Date: Mon, 10 Jun 2002 15:26:33 -0400
From: Thack <thack98@mindspring.com>
Subject: What I Feel For You 52-58

Do not break any laws by reading this.  If you are in doubt if you are
breaking a law, stop reading.  That means if you are under age, stop now and
visit an educational site.  Any questions?  If so, please read the
disclaimer on the first installments.  Also, remember this is fiction.

I'll avoid any philosophical musing this time.  Thanks for reading.  To
those of you who have emailed me, I do appreciate it.

Jase, I love you.

Send feedback to thack98@mindspring.com

Thack


Scene 52


Since Drew was still lying on top of me, I couldn't see who was standing in
the doorway.  All I could see was Drew's face, which was just inches from
mine.  The joy I had seen just moments ago had disappeared.  Clearly he
knew the voice because I could the embarrassment in his eyes.

As he rolled off of me I got a clear view of the door.  Standing in front
of Nick was a petite woman with beautiful blond hair.  She had a radiant
smile.  Nick had his hands planted on her shoulders.  He, too, had a wide
grin.

"Jess!" Drew called out as he struggled to stand up.  Suddenly he realized
what she walked in on and the embarrassment registered again.  "Oh, Jess.
But I thought you couldn't be here."

"I wasn't supposed to be here, but Nick somehow worked it out."

"That's who I wanted you to meet," Nick chuckled, looking down at me also.
"Jess, this is Alex."

Jess looked down at me and smiled.

"Pleasure to meet you," I laughed, still lying flat on my back and making
no attempt to get up.

"The pleasure's all mine," she smiled.

Still a bit dazed at the turn of events, I simply laid there taking
everything in.  Just moments ago I had confessed my love to Drew and now I
was surrounded by Nick and his girlfriend.

"Get up!" Drew commanded, gently kicking me in the side.  He looked down at
me and glared.  I wasn't sure what I was doing wrong but I stood up as
quickly as possible.

Drew turned his attention to Jessica.  The silence in the room was
deafening.  Although I didn't know the reason, I could feel a heavy tension
in the air.

"Come here, Sprout," Jess said, reaching out to Drew.  He hesitantly walked
forward and she grabbed him and hugged him.  It looked funny.  This tiny
girl had her arms wrapped around Drew.  Even without seeing his face, I
could tell he was relieved.  "Let's go somewhere and talk, okay?  I'm sure
Nick can preoccupy Alex until you get back."

As they walked out of the room, Nick reached over and tousled his brother's
hair, which prompted Drew to playfully punch him.  It was a touching
display of sibling affection.

"It's good to see you," I said after they had left.

"You, too," he said as he pulled me into a hug.  Not to take anything away
from Drew, but Nick gives the best hugs.  I always feel safe in his arms.

"So, what was that all about?  I swear it looked like Drew was going to
kill me if I didn't get up."

"That," Nick said, "was a classic display of my little brother's
insecurities."

"Be nice," I warned.  "He has some very legitimate reasons to feel that
way."

"I know, but not in this case."

"What's going on?"

"He and I were talking last week," Nick began, "and the subject of Jess
came up.  He said he knew that I tell Jess everything.  He was worried I
would tell her that he's gay."

"You wouldn't do that, would you?"

"No.  At least not intentionally.  But she knew that Drew and I were having
some problems.  When I told her I couldn't tell her why she got suspicious.
She's great at reading people and I think she was beginning to figure it
out."

"How did she manage that?"

"After he broke up with Lea she started to put two and two together.  After
all, you don't just call off an engagement for no reason."

"They were engaged?"

"Sorry," he said, reaching out to touch my shoulder.  "I thought you knew."

"He didn't tell me that.  I guess I'm not surprised.  He still loves her,
that pretty apparent."

"Don't go reading anything into that, Alex.  You're right.  He is still in
love with her but it's not the same.  I've never seen him like he is with
you.  Jess picked up on that."

"So did Drew come out to her?" I asked.

"I tried to get him to do it.  I could tell he really wanted to, but he
wouldn't.  He was afraid she wouldn't accept him.  In the end, he told me I
could tell her."

"And did you?"

"Of course.  It's what he wanted.  And, she took it in stride.  It's not a
big deal to her.  She absolutely adores my cousin, Matt.  I told that to
Drew but you know him.  Or, at least, you will," he smiled.  "If he has it
in his head that something is going to be a problem, he'll make it one
despite any evidence to the contrary.  I told him Jess was cool with it but
he didn't exactly believe me.  That's why I didn't tell him she'd be here.
And I didn't really know she'd be able to make it until yesterday.  I
didn't want to tell Drew because he was already freaking out over seeing
you."

"Really?  Did he tell you that?"

"Not exactly.  He and I still aren't back where we used to be.  Like I
said, if Drew wants something to be a problem, he'll make it one.  It'll
get better.  I think he just needs a little more time.  I worry about him
but I do have a couple of spies who keep me informed about the workings of
my brother's mind."

"Hmm," I said.  "Might that be Jeff and Justin?"

"Who else?" he laughed.  "They're in the living room, if you want to see
them.  But before you go out there, you may want to fix your hair and
buckle up your belt."

I could feel myself blush as I tucked in my shirt and fastened my belt.

"And maybe," Nick continued.  "Maybe next time you should lock the door.  I
don't think I ever want to see my baby brother like that."

"Nick," I said, suddenly very serious.  "It's not what you think.  Nothing
happened."

"It was just a joke.  I know Drew doesn't believe me but I thought you did.
I'm really okay with you seeing him.  He loves you."

"And I love him."

My words caught Nick off guard.  He looked at me and studied my face.

"You do?"

"I told him this afternoon."

"Good," he said.  "It's about time."

"What?"

"Even with everything that happened there, I saw it in Florida.  I'm glad
you could finally say it."

"Why is it that I was the last one to know I was falling in love with him?
The second I got back home from being in Florida Mike was insisting I was
in love."

"Don't ask me to explain love.  I may sing about it and write songs about
it but I don't have any answers for you."

I shrugged my shoulders, not knowing what to say.

"Come on," he said, "let's go see Jeff and Justin."

I sighed and walked to the door.  Nick followed me, placing his hands on my
shoulders, gently squeezing them.

"Welcome to the family," he whispered.


Scene 53


"Look what I found," Nick announced as we walked into the living room.

"Hey, Prez!" Justin called out.

"Prez?" I questioned.  I knew Justin had a rather colorful vocabulary but
this one I didn't get.

"You know, like the President.  Alexander Jackson."

Jeff and I burst into laughter while Justin and Nick tried to figure out
what was so funny.

"Wrong!" Jeff practically yelled.  "It was Andrew Jackson, the seventh
President of the United States."

"Impressive," I commented to Jeff.

