Date: Sun, 23 Jul 2000 13:49:12 -0700
From: Denzil Cuddy <D_Cuddy@email.msn.com>
Subject: Story of My Love/ installment 2

Hi, well I see you have made it to part two.  LOL Thank you for reading.  I
promise I will try to make this story fun and interesting not just for
myself but for you my reader, or readers, as well.  So thanks for reading!

If you should not be reading this, if it is illegal or you find
homosexuality to be morally offensive, then I don't know how you made it
this far into the archive, but please follow any laws or moral guidelines
you feel should keep you from reading any further.  Thanks.

Again I do not in any way know the members of Nsync.  I don't make any
calls on the sexuality of any of the members of that fabulous group, this
is a purely fictional story from the dark deranged corners of my mind.  I
enjoy writing so here you are!!  I am writing this before my first
installment was put on the archive so just let me thank you in advance for
any and all e-mail that may have been sent.  Sees yaz latez!!  Ha!


 It has been a long day in New York.  We have done TRL and several talk
shows and now we are free until our concert in Madison Square Garden in two
nights.  I feel no sense of urgency to go out and explore the grand
complexities that make up this wonderful city.  Instead I feel a need to go
and talk to Lance.  The thought of actually making a connection with
someone has seen me through this long and problematic day.  I have been
stealing peaks at his rather unique beauty all day long.  His eyes
absolutely fascinate me.

 He does not have a traditional beauty, but is rather extraordinary in his
uniqueness.  I think it is his kind spirit shining out through it all that
actually makes him attractive.  I just can't stop looking sometimes.  I
close my eyes as I step into the showers flow and rinse the lather from my
hair.  I find myself humming and almost break into song, I have not sung in
the shower in a long time.

 I step out of the shower and towel off rather quickly.  We are supposed to
be meeting as a group in just a few minutes in Chris's room.  Chris is the
oldest and since he and Justin have become so close it has become second
nature for the group to meet in his room.  I cringe a little, and observe
this reaction in the mirror, as I think about the way I reacted to Justin
this morning on the bus.  It is too late to do anything about it now.

 I walk into my bedroom in just a towel and head for my suitcase.  I pull
out an old t-shirt and a pair of tennis shorts.  I quickly pull these on,
and head for Chris's room.  I hesitate just for a moment as I stand in
front of the door, and then knock.

 "Come in" Chris says almost immediately from within.  I open the door and
walk into an all too familiar sight.  Justin and Chris are sitting on a
couple of chairs facing the bed.  Joey is sitting on the floor by the foot
of the bed, and Lance is sitting up against the head board of the bed.  I
mumble hello and flop down on the bed with Lance.

 "So, what is everyone doing this evening??"  Joey says after the moment of
silence has become an unbearable eternity.

 "I think we should go check out a few clubs, it is not often we get a
morning off to recuperate from an evening on the town."  Chris says as he
leans back in his chair.

 "I'm with Chris, since I am old enough to go clubbing I really want to
give New York a try."  Justin has a big lop sided grin on his face as he
mutters this.  He is not really looking at anyone, and I feel a little
ashamed of how I treated him this morning.  Even if we are not the closest
of friends now we once were and that bond of caring is hard to sever.

 "I think I am going to stay in and watch a movie."  Lance says this
looking directly at me.  I smile a little at him, trying not to attract
unwanted attention to our new found camaraderie.

 "I think I am going to stay in as well, I don't see much point in going
out tonight.  To tell the truth I would just love to catch up on some shut
eye."  I hear a few chuckles as I say this and am glad for a change that
everyone thinks I love to sleep so very much.  I smile at Lance.

 "Well, I think I will go to keep an eye on Chris and Justin."  Joey says
as he looks around the room.  "Not that I don't trust you guys, but you two
can get into some awfully odd situations!"

 We all chuckle at this.  While Chris is the oldest, he often has more in
common with Justin than with the rest of us.  I feel a bitter stab of
jealousy, but it is quickly replaced by the thoughts of Lance and I being
alone for an entire evening.  We would have plenty of time to talk, and
figure everything out.

 A knock at the door lets us know that room service is here.  I smile at
Lance as Chris jumps up to open the door and let the bell boy bring the
cart into the room.  The smell of bacon and eggs immediately causes my
mouth to water.  There is a pot of coffee and a pitcher of orange juice and
some large delicious looking blueberry muffins on the tray that catch my
eye.  I jump up as everyone gathers around the food and any thought of
conversation vanishes in the ravenous quenching of morning hunger.

 After breakfast we go over our schedule.  We are free today and tomorrow
and have rehearsals Friday morning before the concert that evening.  I love
staying in one city for this long!!  Usually we are at a place for less
than a day and then gone.  It can get rather unnerving, and the bus is not
all that fun.  I love doing shows in New York because we always get some
free time when we are here.

 Lance excuses himself after the schedule has been covered and heads to the
gym.  Joey goes off to his own room shortly after and Justin and I announce
our departure at the same time.  As we walk out the door and down the hall
I decide I need to talk to him again, but he beats me to the punch.

 "JC, I'm sorry for everything that I have done, or more importantly have
not done in the past little while.  You know how stubborn I can be and to
have this announcement just suddenly come at me from out of the blue, well
it through me for a loop.  I'm sorry."  There are tears in his eyes and my
heart almost melts, but just almost.

