to call me Danny if
you prefer."

"Hi it's nice to meet you Danny," he responded a little hesitantly. "and
just call me Jimmy, Only my mom calls me James, and that usually when I am
in trouble" he said with a grin.

I was happy to see that he was warming up to me a little. `Here's hoping' I
thought to myself. I sat down as Ms. Roka, was encouraging me to do. For
the next hour or so, we talked about all manner of things and I got a good
feel for both of them.  As I started to stretch my legs prior to getting
up, I said "Well I have had a wonderful time talking to both of you. I was
glad to get to meet you both. If your Mom's agreeable Jimmy, we can set up
a time for us to meet up and I can leave you both my number if you ever
need to talk to me." I said, with a gentle smile.

"Mr. Broderik," she began. "Please call me Danny" I interrupted her gently.

"Very well, Danny," she said, a little hesitant on the last part. "I think
that this will work out great. I can tell that Jimmy has really taken to
you and I have as well." she ended.

"Great then, if you like I will leave both my home number as well as my
cell phone number. If either of you needs, me at all, or for any reason
just call me. I don't have all that much going on in my life at the moment
and I work at home so I am usually easy to track down." I finished with a
smile.

"Really?" Laura asked me curiously. "What exactly do you do?"

Blushing a little I replied "I am actually a writer, I don't write under my
own name, but under a nom-de-plure" I answered. "It's a good business once
you get a few novels sold, but getting there is the challenge."

"Really? what pen name do you use?" she asked very curious as to why I was
blushing. "I actually use several, the most common one I use is
`R. J. Roquelarre'" I said blushing more than before, for under that name I
had penned many a romance novel.

"OH My Goodness," she exclaimed. "I have read several of your books. They
are all so very realistic and special"

"Thanks," I responded. "But if you will pardon me, I have to run. I have
been out a little longer than I had planned on originally. If I don't get
back home soon, I may not have much to return to." I said with a chuckle
and a wink. "I have two very loving and beautiful dalmations." I explained.

"Go, go then" Laura said, as I finished getting up. " I would love to have
you stay, but I expect that the pups of yours are anxious to see you. Maybe
sometime you could introduce Jimmy to them."

"Of course" I said. "Perhaps later next week if things go well, I can have
you two over to meet my babies, and also to have dinner." I finished. "It's
been a while, but I do love to have folks over to visit. My cooking is one
of my best kept secrets.'


Chapter Three


Later that evening, roughly around eight PM.

I was sitting down at the desk, pondering how was I going to arrange for
our heroine to be rescued. I heard the phone ring. Getting up I walked over
to answer it. "Hello" I said.


"Hello Love" a soft and silky voice responded. "It's been a long time now
hasn't it since we last got the chance to talk?"

"What do YOU want?" I responded in a icy voice. "As if I couldn't guess at
what it most likely is this time around again."

"Why sweet Danny boy, you wound me. I just wanted to see how you were
doing. After all, like I said it's been a long time" Trevor went on.

"Get to the point Trevor." I responded angrily now. "I am not in the mood
for the bs and games. IF there's no point then just go and pester someone
else, I have work to do and I am not in the mood to play games."

"Well love, that's exactly what I am calling you about..."


Chapter Four

That evening at the Roka apartment (this section is told from the
perspective of Jimmy's mom

As Jimmy was sitting at the kitchen table finishing off the last of his
homework, his mom was bustling about the kitchen cleaning. You could tell
that her mind was elsewhere from the distracted look upon her face.

"Jimmy," she began "I need to talk to you for a little bit about a few
things. I have noticed that your a little out of it the last few days."

"Mom, it's nothing, really I am just a little worn out. A lot of homework
and just some side effects from the treatment." Jimmy finished on a odd
note, with a sigh.

"Oh Jimmy" she responded pulling him to her. "I don't know what you ever
did to deserve this, I pray to god every day and night for him to take this
away. You have suffered enough in this life already."

"Mom" he responded softly, "I am fine, it's just a small thing. I am fine
really."

"I just wish I could do something to change all this and make things
different. Well it's getting late and you need to head to bed young man, so
clean yourself up, brush your teeth and say your prayers." she
finished. The unshed tears glimmering in her eyes.


Chapter Five

late at night, roughly 11:30 p.m.  (Told from Jimmy's perspective)

Additional note, if you can't handle reading about abuse skip over this
section and read on from the next chapter.

