Date: Sun, 6 Aug 2000 14:33:57 -0700
From: Denzil Cuddy <D_Cuddy@email.msn.com>
Subject: Story of my Love installment 7

Well, we have finally made it to part seven.  You will have to forgive my
for my spelling and mechanical errors, but it is the end of the summer
session here at school, and I have been having long days of exams and
reviews for exams.  LOL Not fun, I do not recommend summer classes to
anyone!  When I can't go to sleep though, I find solace in my computer.  So
the story is still getting written.  Hope you enjoy.

If you shouldn't be reading this for any reason, please don't.  If you are
reading this when you shouldn't be don't get caught.  As always please send
your e-mail it really helps the writing process to see what the readers
think.  D_cuddy@email.msn.com hope to hear from you soon.  ENJOY


 I step out of the bathroom, and grab my wallet and keys off the chest of
drawers.  I walk out the door and see Justin just coming out of his room
too.  He smiles and heads in my direction.

 "You ready to go Lance?"  He asks as he reaches my door.

 "Yup, let's get there."

 With that we both walk toward the elevator.  We make small talk as we go,
enjoying the quiet of the early morning at the hotel.  Hopefully we will
beat the deluge of press and fans to the hospital.  It has been nearly a
month since JC was shot.  I look back at that time with a heavy heart.  The
hospital had let us stay there for the first week or so, but then we had to
stop that.  The hospital just did not have the resources to accommodate us.
I am grateful they let us stay as long as they did.  It helped in that
early time to sleep in the same building as my love.

 JC is breathing on his own, but still has not come out of the coma.  The
swelling on his brain stopped and the doctors say it is just a matter of
time.  Chris and Joey have gone down to Florida to talk with management.
We can obviously not continue the tour, and everything has gone haywire.
No one has heard from JC's parents since the shooting.

 The limo pulls up outside of the hospital and as always I am inspired by
the building.  I am inspired by everything in this city.  I love the way
the buildings reach up to brace the sky and cause me to get dizzy if I
stare up too long.  I have grown to love the fact that this is the city
that never sleeps.  Those late nights when I can't sleep, I find solace in
this place.  I am, however, anxious to leave it behind.  To leave with JC
and head back down south, to Florida.  I miss the sun and the beach and
even the hot humid air.  I even miss life on the road, but most of all I
miss JC.  I want to talk to him, and hold him, and tell him over and over
again that I love him.

 We get out of the limo and head into the hospital.  The nurse at the
reception desk smiles up at us.  She is a nice older blonde woman, who has
gone out of her way to be nice to all of us.  I sent her granddaughter a
group picture autographed by all of us, except for JC.  I smile back at the
kind hearted woman as Justin and I run to catch the elevator.  We make our
way down the hall and into the little room that holds our sleeping friend.
We each have a chair now, and we sit and talk and watch the television as
JC slumbers away in the bed beside us.

 Justin's mom has called once, just at the two week marker, trying to make
him come home.  Justin refused and got into a rather heated argument.  He
hung up on her and she has not called back since.  I comforted Justin after
that, I can't imagine how difficult it would be to choose between your once
and future best friend, and the woman who gave birth to you.  I hope he
finds his way.





 I'm falling.  It is a long dark cold place, full of screaming wind and
horrid things.  It is my mind.  I can not control any of this though.  I am
falling like Alice down the rabbit hole.  I scream.  No sound issues forth
from my mouth.  I try to scream again, and again I can make no sound.  This
is more terrifying than the actual fall.

 I am cold to the very core of my being.  The wind seems to blow through me
as well as around me.  I feel that it is the wind of truth, the wind of
life.  I feel this horrid loneliness.  I see shapes in the darkness.  Vague
shapes, reminiscent of the people and things I have loved in my life.  I
cry as these fleeting images roll across my consciousness.  I cry as I see
my life flicker before my eyes in the half light of the sleeping mind.

 Suddenly there is a light beneath me.  It is intense in the darkness of
this place.  It is brilliant and causes my eyes to sting with its beauty.
I am falling toward it, into it.  I am suddenly afraid.  Is this the light
that people see as they die.  Is this the light that they walk into and
toward, to get into the eternity that lies after life.

 I feel myself being ripped and pulled as I fall into the star in the sea
of darkness.  It is like some immense tide of gravity has reached out to
pull me in.  The wind and the fall cease to matter, and I plunge to the
light.  As I fall I see some of the fleeting images come into focus.  I see
my parents and my brother.  I see Lance and the other guys.  I see Justin's
blue eyes staring at me.  I am scared as I lose myself, as the light
reaches out and envelops me.

 My eyes open, I had not realized that they were closed.  I am in a bed,
and I can hear a television playing somewhere near by.  It is bright in the
room, and I have to squint my unaccustomed eyes.  I hear the beeping of
machines as I stare at the cream colored walls around me.  I look over and
see Lance and Justin asleep in some chairs by my bed.  They look so cute
like that, all blond and innocent.  I smile as I see my friend and my love
have finally made peace with each other.

