Date: Sat, 10 Aug 2002 22:38:24 +0800
From: ryan <yr_ry_@hotmail.com>
Subject: What I See 17

*Disclaimer*

If you are under 18 or not of legal age in your country, please do not read
on. If you couldn't accept themes of homosexuality and the like, please
don't read on. This is a story concerning gay males having intimate
relationships and is considered FOR ADULTS ONLY due to its sexual theme and
contents. BUT if you really like this stuff, please don't tell others.

Everything in this story is purely FICTIONAL. Or in simpler terms, it's not
true!!! Even if this story involves NSYNC, a real, successful American
singing group, and a fictitious character, all that happens in here is
fictional... again, it's not true. If there are instances that it is
similar to what happened in the real world, it doesn't mean that it's
really true. I don't know anything about their sexuality, as far as the I
and the world know, they're straight as an arrow so I dunno if they're gay
(but I do have my speculations) or not but I wrote this out of freedom of
speech and my love for these guys and slash fiction. I don't own or know
NSYNC personally. AGAIN, it's NOT TRUE!!! but don't we all hope that it's
true... hehehehe...


*First Words*

Hi guys. This is my 3rd work here in the boyband section of the Nifty
Archives. I dunno why I called it "What I See" but I just ran out of ideas
for a title and thought of something simple. So the title, What I See was
born *giggle*. I dunno if I can manage my 3 stories at the same time but
Crossed Paths is in its "season break" and Reformation is still there. But
I'll really try my best to update all my stories. Remember, I love
feedbacks.

Mail me at my NEW Addie at
yr_ry_@hotmail.com


What I See Chapter 17

I tried to forget my problems while I was in our house. Well, I couldn't
have done it without Paul and Mom. They were working wonders because when
they think that I was zoning off or something, -- which was a lot --
they'll spark a conversation or let me do something that would take my mind
off things. But I think Paul is pushing it coz I'm already doing some of
his chores.

Around 4pm, Dee arrived and she looked so tired. I think she could collapse
if the wind blows at her. "Tired?" I asked even if it was pretty obvious
already with her appearance.

"Don't mention it." She said as she slumped on the couch. Then, she looked
at me with a confused look. "Hey! What are you doing here? Problem?" She
asked.

"I'm not talking about it now." I told her quickly and she nodded. I think
Dee being tired has some good side effects coz I know that she would have
pried about my problem if it was a normal day. "Mom and Paul are in the
kitchen cooking something." I told her and she just waved her hand. I left
her on the couch and walked in the kitchen finding the two slicing carrots
and cucumbers.

"I'm thinking steamed vegetables." Mom said. "And chicken casserole." She
added after a few minutes of pondering.

"That's cool, mom." I smiled and sat on the chair beside Paul. "How are you
and Wade?" I whispered. Paul stopped chopping and I could sense that he
tensed a little bit as well. Then he continued after a few a seconds like I
didn't say anything.

"Not so good." Paul then said out of nowhere and his voice was a little bit
off -- like something big was bothering him. I wasn't pushing the topic to
him already but he just said that. "He's always busy. He has to choreograph
this and he has to take care of the effects for the show and he has to
write with Justin. I think he spends more time with Justin than me!" Paul
wiped away a stray tear that cascaded down his cheek.

I glanced at mom who seemed to be hearing nothing. "Josh is also like that
but you have to remember that it's their job." I tried to reason out.

"A job doesn't last until fuckin' 2am!" He said.

"Language!" My mom pointed at Paul with a glare. Well, I guess she was
listening but she's not barging in our lives... yet.

"Sorry, mom." He mumbled and my mom returned chopping the carrots after a
nod. "It's just so frustrating, you know. I don't even know if he's still
my boyfriend because he doesn't act like one." Paul again said. "I mean, I
know that you and JC talk to each other everyday.

"Relationships are about sacrifices." My mom stated. "It's not like those
types in fairy tales where you two meet and you go on living happily ever
after. There's a lot of drama that is included in a relationship. One of
this is sacrificing for each other."

"I think I'm the only one who is sacrificing. What is he sacrificing?
Nothing." He said bitterly.

"When was the last time you talked with him?" I asked.

"The other night but he has to excuse himself because Justin needs him." He
said with a hint of sarcasm in his tone.

"Then talk with him again and try to settle it. If you're gonna break up
and then break up. If he's still up for a relationship with you then work
things out." I told him. "That's what I'm gonna do with Josh later if he
can't take what we're gonna talk about later." Now, it's back to me. Can I
really break up with Josh because of that job? Probably not, but I'll try
to be rational about things. Take the note of the word 'try'.