 "It's o.k. Justin, how do you think I felt.  This was not out of the blue
for me, I had wrestled with my identity for a while.  I had to tell all my
friends and family when I finally figured it out for myself.  I never
dreamed I would lose almost everyone over it."  There are tears in my eyes
now but I refuse to let them fall, I have cried enough over these things
and it was time to move on.

 "JC, let's go shopping tomorrow, let's have a spending spree and see if we
can't get to know one another again.  I would have asked sooner but I
didn't think you would want to after the way I treated you, and then you
asked me last night and I thought you were just, well I don't really know
what I thought.  I had gotten into a routine I had become accustomed to you
shunning me and me doing the same to you.  I have missed you JC."

 He hugs me then and I can not help but hug him back.  I know that the
closeness we once had is gone forever, something like that can not be
brought back to life after being purposefully destroyed.  Perhaps , though,
we can build something new.  It is partly my fault too.  I did not try to
keep the friendship alive, I had just become accustomed to being abandoned
and let it slip from my grasp.  I will never make that mistake again.  I
smile as I hug him a little tighter, and then pull away.

 "O.k. Justin we will go shopping tomorrow, but I think Lance may come
along as well.  He and I had planned on going somewhere tomorrow, and I
don't think he will have a problem with you coming along.  I will have to
ask him though.  If not tomorrow we will do something before we leave New
York, I promise."

 "O.k. I will see you in the morning then, Chris and I are going to do some
stuff today, and then clubbing tonight.  We have to make time for each
other though.  You are my friend, no matter what JC."

 With that he turns and disappears into his room.  I open the door to my
own room and step into the cool dark and let the smile break across my
face.  After my life has been disjointed for so long it finally seems to be
coming back together.  I go over and flop down on the bed and let all of my
thoughts just buzz around the inside of my head.  My new found relationship
with Lance.  I wonder what that is all about will we be friends, or is
there something more there?  I am not sure but I know we will have to talk
about it tonight.  I will be happy either way.

 I must have drifted off to sleep because I jerked awake at the sound of
someone knocking on my door.  I stand up and enjoy a bit of a head rush and
wipe at my eyes.  I quickly walk over to the door and open it.  Joey is
standing there.  This is a shock.

 "Hey, JC, can we talk for a minute?"

 "Sure, come on in man.  What's up?"

 There is a look on his face that I have not seen before.  It is a little
foreboding I sit on the bed and wait for him to say what is on his mind.

 "I know that you and Justin are not as tight as you once were, but I don't
want you separating yourself from the group because of that.  I should have
said something sooner but we are always on that stupid bus and rehearsing
and just never had the time before.  I knew I had to says something,
though, this morning when you decided not to go clubbing with us."

 "Listen Joe, thank you for your concern, but Justin and I are working
things out just fine.  We had a talk earlier, and I think we are both about
ready to forgive the other.  What about you Joe, you are not exactly overly
friendly with any of us?  Why are you always trying to separate yourself?"

 There is a look of shock on his face.  He was coming in here to try and
help me, he did not expect the rolls to be reversed.  I have been meaning
to ask why he has been slowly withdrawing from our company for the past
several months, but I have been too preoccupied with my own set of
problems.  Such is life.

 "Don't take this the wrong way, but I can only take so much of you guys
before I feel like I am losing myself in all of you.  It can be a little
overwhelming to be with the same people for so long, and I guess just
overloaded.  Ya know?"

 I laugh, I can not help it.  He stands stoically for a moment and then
bursts out into laughter of his own.  It is not really that funny, but for
some reason laughter seems to be the best way to express that we understand
one another.  I stand and hug him and he hugs me.  Life is good.

 "Trust me I understand completely.  I've just really missed everyone
lately."  The laughter stops and a somber attitude has replaced it.  "I'm
glad to have you back and Justin, and I am just now getting to know Lance.
I don't think Chris ever changes, which I am glad for."

 "No, he never does, and I hope he never will.  I am glad that he and
Justin have become friends, Justin needed someone, and so did Chris.  They
needed what you, Lance, and I had to avoid for a little while.  The
closeness of someone else."  We chuckle again and I feel like some great
burden has been lifted.  "I'm glad to have you back JC, do you want to go
out with us tonight?"

 "No, I really can't I have plans, but before we leave New York lets all go
out and go a little CRAZY!!  I think we could all use it."

 Joey laughs and we chat for a few more minutes before he decides to leave
and go get lunch.  I put on some descent clothes, a tight blue dress shirt
and some slacks.  I head down to Lance's room to see if he wants to grab
lunch.  I knock on his door and wait impatiently and nervously to see his
face.


Well, there you go part two.  Is this story a little too dramatic??  Let me
know, I kind of think it is right now, but I had to establish the
characters and the past before I could begin getting into the fun stuff.
LOL I promise it will get a little more fast paced, but I don't think there
are going to be in over written love scenes in this story.  Sorry, it may
change as the characters find their loves, and things like that, but right
now I don't think I want that.  Well, please send feedback to
D_cuddy@email.msn.com or D_cuddy@msn.com.  I hope to hear from you soon,
Takes care.

Oh, P.S. Gabreilla, thanks for your lovely thoughts about my story.
Everyone should read hers by the way it is My Surprise Romance.  it's
great!!  Thank everyone.