"Thank you very much."

"Any time."

"Enough, already," Justin broke in.  "So I didn't pay attention in social
studies."

"It's cool," I said as I walked over to where they were sitting.  "I've
never really had a nickname before."

"Really?" Justin asked.  "We can do better than that.  Let me think about
it."

I rolled my eyes, not sure I wanted Justin to saddle me with a nickname.
After all, Drew was "Sprout", Jeff was "Sugar", and Nick was occasionally
known as "Hollywood".  Perhaps the best (or worst depending on your point
of view) was Justin's: "Big J".

I sat down on the couch between Jeff and Justin.  Justin reached out and
shook my hand, while Jeff leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.  I tried
not to, but I'm sure I blushed.

"So where is your better half?" Justin asked me.

"He's talking to Jess," Nick said.

"So is this 'the talk'?" Jeff asked.

Nick chuckled.  "From what I could tell it is."

"Is he that worried about how she'll react?" I asked.

"You have to learn something about Drew," Justin said.  "He needs to be in
control.  He's the one who is always keeping us on schedule and making sure
we have everything we need.  When things get out of whack he has the
tendency to stress about it."

"But he can't control how other people feel about him," I said.

"Of course not," Jeff agreed.  "But that's something he has learn on his
own."

For a moment I thought back to when I had just came out.  I may not have
ever been someone who always needs to be in control like Drew, but I
certainly got stressed out over how people thought of me.

"Well," Nick said.  "In this case we have nothing to worry about.  Jess
loves him and I honestly believe that it's not a big deal to her."  He
looked at me.  "I mean, it is a big deal because it's who he is but it's
not to her.  Does that make any sense?"

"Of course it does.  I know what you mean."

"I hate to break up this meeting of the brain trust," Justin chimed in.
"But if we are going to make it to dinner on time we should probably start
getting ready.  Nick, you should try to get Jess and Drew ready.  You're
coming, aren't you, Alex?"

"Of course.  I just have to go back to my room to get changed.  What should
I wear?"

"We're going to the Morton's.  It's a coat and tie place, if you brought
it."

"Yeah, I'm fine.  I'll be back soon," I said as I stood up.

"Wait a minute, Alex," Jeff called out.  "I need some fashion advice.  Do
you mind coming to my room with me?"

"Sure," I said, hesitantly, certain there was an ulterior motive here.  Of
any of them, Jeff was the last one who needed clothing advice.  He always
looked like a runway model when he went out.

"What gives?" I asked when we got to his room.  "You've seen my wardrobe.
I don't think I can help you."

Jeff shut the door behind him.  He walked over to me and pulled me into a
hug.  I was surprised but I hugged him back.  He held me in the embrace for
a long time.

"I'm so glad you're okay," he whispered.

"What do you mean?" I asked once he let go.

"The test."

It suddenly dawned on me that Jeff was referring to my HIV test.  Instantly
I felt a wave of guilt pass through me.  Jeff must have been concerned
about my HIV status.  Of course, both Nick and I knew that I was okay, but
Jeff, Justin, and Drew did not.  I felt horrible.  If I had been honest
with Jeff about being a virgin, it never would have been an issue.

"I was worried," he said.

"You really shouldn't have been."

"Why not?"

"You just shouldn't have, that's all."

For a split second I thought of telling Jeff the truth.  My mind quickly
weighed the options.  I didn't want to deceive him, but if I told him then
he might have thought I didn't trust him with the information.  I felt
caught.  I knew that the last thing I should have been doing was hiding the
truth from Jeff.  I trusted him.

"I wanted to call you," Jeff said.  "But I didn't know if Nick had told you
he had talked to me about it.  I didn't want you thinking I was trying to
pry into your private life."

"I wouldn't have thought that, Jeff.  You've been more of a friend to me
than you probably realize.  I'm sorry I lied to you.  I don't want to make
a habit of it."

"How did you lie to me?" he asked.

"I just.it's nothing.  I don't want to make it a bigger deal than it is.
I'm touched that you were worried about me.  I don't have many people who
do that for me.  The bottom line is that I'm okay.  I'm healthy and there's
no reason to think that will change."

"Good," he smiled.  "You know I'm not the only one who worries about you."

"Are you thinking of one person in particular?"

"Well, we all do.  But if you want to get specific I can narrow the list
down to one name."

"Something happened this afternoon, Jeff.  It's pretty big."

"What?"

I paused, partially for dramatic effect and partially because it felt funny
to say out loud.

"I told Drew that I love him."

"Good," he said.  "It's about time."

A feeling of d‚j… vu struck me.

"Jesus!" I cried out.  "You, too?  Did everyone on the planet know I was in
love before me?"

"Probably," Jeff laughed.  "I take it Drew was happy to hear this news."

I couldn't help but grin, thinking of how Drew and I ended up falling off
the bed earlier.

"Get some action?" Jeff asked.

"Jeff Timmons!" I yelled.

"Okay. Okay.  Question withdrawn," he laughed.

I could feel myself turning a bright red.  Oddly enough, I could also feel
my dick begin to rise slightly just thinking about being with Drew.  I
quickly thought of some unpleasant thought and everything returned to
normal.

"So," Jeff began, "do you want dress to impress your man?"

"Huh?"

"I'm not knocking your wardrobe.  Really, I'm not, but I think we can do
better right here.  I went on a little buying spree this afternoon with
Justin.  I bought something that would look great on you.  You're a little
taller than me but I still think it will fit you.  Are you game?"

"I guess I am," I said in a mock-serious tone.  "That is, after I get over
the insult.  I thought I dress pretty well."

"Alex, no!  I didn't mean to."

"I'm kidding," I laughed.

"Okay, then," he said.  "Take off your clothes."


Scene 54


I was skeptical when Jeff brought up the idea but I had to admit I looked
pretty good.  It definitely wasn't something I would have ever picked out
for myself.  In fact, I couldn't even afford the clothes I had on.  The
Armani suit I was wearing probably cost more than one of my paychecks.
Jeff had tried to give it to me, but I only agreed to wear it if he lent it
to me.

It was quite an outfit.  The suit itself was a deep charcoal gray.  It had
a subtle texture to the fabric that made it feel almost like suede.  The
jacket was the three-button style.  It fit amazingly well, considering it
wasn't altered for me.  To me, Jeff seems so much more muscular than me but
maybe I'd been underestimating myself.  Fortunately I did have a good upper
body because the shirt Jeff had me wearing left absolutely nothing to the
imagination.  It was pretty much a see-through black shirt.  When he handed
it to me I immediately balked but he somehow managed to coax me into
wearing it.  It went perfectly with the suit and it was perfect for Vegas.
The outfit was a blend of sophistication and daring.

