Date: Mon, 24 Jul 2000 21:26:15 CDT From: Colleen Hasiuk <reader_colleen@hotmail.com> Subject: Tears In Your Eyes Chapter 10 ********** DISCLAIMER: I do not know any of these people, neither do I know their sexual orientations. This story is NOT REAL. If you're too young to be reading this, please go away. And, as I am a "chick", don't expect much- if any- sex. I've managed to get this far without any, and I don't there's going to be any soon, K? Feedback is good (reader_colleen@hotmail.com). Thanks go out to Joey (love ya, girl!), Becca, Cele, Yuli, Gabriella, Jayne, and all the rest of the members of the *NSync slash e-group. You guys are the greatest!! Special mention to Hamado, who was the first to guess that JC had raped Lance. Kudos to you! While I'm at it, let me say "GO READ THESE STORIES!!!": "I Need You Tonight", "Sucks To Be You", and "Starcrossed" by Joey, "Superman Can't Fly" by Dayse (YAY!), "Remembering Petticoat Lane" by Becca (that story made me cry!), "Playing For Keeps" by Kimmer, "Busta" by Yuli, "Not Meant to Be/Beyond What Is" by Kyle, "Dirty Little Secrets" by Myka, "Justin's Journal" by Jamie, "*NSync Lance & JC" by Kevin, and all the stories by DivaKitT. Those are my current favorite stories, although there are too many wonderful stories to mention in a single disclaimer! I have a webpage for this story now, as well as for my other stories (including a joint fan fiction written by myself and Joey)! It can be found at http://www10.ewebcity.com/colleensfic/index.html. Please check it out, as the chapters are posted a couple of days ahead of when I send them to David. Now, after all that babbling, onto the good stuf! *grin* ********** Chapter 10- In A Nightmare "I raped Lance," JC said bluntly. JoBeth's mouth dropped open in shock while Lance cringed. JC went to say something, but she stopped him with a raised hand. "Let me get this straight. You and Lance have both been raped by the same person... and then you turned around and proceeded to rape Lance?" "JoBeth, I wasn't finished," JC reproached her. Looking at Lance again, JC took a deep breath. "I raped you that night because... He told me he'd hurt you ten times as bad if I didn't do what he said. He stood in the doorway and watched while I did it, and he laughed because he knew how much it was hurting me to do that to you." JoBeth's mouth opened even wider while Lance's face was even whiter than it had been before. JC felt tears come to his eyes and dropped his gaze back to his hands. "Josh... My God, Josh..." "What?" JC asked tiredly, tears running down his face. "I never knew," Lance said simply. "I never saw him there that night." "He knew you wouldn't," muttered JC. "That's why he made me do it- because he knew you'd hate me for it and that it would kill me." "Why?" JoBeth asked. "Because he is the only person other than Joey to know one of my deepest secrets." "And what would that be?" JoBeth and Lance asked as one. "He knows what I feel for Lance, and he knew the best way to hurt me was through him," JC said to the floor. JoBeth still looked slightly confused, but Lance's eyes opened in realization. "Josh..." he started. "Josh... I'm sorry, Josh... I am so sorry." "For what?" JC noticed the tears in Lance's own eyes which only made him cry harder. Lance got up from his chair and pulled JC into a hug. JC tried to pull away, not wanting to be touched, but Lance just tightened his grip. "I'm sorry for not noticing your feelings before. Why didn't you ever tell me?" "Would you believe me if I said I was scared?" JC asked softly. "And after the rape, I kinda figured you wouldn't be willing to hear it." "Oh, Josh," was all Lance said. "How did Joey find out?" "That day at the movies... I saw you guys kissing and ran to the bathroom in tears. Remember?" Lance nodded, so JC continued. "After Joey sent you to go get Chris and Justin, Joey asked me how long I'd loved you. I was shocked, cause not even Justin knows about my feelings. But Joey knew... anyways, I told him that you'd never find out 'cause I didn't want to get in the way of what you guys had." "I'm sorry, Josh." "It's not your fault, Lance," JC said, sniffling. "That's what I meant in my note when I asked Joey to take care of you and love you like I never can." "What do you mean, JC?" JoBeth asked, entering the conversation again when JC paused and didn't look like he was going to start again. Lance was silent, digesting this new information as quickly as he could. "JC, don't answer," Lance jumped in when he saw JC open his mouth to say something. "JoBeth, I don't really want to hear this." "I'm sorry Lance," JC said in a low voice, feeling the tears start up again. "JC, don't apologize! It should be me that's saying 'sorry' to you... I'm sorry, Josh. I'm so, so