 I try to say Lance's name.  My throat is parched, though, and no sound
issues out.  I tremble as I remember my dream, vision, whatever it was.  As
I remember falling through and endless void, with wind and cold.  I try
again, and manage a hacking cough.  Lance stirs but does not quite come
around.

 "Lance...." I finally manage to get out.  I then cough for several minutes
and my chest feels like it is on fire.  I grimace and a moan escapes from
me.  Lance and Justin are both awake now and stare for a moment.  Lance
jumps up and runs over to me.  He is stroking my hair and looking intently
at my face.

 "JC...JC!  It's about time.  Don't you dare ever EVER leave me like that
again.  God you scared me."  He must have seen the look of pain on my face
then as he reaches down and pushes a button on the side of my bed.  I look
and see that it is labeled Nurse's station.

 That is when everything comes flooding back to me.  The girl the gun, the
fight to breath as I lay on the floor of some store.  I remember the blood
as Lance and Justin held my hands and told me to hang on.  I remember the
horrible feeling as my eyes finally close and the darkness reaches out to
me.  I am crying now, and clutching Lance to me.  My chest hurts, and I
have all of these memories to deal with.

 "JC, you have to let go the Dr. is here and she needs to look at you.
Come on, I'll go get you a glass of water, and be right back.  I love you."
With that Lance extricates himself so the Dr. can get to me.  She is a tall
middle aged woman.  Her blond hair is cut short and pulled back into a
tight little bun on the back of her head.  She looks intelligent.

 "Mr. Chasez, it's about time you came back to us." She smiles as she says
this and looks at several of the machines that I realize that I am
connected to.  She nods to herself in apparent satisfaction of what she
sees.  She finally comes over to the bedside and pulls back the blanket
from my feet.  The cool air of the room immediately embraces them.  I
shiver a little.

 "Don't worry we'll get you covered back up real quick."  She smiles as she
sees my reaction.  Lance comes in and I finally get a drink of water.  It
is wonderful, the most perfect cool refreshing water I have ever had.
"Now, Mr. Chasez, I need you to tell me when you feel anything."  As she
says this I feel a tiny prick in my big toe.

 "I feel something on my toe."  I choke out shocked by how rough my voice
sounds.  She smiles as she pricks me several other places and I dutifully
inform her as I feel the little stings all over the bottom of my feet.
Finally she pulls the blanket back over my now chilled feet.

 "Well, Mr. Chasez, you have had a very close call.  I am glad to tell you,
however, there does not seem to be any nerve damage.  You should be able to
make a full recovery.  I'll come by and talk to you in the morning, I
suggest you get some rest."  With that she makes one more check of my
vitals and then makes her exit.

 Justin is suddenly on one side of me.  I had forgotten about seeing him.
He looks as if he has been crying, and I pat his hand.  Justin hugs me and
Lance hugs us both.  They laugh a bit and I try a smile.

 "Guys, I'm glad to see you too.  How long have I been here?"

 They exchange looks as if to steady each other.

 "You've been in a coma for just a little over two months."  Justin finally
says as Lance holds my hand.  I am shocked.  Two months, two months of
coma.  I start crying again.

 "You've been here with me the entire time?"  I ask them.

 "We would never leave you.  I love you JC."  Lance says as he starts to
cry himself.  He looks a little thinner than I remember seeing him.  His
eyes sparkle with tears in the bright room.  I pull on his arm as he leans
down and I kiss his cheek.  I pull Justin down into a hug.

 "Thank you both for being here.  I love you too Lance, and I love you
Justin.  Thank you both so much.  What happened to the girl?"  Again they
exchange a look.  Finally Justin nods his head and Lance closes his eyes
for a moment.

 "After she shot you, she killed herself.  She shot herself before anyone
could do anything.  Her name was Amanda Jones, and she was from Georgia.
She was seventeen, and had just recently run away from home, after a brief
stay in a mental health facility."

 A silence fills the room after this.  What can anyone say to make any of
this information any easier to absorb.  It is a horrible tragedy, and even
though she shot me I feel sorry for her.  I feel like a hollow man and
suddenly my stomach rumbles.  I have not eaten in two months.  Justin tries
not too, but he starts laughing and soon my Lance joins in and I can not
help but chuckle.  I feel the laughter is some kind of healing salve.  I
laugh harder and soon there are tears streaming down all of our faces.  I
sob, finally, unable to hold back any longer.  The pain and trauma of
everything finally catching up to me.  Lance holds me and Justin holds my
hand.  We all comfort each other as pent up emotions are finally being
released.

 "God, Josh, I missed you so very much.  I am so sorry we fought, I am
sorry for being a jack ass!  You are my best friend, and I was not there
for you when you needed me most.  It took almost losing you to make me
realize just how special you are too me.  Forgive me?"  Justin blurts this
out in one long breath.  His face is red and his hand is shaking.