"Damn!  That looks good on you," he commented as he came out of the
bathroom.

"Thanks," I said, blushing.  "You don't look half bad yourself."

Jeff had on a black suit with a maroon shirt and tie that resembled
something that Regis would wear on Millionaire.  He looked like he had just
stepped out of the pages of a fashion magazine.

"Come on," he said.  "Let's go see if everyone's ready."

We walked out to the living room and I saw everyone except Drew.  I
immediately noticed Jessica.  She was wearing an incredible dress that made
her look like a movie star.  Nick and Justin were also dressed nicely but I
soon found out I was the one who would be getting all the attention.

"Whoa!" Nick practically shouted.  "Jeff, what did you do to Alex?"

"That's it," I said, turning to go back to Jeff's room.  "I'm going to
change."

"Don't you dare," Jess commanded.  "You look incredible.  It's very sexy."

"I won't comment on that," Nick smiled, "but you do look great.  It's just
very different than how any of us have seen you.  But, hey.  This is
Vegas."

"And Drew is going to love it," Jess added.

"Love what?"

Drew had just walked in behind me.  He was standing beside Jeff.  I don't
know if he could see me at all, but I knew he couldn't see the shirt I was
wearing.  I took a deep breath and slowly turned so he could see the entire
outfit.  I offered up a small smile, hoping he would approve of my new, yet
ephemeral look.

"Oh my God!" he said.  "Alex?"

"Who else would it be you knucklehead?" Justin laughed.

"You look incredible!"

I suddenly realized I was the center of attention, which is nothing I ever
enjoy.  I could feel my face getting red and I was certain it would soon
match Jeff's shirt.  Fortunately, Jeff picked up on my sudden embarrassment
and jumped in to save me.

"Nick,' he said, "don't you think we should be going?"

"Yeah, we're going to be late."

Nick held out his arm for Jess and they walked to the door.  Justin made a
similar move and Jeff scampered past me to join him.  The two guys giggled
like schoolgirls as they mocked Nick and Jess.  That left me and Drew to
follow.

"You look so incredible," Drew said softly so that only I could hear.  "Not
that you don't always."

"Thanks," I whispered back.  "You have Jeff to thank for this.  I never
would have done it without his coaxing.  It's not really me."

"Good.  I don't want any other guys seeing you dressed like that when I'm
not around."

"Don't worry, Drew.  I only have eyes for you."

He tried valiantly but he couldn't stifle the laughter.  Seconds later I
joined him.

"Did I really just say that?" I asked.

Jeff and Justin were about five paces ahead of us as we walked down the
hall to the elevator.  In unison they both turned and said, "Yes, you did."

"Hey!" Drew said, coming to my rescue.  "Mind your own business.  You're
just jealous because you've only got each other tonight."

Surprisingly, neither of them had a snappy comeback.

Once we made our way to lobby, we discovered that Nick had arranged for an
SUV.  As he climbed behind the wheel he commented that he didn't want to
worry about getting a limo.  I'm sure everyone I was with but me had made a
decision like that before at some point in their lives.  I merely smiled;
amazed at the company I was keeping.  Nick seemed to know the town pretty
well because he took a back route to the restaurant, avoiding the traffic
jam that always happens on the Strip.  We got to the restaurant in no time.
Morton's of Chicago is a high-end chain of steakhouses.  Although there is
one in Minneapolis, I had never eaten there.

"I didn't know we were going to Morton's," Drew commented from the seat
beside me.  "Are you okay with that?"

I was immediately touched by Drew's question.  Over lunch I had explained
to him about my diet.  I wasn't on a "diet" but rather I used the term to
describe what I let myself eat.  For health reasons I choose to elminate
red meat and pork from my food choices.

"It's okay," I offered.  "I knew we were coming here.  I'm sure there will
be at least one chicken or fish entr‚e."

"Did I hear you right?" Jessica asked from the front seat.  "You don't eat
steak?"

"Actually, no."

"Well, I hope you're not offended by it.  You've got four Midwesterners and
a Texas girl here."

"No problem," I laughed.  "As long as Drew promises to brush his teeth.  I
don't really want to kiss a cow."

Everyone laughed except Drew.

"I think I should be offended by that," he announced.  "But, I'm not really
sure."

I laughed and kissed him on the cheek.  In the darkness of the car, I also
reached out and squeezed his thigh.  He grinned that devilish smile of his
but he couldn't do anything else because the valet had just opened his
door.  We all piled out and went inside.

"Welcome to Morton's, Mr. Lachey," the host said to Nick as we entered.
"Please follow me."

I don't know what made me think of it at the time, but I was struck at how
strange it must be to be famous.  Everywhere the guys go they are known.
Just from the short time I had known them, I had begun to doubt people's
intentions when I was with them.  It kind of bothered me but it seemed like
everywhere they went there was another long lost friend waiting to greet
them.  I wondered how they could tell the difference between people who
genuinely wanted to know them and the ones who just wanted to be around the
fame.  I also wondered if they ever questioned my intentions.

We were escorted back to a small private dining room.  Judging by the size,
it probably could fit about 12 to 15 people in it.  In the center was a
beautifully set table with pressed white linen tablecloths.  We took our
seats and I ended up sitting at the head of the table.  To my left was Drew
and my right was Jess.

The waiter came in to take our drink orders, interrupting the small talk at
the table.  Jess and I didn't order anything alcoholic, but everyone else
did.  Since Jess was only 20 she couldn't drink.  I was a little surprised
that Nick ordered a bottle of wine for everyone else.

"Are you ready to order?" the waiter asked.  "Or, do you need more time?"

"No," Nick said.  "I think we're ready."

To no one's surprise, everyone except me ordered a steak.

"Farm raised salmon?" I questioned the waiter.  "Is that something like a
free-range chicken?"

"Something like that," he smiled.  "It's a salmon that was grown at a fish
farm without any natural predators."

"Except us," I smiled.

"Right."

"I'll take that, thanks."

The waiter left, closing the door behind him and giving us total privacy.

"So," Jessica began, looking at Drew and me.  "I want to hear how the happy
couple met."

"Aren't we being forward," I laughed.

"What?"

"I don't know.  It's just that until this afternoon I didn't even know we
were a couple.  Plus, I have to admit I'm a bit surprised at how
comfortable you are with it."

"Why is that?" Nick asked.

"Perception, maybe.  Preconceived ideas?  I know it's not really fair, but
I tend to stereotype Southerners as being not very open-minded.  And, Jess,
I know you are pretty religious."

"Just because I go to church doesn't mean I wouldn't accept you, Alex.  Of
course, not everyone in my Baptist church would agree with me, but I
believe God made you who you are and the work of God is precious to me.  I
haven't always been so accepting, but it gets easier when you love someone
who is gay."

