Date: Mon, 1 Mar 2004 23:24:36 -0500
From: Thack <thack98@mindspring.com>
Subject: What I Feel For You Scene 140-142

The legal stuff:  This is a sexually explicit story
involving homosexuality.  Do not continue if this will
offend you.  By continuing, you implicitly declare and
affirm under penalties of perjury that you are not a minor
or in the company of a minor and are entitled to have access
to sexually explicit material.  The content and opinions
expressed in this story do not imply anything with regard to
the sexual preference of any member of 98 Degrees or other
celebrities named herein.  This is a work of fiction
entirely.

Hey, everyone.  Thanks for tuning in.  Two and a half years
ago I upended my life and moved 1,200 miles.  It's time
again.  This time it's just 3 hours away but I've leaving
almost everyone I love to go to grad school.  It's scary,
but in a good way.  But.I will be in school part-time and
working part-time so I may end up writing more.  I probably
couldn't post less, so it's a bonus to anyone that cares.
Have fun.

Scene 140

It was only a few moments after Jeff made his announcement
and the three of us were sitting in silence.  I glanced over
at Mike.  He was doing okay, but I could still see the
slightest hint of a bewildered look on his face.  He may
have known I was gay before I said it but I think Jeff had
certainly caught him off guard.  He had, to his credit,
responded like the compassionate man that I knew him to be,
but I could tell he was still a little stunned.

Then I looked up at Jeff.  He was standing next to the
window gazing out at the deep blue sky.  I sighed, not
really sure what, if anything, I should say.

"You have to see this," Justin said as he raced into the
room and clicked on the TV.

"But." Mike started.  "Something just happened in here
Justin.  This isn't the best time."

I had to laugh.  Clearly I was right in assuming that Mike
was caught off guard by Jeff because he couldn't seem to get
his words straight.

"We're in the middle of something," I said to Justin, trying
to get Mike off the hook and keep him from outing Jeff in
the process.

"No, it's important."

I shrugged, which was a motion I could now make pain-free
and looked up at the TV.  I immediately recognized Carson
Daly on MTV.  Jeff and Mike turned to see what was going on.

"Welcome back to the studio," he said amongst the screams of
very young looking people.  "Thanks for tuning into Total
Request Live.  Just a few days ago we reported some very bad
news about Drew Lachey from '98 Degrees'.  As you may
recall, Drew was involved in a serious auto accident in
Hawaii.  If you've been following the story, you may also
have heard that his prognosis was grim, to say the least.
But, we do have a bit of good news to pass along.  I'm
joined on the phone with Drew's brother Nick."

I looked over at Justin who was grinning like a Cheshire
cat.

"Is this live?" I asked, not sure about the time difference
from New York to Hawaii.  I also was unsure as to exactly
what time it was anyway.

"No, tape delay," he said.  "Nick did this a couple hours
ago."

"Please welcome Nick Lachey," Carson introduced.

I heard Nick's voice on a telephone amid nervous clapping
from the studio audience.

"Hey, Carson," Nick said.  "It's good to talk to you."

"And you, as well, my man.  What's the good news you have
for us?"

"Well," Nick started.  "As you said, Drew wasn't doing very
well.  In fact, he wasn't expected to.well, he wasn't going
to make it."  The crowd behind Carson looked as though they
had lost a family member.  "But," Nick continued, "a miracle
happened and somehow he pulled it out."

"So, he's going to be okay?"

"It looks that way, Carson."

"That is just fantastic news.  I can't tell you how happy I
am for you."

"Well, just yesterday Jeff was in with him and out of the
blue Drew woke up.  And that wasn't expected."

"And Jeff would be the same Jeff from your group."

"Yeah, all the guys are here, of course.  They're all family
to me and Drew."

"And the doctors didn't expect Drew to wake up?"

"No.  They told us it was only a matter of time before he
gave up but there's still live left in the little guy.  I
mean, he's a long way from being back to normal.  He's
definitely hooked up to lots of machines and tubes but I was
able to communicate with him just a little while ago and he
seems to understand everything that's going on around him."

"That's just amazing.  And I understand that another person
close to the group was involved in the accident?"

"Yeah, after the Pro Bowl show we all split up for a short
vacation before the tour started.  And actually, the tour
was supposed to start tonight in LA.  Jeff and I went to LA.
Justin was on his way home to Cincinnati.  Drew and our
travel manager Alex went to the Big Island here in Hawaii
for some R and R."

"And that's were the accident occurred?"