 "Of course I forgive you.  How could I not.  You are my best friend.  You
are my Justin."  I say as I pull him down and hug him.

 "I missed you too Josh.  I love you, and this has made me realize how deep
my feelings for you go.  Never ever leave me again Josh, I can't take it
again."  Lance has tears sliding down his face, and I pull him into a hug
too.  I kiss his cheek and mess up his hair.

 "I love you too Lance.  I will never leave you again.  Thank you both for
being here...thanks for being here when I woke up.  I don't know what I
would have done had I been by myself.  You are both great, and I don't know
what I could do without you."

 We sit and chat for a few minutes, but then I get really tired.  My eyes
close I slip into a deep sleep.  You would think I would have been well
rested after being in a coma for so long.  I chuckle in my sleep and dream
sweet dreams.





 It's been three days since I woke up.  I am finally getting out of the
hospital, and my strength is starting to come back.  My legs are weak, and
it will be a while before I do any dancing, or much walking and standing
for that matter.  My friends are here to help me though.  Chris and Joey
are going to meet us in Orlando.  We are finally leaving New York, well in
two days anyway.  Lance keeps feeding me and telling me how thin I am.  I
think it must be a southern thing to fatten up the people you love.  I just
smile and humor him.  I have noticed my clothes are a bit more baggy than
before, but being fed intravenously for two months will have that affect
upon a body.

 The sky is blue.  It is such a perfect color blue, and I stare at the
small sliver of it I can see between the rows of buildings.  My head aches
with the looking, but I don't care.  I love that color blue, and it seems
so much more brilliant now.  We are quickly rushed into the limo though,
and head for the hotel.  Justin and Lance are excited about finally getting
away from the hospital.  I have to say I am too, though my memories of it
are so much less than theirs.

 Lance has told me about my parents, and I can not help but smile when I
think how they helped Lance and the others to get in to see me.  My heart
breaks when I think that they did not stay with me, but maybe in time even
that can heal.  I am alive, and I feel wonderful and forgiving.  We arrive
at the hotel and the security keeps back the mob of fans and reporters that
are massed outside to see me.  I am a bit anxious to get through and into
the safety of the hotel.  I think I am going to have a fairly hefty therapy
bill in my near future.

 I sigh as Lance pushes my wheelchair quickly to the elevator that Justin
is holding for us.  I sigh as the large metal doors slide closed.  I lean
my head back and rub my cheek against Lance's hand.

 "It's o.k. baby, we are almost there.  Then I'll give you a nice hot bath,
and you can take a long nap."  Lance rubs his thumb across my cheek and I
smile in contentment.  Justin chuckles.

 "I want a bath too.  I wonder if I can get that blond nurse to help me
out?"  He smiles at Lance and I and I can feel the old bond of friendship
strengthen again.  I love it.

 "I'm sure you could curly, but I've got the best blond nurse money can buy
right here.  And before you can ask, no you can't borrow him."  I say as I
sit back up and smile at myself in the reflection in the large metal doors.

 "I was not going to ask to borrow your sorry tired looking nurse.  I need
a little more in my nurses, I guess you are just less picky than I am JC."
Justin chuckles as Lance punches him in the arm.  "Ooh, feisty, I have to
admit I do like that." We all three chuckle at this.  The door dings and
slides open.  We make our way down to my room and slip in.

 "Lance, can that bath wait until later, I'm more tired than I thought."  I
yawn as I say this.  Lance smiles and helps me to the bed.  Justin laughs,
and gives me a hug.

 "Well, guys, I think JC has the right idea, I'm heading to my room to get
a nice little nap."  Justin says his goodbyes and flees the room.

 "Can I sleep in here with you?"  Lance asks.

 I smile and nod my head, I pull back the covers and invite him in.  He
spoons up against me and I am soon off in dreamland.  With his warm body
pressed against mine, I am content and at peace.


Lance

 I pull JC tightly against me and relish the warmth.  I love him with my
whole heart, and love the feel of his skin.  I can hear when his breathing
changes and he is asleep.  I put my hand over his heart and feel it gently
beat.  I draw strength from this.  I feel his love and his life and I know
that he is both these things for me.  I smile as I snuggle into the pillow
and smell the wonderful perfection that is my JC.  I am soon asleep and
have the most wonderful sleep in months.  My heart is happy.


Well, there it is part SEVEN.  Wow.  Well, JC is not dead, that does not
mean that I don't want a sad ending any more.  It may still happen.  I just
couldn't kill off my favorite character.  Besides a friend told me I make a
cute JC.  LOL Well, keep reading and let me know what you think.  Let me
know if you are happy JC lived.  I am taking a little poll, I want to know
if one of the characters were to be killed off who would you pick??  I
don't think anyone is going to die in my story, but I am curious.  Several
people e-mailed me and told me to leave JC alone and have Joey killed off
instead.  GEESH.  So, just let me know and I will post the results.
Thanks.

DC