At first I thought she was referring to Drew, but it dawned on me that she
had just found out Drew was gay a couple of weeks ago.

"Matt," Drew said, reading my confusion.

"Right," she said.  "I've known their cousin Matt for some time now.  I
wasn't sure how I felt about him at first, but when I saw how much Nick and
Drew love him it was pretty simple."

I smiled and thought that I needed to meet Matt.

"So," Jeff said from the opposite end of the table, "are you going to tell
her how you met or what?  Since I masterminded the whole thing I think I
should get most of the credit."

I simply laughed and started the story.  As I talked, each one of the guys
would interject comments, making me remember things that I had forgotten.
The story continued when the food came.  I was amazed at how complicated it
had been.  There were so many times Drew and I could have given up.  By the
time dessert was finished we had Jess caught up on everything she had
missed.  Drew and I did, however, skip almost all of what had happened in
his bedroom that afternoon.

"So, where to now?" Justin asked as the valet pulled the SUV up after
dinner.

"First," I announced, grabbing the keys.  "I'm driving.  You've had quite a
few glasses of wine, Nick.  There's no reason to take any unnecessary
risks."

"I'm fine, Alex."

"No," Jeff interjected.  "Let him drive, Nick."

I saw Nick look at Jeff and nod.  I imagine they were thinking about that
night that Nick had found Jeff drunk back in LA.  After a few seconds Nick
looked at me and nodded, letting me know I was right.

"Second," I continued.  "I know we are in Vegas and that means we should
probably do something crazy, but I was hoping I could spend some time with
Drew.  That is, as long as that's okay with him."  Drew grinned.  Clearly
he was okay with my plan.  "I'll take you guys anywhere you want, though."

"I was thinking of going to that club at the Luxor," Justin said.  "But
it's right next to our hotel.  It's cool with me if we go back to our
hotel.  I can hop a cab or walk over."

"Can we go with you?" Jess asked Justin.

"Of course."

"Well I'm going, too," Jeff piped in.  "I'm not about to play the third
wheel."

"It's not like that, Jeff," Drew said, suddenly aware of the implication
going on.

"Yeah," I said.  "You're welcome to hang with us."

"Not my scene," he snickered.

I could feel myself blushing just as quickly as I saw Drew's face turn red.
Without a snappy comeback springing to mind, I decided to playfully slug
Jeff in the arm.

"Ouch!" he cried out.  "I'm not into S&M either.  Although, you do look
pretty hot in that shirt of mine."

"That's enough!" I announced, climbing into the driver's seat.  "We're
leaving before Drew and I die of embarrassment."

I decided to drop everyone off at the Luxor so they could go to the club.
Drew and I rode the few minutes to our hotel in silence.  Although it was
my idea, I was beginning to get nervous about being alone with him.  I
didn't know if I could stop us again if things got heated.  I wanted to be
with Drew so badly.

The second the elevator doors closed Drew grabbed me.  Pressing me against
the back wall he kissed me forcefully.  His hands worked against my chest
causing me to momentarily forget where we were.

"Not here," I whispered.  "It's too dangerous."

I'm sure Drew thought I was referring to us getting caught together.  I was
worried about that, but it ran deeper.

"This is too dangerous," I repeated.


Scene 55


Drew slipped his key card into the lock and opened the door to the suite.
The light was on in the foyer, but the rest of the living room was in
darkness.  I walked over to the wall and switched on the light.

"No," Drew said, brushing my hand away and shutting off the lights.

He grabbed my hand and guided me toward the window.  He slid the drapes
back, reveling the magnificent view.  From our perch 35 stories above the
ground, we looked out over the lights of the Strip.  It was a dazzling
view.

"This is what I want for you," he said, squeezing my hand.  "I want to be
able to show you the world like I've seen it.  I've been blessed to be able
to see things I never dreamed I'd get to see.  I want that for you."

"But, don't you get it, Drew?  That's not why I'm falling for you.  I don't
want all that.  I don't care what you do.  I'm not in this for the fame."

"That's not what I meant.  I want you to be able to experience all the
wonderful things I have.  You deserve that.  If I can give you that,
shouldn't I try?"

"Not if it means giving up your dream."

"What are you talking about Alex?"

I pulled him over to the couch.  We sat down and I turned on the lamp
beside us.  I hadn't planned on having that conversation with him.  At
least, not that night.  But somehow it was on my mind.  Maybe it was
because he had been recognized at the arcade when I was with him earlier
that day.  Or maybe it was the way the host at the restaurant had treated
us.  Whatever triggered it, it was bothering me.

"I need you to know," I said, "that I'm not in this for money or for fame.
I know we've talked about money before but I need you to understand that."

"I do."

"But it's more complicated than that, Drew.  Like it or not, you're famous
and that's a difficult thing for me to handle.  Part of me wishes you were
still an EMT because it would make things a lot easier.  Can you imagine
how great it would be to not have to worry about us getting caught?  I know
that's not fair.  I can't change the situation and I'm not about to deny
you your dream.  I know that singing is something that brings you
happiness.  That's pretty apparent.  But before we let this go any further,
I think we need to talk about what's going to happen if someone finds out
about us."

"We'll deal with it," he said quietly.  I thought I heard a tremor of fear
in his voice.

"We can't ignore this," I said.  "I need to know what would happen.  Coming
out in public isn't really an option for you right now.  I know that.  It's
not fair, but that's just the way it is."

"What would you do, Alex, if someone from the press asked you about me?  Or
about us?"

"Are you asking if I'd lie for you?"

He looked away from me before answering.  "Yes."

I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to concentrate.  I hadn't let myself
think about these issues.  It was all too complicated for me to figure out.
I wasn't sure why I was pursuing it, but it felt like I needed to put my
cards on the table.  Part of me was scared that I would get hurt, but the
bigger issue for me was that I might hurt Drew.

"I don't know," I sighed.  "I know that I can't lie about myself.  I would
never deny being gay.  I've come to far to let that happen."

"I would never let you do that," Drew interrupted.

"Thank you.  That makes it a little easier.  But what you're asking is if I
would lie about you.  I honestly don't know how I would handle the
situation, Drew.  All I can say is that I would do everything in my power
to protect you."  I paused and took a deep breath.  "I love you, Drew."

He leaned over and kissed me.

"I love you, too."

We sat there for a long time, simply holding each other.  It felt so right.
Every once in a while, we would kiss but neither of us spoke.  At the time,
I knew we hadn't resolved any of my concerns, but it didn't seem to matter.
The issue was out on the table and we both knew we had to deal with it.  I
knew, however, that it was something that we could deal with and was I
content with that.

"Alex?" he whispered just after I kissed him.

"What, honey?"

He chuckled.  "Honey?  I like that.  But."