"Yeah," Nick sighed.  "Did you get a chance to meet Alex at
New Year's Eve Carson?"

"No, I didn't but Jeff was talking about him."

I smiled to myself, thinking back at how rough that night
was for all of us.  I also smiled at the fact that Carson
Daly and Nick were having a conversation on MTV about me.

"Well, Alex was with Drew in the jeep when it flipped.
According to the paramedics, Alex was the one reason Drew
survived at all.  Alex stopped the bleeding just in time.
We don't really know what happened out there to be honest.
Alex doesn't remember the accident and Drew has been
unconscious until yesterday.  Right now Drew can't talk.
He's still in critical condition.  We may never know exactly
what happened but the EMTs were certain that it was Alex
that saved Drew's life."

"That's quite a story, Nick."

"It is.  He's quite a guy, though."

"How is he?"

"He's doing okay.  He has a badly broken leg and is
suffering from some memory loss but he's out of danger."

It hit me hard when Nick said that because I never knew was
in any danger.  Maybe they didn't tell me that part or I
simply forgot about it.

"I'm outside Alex's room in the waiting area.  I'm probably
gonna get in trouble for being on my cell phone in here,"
Nick laughed.

"Well, don't get yourself in trouble."

"No worries, Carson.  Nothing could bring me down right now.
I got my brother back today."

Carson paused a moment and let Nick's words sink in.  The
camera showed a young girl who was crying.  It was a good
thing to see because it meant people cared about Drew.

"Well, this may come off sounding trite, but you guys have
been good to us here at TRL and MTV," Carson said. "We did
just see you at the New Year's Eve show so it was a shock to
hear about your brother.  I can't tell you how happy I am to
hear he's gonna pull through.  Thank you for calling and
updating us on Drew's condition.  He'll be in all our
thoughts and prayers."

"Thanks, Carson.  And thank you to all our fans out there,"
Nick said as he hung up.

"Some very good news about the condition of Drew Lachey,"
Carson said.  "Obviously the tour that was to start tonight
has been postponed indefinitely, but I don't think anyone
cares about that right now.  It was tough news to hear
earlier this week and the fact that Drew woke up is truly a
miracle.  I want to thank Nick for calling in and updating
all of us."

Justin flipped off the TV and looked at me.

"Thanks," I said.

"No problem, Chief."

Scene 141

"So what happens now?"

"I don't know," I responded.

Mike looked over at me and shrugged.  It had only been about
an hour since he had witnessed Jeff kissing me.  After
Justin had burst into the room to turn on MTV, he and Jeff
exited.  Jeff was acting as if nothing had happened, a sign
that he wasn't ready to tell Justin about everything.

"Part of it depends on Jeff.  And part of it depends on
Drew."

"How so?"

"Well, if Jeff isn't ready to come out then I'm not going to
force his hand.  It just depends if Drew remembers what Jeff
said to him."

"But he was in a coma, Alex."

"Maybe," I said.

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

He glared at me, knowing I was evading his question.

"Sorry," I smiled.  "You're asking about my feelings for
Jeff?"

He nodded.

"This one isn't so simple, Mike.  I love him but not really
the same way as I love Drew."  I stopped for a moment, a
little sickened at way I casually said that sentence.
"Granted I did have certain feelings for him when I first
met him."

"You thought he was hot," Mike laughed.

"Of course," I said as I turned bright red from
embarrassment.  "But as time went on I got to know him.
There are times I feel like I know Jeff better than I know
Drew.  Jeff has told me more about himself.  He's opened up
to me in a way that Drew hasn't.  But it's not really a
question of who I know better."

"Did you kiss him back?"

"Jeff?  No."

"Would you have if I wasn't in the room?"

"No."

The conversation ended right about there.  We talked for a
few more minutes but nothing more was really said.  Mike
left me to take a nap, which I welcomed.  Sleep didn't come
easily, however, and I said laid there mulling over
everything that had happened that day.  Eventually I did
manage to fall asleep.

"How long have you been there?" I asked, looking up at Nick
standing in the doorway as I yawned.

"Not long.  You seem a little out of it."

"Just sort of dozing off, I guess.  Trying to figure
something out."

"Well, your doctor said that if you were up for it you could
go visit Drew.  He said the traction for your leg isn't
really necessary any longer."  He paused, but only
momentarily.  "But, if you're tired it can wait until
tomorrow.  Drew would be so happy to see you.  I didn't tell
him you could visit, though.  I mean, if you're tired."

"Nick!"

"What?"

"Of course I want to see him."

