Date: Tue, 03 Oct 2000 01:57:58 CDT
From: Chica
Subject: Star Crossed-9

Well, looks like I'm FINALLY back!  Whew!  I am SO damn glad I can write
this chapter!  Whelp, so I don't get my sorry ass sued, here's a little
disclaimer.

DISCLAIMER:  I don't know if the BSB are gay, and this story is all made-up.

Told ya it was little!  Enough talking, here it is!


Chapter 9-Choices

     Kevin stared at the TV screen, trying to get his mind off his current
problems. No such luck. The news was on, and the weather, sports, and other
topics were already over. Howie sat next to Kevin, watching for the exact
same reason. "Should we try and talk to them?" Howie asked. Just as the
words left his mouth, a loud roar was heard and the sound of something
slamming against a wall was heard, then crying.

      "Maybe we should let them chill for a bit longer." Kevin suggested.
Howie shrugged, sinking into the couch more.

      "What's Brian doing?" Kevin asked.

     "Last time I checked he was packing. He's hell bent on marrying
LeighAnne. I tried to talk him out of it, but he keeps claiming he 'has' to
for both of their own goods." Howie explained.

     "Hold on Howie. I speak fluent Brian, and that needs to be translated:
He feels really bad about earlier, but is too upset and depressed to try and
fix anything, so he's basically throwing his life away and stepping on Nick
in the process for some half-baked reason." Kevin said in one breath.

     "Well, one of us has to....hey, isn't that that Colleen girl?!" Howie
asked, pointing toward the TV screen. Kevin turned his attention at the news
report.

     "Colleen Hasuik was proclaimed dead this afternoon. Police found the
remains of her body inside an old 1972 Ford pickup that was set on fire a
mile from St. Mercy hospital. A note was found not too far from the scene of
the crime that reads: 'This is only the beginning' The young girl's body was
burned so severely that the only identification that could be used were
dental records. In other news... Kevin reached over and turned off the TV
numbly.

     "How are we going to tell AJ?" Howie asked.

     "AJ already knows." A voice cut in. Kevin and Howie turned to see AJ
standing behind them, his eyes filled with unshed tears.

     "AJ....." Kevin reached for AJ, but AJ shrugged him off and went into
his room. Kevin sighed deeply, regretting the fight they had earlier.

     "Howie, make sure that AJ is ok. I have to try and see if I can help
Nick." Kevin ordered, feeling a need to check on him. Howie obediently
watched AJ's door.

     Kevin slowly made his way to Nick's bedroom. He tried the handle,
finding it unlocked. He pushed the door open softly. Nick was laying face
down on his bed, holding tightly to his pillow. He had torn off his white
shirt and tear stains filled his pillow. Kevin sadly looked at the young
man, wondering how all of this had happened. It seemed like only yesterday
things were normal. He was happily married, AJ was possibly falling into
love, Howie was looking for his 'senorita', Brian was going to marry
LeighAnne, and Nick....Nick.  Nick was a beautiful, shining young man that
was light hearted and hadn't a care in the world. The more he thought, the
more he realized that this was killing Nick. Nick had never had something
like this happen to him. No wonder he freaked out.

     Kevin stepped further into the room, letting his presence known. Nick
listened warily, then sighed deeply. "Whoever you are just go away and leave
me here." Nick choked out, clutching his pillow tighter.

     "It's just me Nick" Kevin softly informed him. Without a word, Kevin
moved to the side of the bed and sat next to his weeping friend. Nick
switched Kevin for the pillow and held him tight. Kevin felt Nick's tears
sliding down his arm and tried to imagine his pain. He finally leveled with
Nick when he thought of himself in Nick's position and his wife in Brian's
position. Kevin squeezed Nick tighter, wanting to take away his pain.

     "What do I do Kev? I don't want to live anymore. I want to fucking blow
myself into the next world. I want to die....I want to die......" Nick
repeated over and over, sobbing louder. Kevin suddenly hated his cousin.
'How could he do this?' Kevin thought. 'WHY did he do this?' He needed to
talk to Brian, but Nick came first right now.

     "Nick, what he did to you was shitty. But I know Brian better than
that. Nick, he's lying. I know for a fact you mean the world to him. Brian
is scared right now. Honestly, I might have done the same thing to Kristen
if I were in his shoes. He...no, NONE of us want to see you hurt. And you
very well might die if you're with Brian...." "Kev, that's just it. I'm
gonna die WITHOUT him."  Nick sadly stated, putting his head in Kevin's
lap.  Kevin sighed, lightly brushing Nick's hair with his fingertips.

     "Nick, sometimes in life we all have to make choices and deal with
what's been handed to us.  Right now, you've been handed something pretty
shitty.  Personally, I see life as a test.  God puts people in bad
predicaments to see how they handle each one.  Brian handled his his own
way.  Now, his might not be as great as yours, and that's my point.  If you
truly do love him, you'll STILL be by his side, no matter what he does."
Kevin said.

     "What do you want me to do?!  Jump into his arms?!  Hello?!  He fucking
hates me!"  Nick cried loudly, burying his face in Kevin's lap.  Kevin
sighed deeply.

     "That's not what I mean.  Trust me Nick, everything will work out in
the end.  Have I ever steered you wrong?"  Kevin asked.

     "Well, that one time you tried to get me to date Katy.  God she was a
hoar."  Nick moaned.  Kevin stifled a laugh, and patted Nick's head.

     "Well, I'd better go check on AJ."  Kevin said, starting to stand.

     "Why?  What's up with him?"  Nick asked.

     "You remember that girl he 'stalked'?  Kevin asked.

     "Who, Colleen?  Yeah, I remember."  Nick said slowly.