"What is it?"

"I don't mean to kill the mood or anything, but I really need to go to the
bathroom."

"It's all that wine you had at dinner," I laughed.

I let go and he bolted for the bathroom.  I stood up and stretched.
Glancing at the clock I noticed it was about 12:30 in the morning.  We had
spent several hours making out and holding each other.  After his
passionate kiss in the elevator, I had been worried that he would try to
pressure me to sleep with him, but those worries has been unfounded.

"So," he said when he came back from the bathroom.  "Are you going to stay
the night?  It would be so great if you would sleep next to me."

"That would be great, Drew.  I'd like that."

"Let's go climb in bed and watch a little TV.  Okay?"

I nodded and smiled.

"But first," he said.  "Do you like chocolate?"

"Huh?"

Without answering he walked into the kitchen and opened the freezer.
Pulling out a pint of Haagen Dazs, he grabbed two spoons and headed for his
bedroom.  Once inside he shut the door.  I headed for the bathroom.

"Please lose the shirt," he called out to me.  "It's not like you're really
hiding anything and it just obscures the view."

I laughed as I shut the door.  I carefully hung up Jeff's suit and stripped
off the shirt.  Even though I was wearing my boxer-briefs, I still felt
pretty naked.  I went to the bathroom, washed my face, and headed back to
the bedroom.  Opening the door, I saw Drew standing there grinning.  He was
only wearing a pair of red plaid pajama bottoms.  He looked so cute.

"Let's get in bed," he said.

We climbed into bed and pulled up the covers.  I could feel his leg
pressing against mine as he opened up the partially melted ice cream.  We
ate it slowly as he flipped through the stations on the television.  As
always is the case when you want to watch something, there was nothing on.
We tried to watch CNN for a while but neither of us really cared about the
plight of the Peruvian potato farmers.  ESPN was showing lumberjack games.

"Wait!" I cried.  "Go back."

Drew had been channel surfing again and he had just past my favorite cable
station.  It's called SoapNet.  It shows reruns of all the ABC soaps.
Since it was Sunday night, it was an "All My Children" marathon that showed
the previous weeks' episodes.

"You watch this?"

"Religiously," I replied.  "I've watched 'All My Children' for years now.
I'm addicted.  I feel like I have so many friends that live in Pine
Valley."

"You're joking, right?"

"I'd never joke about that, Drew.  It really is great.  I started watching
because there was a gay character on the show.  He's been off the show for
years but I got hooked."

"I'm sorry," he chuckled.  "I don't understand."

"You just need to give it a chance.  There are some amazing actors on soaps
and you never have to worry about seeing a rerun.  I know some of the
stories are a bit outrageous, but it's entertainment."

To his credit, Drew wasn't saying anything.  He was watching the show,
obviously trying to please me.  I started to fill him in on the characters
and their relationships with each other.  The strange thing about soaps is
that when you are watching everyday it seems totally plausible but when you
try to explain the plots to someone else, it sounds ludicrous.

"Wait a minute!" Drew interrupted.  "Gillian is with Jake, who just got
back from Chechnya, but she is really in love with Ryan?"

"Yeah.  See, Jake had a daughter but it turned out he wasn't actually the
father.  Everyone knew but him.  His family and friends thought they were
doing the right thing by not telling him the truth.  When it all came out,
he ran off to Chechnya to be a medic."

"It happens every day," he teased.

"Hey!" I cried.  "While Jake was away, Gillian realized she was still in
love with her ex, Ryan.  Gillian was married to Jake so the only way she
and Ryan could be together was if they brought Jake home so she could get a
divorce.  They went to Chechnya to search for him.  Once they found him,
Ryan ended up saving Jake's life when the rebels stormed the hospital."

"Of course," he deadpanned.

"Stop!  That's not the important part.  What's important is that Ryan and
Gillian are soul mates.  They have to find their way back to each other."

"Do you believe in that?"

"Soul mates?  I'd like to.  It's a pretty powerful idea."

"It is."

"You know," I said.  "We'd make a good soap story."

"How do you mean?"

"When you think about everything that has happened to us it's pretty hard
to believe.  I met you because your best friend put me in the hospital.
Add to it the whole famous vocal group angle and you've got yourself an
Emmy-award winning plot line."

"I've never really thought of it that way."

"But we've been too honest with each other," I noted.  "We'd need to add a
few more twists to really make it good.  So many of these stories spiral
out of control because of lies.  Sometimes people lie to get what they want
but other times they think they're doing the right thing by hiding the
truth."

"Do you think it's ever okay to lie to someone if it's going to spare them
from pain?"

My mind started reeling.  Suddenly our conversation was getting serious and
I didn't know what to do.  I was thinking about Drew and how he had hid the
truth from me.  That afternoon Nick had told me Drew had been engaged to
Lea.  I didn't know what to make of that and I didn't know how I felt about
Drew not telling me.  I was hoping that it was over between them and he
wasn't telling me about the engagement because he didn't want to upset me.

"So do you think it's okay?" he asked again.

"I don't know, Drew," I answered honestly.  "It gets complicated.
Sometimes the real world can be just as confusing as these soap plots."

"Do you think it would have been better for me to tell Nick the truth from
the beginning?"

I felt my heart sink a little when Drew said that.  There I was obsessing
over why he hadn't told me about his ex girlfriend and he was contemplating
how he came out to his brother.

"Honey," I said.  "That's not the same thing.  You weren't lying to Nick."

"Yes, I was."

"It's not the same thing.  You didn't tell him the truth because you
weren't ready to.  You weren't lying to him to protect him from something;
you had to wait to tell him to protect yourself.  Nick understands that."

"Does he, Alex?  He was so hurt and disappointed that I didn't tell him
sooner."

"Sure he was, because he loves you and he wanted to be there for you.  But
you didn't realize that.  You were scared of losing your brother.  I can't
imagine what that's like.  I went crazy trying to decide to come out to
Mike and he was just a friend."

"Don't say that.  You know Mike is more than a friend.  He's family to you.
You probably know exactly what I was feeling."

"Maybe I do, Drew.  Mike knew I was gay from the day he met me.  He was
patient enough to let me tell him when I was ready.  Although we never
talked about it, he probably was a little disappointed it took me so long.
But in the long run it all worked out.  Just like it will with you and
Nick."

"I hope so," he whispered.

I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him from behind.  As I held him I
softly kissed his cheek and rocked him.  After several minutes he said
something.

"Alex?"

"What?"

"I hope this isn't a trend, but I need to go to the bathroom again."

I laughed and let go of him.  He shifted so that he was facing me.  He
shrugged his shoulders and frowned slightly.

"It's okay, honey.  You go take care of business and I'll clean up the
melted ice cream.  We have all night to be together.  I'm not going
anywhere."

