Date: Sun, 9 Sep 2001 23:01:13 EDT
From: MrClean290@aol.com
Subject: The Thing With Nick 10

Are yall liking this?  well either way i love writing this one, so ill keep
posting it

:)~Elisheva~


The thing with Nick
10

The thing with Nick is, he's completely unpredictable.

It's the tiny touches during interviews, and the sneaky ways he is able to
touch me during video shoots.  He thinks I don't notice the fingers that
remain on my sleeve for a just a moment too long and the "accidental" bumps
as we push our way through crowded hallways.  He thinks I don't care about
how he will go out clubbing with me even when is dead tired, just so he can
look at my grinding hips and dream of pleasurable things.  I notice, how
could I not?  The lust clouded looks his sea blue eyes convey when my hips
brush up against another's I even see the tiny tinges of jealousy when AJ
puts his hands on my hips and holds me close.  I see Nick turn away from us
and stare into his drink.  For some reason, I take comfort in the jealousy.

AJ's hands roam my body.  I know what he wants.  Because I want it too.  As
unbelievable as my own thoughts are, I want it, I need it.  I need to feel
his nails scrape down my back, I need to feel him thrust in and out of my
body as my come seeps between the skin that separates us.  I need to cry
out at the end of the orgasm as he whispers 'I love you,' in my ear.

Three beers and two rides around the block in the limo later, I cry.  But
there are no I love you's whispered in my ear.

	" I'm sorry."  Is all I hear.  And for the first time, it is his
tears that cloud my vision.
	" Don't be, we both did this."
	" No, Howie, you didn't want this."
	" Of course I did, what makes you think otherwise."
	" Because now I know it's truly over between us."
	"Alex, what the fuck are you talking about?  We just had an amazing
fuck."
	" Howie-."
	" What?  Look, if this is about Nick, I don't know what we are.  He
says these things, but I'm not ready to trust again, or love again, and I
don't know-."
	" I know."
	" You know what?"
	" Howie, us, we, we never made sense."
	" We did in the beginning didn't we?"
	" No, even then you wanted to be in a safe relationship, so I tried
to give you that mentality.  But you broke through, the real Howie began to
show and I couldn't hold in who the real Alex was. I ignored the feelings I
had for you, and because I was scared of wanting that safety, I did
everything in my power to drive you into what I had, not safe, not love."
	" Alex, you don't-."
	" I do, Jesus!  I do, and if someone doesn't knock some sense into
you you're gonna lose the best thing that will ever enter your life."
	" Nick isn't-."
	" Here?"
	" What?"
	" Howie, I love you.  I always have and I probably always will.  I
slept with Nick, I saw you, funny thing is, he did too.  But, Howie,
tonight, as I saw you, you saw Nick."
	" Alex, you're drunk and I have no idea what the fuck you're
talking about."
	" Nick!  You called out Nick as we fucked, made love, had sex!  Any
way you put it, you called out his name, you love him.  You trust him, you
want him.  You want him."
	" No, AJ, I-."

I felt his lips on my forehead as he opened the limo door and walked into
the hotel.

I felt the tears of unheard I love you's wash over my face in a heated sob.

I felt the buzz of my phone in my jacket.

I heard tears, not unlike my own.

The thing with Nick is, when he cries, I cry too.

~~~
its short, i know, but i think 11 is longer, itll b out in a couple days
feedback? MrClean290@aol.com