sorry for not believing you. I should have known you'd never hurt me like that! But Josh, why didn't you ever tell me that you were being raped, too?" "For the same reason you never told anyone- fear. But I did try once, only you weren't listening." JC tried not to sound reproachful. "The other day in your hotel room, I was going to tell you, explain to you why I did it, but you wouldn't hear me out." "I'm sorry, Josh," Lance said again, wrapping JC in yet another tight hug. JC was unresponsive for a minute before finally relaxing. "Hush," JC whispered, returning Lance's hug. The two men remained like that for a long time, wrapped in each other's arms, until JoBeth cleared her throat. "Um, boys? Who's been raping the both of you?" Lance and JC studied each other for a moment before JC turned to her. "If you don't mind, JoBeth, we'd rather keep that to ourselves for now." "The rule?" "JoBeth, please. We're not being difficult. Lance and I just need to talk about this some more. We will tell you, just not right now." "Allright," JoBeth conceeded. "Anything else?" "You don't have to report this to anyone, right?" JC asked, not letting go of Lance. JoBeth shook her head. "No, not unless you want me to." "NO!" Both boys yelled as one. "Thank you," JC said softly to JoBeth. She smiled gently at him. "That's what I'm here for, JC. Now you and Lance go back to your groupmates. You guys will have a lot to talk about." "That we will," Lance muttered under his breath, taking control of JC's wheelchair. "W're gonna have a *hell* of a lot to explain..." Lance wheeled JC out of JoBeth's office, neither speaking a word. Joey and Justin were in the waiting room, looking worried until Justin heard the squeak of the wheelchair's tires. "Josh!" he yelled, jumping up and running for his friend. Joey followed, but was brought up short when Justin abruptly stopped. "What? Oh, Lance... I take it everything went well?" Lance glanced down at the top of JC's head, then back up at Joey. "As well as can be expected, I guess," Lance said. "Is that good or bad?" Justin asked. "Good," JC smiled up at Lance slightly. He glanced down and smiled back. "You guys work everything out?" "We..." "Most of it," Lance said. "We still have a long way to go. But it's a start." "Did you tell JC..." "What I told you that night? Yeah, JC knows now, too." Joey pulled Lance to him and held him for a moment while Justin took control of JC's wheelchair. "OK, I'm confused," said Justin. "We'll explain everything later, Curly," JC quietly told him. Justin nodded. "Where to now?" Joey wanted to know. Lance shrugged, still wrapped in Joey's arms. "Hospital?" Justin suggested. "I want to know everything, and I want to know NOW." "Fine," JC sighed. "Call Chris and tell him to meet us there." "What about Backstreet?" "NO!" Lance and JC yelled almost at once. "We'll tell them something later," Lance continued in a quieter voice. Justin nodded and wheeled JC out of the office. "Meet you guys there," he threw over his shoulder as he bundled JC into the car. Once they were moving, Justin pounced. "What happened, Josh?" Justin demanded. "We talked," was all JC would say. Even when Justin asked him direct questions, JC dodged them. "Wait until we get back," he kept insisting. Finally Justin gave up and they finished the trip in silence. They got to the hospital to find Joey and Lance had beaten them somehow. Chris arrived just as they were getting JC settled back in his room. "Well?" Justin asked once everyone was assembled and settled. Lance and JC exchanged looks before Lance sighed. "I guess I'll start," he said. "Joey already knows this, but... when I was raped last week, it wasn't the first time." "What?" Justin and Chris exclaimed. Joey shot them both a 'look' and they closed their mouths. "For the last five years, the same person has been raping me as often as he can," Lance continued. "That's part of the reason I've been so distant recently." After a shocked silence, Chris asked, "Who's been raping you, Lance? And why didn't you tell one of us? Five fucking years!" "I know. I didn't tell you because... because he convinced me that the rapes were my fault and that I was a tease. I was so scared that you guys would hate me if you knew the 'real' Lance. Well, that and the fact he threatened to kill me if I ever told. As for who, all I will say is that you know him." "Who is it, Lance?" asked Justin quietly. "One of the Backstreet Boys," Lance replied just as quietly. Another shocked silence before Justin screamed at the top of his lungs. "FUCK!" "Wow!" JC exclaimed, trying to stop his heart from racing. "What was that for?" "I'm going to fucking kill them!" Justin yelled. Joey stood up quickly and went over to Justin. "I've been tempted, J, believe me! Why do