Smiling, he kissed me on the lips and then practically ran to the bathroom.
I laughed again and collected the empty ice cream container and the two
spoons.  As I was about to leave the room I realized I should probably put
some clothes on.  Although I wasn't too concerned about the guys seeing me
in my underwear, I had just met Jessica and I didn't want to scare her too
badly.  I grabbed a bathrobe out of the closet and headed toward the
kitchen.

Walking back to Drew's bedroom I passed by Jeff's room.  I glanced down and
saw that the light was on.  He must have been back from the club.
Realizing there was something I needed to tell him, I softly knocked on the
door, hoping I wasn't interrupting anything.

"Come in."

Opening the door I found him sitting in bed.  He had his shirt off and he
was reading a book.

"I need to talk to you about something," I said as I closed the door.
"It's kind of important."


Scene 56


Jeff sat there with a wry smile on his face.  I couldn't figure out what
was so funny and it made me a little uncomfortable.

"Come on in.  Have a seat," he sat, patting the edge of the bed.

"What is it?" I asked.

"What?" he said, nearly laughing.

"You're staring at me like the cat that just ate the canary."

"While you were in the bathroom tonight at dinner Drew whispered to me that
he hoped you would be spending the night with him.  Looks like he got his
wish."

I began to feel even more uncomfortable, which was something I didn't want
around Jeff.  Clearly Jeff has thinking that Drew and I had slept together.
It wasn't that big a leap.  After all, there I was sitting on his bed in my
underwear and a robe.  Being somewhat of a coward, I initially avoided the
issue at hand and settled on small talk.

"What are you reading?" I asked.

"Changing the subject?" Jeff laughed.  He paused for a moment, letting me
sweat it out a bit.  "It's called 'Blue Sky'.  I'm re-reading it, actually.
I met the author last year.  He's a friend of Brian Littrell's."

"As in Brian from the Backstreet Boys?" I asked incredulously.

"Yeah."

"Who don't you know?" I questioned.  "You said you know the guys from
*NSync and now Backstreet, too?"

"I really only know JC and Justin from *NSync.  As far as Backstreet goes,
I've only spent time with Kevin and Brian."

"So it's all one big happy boy band family?"

Jeff shot me a look that let me know he wasn't happy with my terminology.

"You know we hate that phrase."

"Why do you think I said it?" I laughed.

"Enough of this," he said shaking his head.  "What's the real reason you
came in here?  I know it wasn't to tease me.  Isn't Drew getting lonely
right now?"

I looked down and studied the pattern on the bedspread, tying to collect my
thoughts.  I wasn't sure how to tell Jeff what I wanted to say.

"Have you ever gotten stuck in a lie?" I began.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, like when you let someone believe something that isn't true.  And
then to keep it from looking like you were hiding something, you end up
telling more lies."

"Is this about Drew?"

"Yes and no.  I just feel like I'm going to get trapped if I don't tell you
the truth."  I could feel my pulse begin to race.  "I never meant to lie to
you, Jeff.  It didn't start out as a lie but now it is and I feel horrible
about it.  I never meant for it be like this."

"Calm down, Alex.  Just tell me what's going on."

In a very short time I had gotten pretty upset.  I worried that I wouldn't
be able to explain what had happened.  Jeff reached out and grabbed my
forearm causing me to look directly at him.  He had a worried look in his
eyes.

"Alex?  Just tell me."

"I'm a virgin, Jeff."

"What?" he practically shouted.  He didn't sound angry, just surprised.  As
soon as he realized how loudly he had said it he lowered his voice.  He was
still holding my arm when he said, "You can't be."

"Why not?"

"Because."

I was beginning to get angry.  I twisted my arm away from his grasp and
looked away.  I thought he was sitting there judging me.

"Alex!  It's not a problem.  I'm just totally surprised.  You just got an
HIV test."

"That's just it, Jeff.  That's why I'm so worked up about this.  For a week
or however long it was, you were worried that I might be infected with
something that I couldn't possibly have had.  I knew Nick was negative and
he knew it, too.  The only reason I took the test was because Nick had told
you.  I had asked him not to tell you I hadn't been with a man before.  If
only I had been honest with you then you wouldn't have had to worry about
me."

"First," Jeff said, "I want to worry about you.  Okay?  In the short amount
of time we've known each other we've been through a great deal.  You're a
good friend, Alex.  Plus you make one of my closest friends in the world
happier than I've seen him in a long time.  For whatever reason you didn't
want to tell me something.  I can live with that.  I don't expect you to
tell me everything."

"I was just embarrassed."

Jeff didn't respond and I could tell something was going on in his head.  I
could see a look of disappointment in his eyes.

"So, you told Nick?"

I could only nod.

"Oh."

I felt my heart sink.  I struggled to find my breath, feeling as though
someone had punched me in the gut.

"Jeff, I feel awful about it.  It's not that I don't trust you.  You have
to know that.  I told Nick because I didn't know who else to talk to.  It
was right after I had tried to kiss you.  That would have been."

My voice trailed off.  I looked at Jeff and saw the slightest trace of a
smile on his lips.

"Your first kiss?"

Again I could only nod.

"That's pretty cool," he said as he once again reached out and grabbed my
arm.  "That's an honor, Alex.  If I had known I probably would have let you
kiss me."

"Don't take this the wrong way," I laughed, "but I'm glad I waited."

"Is he a good kisser?"

"Now that we've established my track record, saying that he's the best I've
ever had doesn't really say much, does it?"

We both laughed and I could feel the tension in the air disappear.

"I only told Nick," I said, "because I was practically falling apart about
it.  Once I figured out you were one of the good guys it just didn't come
up again.  I mean, announcing my lack of experience isn't exactly dinner
table conversation material."

"I suppose not."

"And I didn't even think about the HIV test.  I would have told you right
away if I had known you were worried about me."

"Forget about it," he replied.  "But maybe this a good time to tell you
something, Alex."

"What is it?"

"Along the same lines, it's not that I didn't want you to know.  It's just
that I'm pretty private about her.  I'm trying to keep her out of the
public eye for as long as I can.  I want her to have a normal life."

"Her?"

Jeff climbed out of bed and walked over the to dresser.  He grabbed his
wallet and sat down next to me.  Opening the wallet, he pulled out a
picture of a little girl.

"This is my daughter, Alyssa."

"Wow!  I never knew.  She's beautiful, Jeff."

"Thanks.  She lives with her mom in Orange County.  I don't get to see her
nearly enough.  She's definitely the best thing that's ever happened to
me."

"So are you and her mom."

"Patricia and are just good friends now.  Maybe next time you visit Drew it
will be when we're in So Cal.  Then you can meet Alyssa."

