Date: Sun, 14 Apr 2002 17:26:11 +0000
From: "})({ Priscy G })({" <luv_hugs_chocolate@hotmail.com>
Subject: Thank You For Loving Me - Part 9

Hey!

I'm glad you came back :)

Thanks to my cute, sweet, lovable best friends. I miss you guys so much and
I hope you forgive me for how absent I've been. I just haven't had much
internet time. And when I do, I can't get my icq/messenger open. I swear!

Thanks to everyone who's sent me feedback for the last chapter of this,
thank you so much!

Commercial break: Go check out the 20th chapter of French Kiss Me, it's been
on Nifty for like two weeks or so. See? I haven't abandoned it! lol Thanks
for all the feedback I've gotten for that one too :)

Good ol' disclaimer: I'm not any of them, I don't know them, I don't know
anyone related to them, I don't know what side their doors swing. If you
shouldn't be reading this, then you shouldn't be reading this and you know
it so it's not my responsibility if you're caught. If you're not comfortable
with two men in a relationship, get the hell out of here.

Luv!
Priscy G

Thank You For Loving Me - Part 9
By Priscy G


~*~Kevin~*~

"C'mon, Kev, you gotta get up, man."

"I'm tired," I replied, hating the whiny tone in my voice.

"Keer told me to tell you that you have that appointment at the doc today.
Want me to go with you?" Keith asked as he stroked my hair back from my
forehead.

"You don't have to..." I replied, not putting much resistance to it as I
snuggled up closer to him, putting my head on his lap.

"Well, I'm going anyway..." he replied softly and I smiled weakly up at him.

"Thanks," I whispered and he chuckled as he bent down and kissed my
forehead.

"You don't have to thank me but you're welcome..."

"Did you get to talk to Jacob last night?"

"Yup. He said he'd manage a night without his boss on his back just fine."
Keith laughed and I chuckled. I had really amazing people around me. I
stretched on my back on the bed and groaned. I hadn't felt that tired and
sore all over in a while. With Keith's help I managed to sit up and take the
pills he handed me.

"What time is it now?" I asked, rubbing my eyes and trying to bring myself
to fully wake up.

"Noon. Your appointment is at 2pm."

"Good. I gotta make some calls and stuff."

"Hey, don't ya think you should maybe take it easy?" He asked concerned and
I smiled at him.

"I gotta keep myself busy, K. You know me," I said and he chuckled.

"Just don't work yourself exhausted, ok?"

"I won't." I shook my head "I just can't have too much time on my hands. I'd
go up the walls. You know you've gotten the calm and collected genes out of
the pool."

"And you got the wacko and workaholic ones?" His eyes twinkled and we
laughed.

"Something like that."

"C'mon, go take your shower while I get some stuff together for you to eat."

"You guys spoil me too much." I grinned and he chuckled.

"The baby ones are always the spoiled ones." He winked and I glared at him.

"And you're so much older than me, huh? Oh, some... what? Three minutes?" I
stuck my tongue out at him.

"I'm still older." He stuck his tongue back at me and we chuckled "Go
shower, baby!" He patted my leg and got up, heading for the door. I got up
and lazily made my way to the bathroom. I managed to finish my business
there rather quickly. Considering how slow I was moving, half an hour was
quick for showering and shaving. I felt like shit but I'd be damned if that
kept me from doing what I had to do. It's not like it was the first time I
had woken up like this anyway.


~*~ JC ~*~

I had to gather all the patience I didn't have to endure all the work we had
to do that day. The fact that I had to gather all my strength to maybe call
Kevin at night didn't help any either. I kept trying to rehearse what I was
gonna tell him, how I should tell him. I couldn't just show up at his
doorstep. God knew that it didn't really work when I did it the day before.
But at the same time telephones could be so... cold. Add the fact that I was
dying to see Kevin again to that pile and that I was confused about how I
felt and I wasn't a very easy person to deal with. Justin rolled his eyes so
much at me that I started thinking that if he kept it up he'd risk losing
his eyes inside his head or something. Lance had to almost refrain Joey
physically once or else he'd have banged my head against a wall I think.
Lance restraining Joey physically, now that would be a comical scene.

When the day's work finally ended, I was a nervous wreck. Lance and Justin
kept telling me that I was doing the right thing but I had this wrenching
feeling in my gut that kept telling me that I'd have to do a lot more than
bat my eyelashes and pout to get Kevin to listen to me. Not that I would
listen to him if we were in each other's skin and he had done to me what I
had done to him.

"Big bad JC Chasez grovelling, now *that* is something new!"

I growled at Chris.

"Big bad?" Joey asked "Big bad? C'mon! JC is a furry kitten!"

"He's flexible like a kitten. But he just growled at me, kittens purr."

"You just gotta know where to scratch him to make him purr." He grinned
smugly.

"You talk like you know from personal experience..." Chris raised an eyebrow
and I pretended I wasn't listening to them. Whyyyyyyyy couldn't I be sharing
the car with Justin and Lance? They were nice people. And they didn't
associate me with animals. At least not in front of me.

"That's for me to know and for you, Christopher, to keep wondering!"

"Shut up! C'mon, JC, tell me Joey is joking! Even if to destroy the awful
visual I just have in my head!"

"Joe has good hands." I grinned and winked at Joey who laughed while Chris
gasped and made gagging noises.

"You just ruined my innocence for life!" Chris exclaimed and Joey nearly
rolled on the floor from laughing so hard "What?? Only JC can be the
innocent furry kitten?!"

"He has the skin for it."

"True. So so pale."

"Chris..."

"So so smooth looking."

"C'mon, Joe..."