"Probably." Paul shrugged. An air of silence settled in the kitchen and
everything went as it was like we didn't even talk.

"Who's up for something?" Dee said as she entered the kitchen after a few
minute.s

"I thought you're tired?" I asked as I looked at her with amusement because
she seemed to be so hyper already.

"That's a few minutes ago. I'm not tired anymore." She answered and rolled
her eyes. "Let's go out and do something. Dad is gonna come home around 6
so we have loads of time. We haven't been to anywhere with just us." I
looked at Paul who seemed to be thinking about it too. But I don't wanna
leave mom here doing all these stuff.

"Don't think about me." Mom just said. "You three go out and have fun." She
smiled at us and when I glanced at Paul, he just nodded.

"Fine. We'll be back later." I told mom who just nodded and resumed
chopping. Paul and I stood up from where we were seated and followed Dee's
lead. I guess we're using Dee's car. "So Dee, where are we going?" I asked.

"Good question." She stated. "I dunno." She entered the driver's seat and
Paul already stood in front of the passenger's door so I guess I'm gonna be
enjoying the back seat for this trip. What joy!

"Mall?" I suggested.

"Okay." She answered. "You two having problems with your boyfriends?" She
asked as she glanced at me in the rearview mirror. I just rolled my
eyes. "That's why I don't want to have a boyfriend. They are such a pain in
the ass." Dee said nonchalantly.

"I thought you and Joey are gonna hook up?" Paul asked.

"Am not! Come on, you know me. I like to flirt but that's gonna end there
and I'm not yet crazy to date a popstar." She said and looked at me. I
glared at her.

"So I'm crazy?" I asked.

"Yes you are." Paul answered. Dee just smiled. I can't believe my two
siblings are cornering me. Just great!

"It's always the middle child." I mumbled to myself as I crossed my arms
and gazed outside with a pout in my face.

"Stop being so childish." Dee said. I just looked at her and stuck out my
tongue. She just rolled her eyes.

After a few more minutes of silence -- I didn't speak again -- we parked in
the vast parking space of a mall. The engine's roar died down and we all
stepped out of the car still unaware of our purpose. "So what now?" I said
and leaned on the side of the car as I wait for any reply from the two.

"Let's just walk a few." Paul suggested and that's what we did. We walked
to the entrance of the mall and the cool air-conditioned air met us. All we
did was walk. We didn't even talk in the beginning. I eyed on some stuff
that I would buy but I didn't enter any store while I'm with my
siblings. "This is getting crazy." Paul broke the silence. I looked at him
and so did my sister.

"I am crazy." I said sarcastically reminding them of their statement
earlier.

"Grow up Kyle." Dee hissed. "I'm fed up okay! I've been stressed out since
early morning and I don't want you two to add up to that stress. We went
here to relax and talk some things out like brothers and sisters should
do." It was one of her rare moments. She was acting like the eldest among
us.

"What do you want to talk about then?" I asked.

"How about purging your minds with your boyfriends by telling me all the
juicy details." She said with a maniacal smile. I don't know how she does
it but she just turned from eldest to youngest. Serious to immature. I
guess I know from whom I inherited this craziness.

"I told you I'm not in the mood in talking about that again." I said. Dee
looked at Paul.

"If he's not talking about Josh then I'm not talking about Wade too." Paul
answered stubbornly.

"Paul, what's Kyle's problem then?" Dee inquired.

"He was offered a job in Zomba, you know the record company of NSYNC but he
discovers that he didn't get the job because he's one heck of a computer
whiz. Instead, he was suggested by Josh." Paul replied. Then, Dee looked at
me.

"Paul feels that Wade is neglecting him and Wade is spending too much time
with Justin." I said blandly.

"See, that's not that hard." She commented. "I think you know what you'll
do." She said.

"Yeah." Paul and I said at the same time. Everything just boils down to
talking with each other. And I'm really trying to gather myself before I
talk with JC. I don't know how to break it to him that I know. But I think
the hardest part is how I'll deal with it? Should I be angry? Happy? Sad?
What?!

Dee stopped walking and pointed her finger somewhere. "Oooooh! I like that
dress!" She squealed and run to the store she found it. Paul and I just
looked at each other and shook our head. And they say that I am
crazy... yeah, right.

Dee did buy the dress and after that we decided to return home. I looked at
my watch and it was 5:30. It was a lot of time to reach home before Dad
arrives. The drive home was again plagued by silence. I was still in the
backseat looking at the passing scenery thinking of one thought, Josh. I
swear on my life that I am deeply in love with Josh. But what he did hurt
me a little bit. I know that some people will say that I should be
flattered and overjoyed because Josh loved me so much that he would look
for a way to help me. But like I said before, it goes against my
principles. I love the independence. That's why I'm living in my own
house. If I want something, I have to work hard for that and not because of
another person -- in this case, Josh.