"That would be great, Jeff.  Thanks for me telling me about her."

"Thanks for telling me about you."

He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

"Sorry, Timmons," I deadpanned.  "Drew's a much better kisser."

"I outta plant one on you right now.  I've gotten pretty good reviews, if
you know what I mean."

"Don't tempt me," I laughed.

"So you are tempted, huh?  I thought it was over between us when you tried
to make out with me at your hotel.  But, wait a minute.  Why are you
sitting here on my bed?  Shouldn't you be.how do I put this delicately?
Shouldn't you be playing 'Good Cop, Bad Cop' about now?"

"One comment about a nightstick and I'll clock ya," I warned.

"Shouldn't you be clocking him?  Then this whole issue you brought up
wouldn't be an issue any more."

I tried my best to ignore his total lack of class.

"I want to.  Trust me on that.  Drew is the same way but I told him we had
to wait.  I asked him to get tested first."

"That's a good idea," he said.  "You have amazing will power."

"Well, when you've waited 26 years, what's another 2 or 3 weeks?"

"Is that it?"

"No.  I'm scared to death, Jeff."

"That's natural, Alex.  Just trust you're feelings.  If something doesn't
feel right, just stop.  Drew will understand."

"I know, you're right."

We sat for a moment, enjoying the silence.  I finally took a deep breath
and stood up.

"I should get back to him.  I'm sure he's wondering where I disappeared
to."

"Give him a kiss goodnight for me."

"If I have to," I chuckled.  "Goodnight, Jeff."

"Goodnight."

I closed Jeff's door and walked down the hall.  I found Drew back in bed,
still watching my soap opera.

"Where did you go?" he questioned.  "I need you to tell me what happened
between David, Dixie, and Tad.  I'm totally lost."

"Later," I said abruptly, switching off the TV.  I slipped off my robe and
climbed onto the bed.  "I ran into Jeff and he asked me to give you
something."

Before he could say another word, I kissed him.


Scene 57


When I woke the next morning I smiled when I realized where I was.  The
room was filled with light, as the curtains were still open.  I didn't know
what time it was, but it felt like it was still early.  I was lying on my
back and Drew was cuddled up next to me.  He was on his stomach and he had
his left arm draped across my chest.  It couldn't have been very
comfortable, but he seemed to be quite content.  His face was turned toward
me and I could feel his breath on my shoulder.  He looked like he was
having a dream and I hoped it was about me.

Although I could have stayed and watched him sleep for hours, nature
called.  As carefully as I could, I gently lifted his arm and slipped out
from under him.  He shifted a bit once I left but he didn't wake up.  As I
headed toward the bathroom I noticed it was about 7:45 in the morning.  I
sighed, knowing that I was probably up for the rest of the day.  My plane
flight home was at 3pm.  The guys were staying for another night, although
I was uncertain of Jessica's travel plans.

My stomach started to growl so I decided to forage for food.  I
contemplated waking up Drew but I eventually decided to let him sleep.  Not
really being the bathrobe-wearing type, I decided to get dressed.  Then I
realized all of my clothes were in my own room downstairs.  Figuring Drew
wouldn't mind I searched through his things until I found a pair of shorts
and a t-shirt.  As I was about to leave the room I glanced in the mirror
and saw I had a serious case of bed-head.  I grabbed one of Drew's caps and
put of on backwards.  I laughed to myself when I realized how much I looked
like a frat boy, which was something I never was in college.

I padded down the hallway in my bare feet until I got to the living room.
I was surprised to find Nick and Jess there.  Nick was feeding Jess a
strawberry off of the plate sitting in front of her.  It was obvious how
much they loved each other, especially when she giggled as he dropped the
strawberry in her lap.

"Ahem!" I said as I cleared my throat.  I wanted to make sure they knew I
was there.  There's only so much cute couple stuff I could stomach at eight
in the morning.

"Good morning," Jess greeted me.

"Morning," I replied.

Nick took his time, carefully surveying the situation before speaking.

"Since I've seen that shirt before and I'm fairly certain I bought that cap
for him, I'd say you spent the night."

I could feel myself turning crimson.  I didn't know what to say so I just
stood there with an idiotic grin on my face.

"Leave him alone, Nick!" Jessica scolded.  "Alex, do you want something to
eat?  There's plenty of food."

I nodded.

"Nick," she commanded, "get Alex some food."

"Yes, dear," he said quietly.  Looking at me he said, "I know.  No bacon or
sausage.  How about French toast and some fruit?"

"Sounds good.  Thanks, Nick."

"Come over here," she said, patting the couch next to her.  As I sat down
she grabbed my hand and squeezed.  "Did you have a good time last night?"

I could feel myself blush even more.  I wasn't sure what Jess was asking,
but I had a pretty good idea.

"Wait a minute," she said, suddenly realizing what her question was.
"That's not what I meant!  Drew told me you and he were waiting, so I
wasn't asking about that kind of good time."

"Oh," I laughed.  "I'm totally embarrassed right now.  It seems like
everyone knows about Drew and me."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing," I replied.  "Just something Jeff said last night.  The answer to
your question is 'yes'.  We had a great night.  He's pretty special."

"Alex, this may seem a little out of place considering I haven't even known
you for 24 hours yet, but I can't help myself."

"What is it, Jess?"

"He's totally fallen for you and I'm a little worried.  He's not as strong
as he comes off.  He hides it pretty well but deep down he's scared to
death and I just don't want him to get hurt."

"Neither do I."

"Of course you don't.  That's not what I meant.  I just want you to realize
that he's still pretty confused about things.  I know meeting you has
helped him a lot.  I had figured out he was gay even before Nick told me,
but I know he's had a pretty rough time.  You know, Drew talked to me about
you right after he met you."

"Really?"

"Yeah.  Right after you and Nick were in the hospital I was talking to
Drew.  He had said that you had tried to help Nick and even though the two
of you were fighting, he was still glad that you were there.  He was pretty
torn up about fighting with you."

"I felt awful about that.  I still do," I confessed.

"I just want you to know that I love him and that I'll do anything in the
world for him.  He's fragile, Alex.  He likes to come off as always in
control but I know he's having a hard time with all of this.  He loves you,
Alex, and he needs you."

"I love him, too."

"Good."

Moments later Nick arrived with a huge plate of food.  He even managed to
bring a glass of orange juice and a bottle of water with him.  After
thanking him, I dove in.  I didn't realize just how hungry I was until I
smelled the French toast.  Across the room we all heard a cell phone ring.

"That's mine," Jess said.  "Excuse me, gentlemen."

"You look good in his clothes," Nick said as he sat down next to me.

"Didn't you say that last night about me in Jeff's clothes?"

"I guess I did," he laughed.  "You must look good in other people's
clothes."