As Jimmy lay in bed sleeping the same nightmare that had been haunting him
of late, repeated itself over and over again.

Dream begins

It was a very quiet night, and all the lights were turned off but you could
see because of the moonlight. He had heard his parents fighting earlier
that night and had buried his head under the pillow. His only thought being
why did it have to happen over and over again. Now several hours later he
was awakened by an odd creaking of the floor. What could it be he thought
to himself and buried himself deep in the covers as it was a cold winter
night. He heard his bedroom door softly creak open and listened as someone
stood there softly breathing just staring at him.

Slowly but steadily the figure made it's way over to his bed. Sitting down
beside him the figure spoke in a whisper. "Jim, Jimmy-boy are you awake?"
Laying there he could smell the alcohol on the breath of his dad and he
pretended to be asleep and prayed that he would go away. "Come on son, wake
up. I need to talk to you for a little bit." his father went on.  "Dad?" he
responded hesitantly as if he had just woken up. "What's up, it's late
isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is Jimmy, but I need to talk to you for a little bit first. Think
you can pay attention?" his father asked him. "I guess so, he said trying
to focus on what was going on.

"Your mom and I, well we sorta had a fight, so I need to sleep with you for
the night. It's just a temporary thing, all right?" Dad asked.

"Sure I guess so, but won't it be a little tight in here?" I asked unsure
of what was going on, but having a bad feeling.

"Not at all Jimmy, plenty of room for the two of us." his Dad replied with
a wink. Leaning down he gave me a kiss on the top of my head. Slowly he
took off his shirt and then his T-shirt. His shoes, socks and pants soon
followed suit as well. As he slipped into the bed my feelings of something
being wrong grew more and more. Still he was my dad, so I had to be
mistaken right?

As he slowly positioned himself, he pulled me close to him, and leaned in
to give me another, I thought, fatherly kiss. But there was nothing
fatherly about it as he kissed me on the mouth and groped up my young body.

As the kiss went on, his touching grew bolder and I began to feel ill....

Dream ends

Screaming, I woke up from the nightmare and stopped myself as soon as I
realized that I would wake my mom up if she heard me. Slowly I caught my
breath and calmed down. 'It was over now, it was just a bad dream.' he
thought to himself. 'Why the hell can't I just not have these dreams? Why
am I being tortured like this?'


Authors Note

That's all she wrote folks, for now. I do apologize for some of the more
detailed content here. It's not likely to go away. But the next part will
introduce our Boy-Band, and we shall explore more of Danny's past, Who
Trevor is, and what the future holds for the whole story line. Be patient
as this is going somewhere but it will not be there in a blink of an eye. I
will not be having any sex scenes for a while. I know boo hoo. Get over it
folks if all you want is sex look elsewhere. Life is about more than just
plain sex and such. Life is a beautiful and at times harsh thing. If you
like what you have read so far, keep an eye out for the next
installment. They should be out about every one to two weeks, if things go
smoothly if not, well they will be out as they come out. Live with it. No
one, least of all me or you is perfect. IF you think you are, well get over
yourself.

I have in the meantime moved my website from www.geocities.com/denn0113 to
a new address, for several reasons. Suffice it to say that you can still go
there and there's a link to the new site or you can go to my new site
directly at http://members.xoom.com/slashfic


A little about the storyline and abuse.

Now I would like to tell you this folks, I am not going to go into the
graphic details of the abuse, the memories and/or dreams of it. I set out
to write this story and it took on a life of it's own. I will not apologize
for bringing up subjects that folks are not very comfortable with. I do
apologize if you find this offensive. I have a reason for writing this
story. This is based off of personal first hand knowledge. I am a survivor
of abuse. I am not telling you this to ask for sympathy, pity or anything
else. This is a fact and it's part of who and what I am. I survived it,
many, all too many kids don't survive being abused. We as a society need to
take a stand on the issues of abuse and suicide. They are not going to go
away simply because we choose not to face them and deal with them. They
will only get worse. Please if you take nothing else away from having read
this, keep the memory of what you felt when you read this story. For every
child out there who is silent there is an abuser who can do harm to many
children.  We need to ensure that abuse doesn't happen and that when it
does the victim understands that they are not in the wrong. That it wasn't
their fault. Abuse is not about sex, or violence. Yes they are the most
common forms that it takes, but they are about control and power. This is a
sad thing but it's the truth. Please think about what you do and what you
can do as a individual to help folks around you.