you think I've been so weird around them? Lance, if you won't tell us who, can we at least rule people out?" Lance nodded. "OK, Nick was with me, Chris, JC and Justin last week when you were raped, so it's not Nick, right?" Lance nodded again. "I *think* Kev was on a date with Kristin, but that can't be proved. Is it Kev?" Lance shook his head. "So that leaves Brian, AJ or Howie." "We're not done," Lance said. "JC has something to add." JC was silent for a minute, pondering his words. "The reason Lance has been so weird around me recently is..." he stopped, unable to admit his secret to the rest of the group. "Josh, tell them," Lance said gently. "I can't!" "Josh, please." JC shook his head, his body trembling with fear. Justin quickly crawled up onto the bed with his best friend and held him. JC relaxed in Justin's arms and attempted to regain control. Finally, he was ready. "Lance has been so weird around me because I raped him." JC's words came out so fast that the others almost missed them, but they picked out the gist of it. "WHAT?" Joey bellered and lunged for JC but Lance caught him and held him tightly. JC cringed and tried to pull away from Justin, but Justin wouldn't let him go. "Josh, why?" Chris asked, trying to digest everything. "Because the same person that has been raping Lance has also raped me." "What the hell?" Justin demanded, pulling away from JC to study his friend's face. "Josh, what are you saying?" "So because you were raped, you fucking decided to rape Lance?" Joey yelled, still fighting his boyfriend. "Joe, let him finish." Lance's voice was quiet but his tone was iron. Joey relaxed slightly and nodded his head, still clearly angry. "JC, you still didn't answer the why," Justin prompted. "Until earlier today, Joey was the only person other than the rapist to know this," JC began. "He knows how I feel about Lance, and that's why he made me do it. He knew it would kill me to hurt Lance like that. He told me that unless I did as he said, he'd hurt Lance ten times worse than he'd ever hurt me. So I did it, and he just stood there and watched. When I was finished, he took me back to my room and he... punished... me." "You didn't tell me that part!" Lance exclaimed. "I didn't want to worry you," JC said quietly. "What did he do to you?" Justin asked, pulling JC back to his chest. "He's into BSDM," was all JC said. "BSDM?" Lance asked, confused. Joey leaned over and whispered something in his ear. "Oh my God! What exactly did he do?" "He tied me up and whipped me for starters," JC said, his voice flat. Lance went white. "Chains, ropes, paddles... you name it, he used it that night." "Josh... Oh, my God!" "Lance, stop it. Now you know why I never told you?" "That doesn't change what you did," Joey said coldly. Lance slapped him. "Joe, shut up! This is for JC and I to work out, OK? Leave it alone." "Sorry, Lance." Lance gave his boyfriend a half-smile, knowing he was going to have a lot of talking to do later that night when they were alone. "Joshie..." Justin said, using his baby-name for JC. "Why didn't you ever tell me?" "For the same reason Lance never told- fear. Justin, you've been my rock for these last years, and I didn't want to worry you." "JC, can I ask you something?" Chris finally spoke up. JC nodded. "How exactly do you feel about Lance?" JC studied his hands. "I've loved him for so long now that sometimes it feels like I don't have a heart to give anyone else. It all belongs to him. But Joey holds Lance's heart, and I know I can never take it away, nor will I try. I love them both too much to do that to either of them." JC looked up, tears in his eyes to find Lance's eyes also awash with tears. JC looked back down at his hands, feeling like shit. "Lance, I never wanted you to find this out because I knew it would hurt you!" "Josh, hush," Justin interrupted. "Joey, you knew?" "I figured it out that day at the movies," Joey said. Justin nodded and just held JC tighter. Lance was quietly crying into Joey's chest while Chris sat in the middle of it all, speechless. "So what are we going to do?" Joey finally asked. "Continuing the therapy for one," Chris said, starting to return to normal. "And we tell the police." "Chris, no!" Lance cried. "Why not?" "Too much publicity," JC said. "If we bring him up on charges, you'll have to charge me, too." "No we won't," Justin argued. "Yes, because he'll tell the police what I did. They'll investigate. They'll want to read the note I left when I tried to commit suicide. They'll ask questions we don't want to answer. And sooner or later someone will crack." "You can't just let him get away with this!" Joey was pissed, but at least his anger was no longer directed fully at JC. "Joe, what can we do?" Lance asked tiredly. "I don't know, but