"Is that some kind of veiled insult about how I look in my own clothes?" I
laughed.

"Not exactly," he chuckled.

"So when does Jess leave?"

"This afternoon," he frowned.  "Her plane leaves a half hour after yours so
I can take you both to the airport at the same time."

"It was good to see her, wasn't it?"

"More than you know.  There are times I want to quit just so I can spend
all my time with her.  I can't do that, of course, but I still think about
it."

Something popped into my mind but I wasn't sure I wanted to ask him.  I
glanced over my shoulder and saw Jess talking on her phone.  She was out of
earshot.

"Nick, can I ask you something?  It's kind of personal."

"I suppose," he hesitated.

"How can you stand being so close to her and not having sex?"

"So I take it you and Drew didn't."

"No," I answered, thankful he didn't finish his sentence.

"Well," he grinned.  "I use all the willpower I can muster.  And when she's
not around the hand gets a lot of work, if you know."

"I know what you mean," I interrupted.  "It took all the willpower I had
not to be with Drew last night.  Or, rather, not to let him get to me."

"Alex," he said seriously.  "I'm a little confused.  It sounds like you
want to be with him.  I know it's a big deal but why wait?"

"I probably wouldn't have thought about it unless I was just tested, but I
told him he had to get an HIV test first."

"That's smart.  I mean, I'm sure Drew is fine but."

"Don't worry about Drew.  We talked and I know he's fine.  I just want to
be sure, Nick, that's all.  And I guess it's kind of a way to postpone it.
Frankly, I'm scared and I need a little more time to get ready.  Before I
came here I wasn't sure how I felt about Drew.  Now that I know that I love
him, I just need to take it one step at a time.  I wanted to wait until I
was in love before having sex.  It was pretty phenomenal that I realized I
was in love.  I just don't think everything has to happen all in one
weekend."

"You don't need to justify it to me, Alex.  Whatever you decide is right.
Understand?"

"Thanks."

"So, did you tell him?"

"Tell me what?" Drew said as he entered the room.

I felt myself go white as he stared right at me.


Scene 58


"Tell me what?" Drew repeated, looking right at me.

"It's.um.something that Nick and I." I stammered.

"That was clear," he chuckled.

"Let it go, Drew," Nick said sternly, sounding very much like a big
brother.

"Okay," he said.  "Just realize that I'll find out from one or both of you
sooner or later."

"Drop it, Drew!"

"Sorry.  I'm going to get some food."

Drew started across the room, looking a little hurt.  He avoided my eyes as
he passed me.  I managed to reach out and grab the tail of his shirt,
causing him to stop and look down at me sitting on the couch.

"We'll talk about it later, Drew.  It's not that important." I lied.
"Okay?"

"Sure," he smiled before heading over to the other side of the room where
Jess had just hung up her cell phone.

"Sorry," Nick whispered.  "So I take it he doesn't know you're a virgin."

"No."

"Why not?

I shrugged, trying to let Nick know I didn't really want to talk about it.

"It's not going to matter to him," Nick said, either ignoring or not
understanding my non- verbal communication.

"I know, Nick.  I'll tell him, just not today."

Nick glanced over and saw his brother approaching.  He stood up, presumably
to give me some time alone with Drew.  He leaned over and gently squeezed
my shoulder.  I smiled, knowing that Nick was in my corner.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful.  Drew and I hung around the
suite watching TV and talking about things that weren't really important.
It was pretty rare that we could be together that way, so we both tried to
make it last as long as possible.  We ordered room service and ate lunch
with Jeff.  Justin returned about 12:30PM and we all tried to get him to
tell us where he was all night.  To no one's surprise, his lips were
sealed.

I waited as long as possible, but it was finally time for me to go to the
airport.  Drew tried to take me, but Nick insisted he stay at the hotel.

"Why can't I go?" Drew asked, practically whining.

"Because," Nick laughed, "you'll act like you're acting right now.  Just
say goodbye to Alex right here."

"It's better this way," I said to Drew.  "It's too risky for you to be seen
with me at the airport."

"I hate that," he replied.

"I know, honey."

After an amazing kiss, I said goodbye to Drew.  He promised to call me as
soon as he knew the results of his HIV test.

"I'll email you our schedule so we can make plans to see each other again."

"Okay, Drew.  I love you."

"I love you, too."

On the short trip to the airport I thought back over the weekend.  I didn't
want to leave Drew but there was no way I could stay.  I was glad that Nick
and Jessica were in the front seat because I could feel the tears begin to
fall.  When they stopped talking I knew they were listening to me and
trying to decide if they should say something.

"How do you do it?" I asked as I tried to stop the tears.

"It's never easy," Nick answered, knowing exactly what I was talking about.
"But when you love someone it's just what you have to do."

"It'll be okay," Jess offered, turning in her seat to face me.  She reached
out and grabbed my hand.  "You'll see him soon, Alex."

"I know, but it doesn't make it any easier.  I feel like such an idiot
sitting here crying."

"Don't," Nick said, glancing over his shoulder at me.  "I used to cry all
the time whenever Jess left."

"You did?" Jess asked him.

"Yeah, is that so hard to believe?"

"Well," she hesitated.  "Yes!"

Jess and I started laughing, which broke the tension in the car.

"Nice!" Nick commented sarcastically.

"Aw," I said.  "I think it's sweet, Nicky."

"Me, too," Jess said as she leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

When we got to the airport, Nick offered to wait with me at the gate so
that I wouldn't be alone.  It was a nice gesture but I wasn't about to have
him give up his last moments with Jess to sit with me.  It struck me as
just another reason why Jess was so much in love with him and why I had
grown to care about him so much.  After a hug from Nick and a kiss from
Jess, I headed off to the Northwest gate to check in.  I knew I was going
to be okay.

I woke up the next morning and I was actually excited to go to work.  I
wanted to see Sharon so I could tell her I was in love.  I knew she'd be
thrilled for me.  I was also looking forward to seeing Mike.  It had been
too late to call him by the time I got home.  We had a training appointment
scheduled for that Monday night.

About twenty minutes after I got to work the phone rang, interrupting my
daydream about Drew.

"This is Alex, how may I help you?" I asked.

"Mr. Jackson, this is Dr. Fisher's office calling.  She would like you to
come in to discuss your test results."

It took a moment but then I remembered the tests she was talking about.
When I had gotten my HIV test, my doctor suggested a full blood workup
since they were already drawing blood.

"Okay," I said.  "My Wednesday afternoon is open."

"She wants to see you as soon as possible.  Today, actually."

"Really?  How about 11:30?"

"I'll clear her schedule."

As I hung up the phone I could feel my stomach turning.  I was scared.

To be continued..

As always, comments to: thack98@mindspring.com