     "Her body was found badly burned."  Kevin said softly.

     "Shit, you'd better go check on him."  Nick said, turning back to his
pillow.  Kevin walked out of Nick's room and went to AJ's door.  He knocked
first, hearing nothing, and then walked in.  AJ was staring at the ceiling.
Kevin cautiously stood a few feet away, knowing AJ had a temper and if he
was upset he would physically handle his problems.  AJ didn't even look at
Kevin, but did speak.

     "Why, Kev?  I finally found someone I can really be with, and God
decides to take it away from me."  AJ stated coldly, never breaking his
gaze.

     "You shouldn't blame all your problems on God.  It was just her
time...." "NO!  It wasn't her time because she was murdered, damn it!!"  AJ
screamed, now staring straight at Kevin with venom in his eyes.

     "AJ, look..."  "When do you care all of a sudden?  You've never cared
about me before!"

     "Wait a second!  Yes I have!"  Kevin defended.

     "No, you haven't.  It's been this way since all of us met.  Either
you'd help Nick or your cuzzy Brian."  AJ spit at him.

     "Nick was only 12 and Brian IS my cousin, Howie was old enough to take
care of himself and you never needed help..."

     "No, that's what YOU think.  I was only 15!  We're you totally
independent at 15?  Hell no!  I would always be depressed, and no one cared.
  Why should they?"  AJ asked, his voice softening.

     "Because....because I was wrong."  Kevin mumbled.

     "Excuse me?  Did Kevin Scott Richardson, Mr..
I-am-an-anal-old-man-that-is-always-right is now saying he's wrong?!"  AJ
asked jokingly.

     "Yes.  I was wrong, I should have helped you more.  But I'm here now,
and you don't have to go through this alone.  We'll all help you through."
Kevin stated.

     "Well, it's too late for me, but I'll be damned if it's too late for
Nick and Brian.  Kev, they need to be together.  What are we going to do?"
AJ asked.

     "Brian is determined to wed LeighAnne.  All we can do now is try and
talk to him, not condemn him, but try and make him realize what a huge
mistake he's making."  Kevin said.

     "Well, I need a shower.  When is the wedding, Thursday?"  AJ asked.

     "Shit.  That means we only have two days."  Kevin said, standing up to
leave.

     "Kev....I'm sorry about the fight.  But I can still kick your
ass....sort of."  AJ said.

     "Well, that was a half-assed apology if I've ever heard one."  Kevin
joked.  AJ winked at him, going into the bathroom.  Kevin chuckled and went
into the living room to relax.

     "Hey Kev, Brian wants to talk to you."  Howie stated, walking past him.

     "What the hell do I look like?  Papa smurf?"  Kevin asked out loud.
Howie laughed.  Kevin wearily went into Brian's room.  Brian was
nonchalantly folding some shirts and whistling 'Whistle While You Work.'

     "How corny can you get?"  Kevin asked, sitting down on the bed.

     "I don't know.  I can dress up as Mickey or Donald duck."  Brian said,
using his famous Donald duck voice.  Kevin smiled at his antics.

     "Well, what is it you need to talk about, oh web-footed one?"  Kevin
joked.

     "No, that right there was corny....anyways, I need you to be my best
man."  Brian stated.

     "Oh, what about Nick?"  Kevin asked sarcastically.  Brian gave him 'the
look' and went back to folding pants.

     "Really, what about him?"  Kevin asked.

     "What is there to say?  Shit happened, now we deal with it."  Brian
stated firmly.

     "So, that's all it is?  Just one big 'ol thing that happened?"  Kevin
asked.

     "Yeah, something like that."  Brian said, his voice almost whispering.
Kevin picked up quickly on his tone and lunged at it.

      "You don't really want to marry her, do you?"  Kevin asked bluntly.

     "Yes, I do.  What's wrong with that?  She's a very nice WOMAN, and it's
just fine."  Brian stated.

      "Do you love her?"  Kevin asked.

      "I'm marrying her."  Brian said.

     "That's not what I asked."  Kevin stated.

     "What is it with you and Howie asking me that?!"  Brian exclaimed.

     "Because we know you don't."  Kevin said.

     "Look, it's better this way.  It IS the only way.  I want to live...I
want him to live."

     "And spend the rest of his life alone and thinking you hate him?!  He
won't live!  He'll.....oh fuck it.  Listen, and sit down."  Kevin said,
patting the mattress.  Brian sat down.

     "My father died about 9 years ago.  I was 19 then and this was before I
met the other guys.  They told me he had cancer only a couple of months
before he died.  The day before his death, my family went to the hospital to
visit him.  All I can remember is crying.  When it was my turn to see him, I
tried so hard not to cry, but I couldn't help it.  He tried to comfort me by
using the old 'we'll be together in heaven' thing, but it just didn't work.
I wanted him to see my success, be at my wedding, see my children.....I
couldn't be comforted.  Until he told me this:  It isn't how long you live,
but how you live.  And that is my most held belief today."

     "you see, Brian, no matter what I say, you're going to do whatever you
want.  But just remember what I said here when you're on that alter, staring
at your future wife, and then you'll understand EXACTLY what I'm saying."
Kevin said, standing up and taking his leave.  Brian slowly stood up to
finish packing.  As he was going to the closet to get more of his clothes,
he saw a picture on the dresser of him and Nick standing in front of a bunch
of flowers at Kevin's wedding with their arms around the other's shoulders.
For the first time, Brian let himself cry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ooh.....the plot thickens!  Will Brian realize what he's doing?  Will Nick
find his own strength?  Will AJ get over Colleen?  Will Kevin be stereotyped
even more by myself?  Will Howie ever get to star in this story?  Find out
next time!!!