"Like marble."

"Guys..."

"But prettier."

"Guys!"

"I didn't know marble gods could blush."

"Such pretty colours."

I closed my eyes. From tonight on I'd get my own car.


~*~ Kevin ~*~

"And just how is my baby, huh?"

"Mom!" I whined and she laughed as she hugged me. I hugged her for a while
longer as she tightened her arms around me.

"C'mon! Move it! I want my share of mommy-love too!" Keera complained and I
released mom so she could get her "share" too. We had a small tradition in
our family: every Monday and Wednesday we had dinner together at our
parents' house. I had always been shown that I was free to fly out of the
nest so to speak but knowing that the nest was there come what may gave me
security. I needed steadiness in my life. Some people may say that sounds
awfully boring. I say it sounds amazingly safe, thank you very much.

"Hey, dad." I hugged my father and he did the usual ruffling of my hair even
if I was now as tall as he was, if not more. Some things just never changed.

"How's it going? The club?"

"Everything running smoothly, dad," I said and I heard Keera oh so
discreetly clearing her throat, which caused both dad and mom to look at me.

"Is everything really ok?" mom asked as she felt for my forehead. Mom
instincts I guess.

"Yeah. I... Could we talk about it after dinner? Please?"

"Sure, dear." Mom smiled at me as she caressed my cheek "C'mon, we have
homemade Chinese food tonight," she said and we all laughed as Keith cheered
and ran for the kitchen. Do I have to say that Chinese is Keith's favourite
food? Didn't think so. We moved it to the dinning room where the food was
already on the table and each of us took our usual seats as we got up to
date on what had happened in the short time since we had last seen mom and
dad. Madeleine and Aaron. Picture perfect couple. The image of everything I
had once wanted for my life and almost achieved it. Almost.

Dinner was wonderful as usual and then we moved to the living room to resume
talking in a more comfortable place. Mom sat down on the couch and I laid
down on it with my head on her lap. Keera sat down on the floor in front of
dad's armchair (where he was sat stroking her long blonde hair) and Keith
laid down on the floor with his head on Keer's lap. After a while I saw
Keith pinch Keera's leg and she discreetly jumped before they gave mom and
dad the lame excuse of going to do the dishes. It was a very blunt "Kevin,
talk, now!" thing to do since we all knew how much Keera bloody hated
putting her perfectly manicured hands in soapy water and Keith would just
rinse the dishes a bit before filling up the dishwasher. I thought they had
better imagination than that. Saying that they were gonna go gaze at the
stars was more believable than that.

"You said you wanted to talk after dinner, son?" Dad asked as he came over
and sat on the edge of the couch I was lying on. I made motion to sit up but
he just pushed me back down. I rubbed my eyes and sighed tiredly before
clearing my throat.

"I... I just kind of had this... this... breakdown... thing... yesterday.
Just, I guess I scared Keera a bit too much." I smiled weakly as mom stroked
my hair.

"A breakdown?" mom asked in that patient tone she always used when she
wanted to get the whole story out of us. And we always fell for it even if
it got us in further trouble.

"That's highly unlike you..." dad said and I sighed again.

"There... there was this private party at the club, Saturday, and, well,
I... there's this guy, the one who asked me to help him organize the party
for his friend, he... we got kind of, I guess you could say close, you know,
he was fun to hang around and stuff... well, then, he... he kind of asked me
for lunch yesterday... and, we had a very good time, you know?" At this
point I had to sniffle and recollect myself, swallowing the lump in my
throat. God, it hurt so much. "But, then, he... he kissed me..." I whispered
and this time the sob I had been able to hold before left my throat "I...
well, I pushed him away and then I went home... that's when I kind of had
this yelling monologue and I lashed out on Keer and K before I collapsed
crying... God, crying sucks..." I let out a deep breath as I wiped my eyes
and sniffled "Then the guy, Josh, he... he went home and he kept, you know,
pushing and prodding and asking and... I... I kind of told him that, you
know, I'm HIV positive... actually I kind of yelled it at him..."

"And? What happened?" Mom asked as I tried to control myself again.

"He left," I whispered before sobbing again "Why does it have to hurt so
bad? Why me?" And mom cradled me to her chest as I sobbed and repeated the
whole why me ordeal while dad rubbed my back. I had been through that, and
put them through that, enough times that they didn't need to talk anymore,
they just showed me how much they cared. And, really, I didn't want anyone
telling me it would be ok, it would be alright, things would get better.
Because, honestly, it wouldn't be ok, it wouldn't be alright, things
wouldn't get better. Ever. They knew I just needed them there, assuring me
that no matter what, they'd always be there for me. Anytime I needed them.
And I knew that one day I'd need them to take care of me, since I wouldn't
be able to even get up, let alone take care of myself. It was scary and,
weirdly, at the same time, assuring.


~*~ Keera ~*~

It killed us to see Kevin like that. He'd always been this reckless, hyper,
non-stoppable guy, so much that sometimes it seemed like he had electricity
instead of blood in his veins. He still is like that. And I guess that's why
the fragile, vulnerable breakdowns always hit us so hard. He's always the
one who's there to listen to you, to hug you and wipe your tears. He's the
big-hearted, strong, sap one. And to see him in such a weakened state is
scary. It feels like the steady rock on which you seek support suddenly
starts moving down an endless pit and you go with it, free falling, since
you can't support yourself on your own.

He deserved so much more than he allowed himself to have.


TBC...

************
That's it! Am I boring you guys to death? I sure hope not since I even made
myself cry with this one. Not that much is needed to make me cry but I don't
usually do it while reading my own work :P
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