I know that JC means so well but I still think he should have talked with
me about it. I mean it's about my job, not his. "You're thinking too hard."
Dee commented as she gazed at me through the rear mirror. "Just let it be
spontaneous and everything will be fine. Just relax." She told me. "And
that goes for you too Paul." She added looking at Paul.

"Me, thinking hard? That's his job." Paul pointed at me. I just rolled my
eyes.

A few more minutes after her few words, we parked in front of our
house. Dad's car wasn't there yet. The three of us entered the house
somberly. Dee's advice was good but I can't help not to be in a
contemplative mood. We sat on the couch. Dee took the remote and turned the
TV on. It's MTV. And by an odd twist of fate, Pop was playing. Yeah, I have
to really talk to him.

The front door opened and Dad entered. He looked at me and frowned a little
bit. "Problem?" He asked.

"I'm fixing it later." I said with a smile. Dad placed his bag by the couch
and we all marched to the dining room to have dinner.

Dinner was very uneventful. It seemed that my parents and Dee are the only
ones animated enough to carry a conversation while eating. Paul and I
remained quiet throughout except when we were asked. Dinner was done and
all of us helped in cleaning up. It was a family thing for us and as much
as I don't wanna admit it, I kinda miss this stuff.

Once everything was done, I was ready to leave. "I'm going home." I stated
as I washed my hands. The others just looked at me. Mom and Dee smiled
sympathetically knowing my situation and the impending conversation I'm
gonna be having with Josh. Paul just nodded and walked away. I think he's
gonna talk with Wade. Dad also nodded and I left the house with Pookie.

While I was driving, I just can't help think of the consequences that might
happen. The worst is that Josh would break up with me thinking that I'm an
ungrateful bastard and he's gonna hate me for the rest of his life. Well,
that's the worst that I can think off. But I'm still trying to be
optimistic with everything. I do hope that he's gonna understand what I'm
gonna say to him.

I opened the front door of my house and noticed how barren the house
was. It was just so empty and so silent. I sighed and walked to the
answering machine to check if I have any messages. The light wasn't
blinking. There's none for me. I looked at my watch and it was still a
little bit early and Josh has a concert today. I guess I have to wait.

I plopped myself to the couch and turned the TV on. I have to burn time
while JC does his thing in front of countless of teenage girls declaring
their undying love to him. All I can do is sigh as I surfed for a nice
show. I looked at my watch and it read 8:00pm. It's gonna be a long night.

After a few minutes of just looking through the channels, I shut off the
television and thought of something to do. An idea popped in my mind and I
grinned with the thought. "Ken." I took the phone from its cradle and
dialed Ken's number. It rang once. Twice. Thrice and I heard a click.

"It's Ken here! I'm not home at the moment or I just don't wanna talk to
anyone. Either way, just leave a message after a beep! Bye" The
pre-recorded voice of Ken said. I guess he has a date or something. What
can I expect? I'm talking about Ken here!

"Hi Ken! It's Kyle here. Just wanna say hi and everything. I guess you're
with someone right now. Talk to you soon, okay? Love you!" I said and ended
the call. Again, I gazed at my watch. It was just 8:15pm.

I walked to my room and turned on my computer. I guess I'll be just surfing
the net or chatting somewhere. Once everything was loaded, I clicked on
Outlook so it could download all my mails. I also opened Internet Explorer
and just surf while I wait for my mail to be downloaded and sorted. I typed
in the Nifty Archives address and looked into the list of stories if my
favorite stories have been updated. Well, they're updated.

I restored Outlook and it seemed that I only have a few. Around 10 or
so. There were three forwards (I hate those) and the seven were just hi's
and how are you's from my friends. "Better reply to those." I mumbled as I
clicked on the reply button to start.

Once my mail was settled, I clicked on JC's Hitchhiker and started reading
the chapters that I haven't read. Don't you just love that story?

I don't know how long I was reading coz my phone rang. I looked at the
watch and it read 11:00pm. Wow, I've been reading for hours
already. "Hello." I answered the phone.

"Hey, it's Josh!" JC said happily. I think he's still in his performance
high. I don't know how these boys do it, I mean they work for hours since
afternoon but they still manage to be hyper even after a tiresome concert.

"JC." I said a little bit bland. I didn't mean to say it in that way but I
guess the thought of my dilemma entered my mind.

"You sound different. Is there something wrong?" He asked me. I could hear
the concern in his voice already. I don't want him to worry about nothing
but I even don't know if this issue is something to worry myself.

"Can we talk?" I told him.

"We just got off from the stage. I'll call you back again once we reach the
bus. We're traveling by bus tonight coz we have to be in Sacramento
tomorrow where we are gonna have a concert. And the crowd there is really
great but I'm not implying that the crowd here is not great coz they're
great too." JC was already babbling.

"Hey Jayce." I interrupted him.

"What babe?" JC asked in a dreamlike tone.

"You clean up now and when you're in the bus, call me okay?" I told him and
hung up. I breathed in trying to compose myself. Sometimes, JC is just so,
um, weird I guess. But I am hopelessly in love with him. I just have to
learn to live with it and eventually, love it.

I laid on the bed and stared at the ceiling. My thoughts were swimming
around and they were just scattered. Nothing concrete. Nothing. All just
bunch of stuff swimming. And I have to compose all of those before JC calls
back later on. I do have to tell him the bad news that I'm not accepting
the job and probably a lecture that I don't want what he did. I know that
he did out of love and everything, but like I mentioned for the nth time,
it's against my principles. I sighed. That's the only think I can do and
wait for the phone to ring.

It seemed so quiet in the room. I could hear the sound that a clock
makes. You know, the tik tok sound. The phone rang.


--------------------
End of Chapter

Hey everyone. I know that this is long overdued but school has been taking
up all of my time. I have no time for myself! School is such a big big
pressure for me these term and I don't know why. I'm hoping everything
would die down soon. I hope.

Well, that's Chapter 17 and I know that there's nothing much going on. More
talks and everything but the JC and Kyle talk will be in the next
chapter. I'm still thinking hard about that one on how I'll deliver
that. Plus, I'm writing my other stories so, damn, too much going on in my
life!

Thanks to ALL of you who have taken the time and MAILED me! I truly
appreciate it very much. A big, big shout to my Danish pals, Chris and
Danny, I hope you always be in love forever coz you compliment each other
perfectly. You two are made for each other! :-)

PLEASE!!!! Send me feedbacks... I'm a feedback addict! I so love those
feedbacks. Short, long, good or bad, or just whatever... drop me a line
okay? I also have most of the IM programs out there and I'm usually on,
hopefully you can catch me.

AIM : pseud0ry
Yahoo! : yr_ry
MSN : yr_ry_@hotmail.com
ICQ : 156360427

Also, I'm usually in the boyband chatroom.

NEW Addie is:
yr_ry_@hotmail.com

EMAIL me.

A big 'HI' to the people in the Nifty Boyband Chatroom and CRAZY!!! They
are so nice, especially Wes, Dru, Bernie, CJ, Duckie, Strat, Clive,
Jayson... and the list goes on. Wanna say hi to my friend Byron who have
helped me with his support and his friendship! Stay strong in your
relationship! Finally, a big big 'thank you' to David who maintains the
Nifty archives, without him, we won't be reading any of the best slash fics
in the world!

Also, here are my suggestions of other cool stories in the archive that
influenced me in my craft.

NSYNC Stories.
 + Jamie's Romance (Justin)
 + Love Thru Chat (JC/Justin, Lance)
 + Josh and Just (JC/Justin)
 + Lance in Shining Armour (Lance)
 + My New Life (Lance)
 + Justin's Dark Angel (Justin)
 + My Surprise Romance (Lance)
 + Life with Justin (Justin)
 + JC's Hitchhiker (JC)
 + Jimmy Needs Assistance (Lance)
 + Lance, JC and an Astral Fan (Lance/JC)
 + Lance's Search (Lance/JC)
 + Like the Rain (Justin)
 + JC Dreams (JC)
 + My Soulmate JC (JC)
 + Sans Vous, Je Suis Rien (Justin)
 + Chance Meeting (Justin)
 + Needing You (Lance/Eminem)
 + Thieves (Lance)
 + Blind Revolution (Justin)

Backstreet Stories.
 + Because I Love You (Brian/Nick)
 + Double Take (Brian/Nick)
 + Bad Boy B-Rok (Brian)
 + Heir to the Darkness (Brian/Nick)
 + Kevin and Dustin (Kevin)
 + French Kiss Me (Brian)
 + Millennium Love (Brian)
 + Forever (Kevin)
 + Get Another Boyfriend (Kevin)
 + Heir to the Darkness (Nick/Brian)
 + Insecurities (Nick)
 + On the Streets (Kevin)
 + Brian and Tommy (Brian)

Crossover Stories.
 + Brian and Justin (Brian/Justin)
 + The One (Brian/Justin)
 + Living (Almost all of NSYNC, BSB and 98') --> found in www.matthewtime.com