Nick smiled at me but I could sense he was a little nervous
about something.

"What?" I asked.

He walked over and sat on the side of my bed.

"He's pretty messed up, Alex.  It's not a pretty sight right
now.  I mean he's like you were at first; a little out of it
because of the drugs.  Plus he's hooked up on all sorts of
machines."

"It's fine, Nick."

"But, Alex.  He doesn't look the same.  He's all cut up and
bruised.  He can't talk right now.  He seems to know what's
going on but even after they took the tube out of his mouth
he still doesn't have a voice."

"It's okay, Nick."

"He doesn't look like Drew any more."

A flash of fear flew through Nick's eyes when he said it.  I
wanted to ask more questions but I knew Nick wasn't ready
for that.  I reached out and grabbed his arm.  Even though
he must have seen me reaching for him, he flinched a little
when I touched him.  In that moment I saw just how much Nick
had taken on.  He always had been and he always would be the
strong one.

Scene 142

Nick pushed me in the wheelchair, my broken leg jutting
straight out in front of us.  He was supposed to wait for an
aid to help him get me into the chair but he hadn't.  The
nurse had come by and unhinged me from the traction.  Even
though I couldn't move my leg at all, it was good to have it
in a different position.  My hip had become very sore from
the awkward angle I had been at.  Without much thought, Nick
massaged the side of my hip when he saw the pain I was in.

"You're family, Alex," was his only comment.

After waiting at least twenty minutes he asked me if he
could get me into the wheelchair by himself.  Knowing he
would never drop me, I agreed.  It hurt a lot more than I
had expected but I took a couple of deep breaths to fight
off the nausea and we were on our way.

"Remember what I said," Nick whispered when we were outside
Drew's room.  "He's not going to look like you remember
him."

"Nick," I sighed, "the last time I saw him he was covered in
blood.  I'm sure he looks better now."

Nick didn't comment, simply opening the door and pushing me
into the room.  The first thing I saw was Cate sitting to
the side of the bed, quietly reading the paper.  She looked
up and smiled at us.  Only then did I notice Drew.  He was
lying in bed, surrounded by a collection of machines.

Nick wheeled me closer and I knew I should say something to
Cate but my eyes never left Drew.  Nick had been right; Drew
wasn't the same person I remembered him to be.  He looked so
small right then.  His face was a collection of cuts and
bruises and his hair was longer than I've ever seen.

"Mom, do you think you could give us a minute?"

"Of course, honey."

Before Cate left the room she walked over and gently hugged
me.

"Thank you," she whispered.

I smiled, wondering how much she knew about Jeff's talk with
Drew.  It's something I've never asked her about.

Nick slid me up as close to the bed as possible.  Then he
walked around to the other side.  Tentatively, I reached up
and took hold of Drew's left hand.  It felt much warmer than
I thought it would.

"Little bro?" Nick said softly as he carefully touched
Drew's shoulder.  "Wake up, little man."

Drew's eyes flashed open and fixated on Nick.  I could see
his mind working as he realized someone else was in the room
and holding his hand.  His eyes slowly moved from Nick to
me.  When it clicked, he tried to grasp my hand and I felt a
surge of life come through him.   That's the best way I know
to explain it.  It's something I've never felt before.  It
was as if he was hadn't truly believed I was alive after the
accident until that moment.  I don't know how long it was,
but soon after I saw him begin to cry.

"Oh, Drew.  Don't cry, honey."

All of my emotions finally gave way and I also started to
cry.  At that point I had no idea how many days it had been
since the accident.  Whatever it was, it seemed like an
eternity.  The last time I had touched Drew was when I was
holding him in my arms in the middle of a desolate lava
field.  Part of me even believed that I would never touch
him again.  All of the fighting and anger disappeared in an
instant and I was with the man I loved.

"I wish I could kiss you," I said, frustrated that my leg
was keeping me at a distance.

"There's plenty of time for that," Nick laughed.

"Are you still here?" I asked as I tried to stop the tears.

"Nice, Jackson!  I spring you from your bed and you want
privacy with my brother?"

His grin was wide as he turned and walked out of the room.
I focused my attention on Drew.  He seemed to be doing a
better job at not crying.

"Honey, I know you can't talk right now.  But I want you
know that I love you.  We'll make you better."

I looked down at Drew and smiled.  I felt his hand squeeze
mine.  I knew what I had to do.  I knew who I was meant to
be with.  Fate had brought us together and I wasn't going to
try to stop it.

"I love you, Drew."

To be continued..

Feedback:  thack98@mindspring.com