there has to be something!" "Joey, if there was something they could do, don't you think Lance and JC would have done it a long time ago?" Chris asked. "I just hate the fact that one of those assholes hurt Lance! I feel so helpess! I hate feeling helpless; it's like I can't do anything! Please, let me punch someone..." Lance smiled at that. "When we get back to the hotel, we can go down to the gym, OK? Work out your anger. That's what JoBeth told me to tell you to do. Plus, the thought of making out with you while you're sweaty really turns me on..." "Lance!" Joey cried, shocked. Lance smiled and winked, making Joey blush. Chris, JC and Justin watched them with faint smiles. "Well it does!" "Lance, not in front of the children," Joey said, stressing 'children'. Lance turned red and looked at the floor. "Whoops. Sorry, guys." "Don't worry about it," Chris said. "You're allowed to be affectionate with your boyfriend. It's just us five right now." "Still..." "Lance, stop worrying. Now shut up and kiss me," Joey ordered. Lance grinned and obeyed. Chris clapped his hands like a child while JC looked elsewhere. When they came up for air almost five minutes later, they found they had an audience. Dr. Miniew had arrived sometime during their display and was watching with a raised eyebrow. "I'll keep my mouth shut," he said with a grin when they blushed. "Hey, doc!" Justin greeted him, smirking at the couple for being caught. "How are you feeling, JC?" Dr. Miniew asked. "Better than yesterday." "Well, we're thinking you can go home tomorrow. The bandages stay on your wrists for another week, and after that you can come back and get the scars removed if you want." JC nodded slowly. "I might do that, just to appease management. The fewer scars I show, the better." Only his band members understood the double meaning in that statement. "Well, like I said, after one more week you can come have it done. Sound good?" "Sounds great!" "What time tomorrow will he be released?" Chris asked. "Around 10:00 am, after a few more tests. Will someone be here to pick him up?" "Hell yeah!" Justin yelled. "All four of us, probably. Maybe Nicky, too." "As long as JC here isn't driving, it doesn't matter. I'll see you later, JC." "Thanks, doc," JC called as Dr. Miniew left the room. JC let out a sigh of relief. "I'm glad he's going to keep quiet about Joey and Lance," Chris said. "I hope he didn't hear what he were talking about before!" JC said. "And I want to thank you guys." "For what?" "For being so supportive, even after what I told you I did." "JC, it wasn't your choice," Justin said gently. "Still..." "JC, I'm not very happy with you right now, but I still love you," Joey said. JC smiled. "Thanks, Joe. I really appreciate it." "You're our brother, JC," said Chris. JC reached over and Chris gave him a hug. "Well, what now?" Joey asked. "I want to go back to the hotel," Lance said. "I want to go back, too." That was Joey. Everyone grinned at him and he blushed yet again. "What? Can't I want to spend time with my boyfriend?" "Whatever, Joe," Chris laughed. "I need to call Danielle, so I'd better head back, too." "I want to stay here and talk to JC for a while longer," Justin said. "Can someone call Nicky and ask him to come?" "I will," Chris replied. "I'll do it on the way back to the hotel, K?" "Thanks, Chris." With that, Joey, Lance and Chris left. Justin turned back to JC. "Josh..." "Justin, please." "Josh, I'm sorry." "For what?" "For not helping you." "Justin, sweetie, you didn't know. You couldn't have done anything." "So the reason you tried to commit suicide was because you were forced to rape Lance?" Justin asked, still trying to get everything straight in his head. "Pretty much." "What else is there?" Justin exclaimed. JC blushed. "By now if you haven't figured it out..." Justin's eyes widened. "Oh, my God!" JC laughed. "You're gay?" "Yup." "Josh, I'm going to shoot you!" JC looked panicked. "Why?" "Because you didn't tell me any of this earlier!" "Justin," JC laughed softly. "You know why I didn't tell you! And you don't care?" "Hell, I see Joey and Lance every day. How can I possibly care?" "Thanks, Curly," JC said, reaching up for a hug which Justin willingly provided. They hugged for a few minutes before Justin released his friend. "My back!" he groaned. "Poor baby," JC teased. Justin stuck his tongue out at JC before sobering up. "What are we going to tell Backstreet about the rapes and whatnot? Nicky will be here soon!" "I don't know what we're going to tell Backstreet... I mean, how can I tell them THAT?" "Tell us what?" a voice came from the doorway. Justin whirled so fast he got dizzy and JC's face went white. "Nick. AJ. Howie. Kevin. Brian," JC said, naming each man off as his gaze rested on them. "Hi."