Date: Wed, 22 Aug 2001 07:09:13 +0000
From: Dannii Ree <raindrops79@hotmail.com>
Subject: "the love we have" chapter 5

Disclaimer: You know it, I know it... I wish I knew them, but I don't. This
is complete fiction.

Notes:  < ... > marks Justin's thoughts


Chapter 5 by Megan

About half and hour later, still watching the movie, Justin and JC were
lying beside each other on the bed.  Justin was trying to focus on the
movie, but couldn't seem to because of the warm body lying next to him.
That, and his mind kept going back to the picture of JC.  He wanted to look
at it again, but he didn't want JC to catch him staring at it.

Justin heard JC yawn a few times before saying, "do you want to go to bed?
Because if you do, I can leave."

"No!" JC exclaimed, and then blushed.  He hurriedly tried to cover up his
rushed statement.  "Uh, I mean, you can stay if you want.  It's ok."

Justin smiled at JC and then looked back at the TV.  There were a few
minutes of silence before JC asked, "can I ask you a question?"

"Uh, sure," Justin replied, hoping the question wouldn't be too
embarrassing.

"Why haven't you ever had a girlfriend?" JC asked simply, wondering why he
had the sudden urge to ask Justin that.

"Because the girls back in Tennessee didn't like me," Justin answered, not
sure how to explain.

"But how could they not like you?" JC questioned, propping his chin up in
his hand and looking at Justin.

"Um, I don't know.  They just didn't.  I'm actually surprised that you
think I'm worth getting to know," Justin admitted, looking away from JC.

"How can you say that, Justin?  I want to get to know you because you seem
like such a great person," JC told him.

"No one had ever told me that before, JC, that's why.  Well, except for my
mom, who doesn't really count," Justin replied.  "She the only woman who's
ever cared about me."

"Well, we're just going to have to change that," JC started, "tomorrow, if
you're not busy, I can bring you to meet some of my friends.  And then you
can show me your art, ok?"

"I'd like to meet your friends," Justin admitted, "but I don't know about
the art... I've never shown it to anyone but my mom."

"You don't have to show it to me, but I'd really like to see it.  I'm sure
it's great," JC commented, smiling at Justin.

"Fine, but I just hope you won't be disappointed," Justin said, already
nervous about showing JC his very private work.  <But if he likes it, maybe
he will let me paint him.> Justin thought to himself.  He knew he shouldn't
be thinking about JC while he was sitting right next to him, but he
couldn't help it.

His eyes strayed over to the wall with the picture of JC.  He knew that no
matter what he did that night, he wouldn't be able to get that picture out
of his mind.  <God, he is so gorgeous,> Justin thought, wishing that JC
didn't have a girlfriend.

Now that Justin thought about it, he knew that while they were talking
might be a good time to bring up the gay issue.  But he didn't know how.
He wasn't even sure if he wanted to talk to JC about it yet.  <Am I ready?>
he asked himself.

"Um, JC?" Justin asked, looking away from the picture.  When he looked over
towards JC, he found JC staring at him.

"Yeah?" JC replied, studying Justin's face.

"Can I ask you what your feelings are on a certain, uh, issue?" Justin
asked, trying to get the courage to ask JC how he felt about gay people.

"What do you mean?" JC asked, not sure what Justin meant.

"Um, how do you feel about homosexuals?" Justin finally asked, feeling a
little better, but worried that JC would get the wrong idea and assume that
he was gay.  <But am I?> Justin asked himself.  He still wasn't sure.

"Well, I'm not really sure.  My cousin told me he was gay a few months ago
and he isn't really any different than he was before he told me.  I don't
really think it's a big deal.  I mean, love is love no matter the gender,
right?" JC told Justin, wondering why Justin would ask a question like
that.

"Yeah, that's how I feel too," Justin agreed.

"Why do you ask?" JC asked.

"Well, no reason, really.  I was just wondering," Justin replied, hoping JC
would accept his answer and not press for more details.

"Cool," was all JC said.

"So are you sure you don't want to talk about Bobbee?" Justin asked,
wanting to change the subject.  He was excited that JC didn't hate gay
people, even though he wasn't sure if he was gay.  If he was, he was safe.
He didn't want his soon-to-be stepbrother to hate him.

"Well, I guess I could talk about her," JC replied, deciding that talking
about their fight might make him feel better.

"Ok, so what happened tonight?" Justin questioned, hoping that he wasn't
pushing too hard.

"We were at a club and I was dancing with some other girls and she was
jealous," JC explained, realizing how lame it sounded.

"That's why you guys were fighting?" Justin asked.

"Well, she accused me of cheating on her, which I'd never do by the way,
and that made me really mad.  And it wasn't the first time.  She gets
really jealous when another woman comes within a few feet of me," JC told
Justin.

"So why are you still with her?" Justin questioned, thinking that JC should
just leave her if she was so jealous.

"Well, I don't really know anymore.  I used to think I loved her and that's
why I still stayed with her.  But I really don't think I love her anymore.
I don't know what to do," JC admitted.

"You know what I think?" Justin said quietly.

"What?" JC asked, looking over at Justin curiously.

"I think you deserve better," Justin said, almost whispering.  "If she
doesn't believe that you aren't cheating on her, then how is there any
trust in the relationship?"

"Well, there isn't really," JC admitted, looking away from Justin.

"But the base of relationships is trust, you can't really have a
relationship without it," Justin said, defending his statement.

"You have very strong feelings about this, don't you?" JC questioned.

"Yeah, I guess I learned the hard way that you have to be able to trust
your friends.  Friends that you can't trust, aren't really friends at all,"
Justin explained and then he turned back to the movie again.

JC just smiled at Justin in admiration.  Justin was such a smart guy, and
he seemed to believe strongly in certain things.  All the right things.  JC
found himself wishing that he could find the qualities Justin had in a
girlfriend.

But why did he need a girlfriend when he had all of the qualities right
there in front of him?

TBC...
********************************************************************
Feedback is very appreciated:  Megan: jujuissecksi@hotmail.com
                               Dannii: raindrops